How To Wear A Beard Without Looking Like An Ax Murderer

I have not completely shaved my face is over five years. During that time I’ve continuously sported a beard and have learned the dos and don’ts of how to keep it aesthetically pleasing. Here’s what you need to know:

1. A beard should never be more dominant than your head hair

If your beard is more prominent, you will have the dreaded ax murderer look. It also has the effect of making your eyes more beady. Notice how these beards don’t match the head hair…

2. If you have a white beard, you can grow it out as thick as you want

The white color has a balancing effect, preventing even a long white beard from clashing with a thin head of hair. Bald men with dark beard hair should keep it cropped close. Otherwise your face will look like a bushy vagina.

3. If your beard doesn’t connect, you should not grow a beard

A beard should be one continuous, lush carpet. Otherwise you look sickly, like you just got over a terrible illness.

4. Don’t get creative

Your beard should not have sharp angles or any peculiar features. Your face is not a canvas, asshole.

5. Be careful if you’re fair-skinned

Blonde beards tend to display more weakness than strength…

6. Eyebrows can make or break the rules

Guys with thick, dark eyebrows can generally wear any beard they want (I have thick eyebrows). Guys with thin or blonde eyebrows can’t.

7. It’s all about balance!

The beard doesn’t exist outside of the individual—it must match your existing features. Here are some examples of great beards that match the man:

Just because you can grow a beard, doesn’t mean you should. You must weigh your beard genetics with your head hair to know if you should sport one or not.

Read Next: The Perfect Woman: Hair

105 thoughts on “How To Wear A Beard Without Looking Like An Ax Murderer”

        1. Anon1 is clever. Curds are a food product, but when spoken it sounds like Kurds the ethnic group.

  1. And learn to shave a good, straight neckline! If you are looking straight ahead trim it where your neck and jaw make a 90 degree angle. No neck beards and no just-cheek beards.

  2. Why do you have a beard Roosh? Do you look strange without a beard? Do you have to hide some acne scars?

      1. no she said it itches when you lick her pussy (which was fucked one hour before by a big black cock)

  3. 21 and still can’t grow the tiniest bit of beard, neither can my 24 year old brother. We’ll probably have a full one at 30. Feels bad, man

    1. Only convicted ax murderers. If you just LOOK like an ax murderer, you are a creep, but if you are one you are ‘dangerous’ and ‘mysterious’.

  4. You should’ve included Jonathan Ive as well. He’s a good example of metamorphosis.
    From a geeky-looking overweight computer guy with a sort-of-goatie:
    …to a much cool dude:
    Or you could just insult him for designing iPhone and other Apple gadgets that steal female attention 🙂

  5. i was thinking about beards today as well. are there any links of different styles that work on different complexions?

  6. MAKE A FASHION STATEMENT FOR UGLY MEN — Roosh V — grow long hair and long long beard — comb hair forward over face and then glue hair and beard together — yeah a giant improvement!!!!!!!

    1. god damn brock lesnar looks like a fucking badass since he left the wwe.
      and yes i havent watched sports for years

  7. I perpetually break rule #1 with my shaved head and full, albeit trimmed, beard. I might need to master Hat Game.

  8. Stubble. I hate it. It didn’t rock on Jed Clampett OR Yassir Arafat. It doesn’t rock on you. Grow a beard, or DON’T stubble makes you look like a jackass.

  9. Roosh’s whiskers are part of his persona, his inner game, his masculine identity. Whether they admit or not, chicks dig it. Period. It is also his way of extending his middle finger to the dorks, wusses, and feminized betas of the world. The haters only wish they had the balls Roosh has to sport his whiskers. In many parts of the world, to this day, facial hair is a mark of a man’s masculine power and distinctiveness. Why? Because women can’t grow them. It says a lot about how much men have declined in this country when they quiver in fear at what the fat chick in HR might think about their goatee, or what their wives might think.

  10. See “Beard and its Purpose for Men”.. from a Sikh perspective:
    Here’s why blonde beards display weakness! Name any animal which is non-aggressive or submissive.
    Golden retriever. Ragdoll cat. Sheep.
    Now, name the most aggressive and testosterone ripped.
    Rottweiler, Pitbull, Bull, Elephant, rhino. Their common trait? VERY short dark hair or no hair.
    The opposite of submissive species.
    Hair are extension of central nervous system, but only when they are dark and are able to capture energy.
    Without body hair you can become either hyper aggressive or submissive. You cannot balance your character properly, as you do not receive certain emotional, subtle information.
    Blonde girls are usually seen as weak and submissive. Now you know why.
    Redheads having the least amount of pigment can become totally crazy… such girls are extremely tough to live with. Redhead guys often place themselves above all society.
    Vlad Putin, Prince William, Nathan Rothschild, Zuckerberg,to name just a few.

  11. Xabi Alonso, ahh, those spanish footballers are holding beards pretty well at the moment in the Premier League
    Juan Mata doing it well too –
    Pep Guardiola has been rolling with a beard for a while now
    As has AVB –
    There’s this Roman warrior –
    In the 80’s footballer/soccer had some serious beard business going on, led by the crazy Germans. Paul Breitner who looked like a fucking lion –
    Socrates (the brazilian captain) –

  12. Never really thought about how handsome Saddam was.
    I started wearing a beard when I was 30. I have Mediterranean features, and I keep the beard hair short so it’s not hipstery. It works for me for a couple of reasons: Gives me a squarer-looking jaw, makes me look more mysterious, brings out my eyes (which are dark brown and kind of big). Without a beard I look more effeminate, though once in a while I shave it. Women love the beard though. Glad you wrote this as not all beards are equal.

  13. Keep it neat and obviously kept rather than looking like a rat’s nest, and you’ll be fine….

  14. Bald head with heavy stubble/light beard is actually a good look. Heavy beard and you’ll look like a metal musician or an ax murderer.

  15. I haven’t trimmed my beard since October. People ask in amazement why I have decided to grow such a massive beard. I just tell them I’m a Viking.

  16. Brilliant beard analysis!! Grew mine out last year and everyone loved it. My only concern was that it makes me look much older. But hey mid 30s isn’t stopping you, Krauser and Steve from getting laid!

  17. I’ve always had very thick hair, and in my own case, I find that I’m pretty much supposed to have a beard. People started treating me much better, and women started giving me many more IOIs, once I let the beard grow out one Noshember. I then decided fuck it, the beard stays.
    There’s definitely something attractive on a primal level about a man who doesn’t shave off his facial hair. Maybe it’s simply because women don’t grow it, so it amplifies the sex difference. I suspect there’s more to it than that, though.
    Of course, I get my hair and beard trimmed every month and a half or so, so as not to have the axe-murderer/mountain-man look.

  18. I’d cry if my husband shaved. No shave November 2009 never ended. Makes him look a good 10 years older too, which is almost always a plus with the ladies. Excellent point on the connecting aspect though – that weeds out all those strange, tufty, pubic-hair like disasters on the chin.

  19. Good read and tips, but find it funny that the 1st pic example of an ax murderer, is of Ricki Hall, well know model for his elite beard. Not to mention majority examples of primo beards at the end are, In my opinion, just scruff

    1. I’m bald and have an 8 inch beard and I love it. In fact, I just placed first in a beard competition for full natural beards over 6″. Don’t let this article fool you. I think bald heads and beards are a great combination and nothing like the vagina he’s talking about. He’s a dumbass.

      1. Same here. I’m bald with a short beard and people say it’s a good look. I don’t know if I’ll ever reach a 6 or ever 8 inch beard, but I agree with you and anyone who thinks these guidelines are bullshit. If your beard looks good, grow it. That’s the bottom line. The only part of this post I agree with is the peculiar shapes rule, that stuff looks kind of stupid, but I think that’s why you don’t see to many people sporting facial hair like that, except for the widely ridiculed “chinstrap” which I believe some people can pull off, even though in most instances they look pretty bad.

  20. I mean, I’m going to have a nasty long beard, and thin, bad looking hair indefinitely. Why? Well, if you buy into the whole ‘organic food’ bullshit, i’ll just stick with my ‘organic me’ and be judged as a murderer.

  21. the last guy pictured under tip # 6 is a REAL hot white man, the rest of these guys look bad.

      1. Clearly a male’s name. Weak attempt, try again. He was right, for the most part this was a stupid article. He picked girly looking guys to prove that blonde/light beards were “weak” and used models to show the pics of beards he liked. Trust me, a think blonde/brown beard gets more attention than a black one anyday.

  22. as a beard owner i find most of those “rules” untrue. a beard is an outward reflection of what you naturally should look like. saying you shouldn’t grow a beard b/c you dont fit the rules is like saying you shouldn’t have a nose if you just so happen to be born with a freckle or two on it.

  23. What a load of bullshit. As if you have a picture of Rikki Hall as a bad example of beard growth… he’s rocks the shit out of it! What a waste of 2 minutes of my life.

  24. Two things need decent bone structure….you’re not going to suddenly get more handsome with facial hair if you have a weak face !
    2.Shave the neck….you look like Grizzly Adams otherwise ,like you just came out of the woods
    Look at Kristofferson,now that is the right way….but not everybody has that face 🙂

  25. I know sadam wishes he could grow another one but in hell its hard too keep any haie at all

  26. F’ck the beardrules, just grow em if you got em! grow it like there weren’t any scissors in the world! N wear it with pride! Pride!!! :p

  27. What an ill informed article. To anyone that reads this when thinking about growing a beard – please, please ignore. You cannot judge how to wear your own beard until you grow it. So go ahead and don’t listen to this garbage.

  28. Rename this article: How to clean your vagina. Men, if you want a beard. Grow one. There isn’t any shaving involved, ever. Everything in this article is completely irrelevant. Pussy.

  29. I have a massive full back beard with no patchy bits, fully solid and thick. And I have a shaved head and I look like a fucking beast of manly man destruction. Fuck your shitty article you stupid fashion cunt

  30. I think this article is wrong in many ways. And I say whatever, we all like different styles.
    It’s the personal “random rules” that I can’t agree with. Just because you don’t like something, it doesn’t make it a rule.

  31. “Blonde beards tend to display more weakness than strength…” Um..Yeah, for 500 years the boogieman checked under his bead to see if there was a blonde bearded viking under there. Blonde breads display weakness, my ax! I’ve never heard anyone shout from under my boot that my beard makes me look weak. Come say that to my face and you’ll tremble at the merest mention of blonde hair.

  32. Who cares what you look like. We are men!!! Grow and be proud of what you have. Confidence is key

  33. The best pic on your page is the first guy… Yet you say his hair doesn’t match!

  34. Beard is men’s natural look. If you can grow it then don’t know why stoping it of shave it off! Plus Save money and protect from heat and sun ( if you are in a hot sunny country like my self ).

  35. I can make these rules much simpler:
    1. Grow the beard you want regardless of your head hair, hair color, beard fullness or eyebrows.
    This author is a jerkoff and comes across as an angry person. I’m guessing a blonde man hit it and never called again based on his attitude about them. What a douche! The natural state of a man’s face is bearded. It was the Gillette company ad campaigns that made the babyface the social acceptable norm. Now we buy their razors (which are awesome) for $7 a piece. Studies have proven that woman prefer a 10 day beard to a babyface.

  36. “Your face is not a canvas, asshole”?
    How dumb are you, ah? Unless you’re a mature man, you MUST play around with your beard (and not only that). That is the ultimate way to find what suits you best.
    But, oh! Looks like someone really knows it all (but really knows nothing).

  37. Ahh this reminds me of the old “bearded vs beardless” Commander Riker debates.
    After a certain point, a Man wants to stop (or at least slow down) giving off the perception of “too much youth” because it implies inexperience. He will want to try on the beard because it almost always makes a Man look older and far more experienced than what he may actually be.
    I don’t have a beard but i have a goatee, which is like a mini beard. I did it for the same reason though. Without it i look younger than what i am and as fun as that is sometimes, it does get annoying when certain females blow you off because you’re “too young.”

  38. There are a lot of people saying beards look bad, a lot of them women. But I think that women subconscious like a good stuble. Surely it must not look like some bad pepper/salt beard or patchy.

  39. Question is, can there be aggression in just growing a beard? And to me, beards mean masculinity. Beards mean you have a dick and a set of balls instead of a vagina. So if you have a beard that you haven’t massacred with convoluted styling, my brain gives you some props.

  40. This list seems to be put together by a beardless person who’s completely clueless about beards. “A beard should never be more dominant than your head hair.” Whut?? Yeah, that’s why bald people with massive beard look so badass. Bad list, bad advice….sincerely, a bearded person. Also side note, stubble is NOT a beard in my book.

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