5 Best Countries Where It’s Great To Be A Criminal

Most men who read Return Of Kings would probably agree that the Western world is in terminal decline. As time goes on and things get worse, economic options will disappear. Despite their best efforts, many men who have played by the rules will find they have little opportunity to build a better future.

Turning to a life of crime is one possible solution for those with nothing left to lose. But, not all nations are equal when it comes to criminal law, women, and living standards. Men living in fascist police states might find it useful to move to a more crime-friendly nation. Let’s explore some of the best countries for men to pursue criminality.

I judged each country based on the following six criteria:

  1. Attractive Women. Because being a crime boss is worthless without hot women.
  2. Wealthy. You may as well be a criminal in a wealthy, comfortable, first-world country.
  3. Weak Crime Laws. Sympathetic judges, light sentences, and no capital punishment.
  4. Nice Prisons. Why should prison be hard? Pick a country with nice jails.
  5. Strong Gun Laws. Because disarmed victims can’t fight back too much.
  6. Immigrant Friendly. You don’t want to be killed in the streets by Neo-Nazis or police.

Here is a list of the five good countries to begin a criminal career:

1. Sweden

Sweden is wealthy, full of hot women, and friendly towards immigrants. It has very weak laws and cushy prisons. Guns are restricted, but freezing to death is a danger.


 Swedish Prison. Like an Ikea store.


2. Norway

Norway also has hot women and a very liberal attitude towards immigrants. This country has extremely weak criminal laws and some of the nicest prisons on the planet. Guns laws are very restrictive.


Norwegian Prison. Ocean views.

norway prison

3. Canada

Canada is not exactly ideal, but it is lenient on its criminal immigrants. Stronger gun laws make it easier to find compliant victims. Quebec would be the best province to settle in, as it offers very attractive women. Canada is the best choice for criminals who want to stay in North America.


Quebec Jail. Not inviting, but not too bad.


 4. Austria

Austria has relatively attractive women and a strong economy. But Austria is very attractive due to weak criminal laws and amazing prisons. Neo-Nazis could make it dangerous for recent immigrants.


Austrian Prison. This is nicer than my house.


 5. The Czech Republic

The Czech Republic is relatively wealthy and boasts attractive women. The Czechs are very lenient on crime, but their prisons are no joke. This country has weak gun laws. Citizens can lawfully carry concealed weapons, so be careful.


Czech Prison. Not quite as nice.


Any one of these countries would be a strong choice for the man determined to commence his criminal career, and notice how they are mostly in Europe. Your plan to be a Colombian drug mule? You may want to scratch that.

Read More: Will The Norwegian People Disappear?

42 thoughts on “5 Best Countries Where It’s Great To Be A Criminal”

  1. I’ve told me Norwegian girlfriend multiple times that I’d be better off as a murderer in her country than I am here in the U.S.

  2. If you’re a White Nationalist willing to use violence to further your political goals, Norway is definitely the place to be if you want your ideas heard and discussed by the general public. Andrew Berwick almost got superstar treatment.

  3. I’ll second Canada. A Mountie once told me that criminals love Canada more than the USA because they don’t have anything like the USA’s FBI.

  4. Am I suppossed to take this post seriously? I think I can excel in the US without criminal behavior by embracing the dark triad.

  5. Even if, I find it a bit fucked up to advocate being a piece-of-shit of society. Quite frankly even the USA has easy laws on scum-bags, and there is nothing, I mean nothing that turns a really hot looking american female on then a prison record. In fact I almost advocate pretending to be an ex-con when speaking with an american chick. However actually becoming one is simply not correct. I am going to assume this post is a joke.

  6. Notice that the first 3 are completely infected with Feminism, Political Concreteness, and Huge Government Control.

  7. This is a nice piece to contemplate, but the author clearly didn’t take things like extradition or deportation into account.
    Who’s to say an American expat in Sweden who gets caught doing something enough won’t just be deported back to the States if he proves to be too burdensome an offender?

  8. If you want to commit white collar crime, do it in Canada. You’ll only get a slap on the wrist. Maybe 2 years at most.

  9. Its roughly so: The higher the feminism and liberal political correctness the more criminals are excused and lawful and obidient hred working citizens are underrated and even punished for good deeds.

  10. C’mon guys. This is satire. And pretty funny. So as long as you are okay with dealing with feminists and freezing your asses off, you can make it like Al Pacino in the drug dealer movie.

  11. And what’s the best crime to commit in these countries? Counterfeiting. It’s highly lucrative, safe, non-violent, and the penalties are very light. It took Canadian master counterfeiter Wesley Weber four convictions to finally get a five-year prison sentence.
    If you print enough fake money, you’ll be praised for “saving the banking system” and “stimulating the economy”, and chosen as TIME’s Person of the Year 2009.

    1. When you’re on the dark ‘net, counterfeit documents and credit cards are almost always from the Czech Republic. Canada has some pretty lax laws that are easy to get around, like crimes less than $1000 they don’t bother you much with, so some criminals make a living doing lots of “small crimes.”

  12. yeah
    surry jacks be hustlin bud in bc eh.
    austria ..i think in time the younger migrants will be able to hold their own on the agin neo nazis

  13. Did the homo G write this? One picture, please dude. One picture of you in a custom suit or proof that you didn’t just scour yelp or frommers for your data sheets would go a long way towards showing (and disproving) that you aren’t just an epic troll.

  14. About Norway and foreigners (this is information gleaned from my Norwegian-American extended family and from internet penpals in Norway). Norwegians honor civility, manners, and humility, so you can walk around there in a sweatsuit made out of american stars n’ stripes with a shit-eating grin, acting like a damn clown, not knowing a single word of norwegian, and the locals will say hi and give you directions if you ask (a lot of them speak english, at least in the cities).
    But on the inside, they are pretty pissed off at “invaders” – people who immigrate there and take advantage of their generous social safety nets but refuse to adopt norwegian customs and speak the language and get a damn job. Norwegians can be a bit clique-y, so as a foreigner you need to work hard to bridge the gaps in culture and language or you’ll just wind up bitching about how your old country was better in some expatriate-friendly bar. Norway is getting a big influx of immigrants from faraway places who refuse to integrate, I seem to recall they are receiving an especially large number of pakistanis. The whole situation is kind of like turks in Germany around the year 2000, or mexicans in Arizona today, or italians in New York City in the early 1900s.
    I’m not saying that pakistani or turkish or mexican or _____ culture is inferior to ours, but I think we can all agree that it’s unreasonable to expect to be able to move permanently to a country radically different from your own without integrating. That kind of stark, defiant multiculturalism creates tension, to say the least.

    1. doesnt always have to..since migrants been showin upto the west they been discrimated sgainst since the 60s.now we seea backlash since they concentrate in major cities only

  15. I love the idea, but I think that a little more research is necessary to determine a truly optimal group of countries.

  16. decent article. Would the US extradite a US/Canadian citizen for larceny in some of these countries??

  17. Very odd article. I’m assuming it’s some kind of passive-aggressive jab from the far right at judical systems where the focus is on rehabilitation rather than punishment. It seems to utterly miss the point that all the above countries have far less crime rates than nations that have more draconian law systems.
    You’d have to be pretty deeply bunkered in your political beliefs to not make the connection, so I suspect this article is simply intellectually dishonest.

  18. Why would you even bother writing a piece like this? It is in accurate, stupid strong gun laws? For someone who wants to become a fucking criminal???), but, worst of all, it is not funny in the slightest. I’m doing research on this topic and I stumbled on this stupid piece of shit and it is honestly offensive by how shit it is. You are a nerd, not in the sense that you have intellect, but you spend all day on the xbox or youporn and believe countries such as Sweden, Norway, Canada, Austria or Czech Republic have ‘attractive women’. Mate if you want attractive women get of you stupid fat nerd ass and go outside, there everywhere, and the only reason you can’t find them is because you too busy sitting on your fat ass writing stupid, meaningless article. Fuck, this article actually ruined my day. Thanks mate.

  19. who want to be criminals here to start young first, and then do scams, then begin your 18th to license and your reputation to keep strong until you know the right people to invest and then sell. but you have the rules, people skills and of course first be loyal to people who give you something of low price and sale price is on high

  20. You forgot the Netherlands. Low chances of getting caught. Mild socialist judges. Great infrastructure, harbours that will help you smuggling dazzling amounts of drugs, weapons or whatever. Very mild police (not triggerhappy like in the US)
    The Netherlands should be in this list. Gunlaws are strict, concealed carry is out of the question for civilians and all guns and ammo have to be kept in a safe. Good luck responding when a burglar breaks in..
    Immigrants are being pampered, the women look decent. Not as attractive as in Sweden, Denmark of Norway, but definitely better than Germany I think. or the country to the west: England. The Netherlands is rich and has nice looking prisons. Prisoners can watch tv or play videogames.
    The best crime to commit? Looking at the news I would say drugs or prostitution. Don’t do a big tax fraud though. The government doesn’t like to be extorted. You get less punishment for rape, manslaughter or murder. Seriously.

    666 = illuminati!

    Genocide is the cure to cancer – Benjamin Franklin 2015

  23. Saw “Trailer Park Boys” and they really laugh about the Canadian prison system. Good dope, booze, and you make freinds in there. For some of the disadvantaged and people with not much to lose, it’s preferable to being on the loose.

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