The Truth About The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally

No doubt you have seen, since you were a wee little babe, all the hubbub and kerfuffle about the “Sturgis motorcycle rally.”

Be it documentaries, rumor, or cameo showcases in the media “Sturgis” is embedded in the minds of all young men as a magical place of motorcycles, leather-clad women, booze, drugs, Aerosmith, and anything goes.

Sorry to let you down boys.  It just ain’t so.

Maybe back in the 60’s it was a riot.  Perhaps in the 70’s it was great.  And I’m sure there’s some wild crazy parties going on during the rally today.  But the truth is the Sturgis Rally has seen its days and it’s pretty much over.  The reason is two fold.

One, whatever hot girls attended the convention have long gotten old and saggy.  There is no new blood coming into the rally and (as an economist I’m serious when I say this) Harley Davidson has some serious legacy issues to consider.  The average age of a Sturgis goer is about 52 and the only young people (hot chicks included) are usually brought in as staff.  All those video you see on TV?  Yeah, take your eyes off of the bartender from Raleigh trying to earn tuition for the year with the pronounced cleavage and look at all the people behind her.  It’s usually an AARP sausage-fest in the background.

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Two, posers.  Fucking posers.  Not to lay down too much motorcycle culture on you, there are two types of people.  Those who ride and those who haul.  Those who ride drive their bikes to the rally no matter where they’re from.  I’ve seen serious, hardcore bikers from Mexico come up, driving their hogs from south of the border.  Then I’ve seen pansy-assed pussy bankers from Fort Collins, buy a brand new Harley, haul it in their brand new Ford Expedition trailer with Ma and “cutsie puke-inducing” matching helmets, ride their bike a whopping 200 miles over the weekend, only to haul it back to Denver in the same day.  Not only are they old, fake, weak, and pathetic, they’re dangerous on the road as they’re poorly-skilled, aging baby boomer, motorcyclists trying to complete a bucket list indifferent as to whether they endanger veteran riders at the rally.

In short, Sturgis has become nothing more than the state fair.  Fat, conventional, cliche, and common.  You just need a bike and you’re there.

However, this does not mean the town of Sturgis and the Black Hills area itself isn’t worth it.

To this day I am shocked and surprised how few people know about the Black Hills, Badlands National Park, and Deadwood.  But while most people write off South Dakota as another white bred, boring, hicksville state, the far west side of the state is by far the most beautiful country in the country.  The peaks are not too tall that you have to worry about snow in July.  The Badlands are one of the genuinely unique national parks that everybody must visit.  The landscape is dotted with abandoned mining towns with a bar that nobody will ever find you at.  And if you have any inkling of patriotism and love for the US, I don’t know how you can leave this planet without visiting Mount Rushmore. But the key to avail yourself of this mandatory country is, above all else, to AVOID THE STURGIS RALLY.

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The sad truth is that the Sturgis rally, which made the Black Hills what it is, denies it its best features.  You don’t want to go to Sturgis for the rally, you want to go there for the wide open west.  You don’t want to go there to be part of the crowd, you want to go there to be alone with your thoughts at some no name bar.  You want to pilot your bike through the Spearfish Canyon and the Needles Highway unencumbered.  You want to ride peacefully through the Badlands.  And you can’t do that when 750,000 motorcyclists are occupying a highway system that is normally designed to support a population of only 100,000.

So my advice to you, motorcycle enthusiast or not, is to visit Sturgis, but a solid two weeks before or after the rally.  You really aren’t missing anything, unless you have a serious hankering for flabby, wrinkly, baby boomer ass.

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78 thoughts on “The Truth About The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally”

  1. I loved Mount Rushmore. To think they did that in the 30’s with just air hammers, dynamite, and ropes.
    It’s truly a site to behold, makes me proud to be an American, carving out all that granite practically with their bare hands. You could never build such a thing these days with safety laws and red tape. Not to mention the nagging bitch saying “You won’t be able to do that!” over your shoulder.

    1. Agree…I used to live in Rapid City and never tired of going there. 90% of the monument was made with explosives with MEN on these cable chairs “smoothing ” the rock surface with air hammers and chisels. I think there were NO fatalities in the entire construction of the monument….
      The Crazy Horse Monument is also a site to behold….

      1. I’m sure it’s nice. I’m positive that it is a wonderful site and I’ve always wanted to visit. But, it a huge pork barrel project that was built in BFE to boost tourism. That really irks me.
        I know you lived in Rapid City, and this isn’t a statement about that being a good or bad place, but for the rest of the country that is way the hell out of the way! How many people live within a five hour drive of Mt. Rushmore? What percentage of the country’s population even lives within a ten hour drive of Rushmore? Zoom out on a map and look at the highway network (or lack of one).
        All the great things about the badlands are great on their own. I’d love to see Rushmore but it’s too damned far!

        1. Yours is about the stupidest, most self-centered comment I’ve ever read on the internet. Grow a brain and some balls, why don’t you.

        2. No, he’s correct. It is in the midst of nothing & Cheyenne, WY is the nearest large city.

        3. Lived in Rapid City, yeah it is isolated out there. If you ever want to really see how big the earth is however, drive up to Alaska. 3500 miles of little trees.

        4. Right out of high school, pooled money with two friends of mine, bought a $500 camp trailer and pulled it up there. We ended up doing grunt maintenance for this trailer park. Fun experience, one of the guys stayed up there.
          Go up through Baniff National Park between British Columbia and Alberta, you will be amazed at the mountains.

  2. Eh, sturgis is still fun, I rode out there in the rain and hale, but it is definitely way more sausage.
    What surprised me is the people that brought little kids to the rally, which is part of the reasons the laws on public nudity (not that one wants to see the aging women that way anyway) got ramped up.
    But it is not what it was. Go for rides and checking out the little bars as you say is most of the point,

  3. To be sure, there are many lame ass posers at Sturgis. As in any venue, there are some serious dudes from whom you can learn a lot. I wouldn’t recommend going into hock to seek them out there. But it is another damning indictment of our degenerate culture that even Sturgis is falling to the Cathedral.

  4. Unfortunately this is what most major motorcycle rally’s are coming to here in the U.S. Most of them have history going back to when the term “biker” was feared by the general public. Now these days some slob going through a midlife crisis making a six figure salary goes down to his local Harley dealer and forks over 25k for a bike and some dumb ass costume in orange that even his Chihuahua has a matching set of.
    I have been to multiple rally’s before and most of the big ones are just becoming so over policed and commercialized it’s nauseating. The women attending these rally’s are some of the most leather faced, liver spotted, deplorable vagina possessing women you will find. In other words if you want to go to one of these rally’s go with friends, and go to put down some miles on your bike and make memories because of your love for being on two wheels.

    1. This is what most major motorcycle rally’s WHAT are coming to? One of these rally’s WHAT go with friends? The women attending these rally’s WHAT are leather-faced?
      ENGLISH! DO YOU SPEAK IT!

  5. Unfortunately this is what most major motorcycle rally’s are coming to here in the U.S. Most of them have history going back to when the term “biker” was feared by the general public. Now these days some slob going through a midlife crisis making a six figure salary goes down to his local Harley dealer and forks over 25k for a bike and some dumb ass costume in orange that even his Chihuahua has a matching set of.
    I have been to multiple rally’s before and most of the big ones are just becoming so over policed and commercialized it’s nauseating. The women attending these rally’s are some of the most leather faced, liver spotted, deplorable vagina possessing women you will find. In other words if you want to go to one of these rally’s go with friends, and go to put down some miles on your bike and make memories because of your love for being on two wheels.

  6. Buy an R6. Hot college sluts love crotch rockets and its fun to ride. Harleys are for old people who are afraid to ride fast.

    1. At my Mom’s hospital they call them “donorcycles”. As in, young healthy men injure themselves fatally but don’t usually die right away, giving the doctors lots of time to harvest those lovely low-mileage organs. Keep on riding, friend!

        1. Oh stats, always out of context. On a busy road say 4 lanes with a bike lane… I would take my chances on a motorcycle than ride a bike in “legal” fashion.

    2. Layed down an R6 once, wasn’t fun at all. Needless to say, i stayed on the dirt with YZ 250F.

      1. Having ridden off-road (MX,enduro,desert, hare scrambles) for about 35 years and on road for about 30, I say that riding on the street (around cars) is far more risky than any sort of off road riding.
        The tree you hit or the rock you bounced off of doesn’t run over you after you hit the ground. YOU control the risk level in the majority of situations. You decide whether to ‘try that hill climb’ or to ‘clear that triple jump’ or not. On the street, you have no control of other drivers even seeing you, much less reacting correctly once they do.
        And you’re typically riding with distracted people (half female) who are barely competent operators all around you.
        On the street, most riders are not wearing much in the way of PPE compared to off road riding (basically wearing a suit of plastic armor with padding).
        When I do ride on the street I avoid busy roads and rush hour like the plague, and I also act as if I am invisible to other drivers.
        Regarding danger: Street>>>>Dirt
        Motorcycles are great. Liberating. And learning maintenance and keeping your machine in top shape is a masculine endeavor for the most part.

    3. There really is a strong correlation between loving the back of a sport bike and slutiness. I’d guess it has to do with risk taking, thrill seeking and feeling invulnerable. Both are as wildly fun and exciting as they are dangerous.

  7. QUOTE: “The average age of a Sturgis goer is about 52 and the only young people (hot chicks included) are usually brought in as staff. All those video you see on TV? Yeah, take your eyes off of the bartender from Raleigh trying to earn tuition for the year with the pronounced cleavage and look at all the people behind her. It’s usually an AARP sausage-fest in the background.”
    Thanks for the heads up, Captain.
    Indeed during my blue pill days I was suspicious that something in the culture of where I lived was not right, and I rationalized that there had to be some place or venue in the USA to meet decent looking chicks that looked good in a bikini and easy to chat up. And yes, the documentaries about the Sturgis rally featured buxom bitches young and hot. And at one point i was very tempted to go for that reason.
    That’s TV for ya.
    It seems that in the USA anything cool that includes hot chicks is always staged for media purposes and nothing more. Americans are truly living in the Simulacra of hyperreality, and it gets more vivid with each passing year with each leap in communication technology.
    This reminds me of an E! TV show some years back called “Wild On” where they would go to various places (Cancun, San Diego, etc) and they would cover the nightlife, always showing huge VIP style parties, plenty of hot babes and alcohol flowing. I recall an episode where they covered the nightlife in Boston. I had only been to Boston once and it certainly did not strike me as a place portrayed in that particular party show. The day after I saw that episode I emailed a colleague who lives in Boston to get his take, and he told me that the presentation was a complete work of fiction.
    Fiction. Americans live in a world of fiction.

    1. Great article and great reply. I used to watch Wild On. I always thought it was fake. Many parties weekends aren’t worth going too. I’m learning never to go back. I’m guessing Mardi Gras is not good today as it was a decade too. I’d bet Spring Break is only good now if you never went to one 10 years ago. It’s a sad state of affairs now, because most parties were better 10 years ago. Does anybody know of any up and comers?

    2. Unlike say Oktoberfest, Glastonbury, Thailands Full Moon Parties, Pamplona, La Tomatina or anyplace/thing else I’ve experienced that you’d find on a 1000 things you need to do before you die type event.
      Overhyped, blown out “world famous” events are by no means exclusive to the US and anyone who suggests otherwise hasn’t traveled much or has some axe to grind with America.
      PS I’m no Murika hyper patriot; I’m hold American/Irish dual citizenship and permanent residence in SA.

  8. Another paleotard with his head up Mark Sisson’s ass, who would benefit significantly more if he read Alan Aragon’s and Lyle McDonald’s blogs instead of that jackass’ who hawks more powdered protein crap than you will find at GNC. At least Lyle and Aragon mostly stick to selling their knowledge.

  9. I’m not a rider but put of curiousity I went to biketoberfest I’m Daytona and it was interesting

      1. Actually I do enjoy watching motocross when I stumble across it and would consider getting a dirt bike some day. On Any Sunday is one of the best documentaries made. Road bikes can suck one.

  10. “. . .while most people write off South Dakota as another white bred, boring, hicksville state . . .”
    NYC and LA are not “most people.”
    ” . . .the Sturgis rally, which made the Black Hills what it is . . .”
    You must be very young and culturally parochial. “Bikers” have only been around since after WWII (it’s a Greatest Gen phenomenon, so of course it’s old and staid now), while the Black Hills have had a special place in human hearts for thousands of years.

    1. The rally started in the ’30s, if anyone cares about a true statement around here.

    2. The Black Hills aint shit, they arent even mountains. The fishing is half assed and the Rockies put them to shame. Good for some hunting but that’s it.

  11. You can clear out just about any motorcycle event by yelling “It’s Senior Special time at Denny’s!”

  12. Sucks to be a Native American from the upper mid-west. Not only do your European conquerors banish you to shithole reservations in the middle of nowhere, they then carve huge faces of their leaders into the top of one of your sacred mountains. If you go to the Black Hills, I suggest visiting the Crazy Horse memorial instead of Mt. Rushmore.

        1. Comments like the one from carlos are why racism stays alive.
          Indians are the most hateful and racist people there is.

    1. “Native,” you say? More like pre-Columbian, stone age savages who emigrated from Asia.

    2. Not only do your European conquerors banish you to shithole reservations in the middle of nowhere,
      Hate to break it to ya, but there are plenty of Sioux living in Rapid City.

    3. •Indians had no problem conquering, enslaving, and in some causes eating each other. I have no problem with the fact that my ancestors exterminated them.
      •The troglodytes are free to leave the reservation, get a job and join the 21st century. They are just too stupid to do so.

    4. …jeeeezus christ on a unicycle, take your free-pass and go to Harvard or Stanford or Columbia and then open a casino. It was none of us here that burned your prairie, but its most of us here that are paying for it…so easy with the bitching.

      1. He wasn’t bitching. The only bitching is in the replies. He made a statement, tongue in cheek, that it sucks for them. Well… it does suck for them.
        The point nobody is making is that Rushmore sucks for us, too. Did we really need to build (carve) it so many hours away from anything? Its an absurdity now, but how far away must it have felt in 1927? If you’re going to build an enormous pork barrel project to boost tourism, at least do us all a favor and make it convenient.

        1. As someone who’s driven cross country 5 times, I’ll say ,without any reservations: Mt. Rushmore is the most overrated nation monument I’ve visited. Yes it’s awe inspiring, yes it tugs at your patriotic heart strings…for half an hour. After that you’re stuck spending the rest of the day browsing over priced chintzy tourist trap shops, most with Dances With Wolves on loop. Not saying it’s not worth having on your bucket list, just use it as a massive detour between 2 other locations.

    5. It was supposed to be big fuck you to the natives after Custer’s little incident. A great way to stamp CONQUERED on tgeir forehead. Sorry, ya’ll lost.

    1. Hey, we can’t help it that we’ve got more testosterone in our declining years than you ever had.

  13. Good post and spot on. The Sturgis Rally has become stupid just like Burning Man. Infested with yuppies and hipsters. DO go to the Hills and South Dakota but not during the rally. I used to live in Rapid City SD for 2 yrs and it is a cool area. Late spring to early Fall is best time to go. Within a 100 mile radius you can see the following: Black Hills , Mt Rushmore, Crazy Horse Monument, Badlands, Wall Drug, Devils Tower ( just over the border in Wyoming) , Needles /Eleven Lake, Bear Butte….
    Towns of Deadwood and Lead are cool and you can gamble…..
    Bear Butte and the Black Hills are uber sacred to the plains indians..think Mecca/Jerusalem and Rome but for the Native Americans….
    The Crazy Horse Monument is nearing completion and is all done with private $$ money. It will dwarf Mt Rushmore when done…

  14. Good to know Cappy Cap… I for one cannot wait to buy a motorcycle and tour Canada and the USA. Maybe ride right on down to Mexico. Before I flee America altogether of course.

  15. Also South Dakota cops use these 2 weeks to fill all their arrest quotas for the year by arresting and ticketing all the “less desirable” biker-tourists. If you go any other time of the year the cops wont have as much of a hard on for your out of state plate.

  16. Agreed. I’ve never been to the rally itself, but I drove through the area once when there were tons of hogs on I-90. Western South Dakota is a great area to visit. It’s very green, and the Black Hills are so-called because they’re covered in thick dark forest, contrary to what people commonly imagine the Plains to be like.

  17. Inevitably everything becomes commercialized. Especially nowadays with the internet and speed of light communications. You could say that the “real” world ended about 20 years ago and all we do now is try to imitate the past.

    1. There was time before even the internet was commercialized! Of course, those days are already long forgotten.

  18. I rode thru Sturgis about a week after the festivities, on the way back from Portland, OR to NYC. Real pretty country. Don’t forget Wall Drug!

  19. …but there is one place where you can roll like a man, knock down beers, scoop up women, and even go for a little fist and cuffs, its called Thailand.

  20. You and your readers are really pathetic. You guys have no idea what Sturgis is about and never will.

  21. Back in ’79 my dad took my younger brothers and I to Mt. Rushmore. [I was 15] I managed to hurdle that little rock wall at the bottom and make it to the top by the faces without being detected. After the slide show they put on they lit that place up to my surprise and the crowds amazement. Now I could have probably got away but no one would have believed me if I didn’t hang out up there till the rangers came up and busted me. even though it took them 15 plus minutes to get up there and another 15 plus to get down the 2 rangers and I were still mobbed by teenage girls when we got down. They were grabbing and pulling at my jean jacket asking “what was it like up there?” At the ranger station when I was asked why I “climbed their mountain?” I told them it was also my mountain and that my high school history teacher told us the semester before “if you go on vacation this summer try to reach out and touch history.” They asked my dad if I was “for real” and he told them yes and he couldn’t control me either. My mom had refused to go on the trip telling the old man “I’m not going anywhere with those animals.” LOL. They gave me a $25.00 dollar ticket and told me to stay off of national monuments. Worth every penny.

  22. Hmmm . . . was considering going this year (2015), and yep, i’d ride from Michigan. But it sounds like a bummer when all I’d want is some good riding on the twisties with my sport-tourer.
    Took a look at lodging prices and figure that they’d also charge triple for pisswater beer too so things just don’t feel right.
    I think I’ll pass.

  23. Clearly your titles are well earned. Especially the Consulting gig. You missed the spot.

  24. Plus you’re gonna pay out the ass for everything, even the local Micky D’s is 30% higher, Lynn’s Grocery is outrageous and the indoor pool bangs you for $8 just to get wet. The painted titties I saw here for 2016 were on the fattest, drugged-out, unfuckable skanks who make backpage.com escorts look like models by comparison. These AARP wankers… and I can say this cause I’m 55…. need to grow up. “You ain’t cool, ya fuckin’ chilly”, as George Carlin once said, calling Sturgis attendee’s “pussyboy software designers who have the bike trucked in from California”. All these old buzzards do is run the thing back & forth on Lazelle street all damn day, it’s fucking DUMB.

  25. Sturgis generates lots of cash for the local economy.
    it is currently catering to grandpas and his chicks.
    If the city of Sturgis wants to plan ahead, they should look into music that attract a new generation. New shows, an alternate or parallel scene that cultivates a new group of attendees..
    70s/80s music and naked fat girls are alien to that generation. I deal with them daily.
    Learn from Coachella, or Miami Ultra, and try to adapt to the Harley scene.

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