The Biggest Mistake A Man Can Make

Stop and think for a second: what periods of your life do you remember as being the highest of highs– happy, gratifying, and marked by growth?

And what periods of your life do you remember as being the lowest of lows– depressing, frustrating, and marked by stagnation?

I can immediately recall one period for each of the above. One of my best moments was when I made the move to quit my 9-5 and attempt to build a personal training business from the ground up. I put everything on the line in hopes of achieving a lofty goal. And I did. And at the same time I prospered in other areas of my life.

One of my worst moments was in my second year of university when I was unsure of what I would choose as my area of concentration. I stagnated, not just academically, but in all areas of my life– women, fitness, health, happiness, etc.

What is the thread that ties these two opposing periods together? I’m convinced that it’s the presence or absence of a dedicated mission in my life.

You Must Never Be Without A Primary Mission


When I was crushing it, I had a well defined mission that I was directing all of my daily efforts towards. This drove me forward and filled me with a sense of purpose, inspiration, and vitality.

On the other hand, when I was a depressed sophomore in college, I had nothing that even came close to resembling a primary mission, goal, or purpose in my life. I was drifting through my daily routine. And everything around me was crumbling as a result.

The second you find yourself without a primary objective that you’re actively pursuing is the second you’re liable to enter a depressed, unproductive period of your life. You simply cannot fall into an unconscious groove. A man without a purpose – without something to work towards – is emasculated. He is impotent. He is unable to function anywhere near his potential.

The key is to catch yourself when you’re feeling down,  confused, or lost. You must catch yourself when you begin to fill your free time browsing the internet mindlessly or playing video games. You must identify your lack of a mission. And then you must fill the void.

And It Doesn’t Matter What Exactly Your Mission Is


The biggest mistake you can make once you realize you need to provide your life with direction is being indecisive about what that direction should be. In the end it doesn’t really matter. It could be writing a book. It could be obtaining a specific position. It could be creating an app. It could be learning a martial art. It could be packing on 20 pounds of muscle. It doesn’t matter.

As long as you create a goal that you can work towards and immerse yourself in, you’re deeper masculine need for a purpose will be fulfilled. You’ll avoid spending all your down time trying to distract yourself from living life with the internet and silly fantasies.

And, most importantly, your mood, energy, and overall character will be elevated. You’ll feel revitalized. You’ll feel amazing. And you’ll undoubtedly begin to exude these feelings outward, invigorating and attracting everyone you come into contact with. In short, you’ll be crushing it.

Check out my new book Dominate for more on living life aggressively. Click here for reviews and more info.

Read More: A Basic Principle That Will Change Your Life

74 thoughts on “The Biggest Mistake A Man Can Make”

  1. good stuff…. the second biggest mistake is getting too wound up in your mission to see the bigger picture…. (think mad professor)….. then you get burned out and can’t function with or without a mission…..

  2. Very good insight. Too many articles of late have not been of quality subject matter to read. Thank you Jefe.

  3. I saw the featured image and was like “oh no, not another Mike Tyson or Boxing related post”. But it had nothing to do with it and wound up being one of the better articles lately. Short and sweet. Good job Jefe.

  4. There is no grand end point to life, once a goal is accomplished, you simply start to feel a new void grow which you must fill, you become immune to your accomplishments over time, pride fades too easily

  5. I’ve observed this in myself as well and reached the same conclusion. Whenever I feel down on myself it’s always because I’m being aimless and not working towards fulfilling my potential. Great article Jefe.

  6. This hits the nail on the head. The modern western man has no desire to excel at anything and an entire culture of liberals/socialist/commies/cultural marxism, weaklings, hipsters, and video game nerds give him validation for his laziness.

  7. Yeah… thought provoking post…
    I just wanted to say I think sometimes you need to temper your mission with reason. I think there are times when it is justified to quit on a particular path because it will lead you nowhere despite what your thoughts and feelings were initially.
    But… at that point… you must find a new mission.

  8. Ted Kaczynski coined a useful term he called “the power process” in the Unabomber Manifesto. He goes on at length about how the human mind is made to work hard at pursuing difficult but achievable goals of clear importance. When goals are too easy, or the effort is too light, or success is too frustrated, or the importance of the objective is too artificial, the human mind develops various pathologies. It’s highly recommended reading. He goes on to describe how a lot of the weirdos and leftist nut jobs polluting modern society are manifestations of a frustrated power process.
    Obviously, Ted went nuts and killed people. Much of the manifesto is batshit. But the stuff about the psychology of human goals, and how toxic modern industrial society can be to the human mind, is total pro-click.

    1. We are all insane. The ones that let it show up are the ones that manage to break free. Society of course imprisons them.
      Good post.

  9. Also be patient. It takes at least a year to get into shape. 7 years to build a career/edumacation.
    Don’t get hitched before 30 etc etc.

  10. How many men in Western countries, and places like Japan, and possibly China in the future, will realize that there really is no point to the supposed basics of civilized life, i.e., school, career, marriage, kids, when they realize the truth of female sexual selection – i.e., women don’t care at all about a man’s career or personality, in favor of good / alpha genes? The trend of Asian women marrying white guys shows pretty much that women will go to any end to justify why they are genetically upgrading when in fact it’s pretty fucking simple why they’re doing it; and that is going to leave literally hundreds of millions of bachelors with absolutely no choice or willpower other than to wake up at 12 pm every day, fire up XHamster and the Playstation.
    In all honesty I have friends with amazing careers, flying all over the country, and I don’t envy them one bit. Being tall and good looking, I never even got the memo that you need to have a good job to get laid. All you need is looks and a smooth tongue and you can be fucking some beta CEO’s wife in a matter of hours – and that motherfucker probably spend two decades supposedly pursuing the dream of job, followed by career (necessarily in that order); a lot of my friends with careers that far surpass mine sit around lonely, either never getting any play at all and being virgins or near virgins at 28, or believing that one day they’ll be able to settle down with some washed up slut (which doesn’t occur to them that they’ll be washed up, more like, sitting around NYC waiting for a 5’9″ man like them to come pick them up once they’re 33 and can’t spend every night in the Meatpacking District partying anymore).
    Women are going to destroy civilization not by rewarding bad boys with sex, but by not even beginning to reward hard working, beta males with anything. In an ideal world, a 5 or 6 girl would settle down at a young age with a 5 or 6 guy with a stable job. In today’s world, a 5 or 6 has to just spread her legs to get a top guy for one night – and let’s be real: they know it’s going to be one night, and don’t care. A woman would rather have one night or even twenty minutes with an alpha dick than a lifetime with a beta. That’s why women are so apathetic to STDs, because they pretty much realize that STDs are permanent yet simply do not care.

    1. I agree. Men that do not have alpha genes are going to throw in the towel when they realize that society will not benefit them, and all of the labor that they (we) provide makes others rich and secure while getting none of the perks.

      1. They’ll do what they have done throughout history: die. The traditional always sent the Omega losers out to the front lines so they could disposed of in an efficient manner.

      2. Those “betas” slaves to pussy
        1) contributes little to society and
        2 ) hold back those who do, both in politics (Obama and Bill both getting re-elected) and workforce.
        They throw the towel? Sweet, that is better for those men with purpose in their lives.

    2. This is feminism (and related ideologies) boiling down to its logical conclusion.
      Once these dudes quit because society offers them nothing…
      1. Economic and population decline.
      2. Deep recession.
      3. Gangs vs. gangs vs. government (gang).
      4. “Where have all the good men gone?”.
      5. … (dark age).
      6. The men who are left will begin re-building society.
      7. Women will marry and mother children.
      8. Economic prosperity.
      9. Men love women and will give in to their feminist demands.
      10. Return to step 1.

        1. It appears to be a historical cycle and we keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Sir John Bagot Glubb already observed this in his “Fate of Empires”, as well as J. D. Unwin in his “Sex and Culture”. Two fascinating reads definitely worth the effort.

    3. The same “betas” who were doing just fine with letting their politicians, medias and “education” think for them.
      The ones 100 years ago where valuable but found themselves dumped like trash by the traditional gangsters.
      They had their stake in western civilization, drove that stake through western´s civilizations heart, found out that there was another heart and drove a stake through that heart too, then cut western civilizations head clean off and put garlic into its mouth.
      Once that done, unleash first the threat of destruction through thermonuclear war, then Islam and feminism.
      Civilization is destroyed when the retarded and stupid, weak-minded people reproduces more and faster than the intelligent, strong-minded people.
      Not all human lives are important or worth saving. Only superior (intelligent, self-aware, strong-minded) individuals ought to be saved while inferior (stupid, retarded, weak-minded masses) should not, unless as usefull tools to the former….
      Those who refuse to have any primary objective beside breeding, well… they can always be slaves to those who do since they do not and cannot truly mind.
      The gangsters that now rule societies, would of course be re-educated, given a new insight into our differences.

      1. Great comment. In the end, who gives a shit about the betas? It was the same dumb betas who were stupid enough to go join the army and get themselves killed in WW1 and WW2.
        Alpha intelligent men will find their own path in life. Betas will just blindly follow the herd, even when it leads them to their own destruction.
        It’s simply natural selection at work. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if WW3 started and a lot of betas got killed off. There’s too many useless men on this planet already. And after WW3, it would be a pussy paradise because the number of women would largely outnumber the number of men.

        1. While I understand the intent of your comment, it was not Betas in WW1 and WW2. Betas are a RESULT of the Alphas who went to war, as many did not come back.
          You’ve got a false premise: that the world was the same THEN as it is NOW.
          WW1 was a political mess. We should’ve stayed out.
          WW2 was an unfortunate necessity, as Hitler was a “little bit” crazy.
          Think of the things those soldiers did: poison gas, machine guns, first tanks, flamethrowers, strafing from the air – all new, some silent ways, to die, and in greater numbers than ever before.
          Takes BALLS to face that…. WILLINGLY doing it – not once, but TWICE in several cases – THAT can’t be Beta.
          OTOH, I don’t think it pertains to Vietnam or Korea the same way. Vietnam, people were drafted. Korea wasn’t even declared a war… Betas were here in D.C., and they got to corrupt the educational and societal norms, destroying our society in the process… Making Beta the norm. Making Alpha the Enemy of the State (Isn’t that we were supposed to be FIGHTING in WW2 and Vietnam? That Statism, aka communism and socialism, that denies a man an actual self-directed life?)
          The men in WW1 and WW2 had also come from manufacturing and farming jobs, and there was no TV and limited movies. They lived harder lives; by comparison, we’re pussies.
          Need to consider the state of the world, man, that’s all.

      2. There is an anecdote about Chinese breeding so fast, that if you had them March by, four abreast, they would breed faster than they marched, and NEVER stop marching by. A science fiction story used this as the basis of a story titled The Marching Morons, as a future history story. He was right, but not right enough
        He never considered the hate, and the war on whites, and the West

    4. Better yet society will carry on. Betas will keep building while Alphas will keep getting the action. A harsh truth is this behaviour has been going all the time rather than the last century.

    5. Its an interesting fantasy world you occupy. Genetic upgrades? Women destroying civilization all by themselves and not caring about STDs? And yeah trust me, having a job definitely helps.

      1. eh, not if you’re good at lying to women, and its only a one night thing.

      2. Right, but even if you have a job and land a smoking hot wife, and she’s not attracted to you – because let’s face it, women aren’t attracted physically to the vast majority of men, which is why men need jobs and why you see women be extremely aggressive to attractive men – the chances of her cheating are through the roof. You simply cannot beat their evolutionary drive. We can deny it, but it’s there. It’s not fantasy.

        1. Only a chump would marry a woman who isn’t attracted to him. A decent woman is attracted to a man’s persona. Anyway what kind of man are you if you don’t have a job. How are you going to provide for your family?

      3. And women don’t care about STDs, especially if it’s from a hot guy. If they cared the 85% of women wouldn’t have HPV and the STD rates wouldn’t be fucking astronomical as they are; women are the gatekeepers of sex and they can say no whenever they want.

        1. Where did you get those statistics from? Why set yourself up like that putting women in charge of sex? They are not the gatekeepers believe me.

    6. Come to my county to find beautiful educated girl. But day hate beta male, they are brutal.

    7. I find it fascinating that most guy’s interpretation of “alpha” is something to do with height and/or dick size. Pro tip, women FEEL orgasms. Not physically, but emotionally. Tap her heart and it won’t matter (to a certain degree) what height or size you got. For one night or for ten years, it don’t mean shit. If she feels ecstatic she will want it long time.

      1. Yeah its more mental. You could be average build but if you have purpose, confidence and engage her sexuality psychologically then you have the trifecta. Female sexuality is all mental. You could be anything but as long as you had those traits then you’re as alpha as anyone. You dont need to be a bodybuilder, just physically fit and with purpose and a sense of humor and humility doesnt hurt either.

  11. My first response was that the thread that ties my opposing periods together is absence or presence of a WOMAN. I’m sure you’ll all figure out which goes with which.

  12. Thanks to the guys here, at the RVF, at the Good Looking Loser forums, and a couple of other people, I’ve rediscovered my original mission and purpose in life and am now fully focused on pushing forward with that mission.

  13. I’m feeling the negative side of me right now. I stopped bothering with college since teachers suck and it all seems a farse anyway.

  14. Before a man set on a mission one must consider whether the goal to be reached is not cultural demand to be something other than what he is. Otherwise the goal itself will be false and a self-perpetuating mechanism.

  15. So the biggest mistake isn’t taking a fight against Floyd Mayweather?

    1. Not necessarily, as you could bring a gun to a “fight”. Agreeing to a boxing match is much more of a mistake.

  16. “Ask not what my country can do for me, but rather what I can do for my country”
    THE WORST speech of our lifetimes. When your country abandons you, you must
    abandon your country. If your country has deprived you of economic
    opportunities then you cannot do anything for your country.
    The country has gone to the gutters. Politicians, bankers and corporations
    have destroyed all prosperity and opportunities for the middle class which has eroded.
    This is the REALITY of America:
    -Over 100 million Americans out of work
    -Over 100 million Americans on food stamps
    -Over 40 million Americans without health insurance
    -Over 1 trillon dollars in student loan debt, surpassing the nation’s credit card debt
    -Over 1 bllion dollars funnelled into the military industrial complex
    -Over 2 billion dollars given as foreign aid to Israel
    -Corporations owning our government and politicians
    -The most corrupt poltical, legal and economic system
    -The death of good capitalism and the introduction of fascism (too big to fail banks)
    -The highest incarceration rate per capita (the prison industrial complex)
    -The dollar losing 90% of it’s value thanks to the Federal Reserve
    -Since Clinton, Bush and Obama, we have seen NAFTA, Patriot Act, NDAA,
    corporate bailouts, deregulations, bonuses for the rich, tax breaks for
    the rich and industry written laws.
    -Over 8 million jobs outsourced to other countries
    -Technology advancing at a rapid rate and replacing and automating more jobs
    -Violation and errosion of our Constitutional rights
    -The decay and collapse of society and culture ( hipsters, the gay agenda,
    the attacking of religions, the reversals of gender roles, the decay of
    Hollywood and the music industry, the dumbing down of society.)
    Anddespite all of this, most Americans choose not to care. They care more
    about the Kardashians and American Idol. Its no wonder that the traditional gender roles have reversed and we now see more boys and men liking My Little Pony.
    God have mercy on our souls…

    1. You forget that USA soldiers killing people all round world.

    2. You keep saying “Americans” but fail to define “American.”
      In 1940 America was 90% non-Hispanic White.
      In 2014 America is now 63% non-Hispanic White.
      Americans are now Anchor Babies, Welfare Queens, and Somali Muslim “refugees” with an 80 IQ.

      1. Defining “American” by the colour of an individual’s skin has no relevance.
        America is a collapsed empire. The country has deprived all of its resources and opportunities for a lot of people and the middle class has eroded.
        The country has turned into an economic wasteland. Instead of rewarding success, it rewards failure- the too big to fail banks. There is no capitalism, but fascism. The hypocritical and selfish baby boomers have deprived everything for future generations because they were spoilt, had everything the easy way and failed and refused to preserve any capital or economic resources for future generations.
        That is why you have all those zombies and morons on the street with no jobs but expensive smartphones and ipads.
        The country has failed to help a lot of people- now there are over 100 million out of work and the figure keeps growing, something the government will NEVER tell you.
        As George Carlin said, “I will never believe anything that my Government tells me.”

        1. I agree with everything you posted but I think ethnic/racial and cultural politics has a role as well.

  17. I myself would find it very difficult to implement the advice offered in this piece. When you have a set of healthy relationships with sweet, pretty girls who care about you it is nigh on impossible to give a shit about your life’s “primary mission.”
    There were times I suppose in the distant past when I would try to build up and focus energy to work on some ambitious life goal, but I could never get the intensity to last.
    I do however get lost in my hobbies for many hours on end. But I do this because it makes me happy, not because I feel any kind of urgency to better myself. Perhaps this is a more organic path to self improvement.

  18. A man is an instrument. Whatever instrument we want to be, our brains and bodies will gradually adapt to the best form required for the task, even if they’re deformed to the point we can no longer perform another specialized task. A man will mind not the change nor the deformation, because nothing matters more than performing the task and achieving the goal. This degree of sacrifice is something you rarely see in women.
    That’s why men will follow someone who offers a goal, even if there’s no reward. Women will follow someone who offers a reward, even if there’s no goal.

  19. You country force you to be beta. In the old world we have some freedom, in your country you mast be hardcore alpha! Maybe it is reason behind a raising this community. This community is last island for manhood.

  20. Excellent wisdom! I’m always on a mission whether it be learning a new skill, language or travel.

  21. I agree with this post 110%. The most depressing points in my life were seeing other men with missions (e.g. a promising military career, fatherhood, starting a small business, managing a hedge fund, turning shitty scraps of metal into ‘modern art’ or whatever) but not knowing/having my own personal directive. Other low points occurred when I didn’t have a primary mission but tried to busy myself with multiple sub-missions (none of which I truly believed in). I became frustrated, defeatist and ultimately lazy.
    By a stroke of good fortune I awoke from the malaise, saw a goal that fired me up and dedicated myself to it. Haven’t looked back since. Will it stay my mission? Who knows? If something better comes along the train can always change tracks. The important thing though —> the train is in motion and it’s not stopping now.
    American society used to foster an environment that encouraged young men to stretch their legs, try their hand at a little bit of everything so they could find a fulfilling mission by age 25. Today….the best the US can offer teenage boys is Xbox, mountain dew code red, credit card debt and liberal indoctrination at our universities.
    Spot on Jefe.

  22. Jefe, I just have to say that your articles are consistently good. I just read your article about 3 Ways to Stop Being a Bitch…great advice in that article, and in this one, too.
    I struggled with this a lot as a sophomore in college. While I studied abroad, I had time to thnk about my desires and what I wanted to make in this world — and since then, I have had my own personal mission.
    What I have trouble with now is keeping that mission consistent. You talk about indecisiveness in determining one’s personal mission. It could not be more true.
    There are some aspects of my personal mission that have not changed since I crafted it — there are others that have. But I have learned that with time spent reflecting and visualizing, I have a better understanding of what my personal mission is.
    I’m rambling now. Back to fulfilling my personal mission!

  23. Oh jesus, another faulty premise. The biggest mistake a man can make is not thinking for himself. Setting a goal doesn’t matter if you’re still conditioned but can’t see it.

  24. I agree 100%. Without a purpose, you feel useless and if it goes on long enough you start questioning why you are even alive. Working towards something, anything, is better than being stagnant and doing nothing. It seems counterintuitive, but working hard and expending energy to achieve goals actually seems to provide me with MORE energy in life, as compared to when I have less to do and more time to just rest.

  25. I spent 20 years listlessly wallowing in self-pity and depression. I had to basically raise myself, so I was permanently 10 years behind on everything. Took me til my early 30s to catch up and fight off the depression. Sometimes, it takes 2 years, sometimes 20, but it can be done.

  26. The irony is that women love a guy with purpose.Unfortunately any guy that spent real time on his purpose and worked hard on it had to listen to that same ballbuster complaining that he doesnt spend enough attention on her. She was drawn to the guy for having a purpose then resented and took half of everything he owned and worked for because he spent too much time on what attracted her to him in the first place! Don’t get married.

  27. You better have a family. That is what gives your life purpose.

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