If you are neither seeing anyone on the side nor have a pipeline of prospects, getting dumped can leave you in a big rut: your ego takes a hit and negativity leaks all around you. Here are some of the hard truths I push myself to see when that happens. Hopefully this can help you get back on track in times of need.
1. Realize that she does not give a shit about you
I don’t care how heartfelt the breakup’s delivery was or how long she cried, actions speak louder than words: she broke up with you. She just didn’t think you were worth having in her life as a partner anymore. She left you sitting in the curb, and there is no resuming that road trip now.
If you struggle to believe this, remember how you feel when you dump someone: most of the time, you just can’t give a shit anymore and want to get rid of them. In a few rare occasions you are genuinely sad it couldn’t work out and feel sorry for her, but still plow forward regardless. Except for pity, she feels nothing for you, so get it into your head right this moment: She does not care about you and whoever tells you different is lying. Stop listening.
2. Detox emotionally
Remember the basics: you are the only one you can really rely on. At the end of the day, as long as you keep yourself alive, you are still standing. Promise yourself you will never give up and you will never stop working on improving yourself.
Look at the mirror and reflect on all you have been through. Will this finally stop you? Impossible. In the grand scheme of things this means nothing. Down the line, you will look back and laugh at how could you make such a big deal of someone so ugly—while looking at the blonde you have walking beside you.
3. Delete all her messages
And by all messages I mean everything: SMS, Whatsapps, emails, Facebook chats, letters… you name it. Here’s the kicker: Don’t read the contents of what you are about to delete. Otherwise, prepare to slump into feeling like shit and having impractical thoughts such as: “Wow, did she mean all of this stuff?” “She really cared about me,” “Oh, she was so cute the first month”… NO. Don’t. Do. This. Just delete everything. When food goes bad you don’t taste a little and see if it’s expired: the smell already tells. The content is no longer valid, all those words mean nothing.
4. Set up some roadblocks
De-friend her on social media, rename her phone number to “Don’t answer” or put an X in front of her name (e.g. “x Maria”) so that it won’t show in regular scrolling of your contacts but you still know if she’s calling not to pick up.
5. Fuck another girl ASAP
I don’t know about you, but I have a one-slut memory slot. I always remember the last girl I slept with more than any other one before. It’s not a silver bullet, but it’s a damn good place to start. In general, sleeping with other girls helps alleviate loneliness and the insidious symptoms of oneitis.
This point might be difficult for the average man, sometimes doomed to the equivalent of the infamous “waiting for a miracle” relationship status. But if you are serious about self-improvement, you know what to do: approach everything until you can’t anymore. And while struggling, remember that success is only one reward; knowing that you are the social guy who will eventually get the job done is just as valuable. It’s just a matter of time.
6. Focus on the bad if you relapse
If you find yourself thinking about her more than you care to admit, focus on her negative aspects:
- That fetish of yours she didn’t indulge you with
- Childish or immature behavior
- Physical imperfections
- General weaknesses
Above all, don’t take her back no matter what. Trust has been broken, this is a demolished house you don’t want to rebuild: the base is made of moving sands. Don’t waste concrete pouring over it and instead reinstate the abundance mentality you once forgot about.
7. Remember that she is on the next one already
Much like monkeys, women never swing from a branch without holding onto another one. Just in case you needed encouragement to carry out #5.
8. Don’t ask for anyone’s advice
If a close relative dies, would you ask anyone on how to bring them back to life? Didn’t think so. This is the exact same thing. The interaction ceased to exist. Hell, for all intents and purposes, she is dead to you.
The bottom line
Take the experience for what it was: just another stint in your love life. Women come and go, but your self-respect and dignity are here to stay. Don’t embarrass yourself—be a man. If you ever hear a girl plowing the ground to dump you (meaning that you start to see it coming), cut that shit out immediately. “Want to break up?”. If she says yes, stand up and go away. Leave her sitting there, don’t give her the satisfaction to see you hurt or in pain. Go back to your hole and lick your wounds out of sight as long as you have to. Or better, go to the gym directly after and shout and grunt your way through the most intense deadlift session you have ever had, full of anger and loathing. Get that personal record you have been itching towards for weeks: let hatred be your fuel.
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