Masculinity

How To Speak Deeply With Confidence And Authority

52 Comments

How does the sound of your voice resonate with other people?

The pitch and tone of our voices directly affects how we communicate our feelings and desires. You may be coming across as needy and insecure without even knowing it.

To illustrate this fact, I’d like you to imagine that you’re sitting on a bench and waiting at the doctor’s office or waiting for the bus. Let’s say you’re waiting for the bus, to make this visualization a bit easier.

You notice a man walking towards you out of the corner of your eye. As you turn, you see that he’s hunched over and looking at the ground. He’s not particularly old, just seemingly weak and insecure. You look back ahead.

“Excuse me,” calls out a deep voice from beside you.

What do you do?

Now let’s take a step back and rewind. You’re sitting at the same bus stop, all alone. Again you catch a person walking towards you out of the corner of your eye. This time you turn and see a tall man with wide shoulders strutting your way. You hold eye contact with him for a minute and then turn back to look ahead.

“Excuse me,” calls out a voice from beside you.

This time it’s not deep, but rather high pitched and frail, like that of an old women. How do you react?

Do you see what I’m getting at? Both of these situations seem odd because we instinctively link deep voices to characteristics like strength, confidence, and authority. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is a big dude and he speaks like one. Steve Jobs was an incredible innovator and marketer. No one will argue that. But watch his videos and listen to his voice. He sounds rather weak and insecure, nothing like The Rock.

If you didn’t know these two men and only heard their voices, you’d paint two very distinct pictures of what you’d expect them to look like and how you’d expect them to act.

You must speak from your belly

To speak in a deep, authoritative tone you must use your full diaphragm. This is known as speaking from your belly. Or speaking from your balls.

Men with deep voices do this, either naturally or because they’ve learned how. Men with shallow, weak voices do not. They instead speak from their chests or throats. Not only does this sound weaker, but the sound does not travel as far. That’s why people like this are often asked to repeat themselves – something that will often damage your confidence and self-esteem.

To internalize this concept I want you to perform the following exercise.

1. Take five breaths through your nose and deep into your belly, so that it rises and expands as you breathe. As you exhale, say “hello” each time.

2. Take five breaths through your mouth and into your chest, so that is rises and expands as you breathe. As you exhale, say “hello” each time.

3. Take five shallow breaths through your mouth and into your throat. As you exhale, say “hello” each time.

How do you sound each time? Do it again if you have to.

If you’re doing it right, your voice should be rather deep for the belly breaths, high pitched for the throat breaths, and somewhere in between for the chest breaths.

Do it again and feel your belly, your chest, and your throat vibrate as you go. Make sure that you’re speaking from your belly. This will change how you speak. People will perceive you as more confident and you’ll embody this confidence as a result.

This is an excerpt from my new book Confidence Hacks. For 23 more hacks, click here.

Read More: 6 Habits That Hold Men Back

52 thoughts on “How To Speak Deeply With Confidence And Authority”

  1. Awesome post bro. Described the concept perfectly. Speaking from your belly is HUGE when it comes to attracting women and being confident. And the rest of your book is epically good as well

  2. I cannot emphasise on how important this is, in order to be a real man.
    Speaking with confidence and in an articulate manner is a skill, I repeat a skill, that needs to be learnt and crafted on a regular basis.
    The amount of jackasses I see on the street and the bizarre manner in which they speak makes me disgusted. Honestly, I have seen immigrants from India, speak much better English than many Westerners.
    Being able to speak with confidence, in a well articulate manner and more importantly, being able to speak in proper English, not like some unsophisticated slob, is one of the key elements which will help to determine, whether you will succeed in life.
    It seperates the winners, from the losers and also, allows you to gain the respect of your fellow peers and others in society. This very skill, can help you as an individual, to show others that you can be a true leader and others will look upto you.

  3. And for God’s sake, don’t uptalk. Compare and contrast the speech of the guy on the left with that of the guy on the right:

    1. Perhaps a Sean Connery-esque backhanded slap across the face will correct these uptalking guys. It’s either that or for these guys to go to the gym and pick up some weights.

  4. This is huge. Women are highly responsive to verbal communication. Women respond to how its said, not the content of what’s said. Women constantly complain that men are bad communicators, but the minute you start adopting female speech patterns they go cold. This can be a social handicap for males who were raised by single moms, which is half the male population now in america.

  5. Good article, the way you speak and the tone an pitch of your voice is something that defines you as a man. How you speak is something people judge will judge you on so improving it is important.

  6. One thing I noticed (or was made aware of) back in the 90s is that my “telephone voice” is lower than my usual voice, maybe by half an octave. One of the women who worked at my dentist’s office mentioned to me that the outgoing message on my answering machine (which is how you know it was really the 90s, natch) probably made girls fall in love with me. I mentioned it to a girl I was shagging and she told me, in a bit of alcohol enhanced candor, that she would sometimes call my home number when she knew I wasn’t there just to listen to me say, “You have reached 555-1234. This is Mistral. I am not at home right now….” because it made her feel all, um, melty inside.
    So guess which voice I started consciously adopting when talking to girls?
    Happy slaying,
    Mistral

    1. Thought you would’ve used 867-5309 as your telephonic pseudonym. I’ve heard it’s the opposite with me–my telephone voice is higher than normal. It’s funny how we do it and don’t even notice. I’ll have to work on that.

      1. Nah, 867-5309 was the number of some stripper I was shagging. My voice on her answering machine would have no doubt created trouble. 😉

  8. There are ways to improve your bass too. Says each letter of the alphabet in as low a tone as possible. The slower the sound, the better. One letter takes me about 3-5 seconds. Do this daily. It helps with diction of each sound in deep bass.
    You can also work on your vocal cords. As above, say the words King, Kong, Ding, Dong as low as you can go. Let the vowel sound ring on for 3 or more seconds. Then do it all again but even lower. Then again, even lower. Do that part as much as you want, but the ne t part only once: Now do King Kong while looking straight up at the ceiling. This will really stress your vocals so don’t do this more than once a day.
    Your gains can be lost if you stop practicing. At first your voice will crack but you will get better with practice.

  9. If you are grounded as a person your energy center will be lower and naturally your voice will come from the belly. If you head is up in the clouds though, it won’t matter if you try to speak from your belly, you will still sound weak.

  11. Great advice; I totally agree. A big part of my job involves sales. My numbers improved substantially after deliberately developing a deeper and more confident tone. Same thing with women.

  12. Not many things spur me to violent thought, but a man who speaks in up-tone triggers me every time. It makes me want to slap him in the face, and Jack Donovan’s awesome book The Way Of Men finally helped me understand why.
    Good control of one’s voice is a key aspect in getting people to be quiet and listen to you. Especially if it contains that certain hypnotic quality at which point it barely matters what you’re saying because the sound of your voice alone makes people feel good.
    Great article, I hope people pay attention and follow your advice.

  13. I’m fortunate to have a Barry White/Isaac Hayes type voice, good vocal role models (obviously don’t fake that voice.)
    I would add “relaxed” as a good vocal quality to have, don’t speak fast or stutter.

    1. Stuttering is a problem though. I have a low voice and an excellent vocabulary but I have difficulty articulating. It’s not psychological like some cases. I seriously think mine is from a head injury I suffered when I was young. And being OCD doesn’t help. I know I’m going to have to carefully choose my words so as not to get tongue tied so I tend to spend more time thinking rhan talking. The only way I can participate in a fast moving conversation is to throw out something funny which I’m good at but serious conversation is difficult. Which is why my opinions are rarely listened to in formal conversation. It’s very frustrating being ignored. And yes I’ve had classes in speaking. I’m not afraid to speak in public. I just make s fool out of myself which is hard on the ego. It’s hard to have confidence when speaking to someone when you know you’re going to flub it.

  15. I know this might sound weird and let me know if anyone else has experienced this. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m around certain people I tend to emulate their speech patterns a bit.
    For example when I’m at work with my boss I can speak fluidly and without stuttering. When I go to the gym with one of my friends who tends to have a bit of a mild stutter in his speech I notice that I have problems speaking as well, and the words I want to say don’t come out fluidly.
    Weird as hell I know.

      1. Thanks for the reply. I’m assuming there is a way to control this. It gets a bit annoying and I’ve only started noticing it about a month ago.

    2. Absolutely, it’s a form of empathy. I tend to fall into regional accents within a week of staying someplace. Just happens naturally but often helps people relate to you better. To counteract that (whenever I didn’t want to sound like a native) I would consciously pause a bit longer before answering and it helped me fall back into my own natural voice more easily.

    1. Along with the Hulse stuff he talks about breaking up trigger points/scar tissue in your abdomen, diaphragm and even pelvic floor. I’ve tried his exercises and noticed my voice dropped .5-1 octave in a few minutes. My favorite is taking the biggest breath I can and holding it (not blocking like I would for a heavy lift, just holding it) and then with my arms overhead like a victory position I bend back as far as I can. You might feel a pretty intense stretching/tearing feeling in some parts of your belly and even into your pelvic bone.
      Whenever I’m stressed/anxious I do this and it really helps calm me down and keeps my voice lower and smoother, less nasally and high pitched. It’s amazing how tight and matted down the tissues can get from sitting or lifting regularly.

  17. I partially disagree. I happen to have a deep voice and I learned to speak with my diaphragm at a very early age.But the downside is that my voice sounded very
    low. Sometimes I thought I was talking in a normal tone but people
    actually heard mumbling. Besides, many of the best speakers of our time -guys like Hitler, Churchill, JFK and Mussolini- had voices leaning on the high-pitch side and sometimes they even sounded nasal. That’s also true for most radio broadcasters of old. They did that because it helps you project and reach farther. The reign of the deep voice in public media is a very recent thing and is a result of technical advancements and a higher fidelity that allow for deep voices to be heard clearly in recordings.

    1. The speaker’s language has a big effect on his base speaking pitch. Latin languages in general encourage much higher pitches than Slavic ones. With Germanic ones in between and English all over the map…..

      1. Nah. You can’t lump all slavic languages together. It’s Russian you are talking about… Russians speak in a very low tone and when they switch to english their voices usually get higher. With Polish it’s the exact opposite. It’s a very high-pitched language. That’s why many Russian authors (Dostoevskij) made fun of it.

  18. I have heard Steve Jobs speak, and he did not in any way sound “insecure.” I can virtually guarantee that if him and “The Rock” ever had a conversation/argument overheard by an audience, the latter would be weaseling and wiggling like an insecure teenage girl casting about for approval within seconds, while ole’ Steve would hold frame with about as much deviation as a ramrod going though foam. Even if the conversation was about weightlifting, or something else that Mr. Jobs really had no clue about whatsoever.

    2. Hahahahaha, I was just thinking the same thing. He comes across very masculine and shit untill you hear his voice.

  20. The key is to speak confidently and with resonance. Some guys have naturally high voices, so the Barry White thing is off limits to them, but generally speaking speaking in the lower part of your vocal range is the right idea.
    Take deep breaths, use your diaphragm, enunciate, and generally speak slowly and at lower pitches – again, which will vary from man to man.

  21. Take five breaths through your nose and deep into your belly, so that it rises and expands as you breathe. As you exhale, say “I’m Batman” each time.

    1. Lol… good one, but Tyson is an extreme and I mean extreme anomaly out of 7 billion people.

  23. Greatly appreciate the tips to lower tone. I have found that speaking too quickly is very annoying. I am probably somewhat guilty of this but definitely notice it when out with my male friends at the bar, and they are talking to girls like they are by the lockers at high school “OH My gosh! You love The Broncos Too! High Five!”
    Think about pacing, pausing, and saying things of importance. You don’t have to come across as unapproachable and elitist, but a degree of aloofness and wisdom really makes you stick out. Think of Sean Connery. Or think of any great comedian. Even those with higher pitched voices. The pacing, the toning, the pauses, make or break the joke.
    Also, it wouldn’t hurt to have a voice like this guy. He did the voiceover for the beginning of the JFK movie (and probably many others) and used to host a late night talk show coast to coast:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwdWA27GaOQ

  24. Great Article! I have a problem speaking from my chest/throat. After reading this i applied it immediately here at work!

  27. When I talk normally, my mom tells me “low your voice too loud!” Which it frustrating when talking to her. Isn’t that a way to emasculate a mans voice to become more feminine?

  28. Effective communication:
    7% verbal: words
    38% tonality: loudness, feeling, pace, speed and pattern of the voice.
    55% physiology: body language and movement, posture, skin color, muscular tension/relaxation, temperature, gestures, rate of breathe, etc.
    Operating under assumptions that the WORDS comprise 90% + of communication is like taking a trip around the World in a ten cylinder car that only hits on one…less than optimum results; frustrating for the amount of time and effort expended. Disappointing in a confused and exhausting kind of way.
    Ever wonder WHY you frequently hear, “Humans only utilize at most 10% of their mental capacity?” This is WHY…because almost everyone believes the WORDS are everything.
    The greatest part of confidence, creativity, emotion, expression, sexuality and personal projection are transmitted, received and interpreted between human beings on an unconscious level.
    Everything changes now once you know this.

  29. As a teenager my daughter would often go weak at the knees upon hearing my voice but only when I had just woken up and I would naturally speak in a lower tone as it was easier to do than the slighter higher pitch when I was up at operational level.
    I’ve often wondered if this reaction would scale up to other women.

  30. I know you would rather women don’t post on here, but I have seen others (in other articles) and thought I could just slip in.
    I was reading comments on some of the other articles posted in your 35 must-reads, and honestly, it got my blood all boiling. And then I clicked on a link that brought me to this article. I just want to say that a man’s voice, besides being commanding and confident and authoritarian, is also very comforting. It lets people know someone who knows what he’s doing is in charge, and we (I) can breathe easier knowing I’m safe. I don’t know if I said that right. I do know that just thinking about my Hero’s voice calmed me.

  31. The fact that Steve Jobs was high-pitched, whiny, and insecure-sounding (as well as having been known for emotional outbursts and public crying jags) kind of ruins the premise of this article for me… Because of who Steve Jobs was. Maybe “sounding authoritative” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and being a creative genius is a helluva lot more important.

  32. True but when everything is in place you will naturally speak deep. Holding your voice back is sign of confidence problem whether u know about them or not.
    Take cold showers, don’t fap, accomplish few things u think u can’t and you’ll speak like God. Good voice comes from carelessness and freedom. Deeply ingrained in your soul.

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