A sure way for men to fail at opportunities in life, business, and with women is by half-assing it — that is, deciding on a course of action but then not following through with sufficient commitment. This is something you should avoid if you want “deep” experiences that transcend the superficial. Whenever you do anything, you should give it all you’ve got in that moment to ensure that you live as a man in the most visceral, meaningful way possible.
Live Each Moment With 100% Commitment
This summer I traveled to the south of France to see a good friend of mine get married. Now, this man is no fool and he’s more than aware of ROK, neomasculinity, and the concerns that many guys have over marriage. He is not naive and is fully cognizant of the pitfalls that can befall the unwary. He has also been very successful both in business and with girls.
Nevertheless, at the apex of his player days five years ago he met a girl who had all the characteristics he desired in a long-term partner—good looks, of course, but also a sweet, feminine nature as well as traditional values and the desire to raise a family. Wanting kids himself he proposed and they hired a beautiful chateau in the French countryside to tie the knot.
The ceremony was attended by this guy’s player friends from NYC as well as a great many high net-worth individuals from Europe and the US. Throughout, dressed in a snappy velvet designer suit, my friend was ebullient and played the role of the dashing bridegroom with complete conviction.
When we talked about it afterwards he had something interesting to say.
It’s not that I don’t have my doubts about marriage, Troy. Of course I do. But I want a family and I’ve chosen to stick with this girl. Now, things may not turn out the way I want them to, sure. But you saw me up there making my speech. I committed 100%. Even if you think that doubts may arise in the future, to get the most out of life you should own everything you do entirely. If you change your mind somewhere down the line afterwards, at least in that moment you’ve experienced whatever it was on a deep level.
Before people start going on about divorce rape in the comments section, I am of course only using my friend’s wedding as an example (disclaimer: enter into marriage at your own risk!). But I think the point holds good. If you’re going to do something then you might as well do it like you mean it. That way you’ll get more out of the experience than if you just go through the motions.
If you want to be a player, then be a player—go out as often as you can and interact with as many girls as possible. If you like a girl and you get into a relationship with her then have fun being her boyfriend and don’t get hung up on whether walking around theme parks hand-in-hand wearing matching sweaters is “alpha” or not. If you want to start a business then take a deep breath, commit, and give it everything you’ve got.
In each of these scenarios you should keep giving all you’ve got until such time as you change your mind and decide to take another course, or until the situation for whatever reason becomes unworkable (i.e. your business goes bust or things turn sour with your girl).
In Game, You Should Give Each Interaction 100% Too
This philosophy also holds good in game, and in particular when you first approach. I was recently talking to a coaching client who has had difficulty meeting women for most of his life. He told me that he normally goes in with an indirect opener, such as “Can you tell me where the nearest Starbucks is,” and then, if he senses any interest on her part, attempts to transition to a longer conversation. Unfortunately he has had little traction with this method up to now.
Now, while I have no issue with indirect openers per se and have used them successfully many times in the past myself, my sense was that this man wasn’t committed enough to his approaches and was “letting himself off the hook.”
Men (and women) generally want to avoid rejection as it can be painful and humiliating. One way of mitigating its painful sting is by pretending to ourselves and others that we weren’t actually that bothered in the first place. Say you approach a girl, make like you’re not interested, and she turns you down. No big deal, right? You didn’t care anyway.
But the problem with this strategy is that you don’t generally get a reward without some risk. The romantic gestures that get girls’ hearts (and vaginas) fluttering tend to be those where the guy has put himself on the line. In simple terms this means that it is much more impressive—because it takes more balls—to walk up to a girl in a crowded cafe, look her in the eye and tell her that you think she is hot than to ask her where the soya milk is in the hope of this leading on to something more exciting.
Walk Up To Her With Intent
Whether you go direct or indirect, make sure that you walk up to the girl with intent and that you communicate your masculinity (in contrast to her femininity) through every aspect of your presentation from the way you carry yourself (shoulders back, taking up a lot of space, walking like a CEO) to strong eye contact, a deep voice, and slow speech. The overall effect should be to make it obvious that, regardless of what is coming out of your mouth, you want to have sex with her.
When faced with a confident man who sexually desires her, a girl is either going to accept or reject him. So be it. Don’t be tempted to half-ass it to let yourself off the hook. Make your interest plain, either through what you say or with your body, and let her decide.
You may think that by not committing 100% to the approach you will make things a little easier on yourself. Well, perhaps you’re right, but you will also reduce your chances of getting that girl exponentially. So go to it, lay it on the line and let the chips fall where they may.
Committing 100% To Everything You Do Will Make Your More Fulfilling
Life is characterized by uncertainty and it can often be difficult to know whether we’ve made the right decision or not. Should you leave the company you work for? Should you take that new job? Should you move to Eastern Europe? Should you start your own business or form a relationship with that particular girl? In each of these cases there are too many unforeseen variables to calculate which call is the “right” one.
Instead of worrying, though, it is far better to embark on a course of action and proceed with 100% commitment as though you are absolutely certain that what you are doing is right. Of course, you should always take advice, but beyond that, by committing to something entirely you will enjoy a far greater depth of experience than you would by simply dipping your toe into the water without taking the plunge.
And remember, nothing is forever. If things don’t work out, you can always change tack down the line.
Read More: How to Make Her Your Girlfriend
Another great life lesson, brought to you by IMPROV classes.
Improv: Teaching life lessons through silly skits
Jezabel down for maintenance?
Not so lucky…
Good advice in general
I went through a rough patch a few years ago. Scientific methods and “reason”rarely break you out of a personal slump.
I found that tackling problems head on with a good degree of aggression turns those problems to dust 90% of the time and significantly reduces them the remaining 10%.
Guts, balls and work is the great leveller. They’re the solution to nearly all life’s equations
From the Hagakure:
My old instructor had a saying similar to this:
“If someone attacks me and I make the decision to bite his nose off, I may get killed in the process, but by God I will bite his nose off!”
Oh, I did not know you were a cook.
I don’t follow…
Well, if your instructor flirted with the idea of biting off noses, I figure he must be a cook.
Must be a cook joke. Never heard this one before.
I just made it up. The implication was that the motivation for biting off someone’s nose despite the threat of death was insatiable appetite. Thought it was obvious.
What in God’s holy name are you blathering about?
I made a joke.
I’ll tell you what he’s blathering about, he’s got
information, man, new shit has come to light!
I think the real question here is whether Unbashed’s professor, cook or no, did it to spite his face
…All the bad jokes from my anecdote….I’m taking a vow of silence for the rest of the day to reflect on my sin of initiating this comment chain. Where’s my rosary beads?
Obviously. Is my joke really that hard to comprehend?
Hey, you are answering to your own comment.
You get a vote just because I love that film like a… well… not a kid, but definitely a pet
Not surprising, you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.
How you figure there, skippy? Most of the time I’m cracking jokes or merely carrying on a conversation with others.
Also, why the sudden hostility over a simple joke? Did I hurt your feelings by saying your joke was bad?
it’s the punchline from a joke about a vow of silence.
Monk takes a vow of silence and his Headmaster (or whatever the head monk is called) says you can only speak 2 words every three years. So three years later he says “what are your two words” and the monk says “food lousy” three years later he says “what are your two words” monk replies “bed uncomfortable” three years later he says “what are your 2 words” and he replies “i quit” and the head monk says “not surprising, you’ve been complaining since you got here.”
Sorry, my reply was predicated on you having known that joke.
Ah, hah. I was like WHOA WHOA WHOA! That escalated quickly! I thought we were all having a good time here!
Well there isn’t a literal connection here, dude.
yeah, it would have been pretty absurd. Taking the chance you would know the joke was a long shot, but I figured if you did it was a dynamite response and if you didn’t no harm no foul.
Right on.
Nice one.
Big Lebowski is the name of a movie. The commenter has left exactly one comment, which is this one. The Dude is a character from the same movie. The commenter even made the effort to upload the right pictures.
Look Tom, have you ever heard of Viet Nam?
Who is that?
Oh, for Christ’s sake, Walter …
Deciding at the moment whether to watch that movie..
I guarantee you will like it. Any man must like it.
Ok, thanks, will make sure I do before sending it back..
Scientific method and reason are typically required to succeed. For example, the (main) reason this website exist is because of trial/error and reason indicate that women are not the same companion in marriage/relationships of 50, 100 years ago and therefore men must be reframe. Without reasoning, men on this site would still be blue-pill. I’m making $200k/year in my early 30s because of reason and logic. That reason and logic should be COUPLED with guts, balls, and hard work.
“Guts, balls and work is the great leveller. They’re the solution to nearly all life’s equations”
This.
Good article. If more of my friends took the same view yours did of marriage (eyes wide open, fully admitting it could fail, well aware of the risks), I could support them in their marriage.
It is true there are often no right, wrong, or even best choices. I am currently studying the first world war, and in film and media there are always these stories of a young man and woman who barely know each other committing to marry as the man goes off to war. I used to think how stupid to flippantly make such a huge life decision, and indeed, I still believe one should vet one’s partner more closely. But the truth was, if both parties gave 100%, it would typically work. Especially back then when one if not both parties were virgins and there was a lot of societal pressure for both husband and wife to uphold their marital duties.
Marriage meant something different back then. Men got married before going off to war because it gave them a reason to make it back. Also it made any children conceived while they were off fighting “legitimate” (yes it happened a lot and that was just the way it was).
Row, Row, fight the powah.
“Kick logic to the curb” Excuse me Sir, but that reeks of feminism!
Women are illogical. Need I say more?
The toughest place I ever found myself in life was when I had three paths to choose from professionally and had to pick one of them with little time to consider the broad implications. Each path was completely different and all had similar, yet different, potential pitfalls. It was a big decision. It was probably going to mean this is what I would be doing (and where I would be living) for at least the next decade of my life. Instead of charging ahead I let the weight of the decision overwhelm me almost to the point where I lost one of the three opportunities.
A friend finally got me out of the fog of war by saying “sometimes in life you just have to choose a path and go down it…don’t look back…there are no “right” answers in life…you have no idea what would have actually happened if you went down either of the other paths…” He was right. I picked. And what I picked was largely “right” in that it has worked out so far.
In life when you have to make a decision, just do it and then give it all your conviction. If it ends up not working out, recalibrate, and readjust. Never look to the past and pine about what could have been.
One more from the Hagakure:
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
‘I don’t much care where -‘ said Alice.
‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
‘- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,’ Alice added as an explanation.
‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Another good quote and I can’t remember where it came from, but here it is – “if in life you are doing something that feels safe and familiar you are probably doing something wrong.” (Might be paraphrasing actual quote but that is the jist of it).
Make a decision and deal with the benefits and consequences of your decision. Make the best of it.
Twice I “bulked” at the plate on career/dream opportunities that many would give their left arm for. I’d be lying to say I don’t regret those a bit considering where I am now. I walked away with a prime lesson, and that’s to swing hard.
I never imagined how many external forces can work against you, like a Murphy’s Law army, when in my youth, these opportunities arose. Life lesson learned.
”paint that picture of tomorrow’s victory, and then dive right into it”
And don’t let the decision overwhelm you or build it up into something it is not in your head. I let it make me think I was decided how I would spend the rest of my life and giving the decision that much gravity almost drove me into depression. I had visions of either being a rich man driving a sports car or a homeless man with no reality in between. Obviously, neither absolute was going to be true. Even if the opportunity failed I was still going to be capable of finding something else. Don’t let your mind create irrational speculative conclusions that could happen if you choose “wrongly”.
Always keep learning and honing your skills and tools. When faced with forks in the road, take your skills and throw your A game at it. The more time you spend learning and practicing, you’ll find that you’re wound up and ready when an oppornutity to tackle arises. Like executing a swing on a ball or tackling a project, you execute the venue with confidence. What would take someone less bold a lifetime to accomplish, you plow through with the speed to fly over the pitfalls whilst others who tiptoe would cautiously stop short at the pitfalls.
Live with a daily commitment to always overcome your own petty self. Try to be magnanimous in spirit and live it with a bit of panache and style, it don’t cost much, but it make’it the man.
In the book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, the author discusses the concept that your initial snap decision is so commonly correct, or so consistently close to correct in comparison to your thought-out decisions, that acting on your first decision immediately provides better net results very often in life, both short and long term.
Reviewing every possible pathway makes all pathways become stale in time. Analysis paralysis I call it. If I’m not in a crazed hurry, I tackle things as they arise.. which leads to the best method to destress your life and lower anxiety overall. You’ll notice the same in companies that are able to think quickly on their feet and react, and not call a round-table meeting for every decision under the sun. They’re the pioneers in their industry.
As my grandfather taught me — if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well. ‘Nuff said.
Years ago, at one point I was doing boxing, karate, mma fighting and weight training all at the same time. I was training each day of the week in something and sometimes twice a day. But I quickly found out that I could not do all these things at once, at least not in a serious manner. I had a job and responsibilities. So I asked myself which one was the most important to me and I decided to choose weight training and only focus on that. I have made good gains in recent years.
Just do it gents, ignore all the pseudo psychologist mumbo jumbo shite flying around, and simply stroll up to a girl/woman you fancy and say ‘Hi I’m Jim, lets go for a drink’ If she says no..absolutely nothing will happen, the world will keep turning, and you’ll live to bonk another day. :)) And anyway, she’s the one with the problem..she’s got no taste in men. lmao
Best luck to your friend getting married Troy. I don’t know the guy so I can only offer this obligatory bit of advice for him. And this is something which has been bugging my mind lately. Eventually my think tank will figure out the metaphysics behind it, but for now : MEN SHOULD separate from the woman during her menstruation. For a period of seven days, ye shalt put her out and away from earshot, preferrably into a shed with water, crackers, vitamin suppliment with iron, cheap disposable air mattress, a candle and bible. If you have children, have a home girl step in and help while the mensing ‘wife’ is in solitude.
Again, don’t ask me to explain why right now, but what ever you do, don’t EVER EVER serve your knob a raspberry sundae. I sense that the reason this is so is because perhaps an egg forelorn is journeyed from the netherworlds, or returning. BITCH FORCE regulates the pussy gates and at this juncture in time, a ragging pussy can sap your man force into the abyss.
Many patriarchal cultures throughout history have practiced segregation and isolation of their women during their menstruation. So when married, it’s really best to keep the woman pumped and lumpy. Never waste an egg. An egg wasted becomes egg on her brain. (This also coincides with giving HER your 100% pumparoo)
Many a great man be weary of being fatally bitten by a sneaky ragdag. Lest ye be smitten for once whilst ye dog is in the hole. Working ho’s are dangerous because they’ll hose their shit out and try to still turn a buck the same day. The ho’s have no master to control them and/or their pimp can’t build an isolation shed if he tried.
Fuck your neighbors mom.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks for reminding me of why I visit this at times cheesy repository of advice (ROK). Time to stop taking this three hour coffee break and bust a nut.
I understand the value of direct openers and intent. In fact I once saw a gorgeous, stylishly-dressed girl in Ikea chatting with her friend. I approached her confidently and told her how I liked how stylishly she dressed, which was no bullshit because I really thought that. I talked to her for a while and found out she was an actress who had some minor parts on TV. The interaction ended with her enthusiastically giving me her number and agreeing to a date. However, I have found, like Roosh says in “Day Game,” that indirect openers have the highest chance of success. Once again, you need to be committed to talking for a while for them to translate to numbers and dates.
Your neighbor’s mom is a prostitute. Don’t make up cover stories.
“Committing 100% To Everything You Do Will Make Your More Fulfilling”.
This subtitle should be corrected so that it makes sense: “… Your Life More Fulfilling”.
There’s also wisdom in the saying “fire bullets BEFORE you fire cannonballs” which basically means, in the beginning of a new venture or project, you DO NOT commit 100%. Firing bullets before cannonballs means to start small, like a bullet. If you’re buying a stock, only buy a few shares or before you move to a new city, maybe airbnb it there for a few weeks to find out the ins and outs to make sure you’re not going to absolutely hate it, or this or that. Then, after testing the waters and thinking it over, if it looks good, then at that point, commit 100%. On his bit about committing 100% to your approaches and interactions with women, I of course agree. 100% that is.