What No One Tells You About Approaching Girls In Your Social Circle

Almost without fail when a friend comes to me for advice about a girl he is attracted to and would like to be with, it turns out that she is a member of his social circle. Perhaps he’s met her at work, through a close circle of mutual friends, or maybe they share a house or apartment. Almost invariably the friend has solicited my opinion as, even though they might get on well, he is failing to gain any traction with her.

There is a lesson here that all men should learn: if you are looking to meet a woman either for fun or to become your girlfriend then it is far better that you cold approach a stranger rather than hit on someone you already know.

The Attraction Is Obvious…


At first glance this is counterintuitive. Why shouldn’t you go for girls you already know, or who are already in your social proximity? Surely this should be easier rather than harder? You probably already have an ‘in’ as you’ve been introduced by a mutual friend or by circumstances. You may well have shared interests—if, for example, you met in class at college.

Common sense would dictate that to approach such a girl with a view to dating her would be easier. Most men find the idea of approaching a new girl strange and terrifying, while the prospect of hitting on that cute girl you know who shares a house with Jim is a lot more appealing and less intimidating.

…But It’s a Flawed Strategy


There are several difficulties that make the alternative—cold approaching girls from outside your circle—significantly less doomed to abject failure.

When you hit on a girl you know, you forget that everyone else is doing the same thing. It’s the stuff of beta fantasies, isn’t it? That that girl at high school will suddenly notice you and you’ll fall in love. Or that girl in the office will magically fall in love with you over a pile of invoice queries.

The problem is that is very rarely happens.

Every social or professional situation you find yourself in is a microcosm of society at large. The office, your coding class, the house you share with five other people. Each one of these is its own social ecosystem. And if there’s one thing we can say with some certainty about girls it’s this—they are attracted to power, and in any social situation the guy with the most power (be it corporate power, social power, looks, muscle or money) is the one who is most likely to get laid.



Take the UK as an example. In this country, most girls between the ages of 18-30 would probably have sex with, and marry, Prince Harry. Why? Well, he’s the Queen’s grandson and the most prominent eligible member of the royal family since William got hitched to Kate. And what girl wouldn’t want to marry a prince?

So how come any other guy in the UK gets laid other than Prince Harry? It’s obvious—because most girls don’t have access to him. But say I lived in Clarence House with him and a hot twenty-one year-old girl. Do you think I’d get a look in? Of course I wouldn’t. Why? Because that girl would be attracted to the most powerful man in her immediate vicinity and even with game changing that would be a hard task.

The most powerful man in the environment where your favoured girl hangs out probably isn’t Prince Harry. But unless it’s you then you may face a hard task in seducing her.

OK, maybe it is you—at work, say. But it won’t always be you. Maybe there’s a stronger, bigger guy at your gym, or a better dancer at your salsa class. Unless a man learns game he will find that more often than not he is reliant on luck with women—the luck of being the most alpha guy in the room at that particular time.

You Are Reliant On Luck


In essence, when you fancy a girl at work or in your class and you decide to get friendly with her and “see what happens” then you are simply relying on blind luck that she is attracted to you too. And blind luck is never a great strategy.

The reason? Because it’s very hard to create the kind of man-to-woman polarity required to spark attraction in a small social group like an office or a church choir. To really attract a girl you must be prepared to take risks, burn your boats, and possibly never see her again. If it’s the receptionist at your office and you’re worried about possible consequences when you ask her out then you are unlikely to do so, and even if you do you’ll do it in such a softened way as to be immediately friend-zoned.

Attraction Is Based On Speed, Risk And Brashness


Think about jerks who attract beautiful women. What do they do? They are charming, cocking and go in for the kill quickly, not caring whether someone else observes or thinks badly of them. Are you likely to behave like this with a girl who is friends with your best friend’s girlfriend? Probably not.

More likely you will be measured and careful, fearful or overstepping the mark or being impolite. But unfortunately it is that very reticence that will render you unattractive to her. Much better to have hit on her brazenly and quickly, whether your eventual goal was making her a girlfriend or a short-term fling.

You Are Much Better Taking Your Chances With Women You Don’t Know


Look, approaching strange girls can be scary, and rejection is a bitter pill to swallow for many men. But in most cases—unless you are getting definite indications of interest from the girls already around you—you are far better off going for girls with whom you have no prior connection. This will allow you to take greater risks, be cockier and funnier, and to walk away without consequences if you are rejected. Far better that than to worry about enduring months of awkwardness after your mistimed attempt with your housemate.

Whatever the doubters say, whether you are looking for a girlfriend or merely a passing bit of fun, it behoves every man to learn the rudiments of game and to hunt outside his social circle. For it is here, in the wider world, where his greatest romantic and sexual pleasures are likely to be found.

Read More: 5 Reasons Why the Skeptics Are Wrong And You Need To Learn Game Now

226 thoughts on “What No One Tells You About Approaching Girls In Your Social Circle”

  1. First comment bitches! Reading this article reminds me why I preferred dating girls far from my social circles, beginning in high school. As it turns out, you might not be the only one going after that particular girl. A buddy of yours might be “dating” her as well. Hilarity ensues.

      1. Yes they do and have you ever noticed that they all say that their exes were terrible lovers? At least to other guys they say that. To their girlfriends you were a monster from hell who was an animal in bed

        1. It’s not like she’s going to tell you that her ex was really good and bed and his dick was bigger too.

        2. True but it is funny when hear a guy repeat what his new woman said about her ex. Let me guess he has a small dick

  2. That was a lesson I learned (without realizing I had learned it) by 16 years old. I just had it pegged that something was wrong with the local girls. And I knew about being the new guy in town. I was doing this but, without knowing why. This was a good one, it is best to remember that attraction happens fast with women and they tend to never change their minds in your favor later. Stop dreaming about poon you will never have and keep moving

    1. These days, I look back at my days of ‘chasing’ pussy and find it silly and pointless. As Ian Fleming wrote:

      Luck in all its moods had to be loved and not feared Bond saw luck as a woman, to be softly wooed or brutally ravaged, never pandered to or pursued.

      1. You are wrong. Those days of chasing pussy built you as a man and taught you the ways of the world. We can speak of careers and ambitions but what matters is what you leave behind. For most of us, that will be children.
        In case it is confusing, those children will come from women, preferably your wife. The government has put obstacles in our way and made having a family the single biggest challenge most of us will face.
        By having chased pussy you have built many skills but also relieved yourself of stress. That is the stress of the biological imperative to impregnate as many women as possible in order to ensure the survival of your genes. Furthermore, when the time comes to choose the mother of your children, she who will provide the proper nurturing environment, you will now know both the good and the bad women.
        And in this, you can finally resolve those “mother issues”.

        1. Ah, you misunderstood there. I have zero game. I will still need to chase pussy in the sense you described. What I meant was obsessing over single girls even if they do not want me.
          But your points are, of course, correct.

        2. What you are referring to is onietis; the obsession over one particular woman. Tis a bitch this onietis business.

        3. Stop blaming you mother you twat! Be a man and get on with it, turn a new page and get a hobby.

        4. I am not blaming her, dipshit. I am just stating what I consider to be facts. From what I read, it is quite a typical problem.
          When I say it is mother, business, I do not mean to say that it is on mother to fix it. I am saying that the business WITH mother needs to be made conscious solved within oneself.

        5. Its a bitch and it sneaks up on you. I just had it happen to me and I didn’t see it coming. It grabbed me by the nuts and punched me in the gut.
          But that’s cool though. I took that pain into the gym with me today and asked out the hottest girl in there. She was about 11/10, Latina. She said no but now I feel a whole lot better.

        6. From your comments I get the impression that mother issues eat too much of your time.
          Also,no need to get aggressive.

        7. Well, they used to. Now I consider myself something of an educated fool about that stuff, so I naturally try to share my insights. My daddy issues are more of a tough nut these days.
          What do you mean with ‘no need to get aggressive’? I feel aggression, so I express it. Quite simple, really.

        8. The other day I went out with a couple of my buddies to a Hooters restaurant for the very first time–never been. The waitresses their are all at least 9’s/10. Immediately I started flirting with one of our waitresses and decided to go in for the kill. Realistically, my chances were dire, but screw it! I wanted that rush even though it meant getting turned down. in my case, it desensitizes me to rejection and hardens the skin.

        9. Yeah this is true. Its carthartic!
          And actually, the “pain” of being rejected is nothing compared to having your heart ripped out of your chest and handed back to you in a doggy bag. Next to that, talking to a girl is easy.

        10. Precisely! I’m all too familiar with having your heart rippped out. Changes a man in many ways, it’s a catalyst for change. But it’s up to us determine if the change is going to be positive or negative.

        11. Know what you mean on the rush. This past weekend I went back to my college town and hit up an 80’s night I used to frequent during my undergrad days. There were a couple in shape women probably late 30’s hitting on me. It was a rush and brought the confidence back. The other observation is how women are when you’re out with other women. The following morning I was with 2 female college friends for brunch and this hot chick probably around my age kept looking in my direction as we were eating. I’ve seen this countless times. You’re out by yourself and the same girl won’t really look but when you’re out with another female, they gravitate toward you.

        12. Women want men who are surrounded by other women. However, it is the reverse for men; we do not want women who are surrounded by men. I am surprised at how many women do not know this.
          I believe women just want what other women have. Once they attain it, they get bored and move on. reminds me of children crying for a new toy.

      2. I tend to agree — chasing pussy is stupid. From my observation, now a days, when I’m out guys aren’t approaching women and women are getting desperate. I’ve seen multiple times when women are now chasing guys at places. I’ve long felt women need cock far worse than guys need pussy.

        1. I think it does depend on where you are. I’m from Maine originally, lived out in Seattle for several years, been all over the country. Seattle was terrible for hooking up and is totally different than East. I find back here in New England, women seem to be the ones getting desperate and approaching now.

    2. Exactly, there used to be a loose “rule” to make some move in a 24 hr period to let a girl know you wanted her to consider you as a potential sexual partner (kiss, comment, touch, whatever).
      If one makes a lot of female friends, you have to ask at some point, why? How many “friends” do you need/want? The more self-sufficient you become the less you need a woman for anything much more than intimacy/sex. You can cook, clean, hang with the guys, pursue a hobby/self-improvement, etc.
      From personal experience I can say even if you do get with that long term friend girl, it will most likely end terribly.
      Me: I really want to have sex with you (direct and to the point).
      Her: What? (Taken aback like despite playful flirting and heavy groping over the years it was all innocent, likely to her it had been).
      Her to her friends (later): He said he wants to sleep with me.
      Her friends: Ch’yeah, it’s pretty obvious he’s been into you forever.
      Story short, the sex was awful (not a huge problem as practice can fix that), she was too self-conscious, worried about how it might change the way I saw her, worried she wasn’t any good, worried that we weren’t really ever friends, worry-worry-worry. Horrible. Now she has several orbiters and picks up random guys to fuck, does some pretty heavy drugs, and looks like a decomposing banana peel.

      1. Am I sick that I found her failed life funny? Its not that I wish that on anyone, it’s just the way you told the tale.

        1. No, I think your reaction is pretty normal. I was told I should feel sorry for her, but I don’t see why. I would like for her to have made better choices, she didn’t, and I can’t change that and I don’t own it either.
          I gave her chances, she made her own life and it’s up to her to live it. So, I’m not going to waste my time trying to pull someone up from their self-imposed destruction, especially if they’re remorseless and unwilling to make any effort to correct course. Not to mention, at this point it’s over 14 years ago and irrelevant.

        2. Ha, I did as well. I used to feel sympathy for these women making poor choices, but you know what? They don’t have to act that way. I feel nothing for an old washed up slut, because it was completely her choice. Just because western society gives you the opportunity to be a career girl, a single empowered woman, a slut on birth control with a season pass to the cock carousel, doesn’t mean you have to take it.

        3. I gave up helping those who will not help themselves a long time ago. My pity isn’t wanted anyway, so why waste it

        4. I could tell tales of girl who had it all. But bought into all the crap society tells our women these days. Now have nothing but cats to fill an unhappy life. But we have all heard such stories. I wish they were rare

        5. And yet I feel most alive when I am with a feminine woman in a poor country with nothing other than a few pairs of high heels, dresses and skirts, long hair and a smile. Women are born with everything they need to be happy. And yet they want to ruin it and become men.

        6. Reminds me of a coworker I have that flirts with every single guy at work all because she desperately wants to get knocked up. Now she is probably sleeping with the manager who seems to be indulging her slutty behavior because he can be a bit of a White Knight. Let me see, she used to be married for two years at age 30 then broke up. That, and she’s covered in tattoos and in the Navy (she works part time where I work at because the Navy does not pay her shit). Those Navy girls are known to be slutty an example of a used up slut who probably rode cock carousel in her younger years.

        7. I have a friend who said if I never remember anything else he says, NEVER, and I mean NEVER have anything to do with a woman from the Navy. Apparently they see more action in a month that most prostitutes do in a year.

        8. Yep, starting to think that’s true especially when on board a ship full of men. They sleep around a lot.

        9. As I always tell these girls… You have every right to be promiscuous and sleep with as many men as you want.
          Just as I have every right to find you disgusting and not worth a single second of my time, resources or love for that matter.

        10. ESPECIALLY not your love.
          Do you actually tell them that to their faces? How does that go down?

        11. It’s a mix response depending on who is around when I say it.
          I’ve had just absolute nuclear meltdowns from girls who froth at the mouth and try to tell me how awful I am.
          Then I get the deer in headlights look… almost looks like a light goes off in there head and they think “Holy shit, maybe I shouldn’t have wasted my twenties letting guys use my body like it was their tube sock when they were 12”.
          Both reactions are equally rewarding, but the sad part is that no matter how stoic you are in not reenforcing a girls terrible behavior there are about 10 other suckers waiting in the bullpen to play captain save a ho. *Sigh*

        12. I’m never ‘disgusted’. But on the other hand, I think about what I want for myself, and what she can give back. If I’m nothing special to her, that’s bad. If I can’t invest myself because it will have no meaning, that’s bad. If sex is not a joy, but rather something that just expected, that’s bad. If there are many other men out that with the right to call her theirs, that’s bad.
          Women like her will be replaced by robots soon. Just like a ho, but you can claim ownership on a robot. (any other meanings from this last paragraph are intentional).

      2. Hmm just tell her to stop whining. I’ve been in that situation. “Are you done? Good, now get back in the bedroom, I don’t have time for your personality disorder. And wear that little red thing I like, there you go.”

    3. “This was a good one, it is best to remember that attraction happens fast with women and they tend to never change their minds in your favor later. Stop dreaming about poon you will never have and keep moving.”
      This is absolutely great advice to tell younger guys.

  3. It is fun, though, in case you want to destroy your position in your social circle. At work, I tried it with 2 girls and made some remarks to a third. Boss eventually told me it was not acceptable, blah blah, but he needed me too much, anyway. Once even called a sexy business partner of the boss and asked her if she would like an affair.
    But yeah, it is hard to be bold with all the possible consequences in mind.
    In another social circle of a former friend, I wrote dirty and partly nasty stuff to a handful of girls. Did not make the best impression on anyone and the friend eventually told me to fuck off and that he doubts I have anyone standing behind me. He was right. But hell, it was worth the experience.

    1. Workplace is high risk. Even in big company where you work in different building. Don’t do it unless you plan on quitting soon.

        1. But going after chicks at work is scarcity mentality…it’s risking your livelihood for pussy.

      1. A good friend of mine has dated three girls from his office, although he was in charge of supervising and training them, and that probably influenced the situation. I can see how it is going to be high risk in the workplace, if it doesn’t just happen naturally, and you are orbiting like a planet or stalking quietly like a cat in the undergrowth..

    2. Screwing up is a learning thing, if you let it be. Push forward too hard and get slapped down. Now you know where to far is so don’t do that again. Some never find that out.

    3. Men in our society receive a tremendous amount of shaming for showing any sexuality to a woman. Women and fags can use it with impunity.

      1. “Men in our society receive a tremendous amount of shaming for showing
        any sexuality to a woman. Women and fags can use it with impunity.”
        I agree with you that fags should be shamed. About the rest, I’m not so sure.
        – Actually betas are shamed not alphas. So, learn to be alpha
        – Women are not shamed because most men are ok with women hitting on them

        1. Being alpha won’t stop betas and omegas from ganging up on you if they perceive you to be a threat to their sexless workplace.

        2. Fuck them in the neck with a pen. And if you’re pulling chicks from where you eat – you are a beta.

        3. Ah yes, the relationships out of convenience, coworkers and classmates. Worst choice ever.

        4. Especially if you later find out they sleep with the manager or professor. That would end real bad.

      2. Then again, how many women really are that shameless? Some time ago, I was quite bold and, while in the office, asked the female colleagues how they would rate me for a one night stand. Both of them were a little shocked, but gave me an answer. One was a bit more shocked than the other, but both said that they would never dare to ask such a question. Fragile!

        1. I don’t know. Point was if you were aware of the metrosexulal/lumbersexual current. That’s all. If you were, fine. If you weren’t then people might take you as someone you didn’t quite want to be associated with (or maybe you did want, no idea). Either way, I couldn’t care less.

        2. The only thing that’s at question here is if you were aware of that trend. I have no opinion, as I don’t like men.

        3. google three prong fence
          barnet is cockney rhyming slang and it’s short for barnet fair which is used as slang for hair (barnet fair=hair)

        4. Yeah, I did Google it. I figure you wanted to say that the strands of my hair are quite rough. On the other hand, I think it looks quite pimpy, so I do not get it.

        5. Having a bit of banter at your expense, really. It’s up to you to decide what to do.

        6. Yeah. I am still fresh into that game, so have some mercy. Wonder if there is any good book with example banters. So many literature on how to seduce women and so little on how to talk like a man.

        7. Game is to be told not to be sold I’m afraid. There is no way someone or something can teach you banter unless you experience it in flesh. You can certainly learn the basics but you have to watch and experience a person with banter and how they apply it.
          There are a whole load of things involved in banter such as: facial expression, having the right banter for the right occasion, for the right people, tone of voice, yours and the group’s familiarity with each other (when you are all strangers in a hostel then you might crack a mild joke to probe the waters, sort to speak) and ultimately, your appearance determines how good your banter is. A good looking bloke’s banter is better received by people and especially the women, whereas a fat dude would have to play clown a little bit more and even then he is not sure his banter will make people comfortable with his presence.

        1. I doubt it. My mother was a Borderliner, not a psychopath. Would you want your doctor to first enthusiastically greet you and start working on you, then break out crying because she thinks you want her to die?

        2. Lord Almighty, your mother used shaming tactics to guilt trip the hell out of you. She did not feel safe and wanted and her mind was probably like a shit storm of self doubt and paranoia and pessimism.
          I hate to break it to you but you’re your mother’s anchor and you need to be the bigger man and take care of her.
          Step 1: be nice and caring but do not fall for her shaming tricks, instead, ignore it and do what you like and tell her to have some respect for you.

        3. I told the bitch to fuck off and get out of my life forever. Surprisingly, she finally agreed.
          And unless you can tell me what is in it for me, you better think twice before suggesting what I ‘should’ do. My mother was a great source of pain for my soul and mind. I would rather be homeless, die or kill an innocent person than live with her again.

        4. “Love your mother because you never get another” said one 90s rap group and they might be right. See her from time to time as she is the closest flesh and blood you have.
          A phone call with your mother every month or so might help bridge the gap as well as maintaining your distance.
          Tell her that you understand why she did what she did and that it affected you but if she tries to guilt trip you then tell her to act like an adult. Give her assurances that you will improve as a man and be her little boy for ever , blah, blah , blah, and all that shit but you don’t have to do it. Peace of mind might make your mother feel better and safe about herself.
          Question is, do you have the balls to lie to you mother in order to make her feel better, and don’t take this the wrong way Tommo but you seem to be weak when talking to your mother and I bet the same ol’ anger comes out. Guess what?!?! that is confirmation to your mother that you still care about her and she will not stop using that to shit test her son’s manliness.
          Edit: confirmation instead of conformation.

        5. What the fuck, man? ‘Balls to lie’? Where did you pick up that kind of bullshit?
          I seem to be weak when talking to my mother? When did you see my talk to my mother?
          I guess you are right about the anger, though. Interesting perspective. Luckily, it does not matter anymore, because I have no longer any contact to my mother.

        6. No hard feelings, but do you not see the contradiction in ‘having balls to lie’? For what gain? Having balls to sacrifice myself without any upside to it? That sounds a lot like pathological altruism. Maybe you have some point on why I should want to be in touch with my mother, but I do not see it. And I especially do not see any valid reason for lying to anybody. Those balls are like the balls to jump off a skyscraper. What is the fucking point?

        7. I’m hearing you brother. I’ve seen the worst of women in my childhood and they are off any pedestal they ever might have been on for life.. Still once one snuffs these troubled souls out of ones life it makes space for normal women, you gotta get rid of these people it’s you or them

        8. Thanks. It is as you said. I may be a ‘weakling’ for not being able to deal with it, but if my own weakness is not a valid indicator, I may just as well end up being around those who actually can not be dealt with. In a real sense, growing up in a relationship that is impossible to be made work, you end up living in a fantasy world where you desire only that which is absolutely unachievable.

  4. Use girls in your social circle to bring you outside girls for your taking. I still remember one really good birthday when my good female friend served me up a hottie I was wanting. She took great pride in setting it up too. Women make great pimps.

    1. Gundog so true. I had/still have many “girls that were/are friends” and I use them to fuck all of their friends.

    2. Absolutely, this dovetails into the pre-selection theory of Game. If the girls in your social circle are attractive they will help bring in other attractive girls for you. These outside females want to be around a man who is confident around a good looking woman who enjoys his company.
      I used this to my advantage for a several years. My friend’s sister was an 8 or 9, she was the perfect pimp for us. We would go out to the bars on a Friday night, and by Sunday the girls she knew were asking about us.

    3. Well duh. I’d say the only reason to maintain a friendship with a girl you wouldn’t consider fucking (because of circumstances, she’s dating a friend of yours..) is to give references for you to other girls. Pre selection, it’s a thing. If another girl approves odds of closing go up around 40% or so I would guesstimate.

      1. I dont really believe in women about reference thing. They may set a date for you, but they are not genuine at this. Its against their nature.

        1. It is if they’re already getting the d elsewhere. Otherwise I agree there could be ulterior motives.

      2. Pre-selection is when women see other women wanting to fuck you, not seeing you as the gay best friend.

    4. Bingo! I am good friends with a female colleague and through her I was able to pick up on a couple of girls.

  5. Best part with cold approaches is if stuff fizzles out the odds are that you won’t need to see or deal with that girl ever again.

  6. When you date within the tribe and it likely ends, a woman will just look at you like a trophy that she can rely on. Happened to me as a lad in school. Had some smokin’ girl for the school year and it ended in the summer. Being a young boy I took it personal and she later tried to use it against me but I was able to keep my head.
    Years later, she’s married to a “retired” C.O. who is on disability because he took a beating from a prisoner. They were so broke they resorted to begging for handouts on the internet. She tried to contact me and I could tell she was looking for a replacement provider. Got some play and cut her off when she tried to hit me up for money. So that impression she got many moons ago still stayed with her.
    Girls out of my circle never have had that impression from me that I thirsty. But if it wasn’t for that first mistake I’d never would have learned my lesson.

  7. These articles are always interesting to me as I have no social circle. There are a few bartenders and restaurant owners I speak to and who like me because I spend and tip well, the head nod brigade at the gym…people I see there every day yet don’t know names and just do the polite head nod….and my family which is spread around the country, none of it in the city with me.
    Of course, different strokes for different strokes, but I am just not a social circle kind of person. I am a social person, but I would rather go out and chat with strangers about banalities. The idea of having a friend and confidant, let a lone a group of them, is confusing to me.
    This said, I have never had the whole circle of friends with buddies and girls where there is the question of to bone or not to bone.

      1. “dark” is such a negative term. I like to think of it as the Triad of Awesomeness.

        1. Also, as I mentioned, I am not anti social. Quite the opposite. I very much enjoy social interaction and am comfortable and at ease in social situations.

      1. It would be. I am a cold approach machine. I pretty much engage every woman 7 or better that I come into contact with in conversation…whether it is in an elevator, a waitress or whatever. I just don’t want anyone to ever tell me any of their problems, count on me or to invite me anywhere ever.

        1. that’s good. i am good looking, fit and can act anything i think i need to be according to type of girl i want to attract; such as masculen, charming romantic , bad boy and so on. but it does not match experience you get from solid approachings ofc.
          by saying ” i have no social circle aswell ” i was pretty much meant i have NO social circle. i just graduated from high school a year ago, i call these times as wasted one cuz i never dated any girl at these times. Before high school, i was certainly casanova. Whatever, shit happens. What i mean is i have no friends that call me to cafee that chat up and talk about shitty manly issues. I feel like i am trapped in the house like a beta bitch, sad thing is i have huge potential when it comes to game.
          If we back to approach thing, there is a thing stops me in last second of my attempt. I think its about my insufficent inner game. I think there is a problem in my unconscious mind; maybe fear of conflict, but not rejection. I would like to get advices from you about that last second resistance about approach.

        2. I understand what you mean and will tell you what I wish someone would have convinced me of many years ago when I was fresh out of High School. Simply, and not to put too fine a point on it, don’t give a single thought to improving your social life. Spend every single bit of energy on simply improving yourself. What did you do today to get closer to your long term goals? Are you stronger? Smarter? In a position to make more money? In my opinion, this is the time to start building and focusing on only yourself. Some poon will inevitably come and go and you may meet people you think are friendly along the way, but they shouldn’t even be a tertiary thought. Setting and achieving long term sustainable goals which will make you into a high value adult will beat any of the enjoyable times you can have with friends hands down.

        3. oh. i dont really care my male friends. i just want them to use as a brigade through beautiful bitches. I am Machiavelian in this issue. I mean, i dont complain about their loyalty, as i say, i dont care their shitty male issues.
          If i can explain my situation as an image, there is a stairway, in order to reach 100th, you gotta step 1st. stair. Problem occurs here, i haven’t stepped 1st stair yet(social circle), i am working on some old facebook contacts, i hope i could hook one of these idiots just to introduce me to their slutty ”friends”, yeah, they are all friendzoned, as you know.

        4. Not a bad plan. I still side with the very simple BE Excellent. People like to be around people who are excellent. If you make you excellent then dumb cunts will come to leech off you. Use and discard them at will.

        5. I dont understand what you say. I dont see any possibilty to meet girls without social circle. Well, approach is not included.

    1. How can you have no social circle? Are you a hitman? Is your only friend a potted plant(pts to whoever gets that movie reference).

      1. Great movie! Natalie Portman at her hottest 🙂
        If you are asking seriously, I just don’t. I have a few friends that I speak to maybe once a year. I have people I see at the gym and nod to and people in restaurants and bars that I frequent that like me as long as I keep tipping well.
        Other than that I have my family which is spread out around the country and, of course, my plant and pig oven mitt.

        1. yeap. that’s me, and I actually like it this way. i never actually had the need to be surrounded by people. to the contrary.

    2. I never had much of that, either, but now that I am starting be more honest with myself and others, I sometimes encounter people with similar ideas and backgrounds. Those make for very good conversations and maybe even friends. The reason why I never had much of friends was dishonesty and a fake persona on my side and otherwise a lack of common background, which made most people boring to me and me weird to them.

  8. Don’t forget white knights. Unless you do something real rapey or approach 100 girls a day you won’t get in any serious trouble or confronted by white knights when approaching.
    On the other hand, if you act as more than a friend with the wrong girl you met through friends then you will have white knights all over you because you “made them look bad.”
    As for meeting spouses a lot of couples met through cold approach but call it “I met him at Starbucks.”

  9. When I first came across red pill info, I knew it was true because it just resonates with your subconscious and your past experiences. Same is true here. I always feel some hesitation or aversion to going after girls in my social circle, and that is because deep down, your subconscious mind knows there are reasons not to, as Troy enumerated here.
    Conversely, when I am travelling or out of town, where EVERY girl I meet is new and unknown, I am FAR more outgoing and amped up.
    If I look back on all my failed relationships, I can find hesitation or signs my subconscious was bringing up red flags as early as date #2. Part of good game is bringing this natural instinctive reasoning to your conscious mind.

    1. Interesting how this stuff plays out, eh. A lot of madness is simply the suppression of your instincts and gut feelings. 10 years in school and your soul kinda gives up and resigns. Takes some time to awaken it once more.

    2. Exactly, this article was dead on. It just hit the nail because it confirmed what I was thinking about. Cold approaches with strange women seem to be the best approach added with willing to take risks, of course. You can’t guarantee that you will get her either way though.

    3. It really depends on what you mean by “social circle.” If you and the guys are regularly hanging out with a consistent group of girls without creeping on them, get a life. If you mean friend-of-friends, just do it without worrying about repercussions. Your male friends will respect it, and your female friends, who cares.

    4. Exactly. Its about exploring the unknown and encouaging variety. Its absolutely fundamental to being a seed-maker.
      The girls in your social circle are like family or community. You look after each other and make sure you all survive, even help raise children of others. Thats why guys who dont understand this complain about the friend zone… hunting in the wrong place, shitting where they eat…

  10. So Mr Francis used a shot from Friends. Stupidest show ever. Not only not funny, but it reflects the flaws that Mr Francis pointed out. Jennifer Aniston in that Rolling Stone magazine cover was smoking hot though.

    1. I really don’t get the hype with a lot of shows. Most are not that funny or entertaining; Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Big Bang Theory, etc…I’ve watched a few of each and while initially good for a few chuckles, the interest wanes pretty quickly.

      1. I still enjoy Big Bang Theory reruns, but the newer episodes do drag a lot. My theory is, once you throw, love, romance, and sex liberally around the plots, for some reason I can’t explain, the shows become less funny. Ditto Friends and How I Met Your Mother. Or maybe it is a symptom that we’re older and wiser. Compare that to Everybody Loves Raymond and Seinfeld, shows I didn’t get as a teen, but I now appreciate now that I’m older.

        1. Golden era of the sitcom was the 1970s- check out the channel antennae or cozi- all the gems

        2. Check out Frasier. Most of the show is fantastically written. Absolutely cringe worthy beta display by the brothers with an alpha father (for the most part)

    2. I never liked J. Aniston. Her jaw reminds me of an alien. Like out of this planet alien. Fuckable? Of course, but not my type. I’m a face and an ass man.

  11. I have not ever in my 42 years ever understood the purpose of hooking up with random women. Always seemed like a colossal inefficiency in terms of time, effort, and productivity if there is no other goal than mutual masturbation. Promiscuous ones, and even regularly experienced ones are like public toilets, why stick mini-you where 1000 or even 10 other sausages have creamed. Though “game” is ok and useful in other parts of life, it’s far more useful to build confidence, principles, and competence in yer trade. Just let the beast glower right under the surface, the girl will follow.

    1. I agree. It seems Roosh is coming to this point of view as well, after considerable time and effort spent chasing them to no real end.

    2. I will agree with you when I find an 18 year old mute who doesn’t age….until then I don’t see the reason not to use a public toilet. If it is clean and sparkly and smells nice use the facilities elsewhere and leave your home shit free.

    3. That’s pretty much my default attitude about girls. I’ve rejected most girls that have approached me (about 80% of the time the girl makes a move on me, girls are a lot more sexually aggressive than guys, you have to be doing something weird for them to ignore and avoid you). You have to be extremely cautious about who you share your bed with, there is no such thing as casual sex, every partner changes you. Besides, you have only one life to live, looking back at your youth and the only memories you have is trying to ‘game’ Miss Community Property is something no man with half a brain should want to experience.

        1. It depends. A one night stand will change you a little bit but maybe only temporarily. A full on relationship will change you a lot and permanently. This just happened to me actually.

        2. Well that depends on the change doesn’t it Tom? Its your choice.
          More to the point, relationships change you on a physical level. We know this because of the physical sickness, with manifest symptoms that we experience when we break-up with someone we love. It effects us on a physiological level. As such, “change” as a result of a relationship is unavoidable. It is up to you to manage that change and point it in a direction that is positive.

      1. These are pretty big words for a guy from Russia. You have to be 10 in order to approached -and pursued by russian chicks. Cuz Russian girls has ego issues.

        1. No, I’m just so awesome they rarely give me the opportunity to make the first move 🙂

    4. Serious? Banging strange, fresh and beautiful women is the ultimate sexual experience. Once you bang a girl, it goes downhill from there. After a rather short period sex becomes boring and stale.
      If you want a LTR and children, that is logical and acceptable, but it is not a haven for great sexual experiences.

        1. On the great universal continuum that is GAME, players come and go like pinpricks of light in the dark, some brighter, some less so, and some blaze like a shooting star. All eventually burn out and fade, but GAME continues on – forever.

      1. My friend, I think it is the ultimate experience. I also think it is a necessary precursor to having a successful LTR.

        1. There once was a famous Frenchman who was quite old and was marrying a young thing. When interviewed they asked why he would marry her. His response was, ” the challenge. Pleasing a 1,000 women for one night each is quite easy. Pleasing one woman for a 1,000 nights is much harder.”

    5. Game will build confidence, principles and competence in your relationships. Nobody says you only game random women. To get a woman you really want, you will need game.
      Btw, I’m still mad at you for cutting off Luke’s hand.

      1. That which is referred to as “game” I call normal interaction with a woman a man is attracted to. If he is not naive or stupid and makes the intent clear things will happen. Game is monopoly or what I drive a crossbow bolt into when I am not practicing. If a man wants to make picking up random women a hobby that is his decision, my point being there are a lot better ways to go on that than using public toilets for fun. Like fishing, hunting, fencing, learning to fly a plane, etc. “Game” I think only exists as an end unto itself because of mental conditions stemming from shitty congested artificial urban environments where people have lost sight of real life.
        Ps that whiny little whelp is lucky I didn’t cut off his balls.

      2. I believe Roosh said in his talk in D.C. that men will need to hone their Game and as a result, sleep with women we don’t necessarily like so that we have the skillset and experience to seduce the ones we want.
        A necessary “evil” I guess.

    6. Promiscuity/monogamy is likely a genetic trait along with all the rest of them. So it’s not really about ‘purpose’ more about innate drives. Was it Mystery who said ‘Attraction is not a choice’ ? The tendency to seek to be with one or several is also somewhat predetermined. If sticking your dick in a watermelon were enough, you wouldn’t bother with women. Similarly, for some, one woman is enough, while others have more need for variety. This innate tendency towards innate levels of promiscuity applies to women too. There’s a lot of literature about the mating habits of other animals and it varies between the species as well as within it. Humans are not the most monogamous among the primates…

      1. Sex is nature’s way of ensuring the survival of a species. I see mutual masturbation (that is, the act people refer to as “sex,” which is in fact a mere simulation of “sex” if that definition include the possibility of spawning or at least the transmission of gametes) as pointless. You’re basically fooling your body into thinking you are mating. It results in a wasted dissipation of energy that could be spent in better ways, esp. in the case of individuals like a few I’ve known whose whole lives revolve around this particular sort of dry firing. I myself in my stupider days chased a lot of tail (not random, mostly girls I knew), until realizing the pointlessness of it all. Found one I can live with and poured that energy into other pursuits.
        One could make the argument that even dry intercourse has a social bonding function as in Bonobos chimpanzees, but for many even that is lost with the random hookup, since you will likely never see the girl again anyway.
        I have a hard time with the idea that any human social behaviors other than grasping and suckling are truly predetermined. While one struggles to control desire at times, human will or culture can in most cases override these urges, hence we have monks, monogamy, polygyny, etc. Whatever genetic basis there is, is most often overwritten by cultural norms like religion and other shared standards of behavoir. If it was all hardwired and we couldn’t override it women would always act like the ideal; there would be no bad mothers; and we’d all be hump, hump, humping ourselves to death. The world would have long run out of oil because we used up all the Vaseline. Or maybe in such a world we’d always go in dry, who knows.

    7. Yeah, I’m not a fan of random hookups. Some require effort, some don’t, but a lot of them are awkward as fuck. A lot of times the sex is just OK, because you haven’t had the time to understand each others bodies and turn-ons.
      It’s a necessary evil if you want to get your dick wet.

  12. There’s plenty more reasons to go for chicks outside your social scene. You’re opening yourself up to attack. They love to shame guys who fail to get into their pants. I’ve made this mistake before. Failing with a girl in your social circle is way worse than getting blown out by a random at a bar. Don’t think they’ll spare you the shame, either. They live for that shit.
    Familiarity is also the enemy of good game. With girls in your social circle, (or work) they know more about you than the randos and are thus less likely to buy what your selling when you decide to turn on the charm. If you haven’t been gaming them since the first moment they will notice the incongruence.
    The exceptions are when you’ve set things up so that you are the unquestionable #1 alpha in your social scene. (ie, singer of a band, lead guitarist, rapper, ect) and people are coming out to SEE YOU specifically. Then you can easily pick up on the hangers on types of chicks (aka groupies)

    1. “Failing with a girl in your social circle is way worse than getting blown out by a random at a bar. Don’t think they’ll spare you the shame, either. They live for that shit.”
      Exactly. It boosts their fragile egos to know that they sent Desparate Danny on his way.

      1. Yes indeed. The random bar chicks enjoy this too, but in this case there is little to no blowback that can actually have an affect on you.

    2. How about don’t lie about yourself and don’t wear a mask? Congruence is such a rare thing nowadays.

  13. The exception to this rule is as follows: The girl in your social circle is 39, single, and has baby rabies.
    Then, you can blow a load in her whenever you’d like.

  14. Meh.
    In my experience dating within the social circle means you end up messing with women your friends messed it, or women your friends know who they already messed with.
    Might as well be sharing used rubbers too.
    Better to crash and burn with strangers.

    1. So, you would rather exchange rubbers with strangers than with your friends?
      Quite a philosophical question… to choose between two disgusting things.

        1. While you’re basking in the warmth, just imagine you’re the first and enjoy it while the moment lasts. It’ll be over shortly before reality hits.

        2. Haha. Sure, but does that work in the long run? I always hear that players have so many demons. Met some rich guys who organize fuck parties regularly. They said they could not even go to sleep without a girl. For real.
          Maybe all those things that you suppress come bubbling up eventually or just bugging you subconsciously. Maybe it is no coincidence that Roosh seems to have all those existential questions. But it would take an experienced guy to say anything about that.

  15. Even if you do manage to hookup with a girl in your social circle, there’s still another problem: Your mutual friends/acquaintances will expect you to commit to a relationship.
    That’s all well and good if you’re looking to settle down and the girl actually is relationship material. But if you’re still sowing your oats and/or the girl is only good for fwb, then you’re in an awkward situation.

    1. Quite right. You need to keep things private, and manage expectations early on. It can be surprising which girls are totally fine with an FWB arrangement with someone within their social circle, so long as you don’t broadcast it.

  16. I’ll mostly agree. Being friends first, even if it leads to an attachment, is a buzz kill. I’ve gotten sideways glances from girls I’ve been with, but I make it clear they are lovers first.
    I was going to use my current GF as an example of successful fishing in the social circles, but then remembered she was attracted to me first, despite (because) having been aound me when I was in the company of other women.

  17. Trying to game your social circle stems from a scarcity mentality. It’s the known so it’s safe. Meeting new women is an exciting thing, and since you are unknown to them, you are able to present yourself however you wish. Embrace abundance, as beautiful single women are all around (city dependent).

  18. With close housemates or workmates, keep the come ons lighthearted and rolling regularly. For example, make it a regular practice as you pass your eventual targets in hallways to wink and point ‘pistol finger’ as you say ”busy tonight?” then ruffle your armload of papers on your way to the shredder and say ”I’m chewing on this dogpile tonight”. Keep the light comments regular and she’ll be used to you doing that. She may not openly respond thirstily as she doesn’t take it serious and you make small talk as well with other hotties light heartedly as well. Establish the easy going personna,
    THEN work on her tingles. She’ll be used to you passing and winking, high fiving or knuckle to knuckle ‘way to go’ gestures so some kino is established. THEN get the pheromones into her nostrils every chance possible. SCRATCH that unwashed armpit and arch it openly as you hand papers by her nose. Short of smudging your index finger inadvertantly under her nose bridge at least have some potent BALL SCRATCH odor under your nails when you borrow her pen and hand it back to her all smeared and wafting with your love funk. Not dripping of course, but just enough to alert her olfactories that the BABBOON is IN THE ROOM. Let the pheromones go to work and she’ll be bumping into you in the halls a bit more or brushing up against you in the elevator desparate for another dose of that animal sniff bait. No amount of talk and no expensive cologne even can stir the libido like the smell of a sweaty unwashed animal in heat.

    1. There’s nothing more unappealing than an unwashed man who physically reeks of sweat and whatever it is that unwashed balls reek of. Seriously. These theories might work on the Discovery Channel. I can assure you that women love a classy, well-spoken, freshly shaved, tidy, polite and articulated man whose fragrance is a good cologne. Not the baboon in the room.
      That might work for American women though.

      1. You can be unwashed and smelling good. I don’t sweat too much when I lift, and i can toss on some cologne and deodorant and still keep my pheromones going.

        1. That is your opinion. I was talking about what women really think. And by the way, putting on cologne/deodorant without showering first, particularly after a workout, is called a Moldovan shower ^.^

      2. Fresh sweat is just about the most attractive thing a person can have. So long as it’s on top of a clean body.

  19. Nice to see a post that didnt mention “the loonie left” for a change.
    that last chick in the pic, is so fucking hot i would kill everyone of you to smash her in the pants.

  20. Its a very different thing focusing on one woman, and trying to figure out how to get with her rather than hitting on attractive women, and seeing who responds to your charms.

    1. And what great fun it is watching all the stirring and gossip, and then someone new joins the group and they all switch round and have jealousy wars.
      Truth be told, almost every mixed group I knew at uni was formed when a guy likes a girl and they ‘all hang out as friends’ while they work on their courage.
      Every time there is an obvious couple that havent done it yet, while the guy’s beta mates try to pull the girl’s ugly mates. In this scenario there is only one possible genuine hookup, the rest are mistakes waiting to happen.

  21. I’ve always thought about it this way, but was never fully confident that it was the right way of thinking. I’m glad this article has backed up what was originally for me an idea rather than a probable concept.

  22. This article discourages me from approaching this girl I’m attracted to in my class. I’m in the lost now. Any advice?

    1. To me, it is easier to approach girls not in your social circle. It can be hard at first but if you keep doing it, it will get easier. Just be willing to take and accept risks and consequences if ever you decide to do any option.

    2. My advice would be to avoid making a pass at the girl in your class. If it works our great, but if not the consequences can be devastating, especially if you’re publically humiliated. I dropped out of a class in university because of this situation. Of course I could have soldiered on but the hurt and embarrasment was too much for me. Luckily it was early in the year and I was able to transfer to another class without any loss of academic credit.

    3. If you like her then go for it — ask her out for a drink or a coffee. I’m not saying that dating in your social circle never works, I’m just saying that – unless she’s already attracted to you or you’re bossing it as the alpha in her vicinity – the odds are stacked against you. But hey, give it a go – what have you really got to lose?

  23. I’ve gotten with a lot of girls in my social circle. If you’re not a puss it’s easy.

  24. I will say this: Unless they are your sister or your mother, or you are already shagging them, you shouldn’t have any girls in your social circle.
    You are roommates with a chick, [email protected] are you out yo damn mind!!!? (I can say it cos I is black).

    1. Some are cool and can consistently feed you pussy, but every time I see men and women consistently intermingle platonically, I always wonder what the fuck the men are doing. Why give them free attention?

      1. I know right? There’s a hot a chick in my gym. Guys follow her around like she’s the Pied Piper. All she gets from me is the occasional wink and a flirty comment. But when she’s ready to get down… otherwise I have no time for her.
        I’m like Mike Tyson with this shit. I only speak to women I fornicate with.

  25. This doesn’t fully gel with my experience. I do pretty well in my social circle but rarely succeed in cold approach. Of course, this is a big weakness in my game, because there are various advantages to cold approach:
    – much less risk of social repercussions if girl doesn’t like you or feels hurt by you
    – more choice
    – more of a challenge, if you can do cold approach you can probably *also* do social circle, but not vice versa
    However, speaking as someone with moderate game and decent looks, social circle game gets me much better results. I believe the main reasons are:
    – If I meet her on multiple occaions, I have a longer period over which to demonstrate value, more opportunities to isolate and escalate, and more opportunities for good logistics to present themselves
    – lots of value demonstrated by the fact that her friends, male and female, also like me
    And apart from it being easier, at least for me, there are positive reasons to pursue social circle game in addition to cold approach:
    – you don’t want to have to rule out going after a girl you like just because she happens to know your friends
    – personally I like the feeling of having slept with multiple girls in my social circle. Partly it’s just an ego thing, but it’s also about building a stronger connection with them and getting to know them more fully. It also helps me to cultivate a very open and accepting attitude towards female sexuality, which improves my game (maybe success with cold approach would do the same).
    – you get a reputation as a player, improving your pre-selection value
    Some tips to keep in mind:
    – as with cold approach, make your move as soon as possible. This keeps the whole dynamic pretty similar to cold approach and avoids you being a friend-zoned pussy.
    – Good mindsets to have: there is no real difference between cold approach and social circle, women are women. Whether the person you’re interacting with is in your social circle or not, you are always giving value and are unafraid to show your sexual side.
    – getting rejected is not a big deal, not even in your social circle. If you’ve made your move early and are not invested in the outcome, you shouldn’t feel any awkwardness over it, which means she shouldn’t feel any awkwardness over it either.

  26. You’ll know when social circle game is the best game for you. This happens when you start to notice most of the girls in your social circle flirting with you all the time. This means they want to you know what and it also means you are one of the most “alpha” guys in your circle. If that’s the case, it’ll work great without even trying. If not, expect awkward.

  27. I hooked up with a girl in one of my social circles and predictably, everyone knew within a few days. She was cool but a zombie in bed. Didn’t want to date her but everyone in the circle kept trying to pressure me into dating her, saying, “Oh, you guys would be so cute together!” And I’m here thinking, “the fuck do y’all know about what I want in a girl. I’ll date who I want.” More trouble than it’s worth, to be honest.
    Eventually, they forgot and the chick waited for me for over a year before finding another dude. She surprises him on his birthday with cruise tickets. Shit, I could have gotten a free cruise out of the whole deal.
    Moral of the story: Just date the bitch; you might get a free cruise out of it.

  28. Such a strategy (approaching strange girls) is easier for a guy who lives in a bigger town, or who travels a lot across different locations. If you’re an Ordinary Joe, living in a small town where nothing change, and where you always meet the same people, game is very different.

  29. I find the there’s plenty of action available in my work environment, although it maybe to do with being talented at what I do and therefore appear alpha. I’ve had the opposite problem of having to hold my boundaries at work because I’ve been through the consequences of having office flings.
    There’s nothing worse than having to still be around a woman scorned. Recently I had to deflect the attentions of a chick at work and avoid fucking her. But still she became bitchy and generally passive aggressive towards me. Damned if I do damned if I don’t.
    I’m at the point where I pray that every new girl I meet at work sees me as beta. But its a rock and a hard place on so many levels; particularly because I’m not into doing a shit job even if its tempting for the sake of appearing beta.

  30. Girls are approached by lots of men whether they are in your social circle or not. This article is another ridiculous filler piece. Sheesh Ill stick to Rooshs site and the Chateau.

    1. Ironically, your comment makes no sense and is therefore in itself a ridiculous filler piece. Next time read the article before saying something silly.

  31. One hard fast rule I always followed was never to allow myself to be attracted to co workers. Just don’t do it, guys..

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