Girls

7 Places Where You Can Meet The “New” Modern Woman

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Hitting the same old night clubs, bars, coffee shops, and pet stores can get old–you meet the same type of girls, and frankly you get sick of the venue.  Plus you’re getting dangerously close into the same pool of women your bros are already tapping. If you really want to meet some different girls, it’s time to think outside the box. I’ve begun approaching in some atypical places and found great success, and they’re with girls I normally would have never met. Some of these ideas are “thinking outside the box” and may strike you as odd, but stick with me. The photos are proof of the quality of women you can find in these venues.

1. The Mall

mall

Anna Karczmarzyk will do anything for some new jeans

It’s no surprise to the ROK readership that western women are getting trashier by the week. One of the new trends is young girls using their bodies to get shoes, jeans, jewelry, or a new telephone. They redefine the language they use, calling their clients “boyfriends” or “benefactors” in a way to avoid stating that they are actual prostitutes, often turning tricks in the mall restrooms for a quick purchase afterwards. I’m not a fan of spending money on women, but if you’re already going to throw away money on them at a bar, coffee shop, or club, you might as well try this strategy too. You can pick up whatever you need at the mall while you’re there.

2. The PTO Meeting

utah

Utah public schoolteacher Brianne Altice

When I was in public school, all my teachers were old, wrinkled women born prior to WW2. I have definitely noticed the recent trend of hot-bodied twenty-something schoolteachers that seem to have appeared out of nowhere. And many of them are so desperate they turn to having sex with their students. This is clearly a case of low self esteem women with few options, taking advantage of whatever dick is closest to them. Be that dick.

virginia

Austin, Texas math teacher Haeli Wey (Hael Yeah!)

3. The Pharmacy

alysa

Alysa Bathrick, Xanax fan

If you’re over 25, you may not realize it, but pharmaceutical drugs are the new thing. Governments have made it too cumbersome to purchase alcohol and tobacco, and now prescription drugs are the drug of choice for the new generation. When you consider their legal status, and the strong chances that mom has some psychoactive drugs in her medicine cabinet, combined with their ubiquity and lower cost, not to mention that awesome high created by teams of smart men in lab coats, it’s no wonder these drugs are the drug of choice.

Here’s where you come in. Visit your local psychiatrist, get a prescription for a mind altering substance (medical marijuana in some states, or a choice of serotonin reuptake inhibitors in others), and hang out at the local pharmacy. Chances are pretty good you’ll meet a hotty like Alysa Bathrick, who will do just about *anything* for some pills.

4. The Dog Park

dog

Chubby, but passable

I’ve covered in the past good reasons for owning a dog.  Now add one more.  Miranda Johns (above), 21, was arrested in Florida in March 2016 for three counts of sex with her dogs, which she filmed. As longtime readers of ROK know, sex with dogs, sadly, is a formerly taboo activity that more and more women in the West are trying.

But not all women have large dogs. A fair number of them, especially the urban apartment dweller that you’ll be targeting, are subject to size restrictions and typically have small to medium size animals. That’s where you come in. You have a dog. Or at least a friend with a big dog.  Grab it, head to the dog park, and wait around. If a girl asks you if the big dog is yours, that’s a clear signal she’s into bestiality, and you just need to make small talk about the best venues to take your pup for a couple of minutes before going in for the number close.

5. The Trailer Park

meth

Got Crystal Meth? This Lexington, KY girl is interested

Speaking of drugs, ever notice how most crystal meth arrestees tend to be women? Perhaps the Walter Whites of the world are simply too smart to get caught, but it sure seems that the fairer sex gets a whole lot more arrests for crystal meth. Now, crystal meth users are notoriously dumb, and they tend to lose their teeth pretty quickly, so you want to go after the new users only. You know, the girl you saw at the drugstore last month but is now looking for something a little more “exciting”?  That’s your target.

6. The Thrift Store

robe

This one is a double whammy. First, you have a good chance of finding the slutty wannabe-hipster girl from the rich part of town who goes to the thrift store to buy her trendy alternative clothing. But they’re not your real goal. No, the idea here is to find a basic, simple, large white cloth.  It can be a robe, it can be uncut fabric, hell, even a red and white tablecloth can work. Your goal is to take this cloth and wear it as a basic robe. Get on craigslist and announce that you are arriving in two days to pre-scout for your benefactor, a rich Arab Sheik. Yes, you will be pre-trolling the tag-a-sponsor girls.

As long as you have a few fake photos of yourself and a rich arab sheik, and focus talking about how much money she’s going to make in two days, she’ll let you do literally anything you want. You’re welcome.

7. Nursing Homes

wink

OK, hear me out. Yes, we go after younger women. My target is 20-22-year-old thin females. But the younger generation of women can kill your boner with their rough speech, Skrillex haircuts, tats and piercings, whereas American women from past generations were far closer to our ideal mate.

So whether you’re an older ROK reader, or just in the mood for something different, don’t knock this until you try it. The truth is very few men outlive their wives and move in to nursing homes. So you’re left with a ton of horny, single ladies without transportation. The field is wide open.  Just remember to wear a condom, as STIs are out of control! An added bonus? You can quickly scan the family photos for a hot granddaughter. Plus, it’s a great place to practice your elderly openers.

Suck It Up

There we go. I know, probably not the article you were expecting. But men need to realize this is 2016, and if you aren’t in the places above, you’re probably experiencing a dry spell. Unless you plan on going sexless until your next trip abroad, I strongly suggest you visit the above spots soon!

Read More: This Accidental Experiment Shows The Superiority Of Patriarchy

 

114 thoughts on “7 Places Where You Can Meet The “New” Modern Woman”

  1. Hihihihi, loved the nursing home, especially the comment about them having been closer to our idea…. But maybe they still are?

  4. ASSHOLE ROK ARTICLE DETECTED – best to read while drinking beer ! Thank you Mr. Roscoe ! You quench our yaerning for some asshole tips ! Have a nice april, guys !

  5. Don’t forget, make sure all venues are near or accessible to colleges. Or even better a train station with direct access to the city. One thing, train access gives you a chance to bail if say, grade school gets out early and your teacher is at a pharmacy bailing on your threesome and your dog lady is visiting the pound. With a train nearby, you can circle back, pick some trim up at the mall.
    Or better yet, reverse engineer your day. Go to the nursing home early. Take old Auntie who never married over to the thrift store after a good banging. She should be mildly preserved from having no uses for her uterus and likely pass out on you at the thrift store. Get the hipster at the thrift store to help you ditch granny. Once you bang her out, take her to the park and distract her with frilly designs you could make with leaves. While she stares off into space snag a dog walker and take her to the nearest pharmacy. Regale her with your veterinarian expertise, how kibble and bits make a dog more virile. While you buy your drugs, slip the pharmacy girl your card and proceed to bang out dog lady. If you do this right she’ll try a drug or two with you. Take her dog and pass by the school and find a teacher who catches your eye. Tell her how you have a dog because fascism ruined the economy and haven’t found the right woman to spend your time with. By the time you finish banging her out, you should be able to circle the mall while school is out. Do this by an NYU as port a potty love is at a all time high. You might even make a friend/ intel gatherer in the process while producing your blingtastic video with planes, jewelry, and suitcases with money. I know, some of you would continue from here, but with my balls drained and bowels empty, I would just grab my trailer park hussy and get some burgers. Got to save something for tomorrow.

  7. Ok I hate breaking up the laughter but it needs to be said.
    Leviticus 18:22
    You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.
    Leviticus 18:23
    And you shall not lie with any animal and so make yourself unclean with it, neither shall any woman give herself to an animal to lie with it: it is perversion.
    Exodus 22:19
    “Whoever lies with an animal shall be put to death.
    Jude 1:7 ESV
    Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.
    Leviticus 20:13
    If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.
    Romans 1:18-32
    For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, …
    Romans 1:1-32
    Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy Scriptures, concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh and was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, …
    http://www.openbible.info

    1. “War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.”
      – John Stuart Mill

  9. Nursing homes can also have a financial bonus if she decides to leave you something of value in her will.

    1. Good point, now go hit that granny! I’m thinking hair pulling may be 50/50 with the wigs, but a good slap on that prune of an ass should get the juices going 😉

      1. Just don’t get too rough. If she croaks on you then you might have some explaining to do.

  10. I was reading through this and thinking that it HAD to be a joke…then I looked at my computer screen toolbar and saw the date…
    I wouldn’t be surprised at #4 though; have you read ‘The Happy Hooker” by Xaviera Hollander? And feminised First World women have been taught to hate men so much that their misandry has even become the plotlines of books. I remember that one had a woman who was trying to legally marry a dolphin, and got drowned while having sex with it.

    1. The hot teachers I remember from high school were all early versions of the typical bitches we know today.

    2. One of the 8th grade teachers was a stone cold fox. At a catholic all boys school nonetheless. People started this game, where they’d leave stationary lying around near the front of the classroom and when she went to pick it up everyone whipped out their phones and snapped a photo. She ended up having a nervous breakdown and threatening to sue an entire class for sexual harassment. Good times.

    3. You certainly missed out… I had a ~22 yr old biology teacher chick, redhead, skinny, rocker chick style. I will remember to my dying day seeing her change into a dry suit on a day trip to the seaside, she would have needed a trim but the sight of that reddish bush is burned into my brain forever…

  12. Ah, I love the smell of satire on a Friday morning. Sounds like winning!

      1. EDIT: Wait, is this our 4/1 thing? I think I forgot about that, heh.

        14. They don’t have any need for roads there.

        15. Baseball opening day is Sunday, so if he can email me the winners tomorrow, I think I have easy winnings

        17. Yes those pesky time zones and the time travel they enable… I’m constantly having to deal with untangling the temporal paradoxes that they cause… :-/

        1. He prefers Glocks with his whiskey, even though they don’t blend well…

      3. I make my own Irish cream, using scotch. I make it twice as strong as Baileys for half the price of material costs.
        People think it’s just a flavored creamer.
        I might be the last man in the northwest who carries a flask.

    2. I got embarrassingly far into this article before I checked the date. Which made it even funnier when I finally twigged.

    3. Funny thing today I do not think satire really works… I mean that I can believe what this guy writes! We are living in the anecdote of some fools mind! Anecdotes are never funny when considering the people that dwell in them! This is also the reason why during older times the fools had a day to rule, so that people whould not start imitating jokes! We imitate jokes because we believe, as aspecies, in delusional belief systems, like egalitarianism, humanism, feminism, communism and so and so, that have no base in reality. As a result we make the world into a joke but it was pointed out, there is nothing funny in living anything that comes out of comedy. This is the reason why Dox Quixote is a tragedy and not a comedy.

  13. Not sure whether to laugh or try this, as I’m sure one would succeed… Shitlord Friday update. I was in my gym yesterday (recently added 20 min of cardio a day), when an ad came on TV shaming me for not being anti rape culture. The tv was muted, but in big print it said something like:
    “THIS COMMERCIAL IS ABOUT RAPE CULTURE”
    “WHICH MEANS YOURE ALREADY LOOKING AWAY AT YOUR PHONE”
    “AND THEREFORE IGNORING RAPE CULTURE”
    At which point I laughed out loud!
    Hope someone noticed…

  14. I thought just maybe this wasn’t entirely an April fool’s satire article at first, then I saw chubby, but passable on that 3.5 and went – HAHA, very funny you guys.

    1. I’m shocked how often friends of mine will rate a chubbier chick as being in their strike zone when I’m like, not a goddamn chance. But chill dude, this whole thing is an April Fool’s satire.

      1. Piglets are cute too, in their own piggy way…
        That still doesn’t mean I’d want one in my home.
        “Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at ’em, but I don’t need my personal elephant.” — W.C. Fields

    1. Cops are hot, I had a dream once that one was chasing me and when he caught me, he tackled me to the ground and kneeled on top of me with his knee on my butt, grinding my girl-parts into the pavement. Woke up grinding my girl-parts into my pillow in real life. That was a…very good dream, lol.

        5. You’re right of course, except the part about disapproving of my approval.

        8. *Gunfingers*
          That’s cruel, making someone watch that pile of bs!

        11. I felt it needed to be done. She has to learn.

  18. Absolutely unrelated to the topic of the article, which is satire, so hey, who cares?
    A…um….female friend sent me this link. Never heard of this song before, holy fuck is it hot.

      1. I agree. However everything you just said is wrong.

        4. It’s weird, but lolknee has your email in his profile and when I click yours, it redirects me to his (the one with the colorful man avatar, not the one with the bird in the gilded cage), will this day’s shenanigans ever end?
          Ah, but then, what’s in a name anyway? 🙂

        6. It’s all a dream within a dream and chaos, bro.

      2. Seriously, you don’t think that’s awesome hot? I dig that kind of almost frightening type of sexuality in a girl. Outside of the murder part I mean.

    2. Reminds me of this one, though it’s significantly tamer (lyrics taken from a genuine stalker letter though).

  20. I love how this article slowly devolved into insanity. It actually threw my off for a minute.

      1. I’ve noticed. I’m not even going to try to understand whats going on with you and lolknee 😛

    2. He had me until this part “If a girl asks you if the big dog is yours, that’s a clear signal she’s into bestiality”.

  23. Extremely well done. It kept getting more outrageous on each one until I remembered the day. I believe my plausibility line was exceeded at the dog park one.

  24. +598275 on the bestiality
    Women who like dogs creep me the fuck out!
    Reminds me of the herpes epidemic in horses in a country I can not remember.
    And they have the gall to call us perverts.

    1. The dog thing will bring the wrath of god. Dog is God backwards. You worship God not dog. You take the spirit of God into you, not dog.
      I’ll tell you one group of women that likely would never screw dogs and that’s Korean and Chinese women. They EAT dogs but SCREW their men. Whereas western women who screw dogs are one step away from EATING their men. That’s me and you man!! Feminism is nothing but baby eating at its core. It is evil and must be stopped.
      I think the dog screwing fad with western women began with the animal rights nutjobs. They’re severe sjw facists of the worst degree who lobbied for the armed animal cops that we see siezing property and swatting citizens for the neglect of a pet hamster. It is the goal of animal rights extremists to EXHALT the animal over man. I’m pretty sure animal rights women were the first since Babylon to screw dogs.
      At the Chinese Yulin dog meat festival, I can’t imagine any of the female Asian chefs considering screwing what’s on the chopping block. That’s dinner. You’d have to be stupid or something to want to literally fuck supper. Feminism has really made those westerners crazy.
      http://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/78/590x/secondary/yulin-306923.jpg
      There’s a difference between ‘horny’ and ‘hungry’. Asians get ‘hungry’ when they see this:
      http://static.pulse.ng/img/gist/origs3094434/3896362169-w644-h960/dog-meat.jpg
      Only a sicko would get ‘horny’ at such a sight. At the annual Yulin festival, they even offer up CAT!!
      http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Ipev-TDF12o/S6kay3ecA_I/AAAAAAAAAqA/dHwsnVPEpVQ/s400/cat.jpg
      P.S. For the record I’m neither Asian nor a dog eater. I was just making a point. That cat pic . . eek . . my beard just fell off . .
      .

  26. #3 Now that we know that FINALLY the media admits that white people like their opiods a bit too much, who wants to go on a shopping spree down in Mexico?

  27. “When I was in public school, all my teachers were old, wrinkled women born prior to WW2. I have definitely noticed the recent trend of hot-bodied twenty-something schoolteachers that seem to have appeared out of nowhere. And many of them are so desperate they turn to having sex with their students.”
    Stop watching so much porn, it’s not real life.

    1. Theres been a number of convictions of female teachers in both America and Australia caught having sex with their students

      1. Yeah, and those teachers generally aren’t “hot-bodied twenty-something schoolteachers that seem to have appeared out of nowhere.” That is bullshit. I would also add that teaching is just a predator prone profession, there are male teachers who have sex with students two.

  28. Why do I always forget that it’s April 1st? Good one, though. The disgust factor scaled nicely with each entry.

  31. Just adding to your point regard desperate American(and Australian) female school teachers have been caught having sex with students – There has been a small number of Female School Teachers turning to doing porn in Japan obviously female desperation turns to different forms in different countries.

    1. Interesting, the Jap market is saturated with female actors. They have a massive shortage of male performers though. Very good career choice, if you can deal with sideways squid.

  35. Don’t forget emergency rooms and funerals where you can pick up those you can…give comfort to.

  36. What about the grave yard? Don’t forget the shovel, dig em up and fuck em. Oh shit it’s not April 1st any more.

  37. #6 is insane but some of us here that have that “eastern look” could pull it off. Do you think we’d need the accent though?
    Imagine what would happen if Roosh tried it. The butthurt would be glorious.

  38. “This is clearly a case of low self esteem women with few options, taking advantage of whatever dick is closest to them.” Eh, low self esteem, yes; no options? Hardly. The schoolteachers have plenty of options, but they prefer options they can control, like kids.

  39. #3 is ridiculous, the age cohort with the highest deaths from opioid drugs are people aged 45-54, furthermore, people don’t recreationally use SSRI’s, they don’t produce a high, people typically abuse opiates.

  40. Don’t knock OAPs, if you can get them to do Kegels its like banging a 35 year old whose been on the cock carousel.

  43. Not fair reposting an April Fool’s joke on a day that’s not April Fool’s. I was ready to write off this author as someone with serious issues. I have to say though, those first three are very real – especially the mall.

  44. “7 Places Where You Can Meet The “New” Modern Woman”
    WHY????
    (Just checked the date of this article — NOW I get it! Good one!)

  45. Approaching women, whether it’s online or in person is like hand feeding deer. One wrong move, or even if the wind changes direction… these fickle creatures will go batshit, kick you, and run away.

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