Stop Trying To “Find” A Wife

I have a rule at Asshole Consulting. If I get a unique question, it’s a statistical oddity. If I get it again, it’s a coincidence. But if I get it a third time, it’s a trend that demands attention as there are likely many more men with the same question. And the question of:

“How do I find a wife?” or “How do I meet a quality girl?”

This has come up multiple times now, thereby necessitating a discussion about it. First realize that there’s more to this topic than you think.  For it’s not just about “finding a quality wife,” but avoiding a huge and costly mistake most men make.  So costly, in fact, it can ruin your life and avoiding this mistake is likely more important than finding a quality wife in itself.

Stoicism, Economics, and Mortality

First, understand there is no definitive answer on how to find a marriageable or long-term quality girl in life.  There is no store that sells them.  They are not hanging out at some venue we’ve yet to discover.  There is no strategy some PUA or red-pill seminarian has concocted that “for just $99.95 you too can learn this strategy at Slicky McSlickerson’s ‘How to Find a Wife Seminar!’“.  I met my current 10-year-plus girlfriend teaching a dance class.  Another couple I know met through friends.  A third were set up by their parents.  There is no correlation, trend, relationship, or other statistical corollary behind finding a spouse, so stop trying to look for a science where there is none to be found.

Since there is no science behind this problem, realize the nature of the problem changes.  Because if there’s nothing you can tangibly “do” to find a wife, no strategy you can employ, how precisely are you supposed to find one?  This presents a paradox because any attempt to “go about finding one” is an attempt to “tangibly do something” and therefore won’t work.  And, therefore, as is with many problems in life, the solution does not lay within directly addressing, tackling, and solving the problem (as men are prone to do), but changing your perception of the problem, changing your understanding of the problem, and actually changing yourself in order to solve it.  It is ultimately a lesson in stoicism that reminds us we only control ourselves and not others.

But there is another important lesson to learn when it comes to the pursuit of a life-long partner.  And that is one of economics and mortality.

My friend and I often joked in our 30’s that had we not wasted time chasing girls in our 20’s, and instead invested it into more profitable ventures we’d have a lot more to show for it, beyond notch counts and the painassery it took us to get them.  I could have had my doctorate.  My buddy would have had a house paid off (arguably two).  Our bank accounts would certainly be more flush with cash.  And that says nothing of the decades of headache we would have spared ourselves.

These economic opportunity costs are huge.  Most men, if they invested their time into themselves instead of women, would easily boost their lifetime earnings by over $1 million.  We could easily retire at 40.  Most of us would have no mortgage, car loans, or student loans.  Not to mention the mental serenity, peace, and calm that comes with such a life.  But there are also other opportunity costs in the quality of life when you put wife-hunting ahead of your own life.  You forfeit adventure, hobbies, traveling, intellectualism, philosophy, reading, entrepreneurship—a nearly limitless number of things you could have pursued, enjoyed, even mastered—making your life a genuinely interesting one, had you not wasted your time on bars, nightclubs, or Tinder.

“But What About The Women?”

The problem this presents, however, is that if you’re spending your time hiking, biking, writing, swimming, studying, and pursuing a career, how are you exactly going to find a wife?  Not that going clubbing or hitting girls up on Tinder was with the aim of finding a girlfriend, nor is there anything wrong with going out with the sole intention to bang.  But don’t you have to pursue women at some point on some level to find a life-partner?


And the reason is because living your own life is precisely what will attract women towards you, whether you intend to get married or not.

This is the biggest problem my wife-inclined and girlfriend-inclined clients fail to understand. Horse-blinded by logic (and admittedly, most of these guys are nerd STEM majors who have formulaic minds), most men will think pursuing women, putting the time and effort into approaching them, chatting them up on social media, and running various sorts of game is how you get and attract women.  These things certainly don’t hurt, but you do so at a great disadvantage because what exactly do you offer them?

If you’re an accomplished 38 year old engineer who likes to go mountain climbing, spends his time at the gym, is well read on philosophy, and has traveled to Nepal, you offer a girl much more than your 18 year old contemporary who has no hobbies, interests, accomplishments, or experience in life.  I liken it to being an older computer hard drive with a ton of interesting video games, programs, and apps on it, versus a brand new laptop with a blank hard drive.  No girl is going to want to play with a computer with a blank hard drive.  She’s always going to choose the hard drive with actual programs on it.  And so it is the job of every young man to put interesting things on their hard drives.

But there’s even more at stake here than failing to attract a wife if you don’t season yourself to be an interesting and accomplished man – the risk you’ll waste your life.

Always Look Out for #1

The truth of the matter is you’re going to die.  You get one, short, finite life on this planet, and you better make it count.  And while there’s nothing wrong with going to a party, getting drunk, and chasing the occasional skirt, when you make the pursuit of women your #1 priority in life, you do so at the expense of your life.

All those weekends you went out partying? You could have learned to work on cars.

All those days you spent helping a girl with her homework and you were friendzoned? Could have boosted your own GPA and got a better job.

And the limitless hours you sang and danced like a monkey in a cage to impress a girls at bars? You could have improved your mind reading philosophy.

And so instead of ending up like the World’s Most Interesting Man at the age of 55, you are your typical, obese, divorced, bald 55 year old man joining a Christian singles group to meet some other equally vapid female equivalent.

Live your life on your terms, pursuing the dreams you desire.  If you want to climb Mt. McKinley, go climb Mt. McKinley.  If you want go motorcycle across the country, go motorcycle across the country.  And if you just want to stay home and read instead of going to the club, by all means stay home and read.  Besides, there may be a lot of girls at the club, but there’s even more in living your life.

89 thoughts on “Stop Trying To “Find” A Wife”

  1. Serious question: has anyone found a wife through day game? I’d be curious about that sort of outcome.
    Game was a great invention for finding sex in a decadent culture, but it’s a different story when it comes to marriage.

    1. Agreed. I am in college now and while game gets you laid, it does not attract wife-tier women. What does is self confidence, competence, and cash. Wife-tier women aren’t usually found in dive bars and clubs. They are found in a martial arts club, a gym, a church outreach program, etc. A woman who has things other than drinking and riding the cock carnival on a Saturday night is a woman who may be worth spending your life with.

    2. My current boyfriend found me through day game. He was very direct and did a lot of touching (kino?) and made it clear he wanted to have coffee with me. He’s older and did exactly what was said in the article: he’s lived a full, well travelled life with an interesting career. I knew I wanted to know more about him and his stories shortly within meeting him so it was easy for him to get my number to arrange a coffee date.
      The email I used in this form works if you want more clarification.

      1. @ Balboa “Who should be doing the chasing after?”
        Both. What attracted him to me was my physical appearance, so I need to maintain that. It would be disrespectful to both him and the relationship to get fat or frumpy. Within reason, I expect the same from him.

      2. Yours sounds like a daygame success story with a fairytale ending. May warm and rosy rays shine upon ye. Peace and Patriarchy.
        I find coffee a turn off though. If say, he’d offered a stick of gum at the bus stop instead, would you bite (yes/no?). I pull out a pack of gum like James Bond and pop a stick in, then turn to the hottie saying “how rude of me” with a smile and offer her some. No I don’t want you since you’re already happily filleted, baked and flipped, but I’m just asking? Gum game? Again good warm rays upon ye union.

    3. Just a couple of days ago I met a girl in the forrest, german psychology student, 20 years old, virgin, doesn’t use Instagram, is not Smartphone addicted, loves to be on her own, introverted…until now she seems to be pretty good.
      I even checked her for personality disorders (yes, I have built a checklist for that over the years…psychology is one of my hobbies) but she seems to be fine.
      Just your shy, introverted, nice smart good looking girl next door.
      I think it’s all about WHERE you are meating girls.
      Try to find girls where you normally don’t find girls. Like in the forrest on their own. If a girl a) walks through the forrest and b) she does it without her peers there is something special about her.

        1. To find a girl walking in the woods, approach her and give her a Scientology tech level 3 survival rundown battery sounds absolutely wonderful. That would make for a perfect day in my book.

      1. When I was single I specialized in bookworms and girls who go to church. 7ish girls, cute but not stunning. You can find some nice girls in that range.

    4. The age men are ready and mature for marriage is 35+, but game isn’t generally known for attracting wife.
      For that to happen, you must be ready and willing to settle down.
      It is to a man’s benefit to marry a woman 25 and over.
      I think the rule is 5 to 10+ age difference.
      Make sure the woman you marry is conservative and traditional.
      You can rarely go wrong.

    5. As an engineer, I took a very methodical approach. I determined what worked and what did not work in my previous relationships. I determined what I wanted in my next relationship and the type of woman that I wanted. She must be educated, come from a good family, love her parents, be Christian, desire a family, submissive, very few if any relationships, respectful of people and money, and family-oriented rather than career-oriented. I spent over a year online and messaged tens of women throughout Asia and South America. I found the sweetest and most likable in the Philippines. My strategy revolved around asking a set of questions to answer whether she had the aforementioned qualities during the initial Skype voice or video call. You could tell very quickly the quality of woman you were dealing with and whether it was a scam (I encountered a few) or not. In my experience, most of the women were genuinely looking for a relationship that would lead to marriage.
      I knew I found her the first time we spoke. After the phone call, the next day we video chatted via Skype. And then, each and every day for the next several weeks. I told her I would like to visit. She asked me if it would be next year because, if so, she would wait for me. I said, no, next month. And that I did.
      I knew my plan before I left. I only had to confirm if what I felt in person was the same that I felt online. And, it was even better than I could have imagined. I spent the next two weeks with her and her family. Before I left to return home, I spoke to her father later that week and he gave me his blessing. When I asked to marry her, she said, “Of course!”
      I’m 44, she’s 26. The age disparity in the PIs is not nearly as big a thing as it is here. I want to have children. Not once was age ever a problem discussed by her or her family.
      We are both “nerds” and like the simple things. She is an English teacher, college educated, and a professional singer. She lives at home with her family. She listens to what her parents say (they are both strict and her father is a soldier). I am her first relationship. Before she goes out with friends, she asks my permission.
      I am waiting for her Visa to be approved before returning to bring her back home with me. I will marry her. Yes, it could all go wrong but I believe we will do everything we can to prevent that. We pray together, share a common faith, have a plan for her to work for a little and then become a housewife and mother. We pray together, believe that God is the center of our union, and share many similar values on family, money, time, and faith/religion.
      I’ve read many articles and comments that say do not bring her back to the USA because it will change her. I’m sad to report that the PI (and I think most of the world) has become “Westernized” in many values. I see the proliferation of tattoos, promiscuity, and lack of manners in many developing countries. Either she is a good soul already at her age or she is not. I do not believe anything will change her except my change in frame in our relationship.
      I have found my asawa through perseverence, luck, and the grace of God. It was only until I determined what exactly I wanted in a women that I could then go out and look for her. And after looking long and far, I found her and new it immediately.

      1. She’s using you for the green card. Seen it happen a dozen times with Philipinas. Your number one fuck up is bringing her back to the USA as others have mentioned. You think she can’t get corrupted here but your wrong.
        I’ll also note that I don’t hate Philipinas. I’m dating one now. The difference is mine is already a citizen so I at least know she’s not using me for that lol. They are very skilled manipulators though so be careful. The sweetness is just a mask.

    6. Why a different story with game? AMALT? Game gets you the girl. It has always been up to you to screen and decide if you wanted to lock down.
      Also this article implies you get busy fixing cars, climbing mountains and engineering solutions. Well, you still end up with your rooster in your hand at the top of the mountain or in the garage.
      Focus on tail and get tail. Focus on money and get money. Never have I gotten tail reading philosophy.

      1. VicS, you nailed it. Simple cause and effect here. Not trying to find a wife will very likely result in not finding a wife. Game can be a positive factor in attracting the most desirable partner.

      2. To find a girl walking in the woods, approach her and give her a Scientology tech level 3 survival rundown battery sounds absolutely wonderful. That would make for a perfect day in my book.

    7. I am unsure how to navigate this new comment protocol, so forgive me.
      So…it’s better to know how to work on cars, have a high GPA, and be an expert on philosophy than to have a sweet, lovely, devoted wife that serves and adores and supports you and is there at your side forever?

    8. Nope. Mine came to me when a Ranger friend texted me, “there is someone you seriously need to meet,” and that was it.
      I was just minding my own business; going to work, running, climbing and bedding girls from wine walks and live music venues, with a minor STR on the side when I met this girl who I’d have never met in the normal places I look (bars, clubs, etc).
      I wasn’t looking for a wife when she came along. She is 10 years younger, super fit, a believer, very traditionally feminine and fits my personality to a tee.
      I can’t really explain how to imitate this success except to tell you to mine your social circle for leads.

    9. You should not be asking this question Roosh. I expect something from a newbie but not someone like you who should be in the know. I mean you are the guiding light of this place and you ask such amateurish question. Travesty. Absolute travesty.

    10. Roosh, a lot of the women are willing to stay virgins until marriage in the most conservative Christian groups. Only a small percentage of Christian men will, which isn’t in and of itself a problem. Most Christian guys who are attractive enough to have the chance at a secular-type relationship with sex first will succumb to the temptation. The actual issue then becomes that they will either marry the girlfriend, or more likely, that they will expect sex before marriage.
      So, virgin women usually are quick to key-into that and put-out. A lot of them will still spread their legs for Jesus and try to put out and marry a Christian. Others just leave Christianity and start having a lot of sex. The remainder age and become left-overs.
      Most women will wait until an inevitable marriage. Very few women will wait under the very slim chance they will get married. No woman is going to wait to have sex with a guy of equal SMV to have her virginity taken away and then left. Women are not going to form a line to have their SMV lowered by someone they aren’t very attracted to, who should probably just marry them, but may potentially dump them. There are a few girls who would wait for a guy who was just good enough, if they were guaranteed the marriage, but not when there’s risk. Her biology will not let her do that.
      So, the reason that there “aren’t any more virgins” is because nobody wants virgins. It’s a supply and demand issue. Women have to have a strong reason to be chaste, or they won’t be. The only place where virginity is going to be important to a woman is a conservative religious circle, and there’s no demand for virgins there. There’s even very little demand for virgins in their late teens/ early twenties, and they can tell no one’s lining-up. I’m cute and slim, and I hardly got asked-out. I went on my first date when I was 25.
      Girls are more submissive, and we’re wired to pick-up on what men want. They don’t want virgins, and they don’t respect the effort. I’m not surprised a lot of religious girls are promiscuous. It’s the whole “one bad apple” thing. Imagine you’re the most attractive virgin around, and then the guy you like marries a Plain Jane who’s overweight and smug about getting the guy you wanted, because blowjobs or something. It’s just an insult. Fuck that.

      1. Basically, virgins hit the wall at age 24-26 (aka, have guys in wheelchairs as our options), and before we hit the wall, the ratio of virgins to religious men who will wait until marriage to have sex with a virgin is 10 to 1. And a lot of women are told to marry other virgins, so that makes the odds more like 100 to 1.
        And just because a religious guy is willing to wait, doesn’t mean that he prefers to be in a relationship where he has to wait. 99 times out of 100, he will take easier over better.
        I don’t know why you would be a virgin. I did it thinking I was pleasing God and my parents, but my parents recently told me they would rather have seen me more successful than seen me stick to my guns. So, parents don’t value virginity either.

      2. So, the reason that there “aren’t any more virgins” is because nobody wants virgins. It’s a supply and demand issue.

        This just isn’t true: it’s hamstering and blaming men for women’s whorishness — “if only men wanted virgins, women would be virgins”.
        And most women who end up left on the shelf as virgins are there not because the men in churches ditch them for easier lays, but rather for other reasons. …Because either they are frigid/scared of sex, they are way too picky about men, or they have looks/personality which men find repellent.

  2. Nice article, but I think it exaggerates the amount of time and energy pussy hunting requires and that those things somehow exclude the interesting things to fill our hard drive with. The only time I put in some extra time and effort is when I have a drought or travel partly or largely to meet girls. Otherwise it is just the general self-improvement and doing interesting stuff: lifting weights, staying in shape, reading, writing, traveling, meeting friends, having my economy in shape.

  3. yes.
    Meeting a woman is same no matter where or how .
    can always lead to more…
    the meeting is the crucial, and difficult ingredient. And I reckon wifeation more likely from daytime interaction, rather than “girls night out”.
    I met young chick who worked retail.
    And 10 years later we got back together and married.
    Present 20 year younger gf-exgf-gf met at beach/sports during day – 6 years ago…

  4. Let me tell you something, the progressives and stupid leftists and other SJWs did a great evil to sexual marketplace.
    Now, women in the current sexual marketplace have MEGA,ULTRA, HYPERINFLATED value compared to their male counterparts.
    This is partially due to biology and how the human brain and sexual reproductive organs works.
    The hormone responsible for sexual desires and lust is testosterone, both for men and women.
    Contrary to popular beliefs, estrogen and progesterone are not responsible for sexual desire in the way that testosterone is.
    But nature made man to desire sex all the time. I say this because in human males the testosterone levels are 10 to even 14 times higher than in human females.
    Now, lets we all imagine a scenario. Lets we say we discovered how the brain works and what parts of it are responsible for sex desires and lust.
    And we genetically modified a virus that would DECREASE human males sexual desires and made them have sexual urges in cycles. In very large cycles, lets say every 5-6 months. But the virus would only make the male body to not respond to sexual stimuli, without actually decreasing any hormone level in body.
    And between those cycles, the men in cause wont desire sex anymore.
    Notice that this virus would only infect men, leaving women horny, not affecting them.
    1.How do you think this would affect/modify sexual marketplace?
    2.How would heterosexual women respond to this change?

    1. Why would this matter if most SJW’s and/or feminists end up feeling used up or divorced and remain single with cats for the rest of their lives?

  5. The harsh truth is that few men OR women understand what marriage is supposed to be, hence the pursuit goes astray so easily. If one approaches marriage as “what do I get out of this?” you are going to attract and be attracted to someone with similar values. If one understands marriage as God intended it (yes, I am talking about what the Bible describes) the underlying assumptions change. It is about seeking the best for each other.
    You younger guys have grown up in this culture of narcissism that makes it “all about me” and you encounter females similarly oriented. So you change from seeking relationships to an adolescent ‘game’ of manipulation in order to have sex. As long as your orientation is utterly self-focused you will never have successful marriage. The author of this article revels in his own ironic narcissism in much of what her writes. That he is with a woman who is content to be a “girlfriend” for 10 yrs says it all.
    As it turns out, I am a leading contender for World’s Most Interesting Man, and most of that was developed while married!

    1. Of course the man must care for her wife and pay attention to her needs and ‘do her good’.
      What I found important too is when both partners share their faith. If a christian marries a christian they have something huge in common and shared values. Like a frame to work within… a solid fundament. The direction is clear… and they will both avoid a filthy and wicked lifestyle. And enjoying the godly fruit.
      If you are together with a non-christian women… she will desire to go after the lust of her own heart and flesh, including wicked things. Its human nature. And there will be a lack of moderation and humbleness… like a drug addict which allways need new doses. Can be compared to a ticking time bomb… once you can’t give her new ‘kicks’ you will have a problem.
      Im not going to satisisfy the wicked desires of a women and feed her demon spirits… I know its ungodly and bad for the soul.

  6. “Notice that this virus would only infect men, leaving women horny, not affecting them.
    1.How do you think this would affect/modify sexual marketplace?
    2.How would heterosexual women respond to this change?”
    do you mean a hidden virus?
    or that many men are soy-boy unattractive?

    1. @Sir Lee
      ”do you mean a hidden virus?
      or that many men are soy-boy unattractive?”
      I mean a real virus- hidden or not – that would affect the entire human population with Y chromosome, or in other words, all males 🙂
      Of course, another radical solution to HYPERINFLATED VALUE of women on the sexual market would be a virus that makes all women horny. Crazy horny. This solution would be way more pleasurable on the short term, but it would destroy civilisation because instead of building something or doing research, everybody would be f…( self censorship, I don t want to get comment deleted ).
      But those are just some ideas, maybe there are smarter and less dangerous solutions.

  7. Hey Roosh,
    I reckon you and Captain Capitalism should come to NYC for a speaking tour.
    You can stay in my basement.
    And/Or Blue-Pill City tour? NYC, LA, Boston, Charlottsville, etc…lol

  8. I’ve been improving myself since I was 16. I’ve worked hard, didn’t go to parties or anything, saved money to buy a nice car. Now, I’m 23 and I’m finishing up my Master’s degree in Electrical Engineering. The years 16 to 23 were very painful. I didn’t have much social life, I hanged out with losers, and the girls friend-zoned me. The reason It was so painful is because I was lonely all the time, I wanted to find quality girl, but it was hard with my situation. I’ve never been that guy who chased girls, because I think it’s a waste of time, but I also don’t want to be that guy who just believes in self-improvement like I’ve been doing for 7 years now. This July I’m going to Ukraine to find me a wife cause I know if I find a submissive Christian girl then my life will improve dramatically. And if you have someone who pushes you to be the best that you can be (like a girl(, that’s the best feeling in the world for me.

    1. Hello Vlad,
      I’ve been reading some of your comments recently and I must say they are SPOT ON! I can understand your situation quite well… and it sounds like a good plan.
      Im proud to hear a man with such a noble and great mission! And a godly man deserve a godly lady, who is CHASTE and obeys him and the lord. And this kind of relationship will be filled with the holy spirit… and more stable and eternal.
      I’ve recently tried to establish a godly relationship with a girl too, it didnt work out. She didn’t submit and rather looked for ‘carnal’ things. Had the spirit of the antichrist. The experience made me come closer to god and and understand what the REAL DEAL is, and not to go for compromises and settle for something else.
      It should be worth it, even when it means a lot of effort.
      God bless you…

    2. Careful you don’t get rinsed in Ukraine, Vlad.
      Practice a bit of daygame before you leave, until you can reliably attract a bitch.
      If you can’t get laid in your own country, you’re not gonna get laid in a foreign one. Much to the chagrin of weird English teachers in Asia.

      1. I think thats good advice and I would recommend especially to get rid off Approach Anxiety and have some experiences in Opening and Vibing. After that things are more easy, since shes allready hooked.
        I was once in Kiev, doing english daygame. Was not that easy for me. I had to ‘use my full armor’ to get some sets attracted. But I dont wanna discourage you, because I saw russian/ ukrainian speaking guys doing really well, I mean their sets blow opened and girls were interested right away… while for me it was an uphil battle.

        1. You’ve got the soldierfit attitude. You’ll eventually find you could plunder anywhere. Keep your sights on ‘v’ card. After age of consent, guys with cars and motorcycles are all over her especially if she goes to work in a city or to school. At college she’s done. Non religious parents with a daughter are actually easier to wife up without the church customs and requirements. Non religious family girls lose their v earlier in general so the window is lowerd. Some thumping churches have in house virgins in their late 20s but those eggs are half gone and the rest will go stale quickly. Dang the western man has to shoot low like John Wayne these days. So be it.

    3. The Hunt For A Moral Woman

      While I do support your mission, it would do some good to keep certain things mentioned in this article in mind.
      “If I go to a village today, and meet a 22-year-old girl who didn’t have the chance to attend college and who has a notch count of less than five, is that confirmation of her goodness? It’s not, because she has yet to be put in a sinful environment.”

      1. The temptation will be allways there… especially for the ‘saints’.
        By doing a good job as a man/ husband, the chances will be far lower that a relationship will be inflitrated by sin.
        And I would do a solid teaching on the origin of sin, that temptation is normal… and how to avoid it, that the whole world is in wickedness and we are in a spiritual war.
        There are are very good preachings available on youtube by Pastor “Steven Anderson”. Im catholic, but must say that our preachings hardly can compete with him.

  9. I was in Poland and met my wife through a blind date arranged by a secretary (threatened with firing by my boss if she did not) with her cousin’s college roommate. Worked out awesome! Try to “do that”.
    Exactly. I met some girls in Poland, but got friend zoned because I was stupid. I got lucky. But I was in the right place at the right time doing something interesting for the military on assignment as a civilian. Go do something interesting, an something good might happen for you.

  10. Heh, I read a book once in the 90’s written by a physicist who said as an aside that the dating scene was “characterized by long search times and high transaction costs.”
    If you really want to find a wife, then you do at some point have to go out and look for a suitable candidate, you can’t just stand apart and say “I’m awesome and have a lot to offer – some woman will find ME.” That’s the strategy chicks use. (I’m well aware of the arguments against marriage, of course, and might done things differently if I knew then what I know now). I kind of did what Aaron talked about above: I spent my 20’s doing what I wanted to do: I read a lot, painted, played guitar, wrote a novel – and I paid off my house. But by the time I reached my early 30’s, and seeing everyone one around me getting paired up, I really wanted to have a stable long-term relationship with the prospect of becoming a parent at some point. So I did the online dating thing – this was back in the early 2000’s. Man, it was rough. But after almost two years I met and started dating the woman who I was to marry. I was 32 and she was 26. And this week we are celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary.

  11. I have the author’s “Enjoy the Decline” book, and it was interesting, and at times thought provoking. But this article is flawed on many levels.
    First, as Roosh has pointed out in other articles, a dude who has never been married, or who has a short-lived marriage still in the honeymoon phase (or has a short-term pair-bonding boost due to a newborn), may not be able to give solid advice on the matter. I’d say Vox or Rollo are better qualified. I am also extremely dubious about conflating a 10 yr BF-GF relationship with marriage. Speaking from experience, I know why BF-GF relationships go on and on with no marriage in sight.
    Next the idea of bettering one’s self is fine, and I enthusiastically recommend men develop their alpha traits. But suggesting we can forego our overpowering biological prime directive to mate and procreate ignores reality. Few young men can shut off their sex drive or desire to form a family, and focus solely on their career and education. It is nice in theory, but I see the idea has its roots in the mindset of a 30-something who is not so controlled by his sex drive. IOW, it’s easy for you to say that now.
    The men asking for advice on finding a wife are not chasing a paradox, and hit on a very important societal problem: In the past there were structures in place specifically designed to pair-up couples; those do not exist today. I think that’s the question these men are asking: how to solve this riddle. There are indeed correlations and cause-effect things going on there. It really is a scientific question.
    Another problem I have is with the idea of “what exactly do you offer them?” This smells like a lot of “man up” and the feminine-prime directive. Be that Beta Bucks she so desires after tiring of the carousel. Dalrock covers this all the time – the advice preachers give their congregations.
    The article starts out asking the question of “how to find a wife or quality girl” but in the end becomes a different question: “chasing skirts – at the expense of everything else”. The two are not the same. The second question sets up a strawman that the author proceeds to strike down.

    1. Everything you say here is so accurate. Learning game will jot only get your Dick wet but also make it so that when you are a successful male, women won’t take you for the betabux guy that you would have been since you spent your time on everything except understanding women.
      Sure, spend decades developing everything but game but don’t come crying when a woman who does know the game has you out on the street because she manipulated you into being her betabux provider and now she took the kids, the house, and half your shit. Why? Because you spent your life being awesome but not being smart about women. What good is learning how to be awesome in life when your lack of game can actually destroy you?
      Never stop learning game. It isn’t that it gets you a wife, it’s that we need it to survive in this world of horrible circumstance where laws are designed against men.

  12. This is a good approach but part of the problem I have seen in it for my bachelor buddies on the self-improvement / live and attract method is that women have become (or always were) so boring.
    It is incredibly rare to find the well rounded philosophy reading, gun toting, Bible thumping, Krav Magaing, feminine, cake baking, house-maker who knows the value of men being men and supports that effort through word, thought and deed because they don’t raise anyone that way.
    People’s minds and culture are destroyed. Most are bags of wasted salt sitting at home watching videos and playing games.
    This is still probably the most sound way of finding said women but the pool of potentials is being purposely drained.

  13. “My friend and I often joked in our 30’s that had we not wasted time chasing girls in our 20’s, and instead invested it into more profitable ventures we’d have a lot more to show for it”
    This x1000. I was a loser in my 20s and midway through my 30s. But as a result of that, I spent all of my time earning money. Now in my early 40s, I work when I want to and I have more money than I could spend in a lifetime as well as my pick of attractive women. Back then I hated not getting laid, but when I talk to some of my old college buddies who were banging girls then and who are making an hourly wage now, I feel pretty fortunate.

  14. Tony Montana is brilliant.
    Great point and good article. Most guys in the 20s have their priorities all wrong. Health and wealth is what young bros should be focused on. Have money in the bank, a fit and healthy body/physique coupled with an interesting lifestyle will get you far with a quality girl you meet. I mean you can learn and master game yet it all collapse within a year or less because what she finds is ….. nothing.

    1. When I was a tender 14 year old reading ‘The Game” by Neil Strauss, just being able to hold a conversation was a struggle. After creating an interestin lifestyle for myself I have more problems knowing when to quit captivating a bitch before the coffee shop closes.

  15. those of us with actual slav blood may just have to go shopping back at the motherland (while we still have our looks so it’s not pathetic).

  16. “And if you just want to stay home and read instead of going to the club, by all means stay home and read.” My life in a nutshell.

  17. When I got really focused on me – improving in my career, working out, eating better – and devoting no attention at all to women…that was when women were absolutely the most attracted to me in my entire life. And by a wide margin.

  18. Far too many guys I know are caught up in the “go to bars to meet women” mindset. You’ll meet the worst ones there. Every quality relationship I have seen has been through meeting someone from a friend, or a situational occurrence. Guys fail before they begin going on the hunt for that purpose.

  19. How to find is very simple: Be the type of man, that the type of women you wanna marry, is looking for and don’t be a little faggot beta male unless you like women who are into that kind of thing. I have no problem getting laid but finding a wife has been hard because I haven’t been willing to the type of man that the type of women I’d marry, wants me to be. For instance, if you want a good religious woman with strong character and good morals, loyal, etc. Then you need to be that type of man. But I’ve been a dog and a manwhore most life so I’ll be surprised if I ever tie the knot. Not saying I won’t ever get married but I want a good girl but I’ve been a bad boy. Iono just my theory on it. People often marry other people who are just like them.

  20. To get a high quality woman you must be a high quality man.
    “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be
    added on. You need to join an escoteric studies program.
    Up grade yourself, and you will attract quality women.
    Of course, you might die before you have sex, but even this is
    unimportant because in the next life men come back as men, and
    women come back as women. There IS sex in the next life, but try
    to be the best you can be in this life.

  21. “No girl is going to want to play with a computer with a blank hard drive. ”
    Bullshit. Today’s american woman looking for marriage doesn’t stop talking about herself long enough to know anything about a dude except his money.
    And If you go after young, attractive women, it’s still bullshit: you’ll quickly see they have zero attention span. The fun dude with the cool parties and drugs gets laid.
    So I agree with “stop trying to find a wife” for a different reason. NOT because she’ll come to you naturally or any of that crap. I agree because it will fucking SUCK. In the U.S. you have 2 options:
    1. Become the beta provided for a blown out hag
    2. Become a player who fucks young, cute girls

    1. Those are two very extreme options David. Marriage can certainly suck or it can be the best experience of a mans life. Most of the time it is far less dramatic, but is rarely binary.

  22. “There is no store that sells them.”
    Plenty of mothers and fathers out here in Asia willing to sell you their daughter for a wife.

  23. “The truth of the matter is you’re going to die.”
    Death is not the end. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? Eternal life is the ultimate goal.
    Working on cars, a better job, and reading philosophy certainly make you a more well-rounded, interesting person, but are not an end unto themselves.
    A wife and children change you into a complete man. You have to sacrifice selfishness for a greater legacy and the risk is worth it. You can be a man without them, I am not insinuating that. You just won’t ever know the difference.

    1. The responsibility of family does give you a crash course in ‘manning up’ but I don’t like the term. It implies what the feminists deride that males are basically hapless dumb boys, which is another part of the big feminist lie. Males are genetically preprogrammed with masculine propensities. A natural state unadultered boy matures correctly under patriarchal mentorship. The definition of ‘patriarchal’ has been modified in the deteriorating west and now it is patriarchal and righteous to game, dominate and posess a quality young v tart. Her budding hormones overwhelmingly usher her into a life of motherhood. To BREED, TIT FEED and SERVICE HER MASTER are tenets that should roll off your tongue automatically like a song. They are her gospel and she becomes full and true as a living being in the verse of her patriarch. She responds to the vibration of your voice. It resonates in her bones. Notice in a beta whip relationship the heirarchy is flipped where the thirsty beta pedestalizes the woman in return for her crumbs and then gets discarded. PATRIARCHY TURNS the tables right.

    2. Great comment!
      Faith will give peace to your soul and make it possible to live a more moderate lifestyle. It gives you the real water, not the water from which you get thirsty again. You are no longer scared that you will miss some great things in this world, you are not worried about all your desires being fullfilled. You can even say ‘no’ to things that you can have, without feeling nervous… for example if you sacrifice your career or some passions to serve something more important (selfless).
      Because you know something much greater is prepared for you.

    3. Death is not the end. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? Eternal life is the ultimate goal.
      This presumes that human consciousness survives death of the physical body. How would having a family make any difference in this process?

      1. It’s all just malarky to get you to work for Darwin.
        Genetic immortality is NOT really immortality.
        Want to work for Darwin? Fine. But DO be aware of what you’re really doing.

  24. its lottery and destiny working at the same time
    almost like a trap u just falling in without knowing it
    u will remember how many girls u fucked and like it but the trap won’t let u go fuck more
    such is the prize to paid for a dear wife

  25. Marriage Material? Nope. I meet this kind of woman on average, maybe once every 3 years. The odds just arent there. I live in Toronto.
    I practice grocery store game. Lots of desperate middle aged white women in my area. Some are married, some are divorced, but all cock hungry no less. Meet her in the store, invite her over, get the bitch plastered with cheese and red wine (they love that shit), and then the granny panties drop.
    The only downside is the drama after cuz when I turn these hoes away for new ones. Like I was there last chance or something, and I’m like, I’m just having fun. That and husbands at times. I run fast like Bengal tiger.
    Also some of the divorced ones have kids close to my age and it gets awkward when I tell them that I’m their to bang their mom after we play video games or when I tell them to behave.
    I’m a young Indian dude from India.

  26. As someone who at 56 is not the world’s most interesting man, but still pretty damn interesting, I fully concur with what is said in the article. In other words, live you best life……become your best possible self and the women will be drawn to you. If you build your best self, they will come. ‘Nuff said.

  27. Captain, I’ve been been executing what you been saying here, well more or less. Focused on my own life with my own desires. But I am also having major doubts and even a sense of panic. Time is flying and I am realizing my path looks way too eerily similar to the path of that beta in their 30’s who “finally” found a girl and you can fill in the blanks.
    I might be trying to live my own life, but I can recognize some trajectories after trying to follow “self-improvement” and living for myself. And it looks way too similarly close the bad end. Maybe that’s wouldn’t be true if like my one of my hobbies pans out to my making more interesting in a more status gaining way. Or if I was making not just good money but crazy good money (though I technically don’t like, but you get when I mean). But it’s not looking that way right now.
    Maybe putting my efforts in the bar is also a stressful waste. But I don’t know I’m on the “right” path operating on the mindset that you outlined in this article.

    1. The problem with “finally” finding a girl is that your dry spell of multiple years make it that much likely you’ll elevate her status because you’ll forget AWALT at the end of the day.

  28. As a young man I had plenty of opportunities for meeting girls, I was handsome, serving in the British military as an engineer, cash wasnt a problem and more confidence than I deserved. I cetainly had more than my fair share of girls in all sizes, shapes and creeds. None of these women matched my expectations of an ideal wife and all were met in bars, night clubs and cafes through Europe. By the age of 30 I was sick of it, quit the army, picked up stumps and emigrated to Australia. I wasted my first couple of years playing the same game as back in Europe. The results were very dissapointing! Then I decided to take advantage of the opportunities my new home had given me. I took up scuba diving, surfing, sailing. I trawled the second hand bookshops that had disappeared in the UK finding books of substance rather than the bland novels I had read in my service years, I hung out at the library at weekends, or at the beach, or quiet cafes for a spot of reading. I can honestly say that all my new found hobbies increased my eposure to quality females by many hundreds of percent. It got to a point where I was spoilt for choice. Im now 49 years old, happily married to a woman straight out of my desire list from my teenage years for more than ten years. I would have never met her had I not changed my game.

  29. Then how do you guys fuck women, if that’s what you’re interested in?
    Do you just expect supermodels to fall off a tree in front of your house?
    Guys, i used to love this website, honestly. But it seems like it’s becoming more and more bitter with each article.
    It’s as if what all men writing here/commenting want is to fuck hot women (for free, ofc) but since they don’t got what it takes for that, they get frustrated and get their own hamster to run on their own wheel- frustration, philosophy, let’s be like Apollo, let’s learn how to cook because that’ll save you more money and get you more chicks to fuck, but wait, that’s actually not necessary because you don’t need to do anything for a woman, but for yourself only, and women will come flocking (obviously not), AWALT but no, not really, hey I used to think I met the most wonderful woman on the planet when I met my ex, well I didn’t really see it as a problem that she was a tattooed stripper with three kids from two different men/STDs/mental illness, but that’s just MY mistake, don’t make it etc., etc., etc. ……..
    Seriously, guys. Stop being such entitled losers who want to fuck supermodels just because beautiful, young women should submit themselves to ‘providers’, regardless of their age or looks. And are you guys providers? Most men commenting here wouldn’t even pay for a drink but they want to fuck Adriana Lima. Like come on. Get real. Fuck whores and treat nice women nicely. If you can’t find nice women it’s because you can’t see them, not because they don’t exist. Stop looking for tits and ass and start looking for honesty, warmth, loyalty, family values. Women like that do exist, I have many of them in my family, I have female friends, co-workers who are just like that.

    1. LOL. Your comment makes more sense than the majority of the recent relationship articles in here. The majority of the men here confused looks with actual genuine all around quality. They would pick the hot slutty disloyal 8 than a faithful 7 who is pretty but not hot. These folks don’t realize you always pick the faithful 7.

    2. As a 40 year ol man with a long list of women I can tell you that women have gotten worse over time. Today’s women are entitled twats that expect the benefits of equality but still expect men to treat them as princesses. You guys that do that ware cucks. Treat them mean, keep them kean. It really works, especially if you are great in bed which causes women to latch on to you. My approach is to date them and enjoy the pleasure they provide in terms of companionship and sex but will show them the door when they start acting emotionally and creating drama. Women are creatures that crave drama, and that, in my opinion is the reason I would never marry one. They always shit test and I get tired of it much quicker now, and say if you don’t like me, then go find someone else. I like having the option to tell them to leave, and if need be leave for good and I will always look out for number one. It is like the movie “Heat”, you have to be able to walk away from a situation with minimal effort. If you can do this, you will be free of female manipulation and risks that come from dating one long-term.

  30. Stay clear of women in general. What purpose does leaving behind an offspring provide you? You could use the money you would have spent on that shit on something better like retirement in the tropics, maybe see the world? Women aren’t offering anything better than their vaginas when it comes to relationships, but their demands are simply growing and growing. The difference between casual sex and masturbation is that at least you can’t get STD’s from fucking a piece of plastic. Women offer little to no pleasure in terms of experience they just lay there like fish occasionally making noise.
    You will eventually find a woman who meets your criteria of a perfect fit if you were to improve your lifestyle and social standing, but will it be worth the pain you will go through? Just find content with what you have, live for you and no one else.

  31. I used prostitutes in my 20’s after a lark on a trip to Amsterdam at 19.
    To be honest I am glad that prostitutes exist and I did not waste my 20’s in failed marriages, expensive relationships going nowhere, blowing my wad on callow young middle-class girls who were never going to screw me twice.
    In the end I got married to a Chinese woman in Asia when she was 35 and I was 40 anyhow (3 years ago).
    Looking at my college buddies who got married at 22 in the Polish Catholic community where I grew up I noticed that 90% of them are divorced and maybe had a sum total of 3 sex partners in their entire life, including the one who they had an affair with that cost them their marriage.

    Expensive divorce.
    No chance of sex with young chicks at 35 when the divorce is concluded because you’ll be the last choice with Freshman girls in the College Meatmarket Bar
    Slightly pathetic sex with call girls at a late age to experience life.
    Custody battles.
    Missing out on backpacking holidays and sewing your oats.
    Every time you did screw some woman in the office who married to young herself you risk her own husband killing you or breaking up two families and getting slayed in Family Court.
    Compromised career because you had to change diapers instead of getting that masters degree.
    Never gave your kids the sort of money or formative education you wanted to because you were too young to afford it (Unless you were born rich)

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