The Past Is An Anchor

It’s tempting to think that you can start over at any moment, just pack up your bags and head to new places, but like a shadow, your past will follow you. Wherever you go and whatever you do, your memories, experiences, and mistakes will never be far behind.

The lives of my parents shaped me as a child, which shaped the teenager I became, which installed the itches I had to scratch as a young adult, which propelled me to notoriety as a grown man, which pushed me to soft exile in a place I myself won’t confirm. In the moment it takes a woman I meet to search for my name on the internet, the entire distillation of my life is presented to her eyes in computerized form. In the seconds it takes a man to connect my face to a name he’s heard before, he sees a frustrated 19-year-old guy who was stuck being friends with girls and nothing more. In the hours it takes a journalist to write a hit piece on me, images flash of a little boy playing by himself, discovering new patterns.

Everything that happens in this moment is anchored to everything that happened before it, and this I can’t escape. A random whim or flight of fancy I once tickled is still with me today, its unexpected repercussions I will never shake. A spontaneous flash of creativity in the past firmly shackles me in the present.

I wonder what it would be like to hit the reset button and start with a new identity, a fantasy that can only come from the mind of a man who wishes to reverse his fame and go back to being a nobody, but this heavy anchor I must lug around with me, even to a tiny village where it would just take a month or two until a local recognizes me. The gossip and the looks and the paranoia follow. You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a meme, one that always stays with you.

When I’m sitting in public, I don’t put my back to the door. I scan every face. By now I can tell when someone knows me, when they’re talking about me, when they’re brave enough to take a picture on the sly. I have a speech ready for when she finds out, and I watch her face carefully as she decides to take it or leave it. I don’t invest time making friends with normal people because they won’t be able to handle what I’ve said in the past. Choosing to be alone more than not stops a lot of surprises, but I’m still ready for a loud knock at the door. If I must go to a new land tomorrow, and leave everything behind, including the little plants that I water every week, so be it.

What have I done?

This anchor weighs on me heavily. I’m squeezed in tight, my body cramps. Why write a new book when it will be burned? Why open a new internet site that will be shut down? Why do a lecture when the hotel will cancel at the last minute? Why open a cute hipster cafe in old age when protesters will show up in front? I wait for something to change, but I know that nothing will. People have their own anchors to deal with than worry about mine.

One day I will burst. I can feel it coming. In a moment of beautiful rage, I will use all my strength and pick up my anchor and lift it over my head and throw it at whatever or whomever I want to destroy. My target will perish, I have no doubt, but attached to my leg is a shackle and chain. I will fly through through the air and be destroyed myself. Everything that happened to me, and everything that happened to my parents, their ancestors, Adam, the first atom, and the whole of the universe will blaze before my eyes. My anchor will explode into 10,000 pieces as my consciousness returns to the source. Finally, I can stretch.

This article was originally published on Roosh V.

Read Next: You Become What You Fight

50 thoughts on “The Past Is An Anchor”

  1. Your life, your past is only an anchor if you let be one. If you are truly a free person, you will consider you life and your success and failures and see a path forward where you utilize a path forward where all your experiences can be benefits. Every failure is a lesson learned or reminder of what you don’t want to be or a place you don’t want to go back to. There is no anchors that hold you down unless yo make them that kind of dead weight. God knows I have a heavy history myself, but as I mull over the entirety of my life, even I surprise myself in how I find uses for my “anchors” as well. Sometimes the mere fact they can keep you grounded when you start floating off into stupidity in action and thought, is the biggest benefit. Not all anchors are stoppers, some are really sanity checks.

    1. Yes, and no.
      Unless a man is an island unto himself, and most aren’t, and could never be, you are influenced by those around you. And, those around you are influenced like never before by the things they see and read online, conveniently from their iPhone’s, smartphones and laptops.
      Anonymity is a degree of freedom that is every shrinking in the United States, where we’ve been brainwashed into the panacea of technology — all information at everyone’s fingertips at all times.
      We were led down a primrose path by the promises of how the technologies since the availability of cheap computing, mobile devices, high speed wireless global networking, and the age of big data would make life a transparent joy — you know everything about everything and everyone, but they also know everything about you.
      It’s a true Pandora’s box for Roosh, you, me and every human being that has a digital fingerprint and presence. The more the matrix knows about you, the less you can be unknown to it. Consequently, you’re a slave to it, enslaved by it, and all it’s agents that see you more as a digital persona than a person. You’re being reduce to a pile of bits, bytes that form characters, that form words and sentences that form thoughts that the world consumes fast food.
      Few, if any will see beyond the digital self the web has created for you to understand you. You’ll be perceived and judged to a level of depth that comes from a speed scanning of bullet point and memes published about you by people with chronic ADD and general lack of ability to comprehend and reason beyond the emotional ranting that surrounds most people like a swarm of killer bees.
      So Roosh, to put succinctly, if fucked, albeit for the foreseeable future. If a time comes when there is a true rage against the machine by humans with a deep understanding of the threat to their freedom from our infrastructure of mass opinion shaped by societal programming and political correctness, then, perhaps, Roosh and others will have an opportunity to fade into obscurity and regain that degree of freedom. Until then, the past is an anchor, a past which will forever be a Google search away.

      1. It’s too late for rage against the machine. AI has taken over. If you check this link below about Facebook’s AI-based suicide prevention technology they’re rolling out, and read between the lines, you’ll see that AI and deep learning is a beast that can only be stopped with an EMP.
        On the flip-side, AI can only simulate what it’s like to be human, so we could adapt our language to be coded with words that it can only take literally and hide our true meaning. But that’s a bit of an effort. For people like Roosh there’s too much out there for the algorithms to discern against him, he’d need facial reconstruction to fool the face recognition software, plus a new birth certificate and identity… and fingerprints and any other identifiers. #1984

    2. Anybody with any kind of education or skill can move to another country if they are a young unmarried man.
      Six months after I moved to Dubai I was marveling at how free I was from this landlord I had a problem with and how little I gave a shit about anything prior.
      Blacks get fucked because they drop out of school with no education or trade and they have a kid at 17 and a criminal record.
      The average white male can move anywhere.
      If you do, you won’t give a shit.

      1. i regret this comment format doesnt allow for editing. i would fix some things that got missed or were made to sound funny. the gist of my comment was our experiences in our lives may have been mistakes or titanic failures, but in looking at them in hindsight, we can realize what our failures taught us and be used as positive benefits instead of laborious negative obstacles to make how we live going foward better smarter and with helpful perspective. For all of the bad shit ive lived through in my life, i came to realize that i have some awesome persistance, self determination, and adaptability. when i learned to shed many artificial socially imposed acceptabilty limitations on conduct, i found being unencumbered by the social window dressing anymore, i get things done much easier and have been annoyed by lecturing virtue signallers much less by ignoring them and their social constraints.

    3. if you are stupid enough to stick your ass all over the internet (which might be justified if you are making money like the kardashians), but apart from that stay offline – why does anyone put themselves online.
      would you hand out copies of your passport and driving license to random strangers ? walk about with a huge print of it on a t shirt – take out a full page add in a newspaper with your life story written –
      no it’s stupid to make a noise online and be yourself .

  2. But you can’t start. Only a baby can start. You and me – why, we’re all that’s been. The anger of a moment, the thousand pictures, that’s us. This land, this red land, is us; and the flood years and the dust years and the drought years are us. We can’t start again.—John Steinbeck, Grapes Of Wrath

  3. That’s why it’s important for this movement to win. If we sway the public against feminism, progressive-ism and the other target pieces then it will be all okay for any one of us who stuck our neck out. History is written by… yeah, yeah, we all know.
    And it looks like that will be the case, Europe is turning Nationalist. Feminism is dying. Beta’s are realising how far off the mark they were white knighting. So take heart.

    1. More than ever I find myself thinking that because feminism has created such awful and truly repressive/oppressive conditions for men that it’s now a certainty that our ranks will only continue to grow. To opt for feminism is illogical as a man. Why support an ideology that brings you down? Moreover, the incentive to seek self improvement has never been stronger. Men will fight back. To me it’s a mathematical certainty.

  4. Roosh, thank you for everything.
    Some years ago i found your websites and also read some of your books.
    I ve learned soo much about life and women.This new knowledge is very valuable for me.

  5. Everything you’ve done will be undone if you go out that way. And what you’ve done has ignited a conversation that’s still continuing.
    Rethink your security arrangements and try for another meetup.

  6. Roosh your one of the three R’s in red pill. You and Rollo helped me understand the true nature of women when I felt fucked over and betrayed by my wife. I understand now that it’s just the way women are naturally programmed. Now, you and Rollo showed me how to take advantage of that and use it to my benefit. Only 2 big eye opening times in my life. First one was when my 1st daughter was born. Second was when I found the red pill.

  7. You’re not the only one facing the total void of marriageable females. It’s an existential crisis we all face. Many men pay the price and don’t even understand the problem.
    Sounds like it’s exacerbated by fame; the notoriety of being an extraordinary man, a leader of the truth movement in an age of satanic deceit. Such a man has much to be proud of.
    I suppose one could change their name and appearance, maybe their occupation. The collective memory recedes with each news cycle.
    The cultural/ethnic conflict does seem to be drawing towards a climax, so everyone on all sides may have to destroy and be destroyed, ultimately. This is what has been wrought for thirty shekels of silver. I take solace that we may all have opportunities for justice when the time comes.

  8. Can always shave, dye the hair, and and change the name.
    In this day the collective memory is pretty dang short. Most of my students weren’t even alive, or barely a twinkie, when 9/11 happened. It’s incredible how fast time moves.

    1. VADER
      I left the US in 99 at age 25 and it is amazing how short memories are of a time when 40 year old men did not work in Taco Bell and white girls did not think it was cool to have babies with black thugs and the biggest political issue was whether Clinton got a blowjob or not.
      The US went downhill FAST in the years I was overseas. Ironically the year 2000 was supposed to the start of utopia.
      I feel sorry for fucking kids born in 1999 or 2000. The 90’s is like the 50’s was to my parents when they were small kids. A halcyon time.

      1. I agreed. We are almost the same age. In the 90’s, or God forbid the 80’s, we never imagined that
        a) single motherhood would be the norm, and happy marriages the exception
        b) A generation of men would grow up as eternal puppies because of no father figures. Seriously, I think you can correlate the decline in males (and females) able to drive stick shift with the rise in single motherhood. Try to find a millenial or younger who can…you almost can’t!
        c) The almost total acceptance of deviance and the normalization of gay “marriage” (which it is not).
        d) The left’s adoption of violence and suppression as a means to “correct” their idea of wrong beliefs.
        e) Faith in God would be replaced by widespread atheism. Even agnosticism is viewed with cynicism nowadays, these atheists have the conviction of true believers. It was normal previously to question or be cynical about your faith of birth, then kind of do a wide circle and ultimately come back to it or something related. But this nihilistic lack of belief in anything but self and money is pretty frightening.

    When I left the United States the first thing I did was tell a landlord that was hassling me to fuck himself. I knew I would never be back.
    There is something completely liberating about not being a townie who is trapped by the circumstances of the 30 square miles that surround them.
    And most people who move to a new country have to adapt to a new situation so they are not dwelling on the past of idiots or failed relationships.
    What is really surprising, for those who move on and then visit once in a while is how little changes for most people. They are born into a set of circumstances and it defines them.
    This is one thing about blacks. Most have kids at 19 and need welfare so they are stuck in the “hood” and can never leave. They lack the initiative to move and so when “White flight” occurs they are stuck in somewhere and it declines because white tax money moves elsewhere.
    So anyhow if you are young and single and move overseas when you are 25 as I did it is amazing how little you care about anything.

  10. LIVING OVERSEAS BENEFITS Detroit Perspective
    There are no minorities overseas. The Aztec Mestizos and Blacks cannot easily shift to Dubai or UK or Asia so this is a weight off your shoulder. You’ll never see them at all.
    Jews don’t live outside their own ethnic state. So you will see few of them overseas and individually they are like other whites anyhow.
    Your past is not an anchor. I told a landlord to go fuck himself as soon as I went overseas and mocked him for being unable to locate me. People you might have had a problem with no longer matter; they cannot travel.
    Depending on your sense of morality if you don’t care about the problems you had and you move 8.000 miles away then they don’t bother you.
    Finally, the problems that face your country no longer concern you. You can focus entirely on yourself. You develop a brand-new perspective. Who gives a shit about Black Lives Matter when you live in Asia?
    Some bitch? Who gives a shit. Women overseas are better fucks anyhow.
    Most people are trapped by the circumstances created by 20 square miles around them. Get away from that and you will feel free.

  11. “…but like a shadow, your past will follow you.”
    Oh yeah!
    Mine doesn’t just follow me.
    If covers me like a giant black cloud at all times…
    But still, I try to do the best I can.
    And keep my sense of humor too.

      So you mean to say that if you left the country the bitch or the petty enemy townies or your relatives would “follow you”.
      Try putting one country’s distance between you and whatever you are surrounded by.
      Here is the reality. You are not as important as you think to the people that have fucked you over. They will soon forget and be doing the same stupid shit they were doing when you left. Townies will never change. They just get old.

    1) If you are white lower middle class from the Rustbelt like Michigan conditions are damn near Third World anyhow. So Dubai or even Southeast Asia is not that great of a difference. It is more violent and dangerous for whites in say, Flint Michigan than it is for them in the supposedly Third World Philippines. Your average Mid-Michigan trailer park in the Third World OR a nice warm bungalow on the beach? I choose the latter thanks.
    If you look at how far the standard of living has fallen since I was a young white man in the Rustbelt in the 1990’s ANOTHER 20 years and the US Rustbelt will look like Bangladesh. Except it is cold.
    As for the past anchoring you if you leave a country at 25 when you have no dependents and no debt and no house it really makes no difference. Within a month or six months you’ll forget. I called a former landlord up and laughed about a bill “I left the US so what are you going to do. You’re trapped in your little micro-economy for the rest of your life with your kids and your bills and your “community” and I am overseas.”
    The reality is that in the end “White Flight” is the bottom line and “Community” is a load of shit. When a city or region fails first the rich will run first and then the middle-class will cut their losses and flee and finally only the blacks are left because they have kids and no money and are not socialized well-enough to go anywhere else. Visit the Rustbelt and tell me about community spirit.

  13. I had a college relationship that broke my heart. Then I went overseas at 25 and started fucking every other nationality under the sun.
    Soon I forgot.
    Years later I heard that the college flame was in Idaho and divorced. Looked her up. She was with her second husband and clearly had not thought of me in 20 years.
    So no matter how much your own heart aches or if you kill yourself the bitch has a vagina and will latch on to some new guy and get the same or better resources/time out of him.
    Therefore you might as well go overseas or somewhere and experience sex with different women and do other sexual things and soon…you won’t give a shit.

  14. dear roosh,
    the truth of the matter is you can start over fresh anytime– today if you want to. that was beautifully poetic but i’m going to give you something more poetic — Jesus Christ died for your sins. the void in your heart that can’t be filled by sex, money, and even red pill can be filled by putting your faith & trust in Him. he will make you new, and every past memory will be a stepping stone on your journey forward.

  15. Hey Roosh, man you’ve grown up on the internet with your following. There’s plenty of fellas here who find great camaraderie in the forums and comments including myself. A lot of us were raised by man-hating feminists who made us feel guilty for being men. Now we’re here. We played a big role in the last election. Many of us are expatriating to go where we are better treated. That’s good.
    My dad bought into the new feminist version of the American dream and was divorced by two women. It cost him probably 100k in his lifetime, and at least 20 years of his life! His daughters are now man-hating feminist liberal losers (my sisters.)
    Thanks to the Manosphere, now, thousands of us men won’t make that mistake.
    Hit me up when you’re in southern california. We’ll shave that beard and tell everyone you’re a famous singer from Mexico.

    1. I meet alot of guys in the Philippines like that. Middle-aged Westerners whose first wife took everything and now they are 50,55 and starting over with what is life after the alimony and the house is left to her and the rest of it.
      Made me thankful that I was an unpopular dick in college who left the US before I married.

  16. At 35+, it all comes down to money in today’s world. And I’m talking real money. Millions.
    If you have it, then you’re a young man with 30+ years of fine dining, sports, travel, massages, top health care and barebacking submissive 18-21 HBBs in your ivory tower.
    If you have it, then you can find a surrogate (Ronaldo style) and sire a couple of sons (with doctors making sure they’re goddamn sons and not daughters) and enjoy giving them 24/7 access to top-notch submissive pussy so they can devote their time and energy to masculine pursuits (e.g. sports, business) as opposed to “running clown game” and helplessly ranting and raving on the internet about Africans, Arabs, Jews and females.
    If you don’t have real money at 35+, you’re an old man. The best is behind you. And realistically speaking there’s not too much ahead. You hesitate to settle down and procreate. Too much risk. Your woman could rape you in court. You could have a daughter. Or a son who–if not genetically gifted with 8/10 looks–will be an SJW, a homo or just another frustrated, disenfranchised cog in this degenerate machine, getting friend-zoned constantly and doing the monkey dance in hopes of scoring an entitled 5/10.
    I speak from the point of view of a man who lived and looked like a demigod in his 20s (pre-smartphone era) and consistently banged quality young white pussy. Nowhere to go but down for a man like me if he hasn’t made it financially, for appearance is dethroned by status at 35+, unless you look like Pierce Brosnan, George Clooney or Brad Pitt, which 99.5% of us don’t.
    For those who spent their 20s jerking off or banging some nasty, obese American sluts, then you can keep saving up for your two-week or one-month stints in South America or SE Asia, having condom sex with the trashy brown destitute peasant stock of the local population and you can consider that heaven. But not me. And not Roosh if all his stories are true.

    1. Pierce Brosnan paid to fish in the Philippines on my Brit friend’s boat and the dude was not a huge ball a fire.
      He’s about 5’11 in real life and narrowly build. He has twitchy mannerisms and touches his face a lot.
      The dude is kind of course looking (He plays sophisticates but he is a rough kind of Irish-American like you’d see in Boston) and always was.

      Opposite danger.
      Most whites in the Philippines end up marrying some woman who is from the middle-class with Spanish blood because they resemble Mexicans.
      Big mistake often times. The WORST mistake is marrying an Immigration Officer or female Cop.
      I knew one female Filipino cop in Cebu that just made a FOOL of this one Canadian who was older. Fucked his friends and their friends and pulled internet scams. She corrupt as hell. She took his passport and he eventually fled the country.
      Another Immigration Cop this German was married to found out from a Filipino woman in Germany that he was fucking a woman back home.
      She handcuffed him to his penis. He had to go to the hospital and have it blowtorched off.
      Alot of guys take the macho “I don’t pay for it” approach in the Philippines. Fine, you are hung like John Holmes and rich by their standards. But any middle-class Filipino woman can take your property, your kids, whatever.
      This is why alot of guys just marry a hooker. Besides, they just want their cock sucked.

      I almost married in college in Detroit. I was heartbroken. So a friend got me a job in Dubai and I spent the rest of my life overseas.
      Now in early middle age at 43 I look back at what would have happened. I would have mortgaged a house in the 90’s whose property value was not shit post-recession.
      The girl was a bitch and would have gotten worse. We would have divorced.
      On a modest salary my kids would have had to go to public school and maybe my daughter would have ended up fellating black student thug athletes in the school library.
      Either way at 43 I’d have lost everything and it would cost me $200 per fuck to do so.
      Having moved to Dubai and fucked many women in the prime of my life I avoided this fate.

      If you left the US as a young man in the 90’s when the market value of the average American white male was still reasonable you could have an entire adult lifetime of sex overseas.
      After 35, you’ll be paying for it.
      Of course some of us settle for a middle-class Asian woman. Our kids will grow up in the booming Asian middle class.
      When I think back to what my life would have been like in Detroit I shudder.
      My grandmother’s house sold for nothing that she bought for half a million back in 86.
      Also, when I talked to friends who followed the traditional route it was the usual. Lost their house, job at risk, property worth shit in a state nobody wants to move to.

    5. Dude you just leveled my morning coffee high with that comment. Now it’s jitters and a vague sense of impending doom. The truth hurts.

  17. Roosh I know what happened to you in Western society is horrible but why would you want to go back to it? I left it years ago cause of you. You help me walk through the door. I do go back sometimes but I don’t want to be in Australia. It’s gone to shit! The East is 100x times better where your bridge is burnt but instead of regretting bro, you should be celebrating!
    Time heals all wounds! Fuck Feminists and Leftists, they will get what is coming to them!

  18. I am from Serbia and I found this site three mounths agoo. I have to say THANK YOU Roosh Valizadeh and all writers on ROK for everything. I am not alone,because I have all of you. We are going to WIN Roosh against everything.

    1. Its the same here. Reading all them incredible articles and all of the comments in the comment section has giving me so much strength, insight, will to power and a totally different approach to life. The best thing has been to read when people but intelligent explanations, words and sentences on what you have been feeling for so long in your life.
      I´m not alone. I have brothers.
      Passion & Hunger. A wolf doesn’t concern himself with the opinions of sheep.

    If you are expatriate male you do not have to give shit about PC in Dubai or Asia (Or Eastern Europe).
    This is the biggest reason not just sex.

  20. Roosh-Im 56 years old. I always knew at a certain level that there were unspoken truths about the nature of relationships that were never addressed in any book/source that I could find. You are ahead of your time in many ways with the concepts you present (and like many pioneers in many areas of life it is normal to face resistance) I feel your frustration as I read this article..but had you never ‘acted’ on your beliefs you perhaps would also have felt ‘unauthentic’…to thine own self one must be true…

  21. The juxtaposition of crude and babyish Matt Forney’s writings with Roosh’s philosophical and maturing insights on life is a glaring one.
    This raging against the machine by the various figures in the manosphere/alt-right movement is only worthwhile if the machine can be broken. It can’t, but in our youth, few recognize that, and we’re not surrounded by intelligent enough elders to explain it to us. Roosh has in effect, by forgoing a bourgeois life, sacrificed himself for many of us, but since there’s no victory, the sacrifice is in vain. To make things worse for the sacrificer, he’s not dead, he’s here, thinking of what-might’ve-beens, thinking of ways out, and being intelligent enough to realize that the options are few, if any.
    Roosh is one of the few within this ersatz “movement” who recognizes the degenerate he himself was, an unwitting product of a degenerate age, as we all are. One simply doesn’t encounter that type of awareness often. However, consciousness without power is a curse, and the exile he’s undergone must exacerbate the feelings of loneliness and despair. I salute him, as do others, but that doesn’t feed him, or give him sons and a decent wife enmeshed within a dignified and peaceful community. Our plaudits alone can’t provide him with what’s been denied so many of us.
    They won’t give you peace in the rotted West, Roosh. Turn to Persia. Embrace Islam as a social force, not a religious one. You’re a leader and a thinker. You’re needed.

    1. “Turn to Persia.”
      Tehran is the nose job capital of the world. That’s a real statistic.
      Persian women wear the headscarf as a fashion accessory and are smeared in makeup and decorated in jewellery like a Christmas tree. Their so-called modesty is illusory and they’re hypersensitive to status and money.
      Pockets of “genuine Islam” can be found in villages and small towns across eastern Turkey, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, but if you don’t belong to a local clan then forget about marrying into one. And the last thing you want to do is export any female to the West, as “it takes a village to raise a child” and curb female hypergamy. Roosh wrote a good article on that topic a few months back.

  22. People say “don’t burn bridges” well that’s all I have ever done in life, burning bridges, and that has helped me concentrate on my self and not be forced to attend a wedding or a funeral every 2nd weekend and I am fine with that. I am better off with 2 good friends in the present than with 20 or 200 in the past.

  23. Daryush, you are a person who has obviously done some deep soul searching and you keep adding to the big picture that is life’s reality. It’s something that causes pain, which is why most people will never go through this kind of effort. As a so called white person, I’m proud to call you my teacher and you are the kind of leader that millions of whites need, so stupid have most whites become in seeing the truth about themselves for what it is.. PEACE MAN. ALL THE BEST.

  24. here in brazil nobody cares if you’re a sycopath or a rockstar, you can still get laid with ease. drope your bullshit and come here

  25. remember 99% of people at least achieve and contribute nothing to the world and have no more influence or importance than the flicker of a lighter. Your haters and many of your followers have as little consequence as a momentary flame in the fire.
    You have to stand up above the parapet and take the hits if you stand for anything. Does anybody politician take them even those arguing only for that which they were told to and the tamest takes massive hits? You are that rare person with guts to take the hits.
    When the fighter jets in ww2 started to take the flack and feel it is their faces thats when they knew they were above the target.
    You are exposing many of the problens of our civilization and it because so few men are brave that we have fallen as we have.

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