Cracked’s Impotent Attack On The Manosphere Is A Sign Of Their Rapid Decline As A Humor Magazine

What happens when a once-great comedy website preaches a sermon against the Manosphere? It’s a disaster like Mark Hill’s “What We’re All Getting Wrong About Pickup Artists” featured on Cracked in 2016. It begins with intemperate insults about our site’s founder, with an ignorant take on the meetup brouhaha. Jabs against our audience (that’s you) soon follow.

And the last thing I want to do is mansplain the appropriate reaction to a hate group that targets women.

You mad, bro? Humor tip: sometimes less is more. The article reads like a movie scene where a black-hatted villain twirls his waxed mustache and ties a damsel to train tracks—but playing it seriously.

No, we don’t hate women. They’re not the enemy, but modern feminism is. Yes, there’s a difference.

What’s the point?

Chi Onwurah thinks Roosh’s penis is small. How would she know? Like he’d ever bang someone even less appealing than Bruce Jenner?

Following that is an inline image of three comments under a headline about “British” politician Chi Onwurah making a “tiny penis” remark. (Dude, is that the best dick joke you can do? What’s this peculiar concern about other men’s packages all about, anyway?) Then:

Now, here are some responses to other stories about men’s rights activists, pickup artists, and their ilk. Not people who make this their profession like Roosh, just the everyday dudes who follow him. The college student who’s striking out at parties, the office IT guy not having much luck with online dating — I could find hundreds of these.

Following that is another image collage of other people’s cherry-picked comments, a frequent shtick of his. He even admits it wasn’t a representative sample.

This graphic is actually funny.

The first error is lumping together PUAs, MRAs, and MGTOWs. They’re not identical and don’t always agree. Although all are concerned about today’s dysfunctional social environment, their responses are significantly different.

More importantly, there’s nothing wrong with guys seeking information to improve their social lives. Really, our game articles are pretty similar to material marketed to women, and sometimes tamer. Nobody clutches their pearls over books like The Rules. Fainting spells don’t happen at the supermarket checkout line over magazines promising a dozen ways to wrap him around your little finger, more sex positions for him to curl your toes better, etc. Game denialists are like crabs trying to pull their buddies back into the fisherman’s bucket.

We’re really unenlightened. (So?)

Our editorial staff (I’m holding the torch)

Then this:

…I used to not be great with girls. I didn’t react to my failings the way Roosh’s followers have, by deciding that all women are slutty, stuck-up, manipulative bitches who need to get in line for my benefit. No, my ineptitude was internalized. I decided that most girls (and most guys) are perfectly lovely people and that there was just something fundamentally and uniquely wrong with me.

Shucks, tell us what you really think! Humor tip: do straw man arguments wittily. Actually, we’re hairy-chested cavemen who consider Ivan the Terrible a bleeding-hearted liberal, we believe professional rasslin’ is real, and our first order of bidness is that the dadgum food should be hot on the table by 4:30. (There, I fixed it.) Wit doesn’t mean channeling the pure, elemental fury of a coffee snob whose venti mocha soy latté is too foamy.

More seriously, we recognize that the Sexual Revolution was a game-changer. The old rules stopped working. Further, although an average woman can hook up easily if she wants, the dating market is tougher than ever for average men. That’s especially so for younger guys (looks like Mark had that experience himself). Therefore, men should do everything legitimately possible to help their dating prospects. Fortunately, there’s a wealth of free information about self-improvement right here. If he’d done a little research—rather than compile other people’s negative opinions—he’d know this.

So, while I always thought MRAs and PUAs were awful people, I understood their frustration and loneliness, because we shared the same low ERA. And make no mistake, these people are frustrated and lonely — behind all their anger and bravado are guys who wake up every morning wondering why they don’t have the partner their friends and family have.

Humor tip: exaggerate correctly. PUAs are lust-crazed Lotharios corrupting the morals of innocent, maidenly bar flies. (There, I fixed it.) Exaggeration above reality works, and so does irony, but not complete implausibility.

Really, PUAs get more pussy than cat shelters. Who’s frustrated here? Merely learning decent game—knowing how the social environment’s real rules work—increases one’s odds greatly. Success isn’t that difficult. I don’t make a career of it, but I’m quite happy with my social life. I didn’t lack for prospects after I was 20. However, my teenage years were awful, before I figured out what works. Some writers here authored game guides benefiting those undergoing dry spells. (Mine is longer than Moby Dick, and I’m selling the keys to the kingdom for the price of a cheeseburger combo.) What have Blue Pill game denialists done for the lonely and dispirited?

Years of involuntary celibacy are soul-crushing. Yes, it gets that bad. Loneliness is a common cause of depression, and certainly a contributing factor to the male suicide rate being four times higher than the female rate. (A few guys even go postal.) The Manosphere has been the most vocal of anyone about sexual marketplace imbalance, frivolous divorces, and radical feminism which helped enable these problems.

Besides drawing attention to that, we’re the ones telling guys how the modern dating scene really works. Improving love lives saves actual lives. That’s more constructive than sneering at those who are suffering.

Who writes that stuff, anyway?

Given all the gratuitous insults, it’s hardly unfair to make some observations about its author. The insufferably smug anti-American barbs in some of his writings are understandable. It’s as commonplace among Canadians of certain political persuasions as Toronto’s frosty weather, and frostier women.

That by itself is unremarkable, but some of his articles are really out in left field. A few examples I read:

He can rag on The Donald as much as he wants, but remember, people like him elected Justin Bieber Trudeau.

As for their executive editor, Jason Pargin (writing under the byline David Wong), he seems cut from similar cloth. Their change in direction is very odd. Cracked is a humor site, but lost its sparkle years ago. The above-mentioned items are prime examples. I figured I’d get a chuckle out of the furry convention writeup at least, but even that was dry. It’s not jokes falling flat; they’re not even there. The closest thing to comedy in the PUA article is bitter hyperbole. That’s not how to skewer targets.

Leftists lost their sense of humor

Even commies once had a funnybone.

Older Cracked pieces actually were funny. They didn’t resemble op-eds from HuffPo or Daily Kos. This seems emblematic of a larger problem. I remember when liberal comedians really had wit. Their movies were better too; there’s no way in hell Blazing Saddles could be made today. Going further afield, Krokodil—the Soviet journal of satire—was pretty popular and relatable to the public. If the Cracked staffers want to go lefty, that’s what they should be doing.

Read More: 5 Uncomfortable Truths About Cracked Magazine

71 thoughts on “Cracked’s Impotent Attack On The Manosphere Is A Sign Of Their Rapid Decline As A Humor Magazine”

  1. I once had an argument with a cuck ( yea I know …it was a waste of time ) about how the REAL man should remove his insecurities and let his woman fuck other guys ! lol
    he said this is the new world and you just have to accept it, respect women needs and MAN UP !!! WTF.
    I just told him that you should chop your dick off…..faggot.

    1. “… and you should be able to fuck as much people as your wife, i guess ?”
      “Do you have to get her permission for that ? Interesting…”

    2. i realize this will be a hated onvious answer, but if the cucks let their wives be banged by all sorts of dick, and they are going to still pay her bills, they lose, the bangers win and society loses because it create a new class of subservient cum eating males, but sends the message that its ok for females to act that way and that ALL males are cucks. And it forces a need to have special laws to protect males who are not cucks so they are not abused by females………
      i see the obvious down side. there is no good that comes from this at all. the femmes have to be set straight with a firm brutal hand because this goes bad quickly for all males in all aspects and in all legal draftings.
      it goes bad for males because it will be expected that all will conform to this new fad. so again the faggot cucks will need a very severe brutal dealing with to set society right that MEN will never sacrifice the role to complete losers that have XY chromosomes who roll over and submit to females.
      this trend is completely suicidal. you survive this only one way, completely destroy the faggotry of going cuck. no choice here, fight to destroy it and resist.

    3. Ok GoM said; do you have a picture of your woman?
      Hm, quite nice. I give her a 6.
      So ok, lets do this – you call her now and tell her that you are ready to remove your insecurities. For this you will bring your old buddy GoM to give her a quality fuck. This will show her and the world that you did MAN UP.
      If she gets pregnant, you will of course take full responsibility for the deed and tell your “almost-children” how you loved to hear when their real dad pounded mom. It was the right thing to do, after all. Thats what real men do in the new world, right!

    4. males like that are full r – selected. They speak that crap because they want an excuse to fuck other mens wives.
      Its the “sneaker fucker” mating strategy. Unconsciously they figure they will dump their bastards on everyone else amd thereby spread their genes via a subversion of the cultural mating norms. Ie cheating the system.
      Remember that, anytime some creep tells you about why “everyone” should do X, and their reason is some pious sounding bullshit, its because they want something from you that they dont have an actual moral right to.

  2. The left can’t meme. Only the counter culture can be funny, you make fun of the status. You make fun of the man thrle system. The mock the rules, you can’t make fun of the establishment when you are the establishment. You can’t mock the rule when you make thr rules. And yet the left think they are the cool hip guy fghting the man and punching fscists haha.

    1. Exactly !
      There are several musicians, celebrities …etc started as anti PC and everyone loved them cause it was controversial ! and that’s how the entertainment industry should be. this is how art should be anti normal to catch people attention.
      Take Eminem for example ( not a rap fan but I get the main idea ), he started his career as talking shit on gays, celebrities and bitches. and it was funny back then.
      Then he became just like the SJW shit by saying trump is racist ! Wowwwww what an edgy comment by the liberal cuck. that’s not funny dude, that’s not edgy……boring.

      1. True! Has anyone ever noticed how the Left’s favorite bumper-sticker meme “Question Authority!” was so popular when they were not “The Establishment”…yet when they were in power, “Question Authority!” became “DON”T Question MY Authority!”

      2. Yeah, the qualities that make men dissident, funny, and alpha are one and the same.
        If you become famous, you join their gang, and you can’t be the alpha any more.

  3. “Chi Onwurah thinks Roosh’s penis is small.”
    Like, that is NOT ok! It totally reinforces offensive stereotypes about Asian men, and I demand that you apologize, Cracked! Do you hear me!
    Seriously, though, Cracked turned into a shrill, scolding echo chamber of Progressive fallacies years ago. Rebranding Dana Carvey’s Church Lady character as an entire writing team of humorless SJWs is not a good formula for a humor magazine, in my opinion. As you can see below, Mark Hill is a male-feminist assembly line standard-model beta pussy who channels his own repressed homosexuality into hatred for men who are sexually successful with women. (You’re not fooling anyone with your tired cliches about who reads ROK, Mark–whether you find the general attitude or lifestyle offensive or not, men who study game tend to get laid. A lot. It’s not that hard. Deal with it.)
    If he has a girlfriend, she doesn’t love him and she does not orgasm while having sex with him. Roosh should offer a prize for the first reader to seduce her and write about how fun it was even though she’s barely a 5.
    But, hey, that’s just me. For those of you who think this dude is totally rad, he just self-published a novel, laboriously described below. Enjoy!
    Confessions of an Average Boy (Actual title and actual jacket copy)
    “Alexander Turner just burned down his high school, but he’d be the first to tell you that he’s actually a really nice guy. Arson’s okay when you’re doing it for love, right? See, there’s this amazing girl named April, but she’s dating this rich jerk named Chet, which is ridiculous because Alex and April had a ton of fun ruining their school’s Late October Costume Dance and sneaking into a hipster bar and doing everything else pop culture taught Alex that boys should do to win over girls. But Chet’s part of a yacht club and drives a BMW, and how’s an everyday, down-to-Earth guy supposed to compete with that?
    So he committed a felony, obviously. Okay, there was a little more to it than that—his heart was broken, his fellow students made him an outcast just because he happened to completely ruin a couple parties, and his friends were being total jerks for what he swears is no good reason. But seriously, he’s just a regular dude, as his own confession will happily explain to you. I mean, what other possibilities are there? That he actually doesn’t have a clue how to treat girls properly? That his entire story is a downward, self-destructive spiral of someone entranced and misled by the toxic modern attitudes towards love that young guys are taught? That Alex and April aren’t star-crossed lovers, and that he’s just a dumb, self-centred teenager who’s fumbling his way through misguided attempts to get in her pants? Of course not. He’s just an average boy.”

    1. That’s quite a novel blurb there… What’s with the name “Chet”, anyway? Surely it’s actually Chad Thundercock! I gather that the point is “take everything you’re doing wrong, double down on it, and enjoy the perpetually single life you deserve.”
      Some of my own novels contrast a game-aware ‘natural’ with his clueless friend. (The Final Falafel and Walking the Planck are a good examples of that.) Those scenes are fun to write.

    2. Not that dick length has any gravity in the collecting of notches. A dozen bangs might mean you have a famous cock in your circle, but hundreds of bangs means you have game, and a man’s actions and attitude that get a woman to hop on the good foot and do the bad thing, not the size of his dick (unless, as noted, said man has a famous cock).

      Dick size is just the first thing women attack. Maybe they’re projecting their inadequacy.

      1. Insinuating that a man has a small dick is totally progressive, whereas insinuating that women has a giant, gaping vagina? Not so much, I’m guessing.

  4. Who cares about Cracked? They spent 2016 trying to convince their college- age audience to switch from Bernie to Hillary.

  5. Article is too defensive.
    You’re trying to persuade the progressive left and counter their points with logic, when you should be mercilessly mocking them and pointing out their inferior manhood.

    1. Ha! You are correct Sir! And I just wrote the same thing below! This site has been waaaayyy to conciliatory in general… Time to be absolutely biting and brutal!

  6. Cracked is a poor copy of Mad, which barely rise above the level of toilet paper in its heyday.
    Why stoop to even recognize them? They are beneath ROK.
    I read it decades ago, in grade school. It was childish then too. For college age kids? Only the mentally disabled ones.

    1. Agree totally. When I was a pimply faced teenager (the 80’s) I devoured Mad Magazine, so to speak, but one time they were sold out so just the once I settled for a Cracked. My disappointment was as that of a starved Ethiopian biting into a wax apple. And now it appears that they have gone downhill from even that low low standard. I pity the fools.

  7. Cracked stopped being funny or interesting a long time ago. At one point- up until 4 or 5 years ago- it was worth 10 minutes of one’s free time every day. Besides the genuinely funny, it’d have stories like “5 Celebrities You Won’t Believe Were Badass Soldiers,” where I learned that James Doohan of Star Trek was shot six times at Normandy.
    Now every article seems to follow the formula ” 5 Reasons Trump/Guns/Christianity/Masculinity/Conservatism/U.S. Are Ruining the Planet,” and the videos are SoyBoy diatribes against all of the above. The editorial staff are aware of the criticism, but assert that they treat everyone the same. Sure they do.

  8. I always thought Cracked was just a pale imitation of Mad. I never bought a single issue of either, only seeing issues bought by friends. I haven’t even heard them mentioned in decades. I thought they were defunct. The site itself is just a SJW insider’s joke of irrelevance with every story titled: “5 Things They Forgot To…”, “6 Ways That….”” on and on.

  9. I don’t remember the date, but it was well before 2016 that Cracked got converged. I do remember the story was something about “4 Things Hollywood Always Gets Wrong” written by a woman (I should have known right then), and all 4 were textbook feminists complaints, especially about the horrors of “older man younger woman”, and, of course, there wasn’t a damn thing funny in it.
    But what struck me more was the dire sucking up and “I totally agree!”-ing the comments, along with the gang downvoting of any comment that was even slightly negative. I had felt the Cracked commenters were at least a little bit cynical, but they turned out to be horde of completely spineless cucks.

  10. Used to read Cracked when I was in like high school, before it went to utter shit. I literally remember the day where I deleted it from my toolbar. Fuck em

  11. Looks like I’m late to another party. By the time I found the Cracked site, it wasn’t long before I was reading everywhere how much it sucks now. It use to be funny, but isn’t anymore. The same with YouTube, and the internet itself, for that matter. They use to be cool, but suck now.
    That aside, this piece is the best I’ve read at Return Of Kings in a long time. Great summation: “….knowing how the social environment’s REAL rules work- increases ones odds greatly.” And you just can’t top this one: “Game denialists are like crabs trying to pull their buddies back into the fisherman’s bucket.”
    Which has got me thinking of an image fitting to all those feminist sluts out there, gaming men: dipping a piece of meat into the Amazon, then letting all the mindless little piranha fall into their friend, or cuckzone.

  12. Cracked staff sounds like garden-variety feminists and soy-bois.
    I sent them link to check out this article and comments, and get some insight into how real men act and talk.

  13. That is one uuuuuuuuuugly woman. I’m not why it put on lip stick. Perhaps to let everyone know where her mouth is.
    She hates the manosphere? No way, must be pure coincidence that she also happens to look like a donkey and a chimp had a baby.

    1. I hope that is a CGI creation. To paraphrase Blackadder, they say mankind is created in God’s image: It’d be a sad lookout for Christendom if the almighty looked anything like that.

    2. The Cracked author was mentioned saying ‘all people are basically good’ or something. The ‘lady’ in that picture is the kind of person I have to forget exists in order to reach even basic arousal.

  14. Going on a bit of a tangent, when I view human history, women were generally in charge of the inner domain, and men the outer.
    As men became incredibly successful in taming the outer domain and made it safe, it became part if the inner domsin, so the domain of women expanded, while that of men shrank.
    Men in general defer to women when it comes to the inner domain, this is why it has been so easy for feminism to take hold in so many spheres, even though the whole thing is based on idiotic premises and is the viewpoint of a minority; men are simply not programmed to resist women in domestic matters and generally try to assist them in the inner domain no matter how irrational the demands.
    Maybe its bs, but just a perception I have.

  15. The election made me realize just how profoundly effective humor is on shaping public opinion.
    The left had a monopoly on satire for years and it worked wonders. While you may detest his politics, I would argue Jon Stewart’s Daily Show did more for the Democratic party than any politician could. He mercilessly mocked the Right, but not in a hateful way. Much worse. He made the right look stupid and silly. And he was really good at it. Now leftist comedians/satirist are angry, mean spirited, and take themselves way too seriously for comedy.
    Liberals have turned into self-important narcissist. Meanwhile, the Right learned to laugh at themselves as well as mock the ridiculous self absorbed sad sacks on the left and that changed everything.

    1. Well, the US has had a history of right-wing church lady busybodies getting all in your business, your bedroom and your videogames and trying to control your life and ban Rock N’ Roll for being the devil’s music. Easy targets for the left to mock with their oh-so-edgy shock humor.
      Now, it’s the commie/globalist progressives that try to regulate your speech and your life and ban everything in the name of PC and muh trigger warning, and the alt-right are the cool and subversive movement that fights for freedom.
      And so the pendulum swings.

  16. ALL men who wife up single moms should be shamed on this site . The most blue pill act of man is to take on a used up worthless single mom . Pump and dump is acceptable . Society will never change is we don’t shame these blue pill gorging beta cucks

    1. Dude, I disagree, but I get your sentiment. The Bible tells us to take care of the widowed and the fatherless. Not all single moms were unfaithful, just most of them are now.

        1. Naw, it’s easy. A single woman with a kids is usually willing to tell you why she’s single the first you ask. If she tells you it’s complicated, you imply fake-insult–that she thinks the details are too complicated for you. You get the truth up front. Works like a charm.

          It’s not even so uncommon. Fathers die every day.

      1. SHow me the Bible passage where it says to take on a widows kids ? It only refers to the dead man’s brother to do so not an unrelated beta schmuck

        1. Not take on. Correct. But that’s not what I said. “Take care of,” or see to, or check in on. As a man, you have a lot to offer a fatherless child or widow without marrying into that situation. And I add, it’s not red pill to pump and dump a single mom. If she’s looking for a man, you’re just going to mess her up emotionally worse if she thought that was you. You know the verse about how a divorced woman will only become an adulterer.

  17. Speaking of impotent attacks I have seen 10 of my comments deleted over the past week but now the writer of this article is free to say “Chi Onwurah thinks Roosh’s penis is small” ??? The only way to solve the left scourge is MOCK it, not with violence but with absolute vitriol, and yes, vicious reprove! Identify the crap left and all its products, candidates, and shills… then ridicule, defund, and boycott it until it disappears. Damn these shitheads to the Hell they crave!

  18. That Luke McKinney “Sexist Superhero Costumes” article was the straw that broke the camels back for me, and a lot of Cracked readers I suspect. At first I thought it read “sexiest costumes”, and it would be somewhat ironically amusing… but no suck luck. It was wahh-wahh SJW craybaby dribble from beginning to end. At the time it was published (2010 IIRC) the article received a shitload of negative comments; but if it came out today, I reckon it would receive none, as any non-SJW readers fled Cracked years ago.

  19. Throw that bitch’s mug on a T.
    “Chi Onwurah thinks Roosh’s penis is small, and all I got was this fuck-ugly T-shirt.”

  20. There are two critical elements to great comedy:
    1. It has to contain an element of truth.
    2. It has to actually be funny.
    Cracked seems to be neglecting both.

  21. Ok so Cracked has leaned to the left for the entire time I’ve been aware of it, but sometimes I miss the old Cracked- the Cracked that was entertaining and somewhat informative. I’ll say the pre- 2012 cracked, though the SJWs had probably hijacked it before then. Once in a while I’m tempted to check it out and see if they’re still pandering to the tumblr crowd, but I don’t want to contribute to their site’s traffic if they are, which it seems is the case. They’ve gone from being the bargain basement version of Mad magazine to the bargain basement version of HuffPo. That’s sad.

  22. Yes. You fucking do hate women. Pretending to “train” them, pretending to strip them off their rights, pretending that all rape claims and cases of harassment are hoaxes and pretending that they don’t have a right to a career even if they worked hard to achieve one. All of these are ideas I’ve found here.
    No feminist site claims to turn men into walking utilities with an ID card, as you assholes would love to do to women.
    Everything the Jerkosphere does is an endless hating on women and a plea for turning them back into second rank citizens.

    1. Shhh. Soon the revolution will come and we will sell you and all your sad, frustrated sisters at an auction naked and in chains, and then an actual man will properly train and tame your out of control nature to his tumescent pulsating, dominant will.
      In the meantime, be patient.

  23. I love how the author of this article really doesn’t get it, replying to: “PUAs are mostly lonely people who wonder every morning why they are alone while others have successful relationships” with “But we get so much pussy, so your argument is invalid!” That’s not the argument. Of course PUAs ‘get pussy’. But that’s exactly why everyone else feels sorry for them. ‘Getting pussy’ is the most unfulfilling, meaningless life endevour anyone with an understanding of human nature can imagine. Which is exactly why someone who makes this their sole priority is bound to wake up lonely, empty and wondering why they don’t feel fulfilled – despite and because of the hot one night stand in bed with them.

    1. Pussy by itself is worth very little on its own. Like a wandering horse, or an unpastured acre of land, a female human is effectively useless and for the most part pathetic. Even discounting her poorer reflexes, ungainly balance, total cowardice and of course her completely inferior intellect, the female is also by nature a slave with a slaves mentality.
      However, with proper training by a strong willed man, the female human, like the horse and land, can be cultivated into the most useful of assets. Of course, this requires a man to have a steady hand and a strong mind.

  24. “So, while I always thought MRAs and PUAs were awful people, I understood their frustration and loneliness, because we shared the same low ERA. And make no mistake, these people are frustrated and lonely — behind all their anger and bravado are guys who wake up every morning wondering why they don’t have the partner their friends and family have.”
    Really? Fucking stupid. My wrinkly, balding 45 year old ass wakes up every day next to my beautiful 27 year old fiancee.
    That is the truth, and it’s largely because of the things I have learned right here and other places in the manosphere.

  25. I remember many years ago when Cracked was a fun place to be in. Where Clickbait was entertaining and articles were educational and informative.
    I remember one of the first signs of the times to come was when Cracked hired David Sargent – right from the start he was a rabid and retarded piece of shit who couldn’t stop rage-wanking onto his keyboards about all the “modern ills” of society and all those -isms along with an excessive amount of expletives. Nothing funny, nothing entertaining, just a raving lunatic vomiting his views on everyone who clicked on whatever article he wrote. Then came that diversity quota hire Christine Young, who, bless her, tried to be funny and witty but came off staler than hard tack. I remember everyone was complaining about how boring and stiff her articles were.
    Come all the numale cucks racing towards a certain emotionally manipulative whore’s rescue because she was caught whoring herself out to Five Guys for awards for her powerpoint presentation of a “game”, and Sargent apparently willing to ghostwrite in her stead and David Wong willing to peg himself on her behalf and all the cracked articles pouring out scathing rebuttals of how evil gamers are, Listen and Believe, etc. and that basically signaled out loud the halfway mark of Cracked’s death spiral for all to see.
    RIP original cracked, your articles were a genuine pleasure of mine to peruse.

  26. I used to buy Cracked when MAD magazine was sold out. It was ok, but never as funny. Now it’s just stupid. I don’t think it will last long in the overcrowded field of lefty loony online pubs.

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