To Get A New Girl In Bed, Peel Off Her “Public Self”

The following is a sponsored article from Girls Chase.

Greetings, Chase again. In my last article for Return of Kings, we discussed why to limit talk time with women you chat up or date. Unless you are talkative (and most guys aren’t), it’s easier to let the woman do the talking… and you do the evaluating.

In this article, part 2 of 4 in my series in advance of my new course “One Date”, we’ll continue to keep you in the ‘evaluator seat’. Yet the evaluation we’ll aim for this time is a bit different.

Every girl you meet has a mask on when you meet her. Call that her ‘public self’. She wears that mask out in public. However you meet her, it’ll be in public. The mask is for her audiences: you, her friends, her teachers and bosses, the general public of strangers all around her.

It doesn’t matter how you meet a girl. You can meet women…

  • Through your social circle
  • While you’re out running your errands
  • Via nightlife
  • Via a dating app on your phone

However you meet her, the first thing you’ll see is her public self.

Public selves come in different flavors. They can be haughty and bitchy. Or cliquish and disinterested. Many of them are sweet, considerate… and wholly asexual.

The one thing all public selves have in common is that they make women seem like either a.) asexual beings, or b.) ‘safely’ sexual beings… i.e., the sort that flirt with men for fun, yet never put out (cockteases).

If you want to get out of the asexual sphere, and successfully bed a girl, your first order of business is to get off her mask.

Past Her Public Self

Public selves are great for the public. Most men like them. All those guys who chase bitchy, haughty girls in nightclubs and on Instagram? They LOVE these girls’ public selves. How about when you fall for a sweet, pure girl, even before you know her very well? It is her public self you fell for.

What’s her real self like? It could be similar to the mask she wears in public. It might be wholly different. Every girl’s ‘unmasked self’, however, has things in common with every other girls’…

  • It’s flawed, imperfect, and makes mistakes
  • It’s sexual (and likes sex)
  • It’s fearful (and worries and frets)
  • It’s unsure about if it’s doing the right thing

These are things a woman has to hide. They’re not socially acceptable. They harm her social value, and attract undesirable individuals. Shlubby, dangerous men who view her as an easy, discardable whore. Ostracization by her peers, who view her as skittish, loose, or uncool. All this is avoided with a prim, proper, asexual public self.

new girl in bed public self

She’s just a chick. Of course, in public, she must keep up appearances.

The dating process, to large extent, is about familiarizing a woman enough to you to drop her mask around you. Once the mask is gone, you see her real self. More important: once the mask is dropped, she behaves like her real self – and indulges in all those improper things with you she can’t with men who only know the public her.

The Man With The Magnifying Glass

Last time we talked about probing women on their answers. She says she’s from Nantucket, you ask her why she moved here from Nantucket. She says it’s because there’s no future in Nantucket, you ask if she’s found the future she came here to seek.

As you dive into a woman’s background, you’ll learn more about her. Her public self does not extend into dreams and motivations. As you get into these, she reveals who she is – beyond her public poses. Once this starts to happen, you’ll want to do two things:

1. Approve of ‘real self’ aspects of herself she shows you
2. ‘Cut the bullshit’ on public self things she does

This might sound tricky… but it’s not. I’ll give you an example.

Say you talk to a girl who’s a waitress. And you ask her why she’s a waitress. And she says she loves to help customers and the job seemed like a fit. Bullshit answer, right? It’s a public self answer. All you have to say is “Yeah, okay. What’s the REAL reason you’re a waitress?”

When you cut the bullshit like this, what you really say is “I don’t care about your public self. I want to see the real Stacy Harper [or whatever her name is].” And if she likes you, she’ll tell you.

She will behave a little fearful and unsure as she tells you. You’ve taken her mask off, and she does not know how you’ll react.

When she shows you her real self, you simply approve. You don’t have to agree with her real self. You’re not going to agree with 100% of anyone else’s ‘real selves’. People adopt public masks for precisely this reason: to hide less agreeable aspects of themselves to not get disapproval from others. You don’t have to approve of the details of her answer; what you approve is the realness of the answer.

new girl in bed public self

Looks stuck up? Run her through the filter. She may be more fun than she appeared.

If Waitress Stacy tells you the real reason she became a waitress is because she couldn’t find a job after graphic design school and it was either go home or take any job she could to stay in town and keep applying to design firms, you approve. “Ah, I see. Now THAT’s interesting! What is it about graphic design you love?”

You may not approve of her career choice. You may think she should’ve gone home and applied to jobs online. It doesn’t matter… what’s important is to approve of the FACT that she opened up to you. The details aren’t important. The opening up is.

If you’re a detail-oriented guy… something to chew on: as you get to know her more, you will find out more and more about her. Often the things you find out later will gel with you a lot more than stuff you find out at front. Verbal language is an inefficient information transfer medium; it takes time to get the good stuff out.

The Better Part Of Valor

The other aspect to bringing out her real self is discretion. No matter how much of a charmer you are, if you force her to expose her real self in a public way, she’ll ditch you. This is why if you get sexual with a (properly primed) girl one-on-one where no one can see, she’ll get into it… but if you get sexual with her in public in front of her friends, she’ll act like an asexual prude and blow you off.

This applies to all aspects of her real self. If you want to get her public self mask off, you must do it in a non-public way. Here are some ways to do that:

  • Intimate date locations (like a quiet café) where no one can see or hear you
  • Moving her to sit with you away from her friends in bars or party venues
  • Pulling her to a park or a coffee shop if you met her in public (shop, street, transit)
  • Catching her in the hall instead of in the middle of the office or classroom

Think about it this way: if there is an audience around to watch, she will put on a show that appeals to the majority of the audience. Even if she knows you dislike her public self, and approve of her real self, if most of the people around her want to see her public self, she’ll be her public self.

Control the audience, and you control which side of the girl you see. Get her somewhere more intimate with you – where it is just you and her – and you make it easy for her to let her guard down with you.

Showing Her YOUR Real Self Too

You are also operating with a public self mask on. A big part of the courtship dance is about two people systematically lowering these masks to one another.

Flirtation is poking fun at a woman’s public self. When you tell her “Geez, I can’t take you anywhere”, for instance, you are either making fun of her public self (e.g., for acting haughty) or telling her her real self is showing (e.g., if she does something clumsy). Connection is about her sharing her real self and you sharing some of yours. Sex is the ultimate real self act (well… usually).

So let’s show you how to do this.

I have an information-packed video for you to check out just below. It’s on a phenomenon called ‘attitude similarity’ – which again, is one of these “sounds more complicated than it actually is” sorts of things.

The cool thing about similarity is the more a woman feels like your and her attitudes align, the more she opens herself up to everything with you. The other parts of the courtship – like her following your lead, or allowing you to turn her on – are dependent on similarity. If she does not feel similar to you, she will not follow you, and will keep her sexual shields raised.

Build similarity, and you reduce these defenses. She opens up, feels comfortable, and allows you to lead her… then, turn her on.

So have a watch of this video I’ve got for you over on Girls Chase (my website). It’s the first of four videos I’ll roll out over the next week or so. In this one, we talk what kind of similarity to build, and a couple of the more common mistakes men make, with both similarity and dating in general.

Once you start to build similarity this way, you’ll form quick connections with women – which makes everything ELSE you do with them a whole lot easier. Give it a watch:

Chase Amante: the One Date that gets her

Check out my video on how to use similarity to bring down women’s guards.

Watch My Free Video To See How To Build The Right Kind Of Similarity

And I’ll talk with you again soon, right here on ROK, in Article #3.

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35 thoughts on “To Get A New Girl In Bed, Peel Off Her “Public Self””

  1. This entire article reads like you just finished reading your copy of the “The Game” by Neil Strauss. Bad news, like that book this information is also out dated.

    1. “Bang” is incredibly outdated. It’s delving into a game landscape from the late 2000s. Before smartphones, Tinder, Bumble, “Me Too”, “manspreading” hysteria, and all kinds of other things were nonexistent.
      It was basically catered to the youngest Gen X’ers (like Roosh) and the eldest Millennials, who grew up to their late 20s or even a bit beyond without all that stuff.

    2. That advice he gave is timeless. It’s human psychology which never changes essentially only the trimmings and superficial elements change. If you can’t pick through the article and apply it in a modern setting that’s on you.

  2. All “game” is dated.
    Game is a social fiction of savvy marketers circa 2005, packaging up old ideas a somehow new and novel approaches to pick up girls, ranging from full-on douchery to deep psyops styled mind fuck game.
    There are no secrets to meeting and banging girls, other that like anything else, practice makes perfect. There’s too much variation in women (age, culture, religion, politics, upbringing, belief system, experiences, etc) to keep looking to formulaic approaches to bed them. However, by picking up and bedding at least 30 different girls, you’ll see a large enough sample size to draw your own conclusions — both on what makes women tick, and what’s going on with yourself to maximize your ability to bed them.
    Now, that’s what game currently is, if a man stays current in his practice of meeting and banging them, regardless of how the manosphere, books, or blogs define game.

      1. If you have one key that opens many locks it is called a master lock, if you have one lock opened by many keys you have a shitty lock.

        1. Cute analogy. Sadly for you, it only works in a world where the vast majority of people (both men and women) are keeping themselves for marriage. But in a societly full of promiscuous men, how on earth do you expect to have a majority of women who are not promiscuous?
          Statistically, the only thing that most of you will get is a “lock” who will lie that you are her second boyfriend. And while the lie disgusts me, the “good key/bad lock” guys deserve it, so it’s poetic justice.
          And even if you want to marry a girl from a foreign country where “women are more traditional” – you’ll probably be getting a non-traditional one, because marrying a foreigner is not something a true traditional woman would be likely to do.
          A man who sleeps around for years and marries a virgin is an exception, not the rule.

      2. Never said it was bad for a woman to bang over 30 guys. If that’s your position, the so be it. I’m merely talking about game, and what it really is.
        Keep your thoughts sorted and stay on top if you’re replying to my reply. Artists who paint to with too broad a brush paint big stripes rather than works of art.

      3. I guess it would boggle the mind of a feminist since those are feminist rules. Allow me to introduce you to the real world; 1. Women like powerful men who can have as many women as he wants. All she cares about is stepping in front of the next bitch in line and intercepting the cock. Tried and true. Flip side; men do not care if the woman he is interested in can have whoever she wants. He just wants his type. 2. Men are not attracted to women who have been stretched by every other guy in the circle. Hence; a promiscuous woman will eventually lose respect for the man who settled for the roast beef even if it is her own. You can knit pussy hats until your fingers fall off but these laws will never change.

        1. The law you forgot to mention another rule – women lie to men like you when asked how many previous boyfriends she has had. And you deserve it.
          Hell, I’ve even met a girl from a conservative region who maintained her virginity and her reputation by having anal with married men (technically she’s a virgin, and married men won’t talk). I sure hope she marries a man like you. And I definitely hope you end up with a woman like her.

        2. You forgot to mention another rule – women lie to men like you when asked how many previous boyfriends she has had. And you deserve it.
          Hell, I’ve even met a girl from a conservative region who maintained her virginity and her reputation by having anal with married men (technically she’s a virgin, and married men won’t talk). I sure hope she marries a man like you. And I definitely hope you end up with a woman like her.

      4. Women only want men other women want. They also despise inexperience in a man. Their ego and entitlement demands a confident superior man with much experience that can make wild sluts like herself purr.
        A wise man knows that a woman that has been defiled by many cocks is disloyal, untrustworthy and generally of poor value. You want to be treated by your man like his only queen in the world yet your body has been plundered by numerous princes. No self respecting king could do such a thing.

        1. men shouldnt root about in a pigsty to find a keeper to take home….ever.
          and if he is, he wouldnt undertsand anything i would advise anyway. so no loss there either. good herding dogs can walk on the backs of their herds, so if your walkway includes eye level to everyone elses asshole, you arent even in my atmosphere. i see sheep ears and horizons not seas of winking black holes.

  3. Women in general care a lot about what society thinks about them, hence the importance of avoiding being called a “slut”.
    I have noticed that women who are ashamed of their past aren’t likely to tell you their number. Even if you frame the question in a non-judgemental tone. Virgins and kissless girls (I have met quite a few, mind you, they were teens) were quite open about being inexperienced.
    What I want to say is that if you can convince a girl that you aren’t judging her behaviour before you met her, but also during the stages of dating, she is likely to comply to your dirtiest wishes.

  4. all girls are prude in public and whores in the bed, and those girl claiming that they love slow smooth sex like a soap opera sex is a liar, that´s a social construct, the more intense, longer, multiple orgasm with loud screams and intense spasm came from enthusiastic, fast pacing, strong, rough sex. All women love it and those who claim otherwise, hate to love it, because they do. Yeah yeah I don´t love that kind of sex, well your body being posses by an orgasm demon in need of a cock exorcise says otherwise. All women public self is a prude virginal image, but all woman are sexual beings with stronger needs of sexual relief than men. Men can masturbate and alleviate the tension, women NEED the cock that´s why masturbation is nothing to them and the cock carousel is so prevalent.

        1. Meet one man, and you’ve met them all: All equally terrified of smart women, hateful toward women they can’t control, and obscenely comfortable with blaming all women for their problems.

        2. Smart women usually means smug she-beasts who think they know it all with their gender studies degree, a job title of “diversity officer” in the HR department and $7 lattes.
          An out of control woman = a neurotic, xãnax pill popper with 3 personality disorders and at least 1 abortion.
          If women don’t want to be a problem, they should remove themselves from the workforce and other areas that men build and maintain.
          A married man with a kid on the way
          How many buns have come out of your oven? Or are you still “finding yourself”?

        3. And that’s why they name hurricaines after women’s names. Because they screw you round and round in big circles. But you don’t complain when you getting BLOWN BIG TIME!!

        4. Zero, because the last thing I need as a captain in the military is children. Nor do I want them. I devote 1000% percent of my daily energy to my troops and I’m proud of what I’ve done to lead them. That is literally all I need and I give exactly zero shits that you think the fact I’ve had no children somehow makes me less of a woman. I’m more than woman enough for my husband.
          Oh, and most smart women are like me, despite your stupid fucking stereotype.

        5. 1 out of 4 American women are on mood swinging drugs. The same can’t be said for American men.
          How much did the U.S. military have to lower its testing requirements to grant you the title of commander, let alone being in the military? It will always hang in the back of your head and the heads of all women that the only reason they’re in the military is because the armed forces relaxed their requirements and retarded their training just to meet a gender quota. Just like it should always weigh on your conscious that if shit ever hit the fan in an armed conflict, the enemy and the men you “lead” could easily hold you down and have their way with you in primitive lust.
          Smart women don’t replace family with careers, and you may not care what I think of women who choose to be childless, but your biology will beat you down over your barren womb. Just wait.

      1. Intimidated by smart women? The only truly intelligent and intellectually curious women I’ve ever known were born long before WWII. None of them are with us now. Many women may score high on IQ tests and/or have high GPAs but try having a rough and tumble high level debate with any of them. They either aren’t interested or will revert back to their feelz over reelz positions on the subject at hand. When I want some real intellectual exercise I’m lucky at my advanced age to have a few good pals left. If and when we argue none of them will pout over a disagreement of this or that. We can have a few laughs over a few beers and still be dependable friends. Try, just try doing that with a modern woman.

        1. To add a bit of fuel to token women in the military, “smsrt, strong woman” is leftist code for angry lesbian.
          Lots of men would adore such a unicorn of a woman, but alas, all they can find are donkrys.

  5. whats wrong with me for hating this? does it mean everyone who does it to me does it poorly? or is it to do with me?

  6. who really has time to play dolls with women who play fucking games? they can’t be real from the outset? really, WTF?
    GROW up guys life is too short to play stupid games with women who wont give a shit 3 days from now about you. if they cant be real up front, you are walking into a trap any wyas that will end badly. getting your dick wet should not be the reason why you wasting your time and money on thots. playing the game is blue pill, playing the larger important game is where alphas should living….unless they are really just blue pill playas misappropriating a label.

  7. “Shlubby, dangerous men who view her as an easy, discardable whore”
    I’m no shlub or bum, but i still view western females as easy, discardable whores.

  8. How long did you serve in the military? It’s funny, because I’ve been in for 9 years and have met tons of career military women, none of whom have been “angry lesbians” lol.

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