I like to eavesdrop on folk’s conversation from time to time. I pay attention to their use in terminology, the subject matter, maturity in their tonality, etc. It’s often them bouncing back-n-forward off one another with goofy replies and overall general silliness. That, or it’s them gossiping and bitching. Men included in all of that.
I find it rather repugnant when men perpetuate gossip or sit around bitching about work or, even more vulgar, another person. It strikes me as unmanly and adopts the more feminine of qualities. Men today may chat about sports, women, or some other minuscule thing instead of local politics or philosophy. I’m not trying to come off as some conversation supremacist; however, I do find I can hold a good chat, with grit and substance, far better than your average Joe.
So, here are six ways to become a better conversationalist, in my opinion.
1. Take Yourself Out Of The Conversation
While one need not adopt another’s position or worldview, it may be obvious that in many conversations, it’s this I’m-right-you’re-wrong! scenario. And even if the facts are on your side, not everything needs to be a debate.
I’ve enjoyed some wonderful conversations with folks whose minds are so open and free that they totally took me by surprise. I had no idea what to think of them because I was this little liberal atheist shit with my tunnel-vision. I’ve since become somewhat more spiritual and clearly right-winged in my political, philosophical, and intellectual evolution. But I was challenged on many occasions and, for whatever reason be, I kept going back at it.
And I find not always feeling the need to be right on everything, and to simply listen to another human animal and their experiences and their worldview, is actually a trait many lack these days. In order to be a conversationalist, one must not act as a protectionist. Allow your mind to open and take in what another espouses without always going on the defensive mode. Trust me, you’ll be okay.
2. Embrace The Uncomfortable
Challenge yourself to embark on a journey of talking to folks you may disagree with. Vehemently even. I recall times when I felt so challenged and my entire worldview seemed placed before me… then smashed to bits. This is both in terms of religion/spirituality and politics.
Now, there’s no need to get so heated a brannigan breaks out. I find this a helpful pathway if one desires to become a better conversationalist because, even if for a moment, it may widen your worldview. My political, philosophical and intellectual journey could simply not be possible if I remained in my little world through a crafted echo-chamber. That came with time, effort and challenge after challenge. And now, I embrace anyone who genuinely challenges my worldview, whether spiritually, culturally or politically.
3. Hesitate Before Responding Back to Someone
Take a moment and listen to how quickly people respond to their conversation partner. I always take time before responding. I’m not sure if it’s on purpose or natural to me because I’ve done it for so long. It’s not a race. When one is a good conversationalist they take in deep what the other says, then chews it over a moment. I find one can hone their skills by trying this out.
One reason a person may quickly respond, or already have their sentenced formed and about to go before you’ve fully finished your line of dialogue, is because you’re still on the defensive and are wanting to revert back to the me-versus-you mindset. Avoid it.
4. Limit Your Gossip And Feminine Talk
If you get the chance, listen to what other men are talking about. A lot of times it’s just dribble. I understand human nature and that we cannot always chat about politics, religion, or philosophy. I just happen to find those the best of conversation pieces when I’m talking with someone man-to-man.
There’s a fine difference between having a discussion about another person or their weak character compared to sitting around continuously taking jabs at them. I once listened to several guys rant on about another man who, by his very nature, is awkward and slower than most. I find that pretty damn repulsive.
5. Limit Your Sarcasm
I enjoy the occasional use of sarcasm; especially the kind that isn’t so easily noticed due to your tonality. But tonality certainly plays its part and, unless you’re autistic in that fashion, the average bloke with pick up on it.
When I think of the overuse of sarcasm, men like Kyle Kulinski or Cenk Uygar come to mind. Liberalism and sarcasm seem to breed bitched-tongue men. Avoid it because sarcasm is not a trait I’d consider positive to be associated with. I find it, often times more than not, immature and annoying.
6. Learn To Cuss With Style
I’m sure many have heard folks compare one who cusses like a sailor to being ignorant. Well, some of the brightest men I’ve conversed with cuss like sailors. But, on the flip side, I’ve been in the presence of those who do cuss like sailors and are rather dumb in the head.
Some folks do not like cussing altogether. Personally, I enjoy a really well-placed ‘fuck’ or ‘goddamn.’ It seems, to me, one could even suggest there’s a genuine art to ‘bad words’ and how to best utilize them in conversation. However, I do find women who cuss often to be some of the most idiotic compared to men.
We are men. Men cuss. It’s manly.
Conclusion
These are a few ways I believe could aid one in becoming a better conversationalist. I’ve held some of the most wonderful conversations with men who have the ability to display many of these traits.
I’m not sure there’s enough talk about how to hone in your skills when in conversation. But I find it a somewhat fascinating topic; especially when one eavesdrops on other’s chat only to realize it’s laced with immature piffle and emptiness.
Read Next: 8 Basic Rules For Improving Your Conversation Skills
Real men don’t talk much.
Yeah, just listen really. Boom, you’ve just unlocked the secret to being a better conversationalist.
I respectfully challenge you to try a setting with rational, intelligent men.
Only a handful, and absolutely NO women or surfing in cyberspace.
Then contribute and listen.
These setting can provide a fantastic learning curve.
And as always – use it as a basis for the right actions in life.
Most of the time I’m not surrounded by true friends and intellectuals, talking about business ideas, philosophy or experiences just alienates normies.
Another tip is to read good books, like the Scripture, history, science, arts, manuals, etc., and minimize your lite literature and useless novels (aka, the best sellers). This way you can converse with intellectuals, in general, and have a more sound judgment about the world we’re living in, but most people will not be able to mantain a more soberly conversation with you. This happens to me, especially when I try to push the discussion to a more historical tone.
Conversation with women….. Hmm, why? They emote vocally (like Power vomit stream or thought words at you, really) and there is no logic or reason to their thoughts, but rather just emotion driven words. As a man, nothing turns my listening cue off faster than verbal diarrhea in a female pitched voice. Now I do make exceptions for my kids.. But even then, tolerance for the bs is low.
…. Stream of thought…. Fking Google….
Eh, nobody’s immune to crazy talk. I’d argue that women are better at abstract and complex reasoning, as they’re designed to think things through while men deal with immediate problems. It’s all a matter of them being evolutionary designed for different tasks.
The only realistic conclusion of what a person thinks, is that person’s mind. And you need to hear it from his or her mouth before you know it.
” I’d argue that women are better at abstract and complex reasoning, as they’re designed to think things through”
You must be insane. And you didn’t think your comment through.” BETTER AT ABSTRACT AND COMPLEX REASONING”… That is top rate comedy right there, will give you that credit. Since… Never.
Actually I’d argue that men are better at abstract and complex reasoning, as they’re designed to think things through while women deal with immediate problems. May explain in part why a lot more men than women in SciTech fields (there are orders to kill me if I ever use the term “STEM” unironically). Not so sure about the whole evolutionary designed thing (what with Locke, tabula rasa and all) but I’ll leave that for another time.
Should have said “‘designed’ or at least used to” rather than “designed.” Implies I automatically agree with sociobiology vs tabula rasa. Again, we need an edit function.
What’s with this guy and writing queer articles
poor minds discuss people
average minds discuss situations
great minds discuss ideas
socrates
Which is why you’ll never meet a leftist who has a clue….
I do not understand the point of this article. it sounds like a bitch session on conversational ettiquette rather than actually giving some productive value to men.
Here’s my .02 and what is consistently worked for me
1. Use banter by default
2. Give out value sparingly to those who deserve it.
3. Wit is a solid sign of intelligence and a great way to entertain yourself
4. Use stories to convey your POV
5. Follow Aristotle’s wisdom
Conversation is an art and like many other forms of art has been largely ignored and unexpressed in our society maybe for the last 30 years or so. It’s the reasons why podcasts like Joe Rogan are so damn popular because good conversation with men or women is nearly impossible to come by lest you be group-cornered as ‘too deep’. Everyone is madly superficial and dumb in conversation.
I used to drink at bars and try to have conversations with other drunks….almost impossible. Frustrated, I quit drinking and it doesn’t matter where I go, ppl just wanna talk about either bullshit in the news to create an argument, stupid TV shows across all the different zombie internet TV services, or braggadocios almost like they’re expressing themselves in person the way they might try to word a Facebook status or comment. People are hyper afraid to offend anyone and, if you notice, the younger folks in their 20s speak in a way that is either evasive or just passive non-committal. A lot more you hear conversation gap fillers among that crowd like “like I don’t j I dude” with an unsure tone spoken immediately after a strong verbal statement revealing their position in something. Alot of “I guess”‘s too. People who take even mild stands in conversation because they perhaps know the issue well or simply understand some basic truth about it are unfucking-believably rare. I’m by no means passive in conversation especially if I know the issue. There’s a lot of misinformation out there and sometimes it’s worth confronting. I feel that it’s manly to stand up for truth if you know what the fuck it is! People are correction trolls or are hyper offendable just waiting to nip your possible factual misstep in the nuts rather than just respect the other possibly opposite view or opinion.
Good conversation driven by a strongly educated command over the respective language in use and an ability to articulate thoughts and perspectives clearly whether to generate influence or just to share is a very rapidly dying artform.
How to revive it? I don’t know if we can. It’s become an accepted part of our reality with not much relent from most of the people doing the talking: younger people.
Sad state of affairs I hope to avoid if I ever have children.
I can’t stand hearing men gossip like women. It’s more prevalent in some lines of work. Cops are huge gossips, ( The 85% that are beta anyway) as are most unionized things.
How can Americans sleep at night while the USA is collapsing?
Soros, Obama, Clinton, and Trump all support endless wars, debt, and tyranny. What’s the difference?
Has Trump opposed trade wars, starting wars with Iran, Mexico, China, Russia, and North Korea, driving up the debt, ending minimum wages, opening concentration camps, banning free speech, religious freedom, freedom from warrantless searches, freedom from torture, security cameras, license plate readers, checkpoints, redlight cameras, speed cameras, FBI facial and voice recognition, curfews, gun bans, NSA wiretapping, the end to the right to silence, searches without warrants, private prisons, mandatory minimums, 3 strikes laws, DNA databases, CISPA, SOPA, IMBRA, private prison quotas, no knock raids, take down notices, no fly lists, terror watch lists, Constitution free zones, stop and frisk, 3 strikes laws, kill switches, National Security Letters, DNA databases, kill lists, FBAR, FATCA, Operation Chokepoint, TSA groping, civil forfeiture, CIA torture, NDAA indefinite detention, secret FISA courts, FEMA camps, laws requiring passports for domestic travel, IRS laws denying passports for tax debts, gun and ammo stockpiles, laws outlawing protesting, police militarization, and Jade Helm?
Has Trump arrested the bankers, decreased taxes, kicked out the illegal aliens, ended the Fed, ended the wars, ended welfare, ended Obamacare, and restored the Bill of Rights?
Trump doesn’t work for you. He works for the elites.
The time for supporting Trump has ended and the time for buying gold, guns, and food has arrived.
Wake up. Think. Spread the word. Dark times are coming.
I’ve gotten used to the disappointment of a lopsided conversation that’s going nowhere. Occasionally I’m pushed to flatly reveal an obvious social faux pas to someone who is oblivious:
“You’re not really listening to me, you’re listening to what you’re about to say next.”
Rest your voice; no need to put up with the convo that has degraded to unlistenable bullshit. This retarded form of interaction often occurs when the other person lacks info or gets edgy/outmatched on some flavor of debate or specific point they feel strongly about; they get hyper and lose the flow of give/take. They’re on auto-pilot and not curious at all, yet they MUST be speaking at all times. This was designed to compensate for the danger of possibly “being wrong” or “looking stupid” but backfires. Substance is lost when we introduce tension with no depth, and it starts to hollow out the conversation when people go into that weird face-saving (CYA) mode, wheels spinning.
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The age of “peak celf-centeredness” and clipped, internet-addled attention spans have jammed a post-modern stick in the spokes of adult conversation, too. IMO, women are the worst at this because they are more easily influenced (brainwashed) by online media, social networks and slot-machine style gratification seeking. I’ve had my senses dulled by women who run it up the shit-test flagpole by finishing my sentences or shooting back an uninformed, impulsive or “empowering” canned response. Oh, I get it, this isn’t really a conversation, is it? That’s why I’m a horrible mansplaining devil now; otherwise who wants to waste precious time in a vapid robot conversation watching the slow disappearance of meaning or truth? Exhausting.
Women can go on and on talking about non significant things. And they never listen, they always interrupt each other especially if there’s more than three-four.
LOL agreed real men do not talk much.
Good article. Especially point #3. Rarely does one stop to thoughtfully consider an idea before responding.
I take issue with the idea that politics is a good conversation topic. I vaguely follow some politics because that is 90% of what modern “news” is (the remaining 9% being local issues like weather or white girl kidnappings that they turn into national news stories, with 1% legit news) but I can’t recall a single political conversation I have had of interest this year.
Also cursing is far too overused. A strong curse word placed correctly in an area of particular emphasis is ok, but all this fucking this, and shitty that, and you fucking piece of shit Nazi I literally just can’t even? Well it can all go to hell.