Here is a status I saw from a female on facebook recently:
“Never regret anything because at one time it was exactly what you wanted.”
In analyzing this chick logic, we get the following translation:
If, at any one point in time, a certain thing was desired by an individual, then that thing should not be considered “regrettable” in the future by that individual. Why? Because it was desired. That is all.
Short version: “If I wanted it, then it was good.”
What’s wrong with this statement? Well, that list could fill a blog post by itself. Most men could twist themselves into mental knots trying to comprehend the logical holes here (ex: What if that “want” harmed others? What about personal responsibility?). The sheer lack of logic is almost painful, really.
Instead of going down that route, however, I would like to posit that this kind of logic provides the perfect context in which to consider the proper male reaction to female emotion: no reaction.
The logic expressed above is not uncommon among women, especially in the west. You’ll will find it among women from a variety of ethnicities, regions and socio-economic backgrounds.
For women, emotions are the waves to be ridden, and they often determine what action is worthwhile and what isn’t. If she felt right about it at the time, then it was right, and she can rationalize it as such in the future regardless of what she did. If she didn’t feel right at the time, then it wasn’t right. Sounds simple…
…but then perhaps she’ll decide tomorrow that what was right before is wrong now, simply because she feels differently at this particular moment (hint: I know the girl who authored that status personally and she has not always expressed such a viewpoint-it could easily change again tomorrow).
Or she could decide that what was wrong then is right now, because her feelings have changed and what felt wrong then feels fine now. And maybe she’ll come back around the next day and switch things up again because a change “just feels right” for her at “this stage” in her life, and it is exactly what thinks she “needs”…
…but then next week she feels out of place, so her change was wrong and needs to be curtailed for something else that “feels right”…and so on, so forth.
I haven’t even mentioned all the crazies that an American male will undoubtedly run into as time passes. Their processes will make even less sense than those I mentioned above, and will generally be even less predictable.
This is an important key to male sexual frustration: too much logic with women and too much inclination to take their emotions seriously, as though they were always based on much more than a passing whim or feeling.
Too many men come into contact with women and seek to try to make sense of these inevitable emotional waves (using their own highly incompatible masculine methods of reasoning) or, even worse, engage these emotions directly. They try to fit a square peg (emotionally driven female reasoning) into a round opening (linear, logical masculine thought processes).
It is a lose-lose for them.
Once a man understands this and simply lets it all go, he puts himself in a position to enter a much better place, both romantically and spiritually. He quits fighting her emotional waves and holding them accountable to his own preconceived standards (which, as the text above outlines, should only be applied to men anyway).
Instead, he learns to ride them out and/or just let them flow. He is able to maintain his own stability in the face of her occasional volatility. This, in turn, puts him into a good position to learn and practice game properly.
Her emotions are the unpredictable, often chaotic storm bearing down on the land. He is the solid oak that stands firmly in place before and after its passing.
Note how the oak does not attempt to reason with the storm (or the weather that created it), confront the storm or change the storm as it passes. The oak doesn’t bitch about the weather as though it could be altered either. Instead, the oak merely persists, solidly and reliably. The weather changes and the storms come and then go, but the oak remains as it was, rain or shine.
Deep down, every woman seeks to find her own “oak”, the object that her own often unstable emotional “weather patterns” (including those often volatile storms and the waves they create) cannot move at will or destroy and are instead forced to respect as they pass by. It is the job of any male concerned with self-improvement to become that object.
A man’s frame is crucial – knowing your values and sticking to them, regardless of other people’s tantrums. Outstanding post.
This smacks of masochism. The only bit I can agree 100% is the point to not take what women say, do or feel seriously at all. Run your own life 100%.
And likewise to men.
You can either be stronger than her emotions or fight it to your peril.
Remember the key words…gay, lame, cool, that’s interesting, sure.
Once I discovered what you are describing, my life became much better. I phrased it this way when I discovered it: “What I want must be right/good because it’s what *I* want.” I found that peculiarly female logic exasperating and incomprehensible. But once I grasped that it was not an aberration — because I had gone through hundreds of women looking for one that made sense — I realized that I was approaching the problem wrong.
A woman is like fire. She is her own thing. A force of nature. You cannot change the nature of fire because if you did, it would no longer be fire. The fire is dangerous, unpredictable, but desired to sustain life. So instead your job is to define the parameters within which the fire will exercise its chaotic will. You cannot turn chaos into order, but you can define the area within which it will operate.
This makes both the man and the woman happy. The woman needs those boundaries. The boundaries need to be close enough to feel like love, but far enough away not to feel like smothering control. Women who can work with this can be good wives.
Not all women can accept even that so they cannot be wives and mothers. You use their warmth while it blows in your direction then let them pass you by.
One thing worth keeping in mind as well is that each woman has a different core of general values from which she operates. Though in the sense of any particular thing she may not be predictable, she is predictable overall given enough experience with her that you can infer her core from the totality of her actions. In this way though you cannot predict her completely, you can have a good idea of a range of behavior in which she will engage, and ascertain whether that range is compatible with the boundaries that are acceptable to you.
Hahaha. I’ve found that most women have no core of values whatsoever and require external boundaries for this. Either they need to buy into a religion, their parents’ rules, or their husband’s leadership, because on their own their only guiding principle is that they will do what is the easy and convenient thing for them in nearly every situation.
nail on the head. ALWAYS dictate to a woman what you expect and want from her. if she complies you’re winning and you are both happy. if she’s defiant, let her go or pump and dump. no compromises.
I was discussing religion with my mother and sister a few months ago. They could’t wrap their heads around the concept of not relying on religion to tell you what’s right and wrong, but coming up with values and principles all by yourself. Women mostly -re-produce, far less do they produce something new on their own.
I don’t disagree with this in any way, but here is what has always confused me about the “be the oak” philosophy:
How does a man be the initiator of the pick-up, the pursuer and the escalator, while being a strong, silent oak?
The “oak” analogy is actually meant to apply to a man’s ability to withstand fluctuations in a woman’s emotional state and not be too significantly impacted by them. It is not incongruent with pursuit/escalation because it is meant to describe one’s own emotional fortitude, not to imply a completely static mode of physical behavior.
A man who pursues a woman can still be the oak-he doesn’t need to be totally still or silent to fill that role. He simply needs to be able to maintain his own emotional stability in the face of her emotional instabilities. His ability to see her emotional waves for what they are and merely withstand/contain/ride them (as opposed to fighting them or taking them too seriously) enhances his ability to succeed with her sexually, aiding later escalation and the maintenance of a relationship (if that’s what you want).
Agreed. Women are ruled by their emotional state and any reason they apply is to rationalize why its OK to be ruled by their emotional state.
So yes, men have to be the leader and set boundaries on how women behave in following that emotional state. That’s why women turn to religion more so than men so that there are external boundaries.
Yet, a woman who acted like a man would be a dreadful bore to a man. A feminine woman’s emotional disorder can be delightful when she’s in love with you. Your task is to give her the security to love by being that “oak” so her emotions can blossom safely.
Contemporary society has the problem of not enough fear of wild and/or unproductive behavior. It is the usual symptom of a society ready to be so internally weakened that it collapses from internal failures or is readily conquered from without.
You sound like Hitler.
Father time, Mother nature. Awesome post.
Nothing original or profound here. “Oak Tree” has been said before and better starting here: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/
By the way, “Ivy League trained thinker of Caribbean-American descent” is telling people you were admitted by affirmative action.
It seems like the affirmative action is continuing into your career – you’ve got to come up with better than this
This is not a place for your “Scientific Racism” BS. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Or your scientific sexism.
http://i.imgur.com/yxZZb.jpg
Get lost white dude. Athlone adds value to this blog.
That’s hilarious, mysoginist.
doesn’t this kind of contradict the “anger is an aphrodisiac” and “put a bitch in her place” mentalities? At some point a lack of response to a woman’s moods might easily be misconstrued as weakness and letting her walk over you. You have to have some point where you’re willing to tell her “shut the fuck up.”
Also, for the section “holding them accountable to his own preconceived standards,” I believe we shouldn’t expect women to always act in an orderly, sensible manner, but we should definitely make what we like and don’t like clear.
“doesn’t this kind of contradict the “anger is an aphrodisiac” and “put a bitch in her place” mentalities?”
Probably. I’m not a proponent of either of them.
“At some point a lack of response to a woman’s moods might easily be misconstrued as weakness and letting her walk over you. You have to have some point where you’re willing to tell her “shut the fuck up.””
…or leave.
The suggestion of this post is to set boundaries within which a woman’s emotional waves/storms can pass naturally. When things go south, I don’t need to argue with a woman or “put her in her place” more than I wish to. If her moods go beyond what is reasonable (read: she is unwilling to respect those boundaries and by extension, totally unwilling to respect me), I simply walk away.
My departure will usually occur well before any “shut the fuck up” line is crossed on my part. There are other women out there I can approach-she can get along just fine by herself.
Pussy is not a rare commodity-don’t treat it like one. Fear of loss (her knowledge of the fact that you can disappear if you disapprove of her behavior and that you are very willing and able to move on) can be a much more effective check on bad behavior than engaging her directly can be.
“Note how the oak does not attempt to reason with the storm (or the weather that created it), confront the storm or change the storm as it passes. The oak doesn’t bitch about the weather as though it could be altered either. Instead, the oak merely persists, solidly and reliably. The weather changes and the storms come and then go, but the oak remains as it was, rain or shine.”
We had an oak tree in out yard when I was a kid. One particularly nasty storm caused one of the biggest branches to fall on our porch roof. We had to cut the rest of the branches off so they wouldn’t fall on the house or the telephone wires later.
I’ve also seen dead or mostly dead trees (probably some were oaks) that had been struck by lightning. I’ve also seen whole trees that fell down, completely uprooted, in storms.
That’s interesting…
<3
Interesting…one of THE BEST quotes I took from my ex which sums up the madness that is their thinking processes was…
”Well….,it made sense in MY head ‘
Case closed.
I disagree with the “translation” into “chick logic”.
What that quote is really saying is people shouldn’t have regrets because, theoretically, we all make what we consider to be the smartest decision possible at the time when making choices. It’s only in retrospect that we regret those decisions because with new knowledge, we can see maybe some past decisions weren’t smart or in our long-term best interests, but in the short-term those decisions made sense.
this is such dude logic
OK, but that’s not “female” rationalization. It’s just rationalization. Rationalization means “I want it” = “It is good”. It is acting on emotional impulses and then providing an explanation for them.
I just wish only women did that, but sadly, it’s the basis for stupid behaviour, and I think it can well affect 90% of the population.
“Women have been created from a rib. She will never be straightened up
in the way you wish. If you enjoyed her companionship, then do it with
that crookedness, as If you tried to rectify her she will be broken and
breaking her means divorcing her.”
– Prophet Muhammad
“With women, men are only given and have to only choose of either of the two: either to love them, or to understand them.”
– Ninon de Lenclos
Women are crooked by nature. That’s why monogamy is for fools. Don’t ever commit to a single woman. The more you’ll commit to monogamy, the more emotional storms she’ll want to bring in your life, out of sheer pleasure.
This is a great article. I wish I would have internalized this concept long ago.
This is an important key to male sexual frustration: too much logic with women and too much inclination to take their emotions seriously.
My exact mistake in too many relationships.
If it is particularly volatile and happens often, it gets really old. Then it’s time to move on.