If you date enough women, eventually you will encounter one with Borderline Personality Disorder. If autism is hyper-masculinization of the brain, it may help to think of BPD as characterizing hyper-feminization of the brain. Recent research suggests that the disorder, which afflicts 2% of the population, is linked to hormone levels and can be exacerbated by hormonal treatment such as birth control. From Wikipedia:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a personality disorder characterized by unusual variability and depth of moods. These moods may secondarily affect cognition and interpersonal relationships.
Other symptoms of BPD include impulsive behaviour, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, unstable self-image, feelings of abandonment and an unstable sense of self. People with BPD often engage in idealization and devaluation of themselves and of others, alternating between high positive regard and heavy disappointment or dislike. Self-harm and suicidal behavior are common and may require inpatient psychiatric care.
One night I successfully approached a knockout, the best looking girl in the entire venue. We were quick to kiss and things escalated back to her place. Luckily I was sober enough to realize something with this girl was just… off. Despite inviting me over she took offense to nearly everything I said, and not in the “you’re a jerk” way that most girls use to indicate interest. These perceived insults seemed to throw her into a complete funk, but just minutes later she was pushing me to have unprotected sex with her. She got visibly angry when I attempted to use a condom, so I thought the better of doing anything and just went to sleep.
We set up a date for later in the week, but when I picked her up she flipped out about inconsequential details like where to eat and whether to go to her place or mine, prompting me to leave her yelling on the sidewalk as I drove away in befuddlement. She called me crying five minutes later apologizing, as if she was simultaneously trying her best to piss me off but was also terrified that I would abandon her. I gritted my teeth through the date, did not attempt anything physical, and never called her again.
If you run into a broad with a few of these symptoms, watch out. BPD girls live in an unfortunate state of arrested development, as if you took a perpetually hormonal 12 year old and gave it the body and power of an adult. This is an especially dangerous combination because attractive girls, no matter how crazy, are essentially allowed to get away with anything in our society. These girls will be incredible manipulators and will turn people against you, since there is never a shortage of white knights ready to assuage a pretty girl’s perceived distress. The combination of impunity and impulsiveness makes them prime targets to throw out a false rape accusation, destroy your property, stalk you, and attempt to ruin your life from the inside out. The commonalities in the few girls I’ve encountered like this are:
Huge and unpredictable mood swings — From lovey-dovey to scary-rage in two seconds flat.
Child-like fascination with both infantile and adult subject matter — She may obsess over cute puppies and kitties, but also searches out the sensory overload like hardcore porn and gory slasher movies without batting an eye.
Risk-seeking behavior: She loves unprotected sex, gambling, and dangerous thrill-seeking. She lacks a filter before saying something or make a decision.
Your best solution? Disengage. Walk away. Even a superlatively attractive girl is not worth the mental anguish her presence will cause. If she’s especially hot, your ego is going to push you to stay with her despite knowing that she is trouble. You have to fight this, but if you insist on putting yourself through this torment, you need to remember the following Ds:
Document. Make sure you get the “you didn’t rape me” text if you have sex with her. Video tape if necessary. Use your phone to record conversations and intimate moments.
Deflect. She’s going to raise hissy fits about nearly everything. This will happen so often that you’ll wonder whether you’re the one who’s acting strangely. Don’t take anything she says very seriously and maintain a calm, aloof demeanor.
Distance. You never, ever keep a girl like this in a relationship or even at the top of your rotation. She’s at the bottom rung of your rotation, and when you get rid of her make sure it’s a fade-out to minimize the chance of accusations, violence, vandalism, etc.
Ultimately no matter how attractive she is, dealing with this type of crazy is not worth it. Do not hesitate to kick these women to the curb if they exhibit this behavior. You’ve been warned.
Read More: Internet Dating Killed My Game
So basically woman who have allowed the guardrails to be taken off.
A BPD is basically an exaggerated version of a typical woman. They tend to embody very strongly all negative stereotypes commonly associated with women.
I’m just now getting around to reading this article. But Zeke, you took the words right out of my mouth.
I’ve only had one encounter with a BPD woman. She’s the only one I don’t write about or talk about. It was that bad. The level of manipulation is unparalleled to a point where people wouldn’t believe you if you told them.
Fortunately, I was years into the red pill by then, so I cut it off pretty quickly. But I failed to follow one key piece of advice that Black Knight gave: Let it fade slowly.
That’s when the trouble began. It’s unimaginable how many White Knights a hot, sexy BPD woman can summons with one facebook post with *literally* nothing more than a “:-(”
If anyone out there is caught up with a girl like this, BACK AWAY SLOWLY. Find a way to make her dump you. Be overly beta or needy or something. Don’t kick her to the curb like I did, or you’ll pay the price.
To give you a few true examples:
Emails to my boss
Phone calls to my mother and sister
False account using my name and photo on gay acceptance and bicurious sites (that’s actually kind of funny – but it wasn’t back then)
Long talks with White Knights where she “wondered” if she had been raped. I had countless “not cool, brah” texts and emails for nearly a year.
Psychological and verbal abuse accusations – complete with her signing up for support groups and “checking in” on facebook at mental health facilities with “Thanks, Thatch” in the check in byline.
She doubled down on visiting my stomping grounds and always made sure I saw her with a different “hot guy” every week.
It goes on and on and on. This was my punishment for telling her “You’re mentally unstable. GTFO and delete my number.”
**None of the above would have been possible without her legion of betas and White Knights.
Modern-Day Sirens.
They are fundamentally damaged from infancy. There is NO recovery except in extremely rare cases … most would rather die than to change ANY of their erratic behavior.
I’ve dated a couple BPD’s before I knew what it was. I would rather juggle nitroglycerin.
That title should be amended to “Don’t Date (Modern) Girls”.
Not. Worth. It.
Period.
Sounds like gay advice to me.
Sound advice. I’ve seen this behavior in a couple of the younger ones I’ve dated. One stormed out of the bar with my friends present after being in a funk the whole time. She apparently didn’t care for the fact that they were talking about pot in her presence. She thought I was associating with “druggies.” Then, after she stormed off, she wanted me to chase after her. No way, Jose.
The problem with them is, you’ll get some of the hottest sex ever.
It’s like a moth to the flame.
Crazy in head, crazy in bed.
I must have the shitty in bed version…
she has yet another psychiatric condition…vaginismus. 🙁
Vaginismus is just a fancy word for a tight pussy, the only cure is fucking after a few glasses of wine and 5-20 mgs of valium.
Spoken like a true rapist
Yes of course, trying to avoid painful sexual intercourse surely means you’re a rapist. Makes perfect sense.
Any reason is good enough for some people when trying to cry rape no matter how inane and illogical, I guess.
Charlie: You lucky dog!
Alan: What? I’m not going in there, she’s nuts!
Charlie: Yeah, so, sex with crazy chicks is great. Just make sure you pick positions where you can see what her hands are doing.
I think that not getting drawn into their endless drama is the same like passing an endless amount of shit tests, giving her endless sexual urges.
Normal rule: 1 part hot = 2 parts crazy
BPD Rule: 1 part hot = 4 parts crazy + hot sex and still not worth it.
crazy sex until the marketing campaign is over
Another D: Don’t let them know your real name, phone number or address. Ha! Seriously, don’t.
The big three: name, occupation, home address.
NEVER ever let them know your:
FULL name
Home Address
Home Number
Kind of hard to not give out your “home number” when everyone uses cell phones. Unless you want to get a drop phone just for women which I have done in other countries but Im not doing that in the US.
Ha! Really though, seriously don’t.
Wrong. According to this essay on HuffPo, crazy girls are marriage-worthy :
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/10/husband-material_n_3056625.html
Very fucked up. It seems to fit the description of a lesbian lover.
Um, HuffPost bloggers set the standard for mental illness… Don’t get me wrong, I find huffpo as entertaining to read as the next guy, but there is all kinds of crazy over there. Like half the things they post invoke Poe’s law,
Is that “roosh” and his future wife in the stock photo? He looks dandy in that pillow-sweater and neck-donut. Her hair portends things to come.
I had the unfortunate luck of getting with a BPD girl when I first started gaming. Didn’t have the experience to know what the fuck i was in for.
One scary subset of BPD girls is the Waif, or the BPD that doesn’t rage. Their anger and emotions are directed inwards instead of towards their partner. They typically don’t do the “acting out” routine as most BPD girls. They are competent in basic courting rituals and you don’t realize what you’ve gotten into until it’s too late. What they will do is eventually sabotage the relationship because of their own insecurities and fears. Either they will do something that forces you to end things (cheat on you, etc), or they will slowly withdraw piecemeal, or sometimes they just abruptly cut you off and basically disappear.
Most BPD girls suffer from low self-esteem and have daddy issues of some sort. They are not to be trifled with, because they have a way of getting underneath your skin and getting over them is harder than getting over a non-BPD girl. They hate themselves and eventually will treat you as poorly as they treat themselves.
You were Lucky, and good on you for it. I ran into one years ago who quickly made the leap to obsessive stalker. She not only knew where I lived but a substantial hunk of my family as well and threatened to burn down all our houses at the idea that we needed to part. About which time I cam to discover speaking with her brother that the family had to leave Canada when she was a minor, ‘because of the fires, you know’, but I was good for her. Simply Grand!
I finally went into the Army and after restorative period of living in the woods like an animal and eating my meat like a cannibal, she finally got the message. Real Wayne’s World kind of denial. She loved to fuck and had a rawness for a girl her age. But that can be taught with a little patience. Still the picture you paint of the mood swings, constantly freaking out…hyper for or hyper against, the sentimentality over a crude common denominator of animal desire for stimulus is way too familiar. Of virtually everybody I have known in this world, men or women, she is the only one I genuinely wish ill.
Having dated one of these monsters, I’m totally with you on the last part. After all the evil shit she did I still won’t stoop low enough to get revenge… but I sure wish somebody would. She’s a shitty person and her self-loathing was/is completely justified.
If you were ever seriously involved with a Cluster B disordered individual, you are never the same person afterwards. It is emotionally akin to losing a limb. It’s hard to understand if you haven’t been through it. I suspect many men come to the Red Pill thanks to an entanglement with one of these creatures.
The only silver lining is that you have a certain immunity afterwards. You learn to develop stronger boundaries and standards and you can spot the crazy much more easily. Indeed you tend to scrutinize and vet girls much more closely from the get-go when it comes to sanity.
Plus 1000. I experienced the exact same thing.
My hellish LA bitch had 8 of the 9 traits described under borderline personality disorder in the DSM-IV manual. God, if I had only known what the hell BPD was when I met her…
She messed me up, but I was golden after that. The next guy, however, wasn’t so lucky — she immediately got herself knocked up and they moved to the Midwest and she became a stay-at-home housewife.
So true. Glad to see people talking about it like this online, because there is truly nobody I can talk to in real life who could understand.
After years and years I am out now, and like you said I feel stronger in a way. I can spot a crazy a mile away, and will stay a mile away from now on.
Monsters? Are you for real? :l….. don’t tar us all with the same brush, thaaanks.
OMFG. It is so cruel to call us “monsters” it is not our fault…it’s a genetic disorder. You don’t have to be so stereotypical.
She IS ill, dumb ass.
She IS ill, dumb ass.
Being “ILL” is an excuse.
She is also a “santient being” perfectly capable of self-observation and capable of asking for help.
But that would be good for everyone involved, and BPD is the epitome of evil.
This, excellent comment, definitely one of the best so far. This article is a decent introduction to BPD women, but it only scratches the surface. I had the unfortunate experience of having my life turned upside down, by one of these psychotic “soul sucking” women.
It’s been almost exactly two years since I have broken up with her, and I’m just now almost completely over the hurt, anger, frustration, and sadness, that the relationship brought me. These women really get into your head and under your skin, they really figure out all your weakness, insecurities, and issues, and then engage in a campaign of what I call “subtle psychological sabotage.”
When I met my ex I was just getting my feet wet in the game, and I didn’t really know up from down or left from right, in other words I wasn’t prepared to deal with a well seasoned female with a PHD in manipulation. Basically I hate to use the cliche “love at first sight”, but my ex was really beautiful, and when we met I ran flawless game and the whole encounter felt so perfect.
My ex like many BPD engage in what’s called “mirroring”, since they lack a strongly developed “sense of self” they easily mold themselves into the “perfect” person for their partner in the relationship. They “mirror” their boyfriends interests and personality, so you think you have met the “perfect girl”.
Most relationships with a BPD go through an initial “honey moon” phase which usually last 3 months, in which things are great and everything seems perfect. Sure there are minor outbursts and warning signs at the outset, I really was ignorant, but also largely ignored a lot of red flags (which I now really regret).
Any how to make a long story short, I was blinded by the pussy, sex with a a BPD a really hot BPD is like fucking crack, you become addicted to that shit. On top of that, this girl was so over the top with telling me she loved me, I was her soul mate, she wanted to marry me, etc., that it really got in my head and I actually came to believe that complete and utter B.S.
Let’s just say after a while shit started to hit the fan, before it slowly became a shit storm. The culmination of which ended when she was belligerently blacked out drunk, was acting violently and abusively towards me and then when I went off on her calling her a psycho bitch and hit her with a pillow, she ran into her kitchen and called 911 on her house phone, (crazy bitch was threatening to hit her head against the wall to make it look like I hit her).
When the cops showed up they said they saw a red mark on her neck, I should have kept my mouth shut, because I thought I had did nothing wrong and told them what happened, ofcourse they took my words out of context, twisted them around and falsely made me out to be abusive in their police report. I ended up having to take a 1 year domestic violence class run by an angry old feminist woman, who made my life hell because I wouldn’t admit to be a violent abusive man. I paid out over $4000 on the class, lawyer, and fees, and fortunately she paid me back the $2,500 for the bail.
That bitch basically ruined my life and on top of that I hate the psycological torment that she put me through, to make things worse I pretty much figured out that she had cheated on me after the break up. I can’t believe I believed anything that bitch said, she was almost a pathological liar, (*except* all her lies were calculated). These women are masters at lying and masters at manipulation.
They play the victim role and attract men who have “a captain save a ho” complex, who feel like they can help them. These girls have serious daddy issues and in many cases have been molested as children. Not only are they fucking manipulative, but their end game is to totally fucking control you. Once they totally fucking control you, they come to resent you, then they fuck you over, cheat on you with your best friend, or do some other super fucked up shit, just for their own shits and giggles.
They can be sociopathic in that they completely lack remorse for their actions. They are so utterly self absorbed and literally care about no one but themselves. They will fuck you over in every conceivable way, and then cry their eyes out and make themselves out to be the victim and you the bad guy, then they will tell you they love you, they need you, will beg and plead, and then offer to let you pee on them in the shower (if it will make you feel better, *true story*).
In the end, no matter how hot they are, no matter how mind blowing the sex is, it’s not fucking worth it.
Outside of the police involvement this is almost exactly my story word for word. Every detail, from mirroring, to playing the victim, to fucking your best friend just for kicks. I felt my skin crawl just reading it. After going through all that, I’m not sure I’ll trust another woman ever again.
I guess my husbands ex had it also she fucked 2 of his boys and still wants to be on his dick. that bitch is a stalker .
BIG TIP GUYS IF YOU DO ARE OR EVER DECIDE TO GIBE ANOTHER BPD WOMAN A CHANCE. WHEN THEY GO ON ONE THERE BULLSHIT MOODS YOU CALL THE LOCAL HOPITAL. AND TELL THEM THERES A PERSON WITH BPD AND THERE HAVING A CRISES AND THEY WILL GET LOCKED UP QUICKLY.
you’re sick. who are you to subjugate people with BPD, you don’t understand the first thing about people who suffer from BPD you have no place to say something so ignorant and hurtful.
who are you to say I cant I have it myself. if that comment hurt you well I guess it means your has half has bad as that woman. that comment was not ment for you but you took offense to eat that shows your mentality
No it just shows you’re a ghetto trashy ass CUNT.
Here
is a real story of serial Cheater BPD women:
Her father left her and her mother and this has pushed her into passing all of her life seducing men to recover her self- esteem and to simultaneously avoid any commitment for long term due to her fear of abandonment later. As an example a married man who left his wife for her than she left him after one month marriage, she knew a poet for years with a roller coaster kind of relation without any outcome. It is the seduction game with the fear of commitment. They
usually target Narcissist people and people who are not available (married to a pretty wife, famous poet, etc.,.) this is due to 2 reasons: (1) that Narcissistic give them a sense of security and are glad to play the role of the “White Knight” coming for emotional rescue (2) Unavailable peoples means that there are low possibilities to have a long term commitment with them, something a BPD woman is afraid of cause it will ends the seduction game and can lead to abandonment if there is a commitment.
And what’s your feeling on people with BPD who – for instance – falsely accuse their partners of DV?
“Personality Disorder” is simply psyche-speak for “human evil”.
haha they won’t lock us up, dumbass…. they’ll just admit us to a psychiatric ward!
Two things made me think “OMFG.” The fact that she said you were “soul mates” and that she offered to let you pee on her. I dated a girl with BPD who did both one week after we met. It amazes me how many people have almost exact similar experiences with people who have BPD. It’s like a model of car that experiences the same problem. Truly bizarre.
It was probably the same crazy ass chick
It is really bizarre, because I have BPD and that’s just fucking weird to me.
It is really bizarre, because I have BPD and that’s just fucking weird to me.
Sorry but that’s gross what she asked of you to do. I have BPD and crap like that has never when in my mind. I think I don’t have it has bad has the other chicks did shiettt lol.
Me too!
Great posts guys. I had pretty much the same experiences with my ex BPD girlfriend. It really is uncanny, isn’t it? Like some of you guys, I had no clue what BPD was when I met her, and thus was completely oblivious to all the red flags etc. There are some good articles and literature out there about this stuff.
There are so many mind-blowing things about the disorder, and per this comment thread one of them is how incredibly similar romantic relationships with borderlines are. For example, they inevitably go through those three stages: the lover, the clinger and then the hater. No exceptions.
And all the other stuff: the incredibly wild sex, the psychotic meltdowns over nothing, the false accusations by her of violence (in my case it was a particularly ridiculous accusation by her, utterly devoid of any basis in fact), the way that for them “feelings=facts”, I could go on and on.
It’s spooky, really, how these people are technically human beings, but yet once you know what they’re about, it’s like they are pretty much entries out of DSM IV. It’s like they really don’t have free will, when you think about it. All of their behaviour is completely governed and dictated by their personality disorder. They never deviate in any significant way from that path and those modes of behaviour.
And I hear you guys about how difficult these relationships are to get over. It really traumatized me, the breakup, it was so awful — her behaviour was exponentially more scummy and vicious than anything else I’ve encountered in my life, before or since.
It’s hard now to see any person behind the BPD. Like a shattered mirror reflecting fragments of a real human being. Is this who they are? Is there anything inside them apart from their BPD prison.
They seem to feel a deep sense of ‘hollowness’, maybe they are right?
I have manic depression and my manic moods last a long time and I literally switch into a different person and depending on the style of it, I can be a miserable fuck and I see that. I was raised by a BPD, have a brother with it and an aunt and even when they are the more “quiet” type, you end up with compassion fatigue or as my old psydoc called it “borderline burnout” because they will break you down. It is always you and not them and you CANNOT do anything write because they will find something wrong, or push you away.
Honestly you can’t blame ALL of that on her BPD. Some of it yes, because not everyone is strong enough to cope. If you have a disorder, it also mixes in with your genetics and what type of person you originally are. I have BPD and I could never even imagine doing the horrible things you say she did. She seems to be a bitchy, fake person if that’s how she really turned out. And a cheater is a cheater, NOT someone with a disorder.. I love how you say ‘These women are masters at lying and masters at manipulation’, when you are only speaking of ONE MAJOR BITCH. I am certainly not a liar or manipulator, those are two things I absolutely can’t stand in ANY human being. My point is, please stop categorizing us girls as all the same. WE ARE NOT. Sounds to me like you were just dealing with a fake bitch who happen to have the disorder. Because besides all of the termoil that it causes while surfaced, you can still always tell what kind of person they are at heart, if they have one .
Brooke what that guy is saying is 100% correct and i can tell you that my Ex-GF has BPD and also stunning, funny enough my story is almost exactly like his, I have a work colleague that was married to a BPD woman and she was also a mirror of the that women, the fact is that they seem to be so similar in their traits that they are quite easy to spot when you know what to look for and the high functioning BPD women are the hardest to deal with as its never their problem its yours.
Dave, you must be horrible. Did it ever occur to you to maybe…um, get her some mental help? I suffer with BPD and in now way am I like that girl this author had wrote about. I do my best to be a good person who is caring, loving, honest, thoughtful, and considerate. I am currently seeking therapy to become an even better person. I have improved, but seeing articles like this..it stings and makes it feel as if I have no hope of ever becoming normal or ever getting married. It hurts to know that there is a cult of men, even women who detests people with BPD and say mean things about them. I don’t manipulate people. I don’t cheat or play head games. I try so hard, but this..this just hurts to see such hate around BPD. I don’t even participate in coitus unless its a serious relationship because to me, its something that is special. I try so hard to make people smile, even if it just takes a silly joke. I see it when the symptoms arise and I deal with it as it comes. I try and people need to know that not all BPD sufferers are bad. Many are wonderful individuals with such big hearts. Some people are just bad apples, but not all are.
Dear Judith,
BPD has a very broad spectrum, so we still find very different kind of behaviors + and this is very important the most offensive borderlines people talk about, even or especially if they are “high functionning”, who can easily keep a good job, are generally not aware of their personality disorder! In many cases because being “HF” just throw out of sigh the possibility of being “crazy”, so these people tend to never understand their problem and never improve on it! When you uinderstanf it, it’s different you seek some good therapy, and it’s easier to improve! The dialectic therapy is one of the best for what I heard!
Otherwise hating borderline is a normal reaction when you unedrstand what you have been through while beeing with a bad BPD case, but after a few years we generally understand that it was a part of our growing process to understand why we put up with all that misery and we get out somehow stronger!
Of course there is the prerequisite of not having been suck too down, some people die, some other get diease for life so thes personality disorders are to be taken very seriously, it’s basically life threatening on both sides!
I think its also up to the person who has BPD. Some take advantage of it also. I think that once you know you have you can tell when a crisis is gonna come up. If you know the bad behavior is gonna start train your body,emotions to do things that make you happy in general.
I have it but I don’t hate the article I just feel bad that some guys had to put up with it and the women they were with didn’t tell them anything. I think that was irresponsible also. If you want a relationship to work out and you have BPD educate your spouse. Tell them from the start so they also can tell when theres gonna be an emotional coaster and they be prepared to with it.
I myself did that with my husband. But yes not everyone is willing to share or explain there disability. Im not ashamed of it I speak about it all the time and educate others also.
I can relate to what Judith said. There are a lot of BPD women that are trying really hard to live normal life’s and are loving and caring individuals. I’ve been seeing a girl that was exactly like this. While she had all of the BPD traits I understand that it is her own deep never healing emotional life long wound that is causing all these problems. For me she was perfect as she kept things exciting and I was never bored and I loved saving her and I loved receiving all the fun she could give me when she was feeling good. The problem is that I knew this would never ever survive the test of time. I knew that eventually she would walk out on me so I never fully committed to her and eventually she did start seeing someone else going through that honeymoon phase and tried to keep me around like very very hard but I thought it was time to stop the contact so I did. I have great memories with her and I know she will continue her struggle though life never being able to fit, never being able to establish a proper family. I see her as a victim, not myself. I also understand all the guys that went through meeting the dream girl and having that dream ripped out from under their feet and if they left at that time none of that crazy things would have happened but they tried to hang onto the dream and got smashed. Once you know you are playing with fire you should stop. I have learned a lot from my BPD girl it will only make me a stronger person. Keep up the good work Judith. It takes a strong mind to recognize you have a problem and to fight it and I can’t even imagine how hard that battle is.
Peter, you are an amazing man to cope with the ebb and flow of her moods, But what is striking is how you appreciate your time w/ her. And I hope you find a girl of your dreams again as you so truly deserve.
I agree, I am sitting here bawling at the thought I may never find a love because this is how we are all perceived. To know that when I am honest about BPD Ill probably just get used for my hot crazy girl sex and dropped like a bag of shit in a dump.
Are you my ex CB? Because she also said repeatedly the same over years and years to kucf my mind.
Well guess what honeybunch? You “men” only care about sex so its your own fault for being with someone you didnt like just for the sex, then you whine about how badly you were treated. Totally makes sense to expect royal treatment from the women you objectify right? Anyways, Im bpd but I havent dated in years. Its a waste of time, escorting dates are much better:)
Peebles you are a worthless person who has settled for a BPS,s only destiny as a hooker because you cannot hold a relationship together, I hope that you get help so that you can enjoy the happiness of coming home to a real family, that’s what I have now with my new gf who is the nicest girl you could meet.
peter, i feel like this response could have been made by any one of my exes, which was at once difficult to read as well as eye opening and even a bit comforting. this article caught my eye and kept it, through all the cliches and negativity, to relating to specific traits and patterns, to questioning is this how others’ perceive me? in such a general, negative, “crazy” light? i’d like to think that i am a much more complex person than that, and i know that i have all the best intentions. and though it’s been a long rough road, and i’ve had many backslides, i know i am just on a different timetable than most others and that i will get there one day, slowly but surely. even now, reminded of past relationships, when i look back at 20 years ago, compared to now, i see a change, an improvement, in me and my relationships. i’m not yet where i want to be, but i would hope that everyone has not given up on me, because i haven’t given up yet! xxxooo’s to all who suffer from this disorder, and don’t give up!
Judith, you are the perfect example of BPD! Your first sentence is a heartless accusation… followed by some more accusation… and followed by some more manipulation (“in no way am I like that girl…”). No one was talking about you, but you perceived it as such ,right? Narcissism is often an integral part of being BPD.
Yet, to an untrained eye, your reply may seem perfectly fine… not to me though, I have had years of training by a top notch psycho 🙂
How is “caring about sex” someone’s FAULT? Why would that imply “being with someone you didn’t like”? Pretty much ALL sexual encounters are with someone we LIKE. But, as I like to say jokingly – don’t let facts spoil your good story. 🙂
The irrational, yet socially acceptable, manipulative, destructive ways of BPDs are fantastic to observe… a real eye opener.
You clearly have no clue as narcissism very rarely shows up in BPD sufferers, in fact it is more often than not the opposite, they are incredibly self loathing. She is not psycho you are just an uneducated bigot. BTW they no longer use the term psycho.
You clearly have no clue as narcissism very rarely shows up in BPD sufferers, in fact it is more often than not the opposite, they are incredibly self loathing. She is not psycho you are just an uneducated bigot. BTW they no longer use the term psycho.
You clearly have no clue as narcissism very rarely shows up in BPD sufferers, in fact it is more often than not the opposite, they are incredibly self loathing. She is not psycho you are just an uneducated bigot. BTW they no longer use the term psycho.
David, er, um, “John Smith”, YOU are the top notch psycho…. poster child for NPD/BPD. NOT as clever as you seem to think
Actually you are the clueless one (let me guess: judging by the tone of your post you are a PBD sufferer).
BPDs have wild swings in their self-image, and “self-loating”, or rather, low self-esteem is only one half of it. Overinflated ego, arrogance due to ignorance and narcissism are the other half.
“Psycho” is the term that I and many others use, hence, So “they”, do use it.
Better work on yourself, than trying to change the world to your image. It never worked, and only delays your progress.
Mama_Jack, get help. Your post is a prime example of a PBD.
I’m starting to think that you may be the one with issues.
Personality Disordered Individuals gradually lose their virulence as they age out. Basically, around 40 y/o, they begin to “calm down” and their disorder activation diminishes.
Since you seem to be older, reminiscing your past “20 years ago”, you are afforded some relative retrospection and personal introspection of your life and how you have interacted with others. This is called “maturity” and the acquisition of wisdom.
The important question is…Do you ever “Feel For” those you have hurt in the past by your virulent behavior?
I ask this because BPD’s have serious deficits in empathy. Are you able to feel compassion and sympathy for those you may have hurt emotionally, psychologically or physically?
OKAY Judith, I have to address your statement. Firstly, you are proposing that others must be responsible for a BPD’s behavior and disorder.
“Get her some Help?” It’s NOT his illness or his problem! This is the problem with the personality disordered…they don’t take personal responsibility for their own lives!
They are like vicious children running around lying, manipulating, hurting, tantruming, deceiving, conning people around them!
There is NO CULT of people who are hate people with Borderline Personality Disorder. They hate what the person with BPD have done to them! It’s hard to differentiate between the person and the disorder. It’s frequently impossible not to take it personally because of what the BPD has done and the sadistic zeal the BPD has displayed when they did it.
You cannot blame these people! You cannot resent them for having the emotions they feel by reason of their interaction with a BPD.
The problem with the BPD…and YOU in this case…is YOUR/BPD DEFICIT in EMPATHY!
A “Normal” person would feel remorse, sympathy, shame, guilt for the transgressions they have made against others and how they are responsible for having hurt others.
Instead, you are saying how “How hurt YOU are by others words”…It’s NOT about you at this moment, Judith!
BPD sufferers are “Not Bad”…their disorder is! But it’s impossible when others don’t know you are BPD disordered. They don’t know about your BPD problem. It’s NOT their responsibility to know or incumbent upon them to care. They have their own problems!
Of course the BPD afflicted are capable of doing some good and bringing some productivity to their communities and other’s lives. We know that.
The problem is all the terrible things BPD’s bring do and perpetuate against others and how they don’t take any responsibility for what they have done and worse…keep on doing!
To a normal person, the BPD is an evil slag POS and does not deserve ANY consideration.
As a BPD yourself, it is important for you to keep that in your mind! YOU are the one who is NOT normal! YOU are the one with deficits in empathy! YOU are the one hurting people!
I will tell you what I told my BPD ex…”You cannot go around hurting people and destroying others lives and still expect them to be unaffected by what you have done to them!
IT DOESN’T MATTER if what you have done against others was NOT done on Purpose!
IT DOESN’T MATTER how YOUR FEELINGS are hurt or “Stings” when people express how a BPD has hurt them.
IT DOESN’T MATTER how “hard you try” and aspire to do good and present yourself as a good person to others.
Because to the people you are railing against have been severely injured by someone who thought and believed the very same way you do!
BPD’s always “Wave the white hanky” of the “Damsel in Distress” and proclaim themselves as the “Polly Purebread” who is searching for her “Underdog”.
THERE IS NO CULT! There are only the wounded who have been betrayed, and hurt by the BPD’S hurtful behavior. You must have sympathy and understanding for them FIRST! NOT for you!
The problem is your own narcissistic dynamics that predisposes you to think, act and speak “ME FIRST!” “MY FEELINGS” “WHAT I DO” “ME, ME ME…!”
You cannot turn things around on everybody else and focus on what they say. They had to have had a bad experience for them to express those feelings to begin with. It was NOT their fault!
It’s good that you try to keep your behavior in check. It’s good that you know when you are about to act out and try to stop your behavior. IT’S EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD YOU ARE SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP! REALLY!
Just focus on yourself. Se those statements as a wake-up call to help keep you committed to treatment and overcoming your disorder. Don’t worry about what others say.
Because the truth is…if every BPD out there in the world were as truly committed to overcoming their Borderline Personality Disorder as you seem to be and acted on that commitment and entered treatment, you would gradually see a dramatic decrease in “Stinging” Statements like the ones you’ve read until there were none to be found!
Take responsibility for your own BPD! Get DBT treatment! And continue of your road to recovery and healing.
I’m sorry Sophie but you are incorrect. Borderline Personality Disorder is a Narcissistic Malady. In the DSM-IV it is listed in the Axis II Cluster-B pantheon of Narcissistic Disorders. “Self-Loathing” is a symptom of the disorder…NOT the disorder itself. I recommend you read the books, “Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies” and “The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook”. There is a lot of information you might find interesting and informative.
Dear Carnivalee…
It’s okay to be afraid. Just don’t fear control your life!
Try to keep positive about yourself. Just focus on your own treatment and behavior and you will do as well as most Non’s (Non Disordered) do. If you are constantly focussed on managing your disorder and practicing the guidance from a good qualified therapist who specializes in BPD treatment, you have a good chance of living a balanced life.
That being said, I see no reason why you should disclose your disorder to everyone you meet. Hold back a bit for a time. See where the relationship takes you. If your partner begins to express a sincere desire for a more lasting commitment, then perhaps you can disclose your condition and educate him (Or her) about it. Perhaps introduce him/her to your therapist for more disclosure and how best to conduct your relationship.
Your comment is interesting because you have expressed the very same fear of experiencing what many people have experienced when discarded by a BPD. Personally, I can relate because I have been discarded. I understand what you are afraid of. I’m NOT BPD myself, but I have done extensive study and research on the disorder.
Have you ever heard of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (BPD)? It has been the most productive treatment to date for people with BPD. Perhaps you can ask a therapist about it and if could be beneficial to you.
Keep a positive outlook. NOT everyone we meet is meant to be our life-partner! Some people are only capable of the odd casual encounter. It depends on what you want for your own life.
“Hot-Crazy-Girl Sex” is great…but you are supposed to be a COMPLETE person. Sex shouldn’t define you…only a part of you.
As for the “Crazy-Girl” you might be, try not to take yourself so seriously. We ALL have moments of “Craziness” in our lives. Some more than others. You just have to try to have MORE Rational and Balanced moments than the crazy moments, okay? DBT therapy treatment will help you do that! Take control of your disorder instead of being at the mercy of it!
Develop other aspects of yourself besides your sexuality. Become active in a community service such as helping the elderly, or tutoring a child or feeding the homeless or something like that. Don’t let yourself be cut-off from others and try to develop empathy for others with empathic activities.
But First and foremost, take action and commit yourself to wellness and a balanced healthy life. Seek out DBT treatment.
NAMI – National Alliance of Mental Illness says:
Borderline Personality Disorder rarely stands alone. BPD occurs with, and complicates, other disorders.
Co-morbidity with other disorders:
Major Depressive Disorder – 60 percent
Dysthymia (chronic, moderate to mild depression) – 70 percent
Eating Disorders – 25 percent
Substance Abuse — 35 percent
Bipolar Disorder — 15 percent
Antisocial Personality Disorder — 25 percent
Narcissistic Personality Disorder — 25 percent
In truth I have seen those suffering from BPD morph from classic BPD into Antisocial, Narcissistic and Historionic depending on the circumstances. Cluster Bs all seem to share the same common broken ‘root’ cause.
Honestly you can’t blame ALL of that on her BPD. Some of it yes, because not everyone is strong enough to cope. If you have a disorder, it also mixes in with your genetics and what type of person you originally are. I have BPD and I could never even imagine doing the horrible things you say she did. She seems to be a bitchy, fake person if that’s how she really turned out. And a cheater is a cheater, NOT someone with a disorder.. I love how you say ‘These women are masters at lying and masters at manipulation’, when you are only speaking of ONE MAJOR BITCH. I am certainly not a liar or manipulator, those are two things I absolutely can’t stand in ANY human being. My point is, please stop categorizing us girls as all the same. WE ARE NOT. Sounds to me like you were just dealing with a fake bitch who happen to have the disorder. Because besides all of the termoil that it causes while surfaced, you can still always tell what kind of person they are at heart, if they have one .
everything you have said and others on this page is spot on with a bpd female. I had to deal with a bpd who denies it and also a bipolar. We were friends at first and I was told lies about her exes and how everyone is cruel to her blah blah. I am a soldier and had that hero complex or knight whatever you want to call it. I know I am a strong individual but this has ruined my life my sanity. I pretty much lost everything because of her. My finances, my job, my sense of self. Yes I would catch her on all kinds of social media giving out her number making plans for dates. She would hang out with guys behind my back exes, guys who wanted to bone her and most likely she was. I left her after just 3 months and then she tried to kill herself and I felt bad for her and realized she was seriously sick. She had no support from her mother which I think is also a bpd because she puts her ex husband through the same thing and note has 5 kids from 5 men. she had no father growing up or mother till 15 and was molested as a kid and the step dad even tried to get some. I came back helped her go to therapy go see docs get meds for her bipolar at the time and whatever else. I later realized it was more than just bipolar was like 3 illnesses which she would lie about or deny. Her mother told me and couldn’t remember one might have been schitzo. ince I have a brother who suffers from it and put my family through hell while I was out fighting wars, I thought I could handle it or understand it better than anyone else since she had no support system. 5 months in while shes in therapy she cheated with a guy while I was busy working for the army behind my back in her house calling him a friend which I had to find out on my own a week later since im military police and those investigative instincts just kick in. she also had sex with me the next day like nothing happened. when I found out once again I left her only for her to cry and act like the victim and say he raped her which I didn’t believe much at first and later she manipulated me so much I felt like I just wanted to kill this guy and almost tried to. I was on constant danger always having to deal with dozens of men from her past or present which were usually drug dealers, pimps, or felons. I had to always protect her from “stalkers” which she probably slept with in the past who come back for more since shes a pretty girl and they know shes EASY. 6 months in I find out this girl used to be a prostitute for years another thing she hid from me and even tried to do it first few months of our relationship. everyday I would find out about another guy she slept with and she had told me it was only 3 soon I lost count im sure it was over 50 literally I knew about im thinking it could be over a 100. at this point I lost myself depressed, stressed everyday on top of that trying to cope from ptsd n tbi from war and trying to help this girl at the same time. she acted like the perfect girl at times and then she doesn’t get her way act like a 5 year old and do impulsive things to put herself and me in danger or in turmoil. pathological lying was always present even when I caught her and had proof. then she would claim she had amnesia. she has claimed to got raped many times and the stories were half true and some of those times I would put the blame on her since she put herself in those situation over and over and not learning from it. this relationship became abusive and yes she hit me before and I had to grab her and she said I hit her and the neighbors were all taking her side and looking at me like some woman beater. I started hating her and never hit a woman before there were times I almost lost it and just punched the wall. I tried to leave again 7 months in and then her mother kicks her out on the streets for the 5th time and here I am feeling sorry cuz of her tears and victim role and helping her find a place staying with her I couldn’t even work had to take a break from the army I thought I had lost my career. I was constantly humiliated embarrassed disrespected in everyway possible. I did so much and sacrificed so much for this person to be played again. I had enough 2 months ago and walked out for good and suspected her of prostituting again while she had a regular honest job now past year. I felt like I pretty much saved her life and taught her right but it was all a waste because they will never change. I had enough and am now getting my life back together back in the army after a 9 month break and going back to school and working. I’m not sure which was worse war or coming home after it a dealing with a evil person like this so is so devious and self centered. I figured out a few months ago it was all the symptoms of bdp and even confronted her and she denies shes ill. even though shes diagnosed bipolar and possibly bpd already which she tries to hide. they cant hear the truth about themselves and the shame thing also is on point and try to hide reality and put on this good girl role in front of other and turn everyone against you with lies and make you out to the crazy one. her mom was came back in her life and brainwashed her and now im labeled as the bad guy. if it weren’t for me this girl would probably have aids by now or have been found dead in a dumpster. they are very selfish and will never change I have cut off all contact and a month later she tries to contact me and mess with my head with I miss you and acts like she cares now which I ignored. I tried my best I couldn’t save her and now I realize it’s not my job to. I did all I could more than any man would for that woman. I felt like I was the doctor, parent, boyfriend, caretaker all in one because I always had to play those roles for her to get her act right which she would for a little bit but now ive lost all hope and realize THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE. I have so much more to say and am feeling down right now and about to head on a mission in a few days so im trying to get myself back together. I did love her and care about her and still do in some way but I know I have to take care of me first now and continue doing good things for the world like I have before and get my life back.
Never heard of the ‘waif’ until now; it explains a great deal of the *exact* behaviors I experienced. Thanks, Zeke. This hurt to read but I’m better for it.
Here is a good primer on the Waif:
http://gettinbetter.com/waif.html
Thank you for posting this. This is the issue I have. And yes, I do have the daddy issues as well. I took every psych rotation in college so I happen to also be a self aware. I’m not impulsive and I tend to keep my freakouts all in my head. And most of my friends (the friends I’ve managed to keep) are guys. I wish there was a website where real borderlines could answer questions rather than people who don’t know what they are talking about and think they read smart articles on the subject matter. Again, thank you for posting another side of BPD.
http://www.downwardspiralintothevortex.com This site really helped my Ex.
Me too, everyone is different yet they all categorized us as the exact same. No two people are the exact same, disorder or not. It’s called being CLOSED MINDED. Basing everyone off of their experience is fucking WEAK, so why thank these people calling us monsters and saying were all evil bitches??.
Me too, everyone is different yet they all categorized us as the exact same. No two people are the exact same, disorder or not. It’s called being CLOSED MINDED. Basing everyone off of their experience is fucking WEAK, so why thank these people calling us monsters and saying were all evil bitches??.
thank you! it’s hard enough having this disorder but being aware means coping and finding treatment. I personally am determined to over come this disorder much like others who have similar
you can find the book in your library or a local book store. It called DBT . it also explains on how and why your feeling that way and what you can to shut it down before we go crazy lol.
same here I do go crazy but I know when to just shut my emotions down and think. I took DBT CLASSES and they are awesome. Not every woman will act that way some just take advantage of it ill say.
try healingfrombpd.org, i have lots of bpd friends on twitter and dbt is becoming the standard coping technique. maybe there are these girls out there who need HELP and these guys are too self absorbed and uncompassionate to advise them towards help. i peronally am living with bpd had a very hard childhood and just want someone to love and take care of me without being judging when i freak out, god forbid hold my hand and talk on a level about why im freaking out. usually stems from PTSD and past trauma all the lovely STIGMA! well done guys, round of applause
Thank you for posting this. This is the issue I have. And yes, I do have the daddy issues as well. I took every psych rotation in college so I happen to also be a self aware. I’m not impulsive and I tend to keep my freakouts all in my head. And most of my friends (the friends I’ve managed to keep) are guys. I wish there was a website where real borderlines could answer questions rather than people who don’t know what they are talking about and think they read smart articles on the subject matter. Again, thank you for posting another side of BPD.
not all the time we directed them at what or who is pissing us off at the moment. then we brush it off like a bad habit lol
I agree with this apart from that whole daddy issue thing. None of you have a clue about bpd. And bpd is not only for girls men have it too…
Nuff Said!
YOU ARE SPOT ON ACCURATE! BRAVO!
Always remember: Hot, Smart, Sane. Pick Two.
I used to desire smart girls until I started banging them
There are very few women that even have one of those characteristics…let alone two.
You are correct. Two is the most you can hope for.
Smart and Sane then.
Modern psychology/psychiatry is a bogus science meant to enslave people’s minds and believes into a rigid system, and also to make billions of dollars for the psychiatric drug companies.
A quick fact: People who take psychiatric drugs live on average 15 YEARS LESS than people who do not take psychiatric drugs.
Another interesting fact: The co-author of the DSVM book admitted that there is no way to biologically test for any of these “mental disorders”. Thus, there is no actual proof that ANY of these “disorders” is even real. Then why are they treating such “disorders” with drugs? Once again. Modern psychiatry is simply a tool for big pharma to make BILLIONS of dollars a year, pushing their bogus science.
Don’t buy into this bullshit. Don’t take psychiatric drugs. Keep your mind and body healthy and free.
Yeah! Go with the good old lobotomy! Or suicide
Or just try to live a balanced life, eating right, avoiding junk foods and chemicals, and avoid social groups full of crazy people (which in America is impossible, since 99 percent of women in America are brainwashed by feminism and feminism IS a mental disorder).
I find it very funny how people OUTSIDE of America are totally sane, emotionally balanced, psychologically healthy, etc.
Why then are Americans so fucked up? It is due to the culture of feminism, Marxism, liberalism, political correctness, Affirmative Action, and so on.
Cultural Marxism, of which feminism is the worst aspect, IS a mental disorder.
You should get out more. There are plenty of nutters everywhere else.
You should get out more. There are plenty of nutters everywhere else.
You should get out more. There are plenty of nutters everywhere else.
I’ve been all over India and Asia. And most people are pretty sane. Now, the greater the influence of western culture, the greater the instance of people who appear to be mentally unbalanced. Like in South Korea, for example, I saw a few people who seemed to be completely frustrated and at the end of their ropes. But SK is a very westernized country.
Western culture IS the disease, western culture IS the mental illness.
Oh come on, I m in Germany and are in this devastating phase that I have to overcome one.
I tend to agree – the whole BPD thing came as a “solution” for those who have personality issues, but who decided to pass them onto their environment, when they realized that it was:
a) easier
b) supported by courts and society in general
Riffed on it.
http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2013/04/wife-test-introduction-and-batshit-crazy.html
Great post Ian, I enjoy your blog a lot.
Do not be this guy either:
http://asserttrue.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-i-fell-in-love-with-schizophrenic.html
A few quotes from the article:
” We laugh now when we tell friends how we met. It’s with great pride that I tell people, in complete seriousness, that I met, and fell in love with, a schizophrenic on Craigslist.”
” Two abortions later, Sally had herself sterilized.”
” When she recovered from the suicide attempt, Sally left Mr. World of Warcraft.
Three more suicide attempts would follow, in a space of four years.”
” I’ve told Sally many times, I never want to go on a first date ever again. I’ll never be interested in another woman. I’ll throw myself in front of a bus for her if she wants it. I’ll run naked through the streets if she says to. (I pray she never becomes that crazy, of course.) There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for Sally.”
Jesus… That’s serious scarcity paradigm.
Don’t even get me started.
BPD girls are just good enough until you banged them.
I never heard the autism thing. You should do an article on autism and masculinity too.
Thanks for the idea, I may just do that.
The wild eyed girl dancing on the bar with the drink in her hand? Good chance she’s BPD. Handle her like you would plutonium-back off and move away.
NitroGlycerin
handle her like the devil himself… don’t show you know what they are about, don’t blink, wait for music to stop and carefully walk away, while watching your back… and then – good luck.
Been there many times. One in particular…Threatened with rape accusations (never even had sex with her), showed up at my home wasted, showed up at my work ranting and raving. God forbid I would be in the gym to not answer her texts that would escalate from hello to complete lunacy within 20 minutes. The best day of the entire “relationship” was the day she sent me a FB message that said something to the tune of “sorry I made up all that rape stuff”
I can attest to the sex. The best sex I have ever had is with the psycho bitches
Fucking true
Not only don’t stick your dick in crazy, don’t spend any time alone with her. You *will* be accused.
Well, if you have to, at least keep a camera rolling.
“Your Bedroom Experience May Be Recorded for Quality Control Purposes”
I dated a BPD chic for two years. She was ridiculously hot. Even though I figured out she was BPD after about 9 months of dating, I stayed with her.
While she is crazy, it gave me some of the best $hit tests I have ever had in life, and now I bat them down with ease.
Another plus-side…..when you dance with the devil and are able to walk away, you develop an ability for spotting them. I know of four other women in my life who display all of the signs my ex did. And that fits the 2% average fairly well, so I have no doubt.
One thing for sure, having slept with two BPD’s in my life, for some reason their vag just feel so much more amazing than other girls. My orgasms were more intense than with any other girl. And the second BPD was just a one time sex act so it definitely wasn’t cognitive related.
it’s so crazy how the sex/intamacy keeps you going.
I broke up with my ex bpd about a month ago.
But I swear – the one thing that keeps me thinking about going back is the intimacy!
Will she possibly drunkenly drive off in her car in the middle of the night after? More than likely.
Will she cheat on you during one of her episodes of abandonment when you forget to answer the phone? Yeah, that will probably happen.
Will she sacrifice the sanctity of the relationship to alleviate her emotional anxiety temporarily? Yeah, yeah she will.
BUT THE SEX IS SOOO GOOD I’M GONNA JUST LOOK RIGHT PAST ALL THAT!
Heartiste wrote a profile years ago about this type of girl. The Eternal Ingenue. Here’s a choice quote from the article:
“Perfection is the enemy of settling. Eternal Ingenues run a risk of
growing older alone. They won’t be cougars — they’re too feminine,
cute and coy for that — but they are the most likely to end up cat
ladies babbling to themselves about their potted marigolds. She can
avoid this fate by being more hard-headed, but that has its cost.
Cultivation of her pragmatic side will weaken her otherworldy whimsical
side, which is the big generator of her power.
An element of the Ingenue’s search for the perfect love
is that she must convince herself that all her previous loves were wrong
or bad or not “real” love at all, so they didn’t count, because, you
see, for her the only perfect love is first love. As a result of all
this self-deception, she is able to seem virginal even when she is not.
This falls right into line with one of my maxims.
Maxim #7: The sweeter and more innocent a girl seems, the greater the likelihood she has been in a gangbang.”
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/09/17/how-to-handle-femmes-fatales-part-2a/
Borderlines are extremely dangerous, especially if you’re the type of person who’s a natural leader. If you’re the sort who likes helping others and fixing their problems, the Borderline is a never-ceasing well of difficulty, sucking you deeper into her world of insanity as you try and make patterns out of nothing.
I nearly went to prison because of one of them.
I did a video on the Borderline a while back – explaining what’s going on in their twisted lizard brain, and how to avoid it, part of a series on Schedule II Personality Disorders. the video’s here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTfEiz4Nbc&list=PL61EC5873360F314D&index=5
I was pimping you out in another comment. I got great value out of watching your series of clips on personality disorders. I think they should be mandatory viewing for guys that spend a lot of time in nightclubs as that environment seems to attract more than its fair share of these girls.
Thanks, man – it’s also telling that the BPD video is the one the drew out all the BPD people hating on me. They crave attention, even negative attention.
This is true. 100% true. Im also a BPD, pretty high functioning, never realized it until recently ha… explains a lot actually and I’m really thankful to know that is there a REASON im the way I am, because I never understood why I acted to out of line and as much as I wanna play victim here, i know it’s me and i’ll admit some of this. I always knew I was “off” but didn’t realize why. The goal isn’t to cure but to become more self aware. SO, with that being said, yes… attention 100%. I used to call up my bf at 2 in the morning for no reason other than I wanted to talk, didn’t care that he was sleeping because “he should have called me earlier when he arrived home and chose to hang out with his friends 4 hours longer instead” leaving me to be alone and internally raged. Positive attention is also welcomed lol, any attention is welcomed. Fight me but just don’t leave. It quickly turned into a violent conversation, as expected and planned, but “at least he was giving me attention now.” It’s messed up. I’ll be honest, I can fly off the hinges at any and every moment.. you so much as look at me wrong and it’s gonna be an entirely different evening… It’s kind of cool because our weaknesses are actually positives when placed in the right context. Example… i’m over sensitive, but very empathetic which is good for me since I’m a nurse (scary thought, I know haha but at work im very professional, i get appreciated MOST of the time and enjoy taking care of people.) I’m impulsive but exciting. (Strangely, a lot of guys prefer me for this reason alone… they kind of enjoy the crazy, so that’s good for me i suppose haha.) I’m intense but passionate, which helps me with my art and i think very, very outside of the box. I’m needy, but also 100% willing to please – loyal (actually… loyal until I have you.. then i start to drift so.. meh, but i will do anything for somebody I actually love like my family and best friends.. the bpd only REALLY affects my intimate relationships.) Unstable sense of self… flexible (this is constant and so miserable. I idolize people who are just one way all the time.. Probably explains why I pick assertive people, they help me feel more complete..) So, I’m sure you already know all of this being the intelligent guy you are, but just felt inspired to give feedback lol.
You can get to be better, and even perfectly well and happy, only because of your attitude – I salute you. (no I am not sarcastic!)
The most important thing is – self-awareness, and you seem to have it. Then, concentration, learning self-love, self-esteem and so on, and you will be just fine. God helps too, but is not that popular these days 🙂
well thanks! im trying. i read above someone mentioning how its interesting that were like a entry out of the dsm. this also amazed me. i initially went to therapy because of binging and being depressed.. i finally reached a poiny where i figured i might as well because my life was being torn apart. when i started looking into all of this (as far as how others experience it) i dont find myself getting upset, but moreso intruiged. its crazy how we are yes different but still SO similar. i tell you what once i realized that i was the problem and that bpd exists.. i felt extreme relief. why am i so anxious, why am i so delusional, why am i scaring guys away, why do my self esteem suck, why do i only want narcis… just a list and to know that everything was manufactured from one origin was pretty neat. as far as how it originated.. i dont remember ever being raped or anything but at the time all my symptoms really started appearing my family was going through a difficult time. I also read somewhere that if borderlines were to repair their self esteem, theyd become narcissists and i agree with this as well. its just neat to see… but i do sympathize for people trying to maintain a relationship with one of us. i kno for a fact im a pain in the ass and what ive come to realize is that in order to have a successful relationship with me, i HAVE to respect you. you cannot let me walk over u in any sense. ill test it too with little things. im also a pro manipulator… but it sucks for me the last guy i saw worked in psych and i swear he picked up on it almost IMMEDIATELY or within the first few encounters, i had NO chance… but even knowing that 8 months later hes still around and actually requested that i block him so he wont talk to me lol i was like what?! anyways this response is getting out of control now lol but i hope to be able to eventually maintain a good relationship and understand and catch myself when i start slipping towards impulses or rage. thanks for the support though i do appreciate it.
You’re welcome. BTW, no one , BPD or otherwise, will be happy in any relationship before they learn to be happy on their own. Make that your goal – learn to be happy and whole and feel complete, while being alone (not lonely and with no friends). Be alone to start to feel yourself, learn what you like, what your values are and so on. Once you are happy in your own skin, you may slowly try to introduce yourself to the outside world.
Then comes the next challenge: dealing with the crazy world around you. Just as we become sane(r), we realize how insane the world is. Instead of getting praise or support for our advancements, we get stomped on and criticized for being different… that’s the final challenge – staying strong and holding on to what is right, DESPITE everyone around you being against that.
That’s where God comes into play – with Him you are never alone.
This was an excellent video. Thanks for posting.
Hi Aurini, John Rambo here, founder of Boycott American Women. I like your videos.
While I don’t doubt that many women are fucked up in the head, the fact is, it is CULTURE that makes them that way. NOT some biological or chemical deficiency in the brain, which is what the bogus science of modern psychiatry is preaching.
A quick fact: People who take psychiatric drugs live on average 15 YEARS LESS than people who do not take psychiatric drugs.
Another interesting fact: The co-author of the DSVM book admitted that there is no way to biologically test for any of these “mental disorders”. Thus, there is no actual proof that ANY of these “disorders” is even real. Then why are they treating such “disorders” with drugs? Once again. Modern psychiatry is simply a tool for big pharma to make BILLIONS of dollars a year, pushing their bogus science.
Don’t buy into this bullshit. Don’t take psychiatric drugs. Keep your mind and body healthy and free.
Oh, I’m completely in agreement there. While there’s biological predisposition to Schedule IIs, they’re often induced environmentally. Take a culture that 1)puts people at risk through broken families, and 2) excuses bad behaviour in women, and you get out of control BPDs.
100 years ago Schizophrenia was cured 70% of the time; now, thanks to Lithium, it’s cured… 0% of the time. Modern psychology is 75% bullshit, with only a few good ideas to be found.
I heard of a woman who cured her schizophrenia with a raw food diet… kind of interesting to think about 🙂
I love your videos man
Borderlines are not dangerous; you only feel the need to help someone out like that if you are weak and feeding off the attention from this sick person. A real leader would recognize a lost cause and not waste his time, right?
BPD women are amazing
Aurini from ‘StaresAtTheWorld’ has a great series of youtube clips about personality disorders eg borderline, narciccist, bipolar etc. He talks about how to spot them, how they think and what causes the disorder {mainly childhood stuff}. He also talks about which personality types are susceptible {read: super attracted} to which disorders. Well worth checking out if you find this valuable information.
My experience is that most–maybe a majority–of Americhicks suffer from histrionic disorder, or narcissistic disorder, or both. These are amplified by years of being told they are special snowflakes and can do no wrong, and that life is all funsy-wunsy and frivolous. And then they find out otherwise. Add to that: after marriage and childbearing, most of them suffer from postpartum depression. So, bottom line is that most are walking magma domes of neuroses and psychological baggage. My solution: focus on foreign women, and use Americhicks as playthings, never to be taken seriously, while exercising good judgment and a healthy dose of caution.
Amen.
I met a girl like this just a couple of weeks ago. When we met she took a sudden and intense interest in me, and after the first day we were writing and texting copiously. But I realized that she was prone to dramatic mood swings, and before a week had passed she was taking offence at literally *everything* I said, so I realized it was time to back off. I had to do it carefully since we work together. Some of what this article says is eerily accurate; my particular friend is obsessed with her cute cat but also loves reading about serial killers. I won’t be darkening her door again.
“If autism is hyper-masculinization of the brain, it may help to think of BPD as characterizing hyper-feminization of the brain.” Right on, man, right on.
“If autism is hyper-masculinization of the brain, it may help to think of BPD as characterizing hyper-feminization of the brain.” Right on, man, right on.
“If autism is hyper-masculinization of the brain, it may help to think of BPD as characterizing hyper-feminization of the brain.” Right on, man, right on.
“If autism is hyper-masculinization of the brain, it may help to think of BPD as characterizing hyper-feminization of the brain.” Right on, man, right on.
Just out of a relationship with a borderline.
I’ve never been more attracted to somebody in my life. Beautiful, hyper feminine, “innocent” acting, caring and generous (when it suits her), romantic, incredible pussy and sex (!). Also completely fucked with my head, cheated on me, most neediness I’ve ever experienced in another person (until she goes from hot to cold), seeks validation from other men often. I also suspect that I was being lied to often and manipulated as well.
It was a grizzly experience. Been told “I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you” followed up by an episode of cheating. “I want to marry you” followed by a week of cold shoulder.
Things eventually degenerated rather awfully, but there was a sweet period that felt like the blue pill jackpot. Knowing what I now know about BPD, I could probably never truly fall for another one. But oh how I wish I could relive the BPD honeymoon period again! Best illusion of woman, best sex. Jesus.
If you’re getting involved with one, know that you’re in for a DESTRUCTIVE experience. But also know that teh sex will most likely be the best. If I could go back, I’d probably do it again, if only to master my game in the honeymoon phase. But with the borderline, you never know when things are gonna go south…. Does that make me a masochist? Nah, Id say more like a drug addict.
Oh well. Happy hunting men. You’ve been warned
Yes, Y. Was the best, with one short micromovement she got me hot, unbelievable, only fixated on herself it was a pussy game to die for. But no discussion possible, she cut off communication with an unvisible cold sharp knife in order to make me begging her. i found pornomovies under her real name in the net, I found out that she left me on Sunday at half past ten not to pick up her little daughter but to meet a friend to have sex infront of a webcam, she let her daughter decide where we would stay overnite ( her place or mine) and right in the middle of an intercourse she would stop to remove hair from her left tit, bored.
I felt controlled, manipulated, nor allowed to discuss anything amd when ee had spent the first unbelievable weekend she told me how she had fucked another guy with an anus praeter and had the most passionate orgasme ever, unfortunately the window of the club had been open and her spouse waitng for her to pick her up outside had whitnessed this therapeutic orgasm. I nearly fell off the bed, but she calmly was surprised why I was terrified. This started a series of stories told by her in the weeks to come, out of the blue, mostly in moments when I was close to her.
So I broke off with her. i think that she fucks her therapist now.
But I still feel like lovin her, and I feels like cold turkey to stay away from her. It s hard to accept.
http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/dsmiv.htm
the more you know.
B-but you’re being a neurotypicalist!
Haha
Wow man,you are an idiot. I have mental issues however I’ve been married for 3 years, and we’re more in love now then we have ever been. All people can be unstable at times, but if you have a heart, and find someone attractive you can eventually work through it, or find ways to get around the issues or cope with them. If every one took your warning seriously, I probably wouldn’t be here today. If my husband hadn’t taken the challenge and supported me through the hardest time in my life, I would be seriously fucked.
And just cause some one has BPD doesn’t mean they can’t be lovely interesting people. They are still people and still have positive things to contribute to a relationship. I’ve met people who weren’t diagnosed who are a million times more fucked up then those who are, and I don’t think your opinions are helping any one, only harming those who want a chance to be loved.
:::Over the top insult about someone based on little evidence::: :::Declaration of extreme feelings for someone else::: :::Solipsistic dismissal of article premise based on a single mentally disordered person’s highly atypical experience::: :::Outlandish claim about being saved from personal circumstances:::
:::Meaningless anti-generalization::: :::Non-sequitur about undiagnosed people who are mentally ill::: :::Reductionist plea to sympathy:::
Call me crazy (get it??), but I think I’m going to believe the dozens of men in this thread telling me it was the most destructive experience of their lives over a woman who lucked into finding a chump who would put up with her self-destructive bullshit.
Thanks for proving my point though.
The dozens of misinformed people making generalizations about women they’ve been hurt by in the past. Biased stories you can’t base every case on. How many of you have BPD yourselves? How many of you have experienced any mental disorders yourselves? If you have suffered, you would know how much pain people with mental disorders go through and you wouldn’t sit there and rip anyone with a disorder a new one.
Her story is not a highly atypical experience. Are you a psychologist? Do you specialize in BPD? Do you have a case load full of BPD suffering women who are all like this?
Also, how many of you actually know for sure the women you dated had BPD? Stop over generalizing people with a disorder and stop the stigmatization. It would be like walking up to any of you guys and saying “You’re a guy with black hair, you’re probably really violent and I’m basing this off my experience of the fact that one boyfriend with black hair that was very violent”. You didn’t choose your natural hair color: We don’t choose to have this disorder. You have no idea how mental disorders work, you only know what you’ve seen from the outside. Try talking with someone from this group you’ve just bashed before you go writing a how to guide on them.
You criteria to “spot one” could also be used for spotting narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. BPD is nothing like that. In those 3 disorders the person doesn’t understand what their doing is wrong or they just don’t care that they’re hurting others. They have no remorse. People with BPD have remorse, despite what many non-professionals claim.
You only think she “proved your point” because you don’t want to believe we can be better than what you’ve posted. One person posts a story that goes against your whole article and you immediately shut it down, telling them what they’ve said is sentimental bullshit, when in fact, it’s jut another side of the story of dating people with BPD, just like the stories you all have been posting, hers was just positive. That’s not being a very objective writer.
fuck off
“People with BPD have remorse, despite what many non-professionals claim.”
Umm, BS. That’s flat-out false. If you puruse the literature on BPD, there are many references to the fact that BPDs lack empathy and tend to lack the capacity for remorse.
I think you’re confusing that with antisocial personality disorder. How many psychology courses have you taken, Docteur? How many mental illnesses do you personally suffer from?
That sounds more like a narcissist or sociopath to me.
How many psych courses have I taken? Tons. I’ve also read virtually every book ever written about bpd. And tons and tons of articles. And attended countless forums on it. I was in a nightmare 4-year relationship with a borderline, which was how I got interested in the topic. Two of my best friends wer also in nightmare relationships with borderlines. So I know of what I speak.
BTW, you don’t have to be mentally ill to understand what BPD is all about. Just sayin’.
They only have remorse when it serves their selfish pruposes… which makes it – false remorse, an act, just like everything else in their lives.
Thank you for writing that, BK. I think a lot of commenters are being completely candid in their defense of BPDs, but they don’t know how bad it can be.
We, as consumers of the article, don’t care if you are diagnosed BPD. We care if you act like the crazy BPDs described. Its replicable and easily identifiable. It would be a shame to not share that information.
Doll, It’s a fact men hurt worse over a breakup than women and suffer depression in relation to the loss. I read a lot and see much bashing of women online by men about the women that left them or they had to leave because it would never work. The point is unless you are a doctor or an expert with credentials…. Everything here is just blah blah blah.
If you have BPD – who cares what anybody says here? Sure, the OP is not doing anyone any favors giving advice to others about something he surely knows nothing about. Much of what he’s written is true in any bad relationship. My advice is to stop trolling internet posts and trying to force similarities or project what you think you know on others and look at your own behavior.
What was my part in what happened? How can *I* become more self aware about my *own* behavior? And be on the lookout the next time you find someone you’d like to spend time with. If a man tells me his ex was crazy – I believe him. It only gets as crazy as YOU let it.
As for Jodi Arias – I never read she had BPD, but it’s the first thing I thought of. You do realize Travis was nothing like he was portrayed in court or the news and it’s been said he had NPD *Narcissistic* and I can see that. Further, most BPD’s are strongly attracted to those whom abused them as children – NPD’s. So if you are on here discussing the untreated BPD female psycho who done ya wrong – there’s a STRONG chance you at the very least have traits of Narcissistic PD. Again, take a look at yourself because it takes two.
No, if someone has BPD, they cannot be lovely and interesting people. Unless, by “lovely” and “interesting” you mean – manipulative in bed and batshit crazy…
If you think you don’t fit in that category, then you are most likeyl a delusional BPD, like most others.
Here’s the TL:DR version: Don’t stick it in the crazy.
Because if you do, you might as well do it again and again… again
It’s amazing how many of these crazy women have been raped or molested as children by the stepfathers, uncles, (much) older brothers, even their biological fathers. What comes around goes around.
Sometimes I think the Middle Eastern concept of family honor comes from the amazingly high prevalence of these family secrets
(i.e. In the Middle Eastern worldview: if she wasn’t a virgin when she married a> she’s going to be a crazy bitch and make her husband’s life miserable and b> it’s the family’s fault because one of the older men in her own family used her instead of protecting her.)
In the professional literature, it’s noted that there’s a high correlation between BPD and childhood abuse (be it sexual, physical, or emotional), and a high correlation between BPD and serious eating disorders.
I think that there is a PERFECT correlation, but it is hard to pinpoint and often is underreported…
For instance, it is enough to go through one short period (minutes only!) of abuse such as sexual abuse or being left alone as a toddler, and the rest of the life will be ruined.
That’s the sad part of BPD, but the saddest of all is that often the sufferer refuses help. That’s why we dislike them – because they have become the abuser with no interest in getting better.
That’s why I find the eating disorder correlation to be very interesting. In one piece on eating disorders that I read, they point out that someone with a serious eating disorder is “both the punisher and the victim”. And there’s a big focus on, and obsession with, CONTROL. My ex had a very serious eating disorder before I met her, and, unbeknownst to me at the time of our relationship, had BPD. You can really see the parallels when you drill down: just like people with eating disorders, people with BPD will often latch on to some incredibly stubborn, wilful course of action which is destructive, self-destructive or both. It’s like the “goal” doesn’t matter nearly so much as the display of will power, which the BPD sees as some form of extreme virtue: “look how I managed to deprive myself of _______; that makes me virtuous; that’s a sign of my self-discipline.” In both cases, it’s motivated by a sort of fear of loss of control. Bizarre stuff, scary yet fascinating.
I’ve had two in my life. Then there’s this poor guy: “Wife reveals $96,000 credit card debt” http://forums.menshealth.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/230100665/m/2391028417/p/1
This is disgusting, stigmatizing and not true. Your experience does not reflect reality.
Do an anonymous survey with your former boyfriends and see what they think.
Hah hah! You made me laugh!
HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU KNOW WHAT HIS EXPERIENCE WAS IN REALITY?
The egomaniacal side of you is here in full swing. You probably know by now that being ego-centric, with little regard for others, is one of the typical signs of BPD disorder. It is the thinking that the whole world should revolve around YOU and YOUR opinion, and that other people’s experiences are worthless, and wrong by default (since they are not – yours).
Be honest with yourself: you cannot know what someone else experienced, much less how it “reflects reality”…
If she’s wearing A LOT of makeup just to step out…she is a candidate for BPD! 😛 AVOID! She will beautify herself to distract you from her actual persona!
SHould link to Dr. Tara’s site as well. 🙂 http://www.shrink4men.com/2012/07/16/more-thoughts-on-fog-hoovers-and-no-contact-when-ending-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-borderline-histrionic-andor-sociopath/
Hey, look, a misogynistic and largely inaccurate post about BPD. How original. Thanks so much for these tips, but you know, no one forces you to hook up with borderlines, and maybe you want to look at yourself before placing blame solely on them. Also, these are gross generalizations, which actually do not apply to many girls with BPD. In fact, some of these characteristics occur frequently with other diagnoses, or even without any diagnoses, so singling out one group altogether is completely unfair. (Here’s another tidbit: maybe if you weren’t a jerk, you wouldn’t get some of these reactions. Consider learning some empathy, or maybe just don’t talk shit about entire groups based on a bad experience.)
Seems to be plenty of experiences here. My own were about the worst I’ve had in a relationship. She was later clinically diagnosed with “mild BPD”.
lol. no one forces anything. but when you get roped into these BPD fantasy relationships you are screwed. Run as fast as you can. they will destroy your life and not think twice about it or care.
Your attitude regarding placing the blame solely on the BPD, makes it very clear that you’ve never been on the receiving end of a BPD relationship. I’ve watched guys bend over backwards to accomodate their BPD, the problem isn’t the other person. The other person has had (and will again have) normal relationships, these types of relationship problems and behaviors are new to them. The problem is the irrational person with BPD.
Singling out this group is not only fair, its a service. If “entire groups” cause bad experiences (predictably and consistently), why on Earth wouldn’t we talk about them? If you are one of “many girls with BPD” to whom the characteristics don’t apply – then what are you worried about? All of us are judged by our behavior, if it fits the pattern of problematic people – we may expect to be treated as such.
Force is much less of an issue in dealing with BPD though. It is the manipulations, lies, and such that are an issue.
Otherwise, stealing people’s money through some scam is perfectly fine , right?
“no one forced you to put your money in hands of Bernard Madoff.”
I can see how empathy would help in dealing with Madoff… not…
To all my DC folks: Do any of the behaviors listed seem very common in the general dating pool here. Just wondering…
lol this is hilarious. I also noticed that DC is filled with personality disordered folks (narcissists, BPDs, sociopaths, etc.). They call it “the Hollywood for ugly people” and now I know why. I don’t plan on living here forever, thank God.
lol this is hilarious. I also noticed that DC is filled with personality disordered folks (narcissists, BPDs, sociopaths, etc.). They call it “the Hollywood for ugly people” and now I know why. I don’t plan on living here forever, thank God.
People with BPD all aren’t “crazy”, just to let you people know. If the person is self-aware about their disorder and has it under sufficient control, it really is no problem. I have been diagnosed with BPD- and while I do experience the urges to get out of hand, I have enough self awareness to refrain from that. And it does offend me to see you all stereotyping every single person with BPD as crazy.
You sound plenty crazy to me.
none of them have “sufficient control” and they will abuse the shit out of you and leave you for some other sucker.
Stitchex’s post ignores the well documented fact in the professional literature that BPDs tend to be lousy candidates for therapy, tend to be in massive denial (they spend most of their time projecting and abusing their intimates rather than looking inward) and overwhelmingly tend not to seek or go into therapy. They tend to have a massive array of deeply entrenched defence mechanisms, all of which militate against their ever coming to terms with what they truly are, much less seeking therapy. And when in therapy, they also tend to have bad outcomes because they’re so difficult to deal with (e.g., their tendencies to lie, deny, project blame, manipulate and have inaccurate memories all point to bad therapeutic outcomes).
Interesting. I have BPD. I actually was the first to suspect that I did. Then came the official diagnosis. I was sure I had it long before that, regardless.
Though I’ve experienced the urge to push a loved one away countless times, though I’m guilty of idealisation and devaluation, though I’ve driven myself around the bend with my anxiety, fears, guilt and suspicions, I keep this shit to myself. If I ever do express these things, I do it for the sake of sharing and never to convey a message to the effect of “Look. I feel bad. You did this. It’s your fault. Fix it.” That’s not even my line of thought. I express things sincerely and neutrally. In spite of that, I find it most ironical that when I do feel I’ve done wrong by someone and apologise, many of my non-BP peers are eager to take advantage of this by guilt-tripping me and using this event against me time and time again. The fact is most people, BP or not, are content in the belief that their behaviour is justified and that the blame always lies elsewhere.
I so often talk my way out of happiness. But sometimes, I manage to talk my way out of the pain too. I have always valued the ability to self-reflect. While I am highly emotional, volatile and riddled with guilt and fears of abandonment, I engage in frequent self-reflection–I daresay even more than the average non-BP. Many times my rationality becomes buried under a huge pile of typically irrational, fear-driven BPD thoughts; yet, I do my utmost to keep my crap together because the last thing I want to do is hurt others or overwhelm them. I was a lonely kid (as it often goes) and was abandoned by many “friends” who dropped me for the next best person. I was discriminated against for my looks, ethnicity and intelligence. During childhood and adolescence, I received overbearing love and praise from one parent and cold, hyper-discipilinarian treatment from the other. Both physically abused me. My childhood wasn’t pleasant and I would (emotionally and silently) latch on to any adult figure that would give me attention or acknowledge and validate my feelings. Not that they ever knew. I was a doormat and was overly nice to others growing up. I was passive and only learnt how to become assertive during high school. I constantly obsess over the pain of others. Yes, many BPDs will only blame others but there are many BPDs that blame only themselves. There are BPDs that will tell you they love you only to break up with you the week after and perhaps leave you emotionally destroyed but there are also BPDs that will tell you they love you and stay with you and talk to you about how they feel these weird urges to leave but they won’t because they know it’s self-preservation and hurt talking, not the love. Please don’t pigeonhole.
I understand your point, I do. But this is at best a layman’s guide. If you are a high functioning BPD that manages your problem, then for the purposes of this article you’re normal.
The reader’s aren’t interested in examining women’s medical history or the ins and outs of their diagnoses. They are interested in the early recognition of behaviors that indicate a potential mate could turn out to be a nightmare.
If someone does display these behaviors, then they may be a disaster until the behaviors start to subside in your 50s. If not, or if it is under control, then what’s the beef? None of us are perfect, but that doesn’t mean we have to let sons, brothers, and friends walk blindly into BPD buzz-saws.
Fair enough.
Either you are not as BPD as what others are talking about here, or you are delusional, which is typical of BPD.
“Crazy” is used as a relief valve for those who had to endure the torture due to making only one, terrible mistake: not being able to recognize the BPD when they first met them. When you think about it, after 15 years of mental torture of all kinds, it does some good to be able to call things for what they are, even if the word itself is, I admit, a little – rough, or insensitive.
Whoever wrote this is an uneducated, jaded fuck. And all of you who are listening to this ‘advice’ are just as ignorant.
uh-oh. A BPD read this and is fuming. Fuck Off!
This is one instance where your BPD ways do not work! Get help!
you should also mention that your LIFE will depend on it (by “it” i mean your decision to date a girl with borderline personality disorder [bpd]). case in point: jodi arias. chick has bpd. she feared of losing her boyfriend because he was moving on with his life and she couldn’t handle it so she flipped out. she’s on trial for stabbing her ex-boyfriend 29 times, shooting him in the head, and slitting his throat ear to ear. of course she claims self-defense.
I married one and can tell you that 18 years of crazy behavior made me crazy; BPD’s mess with your reality, your mind, and your heart, not to mention what they do to your kids. I’ve got one kid who hates me and refuses to ever see me again b/c his BPD mom f— his mind up during the divorce. I’ve got 3 others who are learning slowly that dad isn’t as bad as she says I am.
Man, I feel for you… going through exact same crap with my family…
I was naïve and had never heard of BPD. Thought I had found my soul mate. She concealed it quite well until we married and had two kids. Then the shit storm hit. Credit card bills over $80k, cheating, lying, manipulating. I did eventually get arrested and spent 42 days in jail for absolutely nothing but the cops believed her lies. It was the best thing that could have happened to me because I’m sure I would have ended up dead otherwise. The divorce was final about a month ago. I have since found out she was sleeping with tons of different people, even some of my 14 year old sons friends. I’ve been tested and amazingly enough I’m std free. I’m in therapy and working on myself with Shari Schreiber from gettinbetter.com She is an expert on BPD and the master when it comes to helping people nearly destroyed by a relationship with one. I’m slowing finding myself and the manosphere is helping. Educating young men about personality disorders should be mandatory in high schools.
You’re right that Shari Schreiber is one of the few people out there specializing in dealing with those who’ve been in relationships with Borderlines. Her writing style can be a bit melodramatic at times, but overall she’s got a lot of useful advice and generally her perspective is bang-on correct.
So much in common with the other posters who went through the hell of being addicted to a woman like those described in the article. She subtly tried to sabotage my life by gaining complete control, only to get slightly bored after any victory.
Mine called me up 6 months after I finally broke free, and left several VMs accusing me of forwarding all her mail to Alaska. With this irrational projection, I finally understood her worldview. I realized: Everything revolves around her; Mastering your psychology is a game to turn you into a pawn; They’ll use scorched earth tactics, while lying about it.
I’m not bitter, because it made the red pill easy to swallow.
I am a monster borderline woman and you know what? Thanks God all of your crazy bitches don’t know what you wrote here, if I found sth like that written by my ex he would be probably dead now 🙂
You can have amazing sex with normal women.
Best advice when you meet a BPD girl – run as fast and as far as you can.
If you’re just looking to fuck once and never call again that’s one thing – but a relationship? Don’t do it.
I cannot believe you actually believe this. Mental illness is hard to cope with, not all BPD’s are completely disengaged and it’s articles like this that spread ignorance & fear
Sigh, I really wish people would realize, not ALL borderlines are this way. There are different levels and severities. This would be a severely low functioning borderline. I for example am a high functioning, self aware with a college education. I see those reactions as downright insane and ridiculous. BUT, its my thoughts I have trouble with. I will overreact in my head or my mood may switch quick but I don’t freak out on people(normally) and I have a problem basically feeling like a hollow shell 24/7. And I’m SEVERELY empathetic rather than lacking empathy. Oh, and I’m very controlled. People need to realize, not ALL borderlines are this way, so if you meet a girl and she happens to mention she has BPD, don’t necessarily go running for the hills. Give her an honest shot. Just be smart.
Utter crap. Typical, responsibility avoidant, BPD crap. My ex was college educated, high functioning blah blah blah. At the end of the day, none of that meaningless bull sh*t detracts from the fact that BPDs are sh*tty wives and abusive mothers. I really wish all this misdirected BPD apologists would stop asking everyone to excuse their abuse. Are you kidding me?
Having a college education is no testament to integrity and sound, healthy character, I agree. That can be said about anyone. But the generalisation –which you seem to present as fact– that all BPDs are abusive and poor carers and partners is also a close-minded one. BorderlineChick isn’t asking anyone to excuse “their abuse”. The point of her message is neatly summed up in this line:
“People need to realize, not ALL borderlines are this way…”
Sigh, I really wish people would realize, not ALL borderlines are this way. There are different levels and severities. This would be a severely low functioning borderline. I for example am a high functioning, self aware with a college education. I see those reactions as downright insane and ridiculous. BUT, its my thoughts I have trouble with. I will overreact in my head or my mood may switch quick but I don’t freak out on people(normally) and I have a problem basically feeling like a hollow shell 24/7. And I’m SEVERELY empathetic rather than lacking empathy. Oh, and I’m very controlled. People need to realize, not ALL borderlines are this way, so if you meet a girl and she happens to mention she has BPD, don’t necessarily go running for the hills. Give her an honest shot. Just be smart.
I was falsely accused of R, by my girl of two years.
I tried to help her, but she stopped taking her meds.
Don’t just leave, RUN!
I was stalked, property stolen and destroyed.
Lost my career! Now I am laying low in Cancun.
Look for a new beginning.
20 years of marriage. three great kids. enough trauma to scare the dead. and I am not only learning to flee her influence, but to command my own presence and thrive from deep within my hidden soul.
well, the divorce isn’t totally final just yet…..hahahaha
the only survival is to remove yourself slowly.
Great articule if a bit over the top, I can understand why some BPD’s are getting upset but can totally understand the pain some of these guys have gone through. I just ended things with my ex about 2 weeks ago and she had BPD. ( I say ‘just’, this would be the the 4th maybe 5th we have broken up)
I met my ex a week after I moved to canada from england. When we met it was amazing we spent so much time together and of course we hooked up. She was my first real girlfriend and the most amazing person I have ever met we had so much in common however I believed her when she told me I didn’t know how to be in relasionship and that she knew what she was doing. She had me believeing awful things about myself like I would cheat on her or I could be dangerous or even commit murder. She got upset when I was with drawn but got angry when I showed any emottions she couldn’t handle. She teared me apart telling me it was for the best then left me in pieces telling me I was not her responceabilty. She would test me sometimes to see how much I really cared for or sometimes just see what my reaction would be.
I think the sad thing about BPD is that it appers they are getting better and being the stand up guy you are you want to help and support them. They take a step forward then they take 2 back. Its also important to remeber that they are very damaged people and they need more love than most girls. They won’t thank you for it but at least you can go away knowing that you did something right for her. The saddest thing though for me is knowing that she may never get better and will probally spend the rest of her life alone and un-happy.
I will say this for her she has made a better a person. BPD’s will tell you excatly what type of person you are and where to improve and if you can beat down your ego you will come out of it twice the man. She is getting help for her other problems and hopfully this will lead to her getting help for her BPD
You guys are sick. I have had Borderline for well over 6 years. Never have I once been “Crazy” Us Borderlines aren’t “Crazy” It’s a disorder, we can only control it with Therapy and Medication. And the attempt to humour anyone with this has failed.
If it’s a “disorder” it is “crazy”. Just another way of saying it while helping us release some of the pressure that built up over the years…
One issue with your data. Recent studies have found that BPD is equally common in men and women. In the past it has been heavily overdiagnosed in women and underdiagnosed in men, probably due to the same misguided line of thought. A borderline friend can do far more damage to your life and self-image than a hookup, especially if you’re blind to it because you didn’t think guys could be like that.
When you meet a borderline, it can feel like the most special, meaningful connection you’ve ever made, whether it is romantic or platonic. They will pull you in until they sense you’re no longer able to leave, then they will take you apart. If you do manage to get some distance, they will suddenly be the person you’d always hoped they were again, just long enough to reel you back. If you do come back, they’ll know they have you.
These people are genuinely wounded. They really are hurting. But if you like to think of relationships in terms of a food chain, this is you, in a loincloth, forgetting all about your hunting spear and getting cozy with a three-legged tiger. It’s warm, it’s soft, it’s sad, it’s a fucking majestic creature, and it’s totally going to eat you as soon as it gets tired of playing with its food. You are not at the top of the food chain here. You’re prey.
The most dangerous thing in that “Girl, Interrupted” still is not Winona Ryder, though. It’s the fetching sociopath on the other side of the window. Think borderlines are harmful? You ain’t seen nothing yet.
Fucking seriously? This is such a disgusting website. You don’t know the first thing of BPD or any mental illness for that matter. You need to re-evaluate your life and your choices and then go back out in the world. You are the problem to men and women with mental illness.
I think you’re being very judgemental and harsh in both the blog and the comments. As a women with BPD and was happily married for 17 before being widowed, I feel great shame that you people actually think we’re all like this. I suffer horribly with this condition and then see people making fun of us on boards like this. And by the way NOT all BPDs accuse men of raping them. How dare you even put that out there! It’s almost as bad as saying all men are rapists ffs!
The article is NOT about you. it is about HIS experiences.
There is a whole world out there, and perhaps even in you, that you are obviously missing to notice.
You guys are horrible. Do you not understand that BPD is a psychological disorder? Someone who has BPD cannot help it or control the emotions! But with therapy and proper help, there is hope for getting better! Don’t run in the opposite direction just because you suspect the girl is “crazy” or has BPD. Leave if you truly don’t have any sort of feelings for her, but do it nicely. Have a heart. But if you find that you really do care about her and love her despite the disorder (which is possible, by the way, my boyfriend loves me despite it and we are working through this together), then stick around and help her to get the help she so desperately needs. People like you just make living with BPD even harder and you only play into a BPD’s biggest fear–abandonment. So maybe you wouldn’t choose to date a girl with BPD, that’s fine. But do you think she honestly chooses to have BPD? No. No one does. At least people who don’t have BPD have the option to take a step back and take a break when they’re too overwhelmed by the emotional roller coaster of the BPD. Someone with BPD doesn’t have that option. You can’t escape yourself. Have some consideration and compassion. How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Think about that for a minute.
You seem to conveniently ignore the fact that most Borderlines, when somebody confronts them about the fact that they’re a Borderline, just deny it. Most of them are in massive denial. And consider this: it’s rather “challenging” to “have a heart” over somebody who abuses the hell out of you, calls you all kinds of horrible names, falsely accuses you of things, and then when you advise them that they just might have a personality disorder, they summarily dismiss that as nonsense and keep on hurling abuse at you. Just a thought.
The only way a BPD would guarantee lack of control over their emotions is if it was applied to a robot, an animal or such.
Since you are a human, you ARE capable of making decision, such as – taking therapy or asking for help.
BPDs are special in that they do not want to change, or ask for help, or even care for how their behavior affects those they claim to love.
Even BPDs have moments of clarity, and they could make the right decision then, but those who don’t are just using their “diagnosis” as a “get out of jail free” card.
its hard not to see someone as a monster after you have nearly killed yourself trying to help them and all they do is blame you for everything isolate your from your friends and family attack you lie u sex as a weapon accuse you of cheating I loved her and that was the worst thing I tried to leave many times everytime I did she would try to strangle herself , run head first into a wall cut herself wot am I spossed to do there ??? its hard not to be resentful I understand its not a choice but it still happened and the pain it caused is real I don’t think u understand how much it can ruin someones life
Wow, you are an ignorant piece of shit if you think that all girls with BPD are like that. It’s different for everyone; experiences, self control level and all. I have BPD, and for the most part everthing is good. I’m in a relationship and me & my boyfriend seriously couldn’t be happier, been dating for two years. If your not weak, over time you can control things that are just unnecessary. Hopefully this will educate you and all of the other dogs on this website.
You just proved him right with your first sentence…
Wow, you are an ignorant piece of shit if you think that all girls with BPD are like that. It’s different for everyone; experiences, self control level and all. I have BPD, and for the most part everthing is good. I’m in a relationship and me & my boyfriend seriously couldn’t be happier, been dating for two years. If your not weak, over time you can control things that are just unnecessary. Hopefully this will educate you and all of the other dogs on this website.
I have bpd and not every woman with this disorder acts this way, so your actually fucked.
i find this really offensive and very disturbing. im not anything like that. this just goes to show men are pigs.
No BPD thinks s/he is “like that”.
Hitler also thought he was a nice guy…
That’s a really shitty comparison. He thought he was doing the world good but he also knew how wrong it was. There are different levels of functioning bpd women. This is also written by a man who is probably narcissistic.
Worst article ever written! Way to further stigmatize borderlines!!
This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. I have BPD and also friends with BPD. Ever thought about what its like for us? Before jumping to the conclusion we’re crazy? I’m sick of people like you, you disgust me.
Ever thought about what its like for the author of the article?
No, obviously – not. Which makes you a – psycho BPD. The one to stay away from.
Oh yeah, I bet you think date rape is OK too, lol.
Bpd girls can be very loving, but only with who deserves it.not with a guy like u. You have no idea about what Bpd is about, and you look so upset..good luck in finding the perfect girl, you perfect selfish ass.if you love smb, you love him/her, as it is. You are lucky to have wikipedia, otherwise you ll have no idea .
BPDs cannot love. The most important thing about love that most people do not understand very well is that only once you learn to love yourself, can you love others.
BPDs do not love themselves, which is why the feel so insecure.
Don’t date guys who use the term “gaming” when referring to relationships.
now this angers me allot … that is just one girl! i suffer with this disorder and my behavior towards men I admit is off! i try not to deal with them for that reason but it’s not medication that can cure this disorder. It’s therapy and it can be controlled. You had one encounter with someone who hadn’t learned too much. Not all of us are that bad! I don’t date because my emotions are off and unstable. I do believe that I can be treated and you make it seem like it’s untreatable … some people suffer with this disorder and you would never know it. It is in my oppinion the worst diagnoses because it’s unstability but finding out the diagnoses and seeking help does mean that I can over come this disorder. You shouldn’t have written this article. It’s offensive to be honest and judgmental of the disorder based on one female.
I admit that she was off but she probably didn’t realize a) the extent of her disorder and b) how to control it! to sit and write off all women because of your experience is so wrong and it angers me. BPD is intense emotions. We feel things allot more intense then those without the disorder. For those who feel annoyed, we feel rage. For those who feel humiliation, we feel shame. Those who feel a minor saddenand by a breakup or saying goodbye to someone, we feel intense remorse and grief. It’s not fair to assume that we are all dangerous. I knew that I felt things more then others and I learned not to be put into situations that I would be faced with that and have changed my life many times to avoid that but that’s because I didn’t have the knowledge to control my emotions and I’m learning to do that. There is a need for more treatment and awareness. Unfortunatley most people just write a girl off who has this disorder and I personally refuse to accept that!
I have BPD and let me tell you its no fun. People with BPD didnt choose to be like this so you cant be rude to them or say nasty things. BPD is caused by the way they’ve been treated or due to things that have happened in their lives. None of the men I dated could tolerate me, instead of trying to sort the problem they’d treat me more like shit or run away. it wasnt untill a guy i was living with moved out without a trace and I tried to kill myself, cut myself nearly every night, cried every day for 3 weeks, couldnt sleep at night, emailed him, sms’d him called him non stop, called his family, lossed about 10 kg’s, overdosed on anything that had codeine in it……..it was all very crazy, finally i got help and was informed that I’m suffering from BPD. If you sat with me in the psychologists room every week you would have understood WHY i have this problem-due to my up bringing and traumatising events through out my life. So before you idiots judge a person, do some research and maybe have a little bit of a heart. I went for therapy and today i am happily married to a very understanding and patient man who understands that im just a bit different.
Actually, ALL behavior is a choice. ALL of it. Even those bat-shit crazy lunatics living in insane asylums – yes, they too made split-second decisions in their lives and decided “…uhmmmm… not it’s not me, its them”. Start from the assumption that it IS you, and YOUR decision, and you will get better. Just becuase such decisions happen in moments lasting less than a split second, does not mean they do not happen.
to the writer of this article: you sir, are an idiot. negligent in attentive behavior and prone to ‘hasty generalizations’ (a fallacy of logic). My wife has BPD and we have learned to overcome the challenges. The fact that all of you, ALL MALES who posted focused on physical appearances illustrates just how shallow you are, maybe you have small penis or suck in bed but your relationship went sour while mine flourishes. grow up, grow a pair, and stop branding women like they are some inferior being.
I have not cheated on my husband, nor do I lie or be deceitful in any way. Some of us have it under control for the most part and don’t treat others like crap…that was taught to me as a child. Yes, I may be a little emotional and set off by things, but like Ian said, we work it out and I cope. I’m not a bitch, I’m not manipulative…I’m not an object like you all are classifying us BPDs as.
This isn’t a medical journal. Please park your high horses and acknowledge that while you may have extensive knowledge and experience with personality disorders, the average man on the street does not.
No one here cares about branding you or your diagnosis. They care about recognizing behaviors in people that (over and over and over again) turn other people’s worlds upside down. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.
This article was not about you personally… as much as it is hard for a BPD to realize that world does not revolve around them.
Thank you. Because I have BDP and if you really see be on the disorder we are like any other woman. Its a shame they only speak about how good with sex we are. We also know how to love
no, true BPDs do not not know nor care how to love.
Only those who are in therapy, and doing it with their heart… but then, they are less and less BPD and more and more – normal.
BDP’s teach men a lot. Especially what love isn’t…
Thank you, considering there is a post on here by a man, who happened to write his comment saying he had just got out of a relationship with someone with BPD, which I have BPD, and it’s all too much about the sex and beauty (which is terrifying because that is around the time we split and his grammar and verbage is very similar to my exes though how many people out there could be named the same and have a BPD ex from 4 months agoish?). Good to know we women aren’t just used for possession and that they are all perfect because they didn’t get screwed with a disorder…oh wait. Thank you for giving me some faith in men, as people can be judgmental and it really does hurt reading things like this making us feel unworthy of love. I will admit though. I never cheated. Never have though I have been cheated on. being Bi polar doesn’t mean that the person will cheat and does NOT make it okay…
“… WE have learned to overcome…”
You are not noticing that you are part of the problem buddy.
You are NOT responsible for HER problems. Therefore, you do not “overcome” – she does.
Let others express themselves, don’t be on your wife’s side, she manipulated you in it, and you don’t even know it.
Yes, this kind of stuff shows in details.
Ok, bottom line here is that this article is written from a viewpoint of pure selfishness and blame calling, treating people with bpd as if they choose to behave this way, which most do not. in fact, most do not even realize anything is wrong because most people just push them aside for their behavior, which only makes the problem worse. I happen to be married, YES married, to a woman with bpd and I wouldn’t change her for the world. you see real love is self-sacrificing mutually, and yes even people with bpd experience this love and can have very meaningful relationships. The real trouble here is men who look at women as nothing more than objects for their amusement, narcissistic much? Grow up guys, it takes real men to handle someone with bpd, not teenagers
AMEN BABY
Except when you love them with all your heart, and sacrifice everything for them, and they still discard you like you are garbage because their attachments are fleeting.
Not every BPD is the same, but generally speaking, they are bad news, and will destroy you if you let them.
im like that I do understand. But it takes a very strong person to stay with someone with BPD. ive been happily married for 8 yrs but in some cases I don’t understand why some BPD woman would mess something nice in there life. its hard finding someone that will love and stick by you with this. im sorry if someone with BPD messed with you like that. shame
You’re right, they’re not all the same. I used to think that as long as I could sniff out gold diggers, I didn’t have much to worry about. It pays to learn about mental disorders.
My ex wife was Borderline/Histrionic/Bipolar. She was incredibly good at pretending to be ignorant and above all else; pretending to be exactly what a guy wants in a woman. She had me believing that her dad was beating, raping, and selling her body to his friends. I believed it for two reasons: 1. I couldn’t have ever imagined that there were people who crave urgent attention like crack, literally like a hard drug addiction. The stuff she was telling me was so insane I knew that nobody would ever lie about it since none of it could be kept in the dark forever. 2. She was incredibly resourceful. From getting on her mom’s phone and sending me subtle clues via text message to literally beating the shit out of herself every time she’d inform me of an incident.
I married her because it made me eligible to move out of the barracks and get an apartment to take care of her. She had me thinking she had Congenital Heart problems had only a few years to live so I thought I could make them happy ones. She played my hero complex like a fucking boss.
Soon as I was legally stuck with her, she unleashed the true crazy. Once I figured out her lies, I was so relieved to not have to respond to an emergency every day that I just gave her an ultimatum: Lie all you want, just never to me or about me. I thought it was a good deal considering it left her with plenty of alternative options, but no. She’s overdosed on her meds 4 times, stabbed herself in the leg, and knocked herself out cold, all right in front of me. Behind my back she was on every dating, networking… any social website you can think of meeting local people and making up horrible things I had done to her. I’ve had 5 death threats, 1 case of vandalism to my property, and 1 physical assault the whole time I was married to her. She called my 1rst sergeant several times making up domestic violence stories (A huge fucking deal for a military member). I’m fortunate that I kept my chain of command involved since the first time I met her, they kept my side.
For sport she would push my buttons til I exploded so she could hold everything against me and use her disorders as her excuse and say I was a bad person because I was mentally healthy. She penetrated my social circles and quickly wierded everyone out. I never recovered socially, I was the black sheep at work and only kept a handful of friends even after she was out of my life.
I held on for so long because who the fuck else would? That girl is mentally fucked, she has a disease that literally makes try every imaginable method of making the people you love the most want to kill you. I divorced her because she turned me from a nice guy to wishing Dexter was a real person who would do me a solid…
That girl helped me build emotional wall that I doubt even the most perfect woman could traverse. My career suffered so much that I lost my confidence and ultimately had to get out of the air force. I’ve got nobody to blame but myself for not being educated about motives other than money.
I’m glad some of you have been able to be a rock to support your BPD ladies, but if you could handle what all I just described and stand firm, I’ll gladly call myself a weaker man than you.
Make no fucking mistake, BPD has a wide range of severity, but it’s a mental disorder so powerful that it can cause you some mental problems of your own.
Strong person means a idiot willing to get killed for a CB’s ambitions?
Was married to one for 23yrs, 23yrs of pure hell . I stuck around for my sons. From false accusation of rape to u name it. She told my sons then 7 and 9 she was going to die and had one yr to live. I read everything on bp thought I could help her gave her everything she wanted. They suck the life out of you and then move on to the next victim, like you never existed. Six yrs of therapy and finally able to function. If you’re with a woman whose borderline my suggestion to you is RUN, and pray you get away without to many scars.
Number ONE, your wife sounds like a pathological liar to me, not borderline, number two, maybe you should have done a bit more research before marrying her. Number 3, do your research on borderline, then maybe you would learn to understand that we are not intentionally manipulative, and with relationships, everything can be fine at first, we don’t hide anything from anyone, but the emotions and the little “quirks” or faults that we find in a mate, they build up and get too overwhelming to handle.
“Attention to Orders!”
For Bravery in the Face of Insanity, While under extreme and withering psychological fire,
For Uncommon Valor and Courage Above and Beyond the Call of Duty,
For Valiant Resistance in the Face of the Enemy,
For Personal Discipline and Restraint from Killing this Insane, Sick and Twisted Female…
I hereby Award the Universal Male Medal of Valor in Recognition of your Exemplary Example in the face of the Enemy!
Like I said, she had been diagnosed BPD, Histrionic, and Bipolar. Pathological lying is not a personality disorder, only a symptom. It’s not an indicator of BPD, but many people with it do lie to get attention. I’m well aware of my mistakes. Like I also said, I had a white knight complex that blinded me to everything I should have noticed. Also, I wasn’t so eloquent about it, but I did mention that she has a disease. I totally understand that nobody wants to push love ones away. Biggest reason I was left scarred was because she did things to me that were horrible and I can’t hate her because she can’t help it. Imagine a mentally handicapped person somehow killed a loved one of yours. You are devastated, angry, etc. You see a person who did it, a cause of your pain. Yet you can’t place all those emotions on that person because it was a freak accident and he/she couldn’t help it. Best analogy I have. Anyway, it just doesn’t seem like you read my story very well.
I appreciate that. I just want to be clear that I was far from perfect through it all. Some people just bring the worst out of you. I guess I’m saying I only tell that story to warn others that there are expert manipulators out there. Definitely not to make myself look good or downtrodden. I was ignorant and paid in full for it man. Just take care to watch your back out there!
Pathological lying is one of the traits of BPDs.
BPDs ARE intentionally manipulative; saying “we are not intentionally…” is exactly the sign of a BPD as they avoid taking responsibility for their actions. RUN away from that type; the only BPDs that have some chance of changing are those who genuinely take responsibility for their behavior, and who are genuinely interested in getting better. So far I have met many BPDs who have absolutely no interest in getting better (even when they say they do). Admitting that something is “my fault” is like death sentence to them – they’d rather ruin themselves and their children and their family and everyone else, than ever admit a mistake. When pressed with overwhelming evidence of their evil wrongdoing, they quickly utter a meaningless apology and move on, like nothing happened.
“Keep the pretense going” seems to be the motto of BPDs, especially those highly functional ones.
Wow, as I only have what you have written to know what sort of guy you are I shall refrain from judging you as a total jerk. You obviously have some decent bone in you body (little finger, maybe, or a toe?) as you say you tried to take care of her. My (shock horror) femminist friend friend sent me to marvel at this site, and I have to say it has been a shocker (seriously guys – do you believe this crap? Reall?) and your misplaced need to rescue a girl could almost be sweet (again, not going to judge) but clearly you have been coloured by the manipulative behaviour of someone with extreme issues. Fucked up stuff to lie about. Can’t disagree, but I think that your own naievity may have allowed some manipulation, and to add – A GIRL IS NOT A FIXER-UPPER. YOU CAN’T TREAT HER LIKE A BROKEN CAR THAT YOU LIKE THE BODYWORK ON BUT WANT TO BUY TO UPGRADE THE ENGINE OR REPLACE THE BITS YOU DON’T LIKE AND KEEP THe BITS THAT YOU DO.
Where were you when I first met her?? And yes, I’ve mentioned that I didn’t know any better. They don’t exactly have courses like this in high school. I lived and learned. Just try to remember that being on this site doesn’t necessarily make me an asshole. Personally I just find it entertaining to read it all. This article just hit home in a big way.
Ok, apologies. Honestly I was just shocked at the content of this site, and it was unfair of me to judge you. I think a course to weed out potential nutters would do great for high school lol, bit more useful than learning how to say ‘I live in Belper etc’ in French 🙂
Haha, you’re alright.
Or maybe strong person means strong person who is willing to stick with the bad to enjoy the good?? If people came perfectly packaged with a default factory setting the world would be a little too vanilla I think.
No. Even non-BPD are not perfect. But it is not an excuse. Is there no life for us? Why our life needs to be sucked away for a BPD person’s ambitions? Even after leaving such a person. the haunting memories still exists. They are like Satan kids.
Lol, sorry again for any offence caused 🙂 And a white knight complex isn’t always a bad thing, hope you meet a girl that deserves the respect that you have to give.
Lmao… Did you marry my ex?
“She had me thinking she had Congenital Heart problems had only a few years to live so I thought I could make them happy ones. She played my hero complex like a fucking boss.”
If you consider women the enemy, then do you fuck other men, or are you crazy enough to fuck people you hate?
This man seems like he’s met the millions of people diagnosed with BPD and has come to a sound conclusion. Where did you find the time?
You clearly know nothing about BPD.
your so fixed on your own idea that all of us BPD’s are maniacs. We are people with feelings and people like you ridiculing us does not help us to feel any better about ourselves. Not that i think that me saying this will make any difference because your a very insensitive man
I don’t consider “Women” the enemy…I consider BPD’s the enemy!
This is exactly what I mean! A BPD will skew the words to make you seem “Accusatory” and position themselves as the “Martyr” or “Victim” and then target you with some sort of toxic, vitriolic statement like what you just said.
To “Answer” your question though; I don’t “fuck” men or women. Only animals “fuck”. What you are describing is actually, masturbation since there is no intimate component to the act.
As a higher ordered life form called “Human”, I engage in intimate heterosexual intercourse as a vehicle to nourish that social emotive component within myself and my partner while further consolidating a meaningful inner connection between the two of us.
Now here’s a question for you Ms. Nightingale…
“Do you fuck? or do you Make Love?”
(We won’t go into the psychological stability of your partners just yet).
What I’m asking is “Are you capable of empathy and true intimacy? Because if you were, you would have recognized the hostility of your statement.
But again, BPD’s are notorious for being Passive-Aggressive! BPD”s will make an innocuous statement that sounds like a critique or maybe even a compliment…but you think about it a bit and “Feel” the words and meanings and you can see there’s something else intended or insinuated in their statement.
BPD’s are experts at Passive-Aggression. The way to tell is not to listen to them with your ears; you listen with your “inner-core” or your heart. You will “feel” these impacts hitting you inside and emotional roiling where there shouldn’t be.
When you call the BPD on it they look at you incredulously and innocently say “What are you talking about? I never meant anything by it! You’re being defensive or “Overly sensitive”
That’s just it…a BPD is not capable of such sensitivity but she knows you are (Because you are a normal Human. You are from a different emotional species than her) So when she tries to turn the situation around on you and try to get you to accept the responsibility for what she just did; if introduces a type of “Craziness” in the air. It’s called “Gaslighting.”
Basically, Gaslighting is someone else saying “Nothing is wrong! It’s something wrong with you!” When the truth is, there REALLY IS SOMETHING WRONG and it is NOT YOU…It’s THEM! (BPD’s NEVER admit to faults)
They are childish like that.
Okay, Noonespecial, this is exactly what I had said!
1. BPD’s NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS OR THE HARM THEY CAUSE!
2. You just absolved an obviously severely disordered and fragmented toxic individual of EVERYTHING and attempted to hold Justin Ross responsible for everything that went wrong with the toxic dynamics of his previous relationship with a BPD.
3. Pathological Lying (Pseudologia fantastica) is a SYMPTOM…NOT a diagnosis. It is a severely harmful behavior which can become life-threatening in severe cases (ie: Jodi Arias).
You don’t mention anything about the other serious incidents Justin Ross recounted in his experiene, (The Promiscuity, the lies to his employers, the false accusations involving law enforcement, the self-harm and overdoses which strip any semblance of calm and stability out of a normal person’s life, the raging hatred that comes out of nowhere…and you minimize ALL of that by not mentioning it at all and saying “We are not intentionally manipulative…Maybe you should learn more about us BPD’s to understand us…”
That has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that this woman’s behavior was severely dangerous and unstable. Life is not supposed to be that way!
3. Where is your caring for Justin Ross and what he experienced at her hands? His life was practically destroyed and he has emotional problems as a result of it. Where is your empathy for him?
Why should he go and all this research to learn about BPD? Why don’t you tell other BPD’s to study and read about themselves and get treatment? Justin and I and other men can’t “Fix” her! She’s too damaged! Broken! It’s ultimately tragic when you find someone you care about is seriously and irrevocably disordered and will never change!
And those “Quirks” and “Faults” you find in others buld up get overwhelming…so what do you do…make this guys life a living hell? THAT’s NOT LOGICAL! But then again, the BPD universe is NOT governed by the laws of rationality and reason.
None of this was Justin Ross’ fault! His ex-wife was severely disordered before he even met her! I hate to hear about the poor guy she was with before she met Justin! (For all we know, he’s doing time in prison for one of her false charges).
Her disorder is NOT for HIM to Take responsibility for…it’s hers! This is the extreme hatred BPD’s generate in normal people.
We don’t hate the Person with BPD…We hate the fact they do nothing to see to their disorder. They just continue to behave in ever-more harmful activities. Justin’s life was threatened. He’s contacts where people tried to do him harm. His professional career suffered for her behavior.
These are not little “Quirks” these are very serious consequences he experienced because she wouldn’t get treatment for herself. It was a total disaster.
Justing doesn’t need to read more about BPD to understand it…he knows ore than anyone what a BPD is…he’s lived with one trying to destroy him!
What Justin NEEDS is a NORMAL psychologically healthy, rational woman who can bring peace, happiness and healing intimacy to Justin’s life.
Hmm…do I fuck or do I make love? It doesn’t matter to me what I call it. I enjoy it nonetheless, and so does my partner.
If you weren’t so obtuse, I wouldn’t have to tell you that the “hostility” in my statement only serves to make fun of you for taking yourself too seriously.
Women with BPD have behavioral and emotional issues, indeed. But you fail to solve the problem by demonizing and overgeneralizing. Anyone who resorts to attacking my character (especially upon which he has little information) has no real argument against me, but an ad hominem.
TBH you sound a whole lot worse, vicious and evil than these BPD people.
Could it be you would like the reality brought to you, to be sugarcoated first? You have to deal with raw reality, if you want to add to it, my teacher said. 😉
What difference does it make – where he found the time.
Maybe he devoted his entire life to it?
So you hate gay people?? how is that healthy??? I was raised by one and spent years being abused. Was that all my fault?? I have never dated one but my mom, aunt and brother were all borderline. My grandmother and I have manic depression if we aren’t medicated we spend the summer manic but we feel horrible about our behavior after 6 months to 2 years (when I used drugs to maintain the mania via insomnia). Of course, we’d end up delusional but we become aware of how our behavior affects other people. It isn’t right when we abuse people when we are manic and every BPD I am related to or have been friends with never let us live down a detail of anything but their behaviors that create issues and harm us were never their problem. I don’t know why you need to bring gay people into this.
You will never win. I was raised by one man and my brother and aunt are also. There are specific type of guys that can deal with these types and most guys can’t. If you even try to agree with them or call them on their behavior, no matter which way you go there will be something that they will knock you for because it is never good enough and when it is, you get thrown away anyhow.
Pathological lying is NOT A TRAIT OF BPD. I repeat. PATHOLOGICAL LYING IS NOT A TRAIT OF BPD. Do some research.
PEOPLE that SUFFER with BPD CAN AND DO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.
You are NOT qualified to make these judgments based on ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE. I CAN and DO take responsibility for not only my own actions but I also often take the blame for the actions of other people. BPD is a SPECTRUM disorder and if there’s one thing that’s true about PEOPLE that SUFFER with borderline, it’s that none of us are exactly the same.
You display many traits of personality disorders yourself, maybe you should get that seen to..
People who destroy the lives of those around then should be shamed.
Maybe then they will grow up.
Yes you’re a bunch of emotionally immature self-absorbed pretend victims. Grow up and change don’t wade deeper into the victim claiming.
You have feelings…Oh how wonderful…but have you ever had the emotional space to consider anyone’s feelings but your own?
Our clearly have never had to live with one. I’d rather have been regularly beaten. At least it would have been more honest.
And you’ve recruited another enabler well done. If he makes a connection to you you will ruin his life unless you grow, take responsible and choose to stop indulging in your own emotion highs (and lows.)
A strong person does not stay with someone with BPD. They do not really exist to someone with BPD. They have their own faults…like my father.
How rude. Yes of course I do. I always put others above myself for your information
Haha haha. The BPD is strong with this one!
No-one always puts others above themselves.
You’re splitting…
To be honest, if you think that you always put others above yourself then you probably have no idea what that actually means.
Think more rationally and don’t immediately victim claim. Isn’t this what your therapist is telling you, or have you recruited them as an enabler and negative advocate?
Well I won’t be that for you. So let me tell you – if you truly want to stay as you are for the rest of your life then you can continue to think that you always put others over yourself.
But if you genuinely want to be a better person then you should start with the assumption that anyone who claims what you do is most likely never actually considering those around them.
Trust me, with your attitude, you have hurt many, many people and deeply.
You can change but not if you choose to remain in denial.
I banged your wife during one of her manic spells
LOL. During one of the therapy sessions, no doubt? :p
it’s cuck therapy, don’t disrespect it
“Manic” refers to bipolar not borderline…
It seems you are still good nut and fixer. I also argued same way for my ex-CB, just now I see what I lost. Anyways good luck bro.
How do you handle the pathological lying and manipulation? In this society, we’re not allowed to beat our women to keep them in line. I was curious how you’ve reacted when you’ve caught her in yet another lie about an affair she’s been having or some other duplicitous behavior.
Borderlines are the “Devil’s Handmaidens.” Yes, they frequently look astonishingly beautiful and irresistible. Yes, they can afford you spectacular episodes of sexual ecstasy that will stay in your mind for the rest of your life.
But then there’s the downside; like how they use their emotional mood-swings to dominate and control you! The pathological way they always see everything and blame you for virtually every single problem in the world today.
And let’s not forget how EVERYTHING is your fault despite the fact they are the ones lying, cheating, manipulating, betraying and talking about you like you are shit spread on bread (Just open some of her emails and read about how she talks about you!)
Also, how do you deal with the childishness and constant attention getting immaturity? How do you deal with the tantrums and extreme emotional bi-polarity? How do you deal with the disturbing narcissistic selfishness like you don’t even exist?
No, it doesn’t take a “Real Man” to handle someone with BPD…it takes a dysfunctional, co-dependent man who believes he doesn’t deserve better or is captured by her beauty and can’t let her go because she looks so good because his “nads” are in a Mason Jar …!
It takes a Real Man to walk away from this nightmare and enjoy the life he’s been given enough not to waste it on someone who is incapable of a healthy reciprocal relationship. Why put up with it? It’s not worth it! One day she will have you set up with a labyrinth of lies and accusations and be backed up by a phalanx of ruthless feminist-misandrists who are just waiting to carve you a new asshole.
If you’ve found a way to keep her in check, then more power to you. You should write about how you did it and publish it. You will become and instant billionaire overnight!
You have almost described what I went through this past year, the stupid and weak thing is to stay. You’re right life is too short to deal with them. If people think they actually care, they don’t. It’s all a bs, the facebook life the work life all bs. They are evil right till the end. No matter what you did for them it never mattered. All they think about is how they can be stimulated next so they don’t have to think about all the shitty things they’ve done to people. And when your not working they move on to the next thing, gambling, stealing, cheating anything to keep themselves from admitting the truth. That they are horrible human beings. And in retrospect that’s what I understood. One thing is they will never tell you they have BPD, so watch out. There are signs, bad childhood, they hate their mothers, they pawn there kids off on anyone who will take them. They are messy and unorganized. They are crazy sexually. Road rage maybe. Gamblers maybe. They have some abuse story about and ex who beat her. Some people love her and some people for one reason or another don’t trust her. They are impulsive. They seek out your best friends and family and try to get them to love her so they would want you to date her. People asking her personal questions might piss her off. She doesn’t have many close friends and the friends she has she doesn’t know much about them or she doesn’t like them. All of these are just the initial signs. I bet if your next gf has half of these you should leave immediately.
yep!
You sound extremely bitter and hateful. That is a good combination for bias to come out, which in your case, it clearly has.
Great advice. They don’t care. All they care about is their next fix of emotional exhilaration. You never really existed to them.
Ok, hands up, I have BPD. But I can say, hand on heart, that I have never lied, cheated on or bullied a boyfriend. Never. I’m always too willing to bend over for other people and get fucked over by friends and ex’s alike. Borderline is a spectrum, and yep, at one end people manipulate, cheat and decieve but at the other end of the spectrum it it the other way around. The relationship I’m in at the moment will hopefully be my last, I would walk on broken glass to the end of the world for my partner, and although I do enjoy intelligent debate I hate arguments, drama and all the associated bs with it. So, I may be in the minority, but just sayin, honest, loyal and kind borderlines with no alterior motives do exist.
Ask your boyfriend if you bully him. In fact, ask an ex who isn’t currently afraid of telling you the truth. And ask without any coercion, in written form, so if you did he can actually say so. And the idealization phase (“I would walk on broken glass…”) often ends in devaluation (“All I do is walk on broken glass for you!”).
I asked my boyfriend; he said that I’ve never bullied him. I’m good friends with all my exs, (I don’t see why people should be vengeful when they split up with people), so I can say with all honesty that guys I have dated aren’t afraid of telling me the truth. I have never said to anyone ‘all I ever do is walk on broken glass for you etc’. I can’t make you believe these things if you have already closed your mind to the idea that girls with bpd are not always crazed nutters who wish to make those around them suffer, but, for my part, I hope that you can try to understand that not all people with the same disorder are identical. Not all depressives stay in bed all day crying, and not all schizophrenics spend their days talking to the devil sat in the corner of the living room. Maybe my bpd isn’t as extreme as another perosns, as I said, its a spectrum. I did ask my partner if he would like to say his piece on this, and he said that he didn’t want to get drawn into a debate which he sees as pointless. I, on the other hand, wish to offer you a perspective that you have clearly not considered.
People with BPD are far more likely to belittle and devalue themselves, not others.
No, I agree with you. I was told by a friend that I should research BPD, and I have some of the symptoms, but I’m offended by some of these comments
If he is afraid, then by your standards, is he worthy of being a man? Does a man who stands for men’s rights assume that “victimized” men are also “pussies”?
bullshit case and point !!! You are obviously still in the trolling stage with this one he will be destroyed like all the rest in your past !!!
Really?? I just have to go check that there is enough room in my basement full of dismembered male corpses for my boyfriend. *sigh* out of luck. Think I’ll just have to let him live. What sort of reality do you live in Mike? Is there a reason you are so judgemental, or do you just like dishing out low blows based upon a poor knowledge of a disorder that effects more people than you think?
That’s exactly how my BPD is..I’ve.never lied or cheated :/ and I try to be the best I can…
seriously whos the 1 trolling you imbecile ????
you really are very horrible to people Mike
Are you fucking kidding me? In none of my relationships have I ever bullied or lied or done anything else you claim ‘all girls with BPD will do’. If this were the case I wouldn’t still be friends with most of my ex’s. I’ve been in my current relationship for over 2 years and we’re doing perfectly fine. Yes some times I feel like I do everything for him, but at no point in time do I ever feel the need to rub it in his face because he gives back exactly what I put in. I don’t believe in destroying any one except maybe myself from time to time. Because that’s TYPICAL of a person with BPD, they’re more focused on harming themselves, or thinking badly about themselves, they don’t have time to deal with assholes like yourself.
Having fear is not “Feminine” All humans are given “fear” as a means to insure their own survival.
The most stalwart Navy SEAL commando or Delta Force Ranger has fear when they are in harms way. They have no trouble admitting it.
To answer your question though; NO.
The reason why men enlist in Mens Rights organizations is to secure their roles in the lives of their children while going through divorce/child custody proceedings.
Frequently, they are at odds with an ex spouse mother who is the primary custodial parent who has BPD and so the divorce becomes, messy, traumatic and extremely painful for all.
To be on the receiving end of a BPD’s splitting and raging behaviors during a divorce with young children involved is the worst thing in the world!
Not only does the man have to try to maintain his role as a father to his children, he also has to work doubly hard not to act on his own rage and pain and kill the person who is torturing him by using their children as weapons against him.
The BPD parental alienation, withholding of the child, false child sex abuse accusations, incessant antagonism and unprovoked screaming rages in the child’s presence, suicide attempts and threats to “kill the children and take them with her to heaven”, the lies about child support, the baiting and taunting to provoke violence, the passive-aggression and martrying…it’s the worst nightmare in the world.
NO MEN REGARD ANY OTHER MEN AS “PUSSIES” WHEN THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THIS HORROR!
But getting back to you “Nightingale”… you seem to be roiling deeply in the BPD dynamics.
I can literally feel the “hatred” dripping from you.
To quote Yoda; “An agent of evil you have become, forever the Dark Side you will be!”
Please… Stop
Stop these “Sniper Shots” you keep throwing out to others. They are NOT helpful to you or anyone. Except maybe to illustrate the hatred and venom a BPD is capable of.
Come back to the light! Don’t give in to hate. Do not let yourself be controlled by your BPD and remain at the mercy of it.
Love yourself and let others love you too. Be the brave, courageous person you know you can be…and go into DBT treatment!
Instead of logging on and anonymously spitting out poison to others on this website like a cobra, buy a journal and log your thoughts and feelings there. Use it as a tool to chart your growth and maturing process. Your therapist will be immensely impressed and grateful because it will help them know how to help you the best way possible.
Saying Fucked-Up shit like you’ve been doing is not the way to go.
Truthfully, it’s sad and pathetic and not a little bit cowardly. You are not going to cultivate any respect from anyone and most of all yourself as you sink further into the cesspool of self-loathing and deep shame.
Instead, do the harder thing! Lift yourself up! Not by tearing anybody else down, but by conquering your own demons and ruling your own life and emotions! Once you have mastered yourself, you will find there is no need to conquer anyone else!
Trust me on this! You can do it. If you don’t know how, start by finding 15 minutes each day to just be quiet and breathe. Focus on your measured breaths.
Go to a woman’s support organization and ask them to help you find a therapist who is expert in treating BPD and uses Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.
The journey to true self discovery and mastery begins! All it takes is the first step towards it.
Not that I seek the respect of an angry, misguided, broken-hearted Men’s Rights wannabe vigilante, but I’ll indulge you, simply to show you where your personal movement lacks insight.
As vociferous and well-written as you may be, and as “well-meaning” your advice may sound, you don’t seem to take the time to utilize that effort into personal insight. I, with my “poisonous” comments, am making fun of you. You take yourself too seriously, and you project “hatred” coming from me when in fact, it’s coming from you. Granted, both of us have limited knowledge of each other, but your failure in “reaching” me is apparent when you so readily apply characteristics to me that I simply don’t have. In other words, I’m not the hateful bitch you so easily suspect me to be, and if you’d lighten up a little, you could see what I’m really doing here.
You met a bad woman. Or maybe you met a bunch of bad women. Like attracts like – you were, or are, still attracted to people with toxic behaviors. You’re justifiably angry and never want to deal with that again. Great! You care about other dads who get fucked by a system that assumes women are automatically fitter parents. Guess what? I do too. How do you deal with it?
You could do some things, like having open and honest dialogue with your community to figure out how to change the legal system to make it more fair. Or you could simply rouse a bunch of other angry men and stereotype an entire group of women, like I’ve seen you do here. The rest of the world regards your movement as a circle-jerk because you tend to do the latter while professing to do the former.
You go from an activist to a bigot when you’re willing to throw another group under the bus to further your own interests (e.g. hitting women). Those actions deserve ridicule because they don’t help in any way other than to release your rage. Take your own advice, Mr. Higgs, because until guys like you stop speaking with such a hateful and ignorant voice, you and your “movement” will continue to be received as one big joke.
All the while, gender-equality activists will be the ones who actually protect these vulnerable men.
Hello Nightingale, I saw your response and wanted to clarify
for you. You are absolutely incorrect about my own emotions. I am NOT angry or
scornful. I am most certainly not hateful. It just so happens I have BPD’s in
my own family. I feel tremendous pity, and heartfelt sympathy and compassion
for all BPD sufferers. Because they didn’t ask for this disorder! The mentally
ill have been dealt a hand of cards that is unfair in its arbitration and
consequences.
You cannot know how often I have wept for BPD sufferers and
those severely impacted by their disorder. We all go into relationships looking
for love and support and fulfillment. The Human organism is a social creature.
The problem here is like all BPD’s you misinterpret emotional
cues and expressions of others. You misinterpret my motives and what I expound
upon because you primarily perceive them from a defensive perspective.
In fact, I responded to you because of how I saw your
missives to other persons who have shared thoughts on this thread. They are
undeniably hostile and not a little bit snarky. Insinuating or calling people
names like “Jerk”, “Pussies”, “asshole”… is undeniably hostile.
“Making Fun” of others is also a hostile behavior. It is an
attempt to diminish others at their expense. Are you here on this thread to
hurt people? I wonder because I haven’t seen one single word from you that is
contributory to understanding the dynamics, behaviors or motivations of those
with Borderline Personality Disorder.
To clarify my statement, “We
cannot beat women in this society to keep them in line” was not a lament
for not being allowed to resort to this redress of women who are BPD sufferers.
In fact, it was a notation of how humans used to resolve or redress
provocative behaviors from within their own immediate social set. Consider if
you will, many thousands of years ago when man lived in smaller social groups
which were more integral and cohesive. Sociologists and anthropologists alike
agree; unenlightened and unsophisticated methods were used to suppress
psycho/social maladaptions and behaviors among these social groups.
Primarily because the dysfunctional behaviors of disordered
individuals adversely affected the entire social group as a whole and could
have easily become life-threatening. Humans had the same personality disorders
and maladaptions then as they do today. However, a BPD female for example who
acted out her disorder would have experienced extreme and forceful rebuke from
other individuals within the social set. These early humans recognized the
toxic nature of the disordered individual and how they negatively impacted
others within the social group.
Extreme energy was expended to submit the disordered
individual into acceptable forms of behavior and expression. In short, the
Personality Disordered Individual was dominated and contained within a
reinforced modality of acceptable behaviors. If the Disordered Person behaved
outside these established behavioral parameters, they experienced immediate and
forceful response. The Disordered Individual would not necessarily perceive
these responses as negative as they would satisfy the Disordered Individuals’
need for attention. (The Borderline maxim, “To Beat Me is to Love Me!” presents
here.)
When these episodes occurred, the BPD would revert back to
the socially accepted behaviors and the social group would also return to a
state of relative homeostasis. I am NOT advocating this method or addressing
the behaviors of BPD’s.
However, because those methods of control are NOT socially
acceptable today in this present society we live in; redressing and containing
the behaviors of severely disordered persons is much more difficult. Disordered
Individuals have tremendous capacity to perpetuate their deleterious behaviors
against others with relative impunity, thereby expanding the periphery of damage
within social sets and society as a whole. Remember Nightingale, BPD abuse is
terribly destructive! Whole families are destroyed because of the toxic
behaviors of even a single BPD individual!
The dilemma here is, BPD’s cannot stop or control their
behaviors and yet are afforded many freedoms and legal protections which allow
them to continue to perpetuate these damaging behaviors against others. What I’m
saying is, it’s very difficult to address or protect oneself from the harmful
behaviors of a BPD today. That is what I meant. If you felt offended, I
apologize for that. Perhaps, if I had expounded further as I did here, you
might have interpreted my statement differently.
Then again… perhaps not. As I mentioned earlier, BPD’s habitually
misinterpret the words, intentions, emotions and thoughts of others. It’s a
core facet of the disorder and why interactions with them are often fraught
with conflict and difficulty. The BPD perceives others and the world much differently
from Non-Disordered individuals. Attempting to assist the BPD with reconciling
their own thoughts and emotions with the thoughts and emotions of others is a
primarily conflictual dynamic.
Bpd’s “see plots against them” where none exist! BPD’s
suspect acts of love and affection are carried out with ulterior motives. BPD’s
cannot trust others and shy away from real intimacy. And BPD’s intentionally express
inappropriate sarcasm and missives unnecessarily often with the intent to
provoke emotional disquiet, confusion and anger in others. This projection of
their disordered mentality is another facet of the BPD paradigm.
There is nothing funny about this. I am no activist. I am
NOT against women. I am not against you. I am against the terrible dynamics of
BPD and the damage it does to others. My comments are meant to be objective in
exposing the realities of this critical mental health disorder. I express the
realities of BPD dynamics in an honest, mature way so there is no confusion
about how BPD’s can behave.
While you feel the need to ridicule and detract from my
statements and attempt to malign me for my contributions; others have received
them as accurate validation of their own experiences and acceptance of the
realities of the dynamics of Borderline Personality Disorder. Others have also
been educated and benefitted from my explanations because they were in fact,
confused about what they were presently experiencing in current relationships
with their partners.
Please try NOT to be defensive about truth and candid
honesty about what people write or say regarding BPD. The more we expound on
personality disorders, the more people can benefit and increase their awareness
of people with such disorders.
Hi, I’, dating a borderline girl but I want to know if there is a way of finding out if she is like you guys or if it’s very likly that she’s gonna cheat on me 🙁
thank u
Gee, stereotyping is indeed dangerous. However, my BPD ex destroyed my life and capacity to love. I kept thinking that if I could hang in there and love unconditionally that she would realise I wasn’t like the many guys who used her. It just increased her contempt for me. She even tried to get me to hit her – not in my nature, the last person I hit was my brother when I was very small. She knew that if she could get me to do this she would have completely broken me as a person. Sorry, but in general if someone was starting a relationship with someone exhibiting 5 of the 9 criteria I would advise them to run. I wish I had understood earlier as I would have walked away before all the damage. Am I co-dependent? Largely I don’t think so, but I did have an (almost) unshakeable view in unconditional love. Two of her ex’s have committed suicide – the damage (some) of these people inflict is immeasurable. Yes, Borderline is a spectrum, but the “high functioning” ones can be the most dangerous. Hope your relationship is your last – I once wished for that. I was never the same after my BPD relationship and decided it best not to be in a relationship.
If you had full blown BPD you would not merely be offended by these comments. You would have such strong denial that you would fail to even self diagnose BPD. I believe that the mere fact you believe you have it means you probably don’t have “much” of it, it at all.
So sorry you had such a bad time; sometimes unconditional love, with all its pure intent, can become enabling and the one receiving it often seems to use it as an excuse to stay in the negative or destructive place they are in. I hope that one day you do get a happy ending, everyone deserves to. 🙂
Yeah same goes for cancer in your mind I guess??? We are sick not stupid we still can understand and know what we have!
There’s no way to ever know if someone with bpd or anything else or nothing at all is ever gonna cheat on you… You just gotta trust the person!
“You disagree with me, that must be your BPD talking, as I’m not intelligent enough, and have the emotional capacity of a pot of mustard”
There are 14 different types of personality disorders besides BPD like Narcissistic Personality Disorder… which you exhibit many of the symptoms. I find it completely idiotic that you presume to know all about me because I have BPD. That is distorted thinking at its most pure form. Instead of being so free to accuse, blame, and patronize by your fake attempt at acting like you care, spend some time educating yourself on the topic before you speak. That way you at least won’t come across as a self righteous brat.
shes gonna cheat, your screwed unless you bail!
lol so its this dudes fault according to the BPD girl…? The ironyyyy
Not true at allllllllll
Of course hes gonna say that to avoid a fight you probably have him whipped goooooood lol
drawn into a debate he sees as pointless because you’d crush him and make it all his fault like all pro BPD manipulators lol. your posts are hilariously ironic
Yeah right, BPD people are pro-manipulators, perfect at playing the victim role. Of courseeeeeeeeee you have never bullied or lieddddd, thats exactly what a BPD person would say. The irony is just too much lol
You have a nasty reply for everything, don’t you? You ask one thing, she does it. Yet you still demean it, and twist it to sit your ideation. Sounds like you are your own vision of bpd, More so than those that actually have it
@MyChelle… I am NOT interested in “Acting” like I care
(That is a CLASSIC Passive-Aggressive” statement frequently blurted out by BPD’s! ***BPD’s are ESPECIALLY known for their guilting, shame-inducing, martyrdom!***).
I’ve grown up under one of these disordered persons. The LAST thing I would do is “ACT.” I’ve LIVED this experience!
The most important thing for you to remember MyChelle (if you are diagnosed as BPD/NPD or ANY of the Personality Disorders or sub-sets) is to… Mind YOUR OWN behavior and WORK on YOUR OWN pathology!
That’s the problem w/ the disordered…they are SO displaced on CONTROLLING OTHERS, TEARING OTHERS DOWN and MANIPULATING OTHERS…they DON’T focus on ANYTHING they do!
Remember,… “A BPD WILL NOT accept responsibility for their own behavior or how they affect others. EVERYTHING is EVERYBODY ELSE’S FAULT. SOUND FAMILIAR?
You mentioned “Distorted Thinking” ; I never presumed to claim I knew EVERYTHING about BPD…YOU did. What makes you believe you’re such an expert on me when we’ve never met, I’ll never know.
What I DO KNOW is the damage a Personality Disordered Person can cause to immediate family members around them. I am speaking from personal experience.
To be honest; in my own opinion, you have no business being on this comments board if you are a DIAGNOSED BPD.
You WILL NOT perceive ANYTHING here with objectivity or the true context it is being spoken because of your own self-centric perspective. BPD’s are VERY SHAME SENSITIVE! It doesn’t surprise me one bit how you’ve taken everything I’ve said as a personal affront to YOU and then felt compelled to lash out at me!
BPD’s are ALWAYS DEFENSIVE!!!
If there’s anything I’ve learned living under a personality disordered person is to develop a thicker skin. I am NOT hurt by your reply. I don’t feel the slightest bit threatened, shamed, guilty, put-down or offended by your statement.
The vehemence I’ve employed in my PREVIOUS posts have been to WAKE UP the public and make them aware of Toxic Personalities and how harmful they can be to others!
MOST people don’t know about personality disorders! All they know is the crazy asylum their lives or homes have become when they have a PD individual take up residence in them and the desperate confusion, despair and often life-threatening anxiety they are embroiled in!
The chaos a BPD brings with them can be very debilitating to others. You know this, MyChelle!
Instead of being defensive and attacking me; why not enlist WITH ME and VALIDATE some of the things I’ve mentioned and encourage people to seek help from health care professionals!
VALIDATE how NON-PD’s can be disoriented and distressed when they are on the receiving end of a BPD’s toxic projections and how it affects NON’s!
Remember, this article is about NOT getting romantically involved with BPD’s and WHY they MUST NOT!
doesn’t sound like you are actually BPD if any of this is true.
If you say so
But then this sharing of encounters is about the more typical behaviourproblems of acting out girls.
My respect to you!
I believe you have developped yourself in a true light to shine on this problem. You respond with love. Not sentimental love, but ‘tough’ love. You are able, I can see, to avoid the emotional traps in front of you.
Either you are lying about never cheating, bullying and lying, or you are not truly a BPD.
One way to easily recognize them is that when a BPD’s protected by anonymous environment, like internet, they tend to be very aggressive. You don’t show that. Hence, you are highly unlikely to be a true BPD. Some doctor probably gave you that diagnosis based on some questionable criteria such as self-injury or suicidal thoughts… which is not the essence of BPD at all.
Reading the rest of your post, provided it is true, I would wager a guess that you are not really a BPD.
wow. thanks for writing this. I just got out of a relationship with a girl who had BPD. Broke up with her a month ago because she cheated. Been having withdrawal effects due to the fact that the relationship was so intense and volatile.
You’re quite welcome. BPD is a God awful thing to get stuck with; but that’s their fate! YOU can’t be their caretaker! It’s really too costly emotionally and psychologically to stay with them (That is if they don’t get help and accept their diagnosis. A BIG PART of the Problem is BPD’s NEVER want to get help because they never think anything’s wrong with them!) I learned the hard way, they can’t be cured, they can’t be fixed, no amount of love, help, patience…is ever enough! Best to just cut your losses and move on with your life! Sad but that’s reality. I realize BPD is a spectrum and comes in many ranges of severity…that being said; BPD is still a MAJOR problem to deal with. Good luck to those who are involved with a BPD, and God Be With You for the BPS’s themselves.
When you look at a lion take down a zebra; you don’t necessarily feel sad because this is reality in it’s purest form! It’s clear to you. There is no GOOD or EVIL. The Lion has to eat! What are you gonna do…blame the lion? Of course not! Same with BPD! What are you gonna do…Feel Sorry for the BPD? Sure you can…but that isn’t going to make them any different and they will act according to their disorder!
Don’t be surprised when you find she’s been on your computer and logged onto 100 dating websites saying, “How all alone she is!” or “She’s single and looking for friends!” (Even though you’re married to her) and sending naked selfies to a 1000 guys (And girls!) online!
It’s just the way they are wired, that’s all! They CAN’T HELP BEING WHAT THEY ARE! Now I’m sorry for all you BPD’s out there who feel offended by what I write but I’m speaking from truth and experience! YOU WERE ALL BORDERLINES BEFORE ANY OF US HAVE EVER EVEN MET YOU!
So enough of the blame and defensive backtalk to me! YOU KNOW HOW FUCKED UP BPD’s CAN BE! That’s NOT me being angry…THAT’S REALITY! No different than watching the lion take down a zebra or an antelope! BPD’s ARE PREDATORS!
Don’t get sucked in by the “Vulnerable Damsel-in-Distress” line and come charging to their rescue! And DON’T believe their sob stories!
Just STAY AWAY FROM THEM…and you’ll be alright!
I have bipolar, and people make comments. Fuck you, you have BPD, own up to the things you do wrong and stop blamming other people, ooo your offended, well get over it, life isnt fair, you are not special or should get better treatment more then anyone else. Take responisbility for your actions.
thats not true at all, my ex wife, high functioning BPD, she loved to make up stories and lies and belittle to me to others, all behind my back and not true.
Hey Amber, he is right, its your perception that is twisted not his, his is from personal experience.
Nightingale, your entire statement was broken into multiple contradicting paragraphs. Then you call Higgs names, and prior to that, you tried to type as if you were a scholarly writer. Your mind is twisted. Cartoonish levels of anger, which cartoon would that be? He is not on a crusade, why would you make a WRONG statement like that? Poisonous comments, are you nuts? You want him to be honest and open dialogue, well that’s what he did. What did you do in your statement, you picked a fight, because all that anger makes your pussy horny for a good fuck doesn’t it. You like to control and to be controlled. I am tired of you BPD’s with twisted minds having control over statements, when it is completely insidious and evil. You like to cause pain to others, because you are in torment yourself. You take something and twist it ten different ways, and it does not make sense when it comes to the end.
You sound like a misogynistic asshole, so just shut up. And you can’t even seem to conjure up a comprehensible sentence so your input is really not necessary.
You literally don’t know anything about mental illness. You do not havethe credentials to diagnose others or define their experiences as ill or not ill. Not all mental illnesses make you completely unaware of yourself and your behavior. I got diagnosed with bpd by my psychiatristabout a year ago but had been researching it and identifying with it due to my difficulties with relationships. Bpd doesn’t only hurt the other partner; it makes the relationship nearly unbearable for the person with bpd. You don’t know shit. Sit down.
Yeah but that’s literally one example. A subjective one, at that. But when you look at the dsm criteria, self harm and deprivation are on there but hurting others is not. Wanting to hurt others is something more along the lines of anti-social personality disorder.
Do you have your Ph D in psychiatry or psychology? No? Have you simply read some articles on bpd that you found through Google and now think you can diagnose people or take away their diagnosis? Or maybe you have been in contact with one person with bpd and now think you’re the expert? Yeah that’s what I thought.
She’s gonna cheat and a lot more. You really can’t believe >anything< a sufferer says. You will get lost in her pathology.
You will likely have to seek help for the PTSD you will experience after, the sexually transmitted diseases, the loss of nearly everything you are and have.
RUN DON’T WALK
Amen sister!!! I’m the same way! They say that people with bpd are always the manipulators, but if that were true, I wouldn’t always feel backed into a corner by the people I trust most.
Uh, no sweet pea. She was trying to assure that selfish people will hurt you no matter how much you love them or how many times you forgive them. She wasn’t blaming Usedtolove for any of that. The girl that hurt him was very much at fault. The point she’s trying to get across is that he (as well as the writer of this article and many other uninformed “support group” sites out there) is holding a generalized and biggoted view of the disorder and everyone suffering with it. It IS a spectrum, just like Autism, using the example Black Knight chose to use. And don’t forget that a borderline personality can develop by growing up with another disorder and being abused because of it. BPD rarely exists by itself.
The lying, cheating, manipulative selfish girls you’re describing seem more like sociopaths (antisocial personality to be precise) that developed borderline behaviors in an attempt to fill themselves with the love and relationships that they lack ability to legitimately experience.
Whereas a girl/guy with, say gifted/ADHD will be energetic, impulsive, and extremely intelligent, but constantly isolated (whether intentionally or in perception) by their peers and misunderstood by their parents. They learn quickly to force their thoughts and feelings down as they will only be ridiculed and invalidated for them. In becoming an adult, this person will deeply desire intimate relationships as they uncover a lack of love, but they still have all the baggage and insecurity from childhood, and will generally lack the ability to verbalize their distress (due to that forcing down of problems when they were younger). This results in rages and depression and anxiety/paranoia and impulsive behavior that their partner doesn’t understand. This person with bpd feels guilty about everything, so much so that, when you bring up something that REALLY IS their fault, they fall apart at the fact that you noticed it, because they already think of themselves as bad. If YOU think they’re bad, it hurts worse than death, therefore the option becomes enticing, which is where the suicide threats come into play.
A narcissist/sociopath/histrionic person is obsessed with seeking attention. They need you to believe that they are better than you and many display borderline-like behaviors (ever heard of co-morbidity? Yeah, that’s what it is). A true borderline may crave attention, but this differs from the others significantly. First, there IS such a thing as bad attention for a borderline person, and it terrifies them, whereas the others just want all of your attention. Second, the borderline person believes they are bad, and so, undeserving of ANY desired attention, no matter how innocent or reasonable.
Imagine a bottle of soda. This will be our bpd metaphor. Set the soda on the counter. Nothing happens, right? No problems, no big deal. Now shake it up. It starts fizzing. Take the cap off and soda sprays all over you, leaving you wet, annoyed, and less likely to enjoy your drink. NOW, imagine if you shook that bottle of soda for hours; days; weeks; even months at a time. The pressure would build up behind the lid, but eventually, there would be enough to blow that lid off, making a huge mess. A borderline person is like that. Disappointments and setbacks are hard to take, and it shakes them up, but they try so hard to hold it all in, bottle it all up, because they don’t want to be a burden to anyone. But eventually, just like the soda, too much pressure builds up, and they explode.
Shaming ANYONE for their mistakes causes damage. For someone to develop borderline personality, this shaming has been their life. The maladaptive behaviors they experience are behaviors that everyone experiences at one time or another in some way, shape, or form. It becomes a disorder when it’s a never-ending cycle. I’ve noticed that many of the guys complaining about bpd on sites like this, engage in splitting, the black and white thinking common of the very disorder they devalue.
So it would seem that the title of this article is only part true. It should read, “Don’t Date Girls With Borderline Personality Disorder, IF You Are Impatient and Immature.”
That is all.
Honey, you do realize that plenty of girls (and guys, fyi) WITHOUT BPD cheat all the time, right? There’s no way to tell. If you care about this girl, treat her with kindness and compassion, but be clear that you need the same. Don’t treat her like a child, but don’t treat her like a criminal either. If she has extreme emotional reactions, validate them, by saying “I can understand why you’d be feeling this way,” but give her alternative reactions by saying “It would help me to make you feel better if you would tell me that there’s something wrong and explain it, rather than (insert undesired behavior here).” We’re all adults here and if you assume she’s going to cheat, it’s only going to reinforce the paranoia in her mind that you hate her and want to leave (read: abandon) just like everyone else.
I’m sure at this point, you’re no longer together, but just for future reference.
How do I know I can believe anything >you< say? You sound like a bitter, uninformed bigot. Quit generalizing.
You assume that Amber hasn’t had her own share of experiences. What gives you the right to say that her perception is twisted, but not his? And how do we know that your perception isn’t the twisted one? Maybe Alison’s bf wasn’t talking about a debate with her, but about the one on this feed. With all the closed-mindedness here, it’s no wonder he’d see a debate as pointless.
You sound like a rejected, abandoned Borderline.
Go away
Quit generalizing!
Not even a denial?
You’re actually quite wrong and you need to stop commenting on things you know nothing about. I’m borderline, I fit every single criteria to a T. However I’ve always been quite self aware of the destructive behaviour and have just started therapy, which helps A LOT. Borderline people HATE the lives we’re trapped in, our behaviour is NOT intentional and we truly and honestly feel deep shame and regret when we “go off the rails”. Abandonment is a MAJOR issue, a borderline is CREATED by abuse, neglect and mistreatment as a child. It is literally the fault of the parents/guardians that failed to care for their child in the proper manner.
If you can’t handle mental illness, don’t date someone with borderline. However we are NOT the devil, we are NOT evil, we do NOT WANT this affliction and we are not completely incapable of recognising our behaviours/shortcomings.
You have no experience in psychology and no experience suffering the illness. DO NOT assume to tell US what WE suffer with or how WE feel. You have no idea.
This is disgusting. I have never once cheated on any partner and absolutely NEVER would. Cheating is disgusting behaviour. I HAVE, however, been cheated on by “men” who apparently have NO mental illnesses but hey, they’re men, that’s all the excuse they need right?
You have bipolar, not BPD… this isn’t a comparison or a competition. Nobody here is denying that we can be difficult but we aren’t these evil balls of hate everybody makes us out to be. Borderlines are characteristically EMPATHETIC people. We feel emotions deeply, so whilst we may act out in anger or sadness, we also feel extreme happiness, joy and love. Don’t assume to know what it’s like to suffer with BPD just because you have Bi-Polar. Often BPD is co-morbid with depression and anxiety, so many of us are trying to overcome various mental illnesses at once. Nobody is asking for better treatment, simply the RIGHT treatment so that we can live a normal life and stop hurting both ourselves and those that we love.
There is no mention ANYWHERE in the criteria of BPD that suffers are liars or cheaters or are out to others. I have NEVER cheated, I NEVER will, and I am ALWAYS very honest, sometimes too honest. I grew up with moral standards and I stick to those. I fit every single criteria, (these are set by professionals mind you, not half wits on the internet basing their opinions on people they’ve known that probably have other personality disorders) and I am currently in therapy with people who are all quite similar in manner to me. A couple of us are in happy long term relationships with partners that are quite understanding and supportive. We’re all more likely to harm ourselves than others. You have NO professional grounds to base your opinions on and therefore your comments are completely invalid in this situation. Thanks for trying.
I’m not sweetie, but thanks for jumping to conclusions. And no, not a total denial because that would be generalizing as well. Some girls with BPD are selfish, destructive rage monsters and some are not. But isn’t that true of all girls, disordered or not? And that’s not to leave guys out, because some of you can be petty little bitches too. What you’re doing is taking the behaviors of an isolated group and applying it to everyone with a certain label. If you check the dsm, you see WHAT it is people with the disorder do, but not HOW they do it. The development of the personality may be disordered, but the baseline temperament we’re born with leads each person to experience the same things in different ways, causing different reactions. That’s why we look at these things as a spectrum. The title of this article is generalized and extremely stigmatizing. Many of you have had experience with outward-acting low-functioning borderline personalities, but that’s certainly not representative of an entire people group.
“Sweetie” his article is a warning about very dangerous people. They hide their hideous ways as they wreck havoc in peoples lives. They prey on others pity, love and compassion. They are unable to love or feel any genuine compassionate emotion. Their coping mechanisms in truth are a macabra game that relies on peoples ignorance.
Escalation of ‘traits’ is not only possible but a certainty as BPD behaviours cause hurt, confusion and chaos. These behaviours ultimately leading to abandonment, gaming for control leads to more and more hideous, paranoid acts, sometimes fatal.
Any article that tries to educate non borderlines about the possible confusion in their relationships is crowded with borderlines trying to shame, confuse and belittle everyone ( as usual ). I am educating my son and daughter about you, how to spot you and your robotic, appalling , histrionic games. I know this sounds odd but it isn’t always about you.
In truth you care for nothing, not even yourself. Part of being human is having authentic emotional value for yourself and consequently others. At the heart of BPD is a black hole of the soul sucking everyone including the host into it.
How BPDs “DO” it is well documented on the web.
Idealising and devaluing, Lying, Avoidance, Baiting , Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing, Blaming, Bullying , Chaos Manufacture, Cheating , Chronic Broken Promises, Circular Conversations, “Control-Me” Syndrome, Cruelty to Animals, Denial, Dissociation, Emotional Abuse, False Accusations, Favoritism and Scapegoating, Frivolous Litigation, Gaslighting, Smear campaigns.
Guilting, shame-inducing, martyrdom!! Wow big words. You have lived with it and seen it so you know us all right? Wrong. This disease doesn’t come from nowhere we are not just assholes or bitches. If you could be in my head for one day and feel the insecurty, fear, self hate, doubt and loathing you would be a hollow quivering mass. Take 8 years of moletation and abuse abandonment and the rest of a childhood in foster care group homes and psych wards. The whole time being told your the problem. Yes I have issues I scare myself sometimes but I would never hurt someone on purpose. I would certainly never cheat on somone that I loved. Even if I was not “in love” there is no way I would cheat. In fact because of fear of being hurt or hurting someone else I for the last 10 years of my life have isolated myself. I have put myself in prison because of people like you. The couple of people in my life that I have care enough about me to undertand me. If anyone needs me I am there no questions. Anyone can be a bitch and go off but that does not mean we are afforded many freedoms and legal protections which allow
them to continue to perpetuate these damaging behaviors against others. That is such garbage. The only real damage I do to anyone is to myself. 10 years of hidding from the world to avoid being hurt people like you only perpetuate the fear that we are in the wrong when it is a fight to survive everyday. Dont pigeon hole what you could never ever understand. Without it in your brain you have no clue!
Spectrum. There is a spectrum. I believe the mere fact that you have attempted to clear this woman of the diagnosis does not make you a professional. Just make the recommendation for a therapist instead of being a dick.
I have borderline personality disorder. She is either going to cheat or become severely attached, loyal to you. Instead of worrying about cheating or a relationship why don’t you find her a therapist. Hope she hasn’t destroyed your soul by now lol.
You speak as my ex boyfriend used to speak to me. He got through to me. What you say is true. Mychelle needs to self reflect. I have BDP. I wish more people were rational and compassionate like you.
As for what you mentioned about current society and the methods of the past that is totally interesting, thank you for sharing.
Wow, did you date my ex gf? Mine threatened to set fire to my house, threatened to tell the police that insect bites that had swollen on her calves were actually from me kicking her, smashed a window in the side door of my house, wrote all over my car with paint, went to my mother’s office unannounced and screamed at her for allegedly trying to keep us apart, told me she was pregnant when she was not and, let’s see..that is enough for now. The saddest thing? I still care about her.
Could you consider that actually you don’t remember doing those things because your memory discards anything which doesn’t fit your emotional narrative?
I mean, maybe you actually haven’t, but is it possible for you to concede the possibility that you have a lot of false memories?
@Ali Underwood … Ali…If you’re in love with a partner who is an undiagnosed BPD and they slash their wrists and their throat open with a box-cutter … don’t you think their partner would feel great pain and despair about something like that having happened to someone he/she loves or cares for?
IT IS NORMAL for a NoN to FEEL great Stress, Anxiety and Shock hearing or witnessing his/her BPD partner, spouse, girlfriend … has severely injured themselves.
Remember the film “Fatal Attraction?” When Glenn Close was all weeping and forlorn and then slowly presented her hands to Michael Douglas … How did he react? With Shock, Terror and total confusion! Their’s nothing Anti-Social about that.
Emotional Terror her character inflicted on Michael Douglas was very real and VERY HARMFUL! When you’re with a BPD partner; you sort of become a hostage to their emotional turmoils.
Pretty soon, you begin experiencing heart palpitations and terror when they come in through the door, You cannot sleep, you feel the life-energy drain out of you, you become hyper-vigilant to what might happen next, Your blood-pressure rises, Your breathing becomes frenetic and shallow, you begin having muscle cramps in your neck and shoulders or blinding headaches because of the non-ending tension and stress you experience, your own perception of reality begins to falter as you think you are the one who is going crazy… Al this Ali … is HARM OTHERS EXPERIENCE WHEN EXPOSED TO A BPD.
Think of this…what harm does a BPD do when they are alone and not in a relationship? None. Why? Because their’s no one to react to! No identity to absorb. No reason to harm themselves when theirs no one to abandon them!
APD’s (Anti-Social Personality Disordered) actually have a deficit of emotions. Which is what enables them to do the things they do to others and have no remorse for it.
I call the Cluster B Pantheon “Dracula and his 3 Brides” They are ALL narcissists, ALL have depressed or deficits in Empathy, They do not perceive others and the world as NoN’s do. They don’t think the rules which govern society and the world do not apply to them.
BPD’s do not inhabit reality as Non’s do. That’s the conflict! You cannot join them in their BPD “Multiverse” or “Alternate Reality” You live in THIS reality … they don’t want to. They abscond from reality as a coping/defense behavior to avoid the real pressures or reality …so they can stay the children they are inside.
They will bounce from one relationship to the next doing this. It’s just they way they’re wired. It’s extremely fixed behavior and rarely if ever changes.
@tiago I’ve NEVER seen a BPD actually enter treatment or concede they need treatment. That’s not to say it doesn’t exist… It’s just that the dynamics of a BP prevent them from entering treatment. All the suggestion, cajoling, ultimatums … never work 98% of the time. “I’m not going to no therapist; I ain’t crazy! You’re the one who’s crazy, NOT ME!”
To me, the BP who enters treatment is like Bigfoot…you always hear about them…but never actually see one.
Nuff Said!
Excuse me but people with BPD have this and get treatment to understand comments like this from people like you!!!
I was diagnosed at 15!!!!
I’m a 47 year old female with BPD and I’ve had the disorder now for 30 years and I have NEVER cheated on anyone and NEVER would, well it won’t be possible for me to cheat on anyone now because I plan on staying single for the rest of my life, have been single now for about 5 years and I love it. Single life is the best life for me, I can do what I want when I want with no one to tell me what to do.
I also have PTSD due to seeing many of my friends take their own life one went off the roof of my building, seeing him go past my balcony was very difficult and then his body stayed where it was for most of the day while they investigated.
Judging others for something someone did to you is just silly. One person with BPD isn’t going to always do, act or behave the exact same as anyone else with BPD. Having this disorder for so long has taught me a lot about myself and the disorder and has taken me through a lot. I have come to a point where the right treatment and therapy has made it appear to family and friend as if I no longer have BPD but I know it will never go away since there is no cure.
I feel sorry for you.
LMAO those are NOT even for BORDERLINE personality disorder. They are from other types of personality disorders. Many Borderlines don’t do about half of those you have listed. Many BPD people are the ones that are usually bullied, not the ones that bully, are belittled but don’t belittle others. Most would never be cruel to animals, we have deep care for animals and even have a type of treatment where pets are used for therapy. YOU are looking for “personality disorders” and then saying it’s all BPD when it actually could be one of the following: Antisocial personality disorder, Avoidant personality disorder, Dependent personality disorder, Histrionic personality disorder, Narcissistic personality disorder, Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, Paranoid personality disorder, Schizoid personality disorder.
As I have said before I’m 47 and have had BPD now for 30 years. I don’t bully, I’ve been bullied. I’ve never belittled any, been belittled a lot. Never cheated, been cheated on. Always keep my promise, had promise broken on me many times. I don’t talk much, really only talk when someone talks to me. Don’t want to be controlled or to control anyone. Would never hurt an animal, I have two dogs (one is a rescue) and a cat, I also take care of my mom’s two dogs when she needs me to. No denial here. I do dissociate (part of BPD). I’ve been emotionally abused (part of BPD). The rest doesn’t apply to me in anyway and never has.
When I first moved into my own place I still self harmed and no one was around, it has nothing to do with being in a relationship or wanting attention from anyone. I don’t want anyone to see my scars or know what I have done so I keep them covered. I no longer self harm and have changed in many ways so therefore it is not a fixed behaviour and with the correct treatment and therapy people with BPD can learn to cope with the disorder and live happy lives.
You are making it seem like it’s worse for the person in the relationship that doesn’t have BPD then it is for the one that does have BPD. It’s much worse for the one suffering from the disorder, they go through horrible thoughts and feelings every minute of every day when they don’t have the correct treatment and therapy.
Many people with BPD end up dying by suicide because they just can’t find a way out from their day to day life. When I was younger I tried to commit suicide a few times and never told anyone what I was thinking or how I was feeling at the time. I just did it and someone always ended up finding me in time, not sure how because I was never where I was suppose to be at the time.
What if the man has BPD in the divorce?
A person with BPD is really not any of the things you have listed here when they are in recovery and YES we can go into recovery. Just like an alcoholic a person with BPD can go into recovery but NOT be cured. Myself I’m in my 3rd BPD recovery and my longest one. I feel great and can accept responsibility for my behaviour and how it affect others.
I agree with you many people with BPD do have toxic personalities and maybe they always will. BUT those that get into the right treatment and therapy that works for them can go into recovery as I have and not be anything like how you describe BPD’s.
Thank you for your validation. I just want people to know more about Personality Disorders and become more informed. If I had the knowledge I have now 25 years ago; MY ENTIRE LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT! I want others out there to perhaps avoid the pain and calamity BPD’s can sometimes bring into their lives when they get involved with one.
I am entering therapy on my own decision after I failed a few relationships with nice guys because I was always looking for warning signs that they are falling out of love with me, and driving both crazy. I get into therapy, because I really love my bf/exbf, and I do not want to hurt anyone who cared about me this way anymore…and I decided to get help.
You are right! I’m that kinda BPD girl. Don’t listen to this asshole!
The sooner people start to realise that mental illness is about what happened to a person, not what’s wrong with that person the better off we’ll all be. Borderline should be called complex PTSD – sensitive children experiencing very poor parenting in their early years, suffering childhood abandonment, abuse and neglect, and having everything they think or feel invalidated.Personal boundaries violated, trust violated, no healthy boundaries provided. All that stress and trauma – no wonder they’re moody, have shot impulse control when trauma retriggers them, and don’t know how to communicate what they want, or to relate well or to even recognise how they really feel or what they really mean.
Borderlines exhibit the same bad behaviours that occur in normal but very sensitive people vulnerable to stress who have experienced the same abnormal circumstances.
Normalise the trauma people – the focus must be on destigmatising borderline, not crucifying the victims. It is exacerbated by stress hormones and trauma triggers, and is a spectrum post traumatic stress disorder and a mood disorder – just like anxiety, depression, PTSD and Bipolar. The personality aspects are merely an interesting side line.
Empathic borderlines have a responsibility to commit to recovery and to seek support from empaths of the world; the desensitised borderlines will probably just seek alcohol and drugs or find jail. Sad, but true.
I believe that I suffered PTSD for at least half a year, after mine was gone. Her behaviour was erratic and unpredictable. I feared that she was going to attack me at some point. I could overpower her, but that is not a situation I wanted to be in.
Surprise, surprise…someone with BPD claiming to be a victim.
It is nothing like autism. You just have a shit personality – the problem is you.
Try and strive for something higher than instant emotional gratification and then we can talk.
You’re so deep in BPD you’re even trying to recruit emotional validators on the internet!
Bullshit about you always being the victim of your own victimey, pure innocence…you haven’t even begun to address your hideous personality until you can see when you’ve been the instigator, which to be honest, was probably 90 percent of the time.
Take this fact. Deal with it. You did it. Stop being a bitch. Move on.
Can you think of times when you have hurt people badly and you were the one to blame?
If you can, then your friend is wrong but you should still do a bit of soul searching because they have called you something very bad indeed.
If you cannot then you’re classic BPD because everyone has done bad things but only BPDs refuse to admit it about themselves…lest they have to prioritise something over their immediate emotional gratification.
You’re not sick. You’re just incredibly selfish. BPD is not special, it’s not a disease and you are not the victim.
You feel oh so specially feels and emotionz!?!
That profound regret and shamejt. You’re loving it. You’re even loving talking about it on the Internet.
Stop being so self indulgent and instead soberly self-appraise yourself and then actual actions to right the many wrongs which you have undoubtedly done.
Empathetic? Haha that is the opposite of what you are. You are emotional, sure, but selfish to the core. So selfish that you do nothing except ride the whirlpool of your own internal emotions.
If you were empathetc then something other than your immediate emotional state would matter to you. Which it does not.
Now go and try and recruit some enablers at some other site.
Considering that everyone ha done disgusting things, can you admit to doing any WITHOUT turning it into a you as the victim sob story?
If not, leave. You’re toxic.
Wrong. You are not generalising when you ascribe the categoristics of BPD to someone with BPD.
No more than when you say that all bananas are fruit.
Yet another woman with BPD claiming how righteous and pure she is and how much of a poor look at me victim she has always been.
Bullshit!
‘I wouldn’t even hurt an animal’ haha yet you have constantly hurt everyone around you and are so selfishly locked up with your own emotional masturbation that you will never admit it.
To every decent person, take my advice, and avoid!
PTSD is exactly it. BPDs torture those around them and they’re too self-absorbed to even notice it.
That’s good advice for managing the woman and it really works.
It is also how you talk to a particularly self-absorbed child.
I almost cried when I read your post. It really sounds like you have reached a decent level of emotional maturity. Recognising the damage you have done is the first step, going about in a calm and measured way to rectify it is the final step.
You’re to self absorbed to see how you are lying…even on the internet.
Yay another woman with BPD who thinks she is the victim….it’s almost like it’s a pattern!
Best advice ever. But you know for her to do this would require her to think of something other than ‘how can I wank my emotions off right now.’
And yet that ‘self-harm’ is actually about selfish emotional instant gratification.
It is just extreme selfishness and extreme emotional self indulgence.
Again the woman with the BPD is victim claiming…boring…
Get over yourself.
Yes you’ve never done anything wrong. You’re always the victim. I get it.
It’s also all BPD bullshit.
I know. Someone writes an article about BPD and bunch of women with BPD all complain about it in the most BPD way possible.
Perfect irony.
Lol. The irony of it all is so amazing. I can predict each response to this thread by the BPDs without even thinking.
It if talks like a duck walks like a duck then it probably is a duck.
For duck read selfish bitch.
I didn’t meet one. I had one inflicted on me throughout my childhood. I still sometimes have to deal with her.
While I can write those years off as awful and terrible because I was utterly traumatised…I suppose that there is one benefit…I know only to seek out genuinely empathetic women now.
It’s great.
She shows inappropriate emotional responses and she gets dumped. I’ve had great relationships following this rule and will marry an absolutely lovely and unselfish woman.
Very well said.
Empathy and borderlines do not intersect. Emotions are not empathy.
People who love to pretend to themselves that they always are the victim often are the victim sometimes.
Everyone knows that. And that is all that your post added up to.
Great. You call it recovery I call it trying to become a better and less selfish person…or just acting less selfishly.
Notice how you still partly adopt the language of victimhood though
It probably happens but it seems like men have shit personalities in other ways.
So you’re saying that you’re perfect and yet also the victim.
Go away. Your self absorbed and entirely toxic nonsense won’t play well here.
It is not mental illness. It is being a shit, utterly self-absorbed person.
So grow up already.
If you have a shit personality when you’re a child then it’s not your fault. If you have one when you’re over 25 then you haven’t tried hard enough.
BPD equals a description of a certain type of shit personality.
Why do you want to date a girl who has one of those?
That’s not a healthy indication about you and probably highlights something you should work on
you call it treatment and being cured…I call it growing up and being a decent person..
Well said. The irony here is that you have a real condition…observable on examining the brain. BPD is just another word for describing an awful personality. Only observable in their ridiculous actions.
What part of that was even close to me claiming to be a victim? When did I display a habit of instant emotional gratification? And why do you guys keep assuming I actually have the disorder? because I never even once said I did.
And when I say it’s like autism, I mean as far as it being on a spectrum. Obviously the symptoms are nothing alike, otherwise they wouldn’t be separate disorders! (Big surprise there, I know…)
The diagnostic criteria for bpd lists a total of 9 symptoms (yeah, “symptoms”… you know, like, in an illness??) To be diagnosed, at least 5 of those symptoms need to be present in the individual. So anyone with bpd could have 5, 6, 7, 8, or all 9 traits present within their experience. That’s almost 300 different combinations that can present the same disorder. So there’s one spectrum.
Also, different people experience each symptom at varying degrees. You can have several people with THE SAME 5 symptoms but experience them each with different levels of intensity. So basically you have roughly 270 sub-spectrums within the entirety of this disorder.
Now you say the problem is one’s personality? That’s not true. It’s the maladaptive traits and coping mechanisms that have developed alongside the personality of the person affected by the disorder. Either being born with a genetic predisposition to the disorder, or spending childhood repressing emotions that are caused by abuse and invalidation can lead to a person’s developing the disorder.
Now to address your attitude: Sites like these are supposed to be informational. It’s not supposed to be a playground for sad, lonely men to get their fix from preying on people on the internet. You’re taking anything that anyone says out of context and twisting it to fit your version of reality. It’s obvious that you didn’t actually read what I said, you just jumped to your own conclusion based on piss and wind. All you’re doing on here is starting fights with and antagonizing people, which makes you a pack of trolls. Get a life, and learn a thing or two while you’re at it.
I have a new ‘illness’ for you; which I shall term ‘being a total bitch’ and you only need to display 2 of 3 of the following.
1. You go out of your way to hurt people because it gives you emotional stimulation and you love indulging in emotional stimulation.
2. You never take responsibility for your bad actions, although sometimes you pretend to be doing it by saying that you are all bad and and ‘the worst’ or even pretending to attempt suicide to add drama to the situation and self-indulge in yet more emotional stimulation.
3. You ruin the lives of those around you like a crack addict, except that your drug is your and everyone else around you’s emotional turmoil so it is so much worse; and yet, like a crack addict, you refuse to get off the crack because it’s more fun for you than taking the long hard road to becoming a better person.
See! I can medicalise and thereby excuse and make a victim out of bad people too!
As for your opinion on my attitude. I know BPD. I grew up being abused by someone with it. Of course I am angry. Anger is the appropriate emotional response, which is something I learned and accepted during my twenties as I recovered from the PTSD that I’d spent my young life suffering as the result of one of you BPD bitches. I am certainly not lonely though and am in an exceptionally healthy relationsip, no doubt, because I avoid self-absorbed bitches.
Nor is she the only one like you that I have met. Unsurprisingly I am very finely attuned to your unpleasantness and feel no need to indulge your bullshit.
I fully understand that you often feel terrible and that it is unpleasant, but ultimately like a crack addict you keep taking another hit. You have my empathy but, unless you are young (25 or less, or are not a Fritzl) you will get no sympathy from me. It is wholly your fault for the way you choose to remain utterly self-absorbed in the stimulation of your own emotional vortex.
To everyone reading this thread who is learning about BPD for the first time, if someone is acting like that, then they are a terrible and toxic person. Yes, they can change, but don’t try and take on that responsibility unless there is something very valuable in it for you.
If you feel you have a duty to somehow rescue these people, especially if you get your own emotional reward from thinking about it, then you have your own mirroring broken personality, and you should certainly ‘advoid’ as you are their most vulnerable victim.
Oooh and you ask how I know you have BPD. I just know. It is like a sixth sense, but if I had to pick a particular ‘tell’ I would say that it is obvious in the torrent of random insults that you have appended to your message.
See how they don’t fit into any sort of logical argument? How they just follow one another like the flailing thumps of a toddler in a tantrum? I’d recognise that behaviour anywhere.
Also, question: imagine your son or brother or some other man you claim to genuinely love begins a relationship with a girl with BPD – do you love them enough to advise them to break it off and protect themselves? Or do you love your ego more and encourage them to continue?
OK, so I think I’m following the point you’re making. I’m commenting under the assumption that your use of “you” when describing bpd behavior is in a general sense, rather than targeted directly at me.
What you said about having empathy for 25 and under is actually pretty reasonable. Between then and puberty seems to be a very vulnerable time, especially for girls/women and can be cause for a plethora of behavior and adaptive problems, even for neurotypical people. This experience is amplified for someone predisposed to trauma and poor coping skills. 25 seems to me to be a reasonable cut off age because it’s by that time that a person starts evaluating their life and setting their future in motion.
I *do* believe that borderline is a genuine disorder, far beyond the mindset of simply being a bitch, but it’s true that each person is responsible for their own growth and recovery. But that goes for literally everyone with any kind of ailment, physical or mental. Be it diabetes, bipolar, heart disease, OCD, depression, cancer, autism, ADHD, cystic fibrosis, uti, schizophrenia, or anything else; once you pass that age group, you should at least be starting your road to recovery.
I get the idea that the problems you’re describing with the disorder are the older individuals that should have been taking responsibility for their health long before the destructive point they’ve reached. Am I understanding you right?
By ‘you’ I did mean people in general, yes, I will now switch to ‘one.’
Your understanding is good, but you are missing a crucial bit of what I am trying to say.
We agree that someone with BPD needs to take responsibility for their own self-improvement, however you want to word it.
Crucially, though, I also believe that someone with BPD must take responsibility for the ways in which they have harmed those around them. They must not just hide behind the BPD diagnosis as some sort of equal victim.
To take responsibility is to soberly recognise the wrong which one has done and then go about calmly trying to fix it. This requires great empathy, because such pennance requires calmly refusing to rise to provocations from those around you which one’s own past behaviour provoked.
I suppose that genuine, positive, non-self-harming, undramatic pennance would be the final step towards what you term recovery.
I would love to receive an apology in which the BPD individual calmly explained the details of what they had done wrong and why they truly regretted it. My sisters would say the same and we would probably rate it as one of the things we want the most in life.
To share in the emotional pain that one has caused someone is healthy, and I suppose, that is what pennance in this case is.
Sharing is to let that pain really hurt you, yet not make it about you, because the pain is deserved, as you inflicted it in the first place. It is to say ‘I fully understand and I am really sorry, I am coming to terms with how difficult my behaviour must have been.’
Perhaps paying the debt would take more than that, but I am sure that in most cases that is all it would take, well that and not signficantly repeating the BPD pattern of behaviour towards those individuals again.
this is the best comment ive ever read on the internet
So let me get this straight a borderline reacts to their internal hurt by hiring an aggressive lawyer to file a court case by filing a certification filled with lies and emotional half truths while demanding ridiculous amounts of money because she’s a victim? Then, after draging the other person through months of nasty and expensive litigation because, well, because she can she acts like nothing happened because she’s just responding to internal hurts? Yep, that sure sounds like helpless person reacting to pain.
There’s one basic rule I have—NEVER BELIEVE A BPD, no matter how pathetic and weak they may sound. It’s a ruse.
Amen, brother. A borderline trapped me with a pregnancy and has made my life and my son’s a living hell. But who does she blame? LOL. Take a guess. Herself? Hell no. It’s my fault for not loving her when she loved me enough to give me a child I never wanted. And now that I have a family they are targets too. Borderlines are pure evil. It is their talent.
The borderline in my life tried to pull that “deep shame” bullshit too. I said, “Well, if you’re feeling so much pain send me back half of the child support you’re using for trips to Europe, and let me use it to take our son on a trip.” That shut her mouth real quick. Borderlines lie like most people breathe.
I love how borderlines come on support sites and stack the people whose lives they’ve crapped on.
Bam! Thank you for putting these monsters in their place. They are emotional vampires who feel nothing but pity for themselves while they wreck people’s lives.
Get away before you “accidentally” knock her up.
The borderline I know used to say the same thing, in between breaking up people’s marriages. She’d still be wiping the jizz from her lips as she’d say how moral she was.
You sound like a pathetic loser borderline, so beat it you toxic evil vampire.
Stop talking and you’ll stop manipulating. Funny how you deny the experiences of all the people here for your own pathetic self righteousness.
No you don’t. You’re angry that he’s calling you out for what you are. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do to a borderline: expose them.
You’re single because nobody wants you.
Treatment for a borderline is like taking the rattle off a rattlesnake. It’s still dangerous, it just doesn’t warn you anymore.
I know one. She’s still crazy, she just hides it better.
Borderlines hurt emotionally and financially
DepthTested, your an idiot! How exactly does a woman trap a man with a pregnancy? You chose to have sex with her right? When you have sex with a woman (borderline or not) there is a possibility of getting her pregnant. Were you unaware of that fact? It takes two people to make a baby, maybe you should man up and take some responsibility for how that child came to be.
You say “she loved me enough to give me a child I never wanted”…..really? Maybe she loved her child enough to give it life and that decision had nothing to do with you! Your thinking is distorted and you seem to take no responsibility for your actions.
Further more, I don’t see how anything you’ve mentioned has anything to do with being a Borderliner. You’re upset because you got a girl pregnant and she gave that baby life. Let me guess, you’re pissed about having to pay child support right? Quit being a little Bitch and take responsibility like a real man.
I think before you come on a public forum to point the finger at Borderliners, a topic you have shown you know nothing about, you need to take a long hard look at yourself and try to figure out exactly WTF is wrong with you!
DepthTested- Who’s Jizz was she wiping from her lips? That’s what I thought! So not only is she at fault for having your baby but now she’s responsible for breaking up your marriage? YOU were the one who was cheating on your wife by being with her. So if your marriage ended (most likely due to the infidelity) don’t you think that’s on you?
It’s called personal accountability and you clearly take none! You point the finger at this woman and her BPD (If she even has It) and fail to realize that YOU’RE the problem!
you’re literally the dumbest person ive come across in the entirety of my life on the internet. You’re bullying sick people because you’re bitter and alone and horny and women don’t want you because you’re pathetic hahahahahaha
you dont even know what BPD is
what you’re explaining here is sociopathy. you’re arguing about something you don’t know about on the internet with strangers, they aren’t being mean, you are being disgustingly malicious and saying that others are? HAHAHAHAHAHA fuck man you’re so pathetic, i can almost imagine you in my head right now, sad whiny boy, probably badmouth your mother while living in her basement because you’re a fuckup who cant get laid so they have to project their anger on other people because they have nothing better to do. judging by your character here, people are just politely trying to educate you and you’re like NO YOURE SCUM GO BE SCUM AND SAD – I am 100% sure that you were the fucking cunt in the relationship. your poor fucking girlfriend. before you waste your energy responding, im not even going to think about your miserable life again let alone waste my time reading your dumb as fuck and invalid comment hahahahaaha im going to tell my friends about you, they will laugh as much as i did.
Well said Deduction! I am borderline and yes I can be a total bitch! I am unhappy, bored, empty and I must kick off so what the hell lets cause some trouble, burn the god damn world that is so disappointing. Responsibility? What’s that? I don’t even understand the meaning of that world and why would I? It is NEVER my fault. Yes I say sorry but most of time to get away with things. I say anything to get my way, to control, to charm. I am toxic and whatever I touch I will turn into dust. But you are wrong about one thing. We cannot change, its bullshit. We just learn how to pretend better that’s all.
That was predictable.
Pretending some of the time is changing somewhat, just as pretending all of the time is changing completely.
What you call pretending I call developing normal adult coping mechanisms.
You’ll have a hard time telling my friends because you would have to track me down first and you have my profile so wrong.
Nonetheless thank you for giving a textbook example of BPD rage.
There are very few BPD where what you say is true.
However, many a BPD have the group of hoovers ex’s who are “friends”. Every single one of them wants you back (the curse of BPD). And none of them will say anything bad, so it’s hard to take their word
White Knight syndrome is freaking hard to break. I know very well. It took 11.5 years for my BPD to break me of it. Until that point, I wouldn’t say anything bad. Notice the 0.5, we were together 11 years – took me another 6 months to get over WKS.
Twice during that 6 months she recycled me (though no sex) just to get comfort, then getting a restraining order out of nowhere – she said I harassed and threatened her. Probably pay back for when I tried to go NC and that still failed and I still comforted her when she needed it – BPD pay back kindness with more pain or at least many do. Your probably just part of the minority in BPD’s, the ones who prefer the hoover – most prefer pain.
Maybe your the exceptions, but in all likelihood your ex’s can’t let you go and they know (they KNOW) anything negative about you will make you turn them black in 0.0 seconds flat. And for those f**n idiots they are still walking on egg shells just to make you happy even though they have 0 chance at anything real with you ever again. Once a BPD leaves, they may recycle but they will never come back forever.
Side note, you look a little gaunt. I have very little faith in a BPD who is as skinny as you. That looks a little eating disorder-ish, sign that you’re not very in control. Probably “witch” style BPD who discards quickly after idealization is over. Then again you might be “queen”, simply due to the fact your new guy doesn’t complain about all the old hoovers. Most guys don’t deal with that BS.
Given the wide definition for being “co-dependent” Jesus would be guilty. See my post above about learning limits and boundaries.
And ‘the child you never wanted’ is were it begins all over again. I imagine how pitiful it must be for a child to know how their family thinks they should’ve never been born.
I never thought about it that way. I think pretending stops me from changing. That’s the whole point, you pretend so you dont have to change. If only I put the energy of keeping up my façade into actually making some internal amendments we could talk about developing normal adult mechanisms. But why bother? I like my crack pipe, and I am too busy of feeling sorry for myself. So I just pretend. And yes tomorrow I will change I promise. And yes tomorrow is the same, I promise.
only someone with bpd would write something like this. its okay if you don’t understand after all you are just a dumb broad
I feel like I have a family member who may have BPD but I can’t be sure. She’s hard to approach on these matters. Alison, how does one get diagnosed with BPD and how did you know you are on one end of the spectrum? Do you have any useful websites or books that you can recommend to read up on this matter? Thanks in advance!
Hope things are better for you Bro.
Dude hope things are better now.
JR – thanks for checking on me, i’ve been better but it’s still a bit of a struggle. I found a new girl and have been dating her for almost a year now and she’s sweet and treats me great. I still can’t help but think about my ex here and there, and still have moments of “seller’s” remorse. I think I might need therapy to figure out why I still think that way.
What’s your story?
I posted it on here yesterday afternoon. You deserve better and it sounds like you have it now. You did nothing wrong. Keep looking forward.
Thanks JR. I think the “you deserve better” part is exactly what I need to work on. To be honest, when I do look back, it’s mainly because I keep on confusing a lot of her malicious, if you will, actions for just immaturity since she was only 20 when we dated. This whole thought process of “she was just an emotional 20 year old girl, she would out grow it.”
Just read your post. Hope things are on the look up for you as well.
I’m better. I ended it at the end of September. There was a lot more that I could have put on. Like I had a big hit at the Casino and I gave $20 to a female friend and told her I she hit we would split the money. The wack I was with got upset and jealous because I did that. Totally insane considering what the hell she was doing. She would freak out about anything that I said she should have been taking care of. Like I had no business telling her what to do. As smoking hot as she was on the outside she was a nightmare as a person. Drinking, gambling away all her money and using sex to get rides and money from guys. Not paying her fines for 10 months. I’m VERY lucky that I didn’t catch anything from her and I did offer her money to help pay her bills. When I did offer to help she would get very angry and say that she would never take money from me. She never did. When she did have money she would buy me a drinks. I have hell of a lot more money than she did so I would always grab the check. So again I’m lucky that I have my health and money. Finding out she was a complete slore was rough to say the least. I just looked at what was on the outside ignoring the 3 DUI’s and two divorces, and her gambling issue. Three other things that made it easier to walk away and grasp what the hell I was thinking . First one was that she was in jail after her 2nd DUI for 30 days she did it again 5 years later. She has 3 kids. If you couldn’t quit after that then she never will. She also claimed that she won concert tickets at a wet t-shirt contest back in 2008. At the time I thought that was awesome. Looking back at that she was married to her first husband and she had 3 kids at home. That poor guy. The shit that I found on her phone too. I’m not saying that there is ever a reason for a guy to hit a woman, but I’m sure that she was doing the same thing to her two ex-husbands and the previous guys she was with. I knew I just needed to drive her home. What was crazy was 2 days later she wanted to hook up again. Again I know she was going on house arrest for a year and would have no future with her. What was messed up was I went out with her for 6 months. She waited until she knew that I was in love with her to tell me to run. SaYing that I was a good guy and that I only knew 25% about her. Something I wish she had done months earlier. The scare I had waiting for my test results to come back was frightening to say the least. The first time I banged her we were outside. She took off her thong and we went at it. It was stupid of me not to use a rubber. I never did the whole time we were together. Again I’m very, very lucky to have my health. I was letting the wrong head doing all the thinking. Lesson learned. Feel sorry for the next guy that falls in love with her.
That’s really good, I wish I was diagnosed at a young age!!! I know I had it.
How can we be self absorbed if we don’t even know ourselves
Some people have borderline n they don’t have empathy for others. However I do feel emtions. I am the.one that will cry at weddings n funerals. But had no empathy for my ex and the pain I caused him
I agree whole heartly. I ruined my ex n watched him vanish right in front of me. Over my own insecurities
I’m 40 and very patient and have a reputation and live as a good guy. I got completely destroyed used and thrown away. It should read ” Be careful of girls with bpd some of them are extremely souless and evil.”
That is all.
I have the curse and benefit of having a sister with BPD. Growing up was utter hell and though she is now 350 plus miles from me she still torments my life. I can’t stand how she uses and abuses my elderly parents. It is such a shame how my mother will call me in tears about her latest fight or how she gets word my sister is tearing her and my dad down to others. I was geographically closer during her first two marriages and hated the torment my nephew went through. She is now on her third marriage with three more children. My mother lets my sister dump her kids in her all the time. Her reason is to protect the kids. I understand that but it is getting harder and harder on my parents. I was fortunate that when I was looking for a wife I compared them to my sister. If they even showed any similarities I moved on. My wife is the antithesis of my sister. I told my nephew to make sure his fiancé is not like his mother or he will be a miserable adult like he was a miserable child.
My sister has done it just to validate that all of her husbands and the rest of her family are at fault. Once the therapist finds out who they are dealing with and things start to focus on her she is done. The therapist is better than sliced bread at first her new best friend but it like all her relationships quickly sour. My dad always says the first day someone meets her it is all downhill from there heck her first husband had a black eye within the first week of marriage. One time she told my mother her husband was abusing her and showed her bruises on her wrists as though they had been grabbed. My mother asked him what it was about (though she really new from experience she wanted to hear him say it) he said yeah that is from me holding her arms to keep her beating the crap out of me. When she rages which can happen at anytime it is an awful experience. She was arrested for it only once but sweet talked my nephew in taking the blame and convinced a judge she was just disciplining an unruly teen. It made me sick hearing how the unaware judge lectured my nephew when we all new she was to blame. Borderlines are dangerous, manipulative, cunning liars and users.
PTSD is not special, it’s not a disease and you are not the victim… get the point? PTSD, like BPD, is a disorder formed in reaction to traumatic events – they developed one, you developed another. So, in light of your cutting, black and white analysis, would you say PTSD is not an illness (perhaps you are just a pussy)?
Also, even though you are responsible for the treatment of and awareness of the condition/illness/self-indulgent fear, would you agree it was not your fault or choice to develop it?
I may seem harsh but it is only to satirize your small minded attitude, of which is drenched in a subjective anguish of which I sympathize, but you’ve lost your head over it my friend. Your experience doesn’t count for all nor does it make you a qualified expert on the matter.
You are indeed a victim as was the person who probably afflicted the pain upon you and most likely the one that created them, this shit comes in endless cycles where one either carries the baton of the former or goes around bashing everyone with their newly created, starkly apposing and often equally damaging baton of their own, whilst sitting on a rather tall looking horse.
Because it should never be a misinformed hate club.
You’d better inform the entire psychiatry network that ‘Deduction’ has made a revolutionary breakthrough in the classification of mental illness.
Perfect.
Ali Underwood, it is fun reading your posts. A true PBD all the way. You’d be a good study subject.
That’s exactly the reason for self-absorption: lack of self-knowledge. Look at any toddler, and how self-absorbed and inherently selfish they are and have almost no self-awareness or self-knoweldge. That should explain it for you.
Empathy and having emotions are entirely different things. Hitler had emotions, but he had no empathy; or rather – he had empathy but only sometimes, when it suited him. He saved his friends in battle numerous times and was awarded two iron crosses for risking his life in WWI. Yet, he could not care less that millions were being killed under his orders.
The very fact that you have BPD makes you least qualified to talk about it. All BPDs are different, and your only value is in being a subject, not an “expert” by any stretch of imagination.
I’m with you I haven’t ever cheated and I am very blunt and honest with everyone. There must be some kind of spectrum or something cause according to my doctor not everyone is that bad. Yes there are, like all other mental illnesses, varying degrees depending on the person. My guess like everything else there is a spectrum and maybe we are on the super high functioning end. Don’t get me wrong I do have my moments but nothing like that and never while casual dating did I ever even show much emotion besides laughing.
It isn’t fair to categorize all of ppl with a disorder the same. Just like ppl suffering from depression some learn to function with it better than others. Same with anxiety or any other mood disorder. One person isn’t the same as others. What she did to you is just being a shitty person. No one should do that no matter what the circumstances. I didn’t do that to my ex and he cheated on Me. In fact I even helped him after I left to the tune of 7k I’ll never get back. I had my lawyer ask for the minimum in cs. Even when he was making 1600 a week he was only asked to pay 377 a MO in child support and he’s 30k behind after 7 yrs. So some of us the extremes we go to not to be abandoned hurt us more than anyone.
We aren’t all the same. Just like no diabetic has the same reactions or no heart patient has the same issues as the next. It’s an illness. They vary on severity and symptoms with each person depending on the environmental factors including but certainly not limited to past issues, health, support system, acknowledgment and how much they work on themselves or pay attention. Everyone is different. I’m sorry you had such a horrid experience though!
Some are. Watch a few “Deadly Women” I couldn’t believe how many of those crazies were diagnosed (amongst other things) with BPD
I’m just curious what is your DX’s?
Question ? If the person didn’t get diagnosed til their 30’s but had sought help before that how can t he y be at fault for that. Of course giving they already had been working on issues but still weren’t sure what was wrong and while on the outside made others believe they were OK but on the inside were scared because nothing worked and nothing seemed to fit then can we blame the patient? And no one is claiming victim in this scenario. Just hard to same blame the patient when the patient doesn’t even know what is going on.
I would encourage them to read about the illness and make sure it is something they could handle.
Exactly Mrs. Cotton.
It’s like ppl that are BPD are put in this huge group and made out to be just like the worst of the worst lol. When it was explained to me and when I read up on it it never said manipulative emotional vampires. And BPD ppl feel more than most. On top of that it said something on here about being empathetic suggesting that maybe BPD aren’t ? Same doctor said one of my main issues is my empathy for others and that it can make me open to deeper depression.
Thank you Beth Ann I was beginning to wonder if maybe I was wrong about thinking I was BPD. I have never been that extreme !
BPD is borderline personality disorder correct? So does that mean bi polar disorder = not sick? Or anxiety disorders? It is considered a disorder because it is an illness.
<3
If it wasn’t a mental illness it wouldn’t be a diagnosis
Or look down on ourselves …also how can we not feel if it clearly states in the definition we feel too much
This is exactly what I went through
Im sorry to say but Object is 100% right about a bps . When all is good they strike, and they know exactly what there doing to us. They stand back and enjoy the pain they put us through.
There is a specialized treatment program designed for borderline called DBT or Dialectic Behavior Therapy. I’ve been in treatment programs twice now. Mindfulness is really important
Omg you are a pathetic woman. Seriously you need to grow up.
Well did you inflict pain on others? This is a question I encourage you to really think about and be honest with yourself. If you did, you’re still accountable. Having the official diagnosis of any disease does not give you the right to abuse others. If you hurt someone you should sincerely apologize and most importantly, stop the abuse.
And they don’t just attack men but other women. My ex sister-in-law is a BPD and the stuff she pulled on me and my parents was disgusting. If any of you ladies on this site defending BPD pull this abusive shit you can seriously fuck off. Go be a horrible black hole unto yourselves and leave others alone. You deserve to rot in the misery you created for yourselves and for all the innocent victims of your bullshit.
Yeah that’s bullshit
You are a gross toxic person. Quit spreading your hate around
Yeah you don’t have emotional problems…eyeroll
Exactly…talk about adding insult to injury….borderlines are sadistic creatures that get off on inflicting pain. Describes my wife to a “T”…
Run…..
No, she will not. I was just dumped by a girl with BPD. She was 24, and I’m 30. I was at her family house at Christmas, then we went to a New Years Eve Party, then we went skiing. And after that, alfter 2 years, she just dumped me, getting all angry about things like “I don feel happy”, “You do not care about me enough”. Must I add, that 2 days prior the breakup she was saying that she loved me so much? She was in constant war with everyone, she “hated” all of her ex-boyfriends. Watch out for this, as you speak with a girl for the first time. Try to find out how she feels albout her former partners. If each one of them is an evil creep, and she was the victim, just ruuuuuun the fuck away!!!
Of course, there was another guy in line.
Right now, I’m a total mess…
Alison, you’re saying that SHE was staying in a destructive place?
(This is a novel I know) You just described my mother in law perfectly. My Nmom threw me out because while fixing my brother’s car seat I asked which way she wanted the straps to go. Yeah, real crazy but m.i.l isn’t much better. Anyways, desperate and scared I asked her son if he could help me (we met by a literal miracle online and had known each other for barely a week prior to him helping me). Didn’t have to let me crash at his house or anything just if there was any way I could get a ride to a shelter when he got off of work. It was about 9 pm mind you. He replied that he’s leaving work right now to pick me up (though his shift ended at 12 am) and I begged him to just finish work and not risk his job and that I’d wait by the bus stop but he insisted. He was about 40 min. away but made it in 20. Takes me to his work, I sit in the break room till 12 and he tells me his mom said I could crash at their house. I ask repeatedly if this is ok he assures me it’s fine and I’m terrified because, fuck, what if these people are murder rapists? Long story short I end up living there for a while and it was… Jesus Christ.
(This is a novel I know) You just described my mother in law perfectly. My Nmom threw me out because while fixing my brother’s car seat I asked which way she wanted the straps to go. Yeah, real crazy but m.i.l isn’t much better. Anyways, desperate and scared I asked her son if he could help me (we met by a literal miracle online and had known each other for barely a week prior to him helping me). Didn’t have to let me crash at his house or anything just if there was any way I could get a ride to a shelter when he got off of work. It was about 9 pm mind you. He replied that he’s leaving work right now to pick me up (though his shift ended at 12 am) and I begged him to just finish work and not risk his job and that I’d wait by the bus stop but he insisted. He was about 40 min. away but made it in 20. Takes me to his work, I sit in the break room till 12 and he tells me his mom said I could crash at their house. I ask repeatedly if this is ok he assures me it’s fine and I’m terrified because, fuck, what if these people are murder rapists? Long story short I end up living there for a while and it was… Jesus Christ. My first days there she cussed out my boyfriend because “I wasn’t talking to her enough”. Ok so why did you not come to me like an adult? Why are you so scared of me you have to send cryptic angry messages through your poor son? Barring the fact that I just went through a traumatic life event I am a very reserved person. I do not talk, especially to strangers I just met, even under the best of circumstances. I am rightfully terrified and especially closed off during this time. Yet demanding my approval (why does a 45< year old grown ass “woman” need my approval?) and utmost admiration like a needy toddler was more important to her than giving me my very needed and deserved space. Can we say a complete lack of common sense or empathy?
Another time I was in the shower when she came home from work and I just started hearing this shrieking. Thought I was just hearing things but then I heard banging and a huge commotion, like someone was bulldozing the house. I got out, think I heard her shouting something along the lines of “Think you can come into my house” which, no I don’t. You kind of let me in. Heard some banging then it stopped. Terrified and confused I run down the hall to bf’s room. After a few moments I hear her coo at me from the living room to come here. Hesitantly I open the door and walk out to find her hunched over on the couch looking like she had just been in a tornado: Hair was wild about her head like she had been ripping it out, costume jewelry necklace was sideways, tear streaked eye shadow and mascara running down her face. I just watched her warily and she looked up at me with this deranged smile and reminded me to feed her cats for her while she’s at work. What. The. FUCK.
Later on that night I learned through my boyfriend getting cussed out that she threw a tantrum because she didn’t want me showering before she gets home because it “uses up the hot water”. Which it didn’t because bf and I would take showers back to back all the time. She bragged to me about how people can’t tell what ethnicity she is because of her eyes and nose because she’s mixed and I come to find out the real reason she looks like that is ’cause her parents paid for her to get all this plastic surgery. Told me “I would never steal from my son’s bank account” but stole his students loans. “You don’t ever have to worry about money in this house, we’ll take care of you”. Not even a week later she’s guilt tripping me saying my living there for 1 week is why she can’t afford vet bills for her cat that’s been sick for months because she won’t change its litter. Later on she kicked us out because we wouldn’t let her allow her dogs to maul our cat to death. She’d tell him “I just don’t think you can take care of her. So I’ll take her with me when I move in with my fiance but I won’t keep her and the dogs separate. I’ll keep my cat safe of course but not yours. But, I’ll buy you a new one”. If you’re taking the cat because “he can’t take care of it” then why buy him a new one when you’re done killing the one he is already attached to? She wanted to make sure she killed something he loved and cared about. After it was all said and done she had the gall to send us Facebook requests. Then asked her son over the phone “Have I always been horrible?” He said “Not always” but he’s said over these past two years really analyzing his childhood she had always been a horrible human being and by extension a horrible mother.
It got to the point that we had to buy our own mini fridge and hide it in our closet because she kept eating our food. She even went and told her parents that we didn’t share our lasagna with her. The lasagna that WE BOUGHT AND MADE FOR OURSELVES ONLY. She tried to ship me back to my mom after she was done feeling like a hero and a martyr for helping me then when I told her to just drop me off at a shelter instead she started screeching at me and told me I was going to get raped. She had the nerve to ask if I had ever been raped, which I have. Then when I defiantly stayed silent she tried to compete with me about whose rape was worse. “HAVE YOU EVER BEEN RAPED. ACTUALLY, BRUTALLY RAPED??? 12 HOURS STRAIGHT BRUTALLY RAPED???” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. What in the FUCK exactly defines an “actual, brutal” rape? What in the fuck there’s no such thing as being “a little raped”. Who asks something like that? That’s when I knew she was a demented monster. That and when she made fun of and talked shit about her son to me in private then expected me to laugh. Telling me “men are stupid and need to be controlled”. She didn’t care about me or her son at all. All she wants is to fill the empty pit where her soul and heart (maybe) used to be. And she does that by drinking, screaming, raging, partying, begging for attention, and gold digging. No one but our close friends believes us yet everyone believes her when she goes around saying her parents, her sister, her husband, and my boyfriend and I abuse her. Well if we’re all so abusive then get the hell away from us. Quit begging us for money and food.
She pretends like she’s this big independent woman but she lived with her parents ’til she was 40 (save like 8 or 9 years when they kicked her out for a while), sponged off of them ’til her son was old enough to get a job and be sponged off of. Then only with her parents help moved into a house and nearly made her son kill himself. She sponged off of both of us and his dad for a while, then found some poor sucker to pay for her every hedonistic wish or desire when her son and I left. She still probably bitches that she has no money anyway. She hasn’t done a single thing on her own her entire life. She’ll be on her death bed and all she’ll have to show for her entire existence was she was a dime a dozen, prosaic crazy bitch that did nothing but make people miserable. She acts like being called a bitch is a good thing because everyone calls her that so much she doesn’t have any other choice. Part of us (bf and I) does feel sorry for her. We feel sorry for the sweet little girl her parents and she beat and abused to death. Now all that’s left is this unrecognizable, gnarled mess; a caricature of a woman. I don’t wanna speak for my boyfriend on this but I will say we’ve both shed so many tears for the amazing woman she could’ve been. He’s grieved the loss of a mother and I’ve grieved the loss of a potential mother figure. I think we would’ve gotten along fabulously which saddens me. It’s pitiful but this is the life she chose and there’s nothing we can do.
Her husband tries to give her the world and she’s so ungrateful. Because, no matter what he or anyone does for her she’s still that fucked up, angry, self hating, bitter, sad little woman that has to have the TV constantly blaring because she can’t stand to be alone with herself for even a second. It’s sad and part of me will feel terrible for her once she’s gone. I can’t imagine that being my legacy… I feel bad but she does it to herself and by extension others. I wish I could fix her life. Sign her up for some DBT, get her back on medication, throw out all the alcohol, get her a gym membership etc. Bf said she’d just give up like she does on everything. He hates her but personally I feel a little sorry for the person she is now. I’m not sure if he feels sorry for the person she is now but I know he feels sorry for the person she was before she became this (don’t tell him I said that). He gets very exasperated when I even talk about her or his grandparents. I will never respect her parents for being such a big part of the reason that she turned out this way. Of course it’s still ultimately her fault but the grandparents don’t get off scot-free either just because they’re old and helped us. It’s irritating because she wants to be the hero and the victim. She even projected it onto me saying I have the mindset of a victim because I’m quiet and have bad posture. I don’t have bad posture because I have low self esteem I have bad posture because I have scoliosis you idiot. Of course I slouch my spine looks like an opened paper clip. I need a back brace not you projecting your insecurities onto me. I’m quiet and reserved because I’m confident in my sense of self and don’t need other people to validate my existence. That’s why I was able to sit in my bf’s room for hours by myself without needing Fox News screaming in my ear every second. That’s why I don’t throw a bitch fit and emotionally blackmail my boyfriend if he doesn’t text me back for a couple of hours. That’s why I don’t need 400 friends on Facebook. I feel bad for the woman but the only person that can piss me off faster than her is my mother and Lena Dun-ate-a-whole-ham. *irritated sigh* I know that was a lot but that’s been nearly 3 years in the making and if you made it through this whole thing I commend you ’cause I definitely wouldn’t read all this shit. Thank you for listening.
Because girls with BPD love deeper , feel deeper , give themselves completely , they are unpredictable and exciting , fun , and brutally honest, You cant get over her because it felt good and another relationship cant compare.
and some of us are open books who just want to love and be loved and dont have a lying bad bone in our bodies , and literally wouldnt hurt a fly!
i have BPD and its sad that we are being demonised , it,s a spectrum and not all are as this article states. I dont date anymore , i purposely avoid it because it,s not fair on a guy and its not fair on myself , ive learned to deal with all my negatives for everyone around me for them to have a better life , i am at the bottom of the pile and deny myself anything , to bring up my children.
Yeah this is old but you’re not the minority ok those people are probably just shitty people in genera with or without a so called mental disorder. People just pin point it and use it as a weapon because they got fucked over and that just happens there are shitty people everywhere.
I feel bad for your sister that you would say such awful things on here like that instead of being honest and try and fix it. You make her sound like such a burden which is why she probably really dislikes you. (:
I’m trolling and I decided like y’all diagnosed us and lumped us in together Like however you saw fit right? So I decided I’d do it too and I diagnose you with a slight case of ratardation. But to be completely sure… did you feel good saying that? Do you think it made a difference really? That it got you all to band together and agree on that did it make you feel good inside? Yeah well that feeling was retarded in my pov and these are my rules so there you go
Actually it’s y’all who claim to be the victim and never shut up. Honestly
I have a diagnoses for you too. You think you know everything and it’s given you a bad case of your you like the sound of your voice but you sound super dumb.
I’m reacting to all you attacking people I don’t care about your sob stories bitch I got molested by an older girl when I was 5 but I’m not making it my life purpose to burn people at the stake who have the same hair color.
Which is what your doing.
Get over yourselves your skewed black and white point of view silences the actual way people with bpd are.
Not like I’m explaining myself you sound like a self entitled loser and you literally trying to put down a group of individuals just puts you down in my life. Like low. Enjoy it McKay
Congrats you’re so special for putting yourself down for these people so now no one will be mean to you
I think it’s probably cause she isn’t a very good person. Or you were just extra dramatic I mean you sniffed this conversation out to try and get reassurance right. Guess what it’s not exactly bpd. She’s just an asshole.
Pfft please or that baby gives them finger and lets them live on there stupid evil lives. And hoes on to make a move life for herself away from a truly dramatic woman grandma (I think) but you know I don’t see a lot of people bagging on bpd for drama and what sounds like made up billshit. Nope she’s a good apple I guess
I had this whole speal for y’all but then decided no. It’s wasted on your ears… or eyes.
We didn’t crap on your life your shitty husband did or son or daughter did. But I can if you want if you need to know the difference like damn botch are all you stupid or what
They don’t know a lot about it because of the shitty stigma I’ve had therapist tell me multiple shit made me this way. which I’m really starting to see as winning in life because of this thread. But this attitude is still keeping people from getting help that’s what is really aggravating me and making me troll like a lunatic all up and down this page.. ugh
We aren’t sick. There’s nothing wrong with us. The only thing that’s wrong is that people have said it’s so and so we grow up internalizing it.
Do you know her are you good friends did she steal the last slice of cake? How the hell do you know she’s selfish. We aren’t victims we know it honestly would some normal ass people who aren’t involved in the “illness” at all just like referee every once in awhile. Man. I guess If a black person saud lewd comments to you they all gonna say it now? Pur brains are different. I’m glad then yours because you are a hateful person for real idk lady you probably done gone deleted this app or whatever moved on (or your a dide idk you sound like a stuck up b- but that’s me being an asshole. But damn back the fuck up off these people they are not like you they don’t beec yo desk with your awful extra negative attitude
Wow I never ever thought people could get ptsd from us but you know I went through my phases. That really got me thinking
I literally getting so aggravated by posts from 2 years ago. Like shit do my family see me like this? Does my husband? Ugh whatever
well that sounds like you’re on a down swing when you said that wouldn’t hate to hear what you thought if you were actually interested. I do wish I could sedate myself like bp just so I can tune out this shit.
Don’t fucking compare us. We aren’t something to be compared dude we are people we all do shit we don’t have to own up but we do or don’t just as much as everybody else does.
Shut up everybody is selfish you talking like yoh know something so profoundly it’s the word of god when you don’t even have it is a tad selfish I think. Among other things
I feel pity for you actually. I’ve decided I like this thread because you actually make me feel like a better person and that is a feat. Thank you
That’s super false actually.
Him ask her like you would if you thought someone else could? Say hey don’t get upset I don’t want to get hurt and cheating scares me. Not cause your bpd and so therefore you are evil and a whore and you have to eat men left and right. Cause if that’s the case god hope you didn’t bother
Based on what exactly?
No she sounds like a person doing the right thing. She sounds strong. God stronger than you.
And where is your degree and works sited and any info to back that statement lol.
Ugh dude you have issues
Some should expose you lady. I bet you have done some fucked up shit in your life but from my point of view one of the biggest is he you putting your ass so high up on the pedostal. We don’t have a pedostal. We can’t even expose ourselves because a lot of people have set ideas already on what we will do and because of people like you. So thanks I guess I can be the demon down here that keeps you high and prissy up there as long as that’s where you stay Jesus
Uhh yeah cause she is a different person came from a different back ground. I mean you just said emotional masturvation and that just sounded gross. Just please like don’t say that again. That’s disturbing lol
I am my own expert. Judge me go on ahead but no you do not feel me you are not me you only know you. I’m my expert I feel what I feel it’s 100 real and I have find to years of therapy to understand myself in “normal” people terms so I do know more than you you don’t know anything from typing it into a google.
No one is denying anything it sucks that anything happened to anything. But there are some people in here deny us as anything rose but monsters and it pisses me off at least idk about anyone else but yeah. Now I don’t care what happened to some of you wondering if you deserved if
holy shit you are so pathetic. Holy shit. Haha oh my god . Fuck you lady she didn’t do anything to you.
WE ARENT SICK WE ARE DIFFERENT. Anyway well said chap. I don’t want to be not different anymore abywats after scrolling through these mean people damn
Oh please just because you can hide behind your keyboard doesn’t give you any right. But I see you still take advantage of the fact yo try and verbally abuse people. If you’d said it to my face I would have extra probably put hands on you. Yeah. Rage. In my head I just think you need to shut up. You’re not going to tell me I’m a shitty person. You are shitty seriously not maybe always but look at yourself and the way you are acting. Wtf do you talk to anyone else like this seriously
I understand this so bad. It sucks.
I don’t like you lady but I do agree with this.
You spund like you did it. 6 years of behavioral therapy yeah? If not you could probably benefit from it you’ll stop feeling so angry inside and stop blaming other people for your problems.
That’s rude
What you just said is the inner anxiety I listen to most of the day afraid that’s how my husband really feels about me. It would suck but I wouldn’t know what to do
This is true but it made me bitter and lashed out a lot I never devalued anyone I just thought they really wanted to get out and away but were afriad of me losing it and falling apart.
Either you are ignorant of BPD or you are one. BPD is unfixable. It can at best be managed to differing degrees with more failure than success. Your “feeling bad” is misplaced. Which one may deduce you to be a BP. I will refrain from making such deduction. I never said she was a burden maybe I should look at what I wrote and come to the same conclusion as you did. Maybe she is a burden. You seem to think so. Finally, my life experiences are mine and I don’t have to defend them to anyone or make excuses for anyone’s bad behavior. You need a new crystal ball my sister does not dislike me. In her own way she loves me. It is sadly in her border line way. The way of not really feeling true emotional agape love but with unemotional words only. I except it for what it is a live my life now with very little drama. Have a good day 🙂
unconditional love is a pile of shit, probably invented by BPD women.
theres no helping those crazy bitches, they’re never accountable or sorry for their actions. its all your fault! you made her cheat on you, you made her drink heavily, if you didnt do XYZ she wouldnt have had to do ABC.. its all excuses and ‘poor me’ victimhood.
theres no such thing as unconditional love. thats a womans dream world.
would you still love a gal if she killed your dog? hit your kid? turned out to be a murderer or a whore?
of course theres conditions on love. to say otherwise is only to delude yourself.
BPD women are perfect examples of toxic femininity.
thats how they roll.
they cause drama, then come in acting crazy because hurt feelz, and need to shame and blame others into falling back in line.
you’re the bad guy because you didnt coddle them enough. so you deserved their rage.
just look at the ones here who claim to be BPD “but im not like that ! ” – thats what they all say, they live in denial and never take responsibility for their shitty behaviour. they’ll always blame others for not understanding enough.
how dare you set firm boundaries when its all about them ! even the BPD’s in this thread are trying to make it about them.
they should be shamed for their toxic femininity ! 😀
bpd’s dont feel anything but a pitch black vacuum where their soul should be
what a load of horse shit, spread by another BPD female in defence of BPD females.
they ARE the bullies. they even verbally abuse their children. thats partly how BPD’s are created.
apples dont fall far from tree’s.
how can you tell a BPD female is lying? her lips are moving (or in your case, fingers are raging on a keyboard)
i bet you typed that in about 30 seconds with all that built up bpd fury
thats the projection right there.
they act crazy as fuq, then when told they need help they’ll spin it all and blame you for being crazy.
no accountability, no remorse, no apology. no fucks given. just another BPD female.
swipe left…. next !
You sick fuck!!!! Bpd isn’t a life long disorder and if you actually gave a fuck about the women you date you would help her instead of talking like a judgmental asshole. Bpd’s have good and bad qualities like everyone else and your generalization about this mental illness is disgusting. One girl does not a diagnosis make.
THANK YOU
Actually, that’s the “Helpless Damsel in Distress” presentation a BPD will frequently present to lure you in to her “Parlor of Horror” BPD’s count on your sense of empathy to make you feel sorry for them like they are some wounded kitten and then they turn around and initiate their particular brand of psychological warfare against you.
What you REALLY mean when you say “Help Her” is to accept ALL the responsibility for their crazy behavior and actions and thus the consequences of said crazy behavior. This in turn leads to MORE crazy behavior from them and MORE consequences for you!
Good Qualities? SEX!!! The Borderline is an OUTRAGEOUS sexual life-form! They are absolutely rapturous in bed! BPD’s will give you nights of such memorable sex that your dreams will be set on fire for the rest of your life!
But that’s the problem with them…that’s all you’re going to get! It is well known, the best sex you will ever have is with a crazy person!
It’s how BPD’s attract people. They know how to get those chemical peptides in your body pumping and that is how they bind you to them. They are like the Sirens in Greek Mythology. And later on, they are like Medea or Medusa.
You come to realise her head is full of venomous snakes and she is capable of such evil actions like killing your own children to get back at you.
One Girl Does NOt a Diagnosis Make?
Accredited statistics state 70% -75% of Borderlines are female. That’s not one diagnosis…that’s most of the diagnoses.
No, all BPD girls are alike. He’s right
Actually, recent study proves exactly that: BPDs are too stubborn and set in their own ways, to truly grow out of their infantile rage and self-centeredness, EVER.
Whatever therapy achieves, is always short-term – a few years at best. And over time, they slowly regress into their old patterns.
But, I do hope that at least some of them grow out of it. (Not that I have seen one though).
What are your sources for the “claims”?
You seem to be suffering from Small-minded imbecile disorder. I pity you.
What recent study? From what crevice of your ass are you pulling this out of?
🙁 are you saying that I’ll always be this way?? That is discouraging. There has to be a way to fix this.
It’s EXTREMELY RARE to overcome BPD. Most clinicians will tell you it takes almost superhuman commitment to treatment and self-awareness. But since most BPD’s REALLY don’t believe there’s anything wrong with them, they never seek nor continue in treatment. Most clinicians question BPD partners whether or not they are really committed to stay with a BPD (Depending on the severity of the disorder) through “Hell and Highwater” or whether is just better to detach from the BPD and move on. That being said; the REAL QUESTION IS…*DO YOU WANT TO STAY THAT WAY FOREVER?”
Of course not. It’s so very difficult and I don’t know it’s like I have this invisible barrier to progress that isn’t real, but physically and mentally it’s programmed into me. Very frustrating. Superhuman strength. I’ve started seeing a specialist, she is highly qualified hoping we can at least work on being functional.
As for partners, my bf is the one that connected me to to her. Not sure if he will stick it out with me and that’s okay. I have moments of extreme logic, and then there have been times where I was the absolute worst really crazy. I’m kind of focused on getting better. She feels that there is concurring NPD. Lucky me LOL.
So no I don’t want to be this way forever. Wasted enough time. Thanks for your response.
Mez, actually BPD is a life long disorder since there is NO cure. But you can go into recovery, the same as alcoholism has no cure but the person can go into recovery.
jomomma, all BPD girl’s are NOT alike. I’m 47 and have had it for 30 years. I’m in my 3rd and longest recovery and still going strong. I’ve never felt better. I am a very young 47 year old but that has nothing to do with my BPD it’s just me (I’m also an Aries,youngest sign on the zodiac). Right now I’m alone at my mom’s with 4 dogs. She asked me to watch her two dogs while she goes to my sisters to be with her while her partner dies, and I have my two dogs as well. Could all BPD girl’s spend two weeks alone taking care of someones two dogs along with their own two dogs and still feel great and also water outdoor plants every day?
Why do you say, most BPD’s? Anyone I know with BPD know something is wrong with them and have gone to their doctors for help. I run a group on facebook for women with BPD and all of them know something is wrong with them and they are in treatment, some just starting and some for over a year. I don’t know anyone with BPD that wants to have the disorder. People that don’t have the disorder really don’t understand what it’s like in the head of someone suffering with BPD day to day. I’ve been in recovery this time for over 3 years now and I’m even now weaning of meds and this time having no problem doing so. Last time I tried weaning off I started having problems way before the point I’m at now.
Actually, I am repeating what my own professional counsel has stated and the literature I’ve steeped myself in and my own personal experience having known more than my share of BPD’s.
You and some of your acquaintances may be the exception; But the Personality Disordered (All the Disorders…) will rarely admit they have a problem. Those that do usually “Acknowledge there ‘MAY BE’ a problem…!” after repeated interpersonal relationship disturbances, alienation of friends, family, episodes with Law Enforcement, in-patient Drug ReHab evaluation, repeated accusations from others stating “You’re Crazy…!”
Also, I don’t have to “Be in your head …” to understand BPD. I’ve lived around it most of my life to know what it is. I’ve experienced the craziness of BPD from many people I’ve been associated with.
Also, BPD is a NARCISSISTIC Personality Disorder. Usually, when BPD’s feel stressed or triggered, they begin to get VERRRRRRY Defensive. In this posting. (Not an Accusation… just an observation, I noticed several “I… ” statements.
“Anyone I know…”
“I run a …”
“I don’t know anyone…”
“I’ve been in …”
“I’m even now …”
“… the point I’m at now.”
What I’m pointing out is NC’s tend to be more egocentric than most people. They are the “Center of their Universe.”
When Something/Someone begins to get close to them; BPD’s tend to Deny, Defend Against, Run From or Avoid. This prevents personal intimacy. Personal Intimacy/Closeness is threatening to BPD’s because they are fearful the other person would see them as the loathsome/disgusting creature they perceive themselves to be and reject them.
So BPD’s often engage in “Distancing” behaviors to sort of “Fight Off” the other individual from getting too close to them so they feel better; Not being ‘Found-Out” for what they believe they truly are and then being rejected.
When that other person begins to actually become distant or begins to distance themselves; the BPD then usually engages in “Re-Acquisition” behaviors to keep that person from abandoning the relationship. BPD’s are VERY SHAME SENSITIVE! Like everyone else, BPD’s want the love and closeness everyone wants and needs. The problem is the BPD disorder makes that virtually impossible.
Very Often this Re-Acquisition behavior takes many forms and is often very coercive. It can range from extreme threats of/or actual violence, or escalated sexual interaction and even using the conception of children as a means to solidify a connection with the individual who is distancing.
(“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself!”, “I’ll do anything you want, just don’t leave me!”,
“If you leave me, I’ll kill the kids, I’ll kill myself and then burn the house down and it will be your fault!” ,
“I fucking hate you, you chickenshit faggot! I wish you were dying from cancer!…Please don’t go! I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it! It’s just that you make me so mad sometimes I want to rip your fucking guts out…but you know I love you…right?”
“I’ll be your very own personal porn star! I’ll wear the high heels and the naughty Catholic schoolgirl outfit with my hair in pigtails…! I’ll suck your dick… I’ll swallow your cum…! I’ll let you fuck me in the ass! I’ll do anything you want, I promise! … Just say you won’t leave me and only love me! … You know I can’t live without you!”
“I’m pregnant again. You can’t leave me while I’m having your baby…!”)
It’s these “Push You Away- Pull You Back in” dynamics that wear a person down. And when the partner returns, things are fine for a couple of weeks (Usually no more than 2) or several days … then the cycle starts up all over again.
Jodi Arias literally climbed into Travis’ house on several occasions through his windows, through a Doggy-Door; hiding in his closet, under his bed, behind his Christmas Tree, … all trying to keep him from leaving him. She relocated to his hometown to be closer to him, and she used copious amounts of sex to weaken his resistance to her.
Sex was the only contribution Jodi could bring to any or her relationships. If her boyfriend seemed to want to break-up or become more distant … Jodi would just give him more sex. But when that didn’t work anymore, Jodi would usually begin searching for another relationship.
Female Borderlines frequently behave this way. It’s no coincidence very beautiful women frequently present with BPD. (Angelina Jolie, Naomi Campbell, Lindsay Lohan, Marilyn Monroe, Princess Diana… )
That being said, the main thing with BPD treatment is is like that of the addict… you are never cured; you are perpetually “in recovery”. The treatment is focused on Managing the BPD since there is no known cure for the disorder.
With that, I will close by saying you are a courageous and wonderful human being who has accepted herself and continues to live truthfully to being a good person and human being. We all are flawed in one way or another. There is NO Shame in having a personality disorder; there is in doing nothing about it! Be Well.
Wow you can look after dogs! And water plants!
I think everyone can grow up. Those with BPD simply haven’t and are entirely toxic to those in lives until they do. Of course growing up is then coming to terms and making up for this fact.
Something that all the women posting here don’t seem like they are even trying to do.
Luck me is not what you should be saying with self pity. BPD describes your behaviour. Stop being a bitch and genuinely apologise to those whom you have hurt and quit the uber BPD I am a victim of a mental disease nonsense.
Every little girl has BPD. Some grow up. Some choose to remain in self indulgent emotionalism to the utter detriment if those around them.
It actually comes from medical journals. You can find it yourself. But that would require some soul searching and honesty, which BPDs are not really known for…
No, just that it is not easy to get out of it! But it is possible, even if results are not encouraging. I would say that therapy and approach of the BPD individual is wrong. BPD needs to go through a serious ego-crushing experience to realize that they were on a wrong path in life. Such is unlikely for as long as A BPD has someone who helping them. But I know of at least one person who had a serious life-threatening situation and who came out on the other side a new man. I would not suggest that you do it by harming yourself; it came to him due to his selfishness and arrogance – unplanned and it was a blessing in disguise. BPDs should be left well alone; that way they have to become responsible. And then, they will have moments of doubt which may (or may not) lead to some honesty about themselves. No guarantees there though, as ultimately, this is a world of free will. Everyone can choose to behave any way they want. Life on this planet is a test – we all get to show what we are made of.
Actually, correction: I HAVE seen one. Exactly one. He did not change due to therapy, but some other influence – a near-death experience.
You hit the nail on the head brother. Could not have said it any better . I have seen the text heard the phone calls to her disciples . Lucky when she called the cops on some total bullshit the cop seen right through her crap and called me and said mike be smart run away she will try and destroy you And I said to myself self wake the f%#^ up she is a nightmare so i ran and have been harassed , vandalized , stalked , smear campaign s , to all my friends family members And they all said mike wtf were you doing with here she is a sociopathic dangerous nut thank god you woke up before she killed you ( which she tried to do to the father of her son ) found out later she married a guy for the sole purpose to take out the father , she brain washed him believing the father was molesting the boy ( total BS ) so poor husband ends up in jail she dumps him and tells police I told him not to do it !!!! Bpd , sociopaths / psychopaths , should all be euthanized They are evil period .. And the dude that thinks he tamed his. You are a fool you are the one that is tamed and I promise you down the road you will be on here seeking support. And you can take that to the bank !!!
you poor misguided & misinformed guy. I think you are the one that needs to be euthanized for your utter disrespectfulness period.
A bit of a leap there Mike; pretty sure that BPD, sociopaths and psychopaths are not the same thing. So you had a bad experience with a girl. You sound a bit overly paranoid yourself, and you obviously think at extremes, very black and white, no shades of grey. Very outspoken too, and very open about the abuse that you suffered at the hands of your ex.
Do you think that maybe you may have BPD?
You seem to have displayed all the traits that you attribute to the disorder: Paranoia, black and white thinking, seeing people as objects (“he thinks he tamed his”), and horrific stories of how you suffered, and still suffer, from an abusive ex.
Its not just women that have BPD. Maybe you should take a look at yourself before passing criticism. Or see a shrink.
Actually Allison, Mike is spot on. Borderlines, Sociopaths, Histrionics are all malignant narcissists. They frequently bleed into each other with the same comorbidities.
Borderlines can be extremely cunning and vicious. They are filled with rage because they have not developed the pantheon of higher emotional variances normal emotive humans have and display. They are devoid of empathy and averse to true intimacy.
The Borderline is extremely shame sensitive and doesn’t want to be seen for what she truly is (I use “she” because most Borderlines are female. Why is this?), a conniving, sneaky, diabolical female devoid of any true human affect.
Take Jodi Arias for example. CLASSIC BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER BEHAVIOR! Jodi lied her entire way into Travis Alexander’s life until she in fact, ended it.
She relied on her sexuality, good looks, playacting and manipulation into controlling Travis to fulfill her desires. She has a very troubled past with promiscuity, lying, manipulation, scheming, controlling behaviors that are terribly threatening to the minds of other normal people.
She was literally screaming “I Love You! I Love You!” as she was stabbing Travis to death.
Her father said to police, “We’re talking about someone who hasn’t been honest since she was 14 years old!” She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder at 14 years old.
We saw how Jodi schemed to kill Travis and cover it up by bringing fuel cans with her so she could avoid gas station cameras, Sending text messages to Travis’ cellphone when she knew he was dead, going to meet another man after she’d just fucked and killed Travis to establish an alibi, telling the other man she had feelings for him and made out with him (while Travis’ sperm was seeping out of her and running down her legs),
Then appeared at Travis’ church for his funeral with his family and friends present, play-acting as the mourning girlfriend before everybody and sending flowers while Travis’ murderer is literally sitting in their midst. We saw the emotional disconnect asking for make-up to do her mugshot and smiling at the camera. We saw her interviews saying “No jury will convict me and you can mark my words on that…”
And then there’s the fantastical lies as Jodi recounted “the three ninjas” who burst into Travis’ house and killed him and then argued with each other about what they should do with her and how she ran out the room, into the closet to get Travis’ gun and then ran and grabbed her purse and ran out the house and never called police about it; then how Travis’ attacked her and she killed him in self defense but then “went into a fog and didn’t remember” because “her brain scrambles when people talk loudly to her…” All the while saying she’s the victim and what a beast Travis was (While she was climbing into his windows during the day and vacuuming his carpet, dropping by wearing role-playing gear for sex, and angry he was going on vacation but NOT with her…
You get the idea. This the psychotic mind of an individual with BPD. There’s no fixing them, no cure, no reasoning with them.
The only thing you can do is have them enter therapy (If the therapist will accept them as a patient. many therapists refuse to treat a Borderline because of the lies, grandiosity, attention-seeking, projection/transference and all around poor prognosis of productive treatment) and have them be made aware how their behavior affects other people (That is if they listen to it because they are so shame-sensitive to how others see them and try to present a “perfect persona” to the world.
So for a BPD to first admit they have a problem is next to impossible! But if you are lucky and they agree to go, therapy will ONLY work if they are TRULY COMMITTED to acknowledging their disorder and REALLY Sincerely committed to getting better. There is NO CURING BPD! Only a “Remission” of sorts. That is, the BPD are made to be self-aware of their disorder and how it affects other people. The general treatment is focused on “Managing” the disorder.
For those who were offended by my submissions, it was not meant to be hostile against you personally (But that’s what I mean by BPD’s being “Shame Sensitive”). BPD is a terrible thing to be stuck with. It isn’t fair and it really does destroy lives. BPD’s do tremendous harm to others.
BPD is a type of psychopathy that has various degrees of severity, but the harm they are capable of generating cannot be minimized because of the machinations of the disorder and how it makes the BPD perceive others and the world. It governs their response to those others and the world and one never knows what to expect because of the instability of the mentality of the BPD.
If you have BPD, then take a brave step and explore what it is and how you affect those closet to you and what you can do to improve your interactions with those who are significant in your life. You will be taking a brave and life-affirming step to a healthier more gratifying life.
Whew! That was a CLOSE one! Glad you made it out alive, Bro! It’s sad because these incidents really are dangerous and life-threatening at times.
Continue to read on them and learn how to protect yourself! Learn to look for the signs so you can see them coming and step off before they entrap you! Good Luck!
Actually, not all borderlines are narcissistic. Myself for example, I’m not narcissistic at all. In fact, I have incredibly low self esteem. I’d honestly say my husband is more narcissistic than I am, lol.
I also personally don’t think Jodi Arias is borderline, I think she’s a sociopath. She gets labelled with BPD because she’s female. Most borderlines are female, most sociopaths are male. Most, but not all. People with BPD generally aren’t violent towards others, they take it out on themselves through cutting, starving, etc.
Thats horrific. I get the very shame sensitive comment, I am currently in an intensive two year psychotherapy programme, and have seen a huge change in my life since it began, and I do accept that many people are not willing to take such a difficult step when they could carry on living a life that will be marred by BPD.
I do think it is important though not to lump all people with the same disorder together.
I spoke to my therapist, who has been on the programme for over 10 years, about the reason why they do not usually open it up to BPD suffers. He explained that BPD is a spectrum, and I accept that most of the publicity around BPD is negative, but I really want to emphasise the other end of the BPD spectrum.
At one end you do have people who are narcissistic and more than happy to use other people to act out their need for attention, but at the other end you have people who have very low self esteem and are extremely easy to manipulate due to their shame sensitive nature.
It is true, however, that only the latter will experience greater success after hard work in therapy, but it needs to be recognised that not all BPD suffers will happily destroy other people’s lives for their own pleasure, and not all BPD suffers will display sociopathic of narcissistic personality traits.
The reason Jodi Arias was diagnosed w/ BPD is because another signature facet of BPD is feeling extreme anxiety at the possibility of being left by a partner. When a partner wishes to withdraw from the relationship with the BPD sufferer (for whatever reasons), the Borderline will behave in a caustic, desperate way to prevent the withdrawal of the partner.
(“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself!”, “I’ll do anything you want, just don’t leave me!”,
“If you leave me, I’ll kill the kids, I’ll kill myself and then burn the house down and it will be your fault!” ,
“I fucking hate you, you chickenshit faggot! I wish you were dying from cancer!…Please don’t go! I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it! It’s just that you make me so mad sometimes I want to rip your fucking guts out…but you know I love you…right?”
“I’ll be your whore like you want! I’ll be your very own personal porn star! I’ll wear the high heels and the naughty Catholic schoolgirl outfit with my hair in pigtails! I’ll suck your dick! I’ll swallow your cum! I’ll let you fuck me in my ass! I’ll do anything you want…just say you won’t leave me and only love me! …You know I can’t live without you!”)
The death of Mary Richardson Kennedy is a very vivid example of these BPD dynamics. (See Article:
http://www.shrink4men.com/2012/06/11/the-new-face-of-borderline-personality-disorder-mary-richardson-kennedy-abused-her-husband-and-children-and-committed-suicide-as-a-final-act-of-revenge-for-perceived-abandonment/ )
Jodi Arias killed Travis Alexander because she couldn’t keep him from going on a vacation without her…to be with another woman he had invited.
Travis was detaching himself from Jodi and she was doing everything she could to prevent him from breaking up with her; such as dropping by his home unannounced for late-night sex sessions, sending hostile texts or emails to his friends from Travis’ cell phone when he wasn’t looking, trying to persuade him to take her along on his trip…
When Jodi realized Travis would not be dissuaded from his plans…she killed him! It was the only way she could think of to keep control of Travis and the relationship. By killing Travis, Jodi could “Prevent” him from rejecting or breaking-up with her.
To break-up with a BPD is to reject the BPD and so doing increases and confirms the self-loathing BPD’s inherently feel about themselves.
If anything, a BPD will attempt to discard a partner first before the partner breaks up with them…thereby keeping control of the relationship and surreptitiously preventing him from breaking-up with her! If she dumps him first, then he can’t reject her because she has rejected him!
You see the logic?
As for the differences in disorder dynamics; yes, there is a spectrum of severity. However, these “MIlder” BPD sufferers also engage in self-destructive behaviors such as passive-aggression, martyring provocative behaviors while absolving themselves of any responsibility. They will self-sabotage a relationship and bring great hurt and crises to close family members; especially children!
These “Quiet BPD’s” are very adept in provoking very difficult disquiet and emotional confusion in their immediate partners while gas-lighting them; keeping the relationship from becoming fulfilling and cohesive while escalating higher levels of stress and disturbance.
The dynamics of these relationships resemble that of “Binary Stars” where one star is bright and expresses light and energy, while the other is like a “Black Hole” and absorbs the energy from the brighter star.
This dynamic is often very damaging to the Non-BPD person because they experience a literal draining of their own life-energy potency to the BPD until they lose the capacity to extricate themselves from this toxic relationship.
These dynamics are insidious and incrementally subtle. They can take long periods of time as the “Quiet BPD” enmeshment subsumes the Non-Disordered partner until the partner is totally integrated into the Quite BPD social paradigm.
In these dynamics, often the Non-BPD surrenders to crippling “Capture” or desperate attempts to extricate themselves…even resorting to suicide.
So I ask you…what’s more dangerous on the BPD spectrum?
Unbelievable! You REALLY are a moron! Sociopaths, Psychopaths, Narcissists, and Anti-Socials are all DIFFERENT kinds of personality disorders. So are Schizophrenics, Passive-Aggressiveness, and Borderline Personality. They are NOT the same. And just for YOUR information, it’s completely in poor taste to refer to people as there diagnosis… like saying, women who are BPDs… not cool.
they might be different but most of you crazy broads have all the same stuff!
lol wow prime example of BPD craziness, advocating murder because you don’t agree with someone’s opinion. Way to score one for your team!
excuse me I wasn’t advocating it. I may have typed the word euthanized but I don’t actually believe in people actually carrying that out as it is not part of my faith. Besides which he said it first so go pick on him instead
just ignore it, it is drama. It is always someone elses fault… I was raised by one of them and have tried to befriend more than one of them. I have some that I still associate with but I am no longer in their “vortex”. I just say hi and bi and they really only keep me on facebook probably to make their friends list bloated more than reality to tell themselves they have “friends”.
Excuse me, but I’m a perfectly well functioning human being and telling someone that suffers a TREATABLE mental illness that they deserve euthanasia is one of the most horrible things I’ve heard someone say. We are NOT evil. Sounds to me like you dated someone that suffered a number of personality disorders. Many of us get help and many of us have amazing, supportive partners who know when to validate and when to walk away from a situation to let it cool down. You’re a very sad person…
I have more empathy then most people I know. Also, when my mother talks about me and my sisters I’m always described as the nice one.
The following is the 9 criteria for BPD, a person has to have at least 5 out of the 9 to be diagnosed with the disorder.
(1) frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
(2) a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
(3) identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self
(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).
(5) recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
(6) affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
(7) chronic feelings of emptiness
(8) inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
(9) transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
Jodi Arias was NOT diagnosed with BPD. She was diagnosed as: narcissistic, a pathological liar, bipolar and a sociopath. She is nothing like a typical person with BPD.
I watched the entire trial and remember this very clearly (Actually, I predicted it and lo and behold…)
Ok Paula, Firstly, your VERY OWN MOTHER is probably the last person on earth who could see you objectively … SHE’S YOUR MOM!
2nd, It is a well known consensus, BPD’s are usually raised by … BPD’s. Quite often, a female diagnosed with BPD has been raised by a mother who also has the traits of the BP disorder. The thing about BPD is, there are varying levels of toxicity which quite often go unnoticed or unaddressed. There are an INCALCULABLE NUMBER of people out there in the world with personality disorders who have NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED!
Many times the BP disorder is undiagnosed or the person is very low on the scale to be noticed. Usually, the Personality Disordered go unnoticed … until they do something which attracts the attention of Law Enforcement! (Writing Bad Checks, Suicidiality, Domestic Violence, Assaults, Attempted or Actual Murders, Filing False Charges, Excessive Prevarication and several of the facets you listed …) Then that person is often sent by the court to be evaluated by Mental Health experts.
In Jodi Arias’ case, she was diagnosed as BPD when she was 14 years old….which is often the age when the symptoms, behaviors and consequences of a Personality Disorder presents. As I mentioned; Jodi’s erratic behavior began to escalate until she eventually came to the attention of Law Enforcement who referred her to Mental Health evaluation and was thus diagnosed as BPD.
I’m just stating the facts as I know them. (Heard from Expert testimony, Family Interviews with Police [Father, Mother] and Medical/Psychological evidence submitted to the Public Record)
Do you know what is really bad taste? The type of behaviour which get you diagnosed with BPD.
No you’re obviously a perfect little victim…
Wrong you have more emotions than other people. You don’t feel other people’s emotions only toyr own.You might project your own onto then but you have as little idea of another’s emotions as a sociopath. How could you? You’re too busy riding your own.
BPDs are not evil. Just incredibly immature and selfish.
Hello, I’m his wife. I’m also asexual (no desire for sex at all — therefore, no affairs going on here, sex is gross imo) and have learned to not lie. I used to lie a lot in the beginning of the relationship, because I felt it was a protection, a way to survive, but my husband taught me that I was safe with him, I didn’t need to lie. Not all people with BPD are liars and cheaters.I do have my manipulative days, but when I realize I’m being manipulative, I can stop. And yes, I’m moody, but can you blame me? I’ve dealt with a life filled with trauma, neglect and abuse. I used to be a textbook case of BPD, but I’ve been able to help myself in the last year alone, by learning about myself, being mindful of myself. There’s no him “keeping me in check”, I do this all on my own thank you very much. No therapy, no meds. All willpower, a desire to be a better wife.
Ladies, if you come across this article, I know it’ll make you feel hopeless and also angry, but know that it is possible to get better. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication, but you CAN do it! Start meditating, learn about mindfulness. It also helps, since we are chameleons, to remove people from your life who are a bad influence.
Hello MarissaC, So you are Mike’s other half? It sounds to me you think you have your disorder “Under Control.” Hmmmm…
Okay, let’s begin. Firstly how do you know you are BPD’d? Have you been diagnosed by a Licensed Psychiatrist?
2nd, “Can I blame you?” This is NOT about blame and accusation. It’s about a very real and serious psycho-social emotional illness that has the capacity to do serious damage to people’s lives.
3rd. You are “Asexual”? You do not have sexual relations with your HUSBAND? What accommodation have the two of you reached to resolve that issue in your marriage? I find that to be a very interesting dynamic.
(Or have you cut off your husbands testicals and penis during one of your BPD rages in the past so he is incapable of having sex? Or is he or you presently incarcerated?
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/brazilian-doctor-busted-ordering-gang-chop-fiance-penis-article-1.1745461
I’m sorry, that was cruel of me to say. I apologize. I will not delete the missive because I wish to show I too am flawed and won’t sit on a throne of superiority and grind you down in judgement. It’s just that I cannot see how the two of you can have a healthy marital relationship if there is no sexual intimacy taking place. Marriage is a sexual relationship!
Or are you “Withholding” sex from him? This is a very known behavior with BPD’s who vie for superiority and control in a relationship. They will withhold sex as a means of heightening anxiety and distress in their partner.
4th. How old are you? If what you say is true about yourself and how “you’ve overcome your BPD disorder”, I would guess you are past 40 yrs old. It’s a known fact, the Personality Disordered begin to descend on the scale of toxicity and maladaption. They basically, “Age Out” and lose steam.
If this is true then it might afford you some actual perspective on how you relate to others. However, True Personality Disordered individuals have serious deficits in self-retrospection and perceptions how they interact with others. The disorder never totally disappears or disperses.
When you were in your former years before your newfound “Stability” did you know your present husband then? Has he been with you the entire time your “Classic Textbook” behavior presented? How long have the two of you been married? Does your husband have a psychiatric diagnosis?
Exactly how do you feel about your husband? Can you say you truly “LOVE” him or are you dependent upon him? I have these questions because it’s been my experience interacting with the disordered that they NEVER truly overcome their disorder without professional guidance and support.
How did you evaluate who was toxic in your social sphere of friends?
Also, your newfound stability is only a year old? Okay, congratulations to you. However, I must mention, you are in a very critical stage right now.
You are enjoying a “Pseudo-remission”. This is very much like that time when Alcoholics/addicts have reached a point in their sobriety where they feel stabilized and “cured” of their addiction, when actually; they are most vulnerable in this stage of recovery for relapse.
I urge you to seek psychiatric support for diagnosis, and guidance so you can further consolidate your recovery.
You are NOT CURED!
You are a “Work in Progress!”
Maintain your self-awareness and continue to apply yourself to your recovery. I applaud your commitment to health and recovery. But Please…have a professional to assist and guide you! There are things a professional can contribute which you may not know or understand. Good Luck to you both.
Jeez, lots of questions. I’ll try to answer them all.
1. Firstly how do you know you are BPD’d? Have you been diagnosed by a Licensed Psychiatrist? Yes, I was professionally diagnosed by a psychiatrist when I was 20, after feeling very suicidal and overwhelmed by my marriage, and ending up in the psych ward twice.
2. You do not have sexual relations with your HUSBAND? What accommodation have the two of you reached to resolve that issue in your marriage? We do have sex. At first, this was a huge issue in the marriage, but we came to a compromise. I love him, I want fulfill his needs. In turn, he fulfills mine. He doesn’t pressure me into it, and lets me have some control in this aspect. We have sex a couple times a week, but I usually initiate it. No, I haven’t cut his testicles and penis off. No, neither of us are incarcerated. There’s a possibility that the lack of desire for sex may stem from childhood sexual abuse, but I’m not sure yet. I just started seeing a social worker, and we’re working on figuring that out.
3. How old are you? I’m 23. Yes, I know that most personality disorders tend to lessen in severity around 40ish, but I’d say that’s if you’re lazy and don’t actually care enough to work hard to help yourself now. I’d honestly say most people with BPD really don’t care enough to change. I’ve felt that way before, but I got tired of it. Have I mentioned that I’m also autistic? I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome way before BPD. I have a specific interest in psychology, especially the mental illness aspect. I’m even taking it as far as going to school and getting a degree in Psychology becuase I want to learn how to help myself more, and also help others like myself. Haven’t started school yet, but planning on it in the next year or so. I’d ultimately like to become an art therapist.
4. When you were in your former years before your newfound “Stability” did you know your present husband then? My husband and I dated since I was almost 16. Right before I turned 17, is when the symptoms started to get bad. Actually, we broke up, and thats what kind of triggered it. I already had all the unlying stuff, but him breaking up with me is what ultimately set it off. We remained broken up for a few years, lost contact as he was in a different country, I went through a very self destructive phase in my life where I’d cover my pain with drugs and alcohol and sex, even though I never enjoyed sex at all, I seen it as a way to keep people from leaving me. I calmed down a bit when I was 19, and then we found each other again and married not long before I turned 20. At that point, I didn’t know what to label myself, but I knew something was wrong with me becuase of what happened in past relationships, and the only way I could tell him was by warning him before we got married that I’d probably end up making his life hell. He still married me anyway. In the first couple years of marriage, it was very tough. He seen the nasty side of me before I was diagnosed, when I was truly a textbook case. I had all of the main symptoms of BPD, and they were severe. At that point, I didn’t know what was wrong, so I couldn’t really help myself. My husband has been with me through the good and the bad. We’ve been married going on 4 years this year, and no, he doesn’t have a psychiatric diagnosis.
5. Exactly how do you feel about your husband? Can you say you truly “LOVE” him or are you dependent upon him? I do love him, in my own way. I have a difficult time feeling love, and my social work said thats becuase I don’t love myself. I never really learned how to love and be loved. I constantly have my guard up, but when I’m able to let it down, the feeling of love towards him just overflows. I honestly would say that I’m very independent, and free-spirited. I’m not dependent on him. I have been in the past, but I’ve done a lot of soul searching in the last couple of years, and I realize now that I don’t need a man in my life. I don’t need someone to take care of me. I entered this marriage with the intention of staying in it, I vowed for better or worse. Then there’s the fact that I do love him and cherish him very much. He’s stuck by me through my worst days. I’m not going to leave him. That would break his heart, and make me a selfish person. My husband is my best friend, the only person I’ve ever been able to count on to be there for me and not abandon me. If it wasn’t for him and his love and patience, I wouldn’t be able to say that I’ve made this much progress.
6. How did you evaluate who was toxic in your social sphere of friends? Well, I just weeded out the negativity. With the identity issues, I’m very much a chameleon. I am who I hang out around. If I’m hanging out with people who swear, I swear. If I’m hanging out with people who do drugs, I do drugs. You get the idea. I removed everyone from my life who could impact me negatively, no matter how good of a friend I thought they were. I replaced all my negative ‘friends’ with positive ones. I’m open about having BPD with all my friends, and explain to them that I need to be around positive people and that any negativity can affect me very negatively. This also includes what music I listen to, and movies and TV shows I watch. I’m a highly sensitive person. Negative songs affect me negatively. I also refuse to do group therapy, because when I’m around other people with BPD or other mental illnesses, I find it makes it a lot harder for myself to recover for the same reasons. I’ve told my new therapist (she’s actually a licensed social worker, but saying ‘therapist’ feels more comfortable) that if she’s tries to stick me in group therapy, that I’d stop seeing her all together.
7. I never said I was cured. I know I’m a work in progress. I still have my ups and downs, and I still have mood swings, but I’m better equipped to handle them and make better decisions when I’m upset. I’ve never done dialectical behavior therapy, but I have learned mindfulness on my own. I’d honestly say being mindful of myself, especially when I feel triggered and upset, as well as being very selective of who I spend my time around, has really been helpful in my recovery. In order to get better, people with BPD need to truly want to get better, and be willing to do anything possible to get there. They also need to believe that they can and will get better. These are important factors of recovering. If you don’t believe you can, then you are automatically not going to get better. Stop with the negativity. Think positively. You can do it if you set your mind to it!
And yes, I did just add you as a friend on Facebook. Lol. Had a feeling like you might be interesting in knowing what it’s like, a day of the life of a lady with BPD on Facebook. I’m rather boring, and kind of nerdy.
Okay, I did see you on Facebook and wondered to myself, “Who is this person “friending” me and how do they know me?” Now I know.
I am hopeful you and your partner are getting along well. As long as it works for the both of you, then More Power to You!
Be Well, both of you.
You are the exception to the rule! I commend you for your courage and commitment to health and your marriage. I can honestly say, if more BPD’s followed your example, many lives would be refreshed with new hopes and possibilities.
Ask your therapist about DBT and see if it’s for you. You are a very rare bird indeed with the brightest of feathers! Fly high and free!
Blessings to you both!
Love your posts and the outright blatant denial by all the lying, manipulative BPD individuals here. I lol’d quite a bit at the ‘asexual’ thing too. Sounds like a power trip, I feel bad for the poor beta male that is the husband or whatever.
WAUW!
Great contribution for me. The power of Mindfullness, spirituality. You found your path, your lover and more I believe. And you are able to make it your own, seems to me.
You can also, like Greg in his own way, enlighten people about the path to recovery. Gregg is showing the first step: acknowledge the negative byproducts of BPD and he is trying to inspire to find help after that. You are showing the results possible, in my view.
You seriously need to stop with all of your judgmental comments, they certainly do not help erase the STIGMA that surrounds BPD. People like you are what is very wrong in society…
She is not THE exception to the “rule”, there are MANY of us out there, you just don’t hear about us because we’re serious about treating and overcoming our illness. You can’t base the entire population of BPD sufferers off the loud ones you hear about on the internet…
You are disgusting, and if you’re here to troll a bunch of people with mental illness you’re even more pathetic. Honestly. You don’t know a thing about this illness, don’t act like you do.
Having a shit personality is not the same as mental illness.
BPD is just a description of a certain type of personality, diagnosed from someone’s behaviour. If your behaviour is awful in BPD was then don’t you think that you deserve the stigma?
But… BPD is a diagnosable illness… are you retarded? I know i’m 2 years late, and i dont even have any disorders… but like… you seem to think BPD is something people choose to have xD
This is so true. I date a girl that has BPD for 4 plus yrs. And it’s been a total up and down roller coaster. She has cheated and lied and stole from me. Talk to her friends like I was the biggest piece of shit. Come up with a reason to move out and say she moving in with her parents, to find out a few days later she moved in with some guy. Then months later after I haven’t talked to her and blocked her out my life she found a way to get up with me and make me feel sorry to allow her to move back in my life. Only to do the same cycle again. But at the same time I did everything for her from buying her food everyday to paying her car payments and paying her half of rent and lights for yrs and buying her medicine, paying for DBT classes, etc. She would go from wanting to have sex multiple times to a day to not having sex for months. I love her a lot but at the same time it has taken all my money and enegy to make the relationship seem to work but at the end she showed no intentions on showing me love back or paying me back as I been blamed for being a jerk and a douche. I never hit her and always dropped anything at the moment to help her out. I showed her more love then her parents as they wanted nothing to do with her. And in the end I got credit debt that I have to pay off and a bunch of friends looking at me like I told you so.
You are a bully. Yet you criticise others. People like you make the world a worse place. People like you cause deaths. You are vile. Innocent and nice people are dead, people who try to make the world a better place are dead. And people like you, who ruin peoples lives are alive and being a bully.
You’re scum.
@Robbie… “???????????????”
Ok, Robbie I read how you feel about me and what you think. Now suppose you be more specific about “WHY.” I have no idea what context you are relating me to. I assume you read one of my posts and it rankled you. Suppose you tell me which specific posts you didn’t like which you felt offended and I’ll respond from there.
In all truth though, we are discussing Personality Disorders and the damage they do to others. Perhaps you have never experienced the betrayal and other monstrous behaviors from having interacted with a Personality disorder.
In all fairness, to condemn me as a “Bully” is to condemn most everyone else who agrees with me.
Tell me how I am a “Vile Bully” and how I “Ruin Lives” and “Cause Deaths.” (This should be good since I am a former paramedic and have literally saved countless lives and delivered 13 babies…)
Please tell me what makes me such a despicable person. You threw down the gauntlet…now I’m picking it up!
OH boo hoo, he’s hitting a lil too close to home for you huh? Lol
Robbie is like my brother. My mother molded my brother into a borderline from an early age. He used to take 10 advil and pull the suicide shit like my mom. They both would get bored and decide 20 minutes into the ER that they weren’t suicidal and rage because they weren’t allowed to leave. It is emotional blackmail nonstop and calling them out is “VILE!!” and BULLYING!!! You cannot win or even get one to see on a common level at all.
What you have described is what’s called “Narcissistic Rage” Borderlines and the rest of the Cluster-B Pantheon of personality Disorders (Which I call “Dracula and his 3 Brides”) have an underdeveloped range of emotions. As humans in our most earliest stages of life we are imbued with Fear and Rage as a means for our survival.
The problem is as these disordered people get older, they achieve the other milestones such as mastery of language, and other educational skills…however, their emotional growth has stunted! They have not developed the more intricate emotional milestones such as empathy, love, emotive self-introspection/evaluation, and all the other socio-emotional capabilities normal people develop to engage others on more intimate and deeper levels.
The Borderline is still stuck at the emotional development of a 3 -5 years old child. So you will see tantrums, childlike whining, pouting and all the other behaviors a child will engage in when they cannot get their way or their needs met.
Their emotional instability is at first surprising and bewildering to the Non-Disordered individual with no knowledge of Personality Disorders. This bewilderment gradually changes to exasperation, then to frustration, then to resentment and finally to anger and even rage in oneself. (Note: When you have reached the point of Anger and Rage…you are mirroring EXACTLY what is inside the Borderline or Cluster-B Disordered person! Borderlines are very good at bringing out the worst in people!)
Driven like children for attention and coddling like an infant, they will Act-Out to provoke attentive responses from others to feed their egos. They are capable of bi-polar emotional upheavals from loving attentiveness to the most violent hateful rages you’ve ever seen. In such extreme cases like your mother, Borderlines will injure themselves or cause someone to perform the injury for them (Self- Injury by Proxy!)
When the Borderline is at this stage, they are at their most dangerous! Because they are children inside adult bodies with adult rights and access to law enforcement! Borderlines are well known to provoke arguments and very controlling behaviors with the sole intent to increase and escalate your anxiety and frustration to the point when you “Snap” and strike out against this individual who is emotionally torturing you.
Then they will call police and put on the “Poor Me” Victim/Martyr persona (Sucking up the attention from Social Workers, Police, Courts…) and have you pilloried in the courts and the public. BORDERLINES ARE EXTREMELY MANIPULATIVE!
Borderlines are very controlling and emasculating to relationship partners. Their relationships usually end in tears and broken hearts and minds. They will usually never present for treatment! It’s usually the OTHER NON-DISORDERED individual who goes to treatment!
You will NOT be heard, They will NOT listen to you, They will NOT try to see things from your perspective, they will NOT feel badly for mistreating you or causing you personal pain or consequences. The usual advise given to the Non-Disordered individual it to simply terminate the relationship and focus on personal emotional recovery and re-evaluation of relationship dynamics and healthier , more compatible personalities which would be much more beneficial and fulfilling in the establishment of relationships.
Oh yeah, I agree. My mom is dead and my brother is someone I just have ZERO contact with. I cut off all contact with them because they both have that diagnosis by more than one doctor and neither of them believe it because my mom called her PD “sexist” and “life experience depression” because she got into radical feminism and that is a theory and he was the one that always babied her so he ended up like her. So it was in my best interest to avoid them. I come from a different perspective but I can tell within 2-3 minutes when I meet one of these types so I try to help other people from that perspective. And yes, with the exception of the very few, who a diagnosis of PTSD may be a better fit for, that can actually get better. It is best to avoid them in general.
Even the ones who aren’t outwardly abusive and nasty will suck you dry and prey on the pity and concern and when you are “good enough” they push away but then pull you back in when you want to leave, it’s never ending. I have tried to be open minded with that type too and they like to have a vortex of people around them and they jump from one to the next constantly and that really just leaves people disappointed.
Bully. When I was five I was always told that I was bullying my step mom.
People with BPD love to claim that they are being bullied.
Anything to get back on their own internal emotional roller coaster.
I can tell them immediately too. That’s what happen when you have to grow up with one I suppose.
I entirely sympathise with your mental scars and entirely agree with how well they fade once you entirely cut these people from your life.
You are right is my humble opinion.
I have never seen it written down so well. Thank you. It is unbelievable if one was never before dating some girl with this problem, They are also lovable. For sure. But they need long, intensive, caring, bold. intelligent treatment. Medicines included, I think. And love, when they begin to take responsabitlity. They deserve love whatsoever, but you cannot ‘invest’ that if you want to stay safe yourself. Safety, also for the ones you also care for. These feelings I experience and ofcourse I would like it different, but her acts require these warnings we share.
The sexism is strong in this one.
I’m a BPD guy, and I’m here to tell you that you’re a complete and utter douchebag. Either that, or you’re a narcissist, so you should probably go and get checked out.
@BobbyMungler…that’s exactly what I would expect from a BPD. It NE. Well Bob, that’s what people like me lament about BPD’s…EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT YOU! This is NOT an article about how YOU…it’s about people like me who are DAMAGED by people like you! “Sexism?”
This article and my comments are NOT about sexism … it’s about the BPD NARCISSISM! (70 % of BPD’s ARE female…and that’s the only reason I wrote my comments so.)
And just like a TRUE CLUSTER-B Borderline … you start off your comment about … … YOU!
And I’m the “Narcissist?” … This is a PERFECT example of how the Borderline projects ALL their toxic vitriol, hatred and self-disgust by DUMPING it on another person so THEY (The BPD) can feel better about themselves ….
The Borderline spends ALL there time and energy Playing the Victim, Blaming others, Accusing others, and Taking EVERYTHING PERSONALLY like the entire world owes them something! It’s everybody else’ fault and EVERYBODY else should go get treatment…NOT the Borderline … It doesn’t work on me Bob!
The VERY FACT you wrote your response to me is PROOF you are NOT focusing on YOU and YOUR OWN DIAGNOSIS and RECOVERY!
As a Borderline, You should be telling YOUR therapist about YOUR feelings and NOT focusing on somebody’s you NEVER MET! But it was obviously IMPORTANT to you to ATTACK this Somebody which shows you are defensive and shame sensitive. Discuss this with YOUR therapist and explore THAT!
YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ON THIS WEBSITE, BOB!
WE’RE NOT HERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!
You NEED to CHECK yourself , Bob … because if you are a TRUE BPD … You will eventually WRECK YOURSELF if you are NOT focused on YOUR RECOVERY, BOB
THAT’S WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT, BOB … …YOUR RECOVERY … …YOUR RECOVERY, BOB… …YOUR RECOVERY!
Ayayay, sounds like you’ve gotten pretty aggravated when I brought up your narcy aspects. Seems like I’ve struck a nerve! As soon as I suggest there’s something wrong with your perfect picture of yourself, you’ve flipped out.
Honestly, it just seems like you’ve had bad experiences with borderlines in your life, and because you could never believe it’s you who’s views are flawed, you’ve sat down and wrote an article demonizing borderlines.
It even seems like you can’t even get your facts right. But maybes you just checked a few articles on the internet and assumed yourself an expert.
Either way, Borderlines are very much the opposite of narcs. They’re self loathing, and perhaps need someone to love them more than others. What they need is for people to try and understand them, not have people run to the internet after being scared by one and make articles telling others that Borderlines should be avoided at all costs.
But it’s obvious you’ve not taken the needs of Borderlines into account when writing this article, and only care for people in the same situations as yourself. Well, good job on the article, captain narc.
My wife had BPD. She killed herself by jumping off a bridge when our child was 10 years old. Stay completely away from anyone with BPD. Never marry and have children with one.
@Digi… I am SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS and the despair your spouse was experiencing, Digi. It’s one of the liabilities of the BPD illness. It can be terrifying sometimes witnessing the VERY REAL turmoil of a BPD spouse. I’ve experienced some of that in my own life from former BPD persons in my life experiences.
(“If you leave me I’ll kill myself and it’ll be YOUR FAULT! And I’ll write EVERYONE letters and tell them what you did to make me kill myself and EVERYONE WILL HATE YOU!”
… or…
“I’ll kill BOTH of US and then we can go to HELL and BE TOGETHER FOR ALL ETERNITY!”) …
The BPD Multiverse can easily gain kinetic momentum, propelling the BP individual towards a psychotic break with reality! Many suicidal gestures are not sincere and so many BP’s unwittingly place themselves in such a situation where they accidentally do kill themselves or do themselves serious harm. The threat or perceived threat of rejection/abandonment often provokes severe instability in the BPD.
Remember that Classic Star Trek Episode “The Alternative Factor”; where there were twins; one sane and rational the other TOTALLY and VIOLENTLY insane and they wound up in another dimension … fighting each other for all eternity…
(KIRK: There is, of course, no escape. How would it be? Trapped forever with a raging madman at your throat until time itself came to a stop? For eternity. How would it be?)
This is somewhat descriptive what the BP struggles with in their daily lives. (Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction”) This is a very real liability for BPD’s.
READ THIS ARTICLE, PLEASE!
http://shrink4men.com/2012/06/11/the-new-face-of-borderline-personality-disorder-mary-richardson-kennedy-abused-her-husband-and-children-and-committed-suicide-as-a-final-act-of-revenge-for-perceived-abandonment/
You child is her legacy to this world … which was too painful for her to stay in. The Self-Loathing, Inner Turmoil, Roiling Emotions like an Internal Hurricane … it can truly overwhelm some people to disastrous ends. In your spouse’s case; her suffering was too much to bear.
It truly is a tragedy to ALL and that’s what I’ve been trying to tell people here. BPD can seriously damage lives … most notably their own!
I am RELIEVED BEYOND WORDS she did NOT take your child with her … which frequently happens to some families with a BP in it. (Susan Smith) Be GRATEFUL for that!
I am hopeful you have been able to continue the healing process and set a new course for yourself and your child. GOD BE WITH YOU BOTH.
Nonsense. They need to grow up not recruit more enablers.
I am a female with borderline personality disorder, and what you say is true. I did not notice that my behavior was so destructive to the man I loved. I never cheated on him, I never lied to him. But I was paranoid, made accusations, violated his privacy, and literally drove him crazy.
The fear of abandonment really is like a drug. People with borderline personality disorder have a sickness that you will never understand (and most BPD sufferers won’t either). It stems from severe abandonment and neglect. Things you can’t imagine, not just a parent leaving the house type of thing. Neglect and abandonment of a child’s expectations that a parent will protect them, over and over and over and over again.
It is a handicapping mental DISORDER. That literally paralyzes the person. People with BDP do not realize there is something wrong with them in that way.
You wouldn’t think I had BDP if you saw me. I didn’t know it. My ex boyfriend knew it, he had genuinely cared, looked out for me. I didn’t know I had it, he did. When I beat the caring mentally out of him, he stuck around because of the way I look. But we BDPs create scenarios. We are so afraid that we don’t see that we are own worst nightmares.
For anyone who plans on dating a girl or is dating a girl with borderline personality disorder, the last thing she needs is a relationship, especially one where you are not fully committed, honest, understanding, and patient. Set boundaries. BUT she needs help. There is a void within her that she needs to fill. Do not destroy yourself. She is not trying to hurt you intentionally, she does not understand correctly. But she is the power to destroy you. Do not allow yourself to be destroyed. Save your energy. There is nothing to comprehend, she needs help. If you do care, get her help. But don’t neglect your own mental health.
If I could warn a good man; stay away from a woman with BDP. It’s tragic. I am doing my part by staying away from men until I am healthy enough. I have made the choice to not be a destructive force in anyone’s life.
Your insight is both rare and astonishingly courageous! It ISN’T YOUR FAULT having BPD. That being said, try not to beat yourself up about it too much…NOBODY IS PERFECT! However, knowing the problem is half the battle! There is NO SHAME having such a problem… ONLY if you do nothing about it.
There have been great strides made in treating the disorder. There is a lot of support for those afflicted with BPD. You CAN live a good and descent life and have loving people in it. You just have to make a sincere commitment to managing your BPD and being ever vigilant in how you affect others around you.
As for the way you look; the BPD afflicted are often are very beautiful in appearance. It’s well known, some of the most beautiful women in the world are BPD afflicted. NO ONE “LOOKS” like they have a personality disorder. Personality Disorders are IN THE BRAIN. Finding a Knowledgeable therapist or treatment facility specializing in BPD is probably the most important step.
Asking family and maybe close friends to support you and encourage your treatment is also very important. Remember, you are the one who must do the work! It is a testament to yourself and your own personal courage and steel that you are committed to getting and being healthy! There is No ONE coming to your rescue…you must save yourself! AND YOU CAN!
But every ascendance to the summit begins WITH…THE…FIRST…STEP!
ARE YOU BRAVE ENOUGH TO TAKE IT? … Remember those lovely lines from “Space Oddity” … “You’ve really made the grade…” *** “… I’m stepping through the door…!
In closing, let me impart my own encouragement to you…
“Even if there is NO ONE around you, KNOW in your mind and your heart … that YOU ARE LOVED in this world.”
The drug is your emotional self indulgence and everyone can get off on it but most prioritise other more constructive things
Well put.
Thank u that the same stuff I dealt with and I don’t believe one bit the ” she can’t help it ” bullshit. They know what they’re doing.
AMEN
Not all BPP are that drastic. Not all behave that way.
No offense but it sounds like you were dating a psychopath not a person with BPD….
Wow greg !
Let me tell you, youve really put my entire 3months of life into perspective.its scary shit !!!
Godd man its soo bad,lies,minipulation, trying to emotionally crush my life, then goes to sleep like nothing ever happend, met this older women on the freakin internet, the bad spot i was in housing wise i was screwed, came to live with her soon after, BIG MISTAKE, totally lied like she didnt have BPD until i was already here trapped… an the cycle of unbelievable emorional carnage begins all again…im stuck living in this 40 somthing year olds house, stranded homeless not a dime to touch to beat feet, im afraid shes damaging my my psych seriously..found tabs on phone “how to brain wash” told me she secretly fantasizes sexual relations with satan, ive been stuxk in this house legit three months an i believe my only way out is a homeless shelter my friend. Its winter time she controls me or tries knowing i have nobody to save me from her, god its draining, depressing, and pure
devistating…ive tried everything to show her what shes doing, in last 3 months, shes taken mass amounts pills to kill herself, (my medication at that) saw her in ICU in a coma she recovered back to her old shit like it was another day…its really just got me feeling hopeless actually and afraid !!! I have sex with her shes a freak person overall an loves sex…now its like “oh fuxk” if i try leaving what could be said….truly scary shit. Push pull in full at all times…got her to attend DBT theropy finally only once a week though, zero fuxkks given about coping skills to manage her emotions…i could use some advice….homeless shelter or constsny deal with this…shes 40 somthing im only 23 …just was a “oh ill help u” at first an i got drug in an trapped….anyone reading with any advice, please help….
“It takes a Real Man to walk away from this nightmare and enjoy the life he’s been given enough not to waste it on someone who is incapable of a healthy reciprocal relationship. Why put up with it? It’s not worth it!”
It’s been three years, how have your ‘normal’ relationships turned out? Do you still believe that women with BPD are monsters? Or have you discovered that everyone is a human being and oh wait!! Maybe I did play a role in how things went? Maybe it wasn’t all her fault? Maybe you didn’t understand what you were really dealing with?
Omg, you are so right with every thing. It’s not until you get rid of the crazy that you realise how nasty and evil they were towards you when all you try to do is love them.
Thank god someone on this thread has some sense. This article is disgusting and offensive on so many levels. Thank you for this comment and for restoring my faith in human nature
Bull. I would never want a woman to sacrifice herself to me and wouldn’t do it for a woman. Enjoy your hell. I have been there trying to take care of a BPD chick for four years. No more.
You’re a dope and you’re gonna keep being a dope. You can’t fix crazy
I don’t see anything in this article that treats people with bpd as if they choose to behave that way. Quite the reverse. This article make it clear that people with bpd are ill, and cannot help their behaviors.
agreed
Mike – real men would take a girl with bpd under their wing and want to protect them, love them, marry them…I salute you – for I believe they are lost souls, (I am not religious btw) i tried the same, i felt i was her lover, best friend, mentor, guide and soul mate, i believed it. She made me feel it.
Ha! Now i live with the option of suicide, it is an option for me. She took all of my soul from my body, but to this day i love her like the first day we met. Reason? Well I found out after twelve years of terrifying rollercoaster days, interspersed with such beautiful heart rending moments of mutual soul searching, and the horniest nights, that she was dating someone else, which I now after three years cannot get over. I still see her for coffee to see she is ok, and to have some company as i have no support of my own, (strictly non sexual believe it or not) This woman i love more than life itself literally. Literally and actually and even still to this day I like to think that i am her best friend. I think she sees me as her best friend but I believe that she could just drop me from her life in a blink (prob already has and im in denial)
In her I have witnessed such skills of manipulation and control and game playing that i think this surely cannot be deliberate, it would take too much rehearsal, it must be just the way they are.
Now after three years, she still acts the same way towards me, massive instant and unpredictable moodswings, huge resentment (hey its NEVER their fault!) and a mouth that just had no kind of filter would tear the heart from you without a second thought. But next day. or even sometimes hours later would be angelic, sensual, calm and lucid, and even sometimes although extreeemely rare, apologetic (well i suppose they cant apologise if theyre not aware of their own wrong doing?)
Behaviourally, she would change before my eyes. I have only ever witnessed this in children throwing a tantrum (my nephew is an expert!), and arrested development shows its head. I am no emotional guru (although ive learned a hell of a lot about human behaviour from her) but I can see that some emotional “item” is not present with them. Experts probably have a name for it all…
I dont have sexual contact with her not since i found out about the cheating. It would be an exceptionally bad idea, as she already has “re-arranged” some of our sexual history and that set the alarm bells ringing so im not pursuing her that way any more. I believe that is a way of securing the emotional bond of a new partener, “oh he was a bastard etc” “oh your poor darling come here and take off that dress” kind of thing…the vulnerability twist in effect…pathological lying, incredible denials, threats to self harm, re-writing of mutual histories, makes for a very surreal and sometimes terrifying experience. I would never ever change things though. These women are in reality so very beautiful, not physically but kind of in a wild/spiritually unbound way, a fascinating horror show,
I am in love with her still, and I am a great lover of the underdog so to speak. Which I believe these women are, trying to survive in a shitty world. And a man dating a girl like this, or like you Mike, in marriage, need to be absolutely emotionally solid, totally consistently, at all times. There is no room for rest or break. Thats a real man. Women who suffer with this need our support, they need that rock solid something because i just dont think its present in their lives. Lack of father figure is it?? or just hardwiring?
Dudes I have taken pushes, slaps, punches, lock ins, lock outs, cigarette burns, verbal, psych, emotional and physical abuse from her, i’ve once had to hit her back, because we were driving at a busy junction, she had my arm in a lock, pulled the wheel, i had one limb free to react and out came a slap. That was my reaction to her endangering my life, her life and the lives and safety of others. What would anyone have done.? I hate myself for it to this second, but it happened that way. She had grabbed the wheel before on numerous occasions. I believe its a panic reaction. I believe she was just trying to get me to stop the car but it wasnt possible at that time. Other accusations were thrown at me too which had absolutely no grounding in reality.
It remains as the worst day of my life.
I am a passive, easy going man, but that day her level of hysteria changed me and I resent her for that, and myself. CAn ifind myself again after? dont know – is there a strange attraction for us men to the type??…
So guys be careful out there – and I hope that you will never ever have to go through even a vaguely similar experience.
btw it goes on with her, even now i hear, with her new man – so i dont think it can change, guys if yr dating these type of girls u better man up, you WILL become every kind of punchbag.
D
Hello D. I am glad you survived. You are very lucky but you have been severely wounded. You are experiencing the symptoms of Post Traumatic Disorder (PTSD).
You have been severely abused by a severely disturbed and sick individual.
To be clear…YOU DO NOT LOVE HER! YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE!
You are experiencing the classic dynamics of a “Stockholm Syndrome” where you have developed an attachment to your abuser/captor.
The first thing you must do is HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT WITH THIS WOMAN EVERY AGAIN!
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
NO CONTACT WITH HER EVERY AGAIN!
Second, you must seek professional help as soon as possible. You need a qualified psychotherapist who an assist you on your road to recovery.
You can have a full and enriched life WITHOUT her presence. But first you must STOP SEEING HER, STOP TALKING TO HER, STOP EMAILING HER, STOP LOOKING FOR HER ON FACEBOOK, STOP TEXTING HER…STOP! STOP! STOP!
You must RECONNECT with yourself and reclaim your life!
You are like the walking undead after a vampire has already sucked the life-blood out of them! Your life is not your own!
TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK! To do that, you must FIRST STOP ANY AND ALL CONTACT WITH YOUR EX! PERIOD! TRUST ME, PLEASE!
GET HELP FOR YOURSELF!
Yes. Having been to actual war and grown up with a woman with BPD I know which is worse. Cut her off and never see her. One day she might grow up but you’ve already been damaged more than enough…don’t take a risk.
Agreed they are Hungry Ghosts, I am educating my son and daughter about these Cluster B Disorders. Determined that they are not hurt by these types of illness.
What if you daughter ends up with BPD? Would you treat her the way you treat all people with BPD?
I would tell her the truth. She is utterly selfish and self absorbed. Her personality is terrible. She should immediately stop acting as she is g ando to those those that she has hurt and apologise and do penance. Anything else would be unacceptable. I would say it because it would be true. It would break my heart but I wouldn’t enable my own daughter to continue to be such a terrible person.
Someone with BPD is an emotional terrorist. ..the advice is similar to what I would say to my daughter if she were an actual terrorist.
Hi, I have beeen involved with such a woman for 2 ears. Please do not contact her anymore. This is the only way to get better. I havent been in touch with her in any way for 5 months and I got back regular sleeping nights, I dream again, no more chest pain, I feel more relaxed. I still think of her everyday, but im now capable of discerning what kind of person she the following article resonated with what I have been through. Hope it can help someone others
http://www.sharischreiber.com/anycost.html
I was raised by one. I know how you feel and cutting off contact is the only self preserving, safe thing to do.
Bpd woman treat a bf like the way you drive a car nothing else they are sick disturbed and need treatment once they refuse treatment and want to screw others and mess with people ,then my friend you need to kick them in curb as the article says it’s like are justifying for a psychopath to own a gun , and then blame the guy who was shoot by that crazy man , you are missing the whole point here since you wasn’t in a bpd situation read the article again it’s pure gold .
Honestly i think that u are a very good man and ur wife is lucky 2 have such an understanding person that she can rely on in her life.you are also v lucky as im sure ur awRe 2 have her love.i have mild bpd which at times feels out of control ,sometimes i do find interpersonal realationships difficult because of trust ect and theres is the mood swings i have which by the way i cannot control,but i am a very lovin loyal bubbly chattu sociable girl who is loved and i think this idiot that started this bs is a pathetic wee boy who cannot handle a real woman,im sure hes not perfect himself and although we suffer from this mental illness girls do not be affected by this idiots comments,live laugh and enjoy ife everyday and most of all keep [email protected]:)))
Some BPD traits:
Selfishness and blame calling, (the real trouble here is “men”).
Seeing others as objects (need gratifying), Narcissistic (personality Disorder) is co morbid with BPD,
BPD is stunted emotional growth between 4-6yo for low functioning and 9 -12yo for high functioning.
Shaming others.
Pathological lying and manipulation “Mike C”
This disorder is a terrible condition for the person with it and everyone involved with them. These poor souls need therapy, so do most people around them after a time.
@Object, I fail to see where the male gender is “The problem” here, especially when it has been established that most BPD (Up to 75%) sufferers are female. Please explain.
Hi Greg,
My mistake, I was pointing out an example of Blame Calling. Mike C had written such tosh about the condition I was showing how his post was a perfect example of BPD traits using his own words. Of course Men are not the real trouble, the real trouble is BPD and their macabre ideas of ‘Good and Bad’.
I’m always amazed at people who claim to ‘Love Nelson Mandela’, ‘Justice’, ‘Save the Planet’ etc and then treat everyone like dirt.
I was unknowingly in a relationship with a BPD for 4 years, it is harrowing. Like arriving in Heaven and slowly realising you’re been taken to Hell. When I hear people saying ‘I can handle them” statements, I just shake my head. Surviving one takes everything you’ve got and then some. Spotting them and avoiding them is survival. I’m not religious but, demons walk amongst us.
I repeat the following for truth
BPD is stunted emotional growth between 4-6yo for low functioning and 9 -12yo for high functioning.
I am so happy to hear someone love so unconditionally. I also have BPD. When I started dating my boyfriend, I told him about it & gave him tons of information so he could make an informed decision about our relationship. Thankfully, he chose to stay & told me that BPD isn’t all I am. He tells me all the time what a sweet loving & caring person I am.
It was quite a catchy article at the beginning while reading because I was suspicious maybe my girlfriend has borderline problems but then I felt as I was reading the article I was labeling my girlfriend with over negative symptoms that she didn’t display. I finally thought hey! this is just his blog from his point of view. while he might be correct with all these descriptions, this is only based on his experience with that bitch person he has dated. I’m a psychology student and I know for sure every human being displays all kind symptoms of disorders at some point. The borderline is whether the person does not know how to cope with his issues. I get mad…rarely, but I still do. However, I cope with it in a healthy way which I don’t harm myself or others. People don’t even know I’m angry. The anger feelings exists my mind in less than a minute. The key here is coping with your negative feelings.
Funny, how when people with mental illness kill someone or touch a kid nobody has sympathy for them…..and funny how men with BPD get little to no sympathy. But women with BPD that ruin lives get all the sympathy. For example, there are pedophiles on one end of the spectrum that act on it and on the other end that don’t. Like this article, wouldnt you say its wiser to say keep your kids away from pedophiles in general as opposed to saying “Well, all pedophiles arent that bad and dont always act on their impulses”
I’d say the rule of thumb is to avoid BPDs unless like yourself you’re equipped to deal with it. The average person isnt and is putting them self at great risk to enmesh with someone with BPD. Just sayin.
Just wanted to rewrite this from someone with a PD, their 180 degree rule of reversing the abuse:
‘Ok, bottom line here is that this post is written from my viewpoint of pure selfishness and blame calling, you are exposing people like me with bpd because I choose to behave this way, which I do. in fact, most do not even realize anything is wrong because most people avoid us because of our behavior, which only makes us worse. I happen to be single, YES single, I’m a woman with BPD pretending to be a man and I won’t change for the world. you see my love is selfish with you sacrificing, and no! people with bpd cannot experience love and cannot have very meaningful relationships. The real trouble here is people who look at people as nothing more than objects for their amusement, Narcissists, Borderlines, Histrionics, Psychopaths? Shut up guys, it takes real men to handle the abuse, hate, envy and destruction from someone with bpd, I’m a teenager.’
Actually Mike C, your first sentence is that of a true “enabler”. BPDs do make choices, as do all insane people. Even lunatics such as Jeffrey Dahmer or Mark Chapman (the guy who killed John Lennon) were aware of decisions they were making. To say otherwise is to be terribly naive.
This is not a world of perfection; it is a world where anything is allowed. And some people choose to abuse that freedom.
All BPDs do know something is wrong. Ever noticed how they adjust their behavior depending on who is watching? If they did not know what they were doing, they would not be behaving in more acceptable ways in front of people whom they want to impress (usually people with some authority – friends, relatives, judges, lawyers…).
You also confuse this author’s tone in the article with the essence of the article, and in doing so, you are exhibiting some minor symptoms of BPD yourself. I can wager a good bet that you had a BPD mother and are not capable of recognizing the dangers of it all, not to mention that you have accepted some of those distortions of reality as your own values.
Good luck. You will need it.
It takes a masochist to “handle” someone with BPD. BPDs never truly recover, only temporarily, or as long as it takes to leave a good impression on their environment (as in “See, I am better now”). They all return to their old ways eventually – there is a study proving this (most other studies were short-term, and BPDs work on a much longer schedule). Since you live with one, and gladly brag about it, that pretty much makes you an “enabler” or “white knight”. Quite an important part of the BPD script to create hell on earth.
Those who claim to know or live with a BPD happily, are either delusional or the other person is not really a BPD in the real sense of that word. They may have self-harming behavior, or unstable emotions, but they usually have enough introspection to correct themselves and honestly observe their own mistakes. Those are not real BPDs though, and I have tons of respect for them. It sure is not easy, but it is possible for anyone.
It is not their condition that makes BPDs so despicable, it is their lack of willingness to be humble, to look at themselves and get to know themselves, and to at least accept the possibility that they need to grow up and learn how to do that.
Well said. The delusion among bpd’s and white knights is insurmountable
I was raised by someone with this issue and if you can handle it, all power to you. It was next to impossible for me personally. I had to cease contact with her to save my own sanity and life.
Smart men take smarter decisions
Good man right here! Your lady is lucky, we are liucky to find men so accepting but also won’t take shit
It sounds like you do not have much self esteem. why would you let yourself be abused and tortured by such a person ? I was just like you- married to [sometimes a psycho] for 22 years. But some lines that are crossed that can not be undone. For example putting her foot through my windshield of my Camaro and trying to yank the steering wheel into a bridge abutment on a major highway should have had me send her packing. But it would take another 25 years for me to finally realize that you cant fix crazy, and you sure as fuck cant fix crazy when she pulls a loaded Glock at 1am in a blind rage. When I say blind rage, I mean I had no fucking idea why she was so angry and screaming like a loon for 3 hours. I left after that. Sure, sure after begging her for 12 years to get help, it took me moving out for her to realize she had treated me terribly and was in need of mental help. I should have done that 25 years before.
While she was in therapy working on her ptsd, and anger mgmt, the few times I have tried to go back (after 7 months of therapy) have ended in a tense standoff and damage control, the last attempt in August which actually lasted about 30 days ended dramatically…and resulted in a call to the police to have her removed from my place of business because she became physically and emotionally violent. In truth I still love her but I have to live my life and move on. By definition most women are crazy, just from the standpoint of being subjected to hormonal roller coasters during the month. Seriously guys, not all women are that bad, but it is NOT your job to fix them or try to help them. You are not a fixer or a therapist.
Set limits and boundaries on the behavior you are willing to live with.
If they are crossed too many times, leave.
I know it sucks to be alone and not have anyone to love but life is too short and why wait until you have health issues from all the stress turning you into a complex medical patient ? If you are in such a toxic relationship, if she wont go to therapy, leave and move on. You are too valuable. If she has brainwashed you into thinking she is not that bad or all women are like that, wake up !! … and regardless of what crap religion has stuffed into your head God will understand that your life is more important than some psycho woman. IT is YOUR life !! Marriage should not be a suicide pact. If you are not married, get the fuck out, get over it and have fun. There are some normal women out there. Just have to be patient, be observant, and strike when the opportunity arises. Learning to be an adult can take time. But there are some behaviors that should never be allowed in a relationship.
I am a female with borderline personality disorder, and what you say is true. I did not notice that my behavior was so destructive to the man I loved. I never cheated on him, I never lied to him. But I was paranoid, made accusations, violated his privacy, and literally drove him crazy.
The fear of abandonment really is like a drug. People with borderline personality disorder have a sickness that you will never understand (and most BPD sufferers won’t either). It stems from severe abandonment and neglect. Things you can’t imagine, not just a parent leaving the house type of thing. Neglect and abandonment of a child’s expectations that a parent will protect them, over and over and over and over again.
It is a handicapping mental DISORDER. That literally paralyzes the person. People with BPS do not realize there is something wrong with them in that way.
You wouldn’t think I had BDP if you saw me. I didn’t know it. My ex boyfriend knew it, he had genuinely cared, looked out for me. I didn’t know I had it, he did. When I beat the caring mentally out of him, he stuck around because of the way I look. But we BPS create scenarios. We are so afraid that we don’t see that we are own worst nightmares.
For anyone who plans on dating a girl or is dating a girl with borderline personality disorder, the last thing she needs is a relationship, especially one where you are not fully committed, honest, understanding, and patient. Set boundaries. BUT she needs help. There is a void within her that she needs to fill. Do not destroy yourself. She is not trying to hurt you intentionally, she does not understand correctly. But she has the power to destroy you. Do not allow yourself to be destroyed. Save your energy. There is nothing to comprehend, she needs help. If you do care, get her help. But don’t neglect your own mental health.
If I could warn a good man; stay away from a woman with BPD. It’s tragic. I am doing my part by staying away from men until I am healthy enough. I have made the choice to not be a destructive force in anyone’s life.
It doesn’t matter that they choose to be this way. It’s sad they have an illness and the hero complex types among us get trapped wanting to help them, but you can’t… they’ll never change… it’ll be a life of cheating, lies and distortion, false accusations and horrendous abuses
I dated one and she was absolutely nuts. They may have been a victim in their life, but you are dismissing their actions.
It has nothing to do with being a ‘real man’. I refused to engage in her idiotic behavior and walked away as a man, instead of escalating the situation. I would not want to raise children in an environment of chaos and potential violence.
Ah the moral high ground, the air is so bracing!
My Dad, whom I lived with, married a woman with BPD. She proceeded to to torture his children throughout our childhood.
BPD equals avoid!
For those women here who have it and are already victim claiming – that’s the point – you will always see yourselves as the victims even as you are utterly toxic to those around you.
For the men here who claim to love them, get a grip! Those tears she sheds are real enough right now, but in two minutes she might not even be able to remember what they felt like, not that the thought would even cross her mind. You are not her saviour – you don’t really exist to her – you are just some vague external object that flies in and out of focus as she rides the emotional roller coaster in her mind.
If you are BPD and reading this and find my writing bleak and hateful, good! I am holding up a mirror to you.
The first step in not being so totally toxic is for you to recognise that you are not the victim, not even of a mental illness, you just have a terrible personality and you have always chosen to put your immediate emotional gratification first.
I don’t hold out much hope but maybe if you can genuinely take responsibility for all the awful shit you have done and righteously decide to try to right those wrongs through steady, sober good works and actions and calm apologies to those whom you have wronged, then you will earn the right not to be called BPD.
Which really just means total bitch.
bottom line is that you are a chump. the truth is, any guy who puts up with a borderline is one who cant get laid anywhere else. a disfunctional little bitch. i bet you let her get away with alot dont you? i can only guess what alot includes. lol
Mike, I recently exited an 11 year relationship with a BPD.
In the last month, I have been propositioned by 3 married bi-polar/BPD. They told me their diagnosis as some sort of excuse. Married is a piece of paper to those who can not trust.
So yeah, enjoy. Currently working to change my perspective. They are not victims, they created their own scenario and work nearly every day to make it worse.
Don’t think mine cheated, but she f-k’d my life over in more ways then I can count(including a false DV charge). Or more precisely, I let her f-k over my life by not taking responsibility for allowing her to control me and getting out earlier.
You have restored my faith in mankind!
First of all, Borderline comes in multiple forms.
Self-sacrificing?, ow please..
From the moment you chose that word i just knew you where just selling empty air.
It looks more like you’re in a relationship with this person to show others what a great and noble guy you are.
Makes me want to puke.
Believe me, it won’t last.
My mom has borderline.
Being with her in person or on the phone is a every day struggle.
She always tries to destroy my relationship with my partner, relatives and friends either by lying about me or by threatning them.
People with borderline see the world differently.
They see theirselves as the main actor of their own imaginary world and will try to manipulate everyone for their own personal gain.
Someone with bpd doesn’t know the true content of loving.
I’m done with feeling sorry for her.
I have chosen to live my own life.
There is a difference in being a nobel person and being a fool who pulls others in their sh*t.
Yea I’m not falling for your traps miss bipolar. You people are prone to lying. :p
you’re a codependency, borderline girls are monsters with a baby face. WAKE UP
YES. YES. YES. Power to you my friend by not running at the first sign of problems. Just like you said, it takes REAL men to support a woman like this, to her her seek out the help she needs and be there through her recovery.
To the poster and those that agree with him, you really don’t know much about BPD at all. Since there are more then one type of BPD. So putting all of us into one group is wrong and just plain stupid.
Let me educate you a bit.
Here are the Different Types of BPD:
Low Functioning Borderline – The “Low Functioning” borderline is what most people think of when they are first introduced to the condition. Low functioning BPDs are a living train wreck. They have intense difficulties taking care of their basic needs, are constantly experiencing mood swings. They also have an extremely hard time managing any sort of relationship with another human being. Low Functioning BPDs are often hospitalized more than other BPD types, for the very reason that they can’t live productively without constant coaching and supervision. These patients are challenging for all but the most experienced psychiatrists. Unless otherwise treated, low functioning borderlines lead self destructive lives and attempt to manipulate those around them with desperate acts, including self harm (cutting, etc.).
High Functioning Borderline – The High Functioning Borderline Personality shares many core aspects of the low functioning borderline personality, except for the fact that they can manage their lives, appear to be productive, and generally keep their relationships civil (even diplomatic in nature). High Functioning borderlines can appear to be normal, driven people one moment; then moody, inconsolable, and manipulative the next. Somehow, there is a mechanism within the minds of High Functioning Borderlines that allows them to lead somewhat “competent” lives, despite the fact that they are in a constant battle with BPD. High functioning BPDs are no better than low functioning: it’s basically the same face wearing a different mask.
Extroverted Borderline – Anyone familiar with the Meyer-Briggs personality tests will understand the psychological differences between extroversion and introversion. When these characteristics are mixed with BPD, there are two different results. The Extroverted Borderline pushes all their feelings, fears, manipulation, rage, and moodiness outward to the people around them. In essence, if you are around an extroverted BPD, you feel like you’re living through their emotions while coping with your own at the same time. Further, extroverted BPDs will attempt self abusive acts in plain view of others in order to avoid abandonment or to express their rage. For example, an Extroverted BPD might cut themselves and then immediately share it with family and friends around them, hoping to gain sympathy or attention. In most cases, these types of behaviours frighten non-Borderlines, and they wonder whether or not the Extroverted BPD should be committed to a psych ward.
Introverted Borderline – Contrary to popular belief, “introverted” doesn’t necessarily describe someone who is a recluse (agoraphobic). Instead, introversion is characterized by experiencing life in a self-reflective, private, and at times distant manner. To others, introverts may appear shy or lacking in people skills. This might be true, however, introverts make up for their lack of social skills with rich inner lives, thoughts, and deep thinking. As a result, the introverted Borderline primarily focuses all their BPD emotions and reactions inward. Instead of having a rage episode in public, they might retreat to their rooms and cry for hours on end, perhaps even harm themselves for their own amusement or as stress relief. Introverted Borderlines live in an odd world: on one hand, they spend most of their time in personal thought and reflection, looking to fill themselves with a viable sense of self; but on the other, they are conflicted by emptiness and the bottomless emotional pit that BPD produces. Introverted BPDs might be harder to “spot” unless you happen to know one personally, in which case you might notice occasional depressive symptoms and evidence of self harm.
Transparent Borderline – The Transparent Borderline is a bit of a mix between a high functioning borderline and either extroverted or introverted tendencies. In plain terms, Transparent Borderlines live double lives: on the surface, “in public”, they appear one way, but in private, amongst immediate family and friends, they appear completely different. As a result, they may or may not be high functioning due to this conflicted state of mind. Transparent Borderlines spend most of their emotional energy trying to balance the personality demands of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the both of which experience strong BPD emotions like anyone else with the disease. Like Introverted Borderlines, Transparent Borderlines are harder to spot, and often only confess their true disposition after a harrowing rage, major break up, or other severely traumatic event that brings all their BPD feelings to the fore.
Some people with BPD can be just one type, others could be two, or more maybe even all types. But to categorizes all BPD suffers as the same is, like I said above, just plain stupid.
Wow, very nice attempt at promoting your arrogance. One more to observe.
There are all same, they just act differently
So… Top of the class at the fire academy, EMT-B and Firefighter for 5 years, Firefighter of the year, 2011, first responder of the year 2011, Stable 2 year relationship with GF, and ohhh…. I am a borderline. 😉 There for labeling everyone under one category of mental illness is not only politically incorrect, but also ignorant.
That’s good, but did you display any of the behaviors mentioned in the article? No? Then it isn’t about you. This isn’t the DSM or a medical journal. Its a pop article to help men avoid women that will ruin their lives. Butt-hurt-ness over nomenclature is small potatoes next to the devastation full-on BPDs cause. Are you even reading the accounts of commenters?
Men and women deserve a heads up about such predictable and identifiable behaviors.
Incidentally, I’ve seen wildly successful, popular, high achieving BPDs ruin guys lives – one’s achievements aren’t relevant, one’s behaviors are. That’s what the article is driving at.
Are you fucking kidding me? Instead of categorising and stigmatising members of a confirmed mental health condition you ought to fucking educate your ignorant, arrogant arse. I wish you a single fucking week with the ‘feminine’ BPD (and congrats to sinking back into the English 19th-20th cent. mindset of gendering mental illnesses) and see how far you would make it without wanting to kill yourself.
BPD is indeed difficult to deal with when your partner suffers from it, but it’s most definitely nothing you need and ought to stigmatise the way you do. It’s like saying beware that man with the crippled legs on crutches or in a wheel chair, steer clear of him cos he will slow down your walking speed. BPD are sufferers of a mental health illness and they are ten times stronger than you could ever be because they brave such prejudiced and uneducated idiots as yourself and survive the stigmata. get the facts. Don’t just fucking watch shit like /Girl, Interrupted/ and assume you know everything. It’s been wuite clearly proven that BPDs do not hurt anyone but themselves and tend to not be violent, so please get your shit straight. Jesus christ. How can you even be this ignorant in an age where ignorance is an option and self-induced.
good response 🙂 thank you
Complete bullshit saying “its been proven that bpd dont hurt others/non violent” how about the need for revenge? The throwing things, tantrums, emotional beat-downs, etc?
No all bpd people dont act the same just like all physcopath dont murder… Doesnt mean you want to go out hunting for a physo husband does it?
Dont blame the people who have come into contact or experienced the wrath of a bpd girl for the stigma on bpd… Blame the tantrum throwing, crazy ass, stalking, screaming, cheating, beating, false accusing girls/guys with BPD who dont care to change or attempt to treat people with decencey and are only nice and kind when it suits them… Jodi Arias… Need I say more?
yup, some of us are hot. some of us find relief in sex but i particularly prefer protected sex and I would never do anything but push a guy out of my life. I don’t hurt other people, nor would I make up a lie to hurt someone else! i’m one of those suffer alone in silence types!
you got all this from two encounters.
Wow, some of these comments are very bitter and insensitive to the fact that this is a mental illness. Worrying…
Rape allegation has no direct link to BPD. Have you forgotten about all those other non bpd women who have made false rape allegations for potentially thousands of dollars. Do your homework!
BPD is not linked to rape allegations at all. We act so out of control some times out of frantic efforts to return to “comfort” that some people probably ask themselves how far we’ll go.
In BPD, anything that can hurt and manipulate, goes – rape or whatever else works in given situation…
No, all those other women are just not diagnosed yet…
Using false accusations and manipulations, which are likely to sound like “truth”, to hurt someone, is the perfect weapon of a BPD.
everyone suffers from this disorder differently. This is so wrong. I don’t do that to someone I don’t know. I’m usually idealistic and then I switch out of fear. Idealistic is because we’re great at blending in and adapting. No sense of our own identity. Over the past year I switch to fear right away and I don’t even date. I run away and put myself into some tough situations to do this. i developed this over a lifetime and was NOT born with this. The hardest part for recovery is being able to overcome the stigma and blogs like this. It’s not easy to be BPD. I see so many normal people around me and wish I could be like that. I know I can’t right now…
i am BPD and as painful as it is to read some of the “stigma” it’s important to know where stigma comes from. A perception based on history. We are a little messed up when it comes to relationships. We can make excuses but we aren’t the most mature women to develop a relationship with. I’m only just beginning therapy and there are moments when I think “I’ll be fine, I want to leave” but then I read articles like this and realize that I’m not fine!
I love how guys are into you, they put you on a pedistool and are waiting by until they have a chance to undress you. They “are amazing listeners” “understanding” and then they find out your BPD before they turn on you. Little do they know they are the ones who lack intelligence. They quickly prove they don’t care about anything but building their own ego and do you know t I have to say to that… Your loss. If you want a girl as simple as a flower then go pay someone by the hour. Girls, let these guys say whatever they please. We don’t need to be effected by this shit! there are plenty more where they came from 🙂 and we know better!
I love how guys are into you, they put you on a pedistool and are
waiting by until they have a chance to undress you. They “are amazing
listeners” “understanding” and then they find out your BPD before they
turn on you. Little do they know they are the ones who lack
intelligence. They quickly prove they don’t care about anything but
building their own ego and do you know what I have to say to that… Your
loss. If you want a girl as simple as a flower then go pay someone by
the hour. Girls, let these guys say whatever they please. We don’t need
to be effected by this shit! there are plenty more where they came from
🙂 I know I have some real great ones who wont turn their back on me right now…
I had a girl like this in my rotation before, and it was nightmarish. Since she was Cuban, I put off as her being Latin, since Latin women often have insane emotions. But this was different. At first the way she fawned over me, my ego let her slip in. She was so loving, so sensual, so sexual, it consumed me. She started coming over, started calling a lot, we went out, and it was great. I stopped seeing other women for a small period of time because i legitimately thought she’d be the one. Then after 2 months or so i started seeing her throw temper tantrums. anything I would say would be offensive. I’ve i walked out, left, a few ohours, or maybe a week later i would get a tearful, heartfelt apology, i would get great make up sex. I was severely torn because I had let her in, and we had made a connection. Eventually though, I slowley started talking to her less and less, putting distance between us and putting other chicks back in the rotation and gradually, it got to a point where she confronted me over the distance. It ended in a cluster fuck of epic purportions, and i severed her from my life. to this DAY she STILL stalks me, tries to get friends to add me, and generally makes me feel like I’m living in a weird, heterosexual male version of single white female.
No matter how hot she is, no matter how great in bed she is no matter how much she makes you feel like a god, she’s only “the one” until you’re out of the room. I found out that despite all her insanity and anger at my distance she was fucking other dudes as well, and at one point even LIVING with another guy. she kept it secret completely.
This is not very nice. I have bpd and I try my hardest to control my symptoms. Some of us are quite adept at understanding and living with their disorder and it’s not always this crazy. But if she’s the one or the girl of your dreams you shouldn’t let the fact that she’s nuts stop you. Just like if you fall in love with someone with bipolar or aspergers. They can’t help it – and they need love too you know! Everyone’s got issues. You just have to actively try and make things as easy as possible – which you can do. Read up on and understand their disorder or problem and maybe even go to couples therapy to learn how to manage and deal with it and how best to keep the relationship healthy.
it’s the comments. I am taken back by the comments… I am really struggling right now with this and I think when I recover, I am going to move! for sure …
I have BPD and I am currently in a successful relationship so to me this article makes little sense. The girl you dated clearly had some issues but please do not put all women with this illness in the same category. Yes we have our issues but we are not all psychotic. It depends on how an individual deals with it.
I have had psycotic episodes and I have had moments prior to fully understanding this disorder. I have had a difficult difficult time as I am now an adult with this disorder. I did not have an easy child hood but now that I understand the patterns I don’t see any issues nor do I have any doubt I’ll make the changes. This post is so frustrating!!!
I think this is the most offensive article and comments section I’ve ever read. Please stop for a moment and educate yourselves before “contributing” to the world.
You are the first person who I’ve seen mention a correlation with the hormones, which I always suspected. But interestingly enough, in my case, I’ve dealt with BPD MALES. As noted below in some of the comments, there are just as many BPD males as females. Males have estrogen, too (just as females have testosterone). I have higher than average testosterone for a female. Nothing crazy lol. I’m attractive, slim build, etc. But I am built pretty lean (low body fat) and my emotions are pretty controlled (probably too controlled).
Anyway, I noticed, ironically, that tended to choose guys to date who were a bit more feminine than average. Maybe my subconscious did this to balance me out. It turns out that these types of guys had a LOT of BPD traits. None of them were formally diagnosed, but I’m almost certain 2 of my 4 boyfriends have bpd. A third had very strong BPD traits and I’m not sure about the fourth. Of the two who I am almost sure have BPD, one was a rager/externalizer type and one was a waif/internalizer type. I won’t go into details about my relationships with them, but it’s a lot of the stereotypical stuff you read online. Sweet guys, but really unstable and destructive. I just recently broke up with the waif one…well, he broke up with me because I basically forced him to give me an answer after he was doing a fade out due to him having trust issues with me (even though I never cheated on him, whereas he cheated on me…hallucinations and double standards much?).
Anyway, I’m making a concerted effort to remain single for a while. I’ve got to figure out what it is about me that was choosing and attracting guys like this. I never want to deal with someone that unstable again. I’m not saying I can’t handle someone who may be a little unstable and actively seeking therapy, but anything more than that? No thanks. It’s not worth it and if someone is so disordered that they are too emotionally self-absorbed to genuinely love you, then what’s the point of a relationship? In any event, I am working on me and hope to attract someone healthier next time around. i recommend people who have dated more than one BPD to do the same. There’s a reason why we are choosing them and are attracting them. Knowing the red flags is great, but know yourself, too, to avoid future heartaches and headaches.
Oh I forgot to elaborate on the main point in my first paragraph below regarding the hormone thing. Basically, I believe that guys who have higher than average estrogen levels are prone to having BPD traits just as women with higher than average estrogen levels are. I’m not sure what the cut off levels would be, but someone should definitely look into that correlation.
Um ok I’m a 25 yr old woman with BPD ive been married 8 yrs. Yes I get my fits and want to break shit. But I took the classes for this what I do when I feel a urge to go crazy wants to come up. I tell hubby to go out and take the kids to the grandparents. He understands me I take my meds also. But not all woman who have this are crazy bitches that yall incountered.
I don’t like having this at all. On the other hand sometimes it saves me from situations in life where a person is a asshole. BPD in a sense don’t let ppl get the best of me has in bully me or it scares ppl don’t fuck with me or my familia;-)
Other then that I dont go crazy like the article says. I like to speak and tell my husband why I’m feeling the way I am and I explain it to him. I tell him let me just deal with this mood leave for a couple minutes. He says ok and we are fine afterwards. I do this with him to secure his feelings and thoughts. But yes I’m nuts in bed and I love freedom on it to do crazy different things also tee hee.
founder of the DBT PROGRAM it really helps
Nice article. Think I’m currently involved with a BPD girl but not sure? She is highly attention seeking and can be emotionally extreme. She recently left the country to move back to France and about three hours after she landed she told me she loved me and everything had changed. I went out to see her after many extremely loving messages and we ended up having unprotected sex to try to have a baby, 100% her idea. One morning I woke up and realised what we had been doing and asked to take the pill. She said no and things got tense although when I left a few days later she begged me not to leave telling me how much she loved me etc. as soon as I landed I had messages telling me her feelings had changed and she wasn’t happy. I have apologised repeatedly about the baby situation and said I will move to Paris if needed and will be there for her. I kept telling her how much icared but our relationship has since broken down. This is not the first time she has gone from “I love you” to “I’m not interested” in the space of literally a week
I predict a baby in the near future, even if it is not yours… just to get your hooked for another 15-20 years…
If you really want to know what it’s like to have BPD, go to my website:
http://makebpdstigmafree.wordpress.com/
Omg…this is the stupidest article I’ve ever read. Please tell me this is not based on one encounter. Please tell me you have at least an Associate’s in Psychology!!! If not, then you seriously need help. You can’t put labels on anyone unless you have education to back you up. Otherwise, this article is just simply…garbage.
If you suffer with BPD, know that this article is full of crap and that most of these posters posting mean stuff are losers; many individuals suffering with this condition are wonderful people and many recover. There are many different degrees of BPD. I have two family members and a friend who suffer with it, so I know first hand what this personality disorder is like and yes, I have an associates in abnormal psychology.
Your associates gives you info on many illness in a 2 year program from books and studies published by and for the same people who write and read them online. I have my share of degrees and cont. Education and I can learn more on my own based on my interest than I did in any class.
Difference between me and you… Im not treating people inferior just because I have an education. I also dont spew sh!+ like I am some kind of expert because I read some books and aced some test.
Actual doctors/
psychiatrist misdiagnose
mental and personality
disorders all the time
(Sometimes a few times)
before they get it right.. But hey I’m sure you knew that already.
You must be a horrible person. Did it ever occur to you to maybe…um, get her some mental help? I suffer with BPD and in now way am I like that girl this author had wrote about. I do my best to be a good person who is caring, loving, honest, thoughtful, and considerate. I am currently seeking therapy to become an even better person. I have improved, but seeing articles like this..it stings and makes it feel as if I have no hope of ever becoming normal or ever getting married. It hurts to know that there is a cult of men, even women who detests people with BPD and say mean things about them. I don’t manipulate people. I don’t cheat or play head games. I try so hard, but this..this just hurts to see such hate around BPD. I don’t even participate in coitus unless its a serious relationship because to me, its something that is special. I try so hard to make people smile, even if it just takes a silly joke. I see it when the symptoms arise and I deal with it as it comes. I try and people need to know that not all BPD sufferers are bad. Many are wonderful individuals with such big hearts.
No he didnt get think to get her help… Did you read it all or just go all mad seeing red in a bpd way. Why would he get help for a girl he tried bang on the first night when she went ape-shit crazy on him.
I dont like the way he put stuff in the article like “bottom of rotation” crap but he did make it clear that she was cookoo from the get. So you girls flipping out for anything other than his being a dog, are just proven his point. BPD is an illness but if these girls cared that they treated people like emotional doormats they woukd get help. But just as a narcissist or sociopath… They typically only care if it benefits them.
http://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/2012/03/we-are-not-monsters-borderline.html
pretty sure my ex friend has this, she is insane… I went from the only one who was worth talking to and the “true sister” since she was fighting with her sisters to a C*** in a minute flat, then when she was sorry and I didn’t want to forgive her I am the biggest bully and jealous! Ha Ha! She is nuts…
Some of these comments are down right irritating. You can’t just cluster all women diagnosed with BPD into the category of which ‘You shouldn’t date girls with BPD.’ There are so many categories to BPD and you just pick the one which shows them ALL in a way like this. Some of them are really good people (with mild and even self inflicting type of BPD in which they do their best to please) and try their best to change, even succeeding with the help of their partners. This just shows how immature most of you are.
Agreed sal. the original poster is pig headed and should make corrections but I have met my share of people who are exactly as he states just seems more like a combo of personality disorders that create this type of behavior or some of the bpd girls have over inflated sense of self or abandonment issues combined with bpd and this creates more mania.
If you were a nonBPD, who had a decades long experience of living hell and watching your own children mercilessly destroyed by her, you’d be on his side.
They are all the same
I was 28 when I met her, I was alone and no dates coming, so I gave her a chance,, I had exact same issues like others here with her,, why no ne told me BPD girls existed??, the next 5 years are been a storm and she developed some of overly attached gf symptoms , lies, radical feminism,
–Tips-
first date risk sex
on the first date or second will trigger a understandable mood swing
At third month constant fights, specially bec cellphone calls
Do not leave any personal evidence, belongings that could be use in real court, (example:porn videos in your pc) beloved cards, exgf pictures, family documents since she could burn them
Notice her bedroom always mess up and will behave same way in your place
Becareful what you say, it will be used for years against you and adapted to any conversation
Do not attemp physical or verbal aggression, you could end at police dept like others commented here
If your are a car’s fan dont tell her is more important than her, she could blow glasses,, cut chairs or break buttons
Instead of break-up with her, try to engage her with a friend and lend on him the charge,, if you do break-up and she has no one she may attempt suicide or blame you
try to find her weak spot , is very hard
If you speak spanish like I do, don’t use short phrases, use long clear sentences, and repeats during phone calls
Caution on sensitive topics, abortion, animal rights, women equality, feminism, radical feminism
school boards should add psycology for 8th graders to spot this scenarios early before going to middle school or high school
This article is highly stigmatising, judgmental and scientifically incorrect. Just because you ran into a severe case of some mental disorder, doesn’t in any way represent all who are affected with bpd. Everyone in the world has issues, and those in denial about their own are the most dangerous of all. This kind of ignorance is dangerous
It probably has a few typos too, and is printed in typestyle I don’t care for… horrible, right?
no.
He has the right to express his frustrations.
Hey, I’m BPD and we’re not like that straight away… lol normally if a man does something to ruin the relationship I turn all scary. I was the perfect girlfriend for two years until I found out my partner had cheated seven times. Now, he is paying, trust me. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. But it’s his own fault as he won’t walk away. The pain I feel from what he is done justifies what I’m doing I feel
On a serious note. That isn’t very nice. We’re not all like that unless you met one that was external. My pain in internal and agonising
At least you are honest and not attacking all the posters for saying their experiences. Guess people dont understand that when we are dating another with a mental/social issue, we are made to deal with it and go through it too and it wears on the other party as well. We suffer when our loved ones suffer and when our patners are bpd they make us suffer.
My experience with bpd is family related through sisters and so I had to deal growing up. I now have minimal contact because its so emotionally and morally draining. Impulse control, false accusations, temper tantums, no respect for law-morals-rules, and no consideration for others relationships are all things battled with them. Maybe all bpd isnt like that but all of my sisters are. and they all are incredibly mean, manipulative, uncaring, cheaters, and pitch bigger fits than their children. They all also expect more from everyone else than themselves. I am way too logical of a person to deal too frequently with people so irrational. They are all almost 30 married with children and still less mature and less responsible than I was at 12. I try to understand its a disorder but it gets old being the only one who tries and suffering through it all.
Good luck and keep up with the honesty. It truely is one of their biggest problems.
Lol @ all of the butthurt BPD females up in arms about this article.
All your angry rants do is prove the original point, that you are snakes with tits, and should be avoided at all costs.
This is unfair. I am a BDP girl. I was date raped a year ago by the Narcissistic idiot I was dating. When we feel betrayed or our pride has been hurt, we do hold grudges and we do tend to seek revenge, but not one so severe as LYING. We are not liars. In fact, we hate lies as much as anyone else. I can’t believe people who are not even professionals are putting us down on the same level as Sociopaths and Narcissists…. it’s insulting. I am a human been, I know I have hurt others and I am sorry, I am truly sorry.
Acctually all BPDs are great liars. Perhaps you are not as much of a BPD as you think?
Been there done that … my ex had this undiagnosed and her symptoms only showed up after a year or so (they mirror you like mad – you won’t even know it!!). After 1.5 years with mine it got to the point that I couldn’t even answer my mobile phone without getting heart palpatations … “no news is good news” with bpd girlfriends!!!! I left her when she was in a violent rage one night (I never even seemed to know what the arguing was about – CONSTANT ROLLERCOASTER)!!!! That night she kicked me in the stomach (when I was sitting patiently on the floor waiting for her to calm down) and later had her hands around my throat. I cut my SIM card up as I was leaving so she couldnt contact me, blocked her on facebook and all my email accounts. Within two hours of this psycho rage she had setup a new facebook account and messaged me a huge apology saying she would kill herself if I didn’t reply. I didn’t reply and didnt answer her calls to the house phone (unplugged the voicemail in advance) and days later she knocked around my house – my family just drove her back to the train station. Leaving them is the best thing you can do guys save yourself the heartache, the sex might seem worth it but the headfuck certainly isn’t!!!
Lovely to see so much compassion witth someone who’s mentally ill…
Lovely to see so much compassion witth someone who’s mentally ill…
you don’t know wot its like until you go through it im sure most of these guys tried to help there gf who wouldn’t but its gets to a point where u have to call a spade a spade
“keep her at the bottom of the rotation” you are a pig! I came across this article while trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with my sister and this BPD seems spot on. But seriously… You are talking about someone with a clear mental disorder that cant help her crazy and you are giving advice on how to screw her emotionally (worse than she is) so you “boys” cant get screwed physically?¿ DISGUSTING!!
Oh my god people… The poster may be an idiot about dating or views of women but he is just saying what happened to him. Hes not speaking of all women only the ones that act as wacked out as this girl did on the day he met her. All you on here saying…
Omg I have BPD but im not
like that… Blah blah blah…
and how could you do this to
us- we are suffering, we are
all different and nothing like
this, etc….
Well you all seen pretty similiar.
If youre all so good a handling your bpd, why are you reading this article in the first place?
…and why are you (not “you” but those who are replying with “but I am not like that…”) being offended by something that is NOT about you personally? Because you suffer from BPD.
Lol, as a Borderline girl who read this post, guys like you are the best to fuck with. ♥
you really do a great job of representing people with BPD then
I have been reading the above article and all of your posts with interest. Like my partner of 4 years, you were all VICTIMS of BPDS. There are so many links to this condition on google. Other victims of BPDs who should never be forgotten are future partners of men who have suffered at the hands of these sick individuals. I have been told that as children. BPDs may have suffered some kind of abuse. As adults, the person we still have to deal with from time to time seems to have enjoyment in ruining others’ lives and fabricating “save me” or “I’m sick” scenarios. Something I reccently read made the hairs on the back of neck stand up. Read Munchausen syndrome, which is different to Munchausen by proxy. A good link is http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Munchausen_syndrome
The BPD we know does and says things to cause discord amongst others, try to gain sympathy, create an illusion about herself and her character. BPDs can’t maintain their illusion due to their need for conflict and control. My best advice, if you meet a woman who you are physically attracted to but your inner alarm bells are constantly ringing, don’t try to be the hero and “save her” from her past (they’re most likely lies). Get the hell out!!!! Especially if you value your bank account, clean police record, family name, and the clincher, trust her to take care of contraception. If you are reading this and think, “well, she’s a bit like this but she’s had a hard life” do your background checks. Chances are she is the sister of the Brothers Grimm and is full of fairy tales. Best of luck and good fortune.
This is absolutely disgusting.
My girlfriend of three years has BPD. this article and the comments left on it disgust me. having a girlfriend with BPD is rough at times but she is not crazy. she is fully aware of her BPD and knows it can be a dangerous thing at times.. the main thing i want to leave those who read this with is BPD isn’t the issue, its the lack of awareness and concern for those who suffer from BPD. Its hateful ignorant shit like this that make people with BPD even less likely to seek help. They already feel like no one will understand what they feel and you only increase that pain tenfold. The hardest thing for my girlfriend is dealing with the fact that no one understands or cares to understand people with BPD. From 3 years of close and personal experiences with a loved one with BPD i can honestly say i feel their pain and when i see things like this i hurt for them. How about instead of spreading hate and ignorance about it you spread awareness and acceptance.
There are various levels of PBD – the one you are referring to may be less damaging to non-BPDs. But, if you ever experienced a true, passive-aggressive, manipulative, destructive, full blown BPD, with zero interest in taking responsibility, you would know why there is so much vitriol here…
I WANT SEX!
You are a jerk dude. How dare you say a woman with BPD is not datable. There is plenty of counseling to help those issues. Now, a little pecker (which u prob have) is a real reason to walk away. Just saying
You’re a fucking disgusting person for having written this. I sincerely hope not all men are as chauvinistic, emotionally stunted, and generally as insensitive as you. What a horrible generalization.
Your misogynistic viewpoint and frankly undeveloped understanding of women and mental health along with your general lack of empathy, only undermines your sorry attempt to slander and ostracise those who have no choice over their illness.
It’s men like you and those you preach to that exacerbate the difficulties and insecurities of these poor women. You should be ashamed.
This is utter bullshit. Not everyone with BPD is as crazy as this “author” makes them out to be. I have this disorder and find this article very offensive. This person makes borderlines seem crazy and should be in a mental ward. I’ve had this disorder for over 10 years, I have a very stable relationship and I’m raising a child. I’m not crazy and I still have this disorder. Do your damn research before you post a childish selfish article like this! All kinds of diseases and conditions have different levels as well, from mild to very severe. I’m sorry for those of you who have an extremely bad past with those who have BPD. Just remember not all of us are bad and insane
Funny how all BPDs respond in the same way…
Bpd’s are bat shit crazy
I disagree that this article is written from pure selfishness. Having encountered someone like this, and mind you I consider her just a friend, nothing more, and I only believe in sex after marriage, yet she persistently violated my personal boundaries, persistently complained about everything and annoying me with texts and spam everyday. My life practically became hell as such an idiot decided to be sensitive to everything and made it seem like I’m attached to her when I have made it damn clear – we are JUST FRIENDS, nothing more.
In short, SHUN such people, RUN from them. I don’t care how mean this sounds, but protect yourself. Mingle with sane people, not crazy people.
I hope everyone shuns you and runs from you, you complete and utter ass. I hope you know the pain people like you put us through because you can’t be bothered to form an educated opinion. You think we don’t have feelings? You dated ONE girl with BPD you didn’t date everyone that’s ever been diagnosed. And we’re not crazy. You however, are undoubtedly a horrible person who deserves to burn in hell.
Says the not-crazy person.
Seeing all the rage and attacks by BPDs around here, I propose that this page should be named “Observing BPDs in their natural habitat”…
I just read your commentary. I have been diagnosed as Borderline. I resent the fact that you lump all of us into one catergory. I don’t act like a brat when I date men, but I do have insecurities and issues with abandonment. It’s unfortunate that you had such a bad experience but this girl sounds more bipolar than borderline. The two are often enterchangable. I am in Dialetical Behavioral Therapy because I don’t want this issue to affect my entire life. Women who have this problem need to find a DBT group and get a great therapist. We feel relatively benign things in a more intense way. Some of us will push men away before they get close to us. Every woman with Borderline Personality Disorder deals with her condition in her own way. Most likely your ex had a history of intense physical, mental or sexual abuse.
Not all people who are diagnosed as Borderlines are indeed borderlines. It seems that lately, only low-functioning, highly visible, and more honest types are easily classified as such, while those more dangerous to the society and their family are not classified as easily. Part of the reason is that among professionals, there are too many BPDs (a white coat is a perfect disguise), another part is that they are truly hard to identify (especially highly functional ones), and also, the criteria is too vague and even – not accurate. Lastly, whatever criteria is applied, it is used badly, as if human nature is a a simple “if-then” thing…
Being someone with BPD I find this offensive. We do not choose to have BPD. My mom has it, and my dad was bipolar. That’s why I am the way I am. It takes a long time to get better. My boyfriend is the most amazing guy in the world to stick with me. Us BPD girls/guys deserve love too!
And seriously everyone…stop fucking generalizing the BPD population as a whole. Every case is unique and different.
You only deserve as much love as you are willing to give.
All PBDs are selfish, arrogant, aggressive, manipulative, hateful, revengeful, mean, and so on. If you don’t see yourself as such then either you are:
– not a BPD (perhaps due to therapy)
– A BPD, but a delusional one, just like all of them.
From the “tone” of your message, I am betting on the second option.
ALL BPDs are not anything! Do your research before you go around judging a disorder you clearly know nothing about.
Actually, all BPDs share common traits, only diifferences are in their manifestations.
Do your research before you go around judging a disorder you clearly know nothing about Dee.
John, stop using your experience to taint everyone else. It’s a dreadful shame what has happened, but I wonder whether you ever sought therapy for your wife, or indeed you validated her emotions? It is never just a one horse race.
Also, stop telling people the symptoms of BPD – you’ve clearly highlighted the ones that are relevant to you and decided to conveniently leave out the many other symptoms that make up the disorder.
Lastly, you are “delusional” to think you know everything about this disorder. You clearly know very little.
Rebecca, stop telling people what they should do. Focus on yourself instead, you will contribute to making this world a better place that way.
I am not writing a book, hence, I post what is relevant to the original article. But you would have nothing to judge if you saw things as they were, right?
No they are all the same
Holy fuck! Where was this article 2. Years ago?
Staying with the girl with BPD was my fault, but here are some of the things that went down.
1. She broke my nose
2. Cracked a rib
3. Keyed my motorcycle
4. Got me arrested for assault
5. Got me demoted in the Navy
But the Love/Hate cycle had it’s upswings:
1. She got my assault case dismissed
2. She adored me like a god
3. We had a connection to the level of she could sense my state of mind from a distance
4. We partied like fucking rock stars. It was like having a female me. Threesomes, both of us pulling women and jumping to a strip club.
5. She was a male egos ultimate booster..
It all came at a price.
Who was at fault? Me. The thing is, with a BPD girl, the love, and sex can be so amazing, so beautiful, the good can be so good that you’ll try and fight through the bad to get back to it.
Eventually I swallowed the red pill and traded up. But holy hell I’ve never had an experience even close to those couple of years.
If you find out a girl has BPD IT IS NOT WORTH IT! Build your game higher and make rocknstar experiences with stable women.
I have BPD and while I sympathise with the experience you had with this one girl, it is still ONE girl and we are not all the same. We don’t all have the same degree of severity and it also depends on the person and their age. I have very unstable emotions and I’ve made mistakes but I’ve always tried very hard to find out what was wrong with me. I kept away from relationships entirely for 3 years, not wanting to inflict my pain on anyone else and I have ended relationships for that reason too. It’s not fair to give all of us women with BPD such a harsh tarnishing until you have a wealth of experience with this type of woman.
I have never accused anyone of raping me, I’ve never been moody with someone I’ve just met, never wanted to have unprotected sex and I’ve never been a thrill seeker either. I don’t like gambling or theme parks or anything that gives a cheap thrill. And I have never had hissy fits about ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. We get upset when our feelings are invalidated, but we can rarely identify the cause. We don’t ask to feel these things and many of us want nothing more than to get better, but unless you have suffered with a mental illness you cannot understand just how hard it is to fix it.
I’m not going to claim to be easy going. I know I can be hard work, but I don’t do anything to purposely hurt anyone and I don’t use manipulation. I care intensely and feel intensely and I hate that I do manage to hurt people. The misery I have caused myself and others is exactly why I have tried to commit suicide on a few occasions. People like me could really do with a little understanding from people who aren’t burdened with this illness and who are therefore incredibly lucky. We are the unlucky ones so give us a break.
Wish I read this a month ago!
Hi for the purposes of some self healing and perhaps some guidance I would like to put my story down. I met a girl three years ago at a wedding, she was way younger than me. I was just visiting my old home town for the wedding and was due to go back to my new city in a week. She was unlike any girl id ever met. Such an unbelievable sexy, alluring, dark and mysterious creature, whats more she was very becoming and forward with her advances. I thought id throw caution to the wind and offer to go away with her for the weekend. She’d said she just ended a serious relationship and was going through a lot of stuff, so no. The next day she called and basically initiated phone sex with me right off the bat. I drove 300 km to meet her at a cabin in the country and we delved into each others ‘souls’ almost immediately. Im an artist, Im in touch with creative people and have struggled to find a girl on the same depth of creative wavelenght my whole life, here was a woman who was extremely intelligent, deep and mind blowingly sexy in just the way I liked but had never had. We slept with each other that night. Her emotions where all over the place, wanting me then totally stone walling me. It got so much that I actually decided to leave the cabin the next day and go home.
This is where it gets wierd… I couldnt stop thinking about her, I was thinking about her the way you would think about someone you’d known for a lifetime, totally besotted. A few days I tried to re establish contact but she was done with me, like I was discarded garbage, sort of blamed me for taking advantage of her while she was in a vulnerable state. This shit hurt,… My ego and my heart where utterly crushed. Here Id met my Soulmate and there was nothing I could do about it. When I returned back to my new town I wrote her a letter explaining that I think we could be a good match for each other. Her reply was harsh, terse, demeaning and dismissive at best. For months I struggeled through the pain of a long term break up over a one night stand, so much so that I saw a therapist about it and eventually found a way to get back to my home town so that I could try and spark things up again. I fantasized about her, elevating her to some sort of goddess state. All the while terrified of actually getting involved again. She eventually got a new guy and I eventually got on with my life.
She is involved in my social circle somewhat and 5 months ago she broke up with her guy and out of the blue (knowing that I like her) phoned me up to ‘hang out’
I though FINALLY the gods are smiling on me and now i’ll have my shot. My approach was to be her friend and slowly but surely we could become lovers because I didnt want to repeat the mistakes of our previous endeavor. We went out a couple of times, all the conversations where about her, her moods varied from black to real sweet affection, I kept my feelings under control, treated her kindly, didnt take advantage, basically I just got friend zoned. She would make predictions that we;d soon go away together again once her heart had healed, she would ask me to lie with her and comfort her when we where alone, so I would but when we;d go out she’d use me as a wing man to pick up guys or more like let hordes of guys put advances on her while I watched. It was excruciatingly painful for me. Anyway so foolishly I just the other day thought it was time to lay it on the line and let her know that I have deep feelings for her and would like us to try and be together. Her response was that shes not my girl and would rather be friends. Tomorrow Im going to a party and she;s bringing a date along that she just met.
Im a fucking mess. I also think that maybe through all of this ive perhaps developed a personality disorder of my own, like some needy unrequited love thing toward a woman that i’ll never have. Its so weird, I look at what Ive written and am actually afraid for my future.
Do you think Im sick or do you think I just got caught in a very alluring trap?
I’m in the same boat, just don’t make half-hearted attempts to kill yourself over it like I have.
Fact: 2-3% of society is afflicted with this horrible disease.
Fact: 10% of people with this disease, KILL THEMSELVES.
Fact: The month of May is “Borderline Awareness Month” for a reason.
I’ve dated girls and women who have exhibited similar-to-exact traits and characteristics, but they were, IN NO WAY, afflicted with this truly scary illness. I suggest actual research before labeling people.
I’ve been using the internet since its public inception, and this is the WORST display of humanity I have ever seen, and one of the best displays of ignorance.
Your point is? That you have never really dated a girl with BPD and therefore you are ignorant of the facts of this problem?
Also, with your judgmental ways, “This is the WORST display of blah blah…”, I am tempted to believe that you my friend may be a sufferer.
You obviously don’t understand, that they don’t act like this by choice! You think it’s easy for them? Don’t you think, they might want a normal life like their co workers? W/o the drama? You honestly don’t deserve a girl like that. Do your research and don’t just judge.
no, they do, they just refuse to observe themselves.
Really? Unless you have BPD (which I’m sure you don’t) you wouldn’t know. We refuse to observe ourselves? How about you observe yourself and recognize the hate that’s spewing out of your mouth towards 2% of the population? Most of whom you don’t know (luckily for THEM)
Actually I know, BPDs don’t. The essence of any insanity is inability to self-observe.
No one wants them
I remember my wonderful days working in the field of mental health.
I was one day tasked with tabulating answers to a survey that was sent to mental health providers state wide (psychiatrists and psychologists) concerning their willingness to treat certain mental illnesses.
Not ONE of the two hundred or so respondents were willing to even meet with what we called “borderlines!” More than one returned survey stated that they would RUN the other way if one ever showed up in their office! Remember this–NOT ONE SINGLE MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL WAS EVEN WILLING TO MEET WITH A “BORDERLINE.” Now that’s sayin’ somethin’!
Really? That’s funny, lots of people have worked with me and there are centers devoted to treating people with borderline. You’re a moron and I’m glad you no longer work in the mental health field because you would ruin countless lives with your ignorance I’m sure.
And then there is the absolutely wost type of BPD, the type that only a top notch BPD therapist >MIGHT< recognize before it is too late: the highly functional BPD. How do I know? I am living with one.
Here are the differences:
1. All BPDs have rage issues – they can attack you viciously, for whatever reason, or no real reason. However, the highly functional BPD knows what type of attack is socially acceptable and at the same time most damaging. So, instead of physically attacking you, or verbally provoking you (which they may do once in a while), they will plan a nasty divorce after which you never see your children again; or they will play every possible passive-aggressive game known and unknown to mankind. For instance, the moment daddy comes home, the atmosphere changes to a negative one. Dad is not aware of it as he was not there to observe the change. Kids are too small to know what is going on, but they do learn that dad=bad… because their mom becomes a b..c on steroids when he is home. Everything dad says is turned against him, and kids start resenting the very fact that there is a dad in the house. The BPD wife wins whichever way things go from here: either the husband will have to put up with any amount of abuse, or he will loose even more in divorce. At worst, the kids will be made to suffer, so husband better play along – and endure the torture. The highly functional BPD mother could not care less about children, while claiming unlimited love for them… in words, not in deeds.
2. As kids grow up, the BPD is loosing leverage. The more evil ones will steer everything towards a divorce as there is very little to loose and everything to gain as divorce, at least in N.America, is heavily tilted against the father.
From here, there are two options: some will divorce no matter what (and showing their true face, which produces stories horror movies are made of), and some other will feel an incredible urge to have more children. This second option is just another chapter or extension of the whole BPD game with their husband. Highly functional BPDs quickly recognize what “works” with their partner, and play the game like true masters of evil that they are. If the husband goes for another child, the game becomes even more vicious as BPDs only get worse over time (unless they want to get better and take serious therapy which in case of highly functional ones is highly unlikely – that’s why they are functional, so that nothing seems out of place!). So, count with another 15-20 years of torture if you fall into the trap of one more child.
3. Every possible and impossible socially-acceptable, passive-aggressive way is used to feed the BPDs emotional needs (and BPDs need strong negative emotions and “wins” more than vampires need blood): screaming at the smallest mistake (and portraying it as the end of the world) – such as sitting on the edge of a bed with your work pants still on… Always ruining every attempt by you and your kids to be happy: if you buy a new DVD, she will get pissed to no end about “wasting money” (even if it is a Disney DVD discounted from $29.99 to $3.99); if you buy some food or snack it will inevitably be “unhealthy” (even if she is the one suffering from binge eating and buying more crap than anyone) or “why did I prepare to cook all this then?” (when she never shared any info about what she was about to cook); always doing things so that you wish she never touched them – constant under-achievements: the food will be burned, or missing an essential ingredient like salt or will be left outside to rot, or she will take my credit card and forget to return it, so now I am in trouble with, say, toll booth… or she will get a virus on the computer, and so on. As soon as the problem is created, she enjoys the troubles that spring from it and makes sure that the other person is dealing with all the crap that comes out. She has to be incapable of solving most problems and will refuse to learn how to deal with them – it is one thing that keeps things in perpetual state of chaos which she loves. It allows for manipulation faster than one can see what is going on.
Here is one recent example:
I was sick and my parking ticket was due soon. She brings it over for me to pay it, even though I am not exactly capable of doing it… to preserve peace, I decide to do it, and then go to bed. She leaves the room. I go to internet, type in all the data, and find out that my credit card is gone – she has it (she lost hers and didn’t get a new one yet because she would have to get up “early”, and she sleeps until noon…). So I leave only that cc number field empty and faint on the bed. She comes back, asks if I paid the ticket, and I tell her that she needs to enter the numbers and press the “send” button. She does that, the page says “print” she skips that, and that is it. We now have no confirmation that the ticket was paid. I ask her why she did that, she is quiet. Now she is trying to get to that page again… but she manages to ruin the computer… which now takes half an hour to figure out… and so on and so on… from a simple thing to an incredible problem that I have to solve every time. No apologies, no corrections, just move on like nothing happened, until you go mad. She just needs to make sure you have no time or energy to notice what she is all about- sucking the life out of you. The more busy she keeps you, the better for her. And it is ALL socially acceptable: computer do crash, credit cards do get misplaced, kids to get insecure (ours started stuttering and having ticks due to her aggressiveness, but she will never admit to it, or show any genuine interest – “just forget it, it will go away”)… and so on.
If there was a behavioral pattern that would make the devil proud, it is the highly functional BPD.
The biggest mistake one can make is marry one; and even bigger mistake is having children with one… it is an 18 year sentence with hellish consequences for both you and children.
John Smith – I want to say this because no one seems to be acknowledging your feelings. I’m really sorry to hear that happened to you. Both you and your children did not deserve to be treated like that, and ultimately there is no real excuse for your wife not trying to get help. No one should feel like they are constantly subject to psychological manipulation and verbal abuse, and it’s much worse when kids are involved and your partner is turning them against you. It’s completely understandable that you would be furious and even feel she is “evil.” I don’t know her personally, so I really can’t say too much about her. However, I have known people in my life that I believed were truly “evil,” such as my brother who was abusive to me and had anti-social personality disorder. Even though it’s been a long time since I’ve even seen him in person, it’s almost impossible for me to look at him like a human because he did not display compassion, and it sounds like your wife was the same way.
However, I have come to a point in my life where I realized that the rage I harbored for my brother is actually harming me more than if I were to try to understand and process what he did to me and how it affected me. My rage shut my mind off from actually dealing with the pain that was caused. I also noticed that I had a tendency to quickly come to the conclusion that someone was “evil” if they displayed any of the characteristics I associated with my brother. This has harmed me even more, since most people I have met are not as two-dimensional as my brother. I don’t give them enough of a chance to be good to me because I assume they will hurt me just like he did, and so I have a tendency to either push them away or fight back. I guess what I’m trying to say is – give yourself a chance to process what happened to you so that you’re not so quick to label and characterize someone based on a set of traits. Whether we like it or not, at the end of the day we are all individuals and cannot be simply categorized as being “good” or “evil.” I’m sure that logically you recognize that not all people with BPD are the same, but emotionally I think you don’t really feel that way – and rightfully so. You’ve seen a very biased picture. I know it’s not your intention to spread ill will, but please realize that when you attack a group of people in writing, that is what you’re doing. Your wife insisted on spreading ill will to you without getting help. I don’t know whether or not this is something you’re seeking help for, but if you are I definitely congratulate you on that. It takes a lot of strength to go through what you have, but don’t let your wife win by becoming a bitter, resentful person. You deserve to be happy, and I’m sorry to say this – but your wife does too. She is creating a lot of misery for herself, and that is not your problem. I’m sure that deep down she knows this is not the way she wants to be. A mental illness is also not something someone chooses to have, unless they voluntarily opt for some kind of destructive brain procedure. I have not been diagnosed with BPD, but I have been diagnosed with major depression and have suffered with that illness for about 10 years now. I can tell you that I absolutely hated being depressed, and I did decide to get help through means of medication and counseling. It was pretty obvious to me that I needed help, but I think people with BPD often cannot truly understand that their way of life is destroying them and those they care about. They may see it purely from the sense of being conscious of their surroundings, but deep down they may not understand what’s going on.
Anyway, sorry for such a long post. I hope it didn’t sound too patronizing or anything, but I just hate to see people who are hurting and dealing with that hurt by spreading it to others. Trust me, I have done the same thing over and over. In the end, it only made me feel worse because I realized I was no better than my brother at that point. You deserve to be happy and free of someone who is dragging you down. Other people you come in contact with deserve to interact with the positive side of you, not the negative. Maybe they don’t understand what you went through, but no one can except for yourself. Best of luck in your future.
Just because you knew someone with BPD doesn’t mean you’re an expert on it. We’re not ALL the same. We don’t ALL do anything. Everyone with BPD (and by the way it’s not just girls who have it) is different, just like all “normal ” people are different. Just because you had one bad experience doesn’t give you the right to go around painting us all with a big black brush. Are you a psychiatrist who went to medical school and specializes in BPD? No? Then shut up and stop acting like you know everything about it. My psychiatrist was married to someone with BPD who was, as you so eloquently put it, a “rager” and instead of choosing to go around bashing everyone with BPD he decided to devote his life to helping people with BPD. The difference between the two of you is that he is a compassionate, kind person while you are a complete and total douche. I hope someone judges you the way you’ve judged us and you know the pain and suffering we have to endure from people like you who ridicule us becuase you can’t be bothered to form an educated opinion.
Leah, just because you have assumptions does not mean they are
correct. I never stated my professional experience, diplomas,
achievements, and so on, yet in your comments you imply you know what they are. Narcissistic? Plenty. Discounting? Even more. First signs of a BPD.
Your only value is – an example to those who are not aware of how BPDs go through life thinking they know it all. I will continue to reply to your bs, if nothing, at least for those who come here and find this interesting:
– Everyone with BPD is essentially the same. Manifestations may be different, just like every aggression is different, yet ,in essence it is the same thing. (e.g. there is “verbal aggression”, “physical aggression”, “passive aggression”, etc and even each one of those aggressions has infinite number of sub-types and “flavors”.)
– Normal people are different, but they do not have BPD. And even they have certain, important things in common: a healthy set of values that they follow in life; BPDs don’t have that which is what makes them so dangerous.
– If I said that I was a professional psychologist with decades of experience and still studying for my own pleasure as knowing
truth about human nature and condition is my passion, would you
apologize?
– I never used the word “rager” in my post, so again – you see things that are not there, like a real BPD.
– Now, lets see how many judgmental epithets you have used in your post: “that does not mean you are an expert”, “doesn’t give you the right to…”, “shut up and stop acting like…”, “you are a complete and total douche”, “I hope someone judges you…”, “you cant form an educated opinion”… and so on. See a pattern?
– Now let’s count “yous” which is a trick some psychologists use when they are observing who is truly the abusive one in a relationship (the person using more “yous” is usually the one): FOURTEEN “yous” out of around 200 words! That’s a “you” every 14 words. There are other words that can be used for the same purpose, but I will not disclose them here, as I don’t consider giving information away to an enemy a wise thing. Yes, in my studies I have come to a conclusion that unfounded, optimistic attitude of “all people are good deep down” is not true. Some people are simply evil. And even more depressing is the fact that most of those who are evil, are such by their own choice.
– In the end Leah, you are nothing more than an insane BPD who hates the truth. Indeed, truth is the biggest enemy of a highly functional BPD. One can judge a quality of a text about BPD best by reacions of other BPDs: if they generally like it, it is missing a point and generally being supportive of the evil they bring to this world. If an author or text is viciously attacked, as you do it Leah, than, it is a good indicator of its positive contribution to our learning and dealing with BPDs.
In the end we are all responsible for our actions, even BPDs.
Ultimately, I just want to share one other psychological trick with those readaing this: BPDs project all the time; almost everything they utter is a description of themselves. This makes Leah: “a non-expert”, someone who should not go around giving
opinions or painting anyone with any kind of brush. Since she is also not a professional in this field, she should shut up and stop acting like she knows everything about it. (The story about psychiatrist who was married is most likely a lie, so I won’t comment on that part). The difference between me and Leah is that I am compassionate while she is a “complete and total douche”. Leaha (secretly) hopes that someone judges her the way she judges others, and that she endures even more pain from people as mean
as her because she cannot be bothered to form an educated opinion. (This last bit about judging is quite telling – she comes from a family of a terribly judgy female authority figure (mother?), which ruined all her self-esteem to the point of not being able to accept herself at all, and in response to that, rather than change herself, she hopes to force others to accept her insane ways.
See how that last chapter fits perfectly? Ah, the wonders of projection… such a simple tool, so wonderfully useful.
You can fool people some of the time, and you can fool some people all the time, but you cannot fool all people all the time.
Your replies are going to be split between those that have had a relationship with someone with BPD and those that haven’t. As being one that has, I can totally relate to everything you have said. For all those out there that still have the chance, run. It sounds cold, but if you stay you will become a shell of what you once was. I applaud all those with BPD that recognize it and seek treatment, it is such a heart-wrenching disorder. For all you Nons, RUN!!! Your very existence is at stake.
You have absolutely no idea what your talking about. You’re pathetic.
You have absolutely no idea what your talking about. You’re pathetic.
I am in an releationship with someone who has bpd. She pulled her pants and underwear down in fron of me at school in the gym.
to all the girls that r saying its crual to call someone with bpd a monster its hard not to see someone as a monster after you have nearly killed yourself trying to help them and all they do is blame you for everything isolate your from your friends and family attack you lie u sex as a weapon accuse you of cheating ??? its hard not to be resentful I understand its not a choice but it still happened and the pain it caused is real I don’t think u understand how much it can ruin someones life
to all the girls that r saying its crual to call someone with bpd a monster its hard not to see someone as a monster after you have nearly killed yourself trying to help them and all they do is blame you for everything isolate your from your friends and family attack you lie u sex as a weapon accuse you of cheating ??? its hard not to be resentful I understand its not a choice but it still happened and the pain it caused is real I don’t think u understand how much it can ruin someones life
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Not everyone with BPD is the same. Although most girls with BPD don’t respond well to insensitive assholes which could explain why you’ve had bad experiences with them.
Wow. Just wow. I have BPD and I take serious offense to this article. Clearly you have absolutely no understanding of this disorder. We don’t CHOOSE to act the way we do. If we could, trust me we wouldn’t. And we’re capable of being amazing partners. Not everyone with borderline is the same. But one thing I do know is that UNDERSTANDING and VALIDATION makes our relationships a million times better. You, sir, clearly have neither. So I wouldn’t say “Don’t date girls with borderline.” I’d say “don’t date jerks who can’t be bothered to try and understand borderline.”
i’m completely devo’d after reading this. childhood abuse brought on my bpd and i have to suffer daily due to that mostly not understanding the world. i didnt realise people were also trying to avoid me as i will ruin them , thanks for letting me know what my future looks like though…
This article only tells half of the story with some borderline people. I was diagnosed with the disorder this year along with being a Dependent with some Histrionic features. Here’s what I am going to say about living with this condition:
It is hell. I can’t speak on the thoughts of others with BPD but they may have similar experiences. I constantly live in fear of rejection because I am not good enoug. This drives me to act out. Not in the typical way of cheating, but I tend to over-react and smother my partners through texts pretending to be genuinely concerned about their whereabouts, when I’m just concerned that they’re cheating (which comes from the long list of cheating non-bpd/ most likely narcissistic men I have dated). I went from an excellent student to a partial functioning version of my former self. I can admit have done manipulative things to keep someone around that I thought would leave but I realize that it wrong. I constantly fight with people I love and may in the moment forget all they have done for me; but I do have a conscience and I do feel remorse; this cycle of extreme anger, depression, and constant apologies piss them off but I do feel bad. I can be somewhat of a narcissist (which is why I pick a lot of those up to date), I have to have constant attention and I must be thought of as the best (which is why I cannot tolerate cheating!). I am not a cheater myself though, only out of fear of STDs. But when I don’t feel loved, I dress up for attention but do not accept any new suitors. I am in therapy and am realizing triggers and working through it. It has actually been over 5 months since I self-harmed. Just thought I would give some insight.
By the way, I have a great boyfriend who works with me and my disorder. Although he gets aggravated with me at times, he has been nothing but patient and is there supporting me through my recovery process. He has a mix of traits that helps the relationship to function. While he is understanding, very patient, and a good listener, he has as no bs attitude and will not hesitate to be honest with me. It is hard for me to swallow the truth without being angry and thinking he hates me at times, but I’m trying to be more tolerant of criticism to make changes to become better.
BPD men:
This topic didn’t discuss the men. They are just as difficult as the females. My ex, in my opinion, was an undiagnosed borderline. He had all the hallmark symptoms of BPD! It was a very toxic relationship because both of us were unhealthy (I have BPD). I loved him so much though. When he was in high spirits, he was a fun,outgoing, and great person to be around. But when he wasn’t everyone in his path needed to be careful. After he cheated on me, the relationship went downhill because, it fed into my fear of rejection and low self-esteem. Also, he was very callous about cheating on me and even had the girl call me to flaunt it in my face (which ended up with me committing myself to a hospital for a couple of hours out of fear that I’d self harm). For months afterward, he continued to call with apologies and promises that I knew he would break; so I ended it officially so I can get myself the help I needed to become better and with both of us having it, I knew that we wouldn’t work well together. The relationship was very volatile (verbal,physical, and emotional abuse), with both of us overreacting and handling feelings and emotions in a childish, callous manor.
Here is a real story of serial Cheater BPD women:
Her father left her and her mother and this has pushed her into passing all of her life seducing men to recover her self- esteem and to simultaneously avoid any commitment for long term due to her fear of abandonment later. As an example a married man who left his wife for her than she left him after one month marriage, she knew a poet for years with a roller coaster kind of relation without any outcome. It is the seduction game with the fear of commitment. They
usually target Narcissist people and people who are not available (married to a pretty wife, famous poet, etc.,.) this is due to 2 reasons: (1) that Narcissistic give them a sense of security and are glad to play the role of the “White Knight” coming for emotional rescue (2) Unavailable peoples means that there are low possibilities to have a long term commitment with them, something a BPD woman is afraid of cause it will ends the seduction game and can lead to abandonment if there is a commitment.
Wow this article is a piece of shit.
This is one of the most disgustingly written articles i’ve ever read. Truly a shocking and horrendous approach to mental illness and to women in general.
You obviously weren’t worthy of her.
You obviously were not worthy of her. Hopefully she will find a man who is strong enough to see past her BPD and see her for the beautiful soul that she is.
borderline girlz are just annoying. avoid them or murder first.
With luck of nature eliminating the weakest you’ll go soon.How dare you say that about women you misogynistic pig.Have you any clue about men with this illness.It’s not exclusive to women.Now go play in the traffic you uneducated child.
this is disgusting. the author should kill himself
This is so uneducated and immature.Get some professional training then try and educate people.You morons post this hate shit and have caused several people damage to the point of suicide.Kicking a person when they are weak is weak.I hope you suffer one day.
Um…what’s wrong with you? How would you like to be judged and painted with a big black brush for something you can’t control? Yes I have Borderline and I’ve been working my butt off for the past two years to overcome it. Life is hard enough without having to knock down pre-conceived judgements about me based on a diagnosis that most people can’t even begin to understand. So how about next time you have a bad dating experience you don’t start putting lies out there that make thousands of lives even harder than they already are?
what a load of crap.
There is a lot of stuff in this article that is true of those with BPD (and whilst I’m guessing this is a male dominated site, BPD suffers can be male too!) but sadly it is covered up by the bile of bitterness and anger that leads me to assume you probably dated her for longer than you imply, seeing as you know “so” much about BPD.
It is also worth noting that like with all aliments (mental or physical), no set of symptoms are entirely the same. So yeah, you may have that “crazy hot chick” calling you 70 times a day, but then you may have a girl who is too scared to call for fear of rejection. Additionally, a lot of BPD sufferers that I know only react to a trigger – some of those triggers can be misinterpreted or perceived wrongly, but on a lot of occasions, those triggers are real which provokes the fight or flight instinct that keeps us alive on a daily basis. So, perhaps instead of saying all BPD women act out of whimsical, manipulative needs that center around themselves, it would be prudent to suggest that yes, BPD does contain an element of selfishness (which we are all accustomed to) but that also, a lot of reactions found in BPD women and men are on the basis of real emotions or threats.
Lastly – these women and men do not choose to have BPD. They didn’t tick a box on birth that told them their entire lives would be one melting shitpot with no stability or growth. Nobody asks for that. Environmental, social and genetic factors play a part here – and each time these women and men are made to feel they are a problem in society then it exacerbates the notion in the heads of many who simply cannot deal with this negative portrayal. Instead of making yourselves look like victims even if you are, it would be better to accept that sufferers from BPD are victims too – and perhaps, if you are brave enough, help them get help. BPD is curable – a lot of people don’t realise they have it, therefore how are they supposed to unravel the mess that makes up their identity?
the problem is most normal people do not understand the dysfunctional behavior of bpd.the stigma surrounding it and our poor mental Heath care system just makes the situation worse
What a piece of misogynist crap! Black Knight wants to stop being such a stigmatising turd. It’s obvious that he is just upset that no woman wants to know him.
I have borderline personality disorder and this article makes me feel like an asshole. It’s not my fault bad things happened to me when I was a child/teen. But it’s not like I purposely act the way I do to make a scene. It’s like when you’re pissed you need to hit something or scream. We don’t have that capability to do that, we just explode and whoever is within distance ends up getting hit(not physically.) it’s not our fault, and a lot of us do try and get help! I’ve been in a relationship for 7 years, and it’s taken time but he’s there for me, and I tell him how much I appreciate him all the time. I know it’s hard living with me, try being me.
Bpd is hard but that doesn’t give you the right to take the madness on others. Most bpd’s don’t get help even though they know something is wrong. Stop blaming others and take responsibility like grown ups do.
Speaking from experience this article is spot on.
I actually just got out of a 10 year relationship including four years of marriage to a woman who I have since come to believe is BPD. When we met we were 18 and she would tell me stories about how awful her family was, and how awful her exboyfriends were and how they had all cheated on her. She told me that her dad would beat her, and everyone was so mean to her, etc.
And she told me how I was so special, and made me feel like her hero, like I was saving her from her awful life. She told me things like I restored her faith in men, etc. I was sooooo stupid to fall for this… She was sexually very intense and I was young and fell for her hard. But her problems never really went away even when she moved. It was always something new. Mysterious medical problems surfaced that doctors couldn’t diagnose (phantom stomach pain late at night and her wanting me to drop everything to take care of her), and these became issues. Then she pushed really hard for me to marry her at 23, threatening to leave me if I didn’t, so I did.
Our marriage had a few good moments, but a lot of her finding fault in me, and going crazy during fights to where she would threaten suicide or try to stab me with scissors, finally ending in her wanting a divorce. After the fact I found out she had been cheating on me throughout our relationship with the exboyfriend who she had told me was such a dirtbag. Then to cover for herself she told everyone that I was abusive and crazy, locked me out of the apartment and called the police when I showed up asking for my stuff. The end.
Your a fucking ass hole bpd is a serious disorder that affects many people not just women. And like honestly do some research about a disorder before you bash against it. You just sound like a loser with nothing better to do but pick on a extremely venerable person who is going through a deep suffering with in. I’m sick of all these ass hole making fun of mental disorders and making so many people ashamed to have one. I have a mental disorder and its residuals that I have to feel embarrassed about something I was born with. Yes that’s right ass hole people are born or develople these “crazy” traits at a very young age. So grow up.
Your a fucking ass hole bpd is a serious disorder that affects many people not just women. And like honestly do some research about a disorder before you bash against it. You just sound like a loser with nothing better to do but pick on a extremely venerable person who is going through a deep suffering with in. I’m sick of all these ass hole making fun of mental disorders and making so many people ashamed to have one. I have a mental disorder and its residuals that I have to feel embarrassed about something I was born with. Yes that’s right ass hole people are born or develople these “crazy” traits at a very young age. So grow up.
borderline or not, were still people. in fact, with the cruelty and insensitivity of this blog i would be so bold as to suggest that you too had some mental health issues/character flaws, lack of compassion and understanding being the primary ones.
lol
the best way to describe borderline women is imagine a woman and she’s like a TV and something in her brain is randomly picking the channel. one minute she’s on a love story but without warning someone switches her brain to a mob hit. then 2 seconds later, she’s on CSI crime drama. that will be your life and you don’t own the remote. been there, done that. never want to repeat it.
Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is the answer for people suffering from this disorder. You need to find someone well versed in this therapy, and a support group of other BPD sufferers to give the individual perspective and help them to realize they are not alone in their view of reality and emotional roller-coasters. The issue is that most high-functioning BPDs will avoid treatment at all costs “It conflicts with my schedule” “I can’t afford it” “I didn’t like the therapist, I can tell they were judging me” to fall back to their standard coping strategies (drugs, alcohol, food, self-injury, scapegoating, high-risk behavior ie. unprotected sex, etc.) even after they understand their basis of their disorder and convince others around them they want legitimate help…best thing to do is to take a hard stance “if you don’t go to treatment, I’ll no longer be capable of handling the emotional stress involved with supporting you.” A BPDs fear of abandonment is stronger than all other feelings they encounter, so if they truly believe you’ll walk, they will begrudgingly attempt to change their engrained patterns of behavior.
Nailed it
Sometimes it’s not the female with BPD that’s the problem. It’s the male. And how would you feel if people said the same thing about you and that nobody should be around you or love you or try to work with you. I am BPD, PTSD, SAD (social anxiety disorder) in a relationship with a guy who is OCD and IED. Neither of us is perfect and I agree some girls use it as an excuse but others are willing to work on it. We deserve the exact same as any one of you do.
Lulz at all the BPD crazies coming out the woodwork, insisting that they’re people, too. The common wisdom of the Manosphere is that you never, ever listen to a woman, but instead listen to a man who got lots of women. This goes double for BPD. Never listen to a BPD “Sufferer”, only listen to the men who dated them. Oh, and there is a common thread. Every man that dated a BPD chick had their lives nearly, or utterly ruined.
I have BPD. I really struggle in relationships with my fear of being abandoned and rejected due to going through immense abuse and neglect as a child. I have never accused any boyfriend of anything nor hit him?! Instead I get upset easily and am very sensitive to hurt and need loving support not abandonment like you are encouraging men with a BPD gf to do. The pictures you’re painting of us BPD girls is disgusting. You should be ashamed.
yikes. if you’re that worried about whether or not a girl is going to claim rape, you probably should just not have sex with her….
How sad is it that you can do your little research about BPD, but still have no clue what they go through. Maybe, instead of looking so much on what she did, try thinking what you did. Be a good writer, and do two points of view.
Stop materializing women, “black knight”, maybe there IS a reason why you still go to “venues” to look for women.
I’ve been with a womanchild with bpd for over 10 years (9.8 of them i wake up wishing I should leave her) and her disorder has become my disorder. With every step forward theres two steps back, to the point where neither of us have a life. She was sexually abused by multiple members of her family (male & female) and abused others herself as a child. Every male she has ever known has been a failure, so no prizes for what she thinks of me! I have learned all of this piece by piece over the years, at times when her guard is down. I blame myself for staying with her because at the beginning I did feel sorry that she had endured such a dysfunctional life and believed that by showing her a positive influence she would balance out. Wrong. I only began researching BPD in reference to her a couple of years ago and that was by accident. She was concerned about heavy menstruation so had a blood test done at the doctors. The results were noncomittal but did indicate how her prolactin hormone levels were too high. I found there is a correlation between high prolactin and low cortisol (the fight or flight hormone). It seems that traumatic abuse experienced at a young age can disregulate a person’s hormonal responses to the point where a spider on the ceiling can seem like a roaring lion. Add to that all the clandestine behaviour she has witnessed and hithero mimicked and what you have is a guilt ridden person who employs lies and deceit to cover up their harmful ways. Before I met her, she even made up false allegations of sexual abuse against her step-father which resulted in him being exiled from the family and refused access to his only child, a boy with severe mental & physical disabilities. I hope this illustrates just how stupid ‘in denial’ sufferers of BPD can be.
” This is an especially dangerous combination because attractive girls,
no matter how crazy, are essentially allowed to get away with anything
in our society. These girls will be incredible manipulators and will
turn people against you, since there is never a shortage of white
knights ready to assuage a pretty girl’s perceived distress.”
I won’t give a spiel about my experiences or the tons of info out there about these BPDs. But I’ll send out a message to those under the belief that they can ‘handle ‘ these chicks, or think that they’re sociopathic/narcissistic enough to deal with them:
Nothing you can do can curtail the unhallowed blizzard of fecal matter that will whisk your way when you get involved with a BPD. I’ll break down what they do to every sort of personality type:
Real alphas: they try to make betas. They will exhibit crazy obesession over you, until they resent you. They will then convince everyone (using your aloofness as proof) that you were a cruel, crazy bullying cold jerk.
Wannabe Alphas: the BPD will charm these into caring about them, by appearing confident and in control while wild in bed. When you’re in love, they will suck several genitals behind your back and go cold on you. Any attempt to re-engage with her will be greeted with hot/cold behaviour, while she makes you out to be obsessed with her to her friends. She’ll re-engage with you to test the waters, and even text you daily without prompting. But as soon as you return the interest, she’ll flake.
Betas: easy prey. They will shower these with love and boost their egos to the extent that betas’ll start believing that they are actually Alpha. Then she will do as above, and keep the beta around with hot/cold tricks. Professing that she is confused; that she loves him, but doesn’t know what to do, etc. Or will convince him that HE is the one who is hot/cold, or mean to her. All of these are lies, in order to keep him around as a prospect. Some of these commit suicide.
Omegas: they hate omegas, but pretend to be their best friends in order to use, extract, and manipulate them into handing over resources. These get friendzoned super quick and laughed at behind the back.
Narcissists/sociopaths: they are strongly attracted to this type. But don’t be conned, it is only because they need someone to launch their victimhood off. They use relationships with Narcs/Socios as a launching pad of “look how bad my BF treats me!” and “he hits me!” BS so they can collect even more orbiters and trick prospective Alphas into feeling sorry for them and sleeping/rescuing with them.
A few socios/narcs have landed jail time via a BPDs lies about domestic abuse and rape. No doubt a few Betas have tried to kill other men over a victim-feigning BPD’s lies. They love to destroy those who care about them, as well as those who do not. They get off on destruction, then cry about it. Then do it all over again.
In all instances, DOCUMENT OR AVOID them. They have no true sense of self; they are empty, manipulative vessels of sex. Damaged goods beyond all repair. It’s not a joke.
Ignorant ignorant pos.
I’m sorry to tell you, but all of it is dead-nutz accurate.
You are such a dick. You have no idea what you are talking about.
Dated a girl who was eventually diagnosed with Borderline. Ended up being one of the worst experiences in my life and she destroyed my sense of self-confidence and basically led me to being suicidal.
Had she been a man, she would have been called an abuser for what she put me through.
After she had sucked my soul dry and I had nothing left to give, she moved on to someone else a few months later and married him. Good fucking luck man, you’re gonna need it.
Its almost as if i wrote this.
Did you remember to warn the guys about beautiful women who transform into witches when cloaked in shadow and steal men’s testicles? Watch out!
I’d be offended by this article if it wasn’t so hilariously sexist. How many women with BPD have you met? (*whisper* Men have it too!) Not all of them are as hideous as you make them out to be, dear. It occurs in a spectrum, for one; for two, people are not their disorders. Someone can be a total bitch without BPD; another person can be warm-hearted and ambitious but suffer BPD thought patterns.
It was probably in your best interest to avoid the woman you wrote about. However, I can’t help but suspect that you used your disdain for women to make the situation sound worse than it actually was. It probably also colors your paranoid, misogyist worldview, which makes great fodder for me, so thanks for the lulz, bro.
Man, I wish I had seen this page and its comments mooooonths ago. I’m coming from a similar yet slightly different direction. I’m a female who had my life tormented by a friend (female) of mine. The similar accounts and their uncanny descriptions of said “life wreckers” were spot on, so much so, I had to remind myself to pick my jaw up off of the floor several times. Unfortunately the former friend is convinced she is not ill, nothing is her fault and it’s everyone else’s problem. That is obviously a current theme. I tried to have compassion for her, tried to help, but my attempts were always thrown back in my face and always served up with an extra helping of uber sharp razorblades (figuratively). The biggest flag for me should have been the absence of friends, she had a plethora of photographs everywhere of herself and different girls smiling and having a good time, but none of them, for very obscure unknown reasons, were around. She only socialized with men, yet another flag. My DEFCON alert system tried to kick in, I felt the Code Yellow slowly move into Orange, and then, I overrode the system and said hey, she appears really lonely, hey, everyone needs a friend. Needless to say I was oblivious to the web being woven in around me and the meal that was soon to be had, a brief glimpse of the menu included: manipulation, calculation, verbal abuse (privately and publically), physical attacks, multiple suicide attempts if I tried to leave after said attacks, slandering me to professional contacts and other friends, friends that she made by knowing me and then tried to use them to alienate me, didn’t work thankfully, well, you get the idea. My liberty began when I went ice cold. I woke up one day and said “enough”, there’s nothing I can do to help someone that won’t help themselves and I cut her out like a surgeon, with my friends behind me, they aided in that extraction and also cut their ties so she couldn’t try to inflict hurt through them, as she had attempted to do many times. She thrashed, raged, foamed at the mouth, stalked me, digitally harassed me and when nothing would give her an ounce of attention, she finally gave up, 6 months later. BPD sufferer’s in denial out there, please get some flipping help or it’s going to be a lonely one-lane road to crazy-town, population 1. Thanks for listening…Angela
It affects 6% or more of the population, actually. It’s suspected to be just as prevalent in men as women, however men are less likely to seek help and it often goes unreported. I get that you had a bad experience, but your generalizations are why there’s still so much stigma against a highly treatable disorder. I think it’s people who aren’t well-adjusted themselves, and don’t have big hearts who shouldn’t date us. Rape accusations? Stalking? Are you getting your information from Hollywood? It’s true that we are sometimes capable of strange, even frightening mannerisms, but we’re also capable of love greater than you will ever know, with your closed mind.
Wow!… hahaha I must say this is one of the funniest articles I have ever read. I read the title and had to continue reading just to see what the author would say about someone like me. I have to admit I have done my share of crazy, even some mentioned above, however this is a very simple minded screwed up version of what happens. The author is clearly a ignorant rambling selfish jerk. Just my opinion of course. I’m glad he left the bpd chick alone. If he would have stayed, then he would have just contributed to the chaos which her life was in. He obviously does not have the strength, compassion or patience to be in a relationship with a bpd partner. It’s not for everyone. Yes most (not all) lie, get easily upset and sometimes lose control, but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved or that it can’t work. We are human beings with a complicated mindset and most likely a horrible past. We go through emotions like everyone else, we just haven’t learned to deal with them like an adult would. We do have good qualities as well, like crazy wild sex!!! Bottom line is life with us is roller coaster. Just like any relationship with a partner with a mental disorder. If you can’t handle, it fine, but don’t go around making all of us seem like demonic women.
My BPD only hurts me. Self injury type behaviors are much more prevalent than attacks on others. My ex cheated, I walked in on it. We are still friends to this day. I never as much as slashed his tire but my left arm will never not have the scars of that discovery. We are more likely to slit out own throats than yours. You seem like a man jolted. You reek of it actually. Glad you found an excuse for why things aren’t working out for you. Maybe turn some of that judgment upon yourself and stop blaming the mentally ill.
Same happened to me. Walked in on it. You either have really good help or have learned a lot of self control. I didn’t really understand- you mean to say you injured your arm, right? I’m sorry you went through that. PLEASE help me understand how you didn’t freak out on him and have stayed friends. Did this incident end the relationship? Sorry; I’m not trying to be nosy- I knocked over a large mirror, punched the wall, but really wanted to beat them both. However, it happened 2 years ago and I STILL get to that crazy point when I think about it. Still can’t trust, symptoms come out, etc.
Borderlines better straighten the fuck up and get control. you are giving us all bad reputations. not everyone is that bad
I can only suggest in the strongest possible terms if you get into a relationship with a BPD woman, no matter how hot the sex is, just run as fast as you can and don’t look back. It literally can destroy you and I ended up in hospital with a suspected heart attack. After 4 years of craziness I told her I was leaving her and she begged me not to and when I made it clear there was no going back, she turned on me like I was the devil re-incarnate. And never make the mistake I made of having a child, as that child is destined for a life of misery. The poor little thing is not at school yet and makes up his own secret language to express his need for contact and affection for his father as she admonishes him if he wants to spend time with his father.
I have had to defend numerous domestic violence applications until the police got so sick of her they told me at parental exchanges not to say anything to her at all. Eventually I insisted on a trial and the courts threw out her applications in less than ten minutes and the Judge shouted at her and told her to stop bringing applications for domestic violence. She even used the little toddler to serve the papers on me.
The court recommendation is that the child should be taken away from her and and given to me as main carer and of course she has now gone into full BPD over-
drive, as she has to”win”. She is so incredibly obsessed with money and is a pathological liar that by the time we do our property settlement there will be nothing left from several million dollars as the court system and cost is a complete joke.
Fortunately for me I did two things right, i went to see a Psychologist myself who was able to help me understand the “craziness” and how a BPD brain is wired differently to the norm, and I got into a relationship with a wonderful woman who is supporting me through all this. She is polar opposite, generous to a “T” and asks for nothing in return.
The bottom line is that bpd is a spectrum. To the man that is married to a bpd, you are diminishing how bad it can be as if your man enough to deal with it. More likely your wife is not as bad as my ex gf. Take each person on their own merit. It will be obvious if you are dealing with the type if bpd mentioned in the article. My ex wasn’t that bad but did hold a lot of those traits. She even admitted she was probably incapable of being with someone. It’s more that you have to deal with the issues a severe bpd has rather than her getting better.
I have BPD and guess who else knows this? Aside from all of you shallow players here, now. Nearly every guy I’ve ever dated because I told them 2 or 3 dates in. Yes I was…easily sexual in my past. Now, not so much. It must be earned, then I’m wild and adventurous. That aside. I don’t say love fast or often, I’ve grown cautious. I’m not intentionally manipulative. Does it happen? Maybe when I’m not paying attention to my actions. I have been raped and abused, actually. One of the possible causes for BPD is, in fact, trauma. Ooh, and know what you said about proof of not being raped? I got proof that he had. It goes both ways. I am not my condition, I merely have one. Not every girl fits your definition. And, by the by, guys can have BPD as well. I may have dated one. And I didn’t judge him for it. If you meet a borderline girl who is aware and in control of her actions, it can be quite rewarding.
I sincerely hope that nobody takes your uninformed post seriously. Yes, being in a relationship with someone with BPD can be sressful. It can even require therapy for the non-BPD to prevent further stress or PTSD. In some cases, unfortunately the relationship WILL have to end for the health of both parties. However, your mentions of “manipulation” make it seem as if the one with BPD intends to manipulate. They do not. Under that is a lot of pain, internal suffering, fear of abandonment, and an inability to regulate emotion. Your suggestion that anyone suffering from BPD is not worthy of love or a chance at intimate relationships makes me sick. Often, symptoms come out during close/ intimate relationships, and this could be a catalyst for the BPD to seek help if they are not already. If someone is posibly BPD or showing such extreme signs, and they continually refuse to seek help, then yes, I would say it may be time to end the relationship. But flat-out suggesting they are not worth a chance is wrong, immature, and lacks empathy. If you want an “easy” relationship, good luck. You will never truly be close with anyone.
I find the author of this article absolutely mean and heartless. I suffer from BPD & I am a female. I don’t go around doing half the shit you’re accusing “US” as a whole (females with BPD) do. I find this rather offensive because I actually have a loving and caring FIANCE who actually took the time and effort to learn about my illnesses. He manages my mood swings fairly well. He honestly is the only one to actually care about what I have. Unlike the rest, like the author want to leave us alone to die. Fuck you.
Reading this article makes me completely and utterly sad. I have BPD and we are not these evil people the article portrays us to be. Yes we are hard to deal with, however it is not intentional or meant to hurt our partner. We are terrified of being abandoned regardless of it being real or perceived. I have never cheated on my ex, we are not sex crazed nymphs. We are professionals, mothers, wife’s, daughters and loving. The girl the author does not appear bi-polar. Typically, we don’t display those behaviors on a first date. My fiancé told me I am the best woman he ever had. With therapy and medication things can change. Please don’t be so quick to judge and generalize.
This artical simply state my one year relation with a bpd the bitch was so crazy , the problem here am so vigilant , I found out later that after I borke up with her she asked her ex bf to simply beat me ass these woman are very evil and make others think you are the bad guy and they act innocent big red flag thanks for the very helpful article ..
I want to hurt whoever wrote this and blame it entirely on my bpd rage. Stupid idiot. I hope bpd or a similar illness comes and bites you on your ass it ruins the rest of your life. Karma will get you. Narrow minded, stigmatised, and entirely wrong. Go away now.
This is so terribly sad. An article written by someone obviously hurt By The Shortcomings Of Another. ..generalized and abusive but written im sure out of pain. Wheat I find disgusting is the comments that follow. Even some comments made by fellow sufferers of BPD…
This is a disorder and believe me, not by choice. It’s horrible. I think there skalsoay be some confusion. .. if two percent of people (men and women) have BPD, how can we assume every crazy ex had it? Perhaps dime of these people are just assholes.
The rape comments are by far the worst though. 6 months ago I was sexually assaulted by a man I trusted and cared deeply for. Maybe it want intentional. Maybe he didnt notice that I was unconscious from drinking way too much because im not a drinker. Maybe he didnt notice that I was screaming and crying add I came to.. As he shoved my face into the pillow and tore me open so badly that I bleed for days. Maybe it never happened. Maybe I dreamt it. Either way, I never reported him. Because of people like you. The fear of people like you thinking im exaggerating or just nuts. Next time you want to belittle a possible victim of sexual abbuse.. know that your mother, your wife or your sister has probably been raped. She just never told anyone. Because of men like you. The idea of being called a liar was worse than suffering in silence. We are not your damn sex toys.
And mental disorders arent choices. They don’t make us the devil either. Guarantee. . We are so very flawed, but our pain is very real. And we love just as deeply if not more than we anger. So you know whaaaaaat usually triggers a BPD outburst? Being devalued and abused. Take a look in the mirror wont you? We’re not dancing alone.
Its understandable not to desire to date anyone with baggage or complications. It’s not aacceptable to be abusive. Everyone suffers.
i have bpd and i am so angry with this article. do u think we ask to b like this ???? and no we do not all cry rape and stalk ppl !!!!! u dont see articles like this for girls with bi polar ! this is stigma at its worst. u should b ashamed of yourself !!!its a fuckin illness at the end of the day !!!
boys have borderline personality disorder aswell you know, lol.
People like this author are exactly those who makes bpd suffering ones look like some monsters. First of all, bpd is mainly about inner pain and desperation than about hurting others, there is a lot of disorders affecting others than bpd (such as NPD, APD and so on). And second, one single experience with a highly disturbed girl (probably having more personal problems than bpd) doesn’t make anyone an bpd expert authorized to warn others. This bad stigmatization makes bpd people feel even worse and rule out understanding of the real “nature” of this ilness to their friends and other people. Shame on you..
As a woman diagnosed with bpd I am appalled at this guys total ignorance of the condition and his lack of respect for the ex girlfriend. Sorry but publicly slagging someone off just because you have no true awareness of bpd is just wrong.
Are you kidding me? Rape accusations? Destroy property? I’m sorry, but how many girls with BPD have you actually dated? How positive are you that this girl was even diagnosed with BPD? I have BPD, coupled with Bipolar Disorder and none of this crap is true to say about me. So, please explain to me how you were able to get all of this (false) information from one date with a girl, who may or may not have BPD. I’ve been in a relationship for over 2 years with my boyfriend and although we have had our issues none of them included me stalking him, destroying his property, emotionally manipulating him, nor falsely accusing him of rape. Let me give you a bit of information you so clearly left out, most people with BPD have been susceptible to childhood trauma, which could include rape (such is my case) and I doubt they would honestly stoop so low as to accuse any one of this because they know what it’s like and how it affects everyone closest to both them and the person being accused of it. So you can take this article and shove it up your misogynistic ass. Men like you are the reason why there’s such a stigma on girls with mental illnesses.
This is probably the most shallow article I have ever had the displeasure of reading.
Yes, people with BPD have issues, just as every person on this planet does.
I have BPD. I’m in therapy for it. I’ve never lied to a boyfriend. I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend, despite being cheated on. That goes against my personal values.
I’ve dated men with depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, the list goes on and on. And I accepted their flaws. And I loved them deeply. And they accepted mine and loved me as well.
That’s what love is. Accepting a person completely, and being willing to help them out when they’re in a rough spot.
BPD is a crippling disorder, yes. There are times when I want to curl up and have someone hold me. There are times I am depressed. There are times when I get angry. But because of my PERSONALITY I keep these things to myself. I never lash out. I never take advantage of anyone what-so-ever. I may have Borderline, but I still have a heart. And reading about men who gather every bad woman in their life who happened to have the same disorder into a pool of “DO NOT TOUCH” honestly confuses me. Because not all women with BPD are “bad”, each one is her own person.
I mean, if I were like you, I’d hate all men because a handful cheated on me. But I luckily have the intellect to know everyone is different.
so i guess because i’m a guy with BPD that girls aren’t supposed to date me?
not only women have BPD, though primarily its more common in women, guys can and do suffer from this affliction as well. everyone has their problems whether it’s
porn addiction, gambling, over eating ,alcoholism , narcisim and more. nobody is perfect and none of us asked to be this way, i have ruined plenty of relationships with my mood swings & fear of abandonment issues, that doesn’t make me any less of a person, at the end of the day we just want to be loved just like anyone else, we may not go about it the best way but you know what, sh*t happens
Ok this has gone to far..your real quick to put other people shit out on blast..just because they have problems doesn’t make them a bad person..it is as if they have cancer or heart problems did they ask to be made that way hell no they didn’t..did you ask to be the arrogant asswhole that you are no you didn’t you was made that way..put your problems out here as you politely put others out and see how people judges you…I’ve seen first hand what this can do to someone..that person happens to be my best friend..I’ve seen her at her highest and I’ve seen her at her lowest and it’s not something to just over look..bye know
TL;DR- writer is an immature douche who clearly is bitter over having heart broken by someone too complicated by environmental damage for him to understand. Go date a sheep, peasant.
This article is complete crap, told from a selfish and narcissistic point of view. Borderline personality disorder is a wide spectrum–it ranges from having black outs to behaving like how normal people would react when they are upset. The thing that you don’t understand is that it could be genetic but also environmental. A person with BPD may have experienced trauma as a child or a series of traumatic events growing up. I have BPD and I have been told that I am a loyal friend, generous, loving and patient. The problem with having it is that I am constantly reminded of pain from my past–a lot of the “adolescent behaviour” you so cruelly referred to as, is a person struggling to overcome past pain that is not resolved. Unfortunately not everyone grows up in healthy, loving family environments and a lot of the times people with BPD have been invalidated their whole lives. Imagine being told growing up as a child that whatever you are feeling, whatever emotions cross your mind are wrong. Your article stigmatizes mental health without bothering to understand it first. You are also extremely sexist and if it is your goal in life to use as much women as you possibly can, then you are revealing how much of an immature knob you really are!
I have BPD and don’t hide the fact. I always tell people I met and hang out with, and I am not ashamed. Mike, do you have disorders or are you perfect?