Say what you will about the Los Angeles Lakers, there’s no denying that they’re one of the great American sports franchises, with a storied past and a long tradition of winning. Many of the greatest players in the history of professional basketball have donned the Laker purple and gold, and its 16 titles is only one short of their hated rivals—the Boston Celtics—for most in NBA history. Since the 1960s, the Lakers have been a perennial presence in the playoffs, with each succeeding “dynasty” adding its own set of trophies to the pile.
The franchise’s list of accomplishments, hall-of-fame rosters, and legendary coaches is too long to do justice to in a single post. Even their longtime announcer, the late, great Chick Hearn, is universally regarded as the greatest announcer in basketball—if not sports—history, coining the very lexicon of the sport, from “slam dunk” to “alley-oop” to “air ball.” He was so good at calling games, real-time, that it was often said there wasn’t much difference between watching the game on television and just listening to it on the radio.
Much of this success came during the era of Dr. Jerry Buss—a successful real-estate investor who bought the team in the 1970s. Buss was a fan’s owner. While day-to-day operations belonged to his General Manager (the iconic Jerry West for much of that time and, after 2000, West’s adept protégé Mitch Kupchak), Buss was known to be an active owner who got involved in major roster decisions. And he put his money where his high expectations were. The team not only drafted and refined young talent, it repeatedly lured high-profile free agents to Tinseltown with record-breaking contracts.
But, beyond paying out the requisite paychecks, the team never had to resort to elaborate stunts or begging to entice top-shelf talent. The winning tradition, the ready-to-win rosters, and the many lures of sunny Southern California were more than enough.
Things have changed. Up to the end of his life at the beginning of 2013, Jerry Buss had incrementally ceded control of the family business to his son, the decidedly less capable (and reportedly more mercurial) Jim Buss. During this era, the Lakers had reassembled an impressive team around Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol, with whom they had won two more championships. Shaquille O’Neal had, famously, departed after a tumultuous relationship and power struggle with Bryant in 2004. (It’s also considered likely that O’Neal was traded for shouting “Pay me!” to Jerry Buss, who was sitting in the stands, during an exhibition game—in a crass reference to their on-going contract negotiations.)
Last season, the Lakers offered up a supremely lackluster performance—barely making the playoffs and being swept in the first round—despite the additions of superstars Dwight Howard and Steve Nash to their already talented squad.
Dwight Howard, who was traded to Los Angeles from the Orlando Magic (a trade he requested), was eligible for free agency after his season. The Lakers had surrendered a top-notch prospect for Howard, and knew the risks of only having Howard locked down for a year going in. After a disappointing year—one in which Howard was publicly taken to task by Kobe Bryant and Laker fans for his disappointing individual performance—he announced that would entertain free-agent offers from several other franchises. Howard’s multi-city tour started this week. Needless to say, the Lakers, who would stand to get nothing for him if he were to leave, are highly motivated to do whatever’s necessary to keep him. This is especially the case since last season was tainted by a series of injuries (including Howard’s) and a major coaching change—developments that prevented the team from performing to its full potential.
You’d think the team would have confined its overtures to Howard to the sorts of closed-door negotiations and personnel reconfigurations that have taken place behind the scenes for decades. Blue-chip players have options and, whatever your team’s merits may be, other teams have offerings as well–so some give-and-take is to be expected. But, instead of that time-honored tradition, the Jim Buss-Era Lakers have resorted to good old-fashioned supplication. In a (very public) public-relations blitz, which includes a series of self-abasing billboards around Los Angeles, the Lakers have decided to flatly beg Howard to remain in Los Angeles. Reminiscent of the 90s hit by proto-hipster Lisa Loeb by the same title, the billboards plainly implore Howard to “stay.”
What’s more, the Lakers have recruited other players in their supplication campaign. Kobe Bryant will reportedly attend the “pitch meeting” with Howard (the Lakers have been granted the privilege of presenting to Howard last), where some are speculating he will bring one of his championship rings for a tantalizing show-and-tell. Steve Nash—a shoo-in for the Hall of Fame—condescended himself, and his own career accomplishments, to tweet this:
I always tell guys that “life is game and game is life.” In other words, the basic principles of game apply not just to picking up girls, but to everything—from dealing with your boss in your shitty office job to running a billion-dollar basketball team. Begging a girl to stay, as all of us know, is a sure-fire way to make her do the exact opposite.
And, like a heart-broken chump standing at a girl’s doorstep with a wilting bouquet of flowers in the rain–while she’s inside fielding offers from other guys– the Lakers are likely to meet the same, predictable fate.
Read More: Super Bowl Commercials Aren’t Sexist
Plus when your best is pretty much a basketball harlot who loves the blame game…it’s not surprising the father figure gets fed up and leaves.
Do you mean Phil Jackson?
Yup.
Wait, you mean Phil as the father figure, right?
If the Lakers are smart, they’ll let this fucking guy walk and be somebody else’s over entitled-headache. I hope Dwight doesn’t come to Dallas. In Dallas, this fast food restaurant called Caine’s Chicken Strips has a giant billboard to. The billboard says that Dwight Howard will get free chicken strips for life if he comes to the Mavs. I guess that means that Dwight Howard will be alive for 1 year, because that’s probably how long he’ll stay with the Mavericks.
It’s also considered likely that O’Neal was traded for shouting “Pay
me!” to Jerry Buss, who was sitting in the stands, during an exhibition
game—in a crass reference to their on-going contract negotiations.
That’s only part of the truth of the matter. Look, everyone knows what a force Shaquille O’neal was in the NBA when in his prime. Hell, the NBA changed the rules because of playoff encounters with Shaq and Don Nelson’s tactics of putting Shaq on the free throw line. Don was one of the first coaches to simply foul Shaq anytime the ball was in play, to put him on the free throw line and expect that he would miss at least 1. So yes, Shaq was very very good, when he was healthy.
The problem was, Shaq was *NEVER* healthy. He was a lazy fatso for most of his career. The man could have literally been more dominant than Wilt Chaimberlain if he had been as diligent in keeping up his body as Karl Malone was, and as dedicated to his skillset as Kobe is. Shaq got into shape for his first major championship run in L.A., and it was downhill from there. The next season, he showed up to training camp entirely out of shape, and wasn’t really at starting shape when the season started. The next season, he didn’t even start the season on time because he was so out-of-shape. His weight was getting bigger each year, and this only increased the wear-and-tear on his feet/toes, which were becoming a problem.
Jerry Buss is no idiot. He and his entire staff could see the signs. Shaq was non-serious about his craft, and it was affecting his ability to lead the Lakers as a dominant center. When Shaq’s contract negotiations came up just before that last season, Shaq demanded the maximum contract. Jerry Buss balked at this, and counter-offered with a one-year contract in which Shaq would be making essentially the maximum for one year, but on which much of his future earnings with the Lakers would depend on his physical conditioning, his shape. Shaq went into essentially a tizzy fit, rejecting that counter offer in what can only be described as an insane amount of childishness. Only later did he yell at Buss from the floor to “Pay Me!” The bottom line… Shaq was an immature idiot who thought the world owed him a living. The Lakers were correct to trade him, he was damaged goods. Please note that while Shaq does have one more ring on his finger after the Lakers, he wasn’t the leader of that team. Dwayne Wade led that Miami team to the victory, Shaq was an also-ran by that point.
I expect that some day, Shaq will realize how stupid he was to take his career for granted so. Never before him was there a man so large, and so agile when he was in shape. If video still exists, go find vids of Shaq’s post moves in 1999 and 2000, he was faster than Tim Duncan, while being stronger and heavier. The man was literally, physically unstoppable near the basket.
“The man could have literally been more dominant than Wilt Chaimberlain
if he had been as diligent in keeping up his body as Karl Malone was,
and as dedicated to his skillset as Kobe is”
Proof by assertion.
Wilt was as imposing as Shaq with better moves. Maybe Shaq would have similar numbers back in the day, but Wilt would also have similar numbers in the modern day.
Shaq’s accomplishments til then were irrelevant. Excellent teams have formulas for paying talent and they stick to them. They don’t get awestruck by past performance; they judge what’s left in the tank and what it’s worth, and not a penny more. Rings and trophies are great for jersey-retiring ceremonies. Most championship-winning GMs wake up the day after the big game and are out scouting again because it’s always about next year. Yes, ticket sales are a factor but the best sports owners are willing to lose money on a ring, and can afford it.
Clearly the Lakers have Oneitis for Howard, which they did not have for O’Neal after ’05. O’Neal made magic with the Lakers but the bloom came off the rose. It is a marked difference in strategy.
Wilt was as imposing as Shaq IN HIS DAY. In Wilts time, he was playing against people 6’9″ trying to guard him for an entire game. It’s easy to have nice moves against defenders who are undersized for you. Shaq could have done what Wilt did against people his own height.
Shaq at his best was far slower,less agile,weaker(yes,physically weaker), far far less skilled and with vastly inferior cardio than Wilt,by miles.People who repeat the myths about Wilt playing only against 6.9 players are clearly talking out of their ass.Wilt is simply the greatest Basketball player in History(second is Bill Russel and Third Jordan).
Shaq is good but never that good.If David Stern and the Refs did not give him a pass on all the traveling violations offensive elbows,and throwing his weight around, he would be ring-less.
Nevertheless, 3 back to back championships and….AND Shaq had 3 straight Finals MVP trophies. Meaning his effort while playing for the Lakers should not be marginalized. He was actually very solid for 330 lbs. The guy had plantar fasciitis, and toe problems the entire latter half of his career. Which he can’t help due mostly to his height. He never wears shoes now he is always in Isotoners.
Not marginalized, no, they were great accomplishments. But past success that was paid for grants no right to demand lavish future compensation for diminishing returns.
I sympathize with his toe problems as best I can. However they *were* exacerbated by his extra weight, and he spent a pittance of time dealing with this health problem outside of the season. When Kobe has knee problems, he pays absurd amounts and flies to Germany to get procedures done that are illegal in the U.S.. When Shaq had a toe problem, he maybe ate a few fewer popsicles over the summer. That was the difference, and under the circumstances I can’t blame Buss for trading him.
hahaha at the popcicles. Actually he did get toe surgery back in 2002. I was never a big fan of the Lakers. But I was very impressed with their run back then. It’s hard to say that..had Shaq lost weight; because he would have had to because of his frame, that he would have held more longevity at his peak in his career. Big dudes height wise go through hell with their joints, knees and feet. Kobe is a lightweight 205 for his height at 6’6-6’7. It’s still a viable case to make about his commitment. Yet Shaq may be simply a victim of his own genetics,
He did, you are correct. But at that point it was too little, too late. if I recall correctly, he also showed up to training camp in 2002 nearly morbidly obese from not taking surgery rehab seriously. The Lakers did not make the 2003 NBA finals.
Yep. You also just proved that Kobe could never do it on his own.
That’s a little unfair, since NBA championships are essentially won by superior interior defense, and a guard cannot be a major force in interior defense.
At least 3 of Jordans titles had a hall-of-famer defending the middle ground. Though to be honest, I can’t explain the other 3, superior coaching?
Actually, Shaq would disagree. He said so himself in a recent interview.
http://www.nba.com/2013/news/07/06/shaq-on-howard-move.ap/index.html?ls=iref:nbahpts
I thought the decision had more to do with the fact that Shaq and Kobe could not get along? If you had to choose between the two of them, it really was a no-brainer.
You read my mind. 16 time champs and they’re acting like the Charlotte Bobcats. Howard has already proven he’s not worth the trouble. Pathetic.
…whaaaaaatever. If you wanna talk about Beta-ness, lets talk about men who spend time obsessing over would-be felons paying a game as though it somehow has anything to do with anything.
“life is game and game is life.”
Tattoo this to your brain.
If you can find an example of supplication when you are in a position of power and the failure it brings…then you should talk about it.
…golly, I sure will. Here I had been thinking all this other shit was relevant, but suddenly I find out its all about game-playing.
Tell us: what do “alphas” spend their whole day thinking about? Don’t hold out on us.
Could be any number of things since you ask. One thing it sure as shit isn’t though, is the subtle nuances of other men in shorts and tank tops tossing a ball to each other.
Lol so Jimmer Fredette, Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitski, Brian Scalabrine, Matt Bonner are all potential “would be felons” had they not played?
http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/1366085924_mbl2H.gif
…aww shucks, you’ve spotted the weak spot in my blanket statement. Is one of those guys (possibly) your dad?
If you think basketball has a problem with criminals, just look at the NFL.
Is it possible that “beta game” is more effective on men than women?
Tell me who you would want to have a beer with.
A weak beta who complains about the world keeping them down….and tries to buy your affection.
Or an alpha who manipulates the world and has some good stories about it.
Dominance is universally attractive…except to those who think displays of dominance make that person a selfish prick.
Well, obviously I’d rather hang out with the interesting guy with self-confidence. But I think the guy you are describing is an extreme example of beta. I think I’d rather hang out with the guy that occasionally buys a round of drinks than the guy that never does so.
If pro athletes were universally repelled by beta, then there wouldn’t be such a pattern of players going to the highest bidder on the free agent market. A guy like Brett Favre wouldn’t agree to play for the Vikings when they let him skip training camp. Teams wouldn’t successfully sign free agents by sending the coach/GM/owner to the player’s house. Players wouldn’t chafe at being overshadowed by a teammate.
Youre ignoring two things, both which make your analogy pointless: 1) getting paid lots and lots of money and 2) winning a championship. Finding a team that can beat the Lakers on both those points would be difficult.
Dwight Howard as a whiny high-maintenance bitch and Steve Nash as the pedestal enabler.
The Miami Heat did something similar 3 years ago with Dwayne Wade. The difference, I suppose, is that, other than a trip to Chicago where his kids live, there was not even any rumors that Dwayne was going anyplace other than Miami. The whole thing was regarded as a publicity stunt.
The Lakers might nab Lebron next year if Miami implodes, or even it doesn’t but Lebron wants to make the most possible money. But that’s next year. This year, Kobe is going to miss half the season if his knees aren’t permanently shot already. And other than an Aging Pau Gasol (who plays the same position as Dwight) the lakers dont really have anything to build around Dwight. LA offers the most glamour in the league, but LA residents hate Dwight. He should get the hell out of dodge.
fucj all niuggers. seruiysly fuck all of them. wish they’d all die.and ficking shit up. fucking ahat aeelall of them.not alone, most peopelI know hate them to o. got back to africa. cutbs,
drunk btw. just fot calarify, fucj all niggers.. pucture at teg top pusses me off bugtune would like to put a bullet in hish ade.
Ah, man, drunk speaks the truth. Fuck all of them. Grab a boat, send them home.
White are down to 60% and their numbers are shrinking by the day. Blacks won’t be the first to diisappear, that’s for sure.
there is really nothing more beta in a man that being serious about playing passive observer to a bunch of monkeys chasing a ball…..
Great post. All the 2012-13 Lakers had going for them was being awesome in NBA 2K13.
Basketball sucks anyway. All sports suck since whenever betting was invented.
Gambling is what makes sports both entertaining and meaningful. Otherwise youre just wasting your life away watching grown men play childrens games.
Dwight Howard has no jump shot, mediocre foot work and just a rather terrible offensive IQ. Truth be told he is a much stronger and bigger version of Tyson Chandler, even though mentally he’s much weaker. However, rather than accept his role as a #2 big man, who own and defends the post, he wants to be Shaquille Oneal so bad, it’s irritating.
The only place he could thrive is in a system with an alpha male PG like Chris Paul or Rajon Rondo, who will get him the ball and easy baskets, but won’t be stupid enough to allow this guy to take the #1 spot on the team. The guy relies too much on his strength and athleticism, that he forgets skill is what makes people unstoppable. He’s just lucky that he plays in an era where there aren’t that many great big men, he would not have been so highly regarded in the 90’s.
Kobe is no beta though. http://www.lakersnation.com/quote-the-mamba-nevermore-kobe-tells-dwight-man-up-or-ship-out/2013/07/04/
Overgrown Negroes who play a child’s game and bounce a ball around for a living. And you’re surprised that these docile omega descendants of slaves are beta boys? lol
And they make 50x what you do — despite your obvious ‘superiority’. They make more in one year than you make in a lifetime. A measure of value to society. So it appears the ‘descendants of slaves’ are doing far more with less compared to the beta white boys born to privilege.
Boring
Uh huh. So let’s see. Us nerds who are typing away on a blog and comments are the “alphas” and a the 6 foot 11, 250 lb center who could physically discipline anyone on here is the ‘beta’. LOL. The Internet truly is a parallel universe. You can imagine yourself to be whatever it is you want to be, and misrepresent everyone else.
Owww i so mad at these tall baketball boys. They tink they are sooooo big