Men who have enviable dating lives all share a fundamental assumption about women. These men assume most women want to sleep with them. Unfortunately, although they wouldn’t admit it (even to themselves), most men believe the opposite; that women do not find them sexually attractive. This unconscious belief makes men feel unentitled to take the risks necessary to have success with women.
Put bluntly, you might be preventing yourself from having success with women because of a belief you don’t know you have. This article is going to help you realize whether you have this toxic belief, and show you how to replace it with its opposite: the fundamental assumption that will get you laid.
Awareness is the cure
Changing your beliefs about yourself isn’t easy because a negative mindset is the psychological equivalent to cancer: the host doesn’t know it’s destroying itself. Becoming aware of this is intrinsically difficult because you’d have to admit that a part of you isn’t really you, but a cancer. To change your mindset, you must notice your own negative thinking, question your insecurities, and doubt your own self-doubt.
If your body were to become aware that it had cancer, your immune system would easily snuff it out, the same is true for a negative mindset. Awareness of your own self-destructive beliefs is the cure.
Many men just don’t believe that girls want to fuck them, and this causes them to shoot themselves in the foot whenever they have an opportunity with a woman.
The ‘She Doesn’t Want Me’ Treadmill
The outcome I expected the first time I leaned into kiss a girl.
Take me for example. A few years ago, I went on several dates with a girl who I thought was way out of my league. On the third date, I made a romantic gesture to win her over. At the end of our date, I hesitated, and took a deep breath before pulling out a bouquet of flowers from the trunk of my car.
I said, “I thought you might like these” (thinking I was being smooth). There was a long, awkward pause. She said, “Oh that’s really sweet, thank you. But I have to go now.” She then briskly walked away from me and into her home. I never saw her again.
A few months later, a girl I worked with asked me on a date. We went out five or six times; we went to the park, the library, got high together, and on one fateful night she suggested that we watch a movie at my place. I enthusiastically agreed.
We were watching a movie in my bed, and she started massaging me. She had me lie down and kneaded my entire body, eventually, she had me turn over so that she was on top of me in a cowgirl position. At this moment, I said, “Let’s get back to the movie.” She gave up at this point and we ended up sleeping, fully clothed, side-by-side. The morning after she said, “Well, that’s not what I expected. See ya.”
These are both stories of last dates because I was on the ‘she doesn’t want me’ treadmill, I kept going on dates and putting in effort to getting more success with women, but because I didn’t believe these women were interested in me sexually, I didn’t get anywhere. No matter how many dates I went on.
I had a fundamental assumption that women shouldn’t be attracted to me (without knowing it). I was insecure enough that I didn’t make a move on these dates because I needed undeniable proof that they wanted me to.
Even when a girl massaged my entire body I wasn’t convinced she wanted me to make something happen, there was still room for doubt, so I kept waiting for further proof of her interest. In hindsight, it’s obvious these girls were attracted to me, but they needed me to be a man and take a risk.
Pragmatic Narcissism
Men who are successful with women fundamentally assume women find them attractive. This may seem narcissistic and delusional, but it’s a useful delusion that leaves room for risk taking (and by extension, results). On the other hand, delusionally believing you’re unattractive is negative in a way that leaves room only for self-sabotage.
(As a side-note, expecting girls to be attracted to you doesn’t mean that you can’t take no for an answer, it means that you are willing to take the risks that could lead to a no.)
The first step to developing this positive narcissism is counterintuitive: you must confront the possibility that you have negative beliefs that are holding you back. Accepting the possibility that you have beliefs about your attractiveness that may be negatively affecting your actions and results is difficult. But once you do, the problem finally becomes something you can control, and therefore, overcome.
The only way out is through. To change your beliefs you must proactively take risks that normally only a man who assumes he is fundamentally attractive to women would take. This means putting yourself directly at risk for rejection by women (leaning in for the kiss, asking for the number, attempting the pull).
This is the first crucial step, yet most men never take it because their beliefs about their lack of attractiveness feel so real. If you think that you don’t have enough money, the right body, or the right personality type to attract women, it’s easy to see this perceived disadvantage as an insurmountable obstacle (women aren’t going to start making moves on you anytime soon after all). By default, you will maintain your negative beliefs about yourself indefinitely.
You can easily shoot yourself in the foot when you have opportunities with women if you don’t believe you are fundamentally attractive (like I did in the above anecdotes), then you will reinforce this belief because you didn’t end up getting the girl. You can easily interpret these missed opportunities as further evidence that you are in fact correct about your self-evaluation that you are not sexually desirable to attractive women. It’s a nasty self-fulfilling prophecy that happens outside of our conscious awareness.
The Power of Doubt
In your dating life (or any part of your social life), there is a sort of breadcrumb trail of neurotic and insecure emotions that you can follow. Your negative emotions feel like they’re telling you to avoid something, but in reality, they’re telling you exactly what you need to do. This means that if the notion of going out to meet women on a regular basis provokes anxiety, then do it: if getting rejected frightens you, then ask women out: pain points to the way forward.
The hardest part of this process is admitting that you’re holding yourself back and avoiding taking the right actions. It’s so easy to come up with excuses; you can tell yourself that you need to build more social skills before approaching more women, or that you need to wait to get your career handled, or you need to finish sculpting that six pack (don’t get me wrong, those things definitely help, a lot, but they can easily turn into procrastination).
It’s never going to be easy to admit that your emotional resistance is due to very real insecurities that you have. Understand this: changing your results is impossible without facing doubt and emotional resistance.
Wherever you experience resistance, you must question your assumptions about what that resistance means, this opens up room for you to doubt your current beliefs, which then entitles you to take risks that will disprove your negative mindset. Once you’re aware of what’s holding you back, your excuses lose their meaning. Therefore, you empower yourself to change.
The further you lean into your emotional resistance through risk-taking, the more you will find experiential proof that the resistance was based on unnecessary beliefs you had about yourself, not objective reality.
Within the context of success with women, the more you put yourself at a real risk of rejection (as a rule, to count as a rejection, she has to actually tell you no. Otherwise, you didn’t really get rejected, you just rejected yourself), the more you will get evidence that a good number of women would very much enjoy the opportunity to fuck you.
Although you will find it hard to believe at first, over time, you will develop the fundamental assumption that women do find you attractive. This new assumption will entitle you to take more risks, which will then get you more results with women, which will then lead you to believe women find you even more sexually attractive. It’s a powerful self-fulfilling prophecy that will take place outside of your conscious awareness.
With that said, go forth, chat up some stunners, get rejected a lot, succeed occasionally; and in so doing let go of and replace the unnecessary beliefs that were holding you back.
Read More: 8 Tips For Getting Laid More By Developing Your Sexual Presence
Love thyself, and the birds will flock.
Brilliant. Seven word sentence that sums up the entire article in a beautiful daily mantra. Great article and great first comment.
http://l7.alamy.com/zooms/164f1090f93d41c49af9a9d9988bbfb3/businessman-feeding-pigeons-in-park-c83ta9.jpg
Truth.
“In your dating life ( or social life) there is a sort of bread crumb trail of neurotic and insecure emotions that we follow ” brilliant ! Best game or inner game article I’ve read here in a long time . Really points out well what the fuck is going on ,in most of our heads . I know some of the fans here aren’t Going like this , but have to admit im getting tired of the Troy Francis articles sorry ! Feels like the same old shit . Day game day game day game night game night game night game. Alright already ! This was refreshing thanks . Yea one of my negative beliefs is the cloths , although I’m not making any fashion mistakes I think Or feel like I have to have that edgeie look that most attractive women crave in order to talk with one .
Men who are successful with women fundamentally assume women find them attractive.
As CH will often say: “Assume the sale.”
“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.”
right – and the sooner you figure out how fukked up you are the sooner you can get about fixing it.
Women are pussies (pun intended) and have no agency. You have to do everything as the man in a seduction and that’s fine because it is what it is, but outside of sex, fuck ’em (no pun intended).
If you are prone to migraines from inane blabber….just rub one out instead.
Assuming a woman doesn’t want you , after going on several dates with you or lying on your bed is not being negative , it’s being retarded.
Yeah, my guy said the woman was on top of him and he wanted to get back to the movie….
LMAO!
Must of been watching Master and Commander.
For pick up, you bet your ass this is true.
This is most certainly a great piece of writing here, sir.
You hit the nail on the head, good and proper! I, myself have been in the exact same position years ago before, and while I’ve gotten a million times better, I still could always improve from that, again so. Nothing like a dose of hard truth.
I don’t have any doubt if they want me or not. I KNOW they are wet in my presence, I wake their raw parts, and they want to surrender on me and eat my dick until the dawn.
This.
This
This, this, this, this fucking this.
Girls thought I was good looking when I was in Highschool, but it never went anywhere because I was a complete pussy.
Then I read my friends’ copy of ‘The Game’ and I very quickly realised that it wasn’t canned routines or dressing like a circus clown that transformed a man’s pulling power…
It was the front-footed confidence that mattered. It was amazing how different my fortunes were when I’d engage with a girl I was interested in and assumed, from the start, that she’d want to get with me- and acted entirely on this assumption.
Guys who want to see this idea in action would do well to check out the episode of ‘How I met your mother’ where Barney sets Ted up on a double date with a girl he believes is a prostitute who’s already been paid off.
Yes. I also had a similar situation where I was lusted after because I gave off a menacing, brooding and distant vibe that had them drenching their panties but I was too in my own head to realise and capitalise on. This persisted for years and I would sabotage my chances.
“Menacing, brooding, distant vibe” really means he was sadly looking at the floor because he was an emo phag
“I was lusted after” really means the girl saw him as a gay guy she could talk to about girl things
“Drenching their panties” was when he clumsily spilled juice on the girl because he was nervous
Just kidding Burning Hammer, I couldn’t resist saying that haha
Ha. It’s quite alright. I have a sense of humour about myself anyway and seeing how you decoded what I wrote into what you did made me laugh.
But truth be told I could be pretty intimidating and the fact I was red-pilled before it was such a thing scared some-I had numerous run-ins with the authority there and was considered at times a dangerous dissident. Also, there was concerns I was a satanist because I had my Discman (remember those?!) confiscated and at the time I had been listening to Hell Awaits by Slayer and some such. It was all so amusing and I took myself way too seriously.
Your way of writing english is amazing.
Gracias amigo.
Apologies-I should perhaps have written in Romanian as your username strikes me as being such in which case – mulțumesc, prietene.
You are welcome )
Where ar e you from?
Australia of Greek background.
There’s typically a threatening voice in your head saying “don’t do it” or “don’t touch her”. It’s your mother’s voice or it’s your wife’s voice or some white knight’s voice. If you were raised on a co-op farm emyloying dykes in boots, it’s definately their voices.
The escalation regrets I’ve had leave me sitting years later, pondering and regaming them perfectly in my head. Years ago my wife’s hot cousin was visiting and after a restaurant family meal she came at me in the parking alone with this aura, licking her lips, twirling hair, arms wiggling like noodles. I know the look and feel around a woman that is in a jelly state. All we did was talk and I cracked jokes in the restaurant. I should have gotten more physical. She swung her arms foreward between our cars and stupid me gave her a businessman’s handshake before they departed. My wife was watching through the window but I still regret not ploughing her with a kiss. She was open for a feel up all around and I could sense it. I should of dunnit. Damn. That would have reset my wife’s clock and lowered the bar on her allowable data usage for sure. Now the cousin comes by with her new fireman husband and she looks at me like I’m an old farmer joe or something. I should have felt her up that first meeting years back and at least gotten stinky finger, then gotten in and sat down in my own car next to my wife and held my index finger up to her nose as I raised my eyebrow at her like SPOCK!
For me it was mine-it was that voice of doubt, of feeling not good enough and it is my own worst enemy.
I hear you on that.
When I was in junior high, the hottest girl in my grade- arguably my school- had a thing for me. I missed all the signs (partially through pure lack of experience, I admit) and when I found out she liked me I did nothing about it because I was a pussy. I had a crush on her already- but I didn’t follow up. I left her hanging and then wondered why she acted so cold towards me after haha. Then she left our school at the end of that year and I missed out completely…
She (years later) ended up being an actress in a prime-time soap…just as pretty as I remembered her. These days I’d say she’s too old for me (on account of being the same age) but man…if I could hop into the De Lorean, gun it to 88mph and go back to Year 8 I’d tell my 13 y/o self to stop being a faggot and go for it. Nothing to lose!
>> “Pain points the direction foreward.” >>
I like that one.
Good article. I totally agree that so-called pragmatic narcissism is an important piece of the puzzle. If you have some of it already within you, magnify it, and combine it with approaches and improvement in other significant areas.
For me it has been a non-linear process. I always wanted girls to take some of the steps before I was confident enough to make the rest, but occasionally I made bald moves when I was a bit drunk. Then I was 13-16. Then I started to have sex but it still took a while before I really knew how to please a woman in total so to speak, and for some reasons I had some periods of self doubt and can still have, even when I looked really good. But nowadays I never miss an opportunity and take the first steps 9 out of 10 times. With a combination of different types of game it has been easier to meet 5-10 attractive girls per year instead of 1-3 (if I am not in a relationship).
Actually to be just horny and use that to get girls is also part of the equation.
It takes a while to grasp how narcissism flows along a spectrum and can be magnified in situ. Several weeks ago I got into a digression on positive/pragmatic narcissism with a friend who understood what I was saying. We got into the Dark Triad and the “cult of Self” that permeates American / California society. To sum up what we put together that day: Healthy intrinsic narcissism exists in all individuals.
On the light end of the spectrum, “healthy narcissism” is a structural truthfulness of the self, achievement of object constancy, synchronization between the self and the superego and a balance between libidinal and aggressive drives (the ability to receive gratification from others and the drive for impulse expression). To sum up what probably could fill several lectures: Healthy narcissism forms a perpetuating, realistic self-interest, mature goals and principles and an ability to form deep relations. It creates fewer conflicts and engenders the feeling of greatness when the occasion is right. This is the antithesis of insecurity or inadequacy, and likely a required element of normal development.
We both realized that without living in denial of what narcissism does or does not enable in terms of deeper character, etc., it can be better controlled within your day or night game with the females.
As a doubt remedy, “Pain points to the way forward” has an air of Fight Club to it. This notion can mix well with delayed gratification, which requires its own mastery. I’m also vaguely haunted by those “momentary beta” compromises — no matter how rare — that doubt can stir into the red-pill soul. In a flash of doubt it becomes clear how primacy or alpha is transitory, and never guaranteed; an old tale about how power is lost. On the typical club/bar/party scene, the average dude plows through it with liquid courage and skips the philosophy and second-guessing. Fractions of seconds matter in a streamlined decision-making process.
Some benefit when they examine the nature of doubt by not blocking by default when it complicates the path; it’s gonna come. Investigating the impulse behind a cautious, reflective moment (a.k.a., doubt) can bring on a novel stratagem; it’s not always a glimpse of social defeat. One weighted pause to give it some attention, and it provides feedback about what is unsettled. I guess I found some of the advice in the article a little overbearing. I’d say also listen to your sensibilities; it doesn’t seem soft to recognize “doubt” might chime in to guide you out of a shitty/unpleasant/awkward situation. Feels like a disservice to become a “doubt ignorer” by rote, but each must decide if they’ll be willing to sacrifice mental energy for the doubt while trying to break the ice or influence people. Or say fuck it, maybe it’ll just work itself out in R.E.M. sleep later on…
All great stuff. Here is something that worked wonders for me. Target and pursue the most beautiful women always. Look for the ones who you say are out of your league. When one of these beauties rejects your advances, laugh loudly out loud. So loud the entire room looks your way. Laugh because while she said no thanks you made the attempt. Once you can laugh earnestly everything falls into perspective. Who cares how it turned out? You tried!! I have had no thanks and laughed and she came back a few minutes later.
This article is excellent and true.
The question remaining, however, is whether someone on the “treadmill of doubt” can intellectually recognize the truths in this article and just decide to change.
My initial response is no. The “fake it till you make it” works in some things, but I don’t believe it works in this. Women are far too perceptive and have far too high a social IQ not to see through it. The healthy narcissism comes off as buffoonery when it is given an intentional treatment and seems ham fisted absurdity and winds up being a huge turn off.
So where does that leave our guy who needs to jump out of this? I’d suggest earning his narcissism and arrogance. Get your diet and workout under control, learn to dress better, groom yourself well, pick a couple of goals and achieve them. Doing this will lead to an inner feeling of confidence which can’t be faked. As the lays start coming more and more frequently the idea that all women want to fuck you will follow.
After years and years of doing this the inertia is such that it’s almost impossible to think otherwise. I currently have 5 girls in rotation not counting 3 that are always go to girls and another I am grooming. I have a Girl who literally texts me begging for sex, gets pissed when I ignore her and then a week later begs again.
So when I get on a subway or walk into a coffee shop or a board room or just walk down the street, after years of obtaining personal goals, keeping myself insanely fit, being successful in interesting ways and having a constant rotation of different women it is almost impossible for me to think that every woman in the room doesn’t want me right then and right there. Do they? Probably not. Some do. But it doesn’t matter, after years and years of repeating this pattern that’s just the natural first thought.
Excellent comment. Due to my upbringing I have danced back and forth with the author’s paradigm. Don’t get me wrong, there are at least a dozen girls who I know right now who would want to fuck me, but I would only jump on 1 or 2. But I would back off at that point when the sex returns would become second nature and feed into themselves. It sounds like the only way to have a profound sex life, is to enter the point when the returns come on their own.
You are the first person I have seen adequately address where and how goals affect your sex life. Way to address the attainability of abundance.
Thank you. I appreciate the good words. I think you are right about the returns coming on their own. I think you could also say that the way to a profound sex life is to have a profound life in general. The sex you get will drive your confidence in other things and that confidence will feed the sex life. I freely admit that there is a bit of a haughty arrogance about me and that when I meet people I generally assume, naturally, without putting any thought to it, that I am simply better. Shit, in life there is always better and worse, we aren’t commies here, what else should I assume…that the person across the table from me is better.
As it turns out, they tell people to believe in themselves right up to the point where they do and then they tell them not to be arrogant, to lose the swagger or to not show off. Fuck that noise.
I believe there are three levels of self-perception:
(1). Humility: where your projected value is below your current value
(2). Honesty: where your projected value is equal to your current value
(3). Arrogance: Where your projected value is higher than your current value
Considering this, arrogance is almost always the best way to project yourself.
It certainly helps to have many things going for you, so that your arrogance has a foundation to stand on.
“Early in life, I had to choose between honest
arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and have
seen no occasions to change.” – Frank Lloyd Wright
Now I’m not the biggest fan of his worldveiw in general but this is a good quote.
Yeah, Wright was an off-the-charts Trump-style narcissist. A total momma’s boy too.
But still brilliant. Visit Fallingwater, if you haven’t already.
I like this Champ and, oddly enough, it kind of corresponds to the Nietzschean metamorphoses of the spirit. I always hesitate to bring up big F because he is so easily read and so poorly understood that it is a real trap, so I will be very careful to parse this one out.
In Thus Spoke Zarathustra Nietzsche talks about The Three Metamorphoses. Specifically how the spirit becomes a camel, the camel becomes a lion and the lion becomes a child. I could go on for days about the meaning of this, but in the very smallest of nutshells…think of what the camel is…..the camel holds on to water in its hump while in the desert, it spits, it is a sturdy though not particularly brave beast. For Nietzsche this is endemic of the clergy (both Jewish and Christian) as well as academia who holds on to knowledge from old books like it was some kind of sacred stone, afraid to touch it, to play with it, to manipulate it, they walk around haughty and tall and spit at those who come near it. This is the lowest for of the soul. The memory of the camel is absolute.
The camel transforms to the lion. The blonde beast. The proud soldier. He lets the spite go, he doesn’t hold on, but yet he is uninteresting. His thymos in perfect shape, he is brave, courageous, meaningful, his memory is not as eternal as that of the camel but he remembers slights against his honor and demands them to be satisfied. There is a nobility to the lion that doesn’t exist in the Camel, but at the same time there is a certain vacantness. The lion has power in the ability so say “no” he can put his foot in the ground and demand a line which cannot be transgressed. The lion can demand that values be respected but at the day he is still just a beast of burden.
The final and greatest of the transformations is the child. Nietzsche says:
“But tell me, my brethren, what the child can do, which even the lion could not do? Why hath the preying lion still to become a child? Innocence is the child, and forgetfulness, a new beginning, a game, a self-rolling wheel, a first movement, a holy Yea. Aye, for the game of creating, my brethren, there is needed a holy Yea unto life: its own will, willeth now the spirit; his own world winneth the world’s outcast.”
So where the camel could only regurgitate values and the lion could only demand on the values, the child, because of innocence and forgetfulness, can create new values. Nietzsche admires the artist above all, and the greatest canvas one can paint with is the canvass of meaning in the universe. The Camel will tell you what the biblical or academic meaning is. The lion will demand you obey the law. But it is the child and his ability to forget the values of the past totally and innocently who can write new value on the universe, new morals. The act of creating a new moral system, essentially the act of becoming your own god, is the highest achievement. Now, and I mention this because it is a) important and b) almost always misunderstood……these stages are NOT a latter. You don’t go one to the next to the next. They are a constant flux of opposing forces. Think of how one thing may be kept in place by opposite forces acting on different angles…such is the spirit of man. We are all camel, lion and child in some way and to some degree.
Now to bring this back to your excellent analogy. You say humility, honesty and arrogance. That humility, which I read as a kind of impotence and fear where one acts humble because they are afraid of confrontation, to cause a stir or to otherwise even be noticed, is very much like the camel. Those people remember every slight, every insult every single thing. We all have that in us. Even the least humble amongst us harbors some kind of insecurity, even if it is buried deep down. Then you have honesty, much like the lion. The bravery to be yourself, walk in, own a room, demand respect, this is me, this is who I am. This is where courage comes from. Finally we have arrogance….which corresponds to the child who says “your values, your morals, your religion? never heard of it. Not “anti-Christ” but having totally forgot morals. In the absence of meaning and value that is created by forgetfulness and innocence the child can write new laws, new meanings and new morals….much like the arrogance (positive arrogance) where you walk into a room and forget the rules and make new ones up as you go along.
The example I will use here is in dating.
The Camel/Humble will know that after getting a girls number he should wait 3 days to call. He will obsess over her though. Think about it and often wind up breaking the rule and seeming desperate. He knows what to do but remembers every slight, holds on to every feeling and in the end is too cowardly to follow up on convictions
The Lion/Honest instinctively knows not to call for 3 days and isn’t waiting to call, simply calls 3 days later. The rule is there to remind non-lions what it is that comes natural to the lion. In doing this the lion insists on himself and his power and does so honestly. The Camel is using or trying to use “game” where the lion is just being a lion.
Finally the Child/Arrogant gets the number and without putting a single thought to it calls 3 hours later, is charming, innocent, forgetful. It’s not that he has no respect for the rules, he simply doesn’t know them or care about them. His rules are all self-created and in that there is a feeling he gives off of great power because he isn’t constrained by the mores and morals of the social order, he is above it and only constrained by his own ability to create. You simply can’t fake this ever. You have to learn to unlearn and you have to say that the things that were meaningful in the past are totally forgotten now.
Thank you. This is WAY cheaper than going to college.
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a183ab5b45a521fafc4c8ede2b78ba5c9ee2eb623931af2bdb898cd82df0a240.jpg
Thank you for your kind words, lolknee. You have given me a lot to think about and I will consider this carefully.
From what you wrote, it seem that unpredictability is the hallmark of the Child. There were numerous observances in my life that pointed in that direction. In a world constrained by rules, any one who breaks (or at least bends) them immediately stands out.
nietzche is mr white? no christian names!
correct…and most the idiots who will teach it to you at college will fuck it up as they try to shoe horn their own brand of dingbat wisdom in there.
As a chess player, I have come to the conclusion that being unpredictable is the best way to go. Incidentally, this also applies to nearly every aspect of life.
Almost all professional (and casual) chess players memorize vast amounts of opening theory. There are practical advantages to this, but more often that not it constrains creativity and freedom just like rules in society.
During my games, I have noticed a great deal of freedom in breaking away from opening theory. The ensuing positions are almost always novel. Positions unfamiliar to both myself and my opponent. Without theory to guide you, you have no choice but to adapt to the strange positions which is very difficult to do unless you have a high degree of skill. Just like the Child, I’ll have to make up the rules as I play along.
very nice analogy and I do quite the same. Modified queens gambits. A good way to explain this is through Jackson Pollack I think. There is a huge difference between Jackson Pollack’s Blue Poles and someone who just throws paint and shit on a canvas. IN art, in chess, in morals and value it is the act of only the rarified few to forgot the old rules and structures and create new extemporaneously. The trick is in the forgetting. What is important here is that it is not “not knowing” it is forgetting which implies that the knowledge was there and now it isn’t. You can’t play with opening strategies and get away from the paradigm of the basic openers until you have mastered them
“For this reason, the practice of all the arts is to clear away what is on your mind. At first you don’t know anything, so you don’t have any uncertainty in mind. Then when you enter into study, there is something on your mind and you are inhibited by that, so everything becomes hard to do.
When the object of your study leaves your mind entirely, and practice also disappears, then when you perform the art in which you are engaged you accomplish the techniques easily without being inhibited by concern over what you’ve learned, yet without deviating from what you’ve learned. This is spontaneous accord with learning, without subjective awareness of doing so. This is how the science of martial art is to be understood.”
-Yagyu Munenori, The Book of Family Traditions
“From one thing, know ten thousand things.”
-Miyamoto Musashi
From all this, it is very clear that all wisdom is interlinked. Thank you for your time, lolknee. I’ve learned a lot today.
nice pull. Other than Taoism (specifically that of Chuang Tzu) and the novels of Yukio Mishima I am not really up on Asian philosophy or literature so this was a nice bring.
If you’re interested in Eastern philosophy, I strongly recommend Madhyamaka by Nagarjuna, an Indian philosopher. He has been called a nihilist, a pragmatist, an idealist by many scholars. Regardless, his works are among the most intricate and complex I have come across.
You have achieved Nirvana.
Yes it was exactly my experience as well that the ‘fake it till you make it’ without the merit to back it up quickly crumbles and you’re stuck again with your own inadequacy. You need something, actual ACHIEVEMENTS to be confidant about!
This ties into he dangerous fallacy of ‘be yourself’ which had been debunked over and over on this site. ‘Yourself’, especially when you’re young, simply isn’t good enough – it’s just a hint at what you have to work to become, that is, the most excellent version of yourself. I was constantly told to just be more confidant when I was young and weak and stupid and scared and it never helped. It was only years later that I understood there can be no real confidence from a source like that.
Like you say, be excellent and the rest will follow.
Some men have that confidence without any achievements at all. They’re called naturals.
Yeah I suppose I’ve come across such types.
Its kind of a rare short-cut: baseless confidence gets them women early, which becomes real confidence (based on getting laid early). Sort of a jump-start.
bingo and good call on “be yourself”
Good lord that is really bad advice. The funny thing I find is that people spend more time, effort and even money on “faking it until they be making it” than it would take to actually just “make it” and allow the rest of the chips to fall into place naturally.
Funny because we just had the photography as game article the other day, I knew a guy once who spent a fortune on equipment, building a website, printing cards all to tell girls he was a photographer but he never actually learned any basic photography. For about 1/3 the money he could have got a groupon package for a photography class where they have all the equipment there, learned how to take photos professionally, go on walks around the city with the class taking pictures and learn how to edit them on photoshop.
Instead he bought all this expensive stuff he didn’t know how to use and went to clubs where he spent a fortune to tell girls things that would obviously show themselves as lies sooner or later. He probably would have met plenty of women in that stupid class just saying he was interested in learning some basic photography skills and he wouldn’t have spent nearly as much money, he wouldn’t have been lying about anything and, best of all, he would have actually learned the fucking skills he was pretending to have and thus making himself a more valuable commodity.
“He probably would have met plenty of women in that stupid class just saying he was interested in learning…..”
YES. Because even if you do not yet have the skills, the interestED man is the interestING man.
What if you look like this? http://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/bikers-379983.jpg
You mean gay?
like typical American men. Fat and badly dressed.
Great post. Thank you.
Never buy a woman flowers. It won’t turn out the way you think it will.
Learnt that the HARD way early in my teens LOL.
I bought flowers every week for five years for my former spouse. (Together, at a farmer’s market, as part of the weekly routine. She carried them.) She even boasted about it to her friends.
Then she got bored and walked out.
As I said above, it won’t turn out the way you think it will.
“every week for five years”……that was the problem. Be intentionally spontaneous.
https://thefamilyalpha.com/2015/11/17/10-ways-to-keep-your-wife-on-her-toes/
Buying them weekly turned the Thoughtful Gesture into Grocery Shopping….
Yeah, I was spontaneous in other ways. But the flowers were just a part of grocery shopping, and I didn’t make a big deal out of it. SHE did, boasting about the flowers to her friends.
She did, however, like to see me hauling huge bags of meat and vegetables up to the kitchen so she could go to work cooking. It was the only good thing she really ever did for me.
Yeah, there is a fine line between her feeling valued and her feeling entitled.
Heh! I did make an attempt at a side business of selling teddy bears to guys looking to impress their ladies. Only one guy made it work, the guy who already had sex with the girl before he gave the gift.
Seems to me Jammy that that is more of an issue with the expectations of the giver and less to do with the woman or the floral reproductive structure of a plant. I think flowers are a lovely gesture and when they are earned are often well appreciated. I also tend to really like to keep fresh flowers in my house as a side note.
I don’t think you are wrong here in that you don’t just up and buy women flowers and expect something. But there are times when flowers are just the right thing. Adjust expectations and use them sparingly and flowers can be a fun gift.
I would agree on points of chivalry. Opening doors, flowers, pulling chairs, etc. are all a part of the traditional dating routine that emphasizes that you want her to behave in a traditional manner. If she thinks it is to get sex or other expectations, it isn’t going to happen.
However, if you open the door for her, and she stands back, shows appreciation, and acts more feminine as a response, then that is what those gifts and gestures are meant to instill.
Agreed totally jim. For all my lechery I am a very traditional dating partner which is why those things don’t come off as me trying to get laid. I go on dates wearing a tie. I hold doors every time. I will pull out chairs and I always pick up the bill. I have very traditional mannerisms and often will, when opening a door, put my hand on the small of her back and usher her through. It makes me kind of an anomaly and girls have mentioned it before or even teased me about it. One girl said “why do you do all this stuff” and I said “because unlike the children you are used to fucking I am a man.” I don’t do this stuff because they like it, I do it because that is what is in my nature (for several reasons) to do and that shows.
I see that problem with college guys who struggle with trying to make relationships out of “hanging out” and instead getting friend zoned. Have the confidence to make your intentions known early.
It really is a different world now and so strange to me. I am at peace with it as it just leaves me being different than the competition. Girls have actually told me that they had never been on “dates” before. I always show up a little early to a date. I like to go to the bar, have a drink, chat with people….you know, basically get into being social before she shows up for 10-15 minutes. When they walk in and see me in a suit holding a cocktail and acting like some guy they have seen in a movie set in the 50’s it is really unnerving to a lot of them whose last date may have been just hanging out, as you say, playing pool or going to a bar.
I don’t stick my dick in my friends and I don’t want to just hang out and go drinking with women.
The problem is systemic. High school boys don’t know how to ask girls out on dates, or how to act on dates. Meanwhile, girls have never been asked out on proper dates, and know little how to behave either.
Correctamundo. As it turns out, it works wonders for me that the world is this way….lol
My 12 year old son has some boys and girls he hangs out with, It is interesting to see it as a fly on the wall. Has the desire, but no clue on how to act.
Most the young (early 20’s) guys I see out wouldn’t know what to do with a woman if they had 8 dicks, 15 hands, 11 tongues, a flashlight and an instruction manual.
The guys who do seem to have their shit together are the ones who achieve corporate success early on in the game. Young finance guys and lawyers from prestigious schools in their mid to late 20’s seem to have been taught a more traditional way to act partially by their families but, to a large extent, from their universities believe it or not. These young guys who do pre-law and then either a business degree or a law degree at an Ivy or other tier one school are taught behavioral things that simply aren’t taught in other, more common places like state schools, other private schools or low tier diploma factories.
The lunacy of the very vocal minority of dipshit, over privileged liberal arts students aside, the vast majority of young bachelors turned out by the ivy’s are clean cut, serious minded young men who have more structured old world aristocratic values and this isn’t an accident.
Agreed, traditional mannerisms is noticed by more than just women. Some guy who behaves like James Bond will be hired before a guy with the same resume who behaves like Chris Farley.
This is probably the only defense of Ivy League schools that will ever appear on this site.
People here do seem hostile towards the ivys but it is a silly position people take. They are special schools and are valued so highly for a reason.
Certainly, but there are many other elite universities. Stanford, Univ of Chicago, Carnegie Mellon, etc. About 25 in total. It’s stupid to focus on those eight Ivy L schools like they’re still the end all be all of higher education. Maybe in 1900, but not today.
I did mention “other tier one schools” and meant just the ones you mention (especially Chicago) as well as trade schools like MIT and Hopkins. It is foolish to focus only on 8 schools, but focusing on about 15-20 is right.
As for education, yes…you simply will get a better education at an IVY than at most other private schools and all other state schools if you wish to. But college, like many things, is what you make of it. Are there anomaly cases where a hard working and motived student with his head in the game correctly goes to a state college and gets an education far better than a legacy kid at yale who is going cocaine every day? sure. But on the whole the vast majority of Ivy graduates will get a better education and for people who are serious about school there is no better place to be
I have the opposite experience. Using the word “date” scares girls off. It might work on gold-diggers over 30 but the chicks Im interested in just want to hang out and party. If I can make them laugh and take them to cool clubs or parties, Im in there.
Could be Mormon culture I experienced. Lots of silly activities. A first date meant little as far as commitment. A different activity each weekend with a different girl, but you were paired off
“I think flowers are a lovely gesture and when they are earned are often well appreciated.”
This has been the exact opposite of my experience.
Maybe you are giving them for the wrong reason. I don’t give flowers often for sure, but I have given them. Here are two situations which I remember that worked very nicely.
1) A girl I was seeing was having a birthday. It was the summer and we were meeting up in the park for a drink. On the way to see her I grabbed a sun flower from one of the bodegas that sells flowers on literally every corner of new York for like 1/3 the price of florists. I gave it to her, said happy birthday and she was over the moon. 3 dollars was my total expense and she thought it was the sweetest thing.
2) I was walking on Madison avenue and there was a really nice flower box and the girl commented on it. I leaned over, plucked one out and stuck it behind her ear. I followed up with something to the effect of “don’t think I am too sweet, I’ve just always wanted to fuck a girl with a flower in her hair” She was over the moon.
Jammy got the same woman flowers for five years. You get 5 women flowers for one week. Not really apples to apples comparison
I will give my wife flowers maybe 3-4 times a year, never on the expected holidays like Valentines or anniversary. Has to be when unexpected for a positive reaction. Otherwise, they are nothing more than pretty groceries.
See that makes sense to me perfectly and if I had a wife I would probably do the same. I do like having some fresh flowers on my dining room table. I dated a girl years ago that I didn’t particularly like but she had such a nice and comfortable home that always smelled so good and just made me happy to be there. I stayed with her much longer than I would have just because I liked being there until I said “fuck kneeman, this has nothing to do with her. Your place is already clean. Only difference is that she has plug in scent things, scented candles and fresh flowers. Get rid of the girl and just make your own place like that.” To this day I love walking through my front door and smelling the place and when I bring people over they always have the same goofy look of not wanting to leave that I did at this girls place.
same woman flowers for five years? I wont even give the same woman dick for 2 months.
‘ZACTLY. I am (and she is) a fan of the unexpected flower appearance.
The ‘dozen roses on valentines day’ is basically a proclamation that you’ve given up. You may as well wear sweat pants out to dinner with her…
“YOU ONLY LOVED ME FOR MY GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!”
Curtis! Have you been arranging flowers in the bathroom again?
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f55a1f3081a923e75bf090668b28bf03940618b869bddb6b7b2f5efd53f045b6.jpg
Heeyyyy what’s wrong with sweats
i dont know this movie
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c80ecf7b9348b60297a1d1bc5f0a0e102a9c60578a184ea370818f6960550d36.jpg
yeah, @disqus_68anDuoclq:disqus, me too niether
Funny Jeff Foxworthy bit
“funny jeff foxworthy bit”???
you got i!
Maybe for a funeral is appropriate.
So it all depends on the context. And here I thought I have to smack her ass every time I see her.
Only a Sith deals in absolutes…
Some women (and even men) simply LIKE flowers. The misconception is that they are tokens you put in a machine and pussy comes out.
Once I saw a nice bouquet of a certain flower my Girl likes and I picked them up only to have the cashier make some stupid remark like “whaddid you do?” or “you think it’ll work”.
It is a major regret of mine that I didn’t break his fukkin jaw.
https://i.imgflip.com/1pyogl.jpg
“The misconception is that they are tokens you put in a machine and pussy comes out”
Words of wisdom right there. They are gifts, may be flattering, but not much else. They do help her feel feminine, something that is lacking with women who have been inundated with feminist propaganda.
never buy a woman flowers IF you didn’t have sex with her yet.
Corrected for you.
O, ROK…..where were you when I was 15….
Great article.
ha!
I agree, but this assumption doesn’t come easily. You need to develop behaviors and habits that make this crystallize. Just thinking it isn’t going to work. I’ve developed a system of sorts that allows me to live this and which got me out of a pretty timid spot. If you’re just starting, it might help you as well. http://masculineepic.com/index.php/2015/09/14/do-these-things-to-overcome-approach-anxiety/
How about when you are actually unattractive? *cough* short *cough*
Blind people develop exceptional hearing.
Compensate – be TWICE as charming, TWICE as intelligent, TWICE and strong, interested/ing, etc..
Just curious, what if you’re short, bald and ugly?
FOUR times as charming, etc
Wear boots, a wig, and only go out at night.
Right – its all in the maf.
The myth that men are visual and women aren’t…
or just pluck out your eye….solid advice for masturbators in the sermon on the mount.
SMH. Why would you think being short is unattractive? That idea is all in your head.
What you think women find attractive in a guy may not be what they really find a guy attractive.
women aren’t worth it. work on yourself, for your self. then you get women, then you realise they aren’t worth it, but you don’t want to lose them so you keep working out, then you lose them.
what you do next is more important.
You keep working on yourself so the women think that they don’t want to lose you. Once that happens, they play by your rules.
“Your negative emotions feel like they’re telling you to avoid something, but in reality, they’re telling you exactly what you need to do”
This is solid, sound advice. You can’t lie to yourself. In any decision you make, that little bitch called doubt can arise. You have to get out if your own way sometimes and break free from it. Doubt leads to regret leads to shame.
You know what you want, you know what you need to do to get what you want. Only you can get you there and only you can stop yourself from getting there.
“Doubt leads to regret leads to shame.”
good stuff.
and fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
I thought it leads to the Dark Side? LOL!
I see some men who are unattractive and yet believe there are irrisistible. that’s pure delusion imo. When one has many failures with women, it is safe to assume that women don’t want sex with one for whatever reasons. That’s reality and believing on the contrary is just delusionnal.
First, don’t have any female friends and when a woman talks to you and seem interested in your company (that’s means, you don’t know yet if she sees you as a potential mate), state, in one way or another that you don’t need nor want female friends, because after all, you’re a male and that’s the way it works between males and females. If she continues to show interest in your company after that, then go, you can make a move. And if it fails, just ditch the bitch. Period.
While I do appreciate the articles on ROK sharing insight on the female psyche and specifically, how men can address and overcome the many shortcomings women can have, does anyone have any advice to share, on how to have success when dealing with women, as a straight woman in a professional or even in a personal setting? Would greatly appreciate any helpful and constructive comments. Looking to develop more meaningful relationships/friendships with women beyond what usually happens: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/615416444e4e82a5040a37dd806aa1f47843dd0f354e4d7f190f0ed8f293bd0f.jpg
Have you tried not being a sexist asshole?
Just tell the truth. Funny thing is when you tell women the truth, they think you’re lying.
I don’t take stupid risks.
If they are with you there is something to work with. Go for it.
I don’t just assume…..I demand that they want me! Call me delusional, and this is no exaggeration, but this belief thoroughly permeates every fiber of my being. Bitches are here for my amusement and physical pleasure. Because I’m better than women. PERIOD! I’m a sexist and a misogynist and I have biblical support for this as well; being part of His elect and made in His image. The Almighty would NEVER expect me to supplicate to apostate western women. I actually bring them closer to Him…when they cum they always go….”Oh God, Oh God!” They are to do exactly what I want! As the scriptures say….OBEY! Be ruled. Especially in the bedroom. My competition is NOT other men. Oh no no no. It’s the ignorance of women not knowing who it is that stands before them. Bow bitch….on your knees….you have work to do.
why formal education FUCK us so hard?! Deep consideration
political power, pure and simple. Instill feminism, breakdown the family, and people are easier to control.
It’s not hard most guys don’t follow any common sense.
Asking if she wants her clit licked is a good start. A reasonable shock to the pussy right away offsets wasted time, or what you geniuses refer to as “game”.
Sometimes might get you a confused look, but you’ll get those anyhow with other meaningless nonsense. Cut the shit. Slay the clam and get it over with.
How is this article any different than articles encouraging women to accept their bodies, own it and demand it? No. Sorry but being attractive is more than a self assumption, as many here love to point out when they post stuff about a fat model or otherwise unattractive girl trying push guys into accepting her as hot. Of course you don’t want to feel delusionally unattractive but you can’t feel delusionally attractive either. Being attractive takes more than thinking you are because I can pretty much guarantee that thinking it isn’t going to project into looking it, as if girls can somehow be mind controlled into seeing an ugly guy as hot just because he thinks or acts like it.
Feeling and thinking that your attractive should accompany doing something to actually become more attractive ie losing weight, dressing better, good personal hygiene etc.
Fair enough, but I think the point the author is trying to make, is that he was good enough, but self sabotaged his way out of relationships, bangs, etc.
No one should heed advice that suggests that they should feel confident in who they are no matter what and especially if they are not attractive at all. Its the reason girls believe they are “fine” when they are fatties and its the reason guys think they can be unkempt, poorly dressed and out of shape and women will flock to them.
But I think the overall advice here is that you shouldn’t limit yourself if you indeed have put the work in.
I agree if you have put the work in then working on feeling more confident and attractive goes a long way.
Men inherently have more value attached to them outside of attractiveness. So it isn’t wrong to coach a older, fatter man the ways of confidence and assertiveness. Albeit he should always be seeking to master himself on his own time.
Women on the other hand, biologically are tied to their femininity, beauty, fertility, etc…so yea, fat shaming is a thing.
Also the assumption of being desired is just a step, a staging point from which other aspects of dating can be mastered.
Maybe you need so many posts about getting women because you’re on a website for men who think the world revolves around their penis
Nice feminine woman in the shower, I doubt she is American.