It’s getting to be that time of year again, where holiday trees soon will go up in honor of Santa. It’s now less than two months from the winter holidays, and you know what that means: shopping! If you’re scratching your head, figuring out what prezzies to get radical leftists for Xmas or whatever they’re into, I have some excellent suggestions.
Gifts for feminists
Feminists are never happy, and much of their eternal grouchiness results from profound sexual frustration. Understandably, it’s hard to get much action when their hair is buzzed short and dyed neon colors, their faces are all pierced up, their skin is covered in bad tattoos, and they’re addicted to Ben & Jerry’s. Worse than all the above combined is their miserable attitudes.
They need a good sex toy to jump-start the joy. For a garden-variety type who still believes that feminism is all about equality (which hasn’t been true since the mid-1950s), a slim six inch vibrator will suffice. For a granola-munching vegan merely carrying feminism in her ideological grab bag, go organic with a cucumber. For a women’s studies professor, though, you’ll have to splurge a bit. She’ll need an extra-strength clit blaster running on 480V three-phase power. When Ms. Feminist’s toes have been curled sufficiently, then she’ll be able to drop the ‘tude and begin rejoining the ranks of normal humanity.
Gifts for black radicals
Got some pals in BLM? Surely they’d love to get far away from American cops who they believe are gunning them down for no reason. Further, it’s always a good thing to get in touch with one’s ancestral culture, right? I have the perfect solution.
Give them a trip to Africa. Since they’re suffering from White oppression, send them to an all-Black country of their choice: Liberia, Uganda, Rwanda, Zimbabwe, whatever suits their fancy. Problem solved! In these tropical paradises, the weather is never lousy like Harlem, Chicago, Baltimore, or Detroit. Since they’ll be delighted to stay in these beacons of human rights governed by their own people, make it a one-way ticket.
Gifts for Antifa
This domestic terrorist outfit is well-known for using improvised weapons: household chemicals, bottles filled with cement, fireworks, even used tampons. Well, all that’s a little second-rate for armaments, don’t you think?
It’s time for them to start using real manufactured weaponry. The cartoon series Road Runner showcased a wide variety of fine, military-grade hardware: rockets, explosives, you name it. You need only send your Antifa friends the Acme Corporation product catalog; their buddy Doctor Evil will spot them the dough to purchase all the top-quality goods.
Gifts for Hispanic radicals
Contrary to their citizenship oaths (for those who bothered to arrive legally), radical Hispanics wish to take over the American Southwest and secede. After that, they’ll turn “Aztlan” into a place just like they left, of course. There are a couple of problems here. First of all, there are too many liberals in California, who they can’t get rid of because they’re paying all the taxes for the lavish welfare benefits they enjoy. Second, secession didn’t work out too well in Southeastern states a while back, so why do they think they’ll do better in the Southwest? Conducting a second Pickett’s Charge armed with leaf blowers is too risky. Fortunately, I have a better idea.
What they really need are better Latin American countries; then invading and dismembering another nation would be unnecessary. Currently, governments south of the border are usually run by corrupt plutocrats who don’t give a damn about the public (not an uncommon problem in the Western world too.) These kleptocracies don’t provide social services; they don’t have a middle class tax base to strip-mine for “income redistribution” like over here. Their plutocrats rely on immigration to the USA as the economic safety valve that keeps the impoverished masses from overthrowing them. For decades, our own plutocrats have been okie dokie with this arrangement; the Democrats want more bloc voters, and the Republicans want the cheap labor.
Send your radical Latino pals the economic writings of G.K. Chesterton and Hilaire Belloc, preferably in Spanish. Distributism will create healthy local-based economies in their countries of origin, eventually allowing them to get the crooks off their backs. Besides, they’ll need some reading material for a one-way bus trip back to where they belong.
Gifts for globalist billionaires
These guys are so bored that they fill their empty lives with extremely weird pursuits and destabilizing countries for funsies. What can you get for someone who’s richer than God? I have just the answer.
The motivational classic Who Moved My Cheese? will be a big hit. Some of them may have sent this to their own employees as a little parting gift during a “reorg”, “downsizing”, “rightsizing”, “offshoring”, or whatever they want to call canning thousands of people who actually got the job done. Some plebeians considered that sort of thing rather insulting—as Dilbert creator Scott Adams put it, a “patronizing message for the proletariat to acquiesce”—but some of the big shots likely haven’t read it themselves.
This might help to adjust their attitude after they’re thrown off the gravy train. That’s quite likely if the USA gets hip to Distributism too, as well as closing their special tax loopholes. For those who’ve been especially ambitious in screwing the public for personal profit, also include Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO’s Guide To Surviving Prison.
Gifts for Social Justice Warriors
SJWs are the lowest of the low on the radical totem pole. They have no real lives, are often batshit crazy, and want to welch on their massive loans for that gender studies Ph.D. Their approach to activism involves posting memes on Tumblr and screaming “Check your privilege!”, somehow believing this improves the world. I have the stocking stuffer just for them.
The gene pool needs a stiff dose of chlorine about now, and these “useless eaters” are (undeservedly) living proof. Help them permanently reduce their carbon footprint to zero by giving them a copy of suicide how-to book Final Exit.
Read More: 7 Recommended Products For Your Butthurt Liberal Friends
27 thoughts on “Awesome Holiday Gift Ideas For Liberals You Unfortunately Know”
A dildo with “made by the patriarchy” prominently displayed on it.
Ha. Couldn’t pass on an article by that headline. You gotta gift-wrap those divorce papers from time to time.
Tell your friends: when giving gifts to an SJW, include a heartily-belted, “Merry Christmas!” Heck, the gift is optional.
Belching as punctuation is also optional.
The fucking thumbnail. Lol.
Here is a better gift for the list of people mentioned in this article. IGNORE them. They don’t exist. Giving them anything even a hint of their existence gives them credibility which these folks don’t have and deserve. You go and live your life in how you see fit and live well. That is the best revenge.
I would give everyone on this list a lightsabering, or a good choking.
>These guys are so bored that they fill their empty lives with extremely weird pursuits and destabilizing countries for funsies.
So wait, you mean to tell me that George Soros and his Bankster Cronies have been funding this sort of havoc just for “Teh Lulz” and not for any sort of benevolent goal like a bunch of IRL 4chan trolls — MIND BLOWN!!!
>Understandably, it’s hard to get much action when their hair is buzzed short and dyed neon colors, their faces are all pierced up, their skin is covered in bad tattoos
tfw you had an undercut/sidecut and dyed neon hair and you managed to make it look hot as hell because it existed so long in the fetish community before Tumblr Feminism turned it into ABSOLUTE CRINGE and made it synonymous with “man hating”.
Then again, I suppose to the average RoK reader, those things have always been horrible.
We’re ignoring you.
What, ignoring a based hottie just because she’s an alt-grrl half of you would’ve creamed your shorts over just before this whole SJW crisis and radical Right Wing blowback. She’s a Classical Liberal just like Cassie Jaye from what I’ve read by her. Sure she’s a chick and this is a dude only site, but I’m giving her a chance. It’s just mind blowing to me how much different the guys who post on RoK are vs the guys who post on Roosh V forum. And oh yeah, this whole neomasculinity thing is gay IMHO and it probably would’ve never existed if not for the Feminazis and all the faggotry the Jews seem to be pushing right now.
Your average ROK reader (Including me) probably prefers a woman with A) some pubic hair so she does not look like a child but no underarm hair B) not too many tattoos to see her actual skin (Or most important her clitoris, for us sexist male pigs find that part of the female anatomy essential to spot easily) C) a more traditional female hair style (gasp).
I’m speaking from the male patriarchal pig point-of-view, of course.
As for Soros and his globalists I think “investors rights” are their biggest priority. Since half of them live in the South of France or not on US Soil they are not concerned enough with 4Chan types comprised mostly of males from the Flyover who had the misfortune to reach adulthood after the Recession and therefore lack the gas money or economic opportunity to leave the 10 blocks they were born or move out of their parents house at the age of 25.
I disagree with pedo-shaming those who like shaved pubic hair on a girl.
No actual child gets harmed in the process and it’s just a preference.
Male pigs will prefer a traditional female hairstyle and SOME pubic hair so a woman does not look like a 4 year old girl. This might be shocking.
Body art is okay but it detracts from the woman’s figure and especially important parts of her anatomy.
>Male pigs will prefer a traditional female hairstyle and SOME pubic hair so a woman does not look like a 4 year old girl. This might be shocking.
LOL, that doesn’t make you a “pig”, it just makes you a TradCon. Also, I self identify as a “Pro Male Feminist” and an actual liberal, not like the “liberals” this lulzy article writes about. Still, a lot of guys LOVE my hair and my tats since they’re actually hot and not some Tumblr Feminist abomination, plus I take care of myself and don’t smell like those horrid feminazi pigs that took over our scene — those are the real “pigs”!!!!
There are few red flags that indicate “Run. Run fast, run far- this individual is the cook- your- pets kind of crazy” like going around talking about the fetish community. Just saying.
I have a 2.5 cents suggestion. Provide a copy of the Soviet hit book: “A peasants Guide to the Gulag and fresh air”. I will bring joy to the joyless, fun to the fun-less, and will make for a pleasant read while riding in a cattle car to the next camp-up graded of course for this century. May also want to include the pamphlet: ” Wilderness Survival Guide after escaping from the camp”. A fun read to be sure.
This is supposed to be wry and ironic.. but this is, in actuality, what the United States of Hell has been reduced to. It is not funny.
Come on! I thought the one way trip to Africa was pretty funny.
Don’t be a party pooper!!
This is bullahit
I once silenced a sjw journalist bitching about the Patriarchy by simply stating. When has their not been a Patriarchy? He was so stumped I didn’t even have to follow up explaining all matriarchal societies have fallen.
The only thing those proglodytes deserve to get, in my opinion, is coal.
Of course, some of them will get triggered by that, but that’s what I had intended.
Wait, why would you want to give them FUEL???
In a SHTF scenario, that would be incredibly useful and would give them a “leg up” to push their moronic ideologies onto the world after what could’ve been a much needed “Hard Reset” to their destructive “culture jacking”.
Do you really think the people this article is about are gonna realize he’s giving them fuel? I think you’re giving them too much credit.
Mostly humorous article, although I must add some of the most fiercely patriotic Americans I met have been of Hispanic decent. Skin color does not make the man.
Also, “First of all, there are too many liberals in California, who they can’t get rid of because they’re paying all the taxes for the lavish welfare benefits they enjoy.” where are you getting the idea that welfare benefits are lavish. If you know anyone on welfare you certainly know they’re not living the high life.
GMO food, clothing from Vietnam and a section-8 apartment beats the rescue mission and a dumpster in the alley.
After these highly evolved SJW beings wipe out America then what?
Some more stale obsolote ideas from a 19th century German bum?
How goddamn progressive.
Why are SJW females always the one you wouldn’t want to have sex with if you were on a deserted island?