Juicing Will Kill You

In fact, everything will kill you – so you shouldn’t try anything new ever. You also shouldn’t be doing the things you’re doing now or the things you used to do. That’ll definitely super kill you.

Isn’t the internet great? No matter what topic you choose to research, there’s an Ivy PhD or MD out there touting the benefits while other equally credentialed specialists condemn it. Toss in the wacky comments section, and it’s nearly impossible to make an educated decision on anything anymore.

I’m not a juicing expert. In fact, I have only been juicing for a little over a month. I first became aware of juicing about six years ago when my parents started doing it, but I never really considered it as a topic worth researching until I started reading Juicing for Men. To my parents, juicing is about fresh orange juice and some miracle cure-all concoctions to make them take fewer piss breaks during the night.  They swear it works, so good for them.

I’m not going to share my recipes or regimen with you, because I’m still perfecting it. All I’ll offer is that I use juicing as a meal replacement 6 days per week, and on the 7th, I juice all day so that the organic produce I spent an arm and a leg for doesn’t spoil. So far, I have experienced two benefits from juicing:

1. I have lost an average of 1.7 lbs per week since I started. I don’t have much to lose, so these are the traditionally “stubborn” pounds people say are hard to drop. At this rate, I’ll be at my ideal weight in three weeks. Note: my other meals are healthy and well-balanced just as they’ve been for years. Dinner was usually my “bad” or “unhealthy” meal, so that’s the one I swapped out for juice.

2. I have a stressful job, and I have been taking an hour nap every day after work. After a week of juicing (including the one day juice fast) that ended. I haven’t felt the need to “rest my eyes” after work since. It’s not like I’ve gained a ton of energy, but I’m definitely less lethargic after the work day and the difference is noticeable.

But I’ll leave the pro-juicing advice and the perceived benefits thereof to the people I trust to give solid advice. So make sure you check out Juicing for Men if the topic interests you. But before you hop over there and read, I want to point out a few things that bugged the living piss out of me while I was researching the pros and cons of juicing.

A nutritionist is not a Registered Dietitian. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist. If I so choose, I can legally represent myself as the Chief Nutritionist at Return of Kings and even write books or articles – regardless of my education or lack thereof. A registered dietitian (RD) has been specifically trained, is allowed to conduct nutrition research, and is subject to the ADA. They must meet strict prerequisites and pass a national exam in order to achieve and maintain their credential.

Most of the zany pro or anti-juicing advice you’ll find out there comes from nutritionists, though many RDs have some unkind things to say about the practice as well. Here’s the three major cons of juicing that surface the most from credentialed RDs:

1. What about the fiber?! Yes, it’s true. When you juice, you’re throwing away a ton of beneficial fiber. So if you happen to be one of those guys who comes home from work every day and feasts on six carrots, a pound of spinach, three stalks of kale, two tomatoes, beets, and a bushel-full of other greens, you might want to stick with that. However, if consuming half of a produce aisle is not a daily part of your diet, you might be better served with firing up the juicer.

2. Death! Microbes! Black Plague! Orrrrganisms! Ok, I can see that. So if you’re a complete retard whose juicing practices include using a filthy juicer and letting your juice bake in the sun at room temperature by the window for two hours before consuming it, you might want to just stick with fresh foods.

3. Don’t come crying to me when you’re dead! If you suffer from Nephropathy as a result of advanced diabetes, consuming a sugar cocktail of 4 oranges and 3 apples three times a day may lead you to a premature dirt nap. Of course, this goes for a wide variety of chronic conditions, so always consult your medical provider before trying any new diet. That doesn’t mean juicing is bad – it means bad juicing is bad.

That’s it for me on the subject, so again, I’ll defer to the experts from here on out. But I did want to share the benefits I’ve experienced and shed some light on the most commonly touted cons of juicing from my research. The purpose of this post was primarily to raise awareness of juicing and encourage you to do your own fact-finding.

Note: I am not suggesting that my juice blend helps me lose weight. But it does provide a nutritionally rich meal replacement that’s far better than skipping a meal or using mass-produced chemical-laden alternatives such as Slim Fast shakes. Calories in vs. calories out has always been and shall always be the deal. Eat right and exercise – that’s the key whether you juice or not. In addition, my extra energy may simply be from cutting out a shitty greasy dinner after I get home, and not the juice itself. But either way, I find juicing to be a tremendous asset as I strive to achieve, maintain, and sustain optimal health.

Don’t Miss: Juicing: Flash In The Pan Or Growing Lifestyle Movement?

34 thoughts on “Juicing Will Kill You”

  1. I’m totally ignorant of this, and so I won’t speak to juicing specifically. (Although I will say that I imagine it’d wreak havoc on your insulin sensitivity, thus lowering your testosterone because of high carb content. However, maybe this is not the case.)
    But I will encourage everybody – but men especially – to watch ‘Fat Head’ for free on Hulu. It makes fun of that SWPL favorite, ‘Super Size Me’ and points out some flagrant lies in it. Along the way, ‘Fat Head’ encourages the paleo/Primal diet. (Meat, veggies, fruit, dairy. Minimal grains and processed foods.)
    The paleo diet is high in saturated fat (animal fats) which increase testosterone. Study after study after study has shown the link between saturated fat and testosterone. An obvious instance of this is the fact that America’s meat consumption has plummeted since 1985, and men’s T-levels have also plummeted.
    You need your meat (especially red meat) for testosterone, sperm levels (zinc and magnesium), and actually most ALL of your hormones are based in saturated fat.

    1. +1 on Fat Head, just watched it over the weekend. It’s a little long but entertaining, especially when making fun of Spurlock or the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI), led by that idiot Michael Jacobson.

      1. Yeah, thanks dude. ‘Fat Head’ is an absolute riot to watch, but it’s also very informative.

  2. I juiced for a couple weeks but unfortunately raw juices seem to give me diahrrea and stomach aches. Now I just eat some greens with every meal including breekfast

    1. That happens to a lot of people. Your stomach contains around 5 pounds of bacteria in it. Your gut is considered a second brain:
      There’s a link between what’s living in your gut and depression/anxiety disorders.
      Most people who start juicing talk of improved mood. That’s due in part to an improvement in your gut’s health.
      When you’ve eaten a poor diet, harmful rather than helpful bacteria populate your gut. Once you start juicing, new beneficial bacteria are introduced into the ecosystem and a war rages.
      As old, bad bacteria die off, there’s a detox reaction.
      Seems like a lot of mumbo jumbo but there’s tons of science out there.
      Tip for travelers: Using probiotics on the road has been shown to prevent “traveller’s diarrhea.”
      Juice is a pre-biotic. That is, it’s food for the probiotics. When you juice, you feed the good bacteria and starve the bad ones.
      After your diet has improved, you may find that juicing no longer gives you those symptoms. Eating vegetables leads to a similar die-off, it just does so slowly due to the decreased volume of fruits and vegetables. A juice may contain 8-12 servings of vegetables, which can be a bit of an overdose for someone with a sick gut.

  3. Thanks for the link.
    It really is amazing how much hate juicing gets.
    People say, “Fructose in fruit gives you diabetes.” Yet if you actually follow what happens to people who start juicing, you realize the opposite: “Juicers” go off their diabetes medication.
    People say, “Fructose makes you fat!” But again people who throw some apples into a kale juice lose fat.
    People get into really heated arguments about juicing v. blending. FWIW, I do both:
    Human have a natural reaction to reject anything novel. How can people hate on something they’ve never tried or even seriously looking into? Again, that’s part of the human condition.
    Thanks again for the link.

    1. Head over to YouTube to watch the following:
      1. videos by Robert Lustig of the University of Caifornia, San Francisco talking about sugar — especially “Sugar: The Bitter Truth”
      2. “The Men Who Made Us Fat” by the BBC. (Lustig is interviewed, so it’s a complement to his own vids)
      Fructose is indeed a major health hazard if consumed unchecked, which is what happenes with high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) sweetened beverages and foods. (Truth: it’s in more shit, mostly processed, than you think — just check the labels.) Fructose, so studies have shown, goes straight to the liver, which then converts it into fat. Sucrose, in contrast, takes a bit longer to digest and metabolize.
      The thing about fructose in fruit is that (1) it’s more natural than HFCS, which is synthesized in the lab; and (2) what fruit you do consume in non-juiced form contains the fiber, which fills you up. Our paleolithic ancestors didn’t gorge on fruit because they felt full after about two apples’ worth. And, of course, they didn’t gorge on Coke or Pepsi, either. Hence, lower body weights and probably very, very few instances of diabetes.
      I use juice as meal replacements and they keep me fuller during the day. Sure, some might scoff at juicing because you’re not getting the fiber, but juicing allows me to consumer the fruits and veggies I need. Until I started juicing, I never ate celery, beets, or some of the other less appetizing veggies out there. Too bad I didn’t know this when I was younger because I could have avoided those fat spells I had because of too much processed junk.

      1. There is an entire subculture of people who eat nothing but fruit. They call it the 80-10-10 diet and you can see their YouTube videos. Many people have lost fat following a “fruitarian” diet.
        Although that is not a diet I espouse, my question to “fruit haters,” is this: Why aren’t those people fat? Why do people lose massive amounts of fat when consuming nothing but fruit?
        I personally eat around 10 servings of fruit a day – including sugary bananas. I’ve posted my blood work to my blog and my pic is right up there. Suffice it to say no one is calling me fat.
        Why are my fasting blood sugar levels so low and my body lean if fruit is poison that kills you and makes you obese?
        Incidentally, the science supports the view that fruit leads to a healthier body and longer lifespan:
        Guys gotta stop following gurus and linking to YouTube lectures as if they mean anything. Open your eyes and look around and think for yourself.
        Where are all of these fat fruit eaters? It’s not hard to figure out why people are fat. It’s not because they are eating 4 apples or 10 bananas. It’s because they are sedentary and slurping lattes.

  4. Slightly off-topic, but an acidic diet irritates your prostate. I don’t eat fruit as much as my younger days.
    What you want is alkaline urine. Buy some pH strips and check your urine when you piss. It should peg into the purple zone (high pH), which is what your prostatic fluid will read.
    My personal theory is that acidic urine irritates the prostate, which functions better when alkaline.
    Green tea works great for driving your urine alkaline. Also a small amount of baking soda in water late at night keeps it alkaline the next day. You will notice a distinct comfort improvement when your urine has higher pH.

    1. I absolutely believe in the “alkaline diet,” although it sounds too guruish and new age for my taste.
      When I eat more meat and less veggies, my body feels “hotter” and more “acidic.” When I eat more veggies and fruit, my body feels cooler. My joints ache less.
      Most of the top bodybuilders throw in broccoli and other alkaline vegetables in with their chicken breasts, so there must be something to it.

      1. Thanks for the corroboration.
        Back in the 70s my hipster friends were big on fasting, alkaline and mucusless diets. This was old-school stuff from early 20th century but failly sensible when you considered it. I could never pull off full-blown fasting but was able to clean up my diet a lot. I struggle now with my ForeignBride, as seen in “A Man Wants a Wife, Not a Co-Worker”, but in fact the viet diet is high in vegetables and seafood so I do ok if I don’t eat all the pastries and other delights she makes for me.

  5. @FitJuice: My pleasure. Thanks for adding the recipes, and offering level-headed advice.
    Along with the other criticisms you’ve listed, I find that a lot of nutrition experts assume that people who juice intend to never eat solid foods again. They write articles as if everyone who buys a juicer will juice three meals per day for the rest of their lives.
    Stupid. But like you said, it’s the human condition.

    1. Most people – including and perhaps especially “experts” like dietitians – can’t think critically. They can only repeat the dogma someone put in their head. A thinking person would say:
      “OK, most Americans are revolting and fat. They are going to either drink some juice or have a latte from Starbucks. So even if it would be ideal for them to eat a plate of veggies, at least they are juicing. I should therefore not say anything to discourage a healthy behavior.”
      That’d be the most logical position to take, right?
      Instead the “experts” bash juicing, which only leads Joe Sixpack to have a venti frappo instead.
      The better side of me hates experts for causing so much harm.

  6. nice bait and switch with the provocative title, ha, thought D&P would have a fit when he saw this!
    Seriously though, I really do need to get into juicing.
    Any blender recommendations?
    I’m poor and based in the UK so American brands with high import taxes are probably a no go

    1. Get a cheap blender (used, from a yard sale or whatever you have in the UK). Blend up things that are easy to blend – stuff like spinach and other leafy greens. Just mix a little water in with your spinach and then you have green juice. Add a banana or apple or two for sweetness.

  7. @anon: I shoplifted my juicer from WalMart. Check out the Juicing for Men link in the article. He has an entire section on how to choose a juicer.
    The only one WalMart had in a box small enough to steal was a Jack Lalanne juicer. Works for me, but it’s my first one. I’ve already decided to upgrade in a few months now that I see the benefits.

  8. You can have your juice and eat the fiber too.
    My daily juice consists of the following
    1 Apple
    1 Pear
    1 Lebanese Cucumber
    3/4 large bag of spinach or kale
    5 celery stalks
    2 lemons
    grated ginger and chopped mint.
    Small amount of water.
    Blend it all up in a blender – not a juicer – and drink. Has made a huge difference to my overall health,
    skin and recovery in the gym.

    1. i tried to do something similar as i used to make superjuice for a vitamin c boost (1 grapefruit, 1 orange, 1 lemon, 1 lime) but it failed to blend into anything drinkable in my blender. I’m still debating getting a juicer but i’ve been basically just making myself eat vegetables that I can’t currently convince myself to drop a bunch of money on a juicer when i might end up never using it.

  9. Dietitians being subject to government oversight is a bad thing. The US government doesn’t know shit when it comes to nutrition.

  10. The State of California requires nutritionists to be registered and take a board certification test. You can call yourself a nutritionist but if you’re taking clients and operating under this guise without certification you will suffer the same consequences as someone claiming to be an RD or doctor, can be sued for malpractice, etc. It is true an RD conducts diet and nutrition research but so can a registered nutritionist. ALL OF THIS varies by state!

    1. I had the same thought, but only b/c I just used the word in a casual conversation relating an old (20yr old) experience. and my hubby called me out on using the word. I was embarrassed that I hadnt ever considered how outdated and un-pc it is.

  11. I just started juicing…and this post made me laugh. There’s so much info out there and it’s confusing. I thought I was going to get a rare parasite or contract diabetes but that didn’t happen to me either. Instead I’ve lost weight and feel/look amazing. Thanks for the info! Cheers.
    Oh and as for the retard comment…well nothing is “PC” these days…don’t get too offended….He was just being funny.

  12. I was once a skeptic… every day I choked down a couple Tylenols and ibuprofen just to get through the day. I ate pizza at least 4 times a week while gulping a pot of coffee throughout the day. At night I had to slam benedril just to sleep because of insomnia. I felt like a zombie… with luck I saw the movie everyone talks about “fat sick and nearly dead”. With just one juice a day I went from barely living to loving life. Slowly medication dwindled, I had more energy and before I knew it I was happy with life. Juicing saved my life. That was just one meal a day. P.s. I love your article. Juicing is not for everyone.

  13. Retard is a perfectly legitimate epitaph. Anybody who uses it is not referring to actual retards and everybody knows it. Hey, if we can use every kind of derogatory remark known to man on this site, why not retard?

  14. Recipe for ROCKET FEUL:
    10 oz carrot juice
    1 oz garlic oil
    5 caps gensing
    3 oz Bicardi 181 proof (or 1 flask wild irish rose depending on taste)
    4 oz raw local honey
    1 heaping tbsp powdered cayenne pepper
    3 oz whipping cream (sweetens & cuts the burn of the red pepper)
    5 colon cleanse caps
    3/4 tsp sea salt
    1 can Nos energy drink
    500-1000mg niacin (standard)
    prepare for blastoff:
    mix, drink & ZOOOM!!
    note the honey is a ‘total’ food like mother’s milk only for bees. It gives a smooth nourishing burn to the mixture.

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