How To Identify A Roast Beef Vagina

We’ve all been there.  Your dapper charming self has wooed a girl by way of traditional date or maybe night time escalation.  You get home, the mood is right, the drinks have been flowing and you have convinced her that in fact, yes… sex is a great idea.  That magic moment comes when you start undressing her, she is on your bed and lifts her perfectly shaped bottom 6 inches off the duvet cover so you can slide her underwear off.  And then you see it…

The dreaded roast beef.  The meat curtains.  The sleeve of wizard.  Call it what you will, but for most that is quite the turn off and the last thing a man like yourself wants to see flapping in the wind before engaging in the feel-good coitus that could have been.  Contrary to popular belief, it is not genetic.  Nor is it caused by how many men she’s slept with, or how large those men were.  Some porn stars have beautiful entry points.  So how does one avoid such a surprise?  Are there ways to identify roast beef prior before it’s too late?  The answer is YES, and here are 5 ways to do so:

1. The Fatty Paradox

Most fat girls do not have the carcass cape.  The reason is simple — the excess fat in and around the pelvic region creates an inverse effect on the vaginal lips, pushing out the blubber and inducing an inwards turn of the labia.  Similar to how a black hole operates, the skin is sucked inwards creating the nice vagina effect.  While she may pound away a ton of roast beef, at least her nether region will be devoid of any such flap happy activity.

2. Vowels

Avoid girls whose names end in consonants.  This may seem strange and unsubstantiated by science, but it’s true.  If you have an Erica, a Melissa, an Yvonne, or perhaps an Alexandra, rest assured you will have that perfect slit surprise when you are ready to do the deed.  The beautiful symmetry of a nicely shaped vagina, each lip in direct proportion to the other only separated by a slight line.  No excess labial flap, no peek-a-boo wraparound meat skin.  It’s called the “o” face for a reason.

However, god speed to you if you happen to go home with a Marilyn, an Allison, a Brittany or dare I say a Colleen.  I hope you have your spelunking gear ready, because it is going to take some cavernous digging to find that clitoris under those goose wings.

3. Vegetarians

This one is self-explanatory.  I have yet to meet a vegetarian girl who sports dildo drapes.  If she doesn’t eat meat, she doesn’t yield meat.  Rumor has it that protein deficiency causes aesthetically pleasing vaginal formation, but the medical studies have yet to come in on this.  Stay tuned.

4. Window Coverings

This tactic only works if you end up at her place.  Are her windows covered with blinds and shutters…or curtains and drapes?  If it’s blinds or shutters, she psychologically identifies her slit with straight, symmetrical openings.  Proceed as normal.  If she has curtains or drapes however, she is accustomed to long, malleable pieces of fabric.  You can see where this is going…

5. Gym Clothes

Let’s be honest, those accordion lips take up some extra room.  So when you meet a girl at a bar, or the office or maybe a friend’s dinner party, just innocuously bring up the gym and what people wear while they exercise.  Mention your underarmour clothing.  Tell her you have noticed a trend in yoga pants and spandex leggings for female gym attendees.  Does she balk at the idea of wearing things so tight?  Does she discuss the “freedom” of loose shorts for exercise?  If so, you may have a closet pancake draper.  Conversely, if she is one of the major proponents of lululemon pants then you may very well have a lady who sports an = sign for a vagina.  Congratulations, a winner is you.

Hopefully I have saved some of you from the pain generally associated with being lured into the large labia luncheon.  So there you have it.  Five almost indisputable ways to identify, and consequently avoid, roast beef.

Read Next: The Perfect Woman: Lips

179 thoughts on “How To Identify A Roast Beef Vagina”

  1. Wow. This site is so fucking sexist it’s no longer funny. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing reading these “manosphere” tripes. I’m starting to see what feminists are talking about now.

        1. Actually, it is you who doesn’t get it. Vulgarity and profanity have their proper places. It’s been part of of good literary license for centuries. Don’t believe me? Try reading some of the plays of Aristophanes. Profane, bathroom humor, and sexually vulgar beyond belief. Or, on that note, take a look at some of the frescoes on the walls of Pompeii. Or check out the bawdier poems in Geoffrey Chaucer. All of them far worse than this. And I could go on and on. So, chill.

        2. Um, no. Just no. It is a well-known FACT that the classics like Aristotle or Twilight did not contain any form of sexism or misogyny whatsoever. It is you who don’t get it.

        3. Holy shit, did you just call Twilight a classic piece of literature?
          Hahahahahahaha, moron.

        4. It’s starting to smell like sticky dildos, cats, and lonely in here. Now FOAD, bitch.

        5. Hahahahahahaha you must be trying to troll the april first post with your own form of april first trolling.
          Aristotle did not write anything sexist? Then why do feminists hate him? From wikipedia:
          “He saw women as less than slaves because they didn’t do as much work. In his book poetics, he explains that every once in a while a good woman will come along. He goes on to say that the only thing they are good for is basically having children.”
          Criticized at length by feminists here:

        6. No need to worry. I’m on the phone summoning the WAAAAA-mbulance right now to whisk you off to the AWWWW-spital. Take two DRAMA-mines and call the doctor in the morning.

        7. YOU, don’t get it, do you? This is very tame compared to the eons women have been talking about tiny penises. How many times you talk about men having small penises and making fun of them. There is even a song about it, by some female group back about 10 years ago. Here are the facts: women stick baseball bats and other large objects inside their vaginas and end up with these nasty looking parts and then blame men to being disgusted and turned off? Well, compare that to a man with a small penis. He is born that way and cannot change that. But women can, sometimes, change that by not using their vaginas as a parking garage.

        8. lol i just came across this article and i hate to coment on 11 month old shit but uummmmm Twilight and aristotle called classic’s in the same sentence? Grow the F up twilight is wack ass pre teen BS that is so far from “classic” that it and yourself are a joke

        9. You’re fucking stupid. I hope you just stay on this site for the rest of your life so no woman will face the abuse that illuminates off your computer screen. It’s not a joke. The writers have said that this is what they conclude from their life experiences.

        10. Um. No. The size of an inner labia doesn’t change with what’s been inside of the vagina. It’s genetic. I disagree with women who say hurtful things towards the penises they don’t prefer, and I disagree with men who say hurtful things towards the vaginas they don’t prefer. Hm, I think we need a better sex ed system in our schools so we avoid having as many clueless people.

        11. bats and other large objects? Holy shit, you are either a teen boy or some guy has known no women in his life except for his Mama. The way male OR female parts look is genetic, jack ass.

        12. Women rag on men all the time so be quite, just cuz u have roast beefs dont mean people need to walk on egg shells for u.

        13. Wen find sexism in any and all things. There are feminist who say GAY PORN is sexist towards women. Yes GAY PORN, last time i checked there arent any women in gay porn, i mean come in gay guys are suppose to nit like vaginas in the first place. I ask myself do they just not want men to be haooy without a woman in there or what.

        14. Lol ur right ibe seen women out dildoes with 5inche diameter and more no penis i know has a diameter of 5 inch. Ive seen women put 2 hands inside vaginas lol i know i look at fucked up shit simetimes i have to like turn my comouter iff. Anyways you can even fit a foot inside a vagina. Anyways scientifically only 3 inches if the vgina have enough nerve endings to feel anything. And even then without rubbung the clit she might not even get an orgasm. Insead of having a long oenis men should aspire to have fat thick ones since thats what women want is the stretch from a thick phallus not the lenght.

        15. He is right, they do infact out those things in there u must be a child why are u here.

    1. I agree, Carson – I need to go wash my brain out with some sweet, sweet Jezebel & Lindy West, the most beautiful & tolerant person in this here world!

    2. why is everyone junking this comment? he’s clearly pulling a double-april-fool, and is not in actuality a mangina.

      1. Yep. And well done too.
        P.S. I’ve dated a couple of vegetarians in my time – no roast beef vaginas. Thinking that one may be true.

      2. It was funny for a while but then it just got sad. Unless they were pulling a triple-april-fool and trolling me back by pretending to not get it.

  2. Sign #5 says talk to women in the office about what gym attire they tend to wear….that’s the real joke…

  3. Is this supposed to be satire, or amusing? It fails on both counts. It certainly doesn’t help and this stuff just gives ammunition to our enemies.

    1. …don’t be a bitch about this. If some broad wrote a tongue in cheek deal about how to avoid men with small cocks, we’d all laugh….well, most of us.

  4. Funny thing is, this last fling (short lived) I had fit into all the criteria. Window Curtains, slim, gym shorts, was a vegetarian (during adolescence), and her name was Katelin. Fml

  5. Profound as the deepest ocean and lights from above in heavenly bliss of the maker’s vision,

  6. The actually curious thing about this is how I actually had roast beef on april 1st. Damn tasty too.

      1. Your mother did an incredible job raising you. All the effort she out into raising you and this is how you turn out how sad. Your probably some sad pathetic man who is unable to please any women so you react with rudeness. Typical 🙂 enjoy your day. It’s not the size it’s probably your disgusting attitude. I find it funny how men feel they can talk to women any way they want however as a female we are always suppose to honor and respect. If we say something about money we are gold diggers if we say something about penis sizes than we are shallow. Men today are so arrogant and rude it’s sad.

        1. women talk to men how they want so whats ur point, women want abs, money and tall dark and handsome,
          men want no meat curtains, hot and good at blowjobs yup yup

        2. No, I always dated overweight
          Older men who like video games and japanese anime like my boyfriend now of 3 years ive dated thinner men its not my thing not all women are the same

        3. Nope. Not what all men. Woman may joke about a guys body or penis (most don’t, honestly) but they don’t actually care. Just like most men with half a brain realize the labia comes in many shapes, size, colors, and textures. Wanting a vagina that looks like a prepubescents seems odd to me …

        4. Oh yes bring on those ad hominem, yes just bring em.
          I’ve eaten pussy that was nice and tuck she was 47 by the way i was 24. So does this mean that that 47 year old woman was prepubescent,mmm nice way to contradict urself after saying they come in all shapes and size then make a reference that only prepubescent girl only have em, stupid.
          Women are the pickiest most women won’t date men who are shorter than 6’0″ and women talk a lot of shit about male bodies all the time especially the penis and size. Pretty much this whole generation of women just want 12″ which only about a hand full of men have em. Literally like maybe a few thousand men have em. The average around the world is 6, I know girls are bad at math but come on.
          If women want perfection in men then I want a nice tuck pussy I’m not asking for thin, hot or rich or tall just a nice kitty lol

        5. Trust me, woman only joke about penis size. Out of all my friends, not a single one has EVER commented on a guys penis size. Heck, the vagina barely has any nerve endings compared to the clitoris. So size really doesn’t matter.
          As for a 47 year old with a “nice tucked” labia (whatever that means), yes it does look prebubescent. I didn’t say prefering that is necessarily wrong, just an odd preference. And even if her vulva looks like that of a 10 year old, it doesnt make her any less of a woman.
          At the end of the day, I hope men and woman are not choosing their partners just based on the apperance of their genitals.

        6. And my major point was: Polls and research have proven most grown men (over 18) prefer a woman with labia. Therefore, your point that men all want a vulva that looks prebubescent (not an insult, just what it looks like) is not true.

        7. nice way to contradict urself after saying they come in all shapes and size then make a reference that only prepubescent girl only have em, stupid.”

        8. And whatever we say we are labeled as “arrogant” and “rude”. Nice double standards!

        9. Mad feminazi detected. You got some roast beef curtains you’re feeling insecure about?

        10. Lol you’re a complete fool. Please describe a conversation in which you could talk about penis size OR money and not come across as shallow or a gold digger. I’d love to hear it.

        11. So, turn to be gay. Because 90% of the woman have the inner vagina lips longer than the outside vagina lips.
          Show your testicules, I will see if there are too many skin there.

        12. Im not frustrated lol i got hit on at a taco stand at the park and ended up fucking the girl the next weekend. So how am i frustrated. Im actually decent looking and built im also ex military so im fit and have stamina. Im just saying women talk shit about men and want to judge men all the time so why cant i do it. I want what i want women have passed me for being 5’7″ so ive passed on women for being fat or ugly. Its called preference and if you put a skinny cute girl with a tucked pussy next to a fat girl with 3 inch meat curtains regardless of how pretty she is the men on average will choose the cute skinny tucked girl i would go out on a limb and say 70-80% of the time

        13. Whats this about, are you agreeing or dissagreeing and also i said that to another commenter. She said only prepubescent girls have no meat curtains then said that they come in all shapes and sizes, just pointing out her contradiction.

        14. All the women i have slept with had no meat curtains, i know cuz i love giving women head, im the best at it, i love it. I love women and im not going to be gay any time soon. Plus even if your STATISTIC is right, which we all know is wrong by the way, 10% of 7 billion is still a lot of pussy to go around lol.
          If you have meat curtains u can get surgery if u feel so insecure about it, lol. Im sure you can find a fat desperate guy to date you if you cant find anyone, there are a lot of nerdy desperate fat guys out there, EVERYWHERE HAHAHAHAHA

        15. Meat curtains is different from lips that can been seen outside the outside lips.
          You are not a reference. My reference can be found in medicine books…
          So, do you think you are more clever than a good ol’ book of gynecology?

        16. You seem like a frustrated.
          A boy who kept unnoticed by girls, and seek revenge. Lol, frustration among feminists is easy to spot, it’s as easy to spot among the kind of speech you have.

        17. Again im not frustrated, unlike you who seems overly hurt by this article and appearantly ur humongous roast beef. You can keep throwing ad hominems but ur curtains wont go away or make guys less repulse by them. Bah-bye, and dont trip on ur meat curtains on the way out.

        18. Of course I’m hurt. I’m a woman. Do you think I’m like a carpet?
          You are very weird!!!
          I always been against physical discrimination, if I see a man, or a woman, who is discriminated this way, I think it’s disgusting.
          I like human dignity, you see, and I don’t like people to be considered as meat by other people..
          Maybe the reason why you fail with women… We don’t like men with animal set of mind.

        19. I don’t have meat curtain, but you have a meat brain.
          I defend human beings, I have morals. You don’t.
          Keep consider women as meat, you will never succeed nor being estimated by them…

        20. I dont need female respect, not much there in the first place women only respect money and themselves nothing else.

        21. Well ur wrong again if they didnt then i would still be a virgin, and not get sex on the regular so yeah.
          U must have pretty low self esteem yo be on her trying to defend meat curtains lol

        22. I have a normal self esteem, and hate male who insult women because of their own low esteem.
          I talk like a scientifically educated person, and it doesn’t seem to be your case…
          Most of the women haven’t the sex of porn star. Porn stars did surgery to have that kind of pussy.
          Your personal attacks show how insecure and immature you are.
          I talk to you about science, not immature troll feelings.

        23. I’m a scientist. The frustrated guy is the one arguing against the evidence of science.

        24. My self esteem is fine, and i really dont care about ur flappy bits. I approve what pornstars do they are smart enough to have surgery and removee those flaps eww
          Ill stick with smooth girls, there are a lot of females born without meat curtains and they never develop large flaps, ive been with a few milfs who were 37-49 and their vaginas were beautiful and tasty lol. Ur just mad your genes suck

        25. ummmm most do care… when it comes to the penis… just be real. If it’s small, and you can’t feel it at all… there IS a problem, and many jokes will be made, have been made and to deny it is, well… you guessed it… DENIAL. I will agree with you on the body. Because that can change. If you aren’t pleasing your siggy, then, half of your relationship is a lie. Unless he just REALLY good with his tongue and a dildo, and has a great sense of humour as well as an IQ to make up for the lacking in the growing department.

        26. Erm nooo, not all of them had surgery to have that, believe or not some of us have that naturally! haha

        27. Im skinny. 17. Weigh 115lbs. Am a virgin. Shy but flirty. Many guys have asked me out actually but i tried watching porn and realized my vagina didnt look perfect. I dont judge really on appearance. This isnt a lie, ive fallen for guys shorter than me and im 5″3′. My vagina is a bit asymmetrical, not horrible but i hated it for a long time. Im not a feminist really, but pardon me for being another girl that you hurt the feelings of. I dont have money for surgery. Also, if you looked up the statistics (3/4 of women aren’t born with pornstar vaginas). So im not sure if you are just very unhappy of selective or what. But you sir, made a 17 year old girl sad. You are quite disrespectful for a military man by the way

        28. I don’t really care what you think or that you cried. I go off of what I OBSERVE and observations are more accurate than the lies humans tell.
          Go to the gym and work out it will help with self esteem it’s not my job to protect you emotions and feelings. If you cried because of what I said then you clearly need some help.

        29. I’m not bitter I’m fine. I wasn’t bullied I fought and did get jumped but I did grow up in the projects/ghetto so sooner or later even the toughest guy will get street jumped. Also I use to bully other kids kick em slap em trip them lol, kids will be kids. To be honest bullet ng sucks but it makes you feel good to hurt other people, I know it’s psychotic but I do have psychopathic/sociopathic traits and my emotions are very dull but anger is the only one that I express the most and annoyance. The one thing that pisses me off is people too stupid to realize that the world isn’t fair and the ones who complain about etting judged but they themselves judge lol hypocrisy is in fashion I guess.
          I am on the other hand jaded by the lies humanity tells yet they don’t actually mean what they say. They say I love everyone no matter how they look yet men and women know for a fact that they are lying but no one seems to check them on that lie, so I decided to be the hypocrisy police and drive their self esteem down to the grown just like they drive a lot of people to suicide and or cutting.
          It makes my day when I put down a good looking person and make them feel like shit, it’s a just reward, any chance I get I make it happen I make it my priority. Feminist are my favorite victims. Like the fat shaming campaign lololololololol these fat cows want a buff guy with rippling abs carved by Michaelangelo himself but don’t even try to lose the extra 400lbs they have. I also put guys down but it’s rare to see a guy actually say “oh yeah I love fat girls they are awesome I would choose a fat girl over a skinny girl any day” I usually just see fat chubby guys glamorizing fat chubby girls cuz that’s all they get but then I get pissed when a fat chubby girl shames a fat chubby guy for being fat and chubby yet she refuses or is to stupid to realize she is in the same boat as the guy. It’s the same for chubby guys who shame chubby girls.
          No I’m not fat i just actually finished my 1 hour run,im in great shape

        30. May be odd for you but it’s our odometer fraud Carfax when you tell us you’ve slept with only a few guys

  7. I don’t care if this is an April Fool’s Day joke, it’s disgusting. How do you think it makes women with “roast beef vaginas” (it’s really called the vulva) feel? Fine, everyone has their tastes, but you don’t have to go around ruining women’s self-esteem. If this is supposed to be satire, it is extremely stupid, distasteful, and sexist.

    1. I’m fine with your disgust, as long as you aren’t a hypocrite (assuming that you are a woman) — i.e. ragging on dudes about the size of their penis. As an owner of a rather small penis, I have seen several snarky articles written by women that aren’t great for my self-esteem either.
      That said, this article IS indeed in poor taste, and I personally prefer a fleshier vagina (not that it really matters). I know other men who feel the same way — there are lots of Tumblrs and such dedicated to women with large labia.

      1. yo ust told on youtself you have a small penis!
        also, full vagina lips are like full facial lips..theyre desireable!
        unlike flat walls. and comparing a vaina with a small penis is hilarious! because ur mad women call out ur small penis you want to talk about fleshy vaginas? lool. thats like saying if u dont like my bald head i will talk about ur long luxurious locks 🙂
        go look up FGM..its artlces like yours thats why women in villages chop a woman’s vulva.

        1. No. The village chopping is due to old cultural tribalism where men were gone for long periods of time to hunt for food. It was believed that if Doris didn’t have a clitorus, she wouldn’t be out hunting for strange meat. Has nothing to do with meat curtains and esthetic appeal.

        2. Oh my god Samantha has said the absolute most idiotic, brainless thing I have EVER seen in the internet. You actually think a blog post (from a rather unknown I might add) is something that causes religious based female circumcisions…Are youfor real? Those have uunfortunately been going on for over A THOUSAND YEARS!!!! Some even believe as far back as recorded time. I dont know if you are 6 years old or 60, but im inclined to believe the former, as otherwise you would know the internet has only been around for about 22 years in its essentially current form. No more than 50 years in ANY form. (Yes the military version was glorified text messaging, but it was networked and dates to the 1960s not the modern Al Gore internet but still) Soooo…if we do the math, it’s about 965 years minimum before the internet was just a pipe dream that girls were getting thier curtains and drapes altered by village thuggery. I reallllllllllllllllly hope you are just a little kid, because the thought of an adult with reasoning skills like you just scares the ballsagg right out of my sack.

        3. I Love large labia women in Africa are taught to elongate their labia for sexual pleasure and powerful orgasms. Bring the lovely large labia on the bigger the better

        4. Trust me there is nothing desirable about bloated puffy vagina lips. Bitch you crazy.

      2. Dumbest article ever written no one is offended we just think u are a dumbass

      3. i got a small penis too
        but theres no point in being unfair to others
        because some silly people were unfair to you
        i love vaginas in any kind of varities cause in fact, its the pleasure of hearing the woman moaning with joy that i primarily like

      4. lmbo… I rather enjoyed the humour behind the post… I thought it was funny… I am not the owner of a “fleshy” Labia, so maybe t hat’s why I didn’t get offended but I just took it as satire. If people really believe that your name has anything to do with your vag then jokes on you. Keep writin what YOU want… screw everyone else… no pun intended… seriously though… you can do that if you wanna?! lol

        1. It’s not the methods that the author mentions that’s offensive, nor how serious this article is. It’s the name calling and the hate that is terribly offensive. How would you like it if your biggest insecurity was called out and given horrible names? It makes you feel like nobody will want you, even if you have the hottest body ever, you forever live with the title “beef curtains flapping in the wind” slapped onto what is supposed to be your most powerful and enticing body part. It feels just awful.

        2. Get surgery, plus women rag on men all the time and go out of their way to make fun of men ALLLLL THE TIME. I rag in women as much as i can, every time i put a girl down i feel good cuz they use to out me down too, revenge is served cold. Now im buff and look decent enough to be hit on regularly, I even have girls full on tell me im hot lol it makes me blush. Anyways i still feel jaded when i was younger and fat girls would make fun of me so now when i get the chance i dont feel bad for making fun of washed up women and ugly ones its a cruel world rather be the bully than the one being bullied.

        3. Lmao!! Do you really have no idea how fuckin pathetic you sound talking about how you’re “buff” & some girls even “full on tell you you’re hot” lmfao!! You look like the biggest fool guy… please just stop 😂😂😂

    2. Relax. I have large labia and I laughed (of course it doesn’t hurt that my husband likes them.) If a silly April Fool’s article is enough to ruin a woman’s self esteem, she’s got bigger problems than a little roast beef.

      1. I agree and when a real couple have sex the woman is the provocative beautiful object of desire at What point in any porn movie or your own sexual experience has a man stopped and said no no roast beef sorry I have to stop. This guy sounds like a faggot clearly has no experience with a woman

        1. Ive actually done it, i stumbled on like 4 inch long labias and stopped the porn half way they were very distracing and just thinking about outting them in my mouth just made me almost puke sorry not everyone like roast beef, its so bad i hardly even eat real roast beef cuz it reminds me if beef curtains eww.

    3. I had my beef curtains removed and donated them to the local burn unit. Now little Timmy has a new set of ears.

    4. I personally don’t have large Labia Majora or Minora but, I think that you are getting a bit too mad here…. it’s just a joke. And there are more important things to worry about.

    5. Its not sexist, its equality, if telling the truth is sexist then im a suoer sexist then. Ill tell you if you are fat or ugly right away or if you smell fishy down there i dont care its life get use to it. Girls need to stop being dumb

  8. I am glad to be a VAGetarian. Roast beef is disgusting! I love this article. Kudos to the author. It’s high time to get back at women for all the tiny penis remarks, articles, jokes, and songs. Maybe some of you can have some compassion now that you know how men feel about nasty, disgusting roast beef. Yuck!

    1. Charlie however big a labia we are way morw beautifil than a gross ugly cock and its so gross hanging outside your body its an organ big ugly dangly smelly and u pee out of it then expect us to suck it and men fuck each others butts too how savage and dirty and disgusting spreading disease and hiv.
      U think we care wat u think about a small piece of skin oh and we have boobs and ass too your body is boring

      1. Maaan
        i have a small penis but whats the point in being unfair to others because some silly people were unfair to you?

  9. “Rumor has it that protein deficiency causes aesthetically pleasing
    vaginal formation, but the medical studies have yet to come in on this. ”
    Protein is in plants.

  10. This is pathetic and inaccurate. If you can’t appreciate a beautiful and unique vagina, you shouldn’t be getting laid at all.

  11. i’m outraged ! my name ends with an ‘a’ and my labia major is pretty symmetric. and for the record , we dont decorate our homes based on how our vagina looks. or wear lose shorts instead of tight yoga pants because. that logic works only with guys. bigger balls and all that. and its not like your parents peek into your vagina when you are born and go like “oh look, there are so many labial foldings , lets name her coleene!”.

  12. I get that this was April Fool’s day but I still have to point out that it’s not true. I’m fat and I still have meat curtains.

  13. Well, my name ends in a vowel, I’m a vegetarian, have shutters in my house and wear spandex for sport and don’t have a perfect slit so….good luck “telling” men…
    This is disgusting.

  14. I think the term beef curtains is hilarious. But this article is fucking stupid. The man who wrote this is the ignorant and probably never gets laid. Draping curtains? Gym clothes? Vegetarian? Ridiculous. Its fucking evolution. Some men have big balls and some women have big curtains.

  15. Roast beef is definitely a deal breaker. I can’t stand seeing all those meat curtains unless I’m planning on going to Arby’s.

  16. My friend just attempted suicide because of this post. Joke or not.. Congratulations. It ruined a girls entire life so much that she didn’t want to live anymore.

  17. Such an idiot so how does your cock look u dumb ass. U clearly have no biology training otherwise u would know larger labias like big lips equal a higher sexual ly charged woman with amazing nerve endings
    So u think a woman will butcher a stunning sexy puffy sexually charged part of her body so u can stick your 4 inch shlong in there for five seconds and she can fake an orgasm like all womem do inc porn stars so we can get back to watching tv. U are parhetic typical fat ugly old coked up attorney with entitlement issues
    Asshole songs have been written photographers have photograohed movies poetry has been written . Troy was lost over the female body .
    A womens body boobs vagina etc regardless of size is every mans greatest desire. Do u see us spending billions on porn or naked mens mags eh no bc there are none bc no women buy it bc dumbass mens bodies look ridoculous absolutel gross and everyone knows that.
    A womans body is beautiful boobs curves bum made to entice the male and well u got an ugly weird looking huge muscle that sticks out in your trouser and gives u embareassing uncontrollable erections a woman controls.
    Whatever size your labia is girls how silly does a mans cock look and ugly trying to jam it up our butts in our mouths ugly vile gross
    Bye idiot

  18. Girls its so easy to tell the ugly guys hating bc the hot girls he wanted to be with rejected him this idiot must have been a real fat ugly nerd who brought his sister to prom and yes hes crap in bed and got dunped by a beauty with huge labias so decided to sit down and write a conpletely uninformed non factual piece of kindergarten garbage and how is an attorney a reliable source to write an article about a womans sacred life giving vagina ? The internet has destroyed intelligent journalism letting a pussy feel obliged to write about ….. well a pussy
    Stick to the courtroom perry

  19. I quite like external Labia. Their engorgement communicates excitement. There is no doubt that there are unattractive vaginas but having an outie is not one of them.
    Analytic Bluntness is something we as men are best to cultivate and preserve.

  20. Are you aware of the mountain of shit women go through concerning their bodies? It’s bad enough that society is so obsessed with our stomachs, our hair, our faces,
    et-fucking-cetera. Now, somehow, ignoramuses like you are concerning yourselves
    with such private parts as our vaginas.
    Do me a favor. Picture a sweet little girl standing in front of you. Twelve, thirteen
    years old, perhaps. Now I want you to read every word of this article to her.
    Go ahead and add in little chuckles where you see fit, since this is meant to
    be so humorous. I guarantee you that you won’t see her laughing along. You
    might even see her cry. That’s the immediate reaction, and it might be a little
    disturbing, but you won’t have to witness the rest of the aftermath. You don’t
    have to listen to her cry herself to sleep every night because she has “the
    dreaded roast beef curtains” that render her unfuckable and unlovable. You don’t
    have to sit next to her on the edge of the tub while she slices her body to
    bits because she’s an abomination in the eyes of anyone who will ever get her
    naked. You don’t have to stomach the disgust she feels when she catches a
    glimpse of herself in the mirror, or when her hand accidentally brushes over
    that extra fat and skin. You will not have to pay for therapists, or unwind the
    years upon years of psychological damage, or lower yourself back into loving
    yourself after such a long period of self-hatred like it’s a pot of boiling
    water. You will not want to die every time you wear a bathing suit or struggle
    not to burst into tears when you hear your friends eww-ing at the mention of ‘beef
    If you had to read this article, out loud, to every little girl who will read it online, I
    doubt you’d be able to. And I doubt you’d have the gall to defend it, either.
    You’re defending a mindset that has led and will lead so many people with
    vaginas to despise themselves, and that’s already so rampant. So, yeah, this is
    pretty humorous. To you, maybe. Not to the millions of girls it actually
    affects. Society (and you are society, don’t forget) teaches young girls that their vaginas are their sole point of worth. If and how they can pleasure a man becomes such a morbid fascination to girls, it’s sick. The slander of women and their vaginas is an issue that goes so far beyond a matter of taste. So congratulations to contributing to this. I hope you’re satisfied.
    P.S.: By your logic, you’re the one being a hypocrite. Think
    about it a little, dipshit.

    1. I think it makes most of us sick no matter what age we are. It’s not easy realizing that there are so many pathetic losers like this guy.

  21. Come on dude. I know this is a site mostly for men. But this article is mean. I don’t like a lot of feminist crap either, but this is not the best way to make your point.
    ROK is one of my favorite sites. Only site I know that has things on language, travel, guns, survival, men’s problems from a dude perspective. Roosh is the dude. Love that it breaks PC taboos.
    But this article is a mistake. Goes too far.

  22. Made me Lol.
    But seriously, from my experience and many of my male friends’, beef curtains are the result of a blown out vagina. Sure, there are cases where it’s genetic but those are likely in the minority.
    For example, this one guy dated a virgin and years after the broke up, he hooked up with her again only to find the dreaded meat curtains. That’s not genetic, gentlemen. That’s lifestyle choices.
    The vagina/vulva size is variable throughout a woman’s life. She can choose to do kegels and not have sex with every male on the block, or she can wear it out and slut it up. Most choose the latter and then blame the penis. Reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode.
    Edit: The comments here are hilarious. So many butthurt women for such a lighthearted, silly article. Of course, these women probably have no problem commenting about a male’s body, like his penis size. No hypocrisy there, amirite?

    1. I don’t know any women..have never known any women who talk about penis size. Maybe you guys are just very fucking insecure about that.

  23. “Contrary to popular belief, it is not genetic. Nor is it caused by how many men she’s slept with, or how large those men were. ”
    Well if it’s not genetic and it’s not from environment what would that leave?
    Your article treats women as if they are somehow being deceptive and hiding a deformity if they have “beef curtains” and don’t share this with their potential sex partner. It’s also makes large assumptions about every mans preference for a specific type of vagina. Varying men prefer women in all different shapes and sizes and the same goes with vagina shape. Most men could give a fuck less. I have a vagina like that and no longer carry any self-loathing about it but am still hurt by words like this. the only person who ever tried to make me feel shame about it was a physically and emotionally abusive man who was 23 and dated me when I was 16 years old for 8 years. He brainwashed me and humiliated me all the time about this and it took me years to accept my body and get over it. As a grown woman far passed the bullshit I read this article and it hurts my feelings and reminded me of how embarrassed I used to feel. I think you are a mean and shallow man to write such a graphically offensive and crude article. I just want to let you know that I am not a cynical feminist with my panties in a bunch but your article was mean and this everyday girl next door has just read it and feels like shit now. So thanks… hope you feel good about yourself on your journey to scope out vaginas with a magnifying glass to weed out all the ones you find repulsive. how about this idea before you have sex just ask the girl “hey do you have beef curtains?” if the girl has them and realizes that you want to make sure to stay away she will surely avoid taking her pants off and then you can go home and jerk off to perfectly edited vaginas on a porn website ……

  24. Its not a popular belief is the solely truth, women that had boyfriends with large male genitalia can suffer from this ” roast beef” deformation of the vagina. As a girl I can relate to that and promiscuity had nothing to do with it. I was in a monogamous relationship . And this person was my second boyfriend.My first boyfriend was an average size and I was perfectly normal after him until i met my second boyfriend – very large down there. my vagina changed forever 🙁

  25. this is such a ridiculous article, why is the appearance of a women’s ‘down there’ so important? If you’re a good person and you find someone you love, you wouldn’t be carrying on about the appearance of someone’s private part. So why is this kind of article necessary. And the ways on how to avoid a ”roast beef vagina” clearly shows how stupid the person who wrote this article is. Pathetic, even if this is a joke.

  26. i think i wont be eating meat for a while why even put a a picture of food when speaking of this come on, what if i was eating lol

  27. This had taken you less than 15 minutes to write hasnt it? This has little to do with scientific facts more to do with your own poor experience with women who names are Melissa and Yvonne

  28. The same way boy bands have different flavors of boys because different kinds of girls like different kinds of boys I assure you that your repulsion to a woman’s “flower petals” isn’t universal.

  29. I just have to say this is kind of unfair. I’m extremely insecure about this part of my body. I am merely sixteen years old, a virgin, and thought I would speak on behalf of all the girls like me – hoping to find some comfort in something that humiliates us. I can’t help the way I was made, at least not right now. All I was hoping for was that women with large vulvas weren’t sexually outcasted, but clearly that was unrealistic. Before I receive any retaliation regarding women’s’ bizarre physical standard for men, I would like to point out that I do not care about the size of their penis, the way it is shaped, their height, or their physique. Unfortunately, this was extremely degrading for me, and I have to say I think this article may have been counterproductive. Any guy would see if a female has “roast beef curtains” after going down on her. It’s plain to see, it’s right there and it’s extremely embarrassing. So while attempting to help a male recognize what is visually obvious, you’ve potentially caused self image issues among all the females that are struggling with their uncontrollable physical ailment. I’m not here to insult or put down anyone, so please don’t put down me, this article was more than enough. I’m just really disheartened. What am I supposed to do the first time I have sex? I can’t help it..

  30. This is not funny at all. It doesn’t even come off as a joke. It simply offends women’s natural bodies. Woman are under emense pressure already without having our vaginas scrutinized. Every vulva is different. In fact, most labia are longer – about 1-2 inches in length – that IS the norm. Large labia has nothing to do with the amount of sex a women has had. Also, after puberty the vagina DOES deepen in color. Increased blood flow does also cause a deeper color. Labia increases sensation for man and women. Men want sex but they have all these miconceptions and myths (cant have: body hair, stretch marks, labia, small boobs, and so on) that simply prevent them
    from having it.
    Moral of the story: the labia varies in size (anywhere from non existent to 4 inches long), texture (smooth, bumpy, etc) , and color (purple, red, pink, brown, and black). Learn to love all vulvas. They are all beautiful.
    And honestly, if you think woman talk about men’s pensises in detail, we don’t. No respectful woman would. The fact is: size doesn’t matter, we know that.

    1. This article makes me sick to my stomach..So called “men” who like web sites like this make me even sicker.

  31. i have an extremely large labia that puff up like a blowfish, when engaged, fatboy lover’s padding, and a proudly erect saluting clit-hood, unfortunately, too many different guys enjoy it and I wish they would not. I wish the guys that hate it (fat meaty v’s) would only be attracted to me, so, I can stop the losers, before they start…. 🙁 slightly darker pigmentation is shown to reveal the most sensitive areas of the body, because of this, they know exactly what to work on my body to get me aroused. :-^
    Houston, we have a problem….

  32. about penises, most guys with immense judgmental/anger issues tend to be those lacking in size. i believe your personality has a lot to do with size of the penis the more you are in-tune/accepting/loving/compassionate/understanding with the opposite sex, the more your body prepares adjustments to really please/satisfy it. so you have to be begin with this thought process to initiate this hormone of lover’s “rock solid, cock.”
    otherwise, you become a short, short, man…

  33. Who said that it’s a turn off?
    I think it’s sexy as hell so they ain’t speaking for everyone. Probably borderline faggots anyway. Lok

  34. It isn’t genetic OR is it from how many guys she has slept with or their size? So why don’t you enlighten us, asshole. What guy says ‘duvet’? Faggot.

  35. Only a pathetic little man would be turned off by the size and shape of a woman’s labia. Part of a person’s attractiveness is in their individual appearance but never ahead of their personality.

  36. A laser scalpel will solve the issue rather nicely. Get her looking all neat and pretty. I personally find a cauliflower labia disgusting.

  37. 90% of women on earth have the labia that can been seen when the pubic hair are shaven. Not all have meat curtains (I’m okay it’s ugly), but there is too much about aesthetism of the vagina nowadays. Hey guys, when will you bring your “things” in surgery? Because, we, girls, we saw a lot that are not very beautiful.
    There is a lot of gay men here, they can”t fuck REAL women. They prefer to flap on porn, with surgerical done pussies, and whitenen assholes.

    1. So, real women only have big flappy labia that can be used as parachutes when they skydive?
      So glad to not be a “real woman” then. 🙂 I’ll take my nice, non flappy, never to be confused for arby’s vagina over your flappy shit any day of the week 🙂

      1. No most of them have NORMAL labia.
        Some have big ones, some have little ones, some have irregular ones, with one littles than the other one, some have medium one.
        Open a medical book.
        You are a not a real woman but you are a real idiot.
        If you don’t like women, try guys, moron.

  38. I prefer the women you disdain. I’ve found women with big “meat curtains” to be more loving and sexually adventurous by far than those with little or nothing in the way of labia.
    I read with disgust of women getting “designer vaginas”, and having their natural beauty down their cut away, probably by people like the author who don’t know how to appreciate a real woman. Such surgeries should be considered a crime against nature.

  39. This is such garbage. I know lots if girls who have labias, get more men then others and they are the opposite of this list. Just another bs thing written by some chauvenist pig who has a certain expectation of how a women should look vecause he lives in a world of insecurity.

  40. Well, unfortunately I have one of these vaginas. Can’t say it’s right to make fun of it, but I’ll go along with the joke since I just don’t care at this point. Let’s be fair here, yeah, you were born with “flaps” “roast beef” I’ve literally heard it all? I’m not a very judgemental person, considering my labia is the joke of the internet. I enjoy small penises – I enjoy ALL penises. If I’m being reasonable here, I’ll even add that the longer the labia, the more the pleasure. If a girl has “flaps” but hates her boyfriend’s penis size because it’s “too small” that’s just simple hypocriticy. I mean, I would love to undo my curse, but unfortunately it’s harder to get surgery than it is said. But no, don’t get surgery. You will find somebody who loves it. If a guy doesn’t like a minor “problem” with your vagina, he’s simply ignorant and just shows how much he’s not worth your time. I guess if you can’t stand extra skin, you’re just too picky or maybe you should consider asking, “Hey, do you have meat flaps?” on the first date, which I don’t really recommend, because unfortunately on the internet, you might sound opinionated, but in real life, you’re just an asshole.
    Conclusion: so what man, you have big labia, deal with it, don’t take it too personally. go on other websites, and trust me, I’ve seen a MILLION that men have spoken and praised long labia.

  41. I am cracking up at all these butthurt women. It’s proof that you have a flappy vagina, which I have always found gross, and am quite thankful mine doesn’t “hang 2-4 inches outside of the labia majora.” Mine is right where it should be and doesn’t hang down at all. I’m 33 years old and have popped a child out of there! If I’m the abnormal one, then God bless my nice looking vagina. Tis better to be abnromal than look like your smuggling arby’s in your panties. 😉
    Toodles, flappy!

  42. all you have to do is shove your dick in it damn calm down they have to live with it lol

  43. I have read that long labia actually feel better during intercourse due to added sensation for the penis. In Africa, some societies force girls to hang weights from their labia to elongate them because they believe is it beautiful.

  44. Eek I’ve seen a couple of ugly pussies. If you deny it, you’re either into it as a fetish, too desperate or a hypocrite. There is such a thing as an ugly vagina.

  45. Im a 17 year old girl and im sitting here, all i can do is cry. Im a virgin, many people have asked me out but ive never had a boyfriend. im too afraid it will lead to sex and that they will judge me for the “honest truth of asthetics”. Its not like i have high standards, I like shorter men too. Id never judge my partner and id do anything to please then. But not everyone has the money to go through this procedure. Im only 17, i should be focusing on college expenses but all I can think about is getting hurt. I honestly don’t know what more i can do so fuck all of you for shamelessly expressing your oppinions about something I cannot change. I hated myself before i looked this up and now i hate myself more. Because I could be a great girlfriend but ill never be good enough will i? 😥

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