Light-hearted introductory acknowledgment designed to re-familiarize the readership with my persona since it’s been a week since I last posted. Brief casual statement to launch content.
Setting the stage in a near-combative way, but not overdoing it; don’t want to turn the readers off yet. Immediate humorous statement giving a hat-tip to the subculture in order to balance out the dickishness of the previous statement. Question or comment that strongly alludes to the title of the post.
Bold statement symbolizing my willingness to “go there.” Anecdotal evidence, conjecture, and personal opinion followed by the promise of scientific evidence to back it up. Preemptive slap at the guys who will disagree with this post for no other reason than they’re the type who could point out 10 things wrong with a newborn baby. Get the article back on track with a supportive statement that ends in a clever restating of the title of the post.
Haters will have already identified a phrase or two to finger-fuck to death in the comments section by now; add statement to piss off aspies too. Nugget of wisdom to remind the majority of the readership that something truly worthwhile is on its way. Supposedly keen insight that’s nothing more than an old Roissy concept from 2009 passed off as my own and retooled to support the title of the post. Restate the problem clearly and boldly.
Blame it all on feminism, fat chicks, Facebook, or manginas. Assert alpha dominance by being a complete dick in a way that’s hard to argue with; no time for hyperbole since this is the one-liner everyone will tweet.
Quote or link to weak scientific evidence even though there are much stronger sources readily available; get more comments. Quick passing mention of those much stronger sources sans citation in an effort to sound intelligent and seem original.
Funny or angry personal story that drives home the main message. Gratuitous mention that ALL AMERICAN WOMEN ARE DIRTY WHORES BITCH SLUT ONLY MARRY ASIAN WOMEN FALSE RAPE DIVORCE CHILD SUPPORT HYYYYYYYYYPERGAMY. Assert everyone’s experience will be the same as mine or else they’re not real men. Insinuate that disagreeing with my outcome lesson means the reader is beta.
Make the same points I already made but in a different way:
L
I
S
T
Short statement to signify end of list and to set up the final paragraph.
Admonition blended with encouragement. Statement which shows I actually do care. A little too much personal information in an effort to show sincerity – which will eventually require me to change my moniker again. Two or three quick level-headed statements to show I’m logical. Something borderline insane and completely inflammatory to make the comments more interesting. Ending statement which of course includes at least a variation of the title of the post.
——————————-
Quick proofread while wondering if anyone will get it. Make the graphic and log in to ROK. Copy and paste text; change links to open in new window. Choose a category. Hit submit for review knowing the only guys who will really get it are the guys who already got it.
Post goes live days or weeks later. Forgot I even wrote it. Read through it and wish I had changed certain words. Scroll down to the comments section. Posted 15 minutes ago and somebody already hates it. The rest of my day will revolve around pleasing people at work; but I didn’t please this guy and that makes me feel better.
Over the life of the post, help 23 men and piss off 380,712 fat chicks, feminists, manginas, AMOGs, aspie nerds, and those Christian dudes who are absolutely obsessed with the location and proper handling of other men’s genitalia.
Not a bad return for 3 hours of effort.
Read Next: Welcome To Post-Gender Happytopia®!
COOLBRO
that’s the best post i’ve read in the last couple of months anywhere. thank you for delivering such good content, i think you might’ve changed my life forever.
Carson D, where are you?
This joke hasn’t been funny for years.
I thought it was clever and that’s all that matters.
Thatch thinks he’s better’n us. Well guess what, you’re NOT better’n us, Thatch!
Am too.
Are not, infinity plus one times.
Oh man. Just wait until jezebel sees this one. They are going to shit their pants.
Retire early and often like Evander Holyfield…
I just want to finger-fuck some phrases right now.
I’m not sure if it was an inspiration or if this is just a case of independent discovery, but either way y’all really need to listen to Title of the Song by Da Vinci’s Notebook.
Incisive comment that praises some aspects of the post, but criticizes others.
Demand that the blog be written to more closely follow my preferences. Claim that This Blog just isn’t what it used to be, and that another Blog is better. Threaten to stop reading.
UNPROVOKED, churlish, profanity-laced retort filled with random OVERUSE OF CAPITALIZATION AND MULTIPLE EXCLAMATION POINTS, giving the DISCONCERTING EFFECT OF SCREAMING, displaying an unhealthy preoccupation with firearms, the UNITED NATIONS, the GOLD STANDARD, and other assorted neoconservative bugbears, thereby identifying the rural residency and repressed sexuality of the originator.
Now how does this post helps with my self improvement?
I’m sorry. Am I in breach of contract for not improving your life in some way?
Contact me and I’ll send you a refund.
Actually I’m processing refunds. Please forward the ROK Subscription receipt to [email protected].
Love that shit.
Ironic self-amusing comment that no one will read.
I’m one of the guys who got it..
I dunno Thatch, can’t you give anecdotes about nights out, or a book you read, or a review of a blog or website? Could you interview somebody at a different blog, like Ricky Raw’s “The Rawness” or the guy at The Last Psychiatrist? I know at least ten strength training or fitness websites that you could review, interview, and ask some questions about.
I believe that the manosphere has to have some standards above being ironically self referential. You guys have lots of potential for masculine journalism.
Huh. Never would have thought “insert comment to piss off the aspies” would piss off the aspies.
I’m on to something good here. I can feel it in my funny bone.
I thought that you were running out of ideas since you said something similar last week. I wrote a list of ideas that I thought would be good to read about.
Flame rescinded. Olive branch displayed.
Reprimand to not feed the trolls. Contention of knowledge of past behaviour. Silence after proof this is false.
Comment about how I treat my wife that way and it works. Secondary comment about how if anyone treats my daughters that way I’ll kill them.
A spam comment promising a pill to enlarge your penis. Link to website that gives your PC a virus.
Expression of agreement with main points of post. Anecdotal personal experience cited as supporting evidence. Applicable manosphere memes restated for the millionth time.
Troll.
Comment that hates on American women.
Comment that not all women are like that. Follow up exclamatory statement that I know plenty of amazing, smart, sexy women. Parting shot intimating you are sexually undesireable, or otherwise left out of society. Dismissive exhortation to get help, or otherwise improve oneself.
It’s funny cuz its true.
Tangential comment focusing on a glancing aspect of the post (fatties) because I’m a fat feminist and this is my sacred cow. Assert my self-esteem by citing several examples of how I manage to be both attractive and healthy in spite of the fact that I’m so sufficiently massive that I bend spacetime, confusing any nearby physicists. Make token comment how it’s genetic and I eat “hardly anything” because I know there’s no way you could ever confirm my late-night Haagen-Dazs sessions.
Now I’ll affirm my authority on the issue, citing my struggles as a morbidly obese woman and my Women’s Studies degree. I won’t mention that it took me six years to earn at bottom-tier liberal arts college with a 2.3 GPA. I’ll finish with a condescending comment letting you know how small-minded you are, and how I’m self-actualized because of my glorification of obesity.
Pretentious valediction,
Big Jen
No way a woman wrote this. Their brain is incapable of self-irony.
Proud comment revealing identity as a thin, fatty-shaming male, therefore confirming your assertion!
you go girl! obesity is the new skinny!
poinetlezz tangentiaaal commenT bYE dislexxxic nonEnglissh speeking Forener with Lotsz of jibberishs.
Unsubscribe.
what was the picture?
You can find it here http://bit.ly/17nBbAU
Mark Minter comment that gets 30 upvotes within two hours.
Praise of Mark Minter here
Estrogen-soaked Manboobz troll seeding irrelevant criticism of Mark Minter here.
Thanks from Mark Minter here.
Oh God ROOSH BABY, EAT MY FUCKING PUSSY, I AM SO WET RIGHT NOW
Outraged Woman who sees the article as a personal insult.
Ad hominem attack referencing small penises. Declaration that “you should be ashamed.”
Needy support of your declaration. Self congratulatory statement. Definition of ‘real man’.
inflammatory, aggressive, unwarranted and badly thought out comment, that contains grammatical errors but consumed at least 30 minutes of my day to create and left me exhausted after the adrenaline rush of telling the entire world where to go on an obscure internet forum. I’m king of the world for five minutes, before some asshole shoots my ideas down with a cutting critical comment and the administrator bans me.
now i can re-register and post comments agreeing with myself under a new username.
Pithy one liner that destroys your argument.
“Bold statement symbolizing my willingness to “go there.”” Wow! Just wow! Are you serious? You must have a micropenis and never get laid.
Irrelevant post preaching Human Bio Diversity,followed by dry,sarcastic,Racial wordplay fluttering close to a racial epitaph.
On a side note, best ownage of a dumb stuck up 24 y/o bitch ever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp7ovdTXGLM
Blithe, breezy comment containing a vaguely awkward reference to the felonious use of controlled substances.
My white privilege means getting excoriated for making a stupid, racist comment and expecting one of my Black internet friends to step up in my defense (“Elmer da man! Don’t you be fuckin wit Elmer! You mess wit Elmer an I will kick off in yo ass Bitch! Elmer, you is a bad mutha…YOU BETTA WATCH YO MOUTH! You fuck with Elmer and I got somthin fo yo ass!” etc etc etc).
Oops, sorry, wrong thread. Shamelessly plugs his own set of books and tapes :
Dartmouth Shuts Down as Victim-Hoaxing Craze Sweeps Nation’s Campuses
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2013/04/25/dartmouth-shuts-down-as-victim-hoaxing-craze-sweeps-nations-campuses
Hahaha. I was thinking “what the hell?”
But I let it go cuz you’re cool like that.
We tight.
We need Randy Newman to make a song of this.
Insert “Wow, just wow”, “Seriously?”, “You went there?”, or other hiply ironic yet irritatingly threadbare catchphrase in lieu of a contrary argument.
Uninformed rant about how dumb and hateful those “racists” are, incorporating multiple accusations of feelings of inadequacy comapred to blacks and jealousy about miscegenation, cliche explanations for racial disparities (slavery, “opression”, “discrimination”), mentioning that “race doesn’t exist”, and finishing with some egalitarian battlecry “Racism is dumb, we’re all brothers, X are the real enemies!” (Where X = feminists, corporations, jewish bankers etc).
poorly written, ungrammatical generalizations about women that reveal A. I just took the red pill and I’m getting the shakes B. I was divorce raped at some point in my life C. I think society should be structured to make one of fetishes (marital rape, spanking, bdsm, French maids) more common D. with accompanying photo of me married to my (invariably) Asian wife, wife #x where x >1.
Obligatory death-rant about how Obama is the AntiChrist.
Obligatory ad hominem counterfaggotry about Republican foibles.
lollings at this uber sarcasm but edward real talk you have no mates
Comment about how this site started out okay but is starting to get lame and how the comments section is polluted by betas. Additional comment about what Real Men would or wouldn’t do and what my personal definition of Alpha is.
I assume from Thatch nuking his Twitter account and rewriting his bio that he’s done contributing to this site. Hopefully he made the decision on his own terms. Godspeed, brother.
Small random comment that barely relates to the post, then a rant about something else.
But seriously, Brilliant post!
You could cite the relevant source (This is the title of this story. by D.Moser)
Sincere praise with no ambiguity about it
Undisclosed rage and egregious threats of psychedelic male rape.
fuckin riight eddie.
Funny because we actually understand our flaws… women will never understand their own which is why they are fucked.
Real Comment: I really loved this! The comments made it even better. Brilliant!
[Read entire post and 57% of the comments. Not commenting myself.]
short pseudo-intellectual comment in lowercase letters.
High five to you for seeing the world as it really is by agreeing with nothing I have ever shared and which you have never read, but really, really true! TOTALLY, MAN!!!
Butthexing. Goldman Sachs/Tucker Max. llolllzolzllzozlzlzllllll
Insightful comment that’s completely irrelevant because it’s posted long after anybody’s paying any attention.
Pointless reminder that the internet is forever and even irrelevant comments you thought were insightful will clog the manosphere like plaque forever allowing johnny-come-latelies to struggle for relevance by commenting on your comment three layers deep with even more irrelevant observations about the sorry state of male-female relationships.
Comment added months or years later that nobody will read.
Profanity laced comment directly asserting the author is a shill for the Jewish Zionist Trilateral Commission Nazi-loving Douchebags of the New World Order.
Encouraging everyone to read that never-to-be-forgotten, crappily written manifesto by that guy who was a genius from MIT but whom the MSM said was an escapee from a mental institution but was really kidnapped and drugged by the CIA while taking part in Project MK-Ultra.
Encouragement to WAKE UP and save the country! Stop being sheeple, damn it!
Deep sigh of satisfaction after clicking Post as Tom Kaye. I’ve done my part to make the world a better place. My life has meaning, even if no one believes me. Someday they will. Someday I will get the recognition I deserve. Or else someone will be made to PAY!!
Fuck You, you Haters!! I’m more important than you!!!
P.S. I scare myself sometimes.
Kratom ad.