All too often, men are unable to keep women interested and invested in conversations. I’ve had Google searches like “great date questions” or “what do I talk to a girl about on a date” lead people to my site. However, these searches indicate that men are missing the point in conversations. While they’re busy looking for a killer topic or the silver conversational bullet that will make women like them, they aren’t realizing that even if they do ask some good questions, these will quickly run out.
Here’s the secret: it doesn’t matter WHAT you talk about as much as HOW you talk about it.
A massive part of communication and how you talk about things is conveyed through your body language, voice tone and eye contact. However, today I’m going to share one simple conversational technique that will rapidly improve your conversational abilities and how interesting women find you.
That technique is to share details.
Men and women with lower conversational abilities tend to gloss over the subjects they’re talking about. They are unable to take people on an interesting or emotional journey with them, because of the lack of detail. If you can’t picture something somebody’s telling you, you’re not going to get invested in it. It’s consequently better to spend 2, 3, 4, or 5 minutes talking about one experience you’ve had, then to spend that time trying to mention three or four cool things you’ve done.
For example, consider and rate the responses by the following three guys:
Hot Girl: I like travelling.
Guy 1: Cool. Where have you been?
Guy 2: Cool, I just came home from Europe! It was great. I went to France, Germany and Spain. I saw the Eiffel Tower, did some really interesting history tours in Germany and ate lots of great food in Spain. Met lots of really cool people along the way as well. I’m definitely keen to go back and travel to more of Europe next time. Something I’d like to do is try sailing in Croatia, I hear there’s lots of beautiful islands. Have you been to Europe?
Guy 3: Cool, I just came home from Europe. One of the countries I went to was France, partly because I’d always wanted to see the Eiffel Tower. I grew up reading about it in books and seeing it in movies, so actually being there was surreal. Even waiting in line for the elevator alongside my friends and total strangers made the experience all the more exciting and really gave me time to study what an incredible building it really is. Then the feeling of anticipation as our group went up was electrifying, and it seemed like the stresses of everyone’s travels just seemed to disappear as we reached the observation deck and looked out over Paris…
Guy 1 demonstrates a complete lack of conversational ability. Rather than show the girl that he is a cool, interesting person, he thrusts the onus onto her to come up with something.
Guy 2 is able to show that he’s done some interesting things. He’s established that they have something basic in common. However, he hasn’t differentiated himself from the thousands of other people who also traveled to Europe. He paid some money and saw some sights. Cool. But so what?
Guy 3 has taken the girl on an emotional journey with him. He told her about something he’d wanted to do as a child. He described how he felt about achieving his goal. He painted a vivid picture of the story, which allowed the girl to feel and join an emotional journey with him. He also provided plenty of hooks for her to take a hold of and keep talking. While the length of what Guy 3 said may seem like overkill, it’s not. By indicating that France was just one of the countries he went to and providing more details about one particular topic, he was conversely able to hold lots more of himself back and show that there’s much more to him than meets the eye. Girls are generally happy to listen and enjoy being taken somewhere outside of their ordinary, everyday routine.
Peoples brains are also wired to remember the specific, unusual things that we hear, rather than the mundane and ordinary things. So if you’re one of ten guys who she’s spoken to in the last week who thinks you’re cool because you went overseas, think again. You need to frame what you say in such a way that will stick in her mind and make her remember. The best way to do that is through sharing details and connecting with her emotional responses. The same principles apply for more mundane and everyday conversations.
Hot Girl: Have a good weekend?
Guy 1: Yeah it was pretty good, how was yours?
Guy 2: It was fun, caught up with some friends, had dinner on Friday night with some people I hadn’t caught up with in ages and then played sport Saturday. What about you?
Guy 3: It was great, caught up with some friends for dinner on Friday night.. oh and we went to restaurant X where I had the most delicious pasta I’ve had in ages. It was this really light spaghetti combined with a rich herb and mince sauce with just a mild kick of spice that rounded it off perfectly. Delicious. Eat anything particularly good on the weekend?
Guy 1 is boring, ordinary and clearly has nothing cool to talk about.
Guy 2 is your standard beta male. She will have forgotten about what he said by the time he’s finished his conversation. The question at the end is standard, typical and boring.
Guy 3 will make her think about what he’s saying. She’ll also have to go back and think harder about what she ate on the weekend as it’s a more unusual question than what she’d be used to. The little details he shares show that he is aware of his surroundings and appreciates the good things in life. The conversation will also leave her with a good vibe.
For a brilliant real life example of the importance of sharing details, disregard whatever you may think about President Obama and watch the huge amounts of details he shares in this story.
Now, try and imagine the speech if he hadn’t shared how tired he was, or how he was hoping for sunshine but it was raining, or what an ordeal it was to get to the town, or that the woman was wearing a big hat and was a private detective, or one of the million other details he provided. He takes people on an emotional journey with him. He’s able to do this because of sharing the seemingly inconsequential details of the story and painting a vivid picture as a result.
Share details, men. Your conversational success depends on it.
Read More: 4 Common Mistakes that Kill Your Game
Awesome post.
Learning to share details was the biggest game improvement that I ever made. Standard yes/no questions and answers are one of the worst things you can do while interacting with women. You’re trying to build a fun vibe, not interrogating members of al-Qaeda.
“Standard yes/no questions and answers are one of the worst things you can do while interacting with women. You’re trying to build a fun vibe”
Spot on. How boring are yes/no questions to answer? Any sales book will tell you that you need to ask open ended questions rather than being able to give a person a binary response.
Even better, framing yourself in a positive, interesting manner with plenty of details will make you far more interesting, while giving her plenty of things to respond to, if her conversation skills are even moderately good.
Thanks for your feedback!
This is what i needed. No wonder girls didn’t like in high school. I was BORING to talk to. lol
Thanks a lot. Wish i knew this years ago.
You’re very welcome, glad you found it valuable.
…I mean, I can dig that using words like “amazing” and “most delicious ever” and “mind-blowing” are good for developing an interaction with women, but so is being a male cheerleader. And I know, since most women wouldn’t think to breathe if it didn’t help them talk constantly, its all about getting in her head and blah, blah blah…but seriously, at the end of a conversation where I’ve made mayself out to be just about the golly-gee swellest guy ever, who always has the most amazing-est times even at the DMV, I’d almost rather not get laid at all than help a self-amazed douche-sicle like that get any ass, even if that douche-sicle is ME. …’cause in the end, I’m really only in it for myself, and I think a player needs to know that its OK to be a little bit surly and untoward without feeling compelled to be all unicorns and top-hats…..broads respect a bent-out-of shape asshole too, so long as he engages and makes her feel ‘especial. And-too, you won’t have to pray to God and Jesus that no one you knew heard you feigning amazement at the delciousness of the spaghetti at Resaurant X.
Dude, someone should do a piece on Disgruntled Game of Surly Game, or Game-for-the-Player-Who’s-Had-It-Up-To-Here….
>>someone should do a piece on Disgruntled Game of Surly Game, or Game-for-the-Player-Who’s-Had-It-Up-To-Here….<<
Charles Bukowski’s entire body of work. Journey to the End of the Night also provides some great practical examples.
I agree with you, I’d never say most of the shit in those examples. That’s fine, there are other details to choose from. The trick, tho, is to project “had it up to here” and leaven it with humor, warmth, and curiosity. Fuck that up, and you sound like a bitter loser.
Bukowski and Céline excel because they strike the right balance. Their ability to mix world-weariness with genuine love for the world makes them unpredictable and interesting to readers–and (if the stories are true) to women, as well.
Yeah, solid point, you can’t just sit there pissed and expect to get laid. Still if a guy can look himself in the mirror after saying that kinda thing, well, that’s all you. But I run a decent game and I hate to see guys slamming the idea of running any game at all because they think they gotta wear a feather boa and talk about the spiritual experience they had at the florist that day.
Feather boa? Spiritual experiences?
Ummm…. you’re projecting that stuff out buddy, not me!
Bill Burr kills it at comedy as the sort of pissed-off-up-to-here asshole, who can still laugh at his own foibles and connect. He’s totally red pill. I’d suggest watching a bunch of his comedy acts.
For myself, I can do the surly gig, or the aloof game as well. Yet I’m a natural talker and speaker, so using descriptive language is a no-brainer for myself. I’ve found it key for deeply connecting with chicks & creating a little magic. It’s fun and engages my creative mind, and there’s less turnover (both good & bad aspects there. More good overall, I think.)
“because they think they gotta wear a feather boa and talk about the spiritual experience they had at the florist that day.”
LoL I don’t know what you’re on about dude. Yes the spaghetti example may be an extreme. But it’s far more interesting hearing somebody talk about an ordinary thing with passion and detail than an amazing adventure with where they went and that’s it.
One more point… going on a date with a woman will involve a few hours of talking. Being in a relationship can potentially involve years of communicating. You want to make sure you’re doing it right. Knowing how to be interesting and effective when you talk is important in the long run, because nobody really likes surliness.
“Bukowski and Céline excel because they strike the right balance. Their ability to mix world-weariness with genuine love for the world makes them unpredictable and interesting to readers–and (if the stories are true) to women, as well.”
Spot on. I’ve previously written about this love of life being a key prerequisite to me falling in love. My post was inspired by the Ayn Rand quote:
A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions…. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.
http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/what-makes-me-fall-in-love-part-2/
^^^ Right the fk on.^^
While a modicum of social skills are necessary for exchanging ideas, values and building a connection I hardly see how relating a dinner experience makes “Guy 2” a “typical Beta” yet gushing over the scrumptious minute details makes “Guy 3” presumably more appealing.
Men achieve, acquire, lead, inspire, plan and implement. Succeeding at those requires a skill-set that will not only exude confidence, trust and potential, but are coincidentally attractive. Work on those things first and foremost and good things will follow.
I’m not knocking the author as I appreciate the effort he extends to improve interactions with women but in this case it puts the cart before the horse. To me it instills in readers the need to jump higher and better through a woman’s hoops. Additionally Women are indeed perceptive. If you genuinely DID love the super yummy saffron creme sauce – OK. If you’re making it up to better your chances of bedding her I’m gonna bet this and other contrived facades will shine through.
Get your life sh*t together first. Then see if she jumps high enough for you.
(Right the FK on Knuckles)
If it makes you feel any better, this is actually a conversation technique that makes you more interesting when you talk to *anyone*. Which conversation would you rather have:
A: “I went and played poker last night. I made $20.”
B: “I went and played poker last night at the casino. I didn’t really get too many good hands so I guess making $20 was a pretty good outcome. They have good sushi.”
C: “So I was playing cards last night at the casino, when this motherfucker next to me can’t shut up about his bad luck. He kept complaining about never hitting a pair, when he hit one he’s always getting beat, you know, that sort of thing. I’m trying to enjoy my free sushi and not drop the fucking tuna roll into the soy sauce hard enough to splash everyone around me — amazing sushi there by the way, at least for a freebie — and as I’m bending over to the little table next to my chair I can see his hand. Jack fucking seven offsuit. Kid was a total donkey. I wanted to pillage this guy’s chipstack so hard but I never got anything I could hit him with. I made $20 but man, coulda been so much more..”
Players gotta stop thinking about game techniques only being applicable to the game. Ever read How To Win Friends And Influence People (I know, super beta title, whatever)? That book is loaded with proto-game techniques – building and providing value, connections, relationships, etc. – but from the perspective of a businessman trying to get paid.
Great comment Knuckledragger… the guy who goes on and on about the spaghetti story sounds like a total dumbo or very effeminate at the least, while the cool cowboy who says my weekend was just fine is the real killer !!
In other words – learn basic conversation skills. I feel bad for this younger generation of men who grew up expressing themselves through facebook status updates and 144 character tweets. Hell, even when people play games, the interaction is via internet video games and not board games where you have to actually interact with other people. No wonder you can’t keep a lady’s attention, much less get her to twiddle your tiny donger.
I’ve previously written about ‘Technology’s Effect on Women’, which Roosh tweeted the link to. Point 4 is equally applicable (maybe more so) to men.
http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/12/23/manosphere-technologys-effect-on-women/
The naysayers should remember that what is said isnt nearly as important as how you say it; theres a right and a wrong way to do this that doesnt come through in text. I also wouldnt recommend replying to every question like this, but used once or twice this lind of ’emotional journey’ routine works great. Just have something better than spaghetti to talk about.
“I also wouldnt recommend replying to every question like this, but used once or twice this lind of ‘emotional journey’ routine works great”
Completely agree. You’re not going to do this each and every time you open your mouth, but it’s important to be able to tell a story and take a girl somewhere with your words and passion.
As I said above, the spaghetti is an extreme example but they’ve managed to make hugely popular TV shows about food and cooking – people are interested by food. It’s important how you convey that in a way that changes from being something people do 3 times a day to something that you can be passionate about and genuinely enjoy.
All the responses are pretty solid. The brief ones are better. Women like to talk. Give them an opportunity to talk! You wanna get laid, SHUT-UP! It’s that simple. The less you talk the better. Keep her talking she’ll expose herself and give you cues on what to ask, HECK she’ll even be upfront and tell you what she wants! You just gotta listen. Most guys that get laid DON’T TALK excessively. Less is more! Give her a challenge, not another GIRLFRIEND! 😛
If you want a conversation then talk away, don’t count on getting laid though in my opinion.:P (USA and CANADA) Guy #1 is the typical guy that gets laid. He inquires about “HER” always makes her feel important. Remember this about a narcissistic/feminist society like North America, anything to keep the focus on her will get you laid a lot faster than shifting the focus onto yourself. If you start competing with her she’ll deliberately seek another who will pay or appear to pay more attention to her.
Know your audience. Making someone to whom you’re trying to sell something feel important = great. Going out of your way to make a woman you hope to sleep with feel important = just doing what most of the dumb bastards who have struck out with her have done. The worst thing you can possibly do is deflect her own questions back to her. If she asks you a question it is because she wants to see if you are worth talking to. You better show her you are or she’s moving on.
Playing ping pong with questions gets you nowhere with women. The less questions you ask women and the more statements you have…the more the conversation will flow. If it is something interesting…she’ll latch on.
“You wanna get laid, SHUT-UP!”
Haha. This is what Tom Leykis used to preach. He’s said that anything you say can be held against you as an excuse for a woman not wanting to go to be with you:
“OMG! You don’t like peanut brittle?! I could NEVER be with a man who doesn’t love my favorite snack!!!”
I agree to an extent, but I think Guy 2 is the guy you want to emulate in most situations. Unless she’s clearly vibing you already, Guy 1 just comes off as boring / not conversational.
I think the key here is mindset – if you have high self esteem, you will naturally think that the things you did were interesting, and will automatically expand upon the details.
If you think you aren’t very exciting, and the things you did are dull, you’ll tend to gloss over them.
I could do the exactly the same activities as a different guy and consider them much more interesting than him, because I value myself and I value how I spend my free time, no matter what I do.
Good to see you on here YouSoWould.
All spot on points. Kezia once said to me that every man she’s dated had his own world, and she went INTO that. No girl is going to want a guy who comes into her world… she wants you to be interesting and cool enough to want to join in yours.
Good post – nice to see something a bit higher quality on here that what has been the norm of late.
What was getting pickup advice from Kezia like? I imagine she’s pretty heavily “red pill” to be doing that kind of thing. She’s pretty cute – you must have been tempted to hit on her!
This is definitely worth a story in a post 😉
Kezia’s fantastic, I have a lot of respect for her. Should do some posts sometimes on things I learned from her (without unfairly giving away her trade secrets!)
Well the idea is to reveal enough specific detail to show (1) you’ve done something interesting and (2) sound knowledgable about it, without turning into Eric Idle’s “Watney’s Red Barrel” insufferably loquacious tourist. Then throw the conversational thread back to her and LISTEN. I agree that attentive listening is an underappreciated DHV, once I figured that out I did much much better on dates. But still steering the conversation – so you’re not just listening, you’re showing you HEARD.
What Roosh think about this?
He tweeted the link to it: https://twitter.com/ReturnOfKings/status/303587458463981570
This does not apply to everyone.
Is talking so much gonna create the tingles?
I feel a lot of us (beta/omega/sigma/delta … whatever) males out there are great communicators. But tingles seems to be associated with being misterious, the silent man who she has to conquer and open up to be able to access his world.
I am a fantastic communicator (told by many girls) and I never run out of subjects and talk about them like guy 3. I maybe lacking the HOW I do that though.
I’m happy to go more into the ‘How’ for another post. As a quick summary, making sure she feels attraction while you’re talking involves:
*Strong, dominant body language
*Strong eye contact
*Having a deep voice
*Speaking slowly and confidently
*Pauses, which build tension
*Changing the way you look at her – that you see her sexually and that you want to devour her
Or as Roosh would call this – ‘ramble’
Getting good at rambling is probably the most crucial step in the initial stages of meeting a woman
Thanks for this – Samseau had suggested we actually call the post “Improve Your Pickup Ramble
With One Easy Technique”. I wasn’t familiar with this phrase, but it definitely applies.
Or maybe you could find something that actually interest you and details wouldnt be a problem instead of transforming yourself into a psychopathic manipulator. For notch count yes a good strategy..for life quality in the long run, not.
“psychopathic manipulator”?
For real? Dude improving the way you communicate is hardly about being a manipulator. If that was the case, then EVERYTHING you’ll learn on this and other sites to improve yourself is ‘manipulating’ women.
Go read what I’ve written here about attraction to straighten yourself out:
http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/07/12/you-need-to-stir-girls-emotions/
Everything you do can be interesting. This is my life right now:
A: I ate breakfast at the cafeteria at work this morning. — FUCKING BORING
B: I had breakfast at the cafeteria at work this morning, hash browns and sausage, same as usual. Was dragging so I also got a Monster energy drink. — GOD, YOU LIVE A BORING LIFE
C: So I’m battling a hangover – I don’t know how I got it, because I only had half the vodka I had the other night – and breakfast this morning fixed me right up. I’m a sucker for bad hash browns – a little sloppy and messy, not too crispy – and breakfast sausage, and the cafeteria at work is amazing at it. Yeah I know, who would have thought? Cafeteria food at (redacted), of all the places to get a good homespun meal. You know, I can’t figure myself out sometimes. Put regular food in front of me and I’m just as happy as with gourmet. — NOW WE’RE TALKING
I don’t know if I’d talk about that specifically, but C is definitely more interesting than A or B even if the subject material is a little mundane.
Women’s innate solipsism (yes, men have it too, just not to the same degree) makes them think that all the mundane stuff that they do is of vast interest to the world at large. This is why Instagram is full of photos of cheesecake on square plates and martinis with the besties. This is also why they talk a lot about stuff that is innately uninteresting. But socially adjusted women can take an innately uninteresting topic and make it at least passably interesting with the injection of their thoughts and feelings and whatnot. So can men, though the learning process is a little more unnatural for us.
Think of the times you’ve had an interesting conversation about incredibly mundane topics like the weather – you probably didn’t just sit and pass facts back and forth. You probably had a ‘C’ type conversation with all the decorations.
(Addendum: I am overusing the word ‘mundane’ instead of ‘dull’ or ‘stupid’ or whatever, as I only wish to communicate the ordinary nature of chitchat rather than to pass judgment on it.)
A, B, and C are all borrrring… you don’t know what you’re talking about, including the author of this article.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90LzmVJmZgw
All the naysayers are missing the point.
Details will always matter to women because their brains function differently than men, at least on average.
Any guy who has told gross-out stories to a girl and seen her visibly flinch and worse, become sick just from a verbal description knows that chicks experience conversations differently than men.
They’re more verbal and more sensitive to details and imagery. They *will* imagine and vicariously experience the details you regale them with. It seems absurd to logical minded men (like me), but there it is. They have the same sense of mystery about our taste for hardcore porn.
Our? No.
The word you wanted was visceral not verbal.
Short, sweet and practical. Great Post!
Thanks very much!
i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again (hell, even Roissy wrote a post with my advice via his comment section).
if you want to stand out while chatting up a woman (especially if she’s attractive), simply ask her “WHY” when she states an opinion. most guys are overly eager to agree with what she says to build show common interests.
girl- “i really like…….”
you- “really, that’s interesting. what exactly do you like about…..?”
prepare for a lot of um, oh, i guess, and actually thinking. you know why most really attractive women aren’t that interesting?
BECAUSE THEY DON’T NEED TO BE!!!!!
they have no shortage of dudes falling over themselves to get the pu-nani. so when you ask her why, and or disagree with something she likes- you go straight to the “hmmmm, this guy’s different.” list. men HAVE to cultivate an interesting personality (especially if he’s a short, bald fuck like me), to be successful with women.
They think you actually care about their opinion. The problem is most guys don’t even bother trying to fake listen to what hot chicks say they just stare practical drool and make it obvious it’s fucking insulting.
doesn’t this kind of contradict the “don’t elaborate on bait until she shows interest” from Day Bang
if you’re already on a date/+5 minutes into the approach with a girl some level of interest has already been shown. this is the next step, a long conversation that builds a connection.
Ah thanks herp, excellent.
I’m not talking about rushing in and talking about in-depth experiences within minutes of meeting a girl. This is more relevant to once you’re actually talking properly, be it on a date or otherwise.
There is no one size fits all game. I’m not the most handsome man and opening is definitely my weakness. I have a reputation as a closer for one reason only. Rich descriptions. If you can get a girl to feel something, she’ll thank you for it.
You’re right about needing to make girls feel. I’ve previously written –
Men, you need to make girls FEEL. Girls are emotional creatures, and they need to experience sensations when they are with you… By holding your frame, not giving into shit tests on the account of her beauty, and being the right combination of comfortable and sexual (we’ll go into this another time), she will be insanely attracted to you. This can result in such insane attraction that she will put ridiculous amounts of focus and energy into getting you.
http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/07/12/you-need-to-stir-girls-emotions/
As Heartiste says in his 16 Commandments of Poon:
X. Connect with her emotions
Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
Word.
X. Connect with her emotions
Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
”””””’
””””Men, you need to make girls FEEL. Girls are emotional creatures, and they need to experience sensations when they are with you… ””””
yea trying to come up with some lasting shit i might need to work on especially when i catch the oneitis
pretty good at telling crazy stories though that get there heart pumpin
and they feel it
my 5 years in iraq kuwait got cash value too
its just so much easier at this point to pick up ho’s with loot then pick up reg chicks
i have gotten more bitches recently than any other time in my life including when i was hot enough that i look at pictures of myself and got to say dam
showed my chick older pics of myself and she was licking em lolzzzz
it is kind of incentive to get in shape almost
You’re not on a linear path with her. ””””’
thats what i meant taking the future out of the equation in regards to oneitis like if my chick comes back and i still want to hit it being able to say there is no fucking future with us while still enjoying that putty
Great stuff.
Just wondering, isn’t also good to be succinct? I used to tell really rambling stories and lose people’s interest. I took some public speaking courses and learned to simplify my storytelling and use inflection to keep it interesting. Not at the expense of details like these however – always good to share with a woman how something “felt,” especially with travel, food, activity, etc.
Sometimes, yes. Sometimes it’s important to shut up so you can build the tension and kiss the girl. It depends on the situation. But when you’re spending time one on one with a girl, be it on a date or as your girlfriend, you need to be a good conversationalist to keep her interested and hold her attention.
Good on you for taking some professional courses to improve.
Good post. It’s hard to put it in writing and have it come across sounding right. The main thing is to have some sort of passion and enthusiasm for what you are talking about. Think the engaging lecturer vs the guy who puts you to sleep.
Exactly. Or think of an exciting blockbuster movie as opposed to boring daytime television. Which would you rather be?
Great post- came just in time after a date where I came off as a little inquisitorial. Thanks man. A buddy of mine told me: the more you get the girl’s blood going to her head, the further it is from her loins. Not what you want.
Another tip a friend suggested, also echoed by game advocates: make statements that are interpreted as questions, but aren’t strictly. It gives the girl a chance to answer in whatever way that’s most interesting to her. ‘That’s a interesting book,’ instead of ‘What book is that?’
I’m previously written a post you’ll find useful – “When Speaking with a Girl… DO NOT INTERVIEW HER”
http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/when-speaking-with-a-girl-do-not-interview-her/
Rebuttal:
I always try to answer inane questions such as these with a joke or a non-answer, immediately followed up by an open ended question. As a default, I don’t think women are interested in what I have to say, so I don’t say it. Most of the time the just want to talk, or they ask me questions because they want to say something to me.
I dont take anything women say or ask at face-value. If they really are interested, they’ll come back to the topic, where a response with your advice is solid.
I’d be interested in hearing how you’d reply to “how was your weekend?” in a playful non-traditional way.
Excellent post, and the comments are just as informative. One of the guys earlier said that the level of detail you use shows your self-esteem, and I agree 100%. You see your life as boring, and that’s what leaks out, even when you’re talking about the dopest experience ever.
Also, to the guys worrying about being succinct, it isn’t about sharing every detail, it’s about sharing the most important ones. And you only gain an instinct for what details are worth sharing with practice.
True. Also another point is to go on tangents when you talk. I’ve previously written:
One of the techniques to help people retain information is to go off on tangents. Tangents help us learn because they’re a great way of grabbing attention. You rarely drift off when someone goes off on a tangent, do you? You actually hang on to every word, wondering when the speaker will come back to the point.
So true. Incorporate this into your conversations with women – multiple threads and tangents, connecting them in interesting ways. It will result in her thinking that you have plenty more to talk about when you meet up again.
http://3rdmilleniummen.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/you-need-this-book-to-get-what-you-want/
This entire comment thread is an amazing look into the nuts and bolts of why learning game is so goddamn difficult for many people, i.e. there are so many points and counter-points, rules and exceptions that many men (my earlier self included) become completely disillusioned and throw their hands into the air. Roosh says it “this way”, Roissy says it “that way”, random commenter X (or someone with clout like Danny) has an entirely different approach, and all of them appear to be killing it in their own right. The learning curve is absolutely merciless, and – ironically enough – the system self-discriminates so that – in truth – only the top of the heap of men attempting to learn game will actually pass all of the hurdles to reach a level of true proficiency; the truest “betas” will fall by the wayside, and the “omegas” won’t even stand a chance.
For my money all of this information is valuable, either as a rule, an exception to the rule or an exception that *proves* that rule, and this article in particular is of great help to guys like me who maybe calibrate a little too far into the aloof and ‘mysterious’ spectrum and end up being boring and forgettable.
Posts like these (and the comments that follow) are the lifeblood of good game blogs. Your work is much appreciated.
All the codified game lore does is allows you to recognise outcomes from your own experience. It let’s you know you’re on the right track. One of the old school players from fast seduction said that good game is 10% theory and 90% experience. Which is why any player worth his salt recommends going outside and talking to girls rather than sitting around keyboard jockeying.
The rule is simple: If you’re high value, be brief. If you’re low value, talk your ass off.
The guy that’s 6’2, 200 lb. of muscle with blonde hair and blue eyes will do better with response #1. He has high passive value, which is a DHV, so he should go straight for comfort. Putting her on the spot, getting her to open up is a DHV, plus it gets her to invest.
The 5’5″ indian guy (think Aziz Ansari) going into a club better have damn good verbal game, because he has to use active value to DHV enough to get her interested.
I don’t think the rules are inconsistent, its just that they are not unified by operational principles.
Here’s two good ones:
1. The goal is always High Value High Comfort. HVHC.
2. If you are perceived as lower value than your target, focus on HV. If you are higher value than your target, focus on HC.
Great article! I mean great! Conversation is probably the worst part of my game.
Thanks for the feedback Justin! Email me at [email protected] if you want to email me where you’re getting stuck and want some specific pointers.
Excellent article. As someone who isn’t a great conversationalist & would rather say in a few words what others take 50 to say, this is something I struggle with.
Thanks Craig, glad you found it useful. Feel free to email me at [email protected] if you need any specific advice.
While I agree this can be taken to overkill, and doesn’t necessarily fit in the suite of traits of specific alpha types (i.e., the laconic stoic), this is solid advice overall. Especially taking into consideration Commandment X, these skills are a must-learn for most guys.
Great to see input from George here, btw. 3MM is one of the best Manosphere blogs out there!
Exactly, this is a skill. It’s not something you do in every interaction with a woman, all the time. Like other skills with women, you apply it as appropriate.
Thanks Colonel, greatly appreciate the compliment!
On the contrary “the laconic stoic” that takes you on an emotional journey , with few words and complaints is very interesting.
Agreed, this is an excellent post. Those who can’t pull off the laconic, staring off into space alpha-of-alphas vibe (like myself) have to really be able to skilfully leverage conversation instead.
That’s not laconic , that’s catatonic. The objective is to be interesting not verbose.
Hm. I think there’s a happy medium. Guy number three reminds me of a few days I had before I was married when I felt that 1) I could hardly get a word in which proved to me that 2) The guy wasn’t the least bit interested in me as a person.
I’m not exactly a chatty kathy, but I do think too many words is overkill and the first example was a bit much, IMO. Of course, it’s situationally dependent which is where social intelligence comes in.
Not days in the second sentence above, dates. Sorry.
Hey George-
Nice to see you are guest posting over at ROK. I think the ‘how was your weekend’ example is especially important to remember. Every week, you will be asked that question. Will you become known as the guy who never has anything interesting to say?
Storytelling, as a skill in the 21st century, is VASTLY underrated. We spend so much time in school trying to regurgitate math problems, verb conjugations, and the fact that our creative energy is drained.
It’s telling a story. That’s the technique. To tell a story you have to share details. I use stories as openers, I’ll point out to something interesting going on and then immediately relate it to something that’s happened to me in the past and tell the story.
Is it really that difficult for men to just be themselves around women? We are going to figure out who you really are anyways, why try to act like you’re someone that you aren’t? If she doesn’t like you for who you are, why would you want her?
How will she know who you are unless you understand how to convey it in an interesting way that keeps her attention?
Game is about finding yourself and knowing how to convey who you really are to women.
Bitch, go make us a fuckin’ sandwich.
man i do this shit. i still get fuckin’ nowhere
Oh for fuck’s sake… the author is outlining conversational style and game that was relevant in the 1990’s. It does not apply anymore. Here’s how to be interesting to a female today:
http://www.balboahorizons.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Cocaine-Addiction1-1024×682.jpg
if you talk more than a woman does its gonna turn her off lol
Wow, this seems like very good advice. I look forward to putting it in practice when I get the chance.