3 Reasons To Go All-Out On Her Birthday

How many times have you heard one of these excuses from a girl:

 “I can’t meet up with you. It’s my birthday dinner with my friends.”

“My birthday weekend was so much fun!”

“(crying) How could you forget my birthday?!”

“No, that was my birthday with my family. This is my birthday with my coworkers!”

As rational beings, men are quick to dismiss anything lacking immediate intrinsic and empirical value. Why should we celebrate what, to us, is some random day that everyone without exception possesses? I used to feel this way, but I was wrong. If you’re playing the game, you need to take this monumental occasion seriously. Here are three reasons why you should treat your girl like the princess she obviously is when her birthday rolls around:

1. She needs to be the star once in a while

Your girl’s birthday is her one chance to be the center of attention. With only Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tinder, and OKCupid available to make her feel special on a daily basis (and with increasing competition for likes and messages every day), your girl deserves the chance to bask in rare morsels of attention. You may notice that she becomes more demanding, flaky, or bitchy during the two week period surrounding her date of birth—ignore it and be happy that she chose to include you in this special period.


2. She only gets “one” birthday

You must realize that birthdays are a rare occasion for your girl: she only gets to celebrate it once with her friends, a single time with her family, once or twice with her best friends, once with her coworkers, and maybe a few other times with various acquaintances each year. Just as the hosting country will facilitate the housing, feeding, tourism, and drunken revelry of Olympics athletes every 2 years, it is your responsibility to make her feel special during these festivities.


3. Her birthday is a reflection of her hard work and strength of character

Can you believe how hard she’s worked to put this day into motion? First, she personally orchestrated her parents having unprotected intercourse 9 month prior to this date. Second, in an innovative and laborious marketing campaign, she’s personally seen to it that every person she interacts with is conscious of the day’s significance. This requires Obama Campaign-level social media canvassing, no small task in today’s world. Lastly, she has managed to survive to reproductive age against all odds, despite the scourges of modern medicine and technology. Sure she may have a couple extra pounds on her frame or rely on antidepressant medication to compensate for poor diet and lifestyle choices, but these are just byproducts of a life lived without the guiding beacon of male privilege.

As part of your compliment and cuddle game, be sure to respect the birthday of the western woman as sacred. Birthdays are so much more than just a participation award in life, and dare to forget them only at your own peril. If you do, you might end up buying expensive jewelry to make up for your insensitivity or, even worse, being called an uncaring jerk. And we all know that guys like that never succeed with women.

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82 thoughts on “3 Reasons To Go All-Out On Her Birthday”

  1. Great article actually. A nice little outlay of cash, trinkets, flowers, card etc. once could actually be a quite economical move as far as spending money on her all year long. You could always point out the extravagance that was lavished on her at her last birthday.

  2. I strongly disagree. My experience tells me it’s better disappearing that day, even with a blatant excuse. A day when a obnoxious girl has carta blanca to be even more annoying. A day when you are part of the family at best; a stranger surrounded of people judging you most of the times; an enemy at enemy territory at worst. And a day when is expected to pay them with a gift on top of that.
    Fuck all of that. And fuck the chick if she says something about it.
    We should start promoting a zero investment on girls. Not one more penny wasted on bitches.

    1. Couldn’t agree more. Bitches have been fed the big lie that their Birthday is the most important day of the year-not dissimilar from the birth of a God.Need examples: MTV Sweet 16, 18 and 21st where Beta fathers buy everything for their spoilt bitches. It’s just another working day and it should be treated as such. Buy or make a card and don’t spend because it will only let her compare it to other males who have bought her commercial grade shit in her life and you will invariably fall short compared to wealthy fathers, uncles and grandfathers or worse ex-beta partners. Make sure that you are there but in the background but keep things realistic around her friends and family.

    2. What happens when that other “Alpha” dude she knows (and wants her pussy) sends her a dozen red roses to her office….(so she can show off to the other bitches as well)….with a nice little card?
      You will look like a cheap skate won’t you?
      Treating the bitches on your “inner-circle” well once a year….with roses for example…does not indicate that you are beta or your smv is lower than her’s….it indicates class.

        1. H…Y…P…E…R….G…A….M…Y.
          Do you know how to use it to your advantage?
          How do YOU compete with other Alphas?
          Don’t forget he knows game just like you….but he treats her right ONCE a year….you got NO chance boy.
          SkittlesMan is a comparison between an Alpha and a loser beta….Not what we are talking about.

        2. “Do you know how to use it to your advantage?”
          Yes, send her one flower on any random day that has absolutely no significance.
          “How do YOU compete with other Alphas?”
          I don’t. If they want in, they have to compete with me.

        3. classic !
          He had several “lady friends” who stayed the night at his house and he
          claimed they were “Just friends”. He frequently forgot important details
          about me, such as the fact that I had a sister, my birthday and what
          sorts of hobbies I had. He blew me off constantly, would return calls a
          week later with the excuse of “I was busy.” I often spoiled him with
          gifts, rides and sex only to receive a bag of Skittles in return. (I
          don’t even like skittles!) That was the only gift I ever received from
          him! I met a new friend and we were bonding over “worst ex-boyfriend
          stories” and suddenly we realized “boy, a lot of these sound the same…
          Was his name ____?” IT WAS THE SAME GUY!!!

        4. Why the fuck would I want to compete with other alphas?
          There are plenty of daddy-issues girls out there who can’t even get the attention of greater betas, but are still hot.

        1. Read everything I wrote……
          1. Sent her flowers (red roses) on her birthday to her office (very important) with a small and “non-big-deal” card.
          2.She is one of MANY in my inner-circle…..and she KNOWS it (very important also).
          1.The bitch gets nothing….perhaps some NEGS to show her how unimportant she is to you….and her birthday does not mean anything (TO YOU that is).
          Who is getting pussy tonight?

        2. Well, I got plenty last night. Main plate is pretty much trained to orgasm from anal every time. Last night took 4 minutes.
          The “bitch” has been getting nothing whilst one of her coworkers keeps bringing her coffee back from Starbucks, inviting her to happy hours, etc. I keep prodding her to go just so she’ll have something to do with her time besides pine away for me.
          It’s tragic to watch a girl waste her best and most fertile years on me, especially when she wants family/kids… but all of ’em refuse to listen to me and actually go for any of the good guys in their life.
          I guess the good guys can’t induce anal orgasms.

        3. “Cindy Crawford: George Clooney Sends Me Flowers Every Year For My Birthday!
          Cindy Crawford reveals that George Clooney sends her flowers every year for her birthday”
          Yeah…this guy is Beta and all the other “Alphas” here are super classy dudes…….

        4. Fair enough, I’m either for virgins or the gutter trash but decent looking it’s in the bar. Sending flowers to a girl you keep on rotation that is better, slightly probably, than the filth below is a very reasonable thing to do… I guess I misunderstood and thought flowers were going to the trash downstairs.

        5. Hello Senior Sherlock. I’m going to give possibly shocking news, I’m sixteen years old, have read few of your comments, and would like a proper definition on misogyny from an actual misogynist. I’m soooo sick and tired of chicks throwing it around like it practically means nothing anymore. Guy looked at me: Misogynist. Disagrees with my opinion: Misogynist/ resort to idiotic name calling(i.e. “Rapist pig”, Virgin loser who lives in his mother’s basement”) Like, really? So, please, please, please, give me a proper definition so I can correct not-so-ladies when they do this. I mean face it most girls and women are less than lady-like. And any girl who has a problem with it, that’s not my department. Why don’t you just keep screaming through your finger tips with your stupid insults and proving every misogynist, right. But seriously, a definition please. Like, no bs, I’m begging at this point. I’m begging you, Senior Sherlock, to give me a definition so I’ve got a fact to pull up when they start with their “That’s misogyny!”

        6. Hello Becky, I would first and foremost like to apologize for such a big delay between my messages… I just never saw you typed this until right now and if you notice my reply then great!
          As a misogynist I can only say the true definition of misogyny is as follows “Any man who truly wishes to see or do harm to women who do not meet is IDEAL in what women should behave like.” Now this definition is very loose as still, but a man who wants a virgin or a man who believe women should be virgins and won’t associate, or rather date, women who are not virgins would NOT be misogynist is they respect whores or wish to harm to be done to them. Such as for myself I believe murderers like the Jack The Ripper, aka killing whores, should not be punishable by any form of law or even considered anything other than commendable community service. So when someone says someone is a misogynist then the person it is directed at must truly hate and wish harm upon women who don’t meet his ideal, however another thing is that you can’t misconstrue the hatred and harm wishing upon women who cheat or otherwise…. Since hating a woman who cheats on her partners is justified since cheating is bad…
          I mean it really is hard to define, if we consider that feminists are hurting men then is ok to wish harm upon feminists, and aka be a misogynist? Or is that honest rage that is justified? Is hating women who make false rape claims, divorce husbands for BULLSHIT reasons, and make false domestic violence claims considered honest or misogynistic hatred? If you are looking for a MORE accurate but not 100% accurate definition then the one I provided should be good, however I please implore you to use in a case by case setting and considered whether the rage and hatred is honest or misogynistic.
          For my specific case I realize that I am a misogynist because I would wish harm upon a woman just because she looks like a slut even if she is a virgin. Me wishing harm upon whores, non virgins, is misogynistic but if I simply hated whores for scientific reasons without the wishing harm then I would not be a misogynist…

        7. you know women fake orgasms, right? keep it up and she’ll be doing it in 30 seconds or less.

      1. I buy a girl flowers if I fucking feel like it, and don’t buy them if I don’t.
        For example, I bought an ex-gf flowers when she was in the hospital. Girl was getting surgery due to a congenital condition; can’t really fault her for that.

      2. Keep it low key flowers are a tired cliche. A guy sending her flowers is about as groupie beta as it gets.1)write her a card. Say you have something planned in the future but its a secret for now.2) when you go on vacation sometime say that you wanted to do it on her birthday but realised how important it was to be with friends and family. That way you get the double bonus of 1) she perceives you think ahead 2) no wasted cash. 3) you double your chances of things going well 4) here’s the kicker you get to choose a convenient time to celebrate away from people ( who judge) and holidays she pays her way anyway. Take photos etc she is the centre of attention on the trips and happy to show what you did in holidays. You win all round.

        1. The difference here is the TYPE of women and the relationship level we are talking about…..(also read my comment above re: George Clooney).
          I mentioned my “inner-circle”…..these are not some cheap sluts that you would find in a bar….
          These are classy women with money and expensive taste…these are Alpha chicks….yeah go ahead and ask them to pay their own way on a holiday…

  3. Disregarding other comments, I shall take it as a satire that was lost upon some other readers. Would be lovely to see this shared by women with the lines among “Looks like ROK is not as misogynistic as we thought!”, although for the very wrong reasons.

  4. There is an age where people should stop making a big deal about their birthday. That age is 12.
    And for those of you who speak English as a second language, this is blatant flashing-neon-lights satire. Let me know if you need some English teacher recommendations.

    1. yes, if you have no friends like Roosh it’s obvious that you say that birthday partying is bad

      1. … spoken like a true attention whore who needs to be at the center of attention and ego validation from BFFs and Instagram “friends”

    2. “There is an age where people should stop making a big deal about their birthday. That age is 12.”
      Best post on this article! and truer words….truer words!!

    3. I don’t know, in the US I think the last birthday most care about (personally) is 21 because of the idiotic drinking age rules. After that: why care?
      Oh, and I love when girls at the office are ‘celebrated’ for age 30 and 40. You can see them dying a little bit if they’re unmarried and have no kids. The 40 year olds looking the most crushed, as their barren wombs haven’t done what they were biologically designed to do. They look so empty, as if they realize they’ve been sold a bill of goods. That would require to much realization, so they shuffle it to the side and try to forget.
      Enjoy the cats spinster girls.

    4. Damn, and my schlong was all rearing to get that sex from the missus that only beta provision provides!
      You really let my hopes and dreams down man. I was hoping that I could get birthday sex and write a huge post about it. Now I am investing in a blow up doll.
      Thanks for that.

      1. Enabling a societal ill gets poetic justice, I don’t know whether I should be disappoint in the states stupidity or happy in the second-guessing that will follow.

    5. don’t you feel kind of bad that you feel you have to point this out as satire to your audience?

    1. #2 should have been the dead giveaway. I really like how the article starts with a “hmm… ok?” feeling and then goes into complete satire. Very well paced.

  5. To me, calling it a “birthday weekend” is entirely too much. When I was 15 I had a two day party because my birthday fell on a Saturday. The first day was for the high school crowd and family/friends, but the second day was for close friends and family that spent the night playing PS2 and watching movies. Even then, I didn’t wake up Sunday with the delusion that it was still my birthday.

      1. “Huey.” But on the real, I cannot wait for the fourth season to FINALLY come out! It’s a TBD date of April, at best.

  6. There is a joke whose punchline is:
    “I’d love to go out with you, John, but it isn’t every day a girl gets to have a man kill himself over her.”
    So if you really want to make your princess happy and give her a gift that she can treasure always . . .
    Just sayin’.

    1. You know it isn’t ever day a girl gets to have a man kill her for being a useless waste of space whore.
      So if you really want to make your princess happy and give her a gift that she can never forget…
      Just sayin’.

  7. This is so funny…and so true! Woman love their birthdays! They have to celebrate it for weeks on end. What is crazy is that the older they get, the worse they become about it.

  8. When my birthday rolled around as a child my father would give one “Get out of jail free card” and any time until my next birthday I could get out of any lashings or punishments for anything I did just one time, although it was always fun how he wrote on the back “Will not work with actual law enforcement”. To this day that is all I see a birthday as and am glad for it, I will give a girl I’m with a one “Get out of jail free card” except I always specify this can’t be used in cases of cheating.

  9. Ditched my wife’s birthday a few days ago. I’m out of town. Called home very early and was told she was still asleep. Left b-day wishes with the oldest kid. Called back a few days later.

    1. You, sir, might still be married in a few years.
      Remember to “forget” the anniversary too.

        1. Today’s one of my plate’s dating “anniversaries”. Crap, I almost forgot to forget.

  10. George Washington was the father of our country and Lincoln was at the helm during the Civil War.
    Your fkg birtday is NOT a national holiday.

  11. well those are her three reasons… now your 6 reasons….
    4.) “It’s your birthday you have to try :
    – insert your deepest darkest perversions here –
    5.) She’ll pay for the party and the booze.
    6.) You get to meet her friends and innocently collect all their phone numbers
    7.) You can get a group rate discount on cover / table / drinks / hotel etc. or isolate her to a remote location and spend all weekend stretching her orifices. Yellow rubber gloves and medical equipment optional.
    8.) Her friend will come so you can line your buddies with bangs by inviting them along
    9.) She’ll drink too much so it’s a great time to bend her over in the parking lot or the restroom and treat her like the dirty birthday whore she really is.
    10.) You can film the sex and upload it just before you break up with her and send her the link as a final parting gift.
    and so much more……

  12. Don’t forget to be around one of your plates on YOUR birthday, though. (It can be +/- a week or so.)
    Women will do depraved things for their man on his birthday. I usually forget my own birthday, so my reaction is generally one of “why did she just walk into the shower and start giving me a blowjob”?

  13. I like the satire, but something that would be very useful to have on this site is an actual game guide for women’s birthdays. It feels like a giant Beta/shit test trap that lasts days if not weeks.
    Here is what I have tried to varying degrees of success:
    Avoidance. It’s a great time of year for a business trip, real or faked. Hey, you can’t get out of it because it is mandatory and you just hate the fact it has to be over her birthday weekend. Tell her you will take her out to dinner, just you and her, when you get back and that she should have fun with her friends. Result: has worked great when first dating but the tactic becomes less useful in LTR situations. In those LTR situations its something you can only pull every 2-3 years.
    Separate and Conquer. Take her to a remote location for the weekend and get her far away from her female friends. Get a respectable room and have a dinner at a decent restaurant. Spend most of your time keeping her naked and fucking. Result: usually works. It has to be deployed early before her friends make plans. Telling her reservations are non-refundable helps keep her going along with your plans.
    No Big Deal. Your birthday is no big deal to you and treat hers the same way. Unless she is an absolute whore you will have lowered her expectations of what she will get and you can deliver at that level. Result: works pretty much in every relationship, but only does about half the job of completely saving face.
    Her Friends. Tell her she should enjoy a good time with her friends and qualify yourself as “just a third wheel”. Offer substitute plans such as just you and her at a quiet, respectable venue. Act sincere. Result: 80% chance you will get a pass if executed properly. Go to strip club while she is out with her friends.
    Asshole Approach. “I don’t do birthdays. I find them childish, silly, etc.” and that is the end of it. Results: never tried, but I think the right kind of Alpha could pull it off. I would use this one with caution though unless you fit the bad ass motorcycle guy archetype.
    Gift. Keep any gift to a minimum. One should more then do it. Moderately priced jewelry such as earrings seems to work most of the time. Make her think you spent around $50 when you actually spent $20. Highly discounted stuff from Amazon is a good place to start.
    Card. Best move is just to skip it. Next best move is to get a semi-funny asshole type card (like one meant for a Grandmother). Write two sentences of garbage and sign.
    Flowers. No. Never. End of story.
    Celebration. Reciprocity is key here. Mirror what she does for you birthday and take it down half a notch. If she buys you dinner, then buy her dinner. If she cooks you something then you do the same. If she does nothing but give you a perfunctory gift then you do nothing.
    All of this aside, I think it is perfectly acceptable and within the bounds of decency while maintaining your Alpha status to take a girl out for a respectable dinner and to give her one mid-priced gift (that you picked, not her) around the $50 mark. But, individual circumstances may dictate otherwise.

    1. Separate and conquer is great. Always win/win because you get a great time and don’t need to put up with their friends/family.

  14. Before they were married, my father gave my mother a bag of old oranges for Valentines Day once, and nothing else. They didn’t have any special significance or anything, it was just a bag of oranges. They’re still together after 30+ years.

  15. And i used to think women didn’t like to mention their age (especially after the age of – lets say – 25). Birthdays are one of the many BS western inventions to milk the masses financially – just like Valentines, Father- and Motherday, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas etc etc. Celebrations should be exclusively reserved for accomplishments. Getting older isn’t an accomplishment.

  16. dafuk?this site is a big contradiction. on one side they tell us to not give a damn about the female needs and all ,on the other side they post this beta bs

  17. Pragmatically speaking, her birthday can be a great excuse for a girl to let loose (heh) and make risky decisions, including going home at the end of the night with a handsome charming stranger. Just like any Friday night…

    1. Also, if you’re in some sort of relationship with a girl, her birthday is actually a free pass for a little of your beta provider or emotional vulnerability game show. Assuming that you’re not that much of a chump that you choose to spend significant time with a weak chick, its ok to soften up once in awhile.
      It can’t be all stick and no carrot. Just don’t get carried away.

  18. Sometimes women really let you inside their mind. Their birthday is one of those times. I have seen women hype up their birthday months MONTHS!!!! in advance. What kind of mind is this? I have to admit though that I have seen a couple of men do this as well. It’s stomach churning to watch. You have to wonder what kind of upbringing someone had to engage in this type of behavior.

  19. Five words to break the satire: “Happier women give more sex.”
    Even though you obviously don’t think so, at least make her believe you find her special, and she’ll be more likely to put out for you. There ya go.
    If this isn’t true for your woman, her libido is dead, find a new one.
    Unless you’re one of the rare men who actually give a damn about how your woman feels. 🙂

    1. “Happier women give more sex…”
      …just not with their husbands or boyfriends.

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