My Beta Daydreaming

I’ve been at a low point for the last few months. At the beginning of May I learned that my dad has lung cancer. So far as I know, he never smoked a day in his life. It was one of those way out of left field sicknesses that seem to be so tragically common to our fragile species.

So far the treatments have been working, and since they caught it rather early in its development there’s a good chance my dad will pull through. Still; as a barely twenty-something, I’m not quite prepared for the inevitable deaths of my parents. I’m also in a panic about my own fate: am I destined to get cancer too? My dad is fairly young (in his mid 40s) and lived a relatively healthy life. Is it genetic? If I have kids, will they also inherent that curse? Was the cancer caused by all the electronic junk and heavily processed food we consume nowadays? If it was, am I going to get it even sooner than my dad did?

Needless to say, I signed up for every test to check myself out. I had my first experience of a doctor’s wiggling finger up my ass (Pro: it was a woman … Con: it was a fat, unattractive one). Although I’ve checked clear for everything I was tested for, the paranoia remains. I took a few weeks off work when I heard the news, and went back home to visit my folks. Still, the rat race stops for none of us schmucks, and after nearly a month home I had to make my way back out into the Canadian west to continue the drudgery of my blue collar job.

After a nearly fourteen hour workday of tiny spaces, sweat, dirt and electrical zaps from dumb shits forgetting to flip a switch off before I stripped a wire, me and my partner of the day packed up our work truck and headed back to the mid-sized city I currently call home. It has a nice view of the mountains and that’s about it, though there’s a mid-tier university there so there’s at least a large pool of young, bangable girls to make it semi-bearable.

Near the city limits, a black Ford 4×4 pulled out from a gravel road onto the highway ahead of us. Since we were going roughly the same speed, I got a good view of the people in the truck. Inside, I could see a girl was sitting in the middle of the seat, her head tipped onto the shoulder of the driver. His arm was around her, and as if to accentuate the whole lovey dovey scene, the sun was setting perfectly against the mountains, silhouetting the couple.


As I drove the last few kilometres into the city behind the truck, staring at the two of them, I felt an intense whirlwind of depressing emotions welling up inside me: jealousy, anger, despair. There I was, filthy and exhausted, driving a shitty old work truck that perpetually smelled like coffee, dust, cigarettes and fast food farts, while listening to a fifty-year-old high school drop out with a beer gut and a bright red nose of burst capillaries bitch and moan about having to pay alimony to his two ex-wives. All I had to look forward to at home (a rented house shared with two roommates) was a quick shower, a quicker (and non-filling) supper of a Salmon Fillet, some marble cheese and an apple, and then two hours of grunting at the gym, putting further stress on my already aching joints in order to build and keep the muscles which enable me to attract women who aren’t morbidly obese or shovel faces.

And as for my romantic options for after the gym? At that moment I had two women on the go: a university student who asked me to finger her in the taxi cab to the university dorms four hours after I first met her; and a suicide girl type whom I had hit up after a buddy of mine had finished his fling with her. I was (and still am) disgusted that I was sleeping with a girl who took the jizz of a man whom I personally know, but I console myself with the fact that the majority of women in my millenial generation are whores anyways, and whether I know who railed her before me is irrelevant in the big picture. There’s little point about fretting over her sexual past. It’s not like I’m going to marry her. Most of the time this reasoning works. Sometimes, like that night, I hate myself for giving them even the slightest bit of pleasure at the expense of both my dignity and my romantic soul.

Essentially, I had nothing to look forward to. Even as I write this, I am still going through the same routine; killing myself with long, hard work days to accumulate a bunch of money that does not even matter to me… I am not a consumer, there’s no toys I want to buy and I am too much of a nomad to purchase a house (not that I could find a decent woman to share it with in the first place), all while giving 38% of my pay-cheque over to taxes. Depending on the day of the week, after work I’m either sprinting with a weighted vest or lifting heavy shit and putting it back down, just to add a barely noticeable extra bit of mass to my muscles in order to attract slightly prettier whores than the ones I fool around with now. Then I have to basically beg said whores (who secretly disgust me) through texts to come over and give me some fleeting physical pleasure. Add to that my current fatalism due to my dad getting cancer and it’s not hard to see why I am in a low spot.

I couldn’t get these facts out of my head as I drove behind that truck. I just stared at that girl’s head on that guy’s shoulder, his arm around her. I wondered what their lives were like. Was the guy blue collar like me? His truck was fairly new, with an auxiliary fuel tank visible in the back, so it was a fair guess that he was either in construction or a farmer. What did she do? Were they married? Just dating? Was she the girl next door? Had they fallen in love in high school or only just recently? Did they have a house? Did she do the chores, waiting anxiously for him to pull up in his truck? Did she smile when he did? Did he smile when he saw her?

from friends to lovers

I began to daydream about a life like that. I imagined how much better everything could be, if only I could meet a decent woman. I managed to push away those nagging red pill thoughts that there are very few women in the whole world who met the four basic qualities I seek (sexually attractive to me, not a bitch, not promiscuous, loyal) and that the odds of me finding one are up there with winning the lottery. How much more tolerable would all the shit I go through be if only I could have what those two in the truck in front of me surely had?

Like most men, I have a lot of acquaintances, a few friends, and no truly good friend: therefore, I have no one with whom I can talk frankly with about the bad stuff in my life. I imagined just lying in bed with a loving woman, the crickets chirping in the night time lawn outside our big country house, and just being able to talk freely without having to worry that I’m creeping her out or scaring her off because my human vulnerable made her see me as weak. I fantasized about coming home, filthy and exhausted, and finding dinner already set out for me… not because it was her wifely duty, but because she loves me and appreciates me and just wants to show she cares. There would be kids, finally something I could spend all my money on. There would be a lot of love, and of course there would be some bad times and some fights. But at the end, looking back with my woman on our lives when we were old and wrinkled, I could smile knowing we made it. She’d put her head on my shoulder, I, my arm around her, and we’d just sit there on our porch, watching the sunset.

“Stop at Timmies bud,” my partner said, snapping me out of my Beta Daydream.

We had entered city limits, and the truck with the couple was still in front of us. Every Canadian blue collar worker knows where every Tim Hortons coffee shop within a five hundred kilometre radius is, and I automatically drove to the closest one without thinking about it. Surprisingly, the truck with the couple led the way. It seemed that they were going on a little coffee date, or maybe they were just getting some doughnuts. They pulled into a parking space just beside the front door of the coffee shop, and since the guy I was with is a fat, lazy bastard who would bitch like the world was ending if I made him walk more than fifteen feet, I jammed the work truck into the small open space beside the Ford on its passenger side.

I wanted to see the couple. In the twenty minutes I had ridden behind them, I had become obsessed with how I envisioned their life to be. I wanted to look left and see two pretty young things who had bucked the majority trend of my generation and actually created a worthwhile relationship. I wanted some positive affirmation. Using my skillful creep vision, I turned my head ever so slightly, staring at them out of the corner of my eyes.

When I saw her, I snapped my head away before she could see me.

“You want something?” my partner asked. I um’d and ah’d until I saw the couple had entered the store, then told him nothing. He went inside and took his place in line just behind the couple, who got some drinks to go. When they came back out I pretended to be engrossed with something on the seat beside me. I’m not sure if the girl saw me, but she hasn’t texted me since then so I assume she never did.

The plot twists that real life drops on us are often so contrived and implausible that we would roll our eyes and boo if it was in a movie. This was one of those twists, and even looking back at it right now I can’t help but laugh and imagine how many of you reading this are unbelievably shaking your heads and rolling your eyes at such an obvious and surely fabricated outcome. If I had not been so depressed when I saw her, I know I would have burst out laughing.

We had been fuck buddies back in February. She was a university student who I had met through another FB of mine. I had spent nearly three weeks frosting her face like a Toaster Strudel before I grew tired of her vapid bitchiness and ghosted her with a complete communications blackout. Plus, toward the end of our brief winter romance, there had been a lot of evidence that she had been taking on another guy on the side so I wanted to be the one to end it. I doubt the third wheel who had joined our temporary trist back then was the same man who was now laughing at something she had said in the truck beside me.

The truck and the couple pulled away. I didn’t look to see if they were smiling, or if he had thrown his arm back around her shoulder. My partner came out and crawled back into the work truck, I drove us back to the shop. Then I went home and scarfed my bachelor chow down. I went to the gym, nearly hurt my legs with some bad form during a 345 squat, texted my current skanks and got no reply, so my night ended with thirty seconds of masturbation and a hefty deposit of my potential children into a sweaty gym sock.

I woke up at 5:30 am the next day to do it all over again. I also called my dad and asked how his chemo a few days before had gone.

Read More: An American Beta Male Story

106 thoughts on “My Beta Daydreaming”

  1. You seem to have no goal on mind but those illusionary goals of the betas of yore; to have the house and the kids. As someone who feels the same sense of nostalgia for having progeny and a home you can call your own. Yet I think as this dream fades a new dream must replace it. One of self improvement. One of strength. One of less material goals. One of destroying your enemies. Those who collect the tax.destroy the system by living off the system. Do not be the beta that the government wants to suck dry because there will be no thanks in kind.

  2. Great read. Your talent is wasted in a blue collar job if you can write like this. If you got so much as a business degree or (even better) something in S.T.E.M, there would be many employers willing to pay you 100k or more a year in your late twenties/early thirties. And you will save your back and your health.
    Even if you’re not a consumer, accumulating wealth is something every man can feel good about. Wealth allows you access to better medicine. It allows access to better education. It allows you freedom to move around. It allows you good lawyers if you get into trouble. It allows you options in most every area of human interaction. And although everyone knows a good player can get laid when he’s between jobs and dead broke, it doesn’t hurt to have a nice pair of shoes on a first date.

    1. Speaking as someone who has a business degree I would tell you not to bother. You might get 100K pa, you might not. Personally, I would spend the four years and 100k+ of tuition on building your business. You are already on your way.

      1. Question: I have a strong background in psychology (bachelors in cognitive science and ma in experimental psychology). Do you think it could be lucrative to leverage that psych specialty into an MBA? Would that open doors? Have you ever seen that sort of thing?
        To continue in psych would mean getting a phd which right now seems to me to be a risky investment.

        1. Unless you are getting an MBA from a top 3 school it’s most likely a complete waste of time and money.

        2. I think first of all would be to decide what kind of business you want to run and whether an MBA would help. Secondly, I would consider the cost of an MBA ($60k average and no life for two years) and what salary you expect to have at the end of it. You also need to consider the interest cost of repaying this $60K (and the mental headache) for years thereafter and whether salary less cost of the MBA and less interest will make you better off.
          Compare this to the salary you will earn working in your current job, the salary you will have in two years based on experience and decide which option will work out financially better (and better for you emotionally). Also, to improve your business acumen, you could take perfectly good evening courses at a community college (basic accounting, financial forecasting, budgeting, etc) that will teach you everything you need to know to manage a business, and this will cost you peanuts.
          The best thing really, is to decide how to leverage your knowledge into a product or service that you can convince someone to pay for.

        3. I just thought of a great real life example for you. I am similarly educated to you, with a business education and also a professional certification. Of the five guys in my team, I am the most highly educated and second lowest paid. None of the three highest earners have degrees. While I was being mis-educated for six odd years they were working gaining valuable experience and seniority. In truth they are slightly older than me but still years ahead even accounting for that.
          But I guess I’m smarter than them 🙂

        4. I would suggest thinking in terms of what you can actually DO with the degree than simply having it. I’ve learned far more from consulting with high levels business people than ever goes into a textbook or course. I admit to being sick of school and for what they charge they should give you 50% or more tuition back to fund an actual business.
          IMO and IME, passion for a subject, a measure of willingness to learn on your own and commitment to mastery are the keys to standing out. Many MBAs I meet are stuffed shirts void of practical skills let alone being personable and someone you want to engage with. Unplug from the educational matrix. PM me on RVF if you want to engage further.

      2. This is my path, but I started in STEM and learned an industry, then another, before starting my business. A cross between white and blue, being able to get into hardware while understanding the customer side, working with suppliers, advertising, managing people and mastering yourself. I’m inspired to create and article or series which I will probably do on RVF since that’s where many deep discussions take place.

    2. “Your talent is wasted in a blue collar job if you can write like this.”
      Nonsense. He already has an outlet for his writing. What difference does his job make?
      “If you got so much as a business degree or (even better) something in S.T.E.M, there would be many employers willing to pay you 100k or more a year in your late twenties/early thirties.”
      This is some world-class shitty advice. Unemployment for college graduates is at an all-time high. He already has steady work and a high savings rate. Why sacrifice all that, and possibly accumulate debt, all for a gamble on crap office work?

      1. Some points there. Yes “at one time” what Professor Jesus says could have been possible, when being smart was rewarded and such. But now… well I would suggest that intelligence be used for 1. Surviving the system and 2. Sabotaging the system

    3. “Wasted on a blue collar job” That is a poisonous message for young men. As if an intelligent man should be ashamed to work with his hands. Even Prince Seigfried of Norse myth spent years as an apprentice at a black smith’s forge, prior to his quests. It’s time to remove the stigma that feminists and that ilk have given to manual labor.

      1. I disagree. Someone could be very skilled in a trade and be wasted in a white collar job also. Don’t know where you picked that Jesus was demeaning blue collar per se.

    4. A business degree? What a joke!
      Let’s go learn business from professors who…
      1. Do not even work in a business
      2. Could not succeed at business
      3. Avoid the pressures of business by working in a cushy job
      I wish I’d have developed some real world blue collar skills than learning how to do Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations.

  3. Depressing as fuck but I can see where you’re coming from. I’m only in my early 20s and I’m already throwing out marriage or even LTRs as an option. The pickings are slim, so i guess I’ll have to have flings here and there.
    Sometimes I wonder what the next generation has to look forward to.

    1. Most men have very little to look forward to. Access to quantity of women gets much better as you age but predictably the quality declines.

    2. Yep a little depressing but hang in there guys. I had experienced something similar awhile back (in my 40s now) but I also learned from it. A decent or good woman doesn’t always come along exactly at the time when you want her to come along…it may be later (not saying that she’ll be younger or older).
      Patience is the lesson, here.
      And work on everything for you. Build up your self, hobbies, money, business, etc….for when that ‘right time’ comes…you’ll be ready to pull the trigger.

    3. Don’t worry about the next generation. Worry about your life right now. Make plans for the future, but don’t get to hung up on it. Focus all of your energy in the present moment. If you do things right in the present, then your future is going to look bright. Don’t sweat it, homie.

  4. As I’ve read your articles over the months, I’ve noticed your writing skills becoming more articulate and skillful. This was a well-written article and very heart-felt. I think most of us go through these fazes at one time or another and your dream is a valid one to me. Some might comment your article was depressing but I believe it was an honest revelation that reveals a self-aware person searching for something more.

    1. This one had the same vibe as the article published here a short while ago about the domesticated man vs the bachelor lifestyle. No matter which side of the pond you are on, you are going to have constant urges to experience the other.

    2. Very much agreed. I’ll add my voice to the chorus of praise here — powerful article Billy, revealing much truth. The facade of “Happily Ever After” as the answer to life’s problems may be the most important to let go, and it’s pieces like this that help drive that point home. I’m guilty as charged but thank you for the fierce reminder to snap out of it. I hope you find the answers you seek and wish you all the best with your father.

  5. N.B your body destroyed literally millions of cancer cells per day. Someone’s all it takes is one slip up( rare) and you Dan have cancer despite living a relatively healthy life and lower genetic predisposition. All the more reason to live the life that yields you and society greater value. That means not being a blue pill servant.

  6. I won’t comment on the article/topic itself – i’m sure there will be much discussion on it in the comments but I just want to acknowledge the quality of your writing. It’s excellent. You have a very engaging and visually descriptive style. You are certainly one of the best writers here on ROK. Keep it up.

  7. Good writing Billy. I think you’ve captured the way that a lot of men of this generation feel. I certainly have experienced a lot of what you described.
    The temptation to think that finding “the one” will make everything better is certainly pretty ingrained – its almost a cultural mythos. But Ive seen far too many miserable married (and divorced) men to put much stock in it myself. But sometimes this rational conclusion gets overrun by a sudden daydream, and I have to remind myself of the facts once again…
    Anyway, take care of yourself, and best of luck to your father.

  8. Billy, as i mentioned, this is an excellent article. I just need this clarified:
    ” He went inside and took his place in line just behind the couple, who got some drinks to go. When they came back out I pretended to be engrossed with something on the seat beside me. I’m not sure if the girl saw me, but she hasn’t texted me since then so I assume she never did.”
    She hadn’t texted? Not sure what you mean… but I assume then the chick turned out it was someone you knew?

    1. This confused me initially as well. Slight style issue here. He explains it lower down but it had me looking up and down the article.

  9. As everyone else stated, this is a very convincing and reflective piece. I can sense the desperation and loneliness in your writing. I can tell you that being the only one unplugged from the system is a difficult experience. At the very least try connecting with other red pill men via technology if you can’t do it in person. It makes a world of difference. All the posturing about being “alpha” amounts to little if you are not able to enjoy the company of friends.

  10. I doubt there is a single person who read this who cannot relate in some form to exactly where he’s coming from. This reminds me that almost 100% of the time, if I’m convinced, or really dreamed things are one way, they turn out to be another, or contaminated with the realities of what society has become.
    I.e. his day dream about this potentially great couple, just to find out it’s literally a girl he used to bang who was an incessant bitch and worth little more than a hole to fuck for a short while.

  11. Good article. I think there’s probably not one man on the planet who hasn’t had similar thoughts at one point or another in his life.
    I have had similar thoughts a time or two after a long week of hard work, thinking where is my reward for doing all the crap I do? Then I have to remind (more like slap) myself not to be thinking like a bitch as that leads to depressive behavior. Reward? If I want something go out and get it like a man, nobody is going to show up on the doorstep with a silver platter and a pat on the back.
    I maintain good health and a nice frame as well, but it isn’t to impress women, or anyone else for that matter. I do it for me period. This may sound narcissistic as hell but when I don the sport coat for a trip to the supermarket, I can look in the mirror and with my best Duke Nukem impression say to myself “Damn, I make this look good” haha, of course I still do the same if I’m wearing the workout rags.
    The main thing to remember to stay out of the depression rut is attitude. Maintain a positive attitude on the right things. Don’t turn the positive of all your hard work into a negative by expecting a reward, do it for yourself, or rather create your own reward. You are your own King, not a servant. Don’t turn the positive of good health and frame into a negative by having expectations of doing it to impress a woman, do it for yourself period, again you’re not a servant to anyone else in regards to your body.
    You might check out Tony Robbins, he speaks of positives, negatives and reprogramming yourself to stay out of the ruts we seem to create for ourselves.

  12. Billy this was a great piece.
    Sorry to hear about your Dad and I wish the best for your family.
    I totally get where you’re coming from dude and I’m sure 99% of our readers do too.
    I’ve also had that real life moment of “What!? Really?? This is possible?? You’re joking right??? IS THIS ACTUALLY WHAT IS HAPPENING????? WTF HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!!!!??!?!! HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN YOU FUCKING PSYCHO BACKSTABBING WHORE!??!?!?!??!”.
    Its a truly shitty situation for young men nowadays and I wonder if we’re gonna figure it out en masse. I know I wont be telling my sons to “just be yourself and go find a nice girl”…
    Anyways my advice to you if it means anything….
    – Don’t expect divine retribution…. She can get away with behaving that way for a long while… Forget her and live a good life. You can never tell with them if they are happy anyways… They spend half their energy pretending to be happy.
    – You’re clearly very intelligent. Working in a blue-collar environment, while physically and mentally engaging, might leave you feeling like something is missing. If you stop writing RoK posts (I hope you continue) find a new intellectual outlet for your sanity. Take up art, music, philosophy, whatever.. Just don’t let your brain deteriorate, it’s gonna be with you til the end.
    – Make it your business to find a close male friend who you can have a mutually beneficial relationship with. I’ve been lucky enough to have a few truly close friends but it takes time to build that comraderie. Like years…. And make it someone who had to work to get to where they are. Spoiled baby-men who have had everything handed to them since birth can sell out on you.

    1. Also just wanted to add…
      Your writing is different than the likes of the other RoK posters.
      Your style IMO is more artistic, connects to the soul, you articulate the best the actual feeling and experience of the RedPill man, whereas the other writers connect a little bit more on the intellectual side, you bring it together nicely…
      I would venture to say that you should start working on a book. You should start now while these feelings/thoughts are fresh. Don’t let it pass by.

  13. Its cliché but we want the life of the guy next to us and he wants yours at the same time. I have the loyal, slim, devoted, beautiful, feminine wife who I don’t appreciate as much as I should. If we would have gotten out of the truck you would have been jealous and dreamed about what it would like to be me. But you know what I would be thinking of driving into the sunset with my girl in my arm? How I would give anything to kiss and hug my old man. I still get tears in my eyes thinking of him. I lost him in my 20’s to lung cancer.

  14. “Like most men, I have a lot of acquaintances, a few friends, and no truly good friend: therefore, I have no one with whom I can talk frankly with about the bad stuff in my life. I imagined just lying in bed with a loving woman, the crickets chirping in the night time lawn outside our big country house, and just being able to talk freely without having to worry that I’m creeping her out or scaring her off because my human vulnerable made her see me as weak. I fantasized about coming home, filthy and exhausted, and finding dinner already set out for me… not because it was her wifely duty, but because she loves me and appreciates me and just wants to show she cares. There would be kids, finally something I could spend all my money on. There would be a lot of love, and of course there would be some bad times and some fights. But at the end, looking back with my woman on our lives when we were old and wrinkled, I could smile knowing we made it. She’d put her head on my shoulder, I, my arm around her, and we’d just sit there on our porch, watching the sunset.”
    Hey bud, that “could” have been, if civilization was not destroyed. It’s in your own article. Dad getting cancer in his 40s, wrecked slut girlfriends, etc. The only reason why we are not fighting men in purple mohawks trying to kill us for a tank of gas is due to inertia. You will notice, the longer you live, how every other person is a backstabber, every other person has some kind of pathos about them (aspietard, liar, sociopath), how it’s next to impossible to find people to do a job or show up on time, etc.
    But it’s what “they” wrought, the people living in cities built by men, who write articles about how men are irrelevant.
    Prepare accordingly and stock up on shovels. For the world needs to become the very thing that sloughs “them” off.

  15. Billy, this is a very relate-able story. I imagine most men in the west feel like this most of the days. Life is usually full of fuckery and we have to please alot of manginas to get by sometimes…if we want to play by the rules or so to speak. I wake up everyday and make the same damn protein meal and fire up my motorcycle as I have my same damn coffee as I head down to the same damn gym with the same damn routines and get to my job that I somewhat find interesting to make that useless money to function in society. After I get off I text the same damn type of girls with the same bad attitudes to set up the same type of hangout/sex/weird dating sessions. I seem very sociable because I have many acquaintances…but I suspect everyone is just faking it just like me so they can get by. So I talk to the same damn people about the same damn stupid subjects. I only know one other who I can really call friend that lives in another state and we get the talking sometimes about how gay society is and how we wanna just punch everyone in their fucken faces and fuck all the bad attitude bitches just for being bitches. But you know once in awhile life feels better when I leave the states for a vaca somewhere the water is warm and girls have pleasant features/attitudes. Hang tough…it’s hard out here for a player.

  16. Nice essay. You are young and will find your way. There are still some good women left. In some places there are more of them than in others, though of course 98/100 are not LTR-worthy.
    As far as cancer prevention goes – orthomolecular supplementation decreases the risk of cancer in most cases by more than 70% (example – Selenium 200mcg daily). Plus it gives you an extra edge during strenuous physical activities.
    And also you should get some good friends – they can live far away. It helps to be yourself at least with one person in this world. Don’t let the inability to bond of the current generation infest you too.
    Apart from it – this is becoming true for most of the world – but you are no Beta anyway:

  17. I didn’t know you were in your early 20’s Billy. Honestly thought you were of the older bunch. This is a great read and I relate wholeheartedly. I have a couple personal stories and conundrums going on/have gone on in my life that I can relate to this.

  18. “I had spent 3 weeks frosting her face like a toaster streudal”…. lol….That is a top shelf phrase sir.

  19. Actually, your case is no different than any white collar guy at a grey cubcle, at a job he hates to buy useless shit, while trying to fuck the same skanks being fucked by everyone else.
    You are young, in top physical shape, have no (ex) wife or alimony to pay, work blue collar in the country side, and able to fuck some whores. By many measures you are more alpha than any white collar, fat, beta corporate guy.
    But the red pill by itseld will never give you happiness. It only gives you the truth. What you need is to find your path in life. Save as much as you can, stay fit, fuck more whores, plan an escape route, research for a niche and start a small business. It will take years, but it will be worth it. If you have a better idea, I am all ears.

    1. But the red pill by itseld will never give you happiness. It only gives you the truth.

      Truer words have rarely been said.

      1. The Red Pill is the first step to achieving enlightenment and personal freedom from the status quo, social conventions etc. It allows you to see the light on the horizon. It opens doors of perception so you are then able to view things a lot more differently and more clearly. All of a sudden you feel much more autonomous and can write your own destiny in stone if you want. The Red Pill gives you options to choose how you want to live your life. When you have a grasp of reality, you then take it upon yourself to create or construct a life that you feel is right for yourself and it is this power of choice that is so liberating. Nothing beats the Red Pill. No ideology even comes close. Red Pill is reality, ABSOLUTE TRUTH. Not RELATIVE TRUTH. Use it to your advantage and reap all the benefits for a more fulfilled life.

  20. Working the daily grind can really depress man on its own. I really like the red pill concept but its seems to me red pill is somewhat relative. I notice things that bother people in these articles that used to bother me but don’t. I would stress that people who do feel like this at times because we all do get the blues every now and then to try and meditate and do heavy breathing. These two activities help a lot at relieving stress. And if you’re up for it, some bioenergetics that Elliott Hulse recommends, scream, shake, cry, hit your chest, do the bow exercises, is an excellent way of releasing built up tension.

  21. Love in the West is dead. These women are good only for a quick fuck
    We look back on the past with envy, when human tenderness and intimacy were still possible. This is my greatest lament towards feminism, that something so basic as love and intimacy is dead.

    1. Do you think the rise of social media led to the death of these emotions like love, romance, intimacy and affection at a faster rate? I agree, most women are soulless these days. They only seems to care about their iPhones, their superficial relationships, their corporate careers and other meaningless things that don’t truly bring them happiness. Women are very impressionable and easy to brainwash, they have a herd mentality and listen to all the bullshit PC liberal feminist propaganda in the media everyday and think that this is how their lives have to be. Bunch of dumbasses. Civilization is going to crumble slowly until REAL masculine men step up and do something about it. It can’t be left to the politicians, state and federal governments. Problem is, nobody is willing to sacrifice anything anymore. People are so fat and comfortable and have attachments and addictions to media, food, drugs, alcohol, material goods, bad relationships. I’m going way off topic here, where was I? Oh right. Bitches be dumb! Don’t trust em, don’t love em, just fuck em. But wrap it tight, if you wanna do it right! And I’m out!

  22. Billy,
    I love your posts. You are one of my favorite writers on this site and this was difficult to read because your writing generally has an undertone of general lightheartedness towards life. This was not one of those times. I have been in your shoes and I have had that dream girl. No she was not a unicorn, but something great. It is over now but that is because I moved and I knew she would hate me if I moved her with me. Besides I live in abundance mode and know I will find another. Yes I know it will be hard but what in life that is good is easy? As of late I have been withdrawing into myself, going into monk mode if you will. I have had a lot of awesome revelations that have made my day to day life much better. Here is something I wrote that I think may help you out some.
    I hope your mindset shifts back to the usual cheery demeanor you seem to have possessed.

  23. Billy,
    Sorry about your father’s situation, brother. He and I are close in age. He may well pull through, treatment for many types of cancers has advanced by leaps and bounds and continues to do so every year.
    There is a heavy heart to be had when contemplating the mortality of one’s own father. To a son who is close to his father it is especially painful, as you have to consider life without the primary male role model upon which you’ve based your own personality. It’s tough man, and I’m sorry you’re going through it at such an early age. My father is in his mid 60’s and has very recently, this last June, had a major heart attack. He survived and is doing well now, but at the time I was doing the same thing you’re doing now, albeit with a different set of circumstances. The only successful thought I had about the entire ordeal was that I got to spend my life in the presence of this heroic man in a way that nobody else in his life could. He got to influence not only his only son, but also his grandson, in a very positive and masculine way. I have no doubt your father did the same for you.
    You’re young and have your life ahead of you. There are no guarantees in life at all except for death I’m afraid, so there’s no reason to dwell too hard on it (looking back, wishing for things to be different, etc). You have to work with what you have in your hands at the moment, and believe it or not there have been many generations of men who were in much worse circumstances than we find ourselves in today.
    Wish you the best, and hope for a speedy recovery for your father.

  24. Billy, I’m very sorry to hear about your dad. I wish him and the family the very best.

  25. If you’re really spending 2 hours at a time at the gym, you’re wasting a ton of time. You can easily accomplish the same outcome with 1 hour sessions. Get some of your time back.

    1. Absolutely agree. I’m a HIT man myself, works wonders and you don’t have to be a half-day gym rat to get great results.

    2. I suspect part of the reason he goes to the gym is because he finds some degree of peace there.

  26. Hey Billy,
    Sean here and I just want you to know I understand. Currently working 50 hours a week at my own gig, training martial arts 12 hours a week, and come home to little more than crickets at my rented apartment. Eating a healthy diet, saving money, and building something for the future almost seems worthless/hopeless when reality rears its ugly head. I guess all we can do is keep the faith and continue to build ourselves up to be the men our fathers can be proud of. I’ve come to realize through observation of many walks of life perhaps earning the respect of our fathers, and peers, and building a life to be proud of is of the highest calling. If we are all forced into servitude then we might as well learn to love it and apply our knowledge and skills to be the best we can possibly be in the system we are enthralled in. One love from the 603. Stay hungry. Stay thirsty. Keep the faith no matter what. Brother

  27. Well, you’re going through the same thing most 20 somethings go through. I like to call it 20’s angst. Right now you’re focused on what you don’t have. Let me give you some perspective.
    I, like your father am in my mid 40’s. I lost my father when I was in my late 20’s. Everything we have in life with the exception of two things can be replaced. Time and family. I’m married. I have two kids. When I was in my 20’s, I too was an electrician. (A quick side note, treat all wires as if they’re hot. Otherwise make sure you’ve turned the breaker off your self. Carry a fucking tester and use it!) I use to watch other people having fun while I was working. One of my dreams was to be like my bosses and be able to take a boat out on a weekday. There was so much stuff I thought I’d never be able to do. I just never thought I’d be in a place that I’d be able to get time off or even be able to afford a boat. I had a couple dry spells but for the most part I always had quality women around.
    Here’s what you have on your side, TIME. You can loose everything, you can make it all back. The one thing you can’t do is turn the clock back. You’re in your 20’s, you have 40 years to work at acquiring wealth and happiness. If you keep at it, one day sooner than you think, you’ll look at what you have and realize you’re pretty well off.
    Let me ask you this. You’re slogging away at your job. Are you gaining experience? Are you working at getting your contractors license? I got mine when I was 22. It was a couple years after that my brother and I were taking my 25′ boat to the lake on a Wednesday for a week long trip. As I was filling up my boat with the last few dollars I had my brother asked me “remember when you said you’d like to be able to take your boat out on a weekday? You’ve made it”. I had forgotten all about it. About that time I saw some guys filling up their work truck looking at me like I was some lucky SOB. He had no idea I was just barely able to afford what I was doing. He had no idea it had been my first vacation ever without my parents. He had no idea I had jobs coming up I had no idea how I was going to complete or pay for material. My point here is you never know what’s actually going on with other people.
    When I was an airplane mechanic I use to work on nice planes. I use to see the hours and parts bills and think I’d never be able to afford one. Several years later I wound up with not only a 1941 WWII trainer but a hangar to to put it and all my other stuff in.
    I never saw my self as a married man. I’ve been with my wife for almost 25 years. I have two kids I couldn’t be more proud of. The only thing I was bummed out about was that I met my wife as soon as I did. However, she was a keeper. I don’t think any red-pill man is ever ready to settle down. The happiness I’ve had with my family far outweighs any temporary pleasure I would have gotten if I’d put 20 more notches in my belt.
    I just had this discussion with a kid that hangs out at an all male group of pilots I’m affiliated with. I was doing something at our clubhouse and I could hear his grumblings as he was at the bar talking to some of the more accomplished guys. They called me over. They’d been telling him the exact stuff they’d felt I’d tell him–not hearing the beginning of the story. They said “Joe Blow here is bummed that he doesn’t have any of the things he wants in life”. “You have a great flying job, a plane, a few toys and a family, what would you tell him”. He’s 22 years old, working as a laborer, he shows up at the meetings dirty and worn out. He came to a party and brought some girl with him that made it very clear she wasn’t fucking him and was willing to blow me in the bathroom. Without skipping a beat I told him that my life may look great but that it’s a struggle. I didn’t get the stuff I have overnight. It took 20 years to get where I’m at. I started pointing around the bar and pointing out the struggles the other members had gone through. He looked at me and said “that’s exactly what they said”. I told him the story isn’t a new one.
    Let me quote an old WWII fighter pilot I knew. He told me one day that life is all about getting through the bad times and enjoying the good. He said that in life you’ll get an equal dose of both. It wasn’t until I entered my late 30’s that I really understood what he was talking about.
    The way I see it, you have three choices: 1: Be the best at what you do and make a ton of cash and live you’re life. 2: Disconnect from the grid, live a minimalist lifestyle with nothing and no encumbrances. 3: Slog away in a mid level position and eek out a living. All three have their merits. My problem is I love airplanes, dirtbikes, fast cars and family. They all cost a lot of money. I absolutely love my job but flying jets isn’t for everyone. When I was a full time contractor, that was a good job. You’re still in the business but you’re doing more driving around and office work and you can pick and choose when you want to put the tools on and when you go have fun.
    Desire is what drives to do things we don’t want to in order to have the things we want. The trick is to wake up every day and thank God you’re in a country where you have the opportunity to excel. Look out the window and tell yourself “I’m the most lucky motherfucker I know” and “I’m not some fat, old alcoholic who’s clock is mostly run out”. You have time on your side, that’s half the battle.

    1. “He came to a party and brought some girl with him that made it very clear she wasn’t fucking him and was willing to blow me in the bathroom.”
      lol wishful thinking by the writer. After 25 years of marriage the male hamster goes as crazy as a woman’s.

      1. You’ve never been an airshow performer or warbird pilot around aviation groupies. I don’t know how a statement like “so, how do you feel about adultery? Ya know, it’s only sex” as she’s running he hand up and down my tricep can be taken at anything other than face value…
        Alpha pilots are just a superior breed. I forgive you for your inferior thinking though.

        1. “Alpha pilots are just a superior breed. I forgive you for your inferior thinking though.”
          Idk, sounds kind of hamster-ish. So this kid’s girlfriend said that to you in front of him? Or was that what u got from her “vibes”?

        2. I don’t think it really matters. Hamsterish as I read right off RVF is assumption and rationalization on the part of a guy or girl. It’s hamsterish to assume because a guy isn’t in his 20’s that he can’t attract women or has no SMV. I assume nothing. I’m not the one rationalizing or jumping to conclusions. I’m just offering some of my experience to try and help Billy out of his funk because like a lot of stuff you guys will experience, I’ve been there and done that. It’s funny that out of all that I wrote, a couple people focus on some slut hitting on a guy she didn’t come to a party with. After all that’s been written in this blog, Occams Razor would state that the most simple explanation is the right explanation. Believe what you wish. Do you have a problem with the rest of my post?

        3. No, the rest of it was ok. Just the part where you try to build yourself up by putting some random kid down by claiming shit about his girlfriend we can’t possibly ever know is true or not; that was lame. There was really no need for that, it kind of ruined the other stuff you said because it makes you seem like a guy that brags about himself on the internet and no one respects guys like that – so it spoils any good you were doing. Also, bragging about stealing women from lesser men? It’s one thing to do it, shit happens, but bragging about it online? No one wants to hear about how awesome you think you are. And of the “Alpha pilots” thing, well…. that was just plain faggy.

        4. No disrespect to your experience and what not, i’m sure you have a lot of wisdom, but nothing bothers me more than people jerking off to their own ego.

        5. Fair enough, I thought it was obvious I didn’t fuck the girl that came to the party with him and that it wasn’t his girlfriend but some slut that was looking for a free night out at his expense and wanted at least me to know it.
          The reason I brought it up was to set the stage of how pathetic this guys situation was and to give Billy some perspective.
          My initial response was to Fluffer before he switched his name on the reply. I think it’s faggy to to just dismiss out of hand something because you don’t think it’s normal. That’s the reason for the arrogant statement and I stand by it.

        6. One more thing, as far as wisdom. I wouldn’t call it wisdom. It’s just experience. I try not to comment on things I haven’t had personal experience with, only stuff I’ve either been lucky with or learned the hard way.

        7. The bulk of Aero’s comment (up top) is spot on. Another guy, here, in my 40’s in a similar situation. Everyone will have ups and downs and it will take work (and time) to get to different positions in life.
          Younger guys just need to know that with hard work comes rewards (whether it’s money, time, or just the rewards in life – feeling of accomplishment).
          Don’t rush things because you can’t get to 40 years old until you’re “supposed” to be there….get it?
          And then you’ll share your stories and experience with the younger guys…..

        8. Respectfully man, to me Aeronaut’s remark about the skag was just a minor inclusion. I have to say that he dished up some major wisdom

        9. Yes but the fact that the rest of it was so good was what made it stand out so much to me; it was just like “why is that included in this?”

    2. hey man great insight. 23 year old blue collar nomad/luckiest motherfucker alive here. I really enjoyed reading what you had to say, and cheers for 25 years of marriage to a good woman. fuck these other dudes lol, no doubt in my mind that chick wanted a piece. I work with a couple helicopter pilots and they’re all drowning in barely legal poon

    3. “we want. The trick is to wake up every day and thank God you’re in a country where you have the opportunity to excel”
      That USED to be true of the usa. Considering Billy is reporting from Canada I assume you are referring to Canada? This would make sense considering Canada ranks as nation no. 6 in the world for economic freedom, while the usa is no. 12 and dropping. Source: The Heritage Foundation.
      Excellent insight as well Aeronaut. Thanks for checking in.

  28. there is this one episode of The Frozen Planet (BBC documentary) where a wolf and a young bison fight it out to the death for hours and hours, and you get to see this epic game of life played out almost in entirety. it is agonizing and incredibly difficult to watch – it’s a very different death scene than the zebra getting eaten by the lions, or the eagle snatching a rabbit.
    if you get the series, they have a behind-the-scenes special for each episode, and you can see how deeply affected the cameramen were after they had caught this scene by chance, i believe they were all in tears.
    the strong survive and with every difficult test life throws at them, they get stronger. i believe that hard work and the will to live are rewarded ultimately.
    if anything, i would try to enjoy the time you have with your father. you are still young and have plenty of time to find a good woman later.

  29. It’s not beta to want a pretty, feminine woman who will be a good mother and helper in life. Needless to say though, soulmates, fairy tale endings, etc are BS. Game is a constant of life, even in lifelong relationships. Develop your game like your muscles until using it comes like second nature.

  30. I’m sorry to hear about your father Billy. I’m in my early thirties and I lost my father last year. He was 74. That’s a good long life but almost a year later it still feels like it was too soon. I pray that your father wins his fight with cancer and stays with you for many years to come.
    Part of what makes the red pill difficult for many men to swallow is that we are by nature hopeless romantics. In the comments below, Ternarydemon said something profoundly true: “…the red pill by itself will never give you happiness. It only gives you the truth.”

  31. Its hard to remain positive and hard working when you look to the guy working next to you and witness him do half as much as you do and still receive the same pay and benefits. I have to ask myself everyday why i work as hard as I do In game and in life, and the only conclusion i came to is this.
    Who do you want to be?
    No matter if I get paid a penny and the guy next to me gets paid 2000 bucks a day. I will not let myself turn into or become a lazy, sloth of a person. I have to much pride to let myself sink to that level.

  32. Good stuff chubbs and I’m sure every male can relate.
    Personally I am in my early thirties and I’ve been in a LTR with a girl 10 yrs younger than me for two years now. I’ve experienced those moments you were longing for watching that other couple and I can tell you it is just romanticism….much like you found out later.
    While my girl is great and I am quite confident in her fidelity as she is always the one worried about other women in my life. I still look back at when I was single and romanticize about that a little bit. I had no one to come home to and no one that cared..besides my family. For me this was motivating and gave me strength because in my head it was like me against the fucking world and kiss my ass and suck my dick…everyone(Kenny Powers style)! It was empowering because I was a straight up douche bag to almost every girl I approached and I fucking loved it. I felt like a ghenghis khan stampeding into foreign lands and dominating other men’s women. I worked as a bouncer and there were numerous times where I snatched girls from groups of chodes and took her to the dance floor to finger her and make out. Make outs with girls directly in front of their bf’s. I felt like I should be punched and honestly I probably would have respected the guy had he done so. But it never came because most males are sackless bitches.
    Anyway I look back and love the time that I was single. Maybe thats because I love having the me against everyone mentality and maybe just because deep down inside I’m pretty fucking angry. Regardless now that I have someone whom loves me more than anything and would do absolutely anything for me it just feels kind of…whatever I guess. I know that I could have the same thing with any other girl i should choose to(if she meets my requirements).
    I would say don’t feel too bad chubbs. The grass always seems greener on the other side. Only when you get there it’s just as shitty if not worse. I would recommend maybe looking for other more satisfying work that you enjoy doing or maybe moving somewhere else. You mentioned you were a nomad at heart. Also looking for outlets to channel any repressed emotional outlooks you may have. Lifting is great but I personally need more then that to deal with all my hatred and anger towards the world. I like to shoot guns and do mma….which helps ALOT. Nothing like training your body for years and seeing the fruits of your labor…being able to effortlessly beat up grown men as if they were a 100 pd female.
    I don’t want a rosy sunset with a sweet girl on my shoulder. I want to fucking dominate and destroy everyone and everything I hate in this world.

  33. Good article.
    I’m in a similar situation in regards to work and life.
    Mid 20’s, stuck in a mundane, depressing job, which pays OK but doesn’t lead anywhere. Saving like mad for a house and some kind of adult independent life but can’t afford one as they cost 10 X wages where I live (no joke). Looking to get a new career but it’s very difficult with limited qualifications and the drawbridge to STEM degrees being drawn up (the government have started charging 9k per year for a degree), and of course the job market is terrible at the moment; there are jobs but they are almost economically un-viable the wages are so low.
    Also have similar luck with the ladies. There’s been sluts, physco’s, liars, the lot but not one single marriageable girl. Not even slightly.
    I’m trying to make the most of the situation. Focusing on new skills, hobbies, fitness, going-out etc but I always find there is that massive gaping hole where a good woman should be. She would make it all worthwhile, but from my experience she does not exist.
    But at the end of the day I’d rather have a gaping hole than a physco, hellbitch, smartphone-absorbed monster consuming the energy out of me. So it could always be worse.
    Best of luck with everything

    1. I have to be honest, I very much dislike ROK. However, in the spirit of self-improvement, I would like to offer you a potential plan of action that might address some of the problems you seem to be facing.
      Have you thought to pursue a career in healthcare? Some associate degrees can earn in the 70k range and above (radiation therapy). Hospitals are competitive when it comes to education and they often offer loan forgiveness and finance higher degrees in exchange for contract commitments (job security and free tuition). Not to mention you’ll be surrounded by plenty of nurturing women. I’m not saying you’ll find your dream girl, and there’s plenty of older women in healthcare too, but you’d have a shot with some desirable women.
      Don’t accept defeat, adapt and succeed.
      Not STEM after all, but good luck to you in whatever you choose.

  34. Good article.
    I’m in a similar situation in regards to work and life.
    Mid 20’s, stuck in a mundane, depressing job, which pays OK but doesn’t lead anywhere. Saving like mad for a house and some kind of adult independent life but can’t afford one as they cost 10 X wages where I live (no joke). Looking to get a new career but it’s very difficult with limited qualifications and the drawbridge to STEM degrees being drawn up (the government have started charging 9k per year for a degree), and of course the job market is terrible at the moment; there are jobs but they are almost economically un-viable the wages are so low.
    Also have similar luck with the ladies. There’s been sluts, physco’s, liars, the lot but not one single marriageable girl. Not even slightly.
    I’m trying to make the most of the situation. Focusing on new skills, hobbies, fitness, going-out etc but I always find there is that massive gaping hole where a good woman should be. She would make it all worthwhile, but from my experience she does not exist.
    But at the end of the day I’d rather have a gaping hole than a physco, hellbitch, smartphone-absorbed monster consuming the energy out of me. So it could always be worse.
    Best of luck with everything

  35. This article really hit home with me. Though still in my early 20s, I actually have no desire to continue pumping and dumping the vapid whores today’s society has to offer. I really don’t think all men are cut out to be players — some of us can’t abandon the 50’s dream of a sweet and loving wife, a stable job, and an appreciative family. I am not in the position to leave the country, so that leaves me with Americunts. There are days when I wish I didn’t give a damn about sex so I could just be happy hanging out with a few buddies and could tell women to piss off. That’s literally all 99% of American women are good for nowadays — fucking. If all men suddenly lost their sex drive, these stupid bitches wouldn’t know what to do. They have no value outside the bedroom.
    I hope things get better for the both of us. Unfortunately, I’m not naive enough to think they will.

      1. No there are not. That is an illusion. It is a nice illusion, a happy dream, and a pleasant fantasy, and it is certainly an easy sell but women are the same everywhere and that illusion is the reason men willingly work and die for women. You may choose to embrace that illusion but it is just that – fantasy. It is no more real than the Harry Potter books. The serpent chose Eve for the reason that she cannot reason and is ruled by her emotions. To the extent that she is not restrained from evil she will embrace it wholly.

        1. Been married for 23 years, she’s a decent woman, old world traditional, nearly too right wing. Good mother, great wife. Illusion? Do I delude myself that something bad may happen? No, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t find happiness. It takes work, everything worthwhile takes work, there are no gimmees.

  36. Damn well-written, Canada.
    I hope your dad pulls through; he has a lot to be proud of.

  37. The illusion was shattered. The blue pill beta dream is not a new thing and men for generations sweated, grunted, and worked through immense pain to build western civilization because of it. They lifted bricks, hammered nails, welded, drove rivets, and hoisted girders, making, improving, building, all the while choking back the pain of the aching joints, pulled muscles, old bone fractures, and litany of cuts and scrapes. The illusion works and when it does men work.
    They really believe cupcake is different. They really believe she only ever could love (or did) love him. They really believe she wouldn’t immediately drop him for a better deal. The people in the past were wiser than we are today. The enacted massive restraints on female sexuality to allow this illusion to continue. Any woman who whored it up was shamed, ostracized, and if she did this while married, killed. As a result women didn’t whore it up and men believed it was not the lash they feared but love they felt but the truth is women do not love as we men need them too. They were forced into that role by wise men long ago so the men would work and build and believe. Now that illusion is gone and society is dying. Thank you womans “liberation”. We will now return to the violence and brutality of old.
    In a few decades or maybe centuries if the nukes start flying (or not at all if too many are used) wise men will once again impose limits on the female. And the men will believe. And society will rise again. And then the Dworkins will come like locusts, and they’ll scream and stamp their feet, and make ridiculous demands, and blame phantoms, and come up with new words for ‘patriarchy’ and ‘oppression’. And they’ll succeed. And the illusion will be shattered. And the cycle of sin will continue. May GOD help us and save us from ourselves.

  38. Good article man, I was you 5 years ago.
    Now after 5 years of being married I’m a shadow of my former self, I had built myself from scratch given my parents and I were first generation immigrants. I graduated from college with honors and got a pretty good job at a huge company were I was valued and supported by my management because they liked me and I was a very hard worker looking back at it.
    Enter the picture my wife , I felt pretty lonely after about a year of hard work, I knew my wife from Mexico as she is from the same area as myself and my parents are from. Looking back I was pretty naive , I didn’t vet her enough , I overlooked the fact she had been raised without a father figure , her mom and dad had split when she was baby and her mom left her to her grandmother who was also split with her grandfather.
    Silly me, I thought she was the family values woman which she actually was for the most part and did respect me when we were on our own, but whenever my family was present she would start these passive agressive games for whatever reason that just drove me nuts, I just kept on soldiering on hoping it would get better, I did some things I am not proud of when she would disrespect me at will in front of family. I was Alpha in our relationship, but simply could not always be Alpha around my parents who love me very much and I trust them very much, I didn’t feel I needed to honestly, I would relax around them, she would clue in on this and the trouble would start, knowing I would be deferential to keep the peace.
    Fast forward to the start of this year when she did again for like the 20th time and I just blew up, I demanded we split and I was done and wasn’t taking this shit anymore, no more talking , no more words, just split the fuck already. We’ll we didn’t as we have 1 child and had another one on the way, but lo and behold when she felt I was absolutely serious she stopped her games mostly cold , this is women you see they will push you right to edge and sometimes over the cliff if you let them.
    Be careful man, I am a shell of my former self mentally, thankfully I’ve found red pill and have/am getting counseling, I was just as confident as you with good morals and generally an all around good person. After 5 years of marriage I can’t really say the same the picture is much more muddled, I am unfit but the biggest hit has been mentally , marriage is just not worth in today’s environment.

  39. Billy,
    Sorry to hear about your dad.
    Even if that girl weren’t your ex-FB, and assuming that she were a great quality girl, she would not be able to understand and provide support for what you’re going through. It is a classic blue-pill mistake (but you know that) to believe women can support us in those situations.
    Instead, you need an older man, who’s been through what you are going through, to talk to. Women, regardless of quality, do not understand men’s struggles and cannot sympathise with or support us.
    In the past, there were various brotherhoods – men’s clubs – to support fellow men in those situations. Women were not invited.
    Why do you think women tried and succeeded in ruining those brotherhoods? Or once in a LTR, they do their best to stop their man from going out with their brothers? It’s to make the man dependent on them for emotional support, of which they provide none.
    You need to make better male friends. We all do.

  40. So great that you opened yourself to us at ROK.
    I mean even men get emotional and sometimes beta-ish…
    I hope your dad makes it and that you will be able to game more but not end up in a relationshit.

  41. 345 lbs squat. Big number, good job and strive for 400. Ultimately join the 300, 400, 500 club.

  42. This is lovely. ROK should post more stories like this. Normally, the memoirs are awful, but this one was engaging.

  43. Very, very sorry to hear about your fathers illness. Please take care and keep yourself strong (for yourself and family) Best of wishes to you and your father.

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