115 thoughts on “How To Get Laid By Playing In A Band”

1. It’s not the 20th century anymore. It is EXTREMELY difficult to earn a viable living and have a pertinent following as a new rock or jam band on the scene. It’s all in hip/hop, dance/pop, and R&B which very disproportionately steers one of two ways.
   1. Black
   2. Female (regardless of color)
   The new rock bands that do get some adequate exposure are done so by a narrative. Like “Dead Sara” for instance. Sure they are talented, but don’t think for a second that because both their vocalist AND lead guitarist are moderately attractive females, while their male bassist and drummer take a back-seat to their exposure, make them feminist and “empowerment” darlings for budding young Millennial female rockers.
   

2. Imember how much ass I use go get being in a hip hop group or doing shit solo muso.ic ….. It was literally easy ass. But I had to hang it up and feel it’s better having a challenge without using the hip hop thing as my crutch

   1. I thought when you’re in the hippity-hop you’re not supposed to stop!

3. Don’t play bass. No one likes the bassist.

   1. But he plays such good porn music!

   2. The bass player usually gets the most tail. Trust me, I know from experience.

      1. Gene Simmons it is you!

      2. Is that because they’re the least talented member of the group? Lolz
         Rhetorical question – less talent in necessary, so bands hire alpha/good looking bassists to bring in the girls. Also, top guys with a passing interest in music have less work to do to capitalize on womens’ musician fetish if they pick up the bass rather than guitar or songwriting duties.
         They’re not the lonely 120 pound loser (like Prince was as a kid) who has to master the craft to get female attention.
         It’s no coincidence that all the guys in AC/DC are all 5’5″ or shorter.

   3. As a bass player I 100% agree. These rules apply if you’re the “feature player” in the band i.e. guitar player, lead singer and maybe the drummer. Being the bass player is like being the left tackle on a football team. Everyone knows the quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers because they’re the glamor spots. No one notices or cares about the tackles unless they make a mistake. Quite often I’d be talking to someone on break and they wouldn’t even know I was in the band despite them dancing a few feet away from me 10 minutes earlier.
      Also from my own experience being short, skinny and bald doesn’t help the situation much. I simply get overlooked both literally and figuratively. One of my old bands had a running joke about the guitar player and singer always getting chicks and all I got was other bass players asking me what kind of strings I used.

      1. So what if you’re short, skinny and bald? Ask a few cute girls what you can wear to make yourself stand out. Then wear it. Whilst I don’t like pandering to female opinions (which are mostly feminist indoctrinated BS), in this case it makes sense as you’re asking how they can notice you better in that situation. If every guy experimented a little more with what he wears (finances allowing), such a simple change would see him get more attention. Wear a cool hat, for example. Just do it a few times, and then you can bitch at me later for how it didn’t work – except it will, so that’s not going to happen.

         1. I dress as well as I can, usually better than the average guy however the dress style is usually dictated by the band leader depending on the gig. Sometimes it’s just all black, sometimes a suit and tie and sometimes nice jeans. I do have a couple of hats I wear on occasion depending on my mood and the approval of the BL. Trust me I try to be as well-dressed as I can.
            I’m just going off my own experience of literally hundreds of gigs and 99% of the attention goes to the lead singers and guitar players. The rest of us might s well be part of the wallpaper.

         2. you already know women can be empty-headed retards prone to certain herding behaviours moreso than others. Why they like certain choices over others is whimsical where insanity becomes the new sanity.

      2. Well, it obviously helps to be good looking. There are always ideals, and if you’re in it for the veeg you’d want to be a tall, fit, good looking singer with lots of stage presence. Ideals are rarely possible, so just play to your strengths. Work on your confidence and stage presence.

         1. If you’re short, skinny, and bald (or unattractive and fat) and in it for the veeg you’re screwed unless you’re willing to put in the time and effort to master guitar or vocals.
            Sid Vicious isn’t Sid Vicious if he’s a 5 foot dork. Same thing for Nikki Sixx.

      3. If you’re short, skinny and bald for god’s sake play something other than bass.
         Being a bass player isn’t like being the left tackle, it’s like being a flygirl or a spokesmodel. You’re primarily there for visual window dressing.

   4. I am a bassist, but that’s canceled out by the fact that I’m also the singer.

   5. Depends – for typical rock music, the bassist fades into the background. But for genres where the bass is more up front (R&B, funk, etc.), the bass player is often the center of attention.

      1. I tend to draw attention to myself as I am the most animated of all the others in my band. That might be a bad thing; not displaying enough ‘cool’.

   6. An aside to this is that if you are an Actual Bassist who can Actually Play, then you can be in as many bands as you want. When I have sat in with other bands, my M.O. is to Show Up, Shut Up and Stay In the Pocket. It’s nice b/c you get to work on your chops, play with different people, and see how other bands run things, etc.

      1. Got any recordings online?

         1. Well, yes and no. 😉 I just got a hold of our old drummer (the former music student I mentioned), and we’re headed into the studio in March or so, so I expect to have something to put out at the quality level I want in April. Maybe it will happen, maybe not. Musicians can be flaky, so we’ll see.

4. Or you can do what I did – open a small wine bar! Chicks come to you and it’s much easier to chat them up. Plus, you get nice drinks, nice food, social life while making a decent living for yourself. It’s economical and it works like a charm.

   1. That’s a good niche. But would not work for every guy, depending on their tastes and aptitude. Having said that, your idea was innovative and will see more men choosing niches as the norm to meet women, as opposed to traditional club and street PUA.

      1. Why not? Most men go to bars to meet women and in bars you see attractive women that you rarely see outside. So instead of making someone else rich by paying for overpriced drinks just be that someone.

5. How much longer will this niche for getting laid last – isn’t it already past its sell-by date? I mean, male college tutors is a niche where I know people who get girls regularly, and I’m sure there are many other niches that are less-well exploited, involving you in a position of authority teaching a woman something. Niches (one exploited by fewer people) are the future of game – but if you are going to be in a band, you need to learn a specific skill set with a decreasing return on investment with regards to getting laid. Women are so like smartphones now, that she may get turned on by a band member at a gig and then because of the time in-between seeing him onstage and being able to go backstage, some other dude may end up capatilizing on her getting turned on. I’ve seen bands in the street not doing so well in terms of female attraction (unless we’re talking about tweens), because females are more hypergamous these days. They want attention than needing to get laid with the band guy. They actually look unimpressed with the cute guys playing their heart out in the bands, and they are just looking to be entertained, nothing more.
   Some cute women date mediocre men as they know the men have no other options, and so won’t leave/cheat, plus they can parasitise off the man readily as he’s a mangina. For the rest of the westernised cute girls: if you as the man can learn to be a human smartphone, with an endless source of inane distractions, she’s yours! (or leave the westernised areas).

   1. Musicians and artists have always been a niche where women gravitated, assuming that the artist in question was edgy and defying some kind of norms in some manner. There is nothing new under the sun, and as sure as that sun rises, women will always go for the loner bad-boy artist type, whether in today’s fucked up Feminine Imperative world of in some hardcore traditional future Patriarchy.

      1. Perhaps so, but I have seen edgy guys in many other industries now doing well, whereas the musician is not doing as well as he used to as the other men are taking girls away from him. Plus the ‘edgy’ guys I knew who got laid the most were good-looking, Russell-Brand lookalikes without much original thought going on in their heads. They merely looked the part of a loner-badboy artist without actually being one, and whilst women can be fools, they are not as easily as taken in these days in such large numbers due to hypergamy or some such. It’s just my observation.
         These days in the UK, I don’t think cute women have a ‘type’ apart from settling with a short and compliant mangina whom they can keep around and parasite off – this seems consistent. I’d have to argue there’s no particular strategy that works nowadays for the younger generation and that social circles have risen in importance as in the past, although sugar daddy or man-in-authority game can work for older men. Niche game is the fourth type of game, and if a man cannot exploit any of these, he is forced to the club/bar circuit or the street, where the return on investment is decreasing these days for most men.
         Personally, instead of worrying about getting laid, I wish more people would notice how fucked up the west is becoming, instead of walking about in a fucking daydream that will soon become a nightmare.

         1. Interesting comment, I need to read it a couple of times and ponder it.

   2. As I noted above, I’ve played in bands for 30 years. I play music because for me, the hours I spend playing music each week are Pure Joy.
      That said, the time it takes to become proficient is beyond the dedication of guys who are just in it to get laid.
      Mistral

6. Hierarchy for poon acquisition in the band:
   1 – Lead Singer
   2 – Guitarist
   3 – Drummer
   4 – Bassist
   5 – Keyboardist (if you even bother to have one)
   Your highest appeal within the rock genre will probably fall into the post-grunge/screamo/pop-punk. So you’re talking about bands like Bullet for my Valentine, 30 Seconds to Mars, and My Chemical Romance.

   1. Depends. The bassist can hop over the drummer, often times, b/c drummers tend to come off as autistic.
      Every drummer? Of course not. But I’ve been playing in bands for 30 years, and more often than not it’s the drummer who is going to be the ‘weird guy’. Of course it’s music, so nearly everyone is a bit off….
      Mistral

      1. been playing for 25 years myself and I’m a heavy metal drummer, its got me laid more than once. Not sure about the line up though, I would think the bass player would be in front of the drummer. Lol, I’m just the big scary looking dude in the back, got the most important job in the band with the least amount of respect.

      2. Hey watch it ! ..I’m a drummer . (LOL) I will agree we are a quirky bunch

   2. Unless you’re in a famous band, this pecking order bullshit is a myth, IMO. In a small time rock band most chicks can’t tell the difference between a guitar and a bass anyway. It has FAR more to do with stage presence. Laugh all you want, but we all know this drummer will be getting laid before the guitarist/singer does. Chicks see him move like a cave man and imagine him going cave man on her veeg.
      

      1. “Unless you’re in a famous band, this pecking order bullshit is a myth”
         People tend to listen with their eyes. As was said above most bands work off a hierarchy of feature and background players The people that get the most attention are the ones up front. Singers, guitar players i.e. the “feature” people. The “background” people i.e bass players, percussion, secondary utility people are not up front so they don’t get noticed as much.
         Also the feature people are usually the band leaders and/or the ones calling the shots so it’s their call. I have been specifically told on several occasions that I’m “just the bass player” and to not get in the way of the “important people” and just blend into the background and “know my role.” Now yes this isn’t always the case and there are exceptions to every rule. I have been in bands where I was up front, did more vocals and was featured more and I did get more attention. But you also have to take into account that it is a job (at least to me) and you have to cater to the wishes of the person(s) that sign your check.

         1. If a guy told me I was “just the [fill in the blank],” I’d tell him to fuck off. You were basically told that they want all the attention, so “just make me sound good.” Well, that’s your choice, but again, you put yourself in that pecking order, you weren’t placed there solely because of the instrument you play.

         2. I can certainly tell him to “fuck off” and I have that right. However he will hire someone else and I’ll risk getting blacklisted by others that I would want to be hired by. Not worth the risk.
            As an experiment the next time your boss tells you to do something you don’t approve of tell him to fuck off. I’ll wait.

         3. It’s your choice to remain in a group where you’re “just the bassist.” To each their own. Music is not my primary source of income. Given that most people here won’t be dependent on their frontman to feed themselves, I’d say your situation is anecdotal. It’s analogous to if I said “men are taller than women,” and then a woman steps forward and says she’s 6’4″.

         4. Different experiences for a pro vs. a hobbyist. I have some gigs I love playing. Some not so much. One of my gigs is in a tribute band for an artist I’m not a huge fan of. However the music is fairly simple and the band is decent so it’s well worth it to me for the $300 I make for an hour and a half’s work. It’s also allowed me to network with other players and band leaders I didn’t know previously.

         5. Eh. This article is about getting laid. It’s not an article about making a living. I still maintain my point that getting laid has to do with stage presence and not what instrument you play.

      2. why are they dressed like doo wop singers?
         Check that wide stance at 2:20!!
         

      3. My brother was a drummer. Definite beta, but he did get hot girls 10 years his junior.
         He told me, though, not to be a drummer, ‘cuz you’d be packing up your kit while the lead guitarists and singer were already taking the girls out at closing time.
         The advice to be middle of the program does apply, of course.

7. I am a musician (front man) who earns my living playing music. I agree that I get WAY more opportunities for getting laid than I would if I was just another face in the crowd. Musicians get more attention for a few reasons: 1. They are the center of attention. 2. They are “doing their own thing”. 3. They are demonstrating confidence. 4. They are creating a self-perpetuating cycle where a woman becomes attracted to someone because they believe that others are. This last point is what increases a musicians chances exponentially.
   Musicians, however are generally weak and egocentric. They are usually physically diminutive. It is this that has cast them out and driven them towards a discipline that requires solitude and inwardness. Eventually they become useful as artists, but they never escape the feelings of social rejection. It is for this reason (and the fact that there is not a lot of money going around) that many girls past a certain age vow to “never date musicians”.
   I am not sure that you should try to be something you’re not just for the sake of getting laid. If you are a big jock type singing sensitive music you will likely come off as ridiculous. Play the game that is best suited to who you are.

   1. …many girls past a certain age vow to “never date musicians”.
      Fair comment. Of course, I don’t date girls past a certain age, either.
      I am not sure that you should try to be something you’re not just for the sake of getting laid.
      Agree 100%. Guys who do it for pussy never last long enough to be good.
      Mistral

      1. Maybe, some men are more status driven then skill mastery driven. Obviously some interest in music is a prerequisite but a lackluster lead singer with a good stage presence, if he chooses a talented crew, he would have fame, pussy and validation to last a llife time until he overdoses or has a heart attack.

      2. What is this certain age of women who “never date musicians”

         1. It’s… not under 35, actually.

      3. I was going to say the same..so you don’t have to date hags? Boohoo.

   2. I think this article also fails to point out the politics that can go on within a band. You gotta find the right group of people to work with first and foremost.
      For example if the bass-player wants more frontman attention than would make sense, or if there is a crippling battle for leadership, or if a member blows an opportunity for the group to satisfy his own ego. Don’t waste time with a group that doesn’t mix properly.

      1. Yeah, there are the usual power struggles that you find in any group, a group of monkeys even. I find – and this is confirmed in band biographies – that there is usually only one person (sometimes 2) driving the thing forward. He is the one with the vision, drive, etc. The rest are just players, sidemen.

         1. Both men and women have intergroup power struggles, Whether due to the hunt, warfare, or excessive female cateness. Unlike women men can usually band together for a common goal. A good modern example would be the US military.

         2. Yeah, in my band I’m the only one willing to drive us to stardom. The other guys don’t know shit about the music industry, I however, while learning, am an eighteen year old that wants us to succeed. And I know for a fact, that treating your band like a business these days are the only way your gonna make a substantial living off of. To my somewhat bemusement, the other guys don’t really care about responsibility in that regard like promotion, booking gigs and all that jazz. Thank god I do! I’m not sounding egotistical, but damn it’s hard motivating a band of people, but they’re not assholes, thank fuck, and were all good friends.
            One thankfully knows how to produce music, and engineer, he’s a brilliant guitarist, the other guys are all solid people, I myself ain’t proficient with most instruments, I just know my hand in a few songs on both Bass and Guitar, while being a decent drummer too! But the main thesis is that I’m just pointing out that all in all, everyone thinks differently, therefore some have other ambitions and don’t want to put all the effort into making the brand name of your band a marketable business!

      2. Excellent point, Clark. And often, external pressures can wreck things. There’s a guy who used to be in my band who I’d love to still have, but he got married and his wife turned out to be a “stealth cunt”–she had been totally cool all the way along when when she was his g/f and later fiancee, but once that ring went on her finger, suddenly she snapped her fingers and said “no more band.”
         Moral: Women destroy your dreams.
         There are four types of bassist, incidentally:
         1. The guy who just holds the bass, but can’t play it.
         2. The guy who (not so) secretly wants to be the lead guitarist.
         3. The guy who is just weird.
         4. The guy who can actually play.
         I don’t know if I’m #3, and it’s tolerable, or #4. 😉
         Often the bassist is the band’s Diplomat. This is true for the Guy Who Just Wants To Be In The Band (and therefore wants to keep it going, at nearly all costs) and also b/c he’s going to have work closely with both the string guys and the drummer, so likely has the easiest relationships with everyone else. Also the lead singer generally won’t perceive him as a threat to take away attention b/c, hey, he’s not the lead guitarist. 😉
         Mistral

         1. There is nothing worse than a bass player with a dream.

         2. The only kind of bassist that I can’t handle is #2 even though I think frontman-bass players can be great (e.g., Les Claypool, Sting, McCartney, etc.).
            Even #3 can work really well… think the bassists from GreenDay or Nirvana… Neither contributed to the evolution of bass playing… They’re both goofballs… But why replace them? They’re perfect where they are.

         3. You would be right sir. Since I am considered to be a #4, I have not had any problems with any lead vocalist. In the metal bands that I played in though, it seemed as if everyone was in competition with each other. I can be “weird” also, playing in other genre’s (Rock, RnB, Pop, etc) I got no attention, lol. I just played.

   3. I can confirm that being in a band makes you more attractive to women. A lot more attractive. There’s something very sexual about playing rock, moving your body to the music. Being the guys that everyone in the bar/club is looking up to, and having the confidence to do it. Women see you as the defacto leaders of the room. Alpha.
      Look at this video of these women. The guitarist is the best looking (to me at least), but there’s something sexual about the way they move. I imagine this is how women see band guys. Talent also earns you immediate respect and attraction from women because you’ve demonstrated you have genes worth preserving.
      

      1. I saw them on a cruise once. Exactly where cover bands belong.

   4. Best example for this is Bright Eyes/ Connor Oberst.. He’s small, ugly, has the voice of a twelve year old, is totally awkward and still gets laid tons. Or Pete Doherty. It’s incredible how he even managed to steal the attention from his fairly good looking band mate (Carl Barat). The weirder you are as a male musician the more successful you get. It’s like the social norms have been reversed.

   5. Best example for this is Bright Eyes/ Connor Oberst.. He’s small, ugly, has the voice of a twelve year old, is completely awkward and still gets laid tons. Or Pete Doherty. It’s incredible how he even managed to steal the attention from his fairly good looking band mate (Carl Barat). The weirder you are as a male musician the more successful you get. It’s like the social norms have been reversed.

   6. What is this certain age of women who “never date musicians”?

8. I have played in bands since I was a teenager, because I love playing music. Guys who go into music for the pussy wind up selling their guitars a year later after they played it for a week, max, and found out how much dedication it takes to become “good”.
   I front my current band (thus canceling out the ‘kid in right field’ effect of being a bassist*). I was singing maybe three songs in each set when our lead singer’s case of Lead Singer’s Disease (i.e. being an arrogant tool) became fatal, at which point, he got tossed and my band mates basically told me I was going to be the singer.
   That said, another piece of advice for guys is this: if you aren’t the lead singer, try to carve out a song or two in each set. It gives the band some variety (lots of big acts had multiple singers: The Beatles, the Beach Boys, etc.). If your lead singer isn’t a dick (it can happen), then he’s not going to mind…it will give him a chance to either show his chops on an instrument or wander over to the bar and chat up some girls. If you play in an original band (or a band that mixes in covers and orginals) the best way to do that is to write a few songs. Don’t worry, your first one will never be finished, so just keep going.
   I’m an extrovert in a band with three introverts.** One guy does a couple of covers and the other two (both young guys) didn’t want to sing until I pointed out that “But girls will see you if you do”, and suddenly, they each wanted a song. 😉 That gives me a few songs off and lets me do what I want to do, which is play–one of the best drummers I ever played with was a music student and it was Big Fun for us to play off each other during a song, double up on runs, etc. I used to say playing in my band (when I wasn’t the primary singer) was like having the best seat in the house to our shows.
   The bottom line is, if you’re just in it for pussy, don’t buy a guitar. Save your $ and invest it in something else. That said, if you are a musician who is in it for the right reasons, it’s going to bring you joy for your whole life (which is going to up your SMV) and give you a natural ‘in’ with women when you’re playing out.
   Happy slaying!
   À bientôt,
   Mistral
   *My hands were made for crushing skulls. I sometimes play a 6-string (I use one to write music on), and I play an ‘A’ major chord with two fingers instead of three.
   **Musicians tend to be introverts b/c they’re the guys who will disappear in to their rooms over a weekend and learn their favorite artist’s new album, note for note, and not give a shit about other things, like having friends. 😉

   1. wow, you’re so cool.

      1. zing! who says women arent intermittently funny…

         1. Meh. I post on RoK to encourage, educate and share camaraderie with young men who might benefit. If some girl wants to attempt a drive-by on me, b/c She Has a Vagina, But Nobody Here Is Noticing Her basis, that’s hardly my problem….

      2. Weak trolling attempt. Bored because your Tinder matches aren’t messaging you back?

         1. She’s secretly wet but wants to come off bitchy because this is a misogynistic site and we’re all assholes who live in our mother’s basement and darnit! why are her panties on the floor of some dude’s apartment again???

   2. Good points here. I play because it’s in my blood I genuinely enjoy it and it’s not as easy as one might think to play at a “pro” level. It looks like a lot of fun and it is but there’s a lot of hard work, long hours and dedication. Add the constant grumblings from friends and family about when are you getting a “real” job, difference of opinion with bandmates, getting home at 3 am after a gig etc.
      The tradeoffs are I have a lot more free time than the typical worker bee’s. I don’t have to be in the cubicle at 8 am. I don’t have to meet sales quotas. I have traveled all over the US and Canada. I’ve been on cruises. It’s mostly good, sometimes not so much. It’s worth it to me in the end.

   3. I’ve been a drummer since I was 16 and its a great way to get girls if youre just starting out. There arent very many quality girls at shows though, just alot of needy, low self esteem 6s and 7s trying to fit into a scene. You have to become kind of a big deal to have quality women flocking to you just for being in a band, if you dont live in a big city. I played a few shows in Chicago and there was talent in the audience.
      Also, there are few alpha males around. Alot of young beta kids that spent their time in their rooms playing their guitars. Its a great way to meet people and network but if you think youre gonna start off sniffin lines off tits, youre mistaken.

      1. Hey man, I’m a drummer since I was 18 and my conclusion is:
         – if you’re just for the girls: lead vocals or guitar
         – if you’re a drummer but also are in for the girls 🙂 then play metal in private and focus on pop gigs.
         I’m partly kidding of course. I love metal. But I have a few friends who play in pop gigs and the response is amazing.
         I have one friend who plays crappy beats at Ocean Club and… oh boy… just google the types of party those are.

   4. Good points. I will second the point in the original article that it doesn’t really matter how good you are. I played bass in a band with a pretty terrible singer, so bad that it made me cringe at times, but hey, it was fun anyway. I was shocked to look out in the crowd and see dumb drunk girls dancing their ass off and having a blast. If the music is loud and halfway decent, most women can’t tell the difference between a great band and a terrible one. Guys, however, would come up and say “hey, can you get that guy some singing lessons”?
      I don’t really care for smokey drunken bar chicks, and unfortunately am quite picky when it comes for women, but they are certainly drawn to band members.

      1. No doubt, but I’m coming at it from the perspective of a guy who plays b/c he enjoys playing. There is certainly some low hanging fruit, but as a musicians skill level goes up, there will generally be a higher grade of totty available, also.

   5. Do you tell the audience “A bientot” at the end of each performance?

      1. If I’m in France or Quebec, yes.

         1. Well then, A bientot. 🙂
            Say hello to the Montreal girls for me next time you’re there.

   6. Nice. I’ve been playing guitar in different bands for a bit. I can attest to the statement regarding female singers.
      But playing guitar is therapeutic. I love strats to death and when I learn a Hendrix song or lick, I’m stoked. I wish they could bottle that feeling, I’d drink it all day.

   7. I bought my 1st classic guitar last month. Is there a way to learn your self ?

      1. Well, there are other guys here who are actual guitarists (Cervantes111, Phantom and (I think) Vagabond, and likely others), who I will let advise you specifically, but my thought would be to find a local instrument store and hook up with a teacher that you gel with there, and take a few lessons. As many as you can stand. It will help with both technique and theory.
         Then practice. Every day. At first, it’s going to hurt your fingertips as you build up callouses, but play every day for an hour or so. Build up muscle memory and practice fundamentals.
         Once you have some facility, turn on the radio and play along with whatever comes on. You’re going to have an easier time if you start with an “oldies” or “classic rock” station. I remember where I was the first time as song came on the radio in my car and I realized that I knew how to play it, note for note, just from listening to it, and never having practiced it.
         After a while, it will just flow. I sometimes just pick up a six string (I use one for writing), let my fingers move on their own and see what the guitar has to say to me that day.
         Oh, and most importantly, once you’re ready, play with other people. From Dave Grohl’s rant about American Idol, etc.: Musicians should go to a yard sale and buy and old fucking drum set and get in their garage and just suck. And get their friends to come in and they’ll suck, too. And then they’ll fucking start playing and they’ll have the best time they’ve ever had in their lives and then all of a sudden they’ll become Nirvana. Because that’s exactly what happened with Nirvana. Just a bunch of guys that had some shitty old instruments and they got together and started playing some noisy-ass shit, and they became the biggest band in the world.
         I bolded a piece that I didn’t want to get lost in the bit about suddenly becoming Nirvana. For me, playing music is Pure Joy. If it isn’t for other musicians, then they’re doing something wrong….
         Mistral

      2. What Mistral said, but get some ear training software as well (once you start taking lessons and learning some theory).

         1. Excellent point. I’m a bit of a “natural” when it comes to pitch, i.e. play two notes and I will tell you whether the 2nd is a 4th, 5th, 7th, etc.

      3. Go to ultimate-guitar.com. That’s how I taught myself.

         1. Thank you, man !

      4. fachords.com, great website to get started.

   8. If you’re singing don’t forget to practice volume. There are specific muscles in the larynx for this. Often the main difference between a back up singer and the lead singer is the volume/force at which you sing (ex. Eddie Van Halen vs. David Lee Roth, or Noel Gallagher vs. Liam Gallagher, Jerry Cantrell vs. Layne Staley in Alice of Chains). Loud singing isn’t just about resonance and projection, it’s also specifically about volume control.

      1. Thanks. I always appreciate tips from singers. I’m always playing my bass also, so what I’ve wound up telling myself is, “If you’re not singing, you’re filing your lungs with air”, so I don’t run out of, well, volume.

   9. Thanks for the tips, gonna try that two fingers thing and I’m in it for the right reasons. My own!

      1. LOL. The 2-finger Amaj chord isn’t really a “tip”, so much a result of me having large hands.
         Go forth and SLAY!
         Mistral

         1. Same here and slay I shall he he.

9. Hell, even just the impression of being in one is enough for an opening.
   I’ve had exceedingly long hair most of my life(basically since before I could walk), and that coupled with the way I dress(not intentionally for that purpose, it’s just how I prefer my cloths, and have since I was a kid) has gotten me approached by more chicks than I can recall asking if I’m “in a band” and/or that I “look like Lenny Kravitz or Jimi Hendrix” Because apparently all biracial/ethnic dudes who seem musically inclined look alike, haha.
   Yes, they approach me. Even more so the longer my hair is(wanting to touch it, and all that crap).
   Obviously most guys can’t successfully carry off an ‘eccentric’ aesthetic/impression stereotypically associated with musicians at this point, but in my experience, that’s obviously what’s so appealing to many women about it.

10. Played in a metal band… To be specific, a Metal band that combined Progressive and Technical Death Metal… Sub-genre’s that require a lot of time to practice and you’re on the gig “showing off” in the eyes of other people. So yep, definitely dried up some vaginas on those gigs with nothing but dudes, lol… What a world…

    1. Metal at that level is more like a craft then an art

    2. Prog anything is purely stag

11. Black Metal is popular with hipster girls right now. Because of that stupid Until The Light Takes Us movie.
    Genres women never like:
    1. Tough guy hardcore
    2. Oi!
    3. Underground/outlaw country
    4. Technical metal
    5. Death metal
    6…most metal
    Genres chicks like:
    1. Street punk (if you want to bang 17 year olds)
    2. Punk n Roll
    3. Rockabilly/Psychobilly
    4.Deathrock/post-punk

    1. 5. Celtic Punk — Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys. Few others. High energy vocals, plus you’re literate.

    2. Be a EDM DJ. you don’t even need to learn an instrument. young girls also listen to emo bands like my chemical romance
       avoid anything with the words progressive or technical
       Only certain types of black metal are popular for hipsters, specifically the kind that is underproduced and emotarded, those bishes don’t actually want to listen to black metal
       – they want the appearance of listening to black metal so they can date thugged out men in spikes and chains.

12. I’ve played drums in multiple cover/original bands. What playing in a band does is put your personality on display. If you’ve got a good personality and other members aren’t jealous fags, and you can play with real skill (i.e., you could play any style because you studied theory and know the basics very well), then eventually pussy will come.
    The worst mistake a musician can make is to get in a band primarily for pussy. Just like any other endeavor, mastery, then fruits of your labor. And the politics.. every single group I was in split due to relationship problems, either between band members, women surrounding the band, or both.

    1. Yeah nothing gets you laid like knowing music theory, complex time signatures evaporate panties. No. Leather jackets evaporate panties. Who’s gotten more ass, Steve Albini or Mike Ness?

       1. Yea, it’s more impressive having to concentrate through simple passages, and royally sucking but looking cool. There’s a performance standard, the easier you can make it look, the wetter the pussies get… but shit what do I know after a few decades doin it.
          I think people that make music primarily for pussy are… pussies.

          1. “Sucking” is a value statement, technicially complex music isnt necessarily better…in a rock context I think it rarely is. Jazz is for nerds.
             Case in point: Social D is better then any of Albinis self indulgent nonsense.

          2. Social D is one of the last of their breed.

13. If one is in it for the tang, twiddling with a sound board and software will probably get you the quickest results.

14. You know what band I really respect for all the wrong reasons?
    Poison.
    Yes, that three-chord, cheezy, girl-targeting hair band. You know why?
    First, “Every Rose Has its Thorn.” Any band that can turn that out gets a first bump. Plus, it made a Bill-and-Ted movie.
    Second, their Behind-The Music where every single member of the band stated that the foremost reason they got into music was to get laid. No ifs, ands, buts, or apologies. Not for the music, the artistry, or changing the world, making a difference, or getting rich and famous, or “expressing themselves.” Nope. To get laid.
    Which they did. In droves far beyond what they probably deserved.
    They picked a goal and hit it out of the park. Much respect.

    1. best comment of the week lol

       1. another band that started in the same era, listen to lyrics, the women actually laugh! Axl would be burned at the stake today
          

15. “being able to drop casually into conversation that you’re a musician”
    “You can ask women which band they’re there to see, what they thought of your set”
    No quicker way to look like a loser than to talk/brag about being in a relatively unknown band. People pick up on this.

16. Might as well title the article “How to Make Crappy Music by Prioritizing Pussy above Artistry”
    “but it’s the physical act of getting up on stage and laying your ass on
    the line in front of a crowd that gets panties wet, not the actual
    quality of the music.”
    Lolz.

17. Agreed. And yeah, you don’t see a lot of female metal heads. The ones I know are pretty cool and don’t like hearing all the SJW crap.

18. If you’re a super-good looking guy there’s no need to even be good. Just pick up a bass and act like you’re playing it. Lolz

19. The best advice for someone wanting to pick up an instrument to get laid is to be honest with themselves. There is nothing wrong with that. Pick up a guitar, learn how to play six chords effectively, and learn a few strumming patterns. Then go on youtube, I recommend Marty Schwartz in this case, learn how to play a few songs on guitar. I recommend anything Eric Clapton performed acoustically, anything by Jason Mraz, and a few others. This isn’t playing guitar, as an understanding of the theory behind it is necessary to break out and do more than play a song. This is just playing to close the deal, because the guitar is in your bedroom strategically close to your bed.
    Playing in a band requires a lot of hard hours just to get good by yourself on an instrument and then some more hard hours getting to where you can play with the other musicians. Somewhere in this there has to be what can be weeks and months of studying music theory if for no other reason than to understand how to put it all together.

20. I remember once reading an obscure article on this woman’s experience of going backstage with the Grateful Dead. While there she said Jerry Garcia had the eyes for her and kept trying to isolate her but – according to this woman’s story- she wouldn’t go for it. At one point -according to her claim – she said to him ” I know what you want” and he responded something to the effect ” you’re damn straight” If the story is true- it goes to show no matter how famous a musician you are -rejection is still a possibility

21. Ah well well. I’ve been a musician practically all my life, since my parents sent me to piano lessons at 8 years old, then fell in love with rock and metal in my teens. I’ve been playing guitar in bands for the last 20 years, as well as composer and producer of my material. There’s no way that just ‘getting pussy’ as a motivation would keep someone going at it for very long. All the years of study, practice, investing in gear, overcoming setbacks and frustrations, then every now and then feeling a breakthrough in your ability, only to realize that the more you think you know, the more there is to know and you really don’t know jack shit. And on it goes. An endless process of self discovery.
    Every man should have at least one craft which he performs for its own sake. Because of how it helps you grow. Because of what it teaches you about yourself. Because it’s your oasis from the madness and nonsense that surrounds you. Because it’s something that no one can ever take away from you. Because deep down, you know that you were born to do that. It’s self medication for the soul. Who gives a shit about pussy in that case. It’s too sacred a craft for you for mere pussy to be a main motivator. Especially if that craft is your haven from the madness, when a lot of the madness in our lives is caused by pussy. Think about it.
    Having said that, I won’t turn down any extra pussy that comes from being a musician..haha. While texting the latest fuck buddy in my rotation, before our first meeting, she asked me “How was your weekend?” “Good. Played a gig with my band. We had a blast.” “Ohhh you did?? So there really is a band..”. Me: “Of course .. lol .. didn’t I tell you?”. I guess she had the suspicion I just made up being a musician to impress her .. ha!. Will be spanking and dominating her ass again tonight. So yeah, while being a purist as far as my art is concerned, I’ll still take the extra perks. 😉

22. Wow! Yall are trying to pull some lame ass chicks. LOLOLOLOL Does that even work? I’m gonna have to try it and see.

23. Great article. I learned this lesson when I was 15 years old playing guitar in my parents garage with my band. A couple cute girls my age were walking by, then they just walked up my driveway talked to us for a bit and then asked for my autograph ” in case I became famous one day”. Me and one of the girls ended up dating for a few months too.

24. Most of this is very true but can come with a few caveats I have found. I fronted a band from the mid 80s until the mid 90s in both NY and the west coast and we reached our zenith during the “Grunge years”. As mentioned before from my experience, unless you are a bonafide rock star, women will not often approach you (although it does sometimes happen.) What I noticed is that many women will automatically shit test you/ give you a hard time BECAUSE you are in a band. The assumption on their part being that you bang a different chick every night and they are not going to be another notch on your bedpost. This attitude magnifies depending on how popular of a local band you are. Usually this just mean you have to up your game.

25. I can concur with this article. I personally played guitar and sang in a number of local punk bands, and this is (or at least was) a great genre to get into. You can be one of the best sounding local punk bands with a minimum of talent, and it gives you a niche genre to hone in on (as opposed to just being a cover band). Play your own original three chord Ramones rip offs and you are golden. I scored three different long term scenster girlfriends by just being in punk bands from 18-late 20’s. Throw some decent fashion in there and you instantly have validity.
    As far as the lead singer thing: not sure if it matters on a local band level. I was in a band where I played guitar, sang, and wrote all of our original music; I would get very distressed to find the drummer and the bassist were scoring more women than I was. Fronting a band is a lot of emotional effort that may not have a pay off. Best bet: jump on bass, have a cool look, and move around a lot. Less work, just as much play.
    As noted: make sure all of your social media accounts feature pics of you playing live.

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