And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had for her.
– Genesis 1:6-14
I hate the term “oneitis.” Unrequited love needn’t be so dreadful to think about. After all, “oneitis” is only bad if you have it. But it’s good if her love is unrequited for you. So how can you as a man get babes to fall head over heels for you? You need to understand how the process of love works. You need to read Love and Limerence.
Published in 1979, Love and Limerence is one of the first American books to create a methodological study on the experience of being in love, and, to top it off, it was written by a feminist! Her name is Dorothy Tennov, and I suppose she represents one of those old-school breeds of feminists who weren’t interested in emasculating men but instead gender parity. I don’t think these kinds of feminists even exist anymore, so Love and Limerence is both interesting for its psychological breakdown of love and historical relevance of a time when feminism was not pure evil.
The word “limerence” is defined as the process that describes romantic love. According to Tennov, romantic love follows a common psychological process:
- Intrusive thinking about the object of your passionate desire (the limerent object or “LO”), who is a possible sexual partner.
- Acute longing for reciprocation.
- Dependency of mood on LO’s actions, or more accurately, your interpretation of LO’s actions with respect to the probability of reciprocation.
- Inability to react limerently to more than one person at a time (exceptions occur only when limerence is at low ebb — early on or in the last fading).
- Some fleeting and transient relief from unrequited limerent passion through vivid imagination of action by LO that means reciprocation.
- Fear of rejection and sometimes incapacitating but always unsettling shyness in LO’s presence, especially in the beginning and whenever uncertainty strikes.
- Intensification through adversity (at least, up to a point).
- Acute sensitivity to any act or thought or condition that can be interpreted favorably, and an extraordinary ability to devise or invent “reasonable” explanations for why the neutrality that the disinterested observer might see is in fact a sign of hidden passion in the LO.
- An aching of the “heart” (a region in the center front of th e chest) when uncertainty is strong.
- Buoyancy (a feeling of walking on air) when reciprocation seems evident.
- A general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background.
- A remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in the LO and to avoid dwelling on the negative, even to respond with a compassion for the negative and render it, emotionally if not perceptually, in another positive attribute.
Does any of the above sound familiar to you, dear reader? The aching in the chest? The longing for a romantic partner who may or may not know about you? The sexual fantasies involving you saving her from some ill-happenstance which only reunites her in your arms (or you in his arms)? The ability to ignore all warning signs that a sexual partner is toxic and will destroy you? This is just limerence, the involuntary process that evolved to make sure the opposite sexes pair bonded enough to produce children and rear families. As if you thought you had free will. Nature has bigger plans for you. Your will means nothing.
The story of Romeo and Juliet is the iconic story of limerence; the conflict between the two families that serve as the catalyst to intensify the limerence until both lovers are ready to die for their love. Had the two families just let Romeo and Juliet bang, then their relationship would have merely run its course until 10 years later Romeo would think to himself, “What the hell was I thinking?”
Unrequited Love
There is perhaps nothing sadder than to watch a player hang up his game and retire into a life of matrimony. His single friends can only ask, “What the hell is he thinking?” But now you know — he’s been captured by the limerent process and nature now owns him. Short of murdering his object of affection, there is nothing you can do to save the person wrapped up in limerence. It is the unstoppable process that has grown humanity billions strong.
Thus, if you, the socially savvy man who desires to reverse-engineer nature’s machinations for his own ends, want to profit from the knowledge of limerence, I have two recommendations for you. First, read the book in its entirety so you understand the concept of limerence properly. It’s an easy read and the parts about how Freudian psychotherapists would seduce their female patients by making them feel vulnerable is hilarious.
Second, recognize the signs of limerence in girls that you bang, so that you’ll be able to guide them along in their limerence process until they are hopelessly in love with you. Give girls the fear and uncertainty they need and crave, mixed in with signs of affection and desire, while doing your best to keep a level head about the girl you are dating, so you’ll come out on top of the love game.
Just remember though – every girl you approach has the potential to take over your mind. You can do your best to avoid limerence, but it seems to me that even the strongest players succumb to love.
If you truly wish to master the game of love, then I recommend reading more from the father of relationship game, a man who developed a system to work limerence towards his own ends.
Read Next: The Father Of Relationship Game Shares His Secrets
Awesome recommendations and breakdown Samseau, will check that book out!
Hypergamy doesn’t care for limerance…in fact, hypergamy is stronger than limerance…
No woman will be limerent for a man she’s not hypergamous towards. A woman isn’t going to fall in love with someone she’s not attracted towards.
Limerence is a word that lady made up, although I do not argue with its existence, whatever name you want to call it.
It seems that the only defense against such limerence is to be so cynical that you wouldn’t be caught dead taking any trips to unicorn-land.
However, this sort of defense is the very thing that makes us vulnerable, because cynicism leaves you cold, and if a girl comes along at the right time, she can make the world actually seem bright once more, or give you hope when you had long dashed all hopes.
I wonder- if this manifests in different ways at different points in our life. Certainly the puppy-love of the 18 to 22 yr old crowd… maybe even the mid-30’s folks who have been jilted but still hang onto a bit of youth and hope… but what about people in their 40’s, as their youth fades much more… would limerence be affected by “I’ve chased plenty of sex but I really just wish for a companion and I’m tired now”… as folks fade into retirement, etc
This sort of thing does necessarily wax and wane, but I think in the end we must know that we are all at risk of limerence, so that we spot the warning signs and manage that shit properly so we don’t end up getting married with starts in our eyes.
We must never, never forget- there is NO unicorn land- so don’t go there.
Minor quibble: Romeo’s and Juliet’s parents had no idea that they even knew each other until their corpses were discovered. The only reason that Romeo was able to even lay eyes on Juliet is because Lord Capulet decided against kicking Romeo out of the party in light of Romeo’s good reputation. I wonder if their consuming love would continue if they knew that they had the father’s approval.
Nice!
And, as a guy who lived in bastion of feminism for many years (San Francisco & Berkeley), you are mostly correct that there are few gender parity, mainstream feminists around today. The notable exception being, my favorite, Camille Paglia.
She had a beautiful quote in her magnum opus, Sexual Personae, that went something like:
“…Every day as I drive over the bridge from New Jersey to New York City, I marvel at how grand and beautiful the skyline on New York is. Then, I thank men because, had women been charged with creating civilization, we’d still be living in grass huts.”
Camille Paglia…she’s a good chick in my book.
Is falling in love really that bad? I as long as the love is requited I don’t see the problem with a player “hanging up his hat.” I’m very much a red pill man but my one question for many of the guys here is; what about having kids? Love for a single partner is pretty much a prerequisite for a stable environment fora child rearing.
Maybe not bad advice to fight your own oneitis, but to the seasoned player, one of the biggest pitfalls is having chicks get feelings for you. The irony is that when you are a true alpha, you exhibit behavior that would push any sane woman away from you, but of course that just makes most of them swoon even harder. It’s a big pain in the ass having several pump and dumps convinced they are in love with you.
When a girl falls in love with you and doesn’t get you trapped in a relationship, she can turn to sabotage, and be far more of a danger in your life than a male enemy could be. This is when the stalking starts, the spying, the efforts at tricking you into an oopsie pregnancy.
My advice is to forget about the childish, beta notion of getting women to fall in love with you just out of some sense of revenge. If you don’t intend to be with her, then don’t push those “love” buttons – it’s not only unethical, but it’s anathema to the lifestyle of a plate-spinner.
Indeed. I would rather see an article about how to get a girl to NOT fall in love after banging her.
It seems everything I do to push them away makes them want to come back even more
Word, and this is when you know you’ve reached true alphadom. Every chick I bang these days thinks I’m the best lover she’s had, and the most alpha guy she’s been with, (which probably isn’t even true, but you bang them good and they get selective memories). Even though that sounds like a great problem to have, it’s not. Jealous women can be batshit insane and will salt your game at every chance if you let them get anywhere with you.
Word, and this is when you know you’ve reached true alphadom. Every chick I bang these days thinks I’m the best lover she’s had, and the most alpha guy she’s been with, (which probably isn’t even true, but you bang them good and they get selective memories). Even though that sounds like a great problem to have, it’s not. Jealous women can be batshit insane and will salt your game at every chance if you let them get anywhere with you.
and don’t forget “alpha fux, beta bux”. If her hypergamy tells her that you are the most alpha guy she can get with, 9 times out of 10 she WILL try to get knocked up by you – with or WITHOUT your knowledge and consent. She wants that alpha DNA for her offspring – she can’t help it.
Be careful out there boys!
i sincerely doubt any of you are doing this like you say.
driving away women isn’t hard. learn to cry on command. duh. spill your heart post coitus. deny her sex and say i just wanna cuddle.
….hope you realize that beta’s can’t deny women sex. anyways, you’re severely underestimating the rationalization hamster.
I’ve tried the “kick her out after sex”, the “leave after sex”, the “stay the night treat her to lunch and be a beta”, the “act like a a baby after sex” the “this is my first time”, the “I love you” they would always come back. The only solution is not leaving your number from what I’ve noticed, which sucks if you might want to bang her again. Even then, some of them managed to stalk me on facebook since my name is pretty uncommon
Falling in love isn’t a bad thing. Falling in love with ONLY ONE PERSON is bad.
Scripture citation is off. That is a verse from Genesis 29:20.
To imply that Jacob, who literally fathered a nation, was in any way beholden to a woman, rather than to God through his faithfulness to that woman, is a profound biblical illiteracy.
Tradition has it that Jacob lived to the age of 147. By proportion, seven “years” is half what it would be to you and me. The long ages of the patriarchs are meant to be understood as rough periods of influence rather than literal age numbers. The “Age of Jacob” lasted nearly 150 years, etc.
Jacob wrestled with an angel for an entire night without giving up, and eventually became known as “Israel,” or one who “perseveres with God.” His courtship of Rachel — who would also be barren for most of her life — is clearly an indication of his holy persistence rather than some vulgar example of “oneitis.” Jacob would eventually have four wives and eleven sons, who became the fathers of the twelve tribes of Israel.
Anyway, you have quite a few better examples to go through before implying that any biblical patriarchs is in any way “beta.” Scripture torn from context, like a bad pop-compilation of apocryphal quotations, is not a good way to set the tone for your piece.
Now, investigating the relationship between the manly but dull Esau (father Isaac’s favorite) and the clever Jacob (mother Rebekah’s favorite) would be a fruitful pursuit, given that Jacob so thoroughly triumphed over his twin brother.
Matt
You seem to
be rational. But what is this intellectual Anglosaxon nonsense? Are you at the
receiving end of feminazism? Is the situation as bad in Anglosaxony as your
words imply it?
I am starting to suspect you are a closet feminist. Not entirely RP, at any rate.