I want to take the time to illustrate a classic mistake many men make in trying to determine the methodology behind female mate choice: thinking like a dude.
Our strictly logical minds sometimes conclude that we have to actually hit most of the stated points on a woman’s checklist in order to “qualify” for that woman. This fails for one main reason above all: women rely more heavily on their emotions and feelings than do men when evaluating a potential mate.
A guy who merely appears to hit every point on the checklist in her dreams can punch well above his weight and render himself just as appealing as a guy who actually does, so long as he can sell her a dream that feels right to her.
To further illustrate this point, I’d like to present the story of former Texas Longhorn QB Matt Nordgren:
Matt Nordgren is an all-American, blue-eyed Texan charmer. A University of Texas quarterback and team captain, he led the Longhorns to a national championship in 2006. He signed to play with the Philadelphia Eagles later that year, but an unexpected injury pushed him into the family energy business instead.
Let’s get the real story in here.
Firstly, Matt Nordgren was never a starter at the University of Texas. He threw a grand total of fourteen passes his entire four year career, with no touchdowns and a single interception. He also ran for two touchdowns. He lived in Vince Young’s shadow for pretty much his whole career at Texas.
He never “led” the Longhorns to anything. Vince Young led the Longhorns to a national title in 2006, following a spectacular 2005 season. Matt Nordgren was on the sideline watching him do it and giving him breathers during practice. He was also not a team captain.
Secondly, Matt Nordgren never had a realistic shot at the NFL. He got a look simply because he went to a big program, had NFL bloodlines (father once played for the Cowboys) and looked the part on paper with a big frame, a strong arm, plus decent athleticism. The Eagles gave him a rookie contract that basically amounted to a tryout, and he didn’t even make it to training camp. He was a camp arm at best.
How does Matt Nordgren take this mediocrity and maximize its value? He simply sells the dream and allows women to make it a reality in their own heads.
Once they have seen his appearance and then read “Texas Longhorn QB”, and “Philadelphia Eagles” next to his name, they will make shit up if they have to in order to fit him into the image they’ve created in their head. Since they are women and not football coaches, the details of his mediocre playing career will remain largely irrelevant, especially if his image looks nice and makes them feel good about being with him.
Once the process of selling the dream (the dream in this case being the chance to date a good looking “superstar” quarterback) has been completed, little has to be done. She’s already developed an image in her head of his accomplishments based on her limited knowledge of his status indicators. Her mind has already made him into a superstar.
She’s already looking up to him as a result, and he is already pre-selected and approved in her head. Her imagination will do most of the remaining work for him. All he needs to do is let her buy into the dream, like so…
He says: “I was a QB at the University of Texas, and I played for the Eagles”.
She thinks: “Wow, I see Texas on my TV! My dad’s a fan! That team is really good. And the QB is kind of the leader of a team, right? This guy must have led them to all those wins and that championship I heard about that one year! The Eagles are in the NFL, so he must have been the best. Plus, he’s so good looking! What a catch!”
Reality: Barely played in college, eternal backup, not a team leader, never really played for or even went to training camp with the Eagles (they cut him very early).
Note how her rationalization hamster did most of the work for him, expanding upon the relatively simple image he gave with her own interpretation of his status indicators. He looks the part, so she just made him into the finished product she wanted him to be because that idea made her feel good. No need for him to do much convincing-she will see what she wants to see.
In a sexual sense, this allows him to punch well above his weight and enjoy a lifestyle that few college benchwarmers ever get to enjoy. Matt Nordgren now spends his time running around the reality TV/celebrity circuit, doing red carpet premiers, getting snapped by paparazzi and banging a bunch of pretty hot women, including some Hollywood starlets. His personal life gets more female and celebrity attention than that of some actual Pro Bowl NFL QBs and Heisman winners.
Nobody cares that his football career was largely a bust beyond the high school level or that he spent just about all of his college career on the bench. As far as women are concerned, there is little difference between his career and that of Vince Young, who was a vastly superior quarterback. All he needed to do was sell the dream and let women make it into the reality that works best for him.
Athletes are not the only ones with the ability to benefit from this kind of action. Normal guys can go much further if they also learn how to project and sell an image and then just let the female imagination (and her own hypergamy) do much of the leg work for them. Play the role of a marketing/advertising agency or agent, and view yourself as the product.
Chick logic can be quite annoying when encountered, but if you are able to avoid fighting it and instead make it work for you by allowing her wave of emotional rationalizations to up your own value, it can be turned into a useful tool.
Remember how female rationalization so often goes: if it feels good to her, then it is right, regardless of anything else. If the idea of you and/or being with you makes her feel good, then you are right, and the game can become a whole lot easier.
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37 thoughts on “Let Women Think You’re Their Dream Man”
1) this is genius. been reading 48 laws of power at the moment and it’s so interesting to see time and time again through history a brevity of words, laconic wit and mystery have led to initially low status men getting the power, dreams and wishes they had always wanted. merely by knowing when to and when not to work.
2) i just realised your self blurb capitalises on just those self same qualities (see “ivy-league-trained-thinker”)
when to and when not to *speak
This Nordgren is a good example of what branding can do for an image.
There’s probably room for a follow-up article on the steps men should take do this sort of image-making, like:
* things to tell girls to present this vision
* how to behave congruent to it
* where to go, what to do, etc
Also, I’m curious to hear more about how Nordgren continues to travel in these circles. Obviously there’s some family money…. but how is he taking such long breaks from work and spending money on travel, etc and dating models? That’s an expensive undertaking
My thinking exactly. This is an interesting post but its a bit incomplete. That said, the specifics vary from man to man.
AG, thanks for your article. Could you please give an example that is more relevant to regular guys who read RoK? Very few guys play football or basketball for prestigious colleges, even as bench warmers.
What about the rest? For instance, the unknown/anonymous graduate sitting with his notepad in Starbucks and trying to make it as a writer…
You have it right there. Do you have ANYTHING published? Even something co-authored in an academic publication? Assuming you do, don’t say “freelance writer”, even a hamster thinks that means unemployment. More like “I am an author, and not a struggling one, I am actually published”. She might think you are John Grisham, but it doesn’t matter you aren’t. At the end of the day, women want to be able to brag about you to their friends. So you supply the proper frame so she can parrot your words. Cherry pick whatever could be construed as elite/rare in your life and emphasis/exaggerate it (top school, type of job, exotic travel, athletics, family business, etc). Always remember – “fake it til you make it”
Publishing a book on Amazon.com through the Kindle and CreateSpace makes you a published author.
I have been making a living with my books for about 4 years but I work with pseudonyms so I don’t get real credit.
Celebrities from reality shows don’t have money but they still get laid with the fame. Having some money and some fame will always be better than having money alone.
It’s basically an old school DHV, you have to show it without bragging.
A quick web search says Nordgren is worth around 20 million bucks. That kind of money can come in handy…
Exactly. I have to say the Nordgren example is not the example yhat should be used.
You are over-analyzing this.
Women are attracted to “squareheads” like a magnet, and he is a classic example.
so that’s where the ‘Ivy League-trained thinker’ line comes from
Excellent post. My own example as a much more “common man” than the TX QB.
– when I got out of college, I wanted to work on Wall Street. Only job I could get was at an extremely mediocre investment bank in flyover country. So did I say “I work at Not Impressive Company Inc?”. Hell no. More like “I am an investment banker”. The fact that she thinks its just like working at Goldman Sachs is my gain, her loss.
– more recently, I cashed out of my startup and now I manage my own money. Do I say “I sit on my ass”? Though true, of course not. I say “I own a small private equity firm”. Since I manage my own private capital in a LLC, this is technically true, and it makes her think I am Henry Kravis (of course, I doubt she knows who the hell that is, but rather facsimile of him)
Reality – I went to top a business school so I could make a shit ton of money, I don’t work because I don’t have too, my LLC has a nifty website to help convince the IRS its a real company, I travel to collect more flags, I drive a sports car so I can have something fun to drive at the track, and I live in my condo because I am too lazy to buy and maintain a single family home.
Her hamster brain – “Wait, so you like you run a private equity firm (you look very distinguished on your website!), went to one of the top schools in the country, travel all over the world to exciting and exotic places, live in a beautiful penthouse condo, and drive a fancy sports car?? You are a 10!”
The preceding quote is literally from the mouth of a 30 year old on the verge of hitting the wall that I banged last fall. Yes, she literally called me a “10”. Trust me boys, I ain’t…
A few days I read something about a PUA creating a modelling agency with his friends. This was to meet chicks, create an entourage with followed around by wannabee models. Clever idea.
link? i remember reading some guys doing it in the rooshvforum as well
Recall a while back some bloke had his mates play entourage/paparazzi at some mall in Virginia. Watch as it proves this post point about how they “felt” to be in the alleged presence of a celebrity. Also note with the advent of smartphones you’d think people would look him up. Me thinks Roissy did a write up on it but too lazy to search and link it.
Here’s the link.
Here it is.
So is this how an Ivy League student thinks.
He can talk the big talk and to a prestigious school.
Sell the dream that he is more than he really is.
But at the end of the day..He cannot walk the walk.
Knowledge is power, only when you act on it.
Understanding the game does not equivalate to a successful player of the game
wow that’s an amazing bluff right there!
This article is completely off base. This guy is pulling mad ass because he played QB at Texas, is good looking, was on a reality TV show, and is rich and has the rich vibe. Do you think these girls read his bio on wetpaint.com ??
This is very true.
So true in fact that j can relate it all to my own experience through my older sister.
Her hypergamous fuck ups over the years caused her to split with her first true love who was the typical gentleman and a promising lawyer.
End up with a complete ass hole a few years later who treated her and the family like shit (the dude got hospitalised not long after)
And a guy who literally exploited the things you mentioned above by exagerating his status saying he’s an up and coming movie producer and on the way to making his big break. Keeping my sis in a wild goose chase for 6 years through marriage. Until she gets fed up with his shit after catching on to his bullshit, by which point it’s too late as he packs his bags and leaves on valentines day unannounced.
Goes to show how vulnerable hypergamy is to women and can be exploited easily. I wouldn’t say I blame women for it as its in their nature. But it taught me principles and to never lie to women as karma is always a bitch.
If you’re to game honestly. Be sure to back it up with substance.
Men are not “strictly logical.” Women are generally speaking more in touch with their feelings, but I think your assertion leads to a needed discussion/debate of nature v nurture v society.
Yup. This is a form of social engineering where the other party does the construction of the the image in their mind. I use this all the time in my life and let people assume what they want. I tell the truth, but leave blanks about “unimportant” and “boring” details that the other person really wants to fill in with their own image of what they want.
Women are going to fill in the blanks about a guy anyway. Why not structure the blanks to maximize the benefit to one’s self?
For example, when someone asks me what I do, I tell them “nothing.” Now, that either means I a homeless bum, or retired, or a trust baby, or ____. It’s amusing for me to see what people come up with. Now, since I don’t dress, smell or act like a bum, I let them come up with something just to assess where their level of hope is based on their internal vision or dream of what a do-nothing is. If they come up with something like “you must be a rich or something,” I’ll let them simmer on that for a while as I play coy about the true answer.
After a minute or two I may reveal that, “I don’t really do NOTHING, but rather live off my real estate money (entirely true).” What do people assume about that statement? I don’t know, but I wait to hear their responses. It helps me to know how much info to reveal to DHV, without spoiling the vision she has created in her mind.
You might wonder if women would say that I’m a Realtor. But Realtors don’t describe what they do by saying they live off their real estate money. Rather, they cement the reality that they typically say they are a real estate agent or broker, which is not the same as stating you live off your real estate money. Saying your an agent fills in all blanks for a person about what you do, as most people assume they know what a real estate agent does. What I say leaves blanks for her mind to fill-in.
So, who talks like the “live off their money?” Investors? Trust Babies? Rich people? The point is, I don’t care. Unless someone persists in pegging me as someone common, in which case I end the conversation and move on, then I’ll let the girl keep her dream and hopes up that she’s met some real estate tycoon. Since chances are there will be no bang, or if a bang occurs, not much more after that, then what’s the problem with letting people think what they want to think based on their own perceptions?
If a person forms a perception based on limited information, for whatever reasons, then it’s his or her perception; She owns it, and I’m not going to steal it from her.
Now, I do live off my real estate money and haven’t worked a “real” job in nearly a decade. Those statements are absolutely true. However, most people hear that and think I’m some big-time real estate investor. The unspoken details (not that a girl has even asked), is that I have a very modest portfolio of rental real estate that provides a sufficient income for ME and MY pursuits. I have FREEDOM! But I don’t have a Bently. That fine for me. If a girl wants a Bently, she’ll only figure out that I’m not providing her one after a at least a couple of bangs.
Let the world think what they want about what they want to think about. Heaven knows most people in this society aren’t good at math and science, and they certainly don’t want to put in the work to understand how good or bad a NFL player is when their imaginations can do the work for them.
This might be my favorite article/post you have ever written!
Have you been studying pimps?
Getting on tv is so powerful. Ideally, you wouldn’t have to sell yourself to her. It’s better if she sees you getting interviewed on tv and sees your picture everywhere. Then, you don’t have to say anything.
The average guy can do this too. Market yourself like a hollywood public relations firm!
Now this stuff is useful, and not what tried to sell us Askmen.com some years ago.
Something was crystal clear to me on reading this article that neither the article touched on or any of the comments: Women at all times seek raising their status among other women, so part of the equation is whether or not their friends will be envious/jealous that they are dating you. That’s how their own pitiful little minds, and hence, their social hierarchy works. “If I’m fucking this guy who looks outstanding on paper to me, then he will look outstanding to my girl friends and acquaintances, and then I will make my friends jealous, move up in the hierarchy of my social circle, and the biggest thing of all, it will make me feel good and them feel like shit.”
Once you’ve come to understand the massive importance of peer approval to women, the nature of game, general societal gender dynamics and the feminine imperative as a whole will become much easier to understand.
Genius. A+. 10 million hamster points.
Selling the dream was too easy in DC. Used to work “for the State Department, doing…well, I really can’t go into detail about it.”
If Matt Nordgren can sell dreams to women based on lies then I will advice that anything about him be investigated. I am not sure the guy is worth $20 Million. How did he make that money? Was his family ever investigated? If he’s using lies to create image then the assumption should be that anything he say is not right until proven to be so.
I agree to a point. A little clever marketing can help, but dont get too caught up in this or you will do yourself a disservice. I know guys who essentially lie and let people create amazing lives for them in their minds. They get laid (or rather they did, now that they are older its fading), but they are selling themselves short because rather than taking the hard path and achieving the awesome life that Mr Right has, they just BS women and themselves.
I like like to use my sex motivation and harness it to achieve greater things in my life. I don t want to pretend to be rich I want to BE rich. Faking it is the easy way out and you should fight to be your best self, its worth it in the long run.
Your whole website is misogynic bullshit. You know jack shit about women.
This is pretty fucking obvious stuff. I mean, fair points, but don’t belabor the obvious.