Life

A Basic Guide To Selecting Wine For Women

78 Comments

Last time we went through the reasoning process to understand wines that can match your tastes. Today we will explore another subject—choosing wines for your women.

We are making the following assumptions: that you prefer young, attractive girls who have unfortunately been weaned on a steady diet of vodka-lemonades and alcopops, and are thus ignorant of the distinction between Champagne and Prosecco. This demographic is all about fruit, flavour and fizz, with little awareness of the subtle nuances of fine wine. As a man, it is your role to take her hand and guide her within this new, diverse and exciting world.

 

Imagine you are with your lady, sitting at a wine bar as she defers to you for wine selection. After reading this article you will know exactly what to order for her.

Immediately we will ignore red wines, as most neophyte women will be unfamiliar and closed to the bitter, drying sensation of tannin. We will also ignore rosé – while it is a diverse and interesting category, most people (and therefore most women) still view rosé as low-budget, sweet, pink water – the last thing you want is for her to think of you as cheap.

We will only focus on white and sparkling wines, preferably with only 1-3 years of bottle age; this means you can select a vintage from as far back as 2011 with reasonable confidence (as of this writing). This is good news for you, as most wine is made to be consumed within a short time frame anyway, and it will not be difficult to find something in a suitable price range.

Sauvignon Blanc

Sauvignon Blanc has garnered a high reputation these days due in no small part to New Zealand, from which many examples of aromatic, fruit-driven wines have come. Because of this many other countries have tried to capitalize on this by jumping on the bandwagon and increasing their plantings of Sauvignon Blanc.

Key regions – New Zealand, Chile, Australia, USA (California), and France (Loire Valley).

Riesling

Riesling is an often under-appreciated varietal that come in many expressions, from dry and zesty to sweet and luscious. Germany is the best example of this, with their Prädikat system acting as a guide to indicate ripeness and sugar levels.

Key regions – Germany, Australia (Clare Valley, Eden Valley, Tasmania), France (Alsace), New Zealand and Canada.

Pinot Gris

Pinot Gris is usually picked when quite ripe, which translates to high potential alcohol, however many winemakers will ferment Pinot Gris only to off-dryness, resulting in a wine that is not overly hot and retaining a touch of sweetness and lots of fruit character. In some cases there is limited skin contact that can contribute some texture.

Key regions – France (Alsace), Australia, New Zealand,

Sparkling Wines

Keep in mind that sparkling wines do not begin and end in Champagne, otherwise you will burn through your wallet in short order. Sparkling wine is basically still wine that has retained residual sugar in the bottle, and yeasts are allowed to ferment this remainder to produce alcohol and carbon dioxide.

Be careful with anything that has an age/vintage declaration and terms like Late-Disgorged and Dégorgement Tardive, as this suggests extended time spent on lees, the dead yeast cells that were used during winemaking. While this imparts some interesting yeasty and brioche characters to the wine, some women will be put-off by it and assume the wine is tainted. Stick to Non-Vintage (NV) wines, denoting a house style of wine that aims at consistency and vibrancy.

Key regions – Sparkling wines are produced everywhere; there is Crémant in France, Cava in Spain, Prosecco/Asti/Moscato in Italy, and Sparkling wines from New World regions such as Australia, USA, New Zealand and South Africa.

Dessert Wines

Dessert wines are a diverse and varied category, with many methods of production to create a product with substantial residual sugar. As with any dessert, these should be consumed in moderation. As well as the Prädikat system indicated above, you should also familiarise yourselves with the terms below:

Late Harvest | Late Picked | Vendange Tardive – Grapes are allowed to attain a high level of ripeness, increasing sugar levels and making it more likely to produce a sweeter wine.

Botrytis | Noble Rot – This is a fungus that sits on the grape skins and penetrates them to extract the water. This concentrates the acids and sugars in the berries, allowing for a sweeter style of wine to be made. Dried apricot characters are typical of this style of wine.

UnderwearWineCigar

Conclusion

Even by limiting our range of considerations there’s a large selection to choose from, so picking the right wine for your lady companion should be no challenge. Confidently make selection and tell her, “This is what you’re drinking.” Cheers, and enjoy.

Read More: A Players’ Guide To Wine Appreciation

78 thoughts on “A Basic Guide To Selecting Wine For Women”

    1. Sure, and she’ll be farting all night. Good thinking kid.
      And btw, the good Chianti is not cheap. The stuff that used to come in the straw bottle is the cheap stuff.

      1. Obviously someone didn’t pick up on the Silence of the Lambs reference…

      2. Obviously someone didn’t pick up on the Silence of the Lambs reference…

  5. Portugese Mateus Rose is always a good bet….. drinkable…. not as acidic as a white, and not too heavy for her like a red…. goes down a treat….
    Aside from that, get her bubbling with champagne or prosecco and you’re good…..

    1. I’d extend that to any Portuguese wine. The reds are flavorful and high alcohol, the whites are refreshing, and there is even sparkling. All are undervalued in the US, and therefore quite affordable if not downright cheap. The best bang for the buck, IMO, if you can find them.

    2. Sparkling wines seem to work faster too.
      Plus, there’s the drama and risks of the opening pop.
      “Rice is nice, but liquor is quicker.” – Ancient Wisdom

    3. I used to drink that stuff back in the 60’s when I was a poor student. Lancers was another one and had a slight fizz to it at the time. Probably still fermenting in the bottle :o)
      Used to drink Glenlivet unblended scotch too(now labelled Malt). Very few people drank unblended whisky at the time.About 1980 they became better known if you lived in a more sophisticated area. Not Podunk
      I recall buying a case of Lafite ’61 in the late 60’s which was a great year for about $60. Sells for about $1k a bottle now.
      Got some Petrus 1970 for $35 a bottle in the late 70’s. Now it’s $2500 a bottle.
      Too bad I drank it all lol

  6. TL;DR version:
    something that sounds fancy but is generally pretty sweet and “girlie.” She can stroke her ego by having something sophisticated, and yet still chug it like apple juice.
    Most women aren’t fans of hard alcohol unless it’s sweetened by random fruit juice and/or energy drink, might as well apply the same logic to wine. The easier it is for her to consume, the better.

    1. Give her some Tio Pepe, it’s a bone dry fino that will pucker her lips and get her ready for a good bj :o)

  7. There articles are getting so irritating. Elitist wine snobbery? Check. Irrelevant and tasteless photos of attractive women with wine? Check. This article reeks of Men’s Health-esque bullshit. mrcs84us’s commentwas by far the most informative and useful piece of information.
    Save the annoying wine faggotry for the recent divorcees and middle aged men who use wine as a thin veneer of charm over their lifeless personalities.

    1. Gin + tonic is the panty remover of choice. But lets not forget, women will drink anything that’s free. Including sperm.
      As a once-part-time bartender for a few summers in some of the hottest urban night clubs, I can tell you with absolute certainty… women are so fucking clueless as to what they are consuming, they will lick a stripper’s dick even when they are getting married next week. You don’t waste a perfectly good grape on that kind of palette. Here are some of the most popular female orders of all time:
      • “Rum and diet coke. I’m a diabetic.”
      (are you fucking kidding me? Rum is made from sugar, ya dumb broad)
      • “I’ll have a sex on the beach! What’s in that??”
      That was number one. Women will order shit they HEARD of and not even know what the fuck is in it.
      • “Which is better? A slippery nipple or a screaming orgasm?”.
      Jesus Christ. This question was the most annoying. What do you mean what’s BETTER? It’s your $5. Pick one for fuck sake.
      • “I’ll have a Long island Iced Tea… a fuzzy navel… a screwdriver….. ” whatever the fuck a woman orders, she has NO FUCKING IDEA what it is. They just like to say “screwdriver” and “fuzzy navel” because women are all perverts. One is made with vodka and the other is made with peach schnapps, but you could switch them around and no woman will ever know the difference.
      The most important take-away from the above article is that you must pick her poison. You don’t want to feed her good wine. You want bang for your buck. Shots of Jaeger(meister), Gold diggers LOVE Goldshlager, concentrated drinks. Shots. Tequila. Flaming Sambuca. You get the idea.
      Women’s tastes are so cheap and indistinguished, she will drink whatever motor oil you buy her before she reaches for her own purse and drops $8 on a nice chardonnay. There is no need to try and bother wasting a good label or Opus One on her cheap , uncultured ass. Treat yourself to the good stuff….. but let women drink “rum and diet coke” and think they are losing weight.

      1. Except for my fiancée Maria who has good taste in everything, few females have any taste in wine (or anything else) and are basically label whores. If it has an expensive label on it (this they know. well, sometimes) they’ll think it’s good. I once had a girl over(someone I wasn’t even thinking of shagging and was just bored) and for some stupid reason decided to open a Petrus ’83 I had in my cellar. She says it’s good but drinks about 3 ozs of it so of course I had to finish the bottle. Now these wines have become extremely expensive and are difficult to get these days due to demand and a tiny production not to mention the fact that you need to keep them for 10 years before they’re at their best.As I said, most females are just label whores. I could take a bottle of Louis XIII cognac which goes for $3k these days and fill it with some Hennessey VS and they wouldn’t know the difference.OK now here’s a funny story about this same woman.We’re talking about wine a bit and she tells me she went out with some guy and he ordered Louis XIII. I just said that it was expensive and happened to have a Sherry-Lehmann catalogue on my table that I was looking at and asked her if it was this one she drank.Well, it turned out that it was actually the Remy XO that comes in a similar bottle and sells for about $150 which is still an expensive cognac.When I showed her the difference she acted as if the guy she was with cheated her even though she got a free drink! haha As I said I had no desire to shag her and just like studying females, it amuses me.This one should have been named the Material Girl.
        Does anyone really believe that a female can tell the difference between a $2k Hermes handbag and a $200 bag (still a very good bag) if they were an identical style and had no markings or logos on them?
        As far as wine just get the average female some White Merlot or something like that.Or some wine in a box. Put it in a crystal decanter and they’ll think it’s expensive lol

        1. I once dated a chick who said she only drank champagne. I bought her cheap Californian sparkling wine. She had no idea.

        1. When you are as eloquent in 4 languages as Tom is in English (which isn’t even his first language) then you can criticize his spelling. lol. idiot.

        3. Not without humiliating yourself in the process. But please. Feel free. idiot.

        5. That’s obvious. Sarcasm. The last desperate grasp, go-to feminist hissyfit response to hurtful facts….. and resounding admission of defeat in the marketplace of ideas.

        8. jesus. have to have the last word. that’s a particularly feminine trait.

        9. Not really. You are the last word on stupid because you criticize other people’s spelling of one word while repeatedly demonstrating your inability to capitalize a single sentence properly. lolololol. Idiot.

        10. i’d also like to add that while rum is made from sugar, the sugar is converted to ethanol, which is ALCOHOL, but no longer sugar. oh, oops, forgot to capitalize again. how stupid of me.

      1. yup. the operative words being “the sort of females YOU’RE likely to come in contact with”. because any woman with a brain wouldn’t have anything to do with you.

        2. like i said, they don’t hang around guys like you. YOU DON’T FUCKING EXIST to them. so go write a manifesto.

        3. Don’t care. Women are not for “brains”.They exist for sucking cock to completion. Kinda like women think men exist to pay for shit. Except in reverse. Women exist to be sperm dumps.

        4. Generalizing like that only makes you sound like the fucking idiot that you are.

        6. every man. huh. there you go generalizing again. come out of the basement once in a while.

    3. Jealous much? This blog is a joke. It’s filled with poor sex deprived pyjama kids,dopey negroes and homeless morons. It’s not surprising that you can’t get a girl, not even a 2, and are constantly crying about how bad women are. The Internet has become just a cesspool of losers which is why rather stupid comments like yours get upvotes. I’ve noticed that the more upvotes a blanket boy gets the dumber the comment and it’s because morons are doing the voting. You’re all motivated by jealousy of your betters who if you had the next 100 years you could never equal with your average 85 IQ’s*
      *The Pavlov Institute pegs the US negro IQ at 85, about 15 points higher than sub Saharra Africa due to the White admixture.

  8. Ugh, you’re making me not want to drink wine with women. I usually like wine with a good roast of beef or a steak, which means a Syrah, a Zin, a Pinot Noir, or a Cabernet Sauvignon.

  9. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! I am a low class, white trash piece of SHIT and now after reading your article? I think I’m gonna go buy some fucking 50 cent bottle of cheap white liquor and some limes and drink it, just so I can SPITE you, faggot. I will NEVER spend more than 2 dollars on a bottle of alcohol, and I sure as shit ain’t paying 10 to 50 dollars for a fucking bottle of wine just to impress some female parasite.

    1. I am a low class, white trash piece of SHIT
      True. I gave you a thumb’s up for honesty

    2. Come on now, you can get decent cavas for like $10 a bottle, all girls knew is its bubbly and European so it must be fancy. It’s even cheaper than the Italian shit, and they drink bubbly from a can, or so I’ve heard. Not all who enjoy wine are snobs. I’m a blue collar country boy too, but I still treat myself to wine now and then. You can get high 80s – low 90s wine for under $20. I think of it as more of a hobby, if I homebrew I have to know what I’m up against, though I’ve never had a good commercial muscadine. The point of the article is you give girls the cheap prethy shit and save the good stuff for yourself. It shows you know wine, which in seen as a worldly manly thing, and are willing to take charge and pick her drink. Chances are the only wineknhe knows is chardonnay, maybe merlot if she’s a wine buff, but of course she went like it because it’s an icky spooky red.

  10. Well done! I feel like you’re doing a disservice to the average ROK reader by avoiding some of the go-to white wines for specific occasions, like pairing a cheap-ass gewurtztraminer with a fruit and cheese plate from Cosco, and saving your ass by plating it on one of your dinner plates and putting it off as your own appetizer. Many is the middle-class whore-wannabe I’ve porked senseless after a bottle of German Panty Removal Syrup.
    A man should know wines, both to enjoy and to build confidence in company. We will not always dine at Chili’s, and should be ready to enjoy a decent wine with our decent dinner.

  11. Amen. Plenty of poor, boring homos before us have given their all to discover what wine tastes best with what meal. Why, oh why, in the name of the seven mad gods of the sea, wouldn’t you listen to the author and enjoy a drink that brings out the flvor of your meal? God forbid you actually learn to enjoy something.

  13. A shift from ROK women bashing has made your followers upset. To actually think a man might enjoy choosing his companions wine is absurd to them. I wonder why.

    1. They’re loser blanket boys who can’t even afford Ripple?
      It was Fred Sanford’s favourite.

    2. Choosing a wine puts the man in charge. Women love this. It adds to your allure as “The Decider”, the man who knows what women want, confidence, esteem charm. They love it when the waiter brings the wine to your table, presents the bottle to The Man, who examines it and nods his approval. Knowing about wine is all wins and no losses.
      The only people who will complain about this kind of thing are other men. Why? Because you have just put yourself one step above them.

      1. Couldn’t agree more. I take great pleasure in choosing her poison and dominating what enters her.

  14. Biddies like sweet wines like Moscato, Zinfandel, and some Rieslings. They don’t know what they are drinking anyways.

  15. Good article. I’m into wine (mostly reds), but this is a very accurate guide to the kinds of wines that young women are likely to enjoy without compromising quality.

  16. What about the
    I-hate-Chardonnay-but-love-Chablis brigade? You missed a large segment of the
    population.
    If
    you really want to impress a woman, you’d go by wine regions rather than grape
    varietals. Riesling from Germany and riesling from Australia are two completely
    different beasts. Plus many wines are in fact a blend (cépage) of different
    grapes.
    Making
    sure you pronounce the French wine region correctly, it is also a big turn on.
    Know your Pouilly-Fumé from your Sancerre. And it’s Rees-ling not Rais-ling,
    btw.
    By
    limiting your wine choice to only white and bubbly, you limit your chances to
    impress a higher caliber woman. White wine is bleached wine. LOL
    I make wine and I noticed women get
    really impressed by that. Mix your sperm with red wine, hey presto you get a
    rose! LOL
    ————–
    note to admin: your banning script is not very effective.

    1. I-hate-Chardonnay-but-love-Chablis brigade?
      Erm, Chablis is made from the Chardonnay grape. In Cal. they put Chablis on any white wine from any grape.
      White wine is not a lessor wine. Think of Montrachet, Meursault, Ch. D’Yquem etc
      In ancient Rome the best wine was a white called Falernum. The vineyards are still there although it’s not really the same wine.

  17. I have to say, I wouldn’t waste my time on the type of woman who drinks alco-pops. That said, a smattering of knowledge about wine makes you appear very sophisticated to the average woman and will distinguish you from other men. Women love the romance of wine and will be impressed with a man who can pick wine to go with a meal. It is to your benefit to know this stuff.

  18. I guess this could work in a bar, but if you’re eating a meal with her (in a restaurant/at home), I would not listen to a word this article has to say. Red meat generally tastes unbalanced with white wine (red wine is a better option), and anything with fish/chicken etc. is better suited to white wines.

  19. I gotta tell you man, this article isn’t a lot of help.
    “How to select wine for a woman! Well, some rieslings are dry and zesty, and some are kinda the opposite!”
    O…kay.
    Look, “don’t pick a red wine” is helpful and actionable. “Avoid vintage sparkling wines (cause chicks can’t handle them and will think they taste weird)” is also helpful. I mean – it may or may not be wrong, but it is concrete enough to count as advice. “Dessert wines are for dessert, you idiot, and here are some examples” is great advice. Picking a syrupy dessert wine to go with the salad will totally peg you as someone who knows zip about wines.
    But “In some cases there is limited skin contact that can contribute some texture”? Say what? Texture? Wine has texture?
    This could have been a useful article, but exhibits lack of focus and copypasta wine-speak.
    Do it again.

  20. My wine selection guide….
    “Wine you want? What, Chardonnay? Ewww. That’s an old maids drink of choice. Reminds me of that cougar that came onto me a couple nights ago.”
    “Here’s what we I’m having: Scotch…. single malt… neat… and it better not have Johnny, McCallan, of Glenfidich on the label on the label. I’ll take a Glenlivet 12 if that’s all they have, but prefer a Glenmorangie 10 or Oban 14 to start. ”
    “What? You don’t like scotch? I suppose you don’t like the taste of cum either. However, that’s never stopped you from milking a cock with your mouth.”
    “If you want something white, how about a vodka & soda or tonic. Not sweet enough you say? Make it vodka & Sierra Mist. I don’t care. But, no Grey Goose or any of that over-priced, over marketed BS vodka that you couldn’t differentiate from Skol or Fletchers. If you want top-shelf, Smirnoff is as good as it’s going to get. If you really want the GG experience, I pour it into an empty Grey Goose bottle first before I serve it to you. Either way, I don’t care. You’ll get something white by the end of the night alright.

  22. Try a good port on her. These are red fortified wines, usually with some sweetness, great after dinner. 20% alcohol typically. essentially, the port makers takes a flavorful red and adds commercial-grade Everclear. Nice to sip – again and again.
    Try Graham’s “Six Grapes” – everyone seems to like that, it’s smooth, and its not too pricey. California has some good ones too, Livermore Valley and Lodi are two good sources.
    They seem to be more hang-over producing than other wines, at least for me.

    1. That’s not how Port is made. The fermentation of the red wine is stopped by the addition of high proof brandy. This keeps the wine from completely fermenting and becoming bone dry as a result of the sugar being used up.The wine ends up being sweet and strong. The Vintage is aged 2 years in barrel and then spends the next 20 ageing in bottle. The Tawny is aged in barrels and then bottled and ready to drink. It’s usually a bit drier from the cask ageing. Ruby is just aged less in barrel and is cheaper

      1. That’s the old way – maybe Graham’s does it that way. In California it is made as I described according to the multiple wineries I have visited and sampled. I prefer some of the California ports over Graham’s but not all.

        1. Maria certainly knows her wines, probably from being around me.Port is from the Douro valley up the river from Oporto on the coast.What she said is correct. It’s high proof brandy which of course is just distilled wine, not some grain spirit that’s almost pure alcohol at 190.Port is not from California and although there are mico climates that produce excellent wines there I’m not sure if they have the same regulations in regard to making the wine.
          You’ll notice that there is no grape name on most European because only certain grapes are permitted in the various areas under law wine. You don’t see Lafite list the grapes used It’s CabS and Merlot there).
          The reason that the better Cal. wines began to use the varietal grape names is because you used to be able to call anything you made from any grape anything you wanted to. They mostly just copied European names. For example, you could label something a Chablis even if it was made from Thompson seedless grapes (not a wine grape) while in France Chablis is a small area and you must use Chardonnay and follow all of the other laws in making it. So to distinguish their wines from the crap the better growers in Napa etc began with this grape naming on the label.Today though they’ve gone back to the blend of approved grapes as in Bordeaux and rely upon the vineyards name and reputation.
          btw, as for Port I usually serve Maria some Cockburn’s.

      2. So they are supposed to use brandy rather than neutral spirits. But it’s the same process. The added alcohol kills the yeast and keeps the wine sweet.

  23. For the love of God dont drink Czech wine, i drank it in Prague because it was cheap, you get what you pay for. Although, clearly some wines are over priced. I read somewhere that you should never pay more than £10 for a bottle of wine because anymore and even professional wine tasters get confused.

  24. I would add to the Riesling list. Lake Michigan Shores Rieslings. The micro climate in southwest Michigan produces something exceptional in white grapes. The wineries there have been at it for decades and are easily the equal of or superior to California’s. The reds from that region however are competent but not exceptional.

  25. I’d go for a bombastic fruit bomb, australian or californian red. They’re usually not that tannic and difficult anymore but rather easy to enjoy; if she’s a newbie you can take her through the wine tasting routine (“swirl the glass and take a sniff, that vanilla smell is oak, bitch”); best of all, they discreetly pack quite a punch.

Comments are closed.