We all alternate between periods of happiness and periods of depression—periods of energy and periods of lethargy, periods of reaping and periods of sowing. Thus is the cyclical nature of life.
The question is: do you respond appropriately? Do you take advantage of the energy when it comes and use it productively to crush life? If you don’t, and you instead opt to enjoy the emotional highs without really applying yourself to anything, you set yourself up for a big fall. When the energy leaves you and you haven’t grown in any way, your off cycle that would’ve been used for rest and recovery now feels more like a depression.
And when you enter such a cycle of depression, it oftens seems like a never-ending period. You don’t have the recent positive reference experience to confidently bounce back and get after it. So you sit there and sulk in your own misery, unsure of how to proceed.
This happens to all of us. Eventually something happens and you take action, exiting the depressionary cycle in the process. Here are some tips if you feel like you’ve been stuck in an off cycle for too long—some tips to get you going again. These things always help me.
1. Narrow your focus to one actionable thing
When we are inactive, our minds tend to wander. We think about one thing we need to do, then another that we should do, and then a third that we’d like to do. The result is when you’re lying on your back, looking at the ceiling, and feeling paralyzed—like you literally can’t take action on anything.
Rather than allowing thoughts to bombard your brain from 1,000 different angles, choose one actionable thing to focus on. For example, one target area for your business (e.g. inbound marketing, content creation, networking, roadmap planning) or one aspect of your game (e.g. approaching, first dates, physical escalation).
And then DO IT. Analysis paralysis is very real. It’s possibly the number one cause of inaction. Stop THINKING about all your options and DO just one of them.
2. Don’t forget the fundamentals
Everyday, although your focus will be on one particular item (as determined above), you still must take care of the basic tasks that will ensure you feel rested and energetic. For me this means exercising, reading, and meditating every day.
Pick three things that make sense for you, and then make sure you check them off your list every single day.
3. Replace the bad with the good
Next, list the things that you do that you know aren’t helping you: your bad habits, if you will. This might mean playing video games, masturbating, drinking, smoking, or picking your fingernails. Pick things you tend to do that TAKE more than they GIVE, things that tend to have a component of instant gratification but no long-term benefits. Whenever you catch yourself doing one of these things, stop and instead do one of the things you determined in step 2 above.
This 3 step process in awfully simple, but it works for me. Not instantly, but far more quickly than if I just sit around and play the victim.
If this was helpful, you may be interested in my new online bootcamp 28 Days To Alpha. Click here for more info.
Read More: How To Avoid The 3 Worst Qualities Of The Beta Male
Damn, I’ve been in a mental slump for a while recently. “Analysis paralysis” describes this pretty darn accurately.
I’m not superstitious, but I’ll take this article as a sign. Time to lift myself up.
Thank you.
Just get out and see the things you are avoiding. See how people are doing things and living their lives. Read or see videos of people doing things despite extreme adversity. Then go to a nearby hospital to see the terminal patients. Seek help if you can’t do it alone.
this article fits perfectly on today’s status! Good read, man ! ‘attaboy’ !
Second paragraph struck me profoundly. I wa surprised to see the author was “Jefe” who’s short articles usually center around exercise; this was a nice deviation from your norm. Great post man
yes, but exercise of some sort and physical health is hugely important for mental health. Its increasingly recognised and even prescribed by doctors – as in prescriptions for exercise.
I completely agree. Sounds cliche but diet and exercise are paramount in one’s overall health. It’s interesting how he illustrates that in the article.
i forgot about diet actually. nothing like a hamburger binge to create a downer
I have heathly frozen food that ive cooked in my chest freezer! Every time I was in a slump I usually turn to take away cause I don’t have the energy to cook!
Helps me get back on my feet faster compare to eating bad food and feeling guilty about it which just makes your slump worst!
Get a Black Sidekick?
Women dig that. Seriously, I have been approached by women after having been seen on the loading dock buff, shirtless, and with Calvin Klein brief elastic showing as I shot hoops, talked jive, and slapped hands with the Black Gentlemen.
Because you’re clearly dangerous but still white so not too dangerous I guess. Basically a joke Family Guy made.
Not sure how many women hang out down at the loading dock, but back when I was the only white dewd in my neighborhood, girls I brought back to the Dark Continent did get a frisson of pleasure out of the perceived ‘danger’ of having only my beefy biceps and the thin cotton of their panties b/w their quims and the locals. They dug getting railed in the ‘hood, with the security of knowing that, if I got one past the goalie and their bellies swelled, they’d wind up with a white baby.
À bientôt,
Mistral
They are watching transfixed from their air-conditioned perches in HR.
As a black man I find that amusing. Dip your toes into the pool that is the ‘hood’ but no way will they dive in. Curious, did any of the girls actually capitalize on their curiosity?
Some Barry White on the 8-track, a strawberry-scented pine tree odorizer hanging from the rear-view, dingle balls around the window trim, and a stash of bomb reefer (“spliffs”) and I am telling you, the bishes were all over me.
Will you be my Black Friend?
Superb article, can attest all the points are very true. Though I’d begin with point no.3 first – replace the bad with the good.
No fapping is extremely important, because I see a lot of fellow men who have no motivation to achieve their goals or turn their lives around because they fap around too much during a slump to feel good and reduce stress. Bad move. Don’t do it. It kills the drive. Same goes for all bad habits which are limiting or debilitating. I’d also limit interaction with women till I focus on improving myself, and detoxing/de-cluttering the junk in life.
Meditation is superb, for it increases brain power and concentration. Gives tunnel vision when deciding to focus on a goal, even if that goal might be self improvement. The other points mentioned too in the article are great, thank you Jefe for this awesome post.
Can you give me some recommendations on red pill meditation techniques/books/whatever?
For me number 3 was first. Drop the booze and the other two steps just fell into place.
This article is very good. Very straight forward and direct with regard to a subject which the author is quite right in saying should not be over-intellectualised. I know that because if I’d written it, it would have been three pages too long and my advise about over analysing would have seemed a bit rich. Action & structure = ease of mind and living
Working out at the gym can be a productive way to handle stress / depression. If you’re having difficulty sleeping at night because you’re mind is continually gyrating on a problem you can’t solve, itvfeelw good to exhaust yourself with an early evening workout. Work out until you actually get dizzy and have to sit down to regain balance. Insomnia cured.
The list could be longer and the first thing should be simply this: “Get off your ass”.
I found this article to be one of the best I’ve read on RoK (easily top 5). The accuracy of the information is, in my mind, exceedingly high. I have been doing almost exactly what this article says to do (despite not reading it until now). Negatives things, like masturbation, friendships with attractive women, videogames, watching useless Youtube videos and procrastination, are all but dying in my life, and because of this, I haven’t been happier in my life. I know that the information here works.
Not only is the accuracy unerring, but the terseness of the piece is excellent. Being to the point, especially on things like self-improvement, allows a clear goal to be set, and clutter when things go awry is the last thing you want.
I will add one thing of my own: you must push through the withdrawal. Like cigarette or sugar addiction, your body will respond poorly to the sudden dearth if you opt for cold-turkey. Whilst cold-turkey is best, weaning yourself may be more reasonable, as long as you’re honest with yourself (i.e. don’t make very small reductions acceptable. Half the amount of time you masturbate this week, and continue halving it until you eliminate it completely). I still get the impulses for the instant gratification of videogames or masturbation, yet I manage to ward them off the majority of times, nowadays. If you do find yourself hooked on one of them again, do what the article says and immediately switch to something more positive (in other words: switch the addiction to the positive).
Overall, an exemplary article.
You need to show gratitude.
You need to look in the positive of everything, even if it feels wrong. the reason is that you are deep in shit, but thinking about shit will dig you only deeper. The only way out is a positive mind, even if it feels dishonest at the beginning.
Once you dig your way out, you’ll see the dishonesty was only perceived from your point of view when you were covered in, .. shit.
gratitude is such an important concept. it is so easy to get stuck on negative shit feelings, i think a lot has to do with the fact anger, hate, resentment and self pity are powerful feelings we can become addicted to in a sick way. you’re absolutely right on about trying to be positive even if it feels dishonest as all get out at first. but you have to. fake it till you make it.
Good advice here. I’ve always held that diet and fitness is paramount. ALL WAYS eat right and integrate exercise into every function throughout the day. It’s easier to preach than do. I used to preach that the fitness industry was a sham. Like an exercise bike – WHAT IS THAT? It’s a bike that doesn’t go anywhere. For the same money you could get a top quality mountain bike. A REAL BIKE. What if you have to go somewhere? A hamster wheel exercise bike is just that – it gets you nowhere. If you’re going to spend money on food, if you’re going to burn those calories, hell get a job as a bike courier. At least make some money while pedaling . . . Or free weights. Lifting up and down and up and down and what have you accomplished? You could have lifted 100 squares of roofing onto your roof and re-roofed your house already . . . Another is jogging. Think about it, the only thing that runs round and round in circles is A CHICKEN WITH ITS HEAD CUT OFF. When you run. INTEGRATE IT WITH GAME. Spend your running time CHASING WOMEN. Always kill as many birds with one stone by INTEGRATING workout with work (or wookie).
Diet is another thing. Me, I’ve been through LTR’s with women who were REAL SHIT EATERS. I mean THEY ATE SHIT for diet. I had to keep my own healthy food to myself because she wouldn’t eat anything green or containing vitamin B. I finally put my foot down and ordered that she only eat her junk food DOPE in the bathroom BY HERSELF and not in front of me or the kids. It was setting a bad example. She agreed she had a shit eating problem and obliged. She sneaks bites around the corner I think, but we never see her in the act now. The receipts say she’s actually cut back. WOW ! . . . MEN on the other hand have to hit the wall and have vital components of their body actually start BREAKING DOWN or falling off before they start thinking twice about the processed crap they poke in their hole. Lance Armstrong was mind over matter incarnate, but I heard he ate junk food in his earlier years. Sure you can burn junk carbs for quick energy, BUT A FUCKING TWINKIE BURNS FILTHY. It is like a TIRE FIRE burning within your body, absolutely FILTHY POLLUTION. Pure cane sugar actually burns cleaner. For me it’s like a rocket fuel boost but only works AFTER I’ve warmed up.
i like articles like these because they remind men its okay to get knocked down.
increased exercise and vitamin intake tend to help me deal with hard times. stress is an incredible force and we don’t realize how taxing it can be on our system, and as men we are trained to ignore stress (or other uncomfortable feelings) and just man up, rub some dirt on it and move on. this is the reason for many people having to enter recovery programs because they become so used to changing their feelings in unhealthy ways.
feel your feelings, recognize them and in the long run you will be better for it because you will be better equipped to control your emotions later, because they won’t be unfamiliar.
Hi Jefe, thanks for writing and posting this. It’s exactly what I needed to read right now.
Really wanna get out of a slump? Try something new..Go find some excitement.. And goodness gracious go find some new hot pussy to play with
Regarding #2, it is important to know what your “fundamentals” even are before you get into a slump!
A while back I made a quick list of Core Values and any time I feel myself in a slump I’ll pick one of my 6 values (usually the easiest) and do something pertaining to it right then. Then I’ll do another and another (same day or across a few days) until I have covered all 6. By the time I’m done I feel much more like myself.
Good stuff. Most of us, I believe, find it harder to give up old bad habits than take up new ones. Starting an exercise regime is easier than changing the rubbish diet you’ve been on for years.
I second the advice to replace an old bad habit with a new productive one. If you just “give up video games” that take up a massive part of your time, you will quickly find yourself bored and relapse back into old habits. Instead, read something. Anything that interests you is bound to have a truckload of relevant non-fiction.
There is also an ENORMOUS amount to be learned about life and the world around us through quality, addictive, easy-to-read fiction. Go to the library and look around. You will find something.
Now top reading this post and go distract yourself with some positivity!