In life there are situations that cause you to “flinch.”
Someone throws a punch at you. A girl “shit-tests” you. Your boss disrespects you in front of your team.
These “flinch” moments are true tests of your character and confidence. Your reaction in these moments is crucial.
Do you give into your underlying fears, flinch, and flee from the conflict or breakdown and lose control? Or do you stay cool, maintain focus, and react calmly in accordance to your own self-interests and personal values.
Over the past few years I’ve been training in Muay Thai, and I’ve come to see the “flinch” reaction people experience when someone throws a punch towards their face as a metaphor to the “flinch” reactions people have to other stressful situations in life.
Whether it’s approaching a girl, entering a job interview, or confronting a friend—uncomfortable moments like these are a necessary evil. If you don’t learn to face the situation head-on, avoid flinching, and carrying out your business life will be a stressful mess. In this article I’ll review the causes of the “flinch” and why it’s so important to master in your own life.
The “flinch” is natural
Oh shit! Hot girl… what do you do?
When someone throws a punch at your face, your natural instinct is to close your eyes, look away, and throw your hands up. This is a mechanism that is working to protect you…
But does it really protect you?
The answer is of course no. When people do this they basically freeze and open themselves up to being repeatedly pummeled in the face. The proper reaction would be to cover up your face, move away from the punch, and then run or attack your opponent.
The same goes for stressful social situations. When you see an attractive girl you want to talk to, your natural reaction is to “flinch” and then freeze, thinking about all the things that could go wrong before just giving in and letting the opportunity pass by. This is also a natural reaction—your nervous system is giving into the fear of rejection and social embarrassment.
Again, this is obviously not the proper reaction, assuming you actually want to meet her of course.
The “flinch” must be un-trained
It takes time and effort to “unlearn” your natural reaction
As I covered above the proper reaction to being punched is not your natural reaction. And so a big part of training to fight, in addition to learning the appropriate reaction, is taking the time to decondition the natural response.
This happens over time through sparring. After enough punches have been thrown your way, and you’ve deliberately pushed to avoid flinching, you’ll eventually reach a point where you can control that instinctive reaction.
The same goes for other stressful situations. Once you’ve forced yourself to approach a large number of women, for example, you’ll no longer flinch when a cutie strolls by you in the supermarket. Sure, you’re going to let a lot of opportunities pass you along the way, because of the flinch reaction—that’s inevitable.
But you’ll slowly un-train your fearful response until you’re able proceed without hesitation, approach her confidently, and ask her out.
Your reaction to these “flinch” moments defines you
Fight or flight? Or neither?
Because these “flinch” reactions are natural, and we must all take the time to desensitize ourselves to their stranglehold, how you react in these situations says a lot about where you are in life.
Just because you “flinch” and get your ass beat in a fight or pussy out of making the approach doesn’t mean you’re a worthless pussy. It simply means you haven’t taken the time to detrain the flinch and face the music.
And when you see a man who’s able to control himself when the shit hits the fan, it’s key to recognize that he’s likely experienced enough similar situations in the past to the point where he can control his reaction and proceed with logic and purpose.
Repetition is the fastest route to confidence. Find a quick way to face any fear that’s holding you back – then do it over and over again. This is a key part of developing as a man. Start sparring in a martial art. Start approaching 5 girls a day. This is the fastest way to become courageous and overcome the “flinch.”
Read More: How To Free Yourself From The Need For Women
One of the keys to breaking the reflex is that you can set the tempo instead of it being imposed on you. If you feel like things are progressing at a pace you can’t respond well to, learn effective ways to find a moment to collect yourself before taking your true action.
I find just a few minutes is the difference between a crash and burn or success. Most situations do not require split second timing.
Indeed. Really good fighters force the opponent to respond to their rhythm.
Says TJ, the boxing champ.
Nope, just an ardent fan of the sport =)
I acknowledge the analogy here but being a great fighter isn’t going to automatically translate over to making you less fearful or a success in every other aspect of life.
yes, but being a pussy WILL go a long way towards making sure you are a failure in every other aspect of your life.
True, MikeTyson’s a good example.
Hmmm.
The job interview is a good example.
As a contractor I’ve had so many that they don’t phase me one bit. I’ve had 3 in one afternoon. I’ve walked out of loads midway through if I got a shitty vibe or any attitude
I sometimes remind myself that years ago I’d literally be sat on the shitter an hour beforehand
Yeah, same here… Done so many, I don’t care. I also know they need me and not the other way around. I was on the other side many times as well, interviewing people, so I know very well how this works…
I agree with you, if you get a bad vibe during the interview, that’s not a place you want to work at anyway. It never fails.
I walked out of one 5 or 6 weeks ago. I could tell that one of the interviewers, (who would be my line leader’s boss so 2 levels “above” me) was a total tool and I’d end up laying him out in the first week.
I simply said “excuse me, I don’t think this will work out”. And asked to be shown the door. Their faces were a classic.
Later on I got a call from the 3rd party recruiter who asked me what happened and I explained the above. He said “oh shit, not again”.
Apparently this company ran a stupid good cop — bad cop routine in their interviews, but were not yet accustomed to the fact that contract workers hold the cards. I was the 4th person since November to tell them to go whistle in one way or another.
Idiots
I hate these stupid jokes they play with people. It shows how fucked up (self centered) some people are. They play with other people’s lives like they think they’re God. Motherfuckers, are nothing. Just another office drone.. You’ve been nice. I would have fucking trashed them before I left.
When I am on the other side, it’s very simple. You either know your stuff or you don’t. Furthermore, even if you don’t know (because nobody does), it doesn’t mean you are rejected. There are many other things I take into account..
I don’t remember flinching at a woman, who did?
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Hello, I really like this site, but recently i found very stange thing. Some of your articles are promoting more or less mgtow, red pill thing and such. Yet there are articles about how to date girls, pick up girls etc. What really is this site about?
It’s about having enough information to make your own intelligent decisions.
gracias. gracias
Umm.. you are welcome? I am not really sure what you are thanking me for.
for a great answer to just’s dumb question
We need more muscle building articles from you Jefe! We seriously ran out of things criticise on this website!
Great post Jefe, as one Roman once said “Few men are born brave, many become so through training and force of discipline.”
The difference between a master and a beginner is that the master has failed more times.
Wisdom in it’s purest form ! Thank you man !
I have dealt with these flinch moments a lot in my life. I always thought that I was alone and everybody else seem to just “get” how life worked while I walked around feeling as a alien when it came to everything. Posts like these showed I wasn’t alone in my dealings.
Getting rid of these FM when it comes to women will help you in ways you couldn’t believe. Because once you deal with that, everything else in life will greatly increase your chances. If you are able to chill when it comes to a hot girl and not let her take you off track, nobody else will be able to cause you to flinch at all. You just defeated one of the greatest threats in your life when it comes to just being able to talk to a chick. You knock that off your list and you will be flowing after that. What was once a distant goal is now obtainable and crossed off your list. You can now focus on much more better and bigger dreams besides being a slave to the P.
Always remember that these chicks are simply for everybody. This world is for everybody. Nothing but having kids truly belongs to you. There is no exclusivity in 2015. Especially when it comes to the pussy. If you want to marry her then by all means do so it is your choice. Just understand the consequences you will being dealing with if your game isn’t as sharp as a blade. Learn to conquer the flinch and master the art of staying calm and cool under any stress. It does define you until you decide to define it yourself. Women and life will write their own story if you let it. You can either be apart of it or stay the fuck back on the sidelines. My guess for you is to create your own world and let them come to YOU. Never let anyone define and decide your ONE life on this planet. Especially a woman.
Learn to stop flinching by understanding if not her, then another one will come. All in all, these chicks are for everybody in 2015. Grab one and enjoy the show. If you want to do more with it, just make sure she is worth the encore.
http://associationofchronos.com/2015/04/19/nofliter-these-girls-are-for-everybody/
Excellent post
Well said. Another thing to remember is that if the woman likes you, she’s likely as scared as you are.
Agree, I also do Muay Thai since a few weeks.
What works for me the best to not be affected by it, apart from training but also through it, is to learn to not focus on (expected) pain, but focus on the desired goal. Away from “help, I’ll get punched” to “I want to punch this guy”.
To see opposition in life not as something that needs to be defended against, but as a permit to go into offense yourself.
It’s funny no matter how hard life gets, I can always laugh at the bitter stock boy at Walmart who has a worse life than I do.
What about having empathy towards others?
Empathy does not equate to sympathy. Sure, I can understand why a person might want to mouth off to me, but that doesn’t change the fact that any individual who rises up against me has no worth or value in my eyes.
Extremely important article, that touches not one great aspect consisting of physical confrontation (factor which every male will be faced to deal with sooner or later in life) but also the element of self mastery covered by Q. Curtius in his article http://www.returnofkings.com/60285/pantheon-adventures-in-history-biography-and-the-mind.
Can one man undo what has been done in his lifetime ? Can a man untie the knots made in his perception and life-view ? Can one man build himself for greatness ?
YES HE CAN. But he must identify initially what holds him back from mentally stepping into the next level. He must deconstruct his old self and start building his new self with new traits, skilss, discipline & routines that will eventually become his reality. The world is as we are, deconstructable and constructable. We are in a point in history like no other, when people have access to worldwide information and when they can elolve as a species.
It would be an incredible waste of life not to take advantage of this Divine oportunity and grab fate by the throat and demand what we want from it.
As one great personna said ,,The dream, it ain’t coming no closer than this, now we gotta’ run after it” – Carlito Brigante.
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“Just because you “flinch” and get your ass beat in a fight or pussy out of making the approach doesn’t mean you’re a worthless pussy.”
Haha couldn’t stop laughing.