Life Lessons From A Dog

Back before I knew any better, I got myself into a serious long-term relationship with a dysfunctional girl who was so fucked up she probably deserves an article of her own. Among the many mistakes I made—apart from moving in with her, signing a lease, and co-mingling our assets and liabilities—was getting a dog with her.

Circumstances had it that I was (temporarily) neither in school or working, which meant I was sitting my ass home most of the day with a friendly and rambunctious Labrador Retriever puppy. With little else to do, the dog quickly became my full-time project. I became obsessed with behavioral training, reading as much as I could get my hands on, and testing it on my dog on a daily basis. We’d go on super-long walks in the middle of the day. We’d play endless games of fetch and chase-the-master. We’d waste away entire days carrying around tree branches, wandering around looking for trouble, and replenishing ourselves in public drinking fountains. The icing on the cake was this all happened in a lush, green suburban paradise. In retrospect, it was one of the most idyllic periods of my life.


It wasn’t long before me and that dog were communicating on a different level. When she’d act out, all I had to do was look at her a certain way and take a step in her direction to have her stop. She knew every possible command, understood never to tighten the slack on the leash, and would even not start eating—despite her bowl being on the floor—until I gave the go-ahead. I fed her the best food, brushed her coat regularly, and even brushed her teeth. Her prize-dog looks, friendliness, and impeccable training made her a hit with everyone she met. People loved my dog—and I did too.

Inevitably, among the people who would your-dog-is-so-cute-I-want-to-pet-her me were hot girls. These were girls who not only put the chick I was shacked up with to shame, but were also a cut above the hottest girls in my various social circles. The experience of talking to higher-quality girls in such an effortless way quickly demystified them to me, and gave me a valuable lesson that would come in handy sooner than I imagined. Unwittingly, my dog was teaching me things, but these lessons didn’t stop at dog training or the immense power of the wing-dog. These were life lessons. Nearly all of them came down to uncanny similarities between people and animals. Implementing these lessons permanently changed all of my social interactions, but especially my “romantic” ones.

The first thing you say doesn’t matter.

At first, girls approached me, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that I could instigate an opening myself. I’d let my dog sniff girls and then “apologize,” rambling on about how she’s friendly or was originally trained as “drug-sniffing dog” and was probably alerting me to something. If the girl was far away, like at the park, I’d let my dog off leash, give her a little tap on the side, and let her take care of some distance for us. It was only a matter of time before my conversations with girls went from dog-related banter to personal stuff.


We’re governed, first and foremost, by our instincts.

My dog was very intelligent for a dog. She could even open doors and undo safety locks. But, despite that, the most effective way to communicate with her was still good old-fashioned reward-and-punishment conditioning. Most people will tell you that humans are different, but any guy who’s been with a lot of girls will start nodding yes before you even finish saying that the same rules apply to women.

We like and seek out predictability.

Dogs are astute observers of patterns and routines. They quickly settle into habits—for better or worse—that are hard to break. They become uncomfortable or suspicious around sudden change or the unfamiliar. Girls are exactly the same. Short-circuiting this mechanism remains a key feature of my first-date game and, if you stop and think about it, probably yours too.

Like canines, the happiest women have structure and firm-hand leadership in their lives.

My dog was the happiest animal you’d ever meet. She was treated with affection and respect, so long as she extended the same. She was strictly prohibited from doing certain things, but that didn’t stop her from trying to get on the couch, chew on things, or tug on the leash. I corrected every one of those transgressions, lest they become habits. While she still periodically challenged my leadership, she came to accept a certain order and exchange. This made her into a delight to be around, to everyone she encountered.

Over time, I came to see the close correlation between effective dog management and effective leadership to such a degree, that—to this day—I automatically lose respect for a man with a poorly behaved dog. You can be sure he’s bad with women and children.


Ironically, the greatest service my dog ever rendered was convincing me to change my life. She introduced me to better-looking chicks, gave me vital foundational game, and—by demonstrating, through contrast, just how much worse my day became the moment my “girlfriend” came home—exposed the biggest problem in my life. While making the decision to break up with the girl, I also had the grave realization that—still jobless and with nothing but a friend’s couch to crash on in another part of the state—the dog would have to stay.

I never saw the girl or my dog again.

Read More: 8 Signs You Should Break Up With A Girl

38 thoughts on “Life Lessons From A Dog”

  1. I’m really sorry to hear about you losing your dog. I’ve been told that the bond women think that they have with their children not only exists but is many times stronger between a man and his dog.

  2. This is sad as hell. The dog was a true friend. They always say a dog is man’s best friend…and this is why. They are the only creatures capable of giving men respect. I guess that this is also the reason why pokemon was so popular with little boys, because the pokemon share the same characteristics as dogs.

  3. My dog will not eat or get on the bed until I give him the go-ahead. My girlfriend won’t do anything until I say it’s okay (I pretty much run her life) and she says she prefers it that way.
    Am I a control freak? No. But it’s easier on both of us this way.

  4. Wow dude, you’re pretty pathetic. You left the dog?
    I forgot who you were until I got to the end and saw your weak resolve to leave your best friend. I went through the rest of your posts and found the one I thought might be yours…
    You’re the same poster that blamed America’s problems on corporations and tried to get us to be cool with fiscally liberal ideologies. I knew this had to be you. Apparently at that point in your life you lacked the ability to generate wealth and thus developed the toxic ideology that the government should do it for you.
    I’m glad you at least took responsibility for your own failure in this case instead of blaming others or society for losing your dog. I sincerely hope since then you have manned the fuck up, not for women, but for yourself.

    1. In defense of the OP, if I had no home or job I’d also leave the dog behind because I have no means caring for it. The dog’s better off in a stable home; meanwhile, I can work on getting myself back on my feet.

    2. Did you actually read the liberal post he wrote? He wasn’t asking for handouts, or higher taxes, or certain groups to take blame. Continue your oppo research… maybe you’ll find something to twist his story further.

      1. From the post:
        “the average man (and member of manosphere) has, would, and will benefit from wide array of the progressive politics of an activist state”
        I too identify as a masculine conservative. I have endured threats of government action and imprisonment for my lifestyle. Roosh, I am surprised you would not also take issue with advocacy towards an activist state. No one that takes ultimate responsibility for their actions and fate would ever believe that the state knows what’s best for you.
        “I don’t like the idea that General Electric pays no income tax”
        Why should their taxes be higher? The message I usually read through the lines is; they have money whereas I don’t.
        To reiterate my point; I found it a travesty that someone would have such love for an innocent creature yet fail to develop the virtues needed to protect that bond. Instead, when times got tough, he bailed. I come to this forum for testaments of manhood. This post stood out as the exact opposite. I read through his others I found the liberal post which made all the more sense that he would hold such views.

        1. Good points Norok!
          Tuthmosis writes he does not like to see “so many things made in China”. I dont like it eighter. But he fails to understand that big goverment did in fact create this problem. Regulations, taxes all make products more expensive. It is not the minimum wage that makes companies in EU/USA outsource to asia – it is the bureaucratic burden and taxes that big goverment puts on their shoulders.
          The idea of big goverment is always to empower the sheep at the expense of wolfes. I dont like that – you do Tuthmosis, so the question remains; are you a sheep Tuthmosis?

    3. Unjustified criticism. I think you’re projecting onto the writer things that he never said. He’s simply relating a pedagogical story, a life experience.

      1. the criticism is very constructive and clearly this story is not a paradigm of masculinity… I cannot consider a healthy man the least bit masculine if he is so deficient in wit and strength of character that he is unable to even secure ownership of a pet that loves him… this website can grow into something truly empowering if the writers can also improve their personal shortcomings via exposure to feedback, evolving into better spreaders of the masculine message, etc…

  5. Too true.
    On the other hand, be careful of making too many connections between dogs and girls. Unlike girls, dogs are simple creatures, like we me. As long as they’re fed, have a place to sleep, can play, aren’t neglected or abused, and know their place from the get-go, you’ll have a happy dog on your hands, and one that will provide you with the same respect and happiness.
    Dogs won’t fall prey to fashion, groupthink, or feminist ideology, and will never suffer from cognitive dissonance. They’ll also stay with their offspring and not use that offspring as a weapon to satisfy their selfish desires.

  6. If I had a choice between keeping a dog and a gal…I’d take the dog.
    They may not smell as nice…but they are loyal.

  7. Great post! Dogs are loyal creatures sometimes more loyal than human. The Japanese dog Hachiko waited for his owner for 10 years after his owner past away. Even when his owners not there to feed him still loyal.

    1. The story of Hachiko is one of the greatest animal stories ever told. Among an already loyal species, the Akita is exceptionally loyal. I’d seriously consider getting one as my next dog.

      1. Amusing side note: the bronze Hachiko dog statute in metropolitan Tokyo is an often-used meeting place for dates. Right near the subway. Good memories for me,..the launching point of many dates…

  8. This is now my new hypothesis on why I have never met a woman who could train a dog. Sad to hear about losing the dog, I was in a similar situation where I moved in and we wanted to get a dog. Broke up and lost the dog, I ended up not being sad about the breakup but about losing an fiercely loyal friend.

  9. When you started talking about the dog as “she”, I at first thought you were referring to the girlfriend. Heh.

  10. dog: gives love trust and obedience. receives: abandonment
    girlfriend: gives unparalled bitchery. receives: perfect dog
    lesson?? not what you thought

  11. good post.
    but in the beginning you said that getting a dog with your ex was one of the many mistakes you made. i disagree. think about what your life would be like now if you hadn’t gotten the dog, if you hadn’t learned everything you learned while spending time with the dog.
    and yes, you lost the dog in the end, but you also realize now that you can always get another dog. just like you can always get another girl.
    this wasn’t a mistake, it was a milestone.

  12. “I also had the grave realization that—still jobless and with nothing but a friend’s couch to crash on in another part of the state—the dog would have to stay.”
    “I never saw the girl or my dog again.”
    I’m pretty sure the girlfriend kept the dog out of spite. She isn’t going to do half the stuff Tuthmosis did with the dog.
    If the dog could talk she would probably say, “Take me with you! Don’t leave me with this crazy bitch!”

    1. There’s a second half to this story, for sure. I basically had no where to put the dog, since I was crashing in a tiny, urban apartment where my hosts wouldn’t allow me to bring a dog. Not only that, the dog was technically both of ours–I’d just done all the work. But, I had worked out an arrangement to visit my dog with the chick. Needless to say, things soured and she went on radio silence soon after I moved out. Not long after that, she moved out of the state, taking my dog with her. Like I said at the outset, this was “back before I knew better.” I was green. I googled the chick a while back and she’d launched a company named after the dog. I shit you not.

      1. She named a company after the dog?
        Man, that’s fucked up.
        Women really know how to hurt a guy.

        1. The chick was a cunt, to be sure, but I doubt she did it for that purpose. She loved that dog because she was an angel, thanks to my training.
          As a man, you have to know how to deal with loss. I might miss that dog from time to time, but I can appreciate that I got something good from my time with her and that she’s in (relatively) good hands.

  13. The difference between having a dog and a woman is that you can train your dog even if you’ve let things lapse. Your dog won’t judge you or hold grudges, it will just behave badly if you don’t reign it in.
    people in general tend to make quick first assumptions about you, take little time to really know your true qualities, and then categorize you.
    this can happen in school, work, friendships and especially in relationships…. in school i rapidly became the ‘troublemaker’ and never got the benefit of the doubt, although over time people came to find me the loveable troublemaker, the category was fixed for my 5 years in that school.
    friends think you’re smart or rich, or the guy that will buy them drinks or a bit downbeat or conservative, it’s hard to break that categorization.
    women never stop categorizing…. the proverbial shit test….first they get enamored, they fall in love, they paint a false picture, this is fine when dating, but living together, they start peeling away layers of their own illusions and adding to the categories. Once you”re the angry guy, or the weak guy that gives in, or the apologetic guy, or the one who’ll run to the corner shop for her, your more or less screwed.
    you get more and more boxed in with her categories…. until you’re her pet male servant and she’s fucking the hunky neighbor….

    1. As Heinlein said: women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

  14. Not directly related, but an unusually intelligent homeless dude with a black lab in San Francisco, once gave me a half hour speech about how the only dogs that are happy in today’s society, are those that belong to homeless dudes, since those are the only ones that get to be with their master 24/7.

  15. “I never saw the girl or my dog again.”
    I thought you were going to finish the tale with the life lessons of having to put her to sleep when the time came. Somehow this was worse.

  16. when my dog of 13 got so bad he could hardly walk – I had a red kids wagon that I would put him in and wheel him through the city. He would sit and chill and enjoy his ride the grassy spot in the city. It was amazing how many women would start conversations and keep going…..
    I call this red wagon dog game 🙂

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