True Friendship Is About Tough Love

“Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.” -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

My best friends are assholes. Whenever they see an opening to berate me and talk down to me, they not only strike viciously, but effectively. They are well-versed in the guerilla warfare that is shit talk. Innovative, ruthless, and accurate in their ability to destroy my spirit and ego, they stop at nothing to beat me down and bring me back to reality. For this I am blessed.

Anyone can pretend to listen to you and tell you the things you want to hear to make you feel better about your adorable little problems. It’s a temporary patch that heals nothing and just strokes your ego. Your best friends are the ones who will rip into you and tell you the truth and what you need to hear. They won’t sugar coat it, but there will be plenty of whisky to help out.

You could be moping around, feeling sorry for yourself because Betty Sue won’t return your phone calls. You thought she was darn special didn’t you? Your friends don’t understand the heart break you’re going through. She’s a fucking unique snow flake and the prettiest of them all. She may be the love of your life. Damn, are you reading that? You see how pathetic you sound? That’s bitch talk.

If your friends are true friends, they will listen to your little bitchfest, but probably give you three, four minutes tops until they tell you stop being a pussy. That they didn’t know you were on your period and you should probably go to Walmart and get the premium brand of tampons to stop your heavy bleeding. No, in fact, your crimson tide is so heavy that you need to go to Costco and buy in bulk. They thought Betty Sue was a bitch any ways and thus, you shouldn’t be grieving for her.

You’re being a lazy, fat fuck who is apathetic about his future? You lack the self-awareness to recognize the useless piece of shit you’ve become? Don’t worry, your best friends will let you know how truly worthless you are. They’ll let you know that the path you’re on is leading you nowhere and that you’re wasting your life.

Don’t even think you gaining those ten extra pounds will go unnoticed. You think your boys are going to pass up the chance to ridicule you for being a lard ass? It will be such exquisite treat for them to mock you as your once mediocre body spirals downward into something resembling a potato sack with arms.

There are two reason they do this. One: it’s fun to pick you apart and break you down. Two: they care about you. They want you to toughen up and not let a simple woman have so much control over your emotions. They want you to be successful and live up to your potential as a man. They don’t want to see you spinning your wheels forever. They want you to move forward and make something out of yourself.

They’re your best friends because you have a deep connection forged by years of shared experiences and tomfoolery. You’ve grown up together and seen each other at highs and lows. They know what you are and are not capable of. It pisses them off when you’re not living up to your true potential, so they do shame you into—hopefully—doing something with your meager existence.

When you do actually start doing something to better yourself, they’ll be your biggest fans and supporters. If you start taking writing seriously, they’ll read every piece of shit article you write, hoping that you’ll eventually write something readable. If you take your musical talents seriously, they’ll be at your shows alongside your mom and no one else. When you decide to go back to school, they’ll warn you not to major in a worthless degree like they did.

There are a lot of men out there who don’t have close friends. If you’re lucky enough to have a few key men you can depend on no matter what, you’re way above the curve. The tough love they dish out comes with it. You truly need and want men who are honest with you, even brutally so. If not, you may as well be friends with gossipy chicks who will be your best friends to your face and talk shit behind your back.

Read More: Men Love Commitment

92 thoughts on “True Friendship Is About Tough Love”

  1. I got a friend who despite being English, knows that he is selling his own countrymen out for outsourcing their jobs to other countries. He gets a six figure salary for doing this and whilst being somewhat of a natural leader, has lost this trait over time due to following someone else’s Agenda. I am opposed to what he does as he leads his fellow citizens into poverty and yet this person quite possibly has some redeeming traits.
    I am not a perfect person myself and am Christian and so do believe in repentance (this is not to denigrate peoples of other religions or aethists). Whilst this man has been closer to me than my brother in my past, even if my brother were to commit such acts, I would eventually cut him out of my life. To walk away is the toughest thing of all, but it is a true man’s path, if a relationship or situation does not suit him.
    I guess what I am trying to say is that honesty is important and ultimately people will respect you for it, but you must pick and choose your battles. Many people will initially reject you for what you say. Sometimes its better to say nothing at all – it depends on the situation. I might be honest with my friend as to why I can no longer be friends with him, however, it will not salvage our friendship as he has been changed by years of doing the ‘wrong’ thing. Because he didn’t need the money. It is in his character to do such things and so I could be honest with him, that creates even more tension, or I could just cut him out as it doesn’t ultimately make a difference either way.
    I do not disagree with the fact that male friends should be honest with each other when called upon by their friend as to their perspective on any topic. This is fundamentally being male.

    1. This would be an “awesome” article if it was written for some chick blog. Guys know this shit already.

  2. Raul, you are a writer, not a “Mexican-American” writer. I say this with utmost respect as my dad could be called “Mexican-American”. At the old folks home he is living at in Zenith, Ohio, they found out he was fluent in Spanish. There is a resident there who could not speak English, so they brought her to my dad’s room to get some translation. She talked to him for a half-hour but did not convey anything personal needing translation, apparently just wanted to check out his bona-fides. She is 96 years old.
    For many years after he retired, Pops served as translator for the Zenith County courts, assisting the occasional migrant worker in dealing with legal matters.
    I stole one of his many stories and made a Spearhead post out of it : “A Trip to the Brothel”.
    I visit him about every day now as he is near the end. He talks a lot about his youth in Mexico and the mining towns near the border. Drunken constables, belligerent miners, then a stint as mail clerk at the Biltmore Hotel in Los Angeles, where he met Judy Garland. Apparently when he was a kid his family lived next to a “hotel” that serviced the miners, with the madame stopping by frequently to have tea and cake with his mom. “Those chippies are young and pretty, but wait until their asses fall out.” he quotes her with smile.

      1. Ol’ Uncle Elmer is trying to say a man should describe himself by what he does, not who he is.

      2. Well, if it is of no use to you, then I will point out that the “” hyperlink in your byline just links back to ROK. That’s what friends are for.

        1. I looked over your site. Some good stuff. I liked the part where you called yourself “Fernando” to help your game in nailing divorcees. You gotta play to your strengths, not your weaknesses.
          Also I am 6’3″ and can’t shoot a hoop to save my life. Black fellows think that is just hilarious. But I am a better dancer than they are, which annoys them to no end.

        2. Are you sure you’re thinking of me? I do use that name on occasion as a joke, because Raul is exotic enough name. I don’t recall writing about that in my blog though.

        3. I was thinking of this, which is probably before your time :

          Certainly that is what the divorcees have in mind.

      1. He cut me zero slack, so I suppose he was a true friend though I didn’t appreciate that when I was younger. After the war, he was a CIA operative in Germany and Spain until reassigment back to the Air Force. He claimed that people took him for a native no matter what country he was in. Later in Spain (around 1959), he dealt with a man calling himself “Juan Sanchez”, who actually was Léon Degrelle, the former Belgian Nazi party boss, see “Refuge and Scandals” here :

  3. Spot on Raul. What you’re pointing out works with guys with alpha mindsets that have been in a few scrapes, failed a few times, gotten broken down to nothing, and gotten back up to keep thriving. The dudes that have been raised in the “everyone gets a trophy for showing up” culture can’t handle the dynamic and it’s amazing watching them lose their minds when someone gives them unvarnished feedback for the first time. They will try and find everyone else in the world to blame and just can’t compute. An alpha just says “yeah, I fucked up” or “yeah, she’s a hog” or “yeah, I’m a fatass and need to get back on it” and then gets back on it, usually with a little competition or challenge to the rest of his crew on the subject at hand.

    1. Taking responsibility and owning up to your fuck ups its the quickest way man. I fuck up all the time. ALL THE TIME. It makes you a more respectable man if you fuck and own up to it, instead of trying to weasel out of it and find someone or something to blame.

  4. Great article Raul! I think that is very true, men need contact with masculinity.

    1. Tough love#1: fuck off tate. You’re just a christian pussy cunt.
      “What does Christian have to do with it?”
      Tough love#2: With a couple exceptions the people here are whinging beta pussies who try and pump their chest via the keyboard. I love trolling this site just to see who’s the biggest beta of you “alphas.”
      Tough love#3: Have you seen a photo of Roosh? Enough said.

      1. Go back and reread the article, friend. Tough love only counts as such when offered as something constructive, not as an excuse to talk down better man than yourself from the safety of the internet. You shoulda listened to your mother all those years ago – “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” Take a moment to extricate that stick from your colon (and whatever other foreign objects there may be), and chill the hell out.

        1. There was constructive stuff there, if you read between the lines.
          1. Stop being a christian and live your life unshackled.
          2. Understand that most of the comments made here are by loser betas who pretend to have game, so take everything with a pinch of salt.
          3. Roosh is a false idol.
          So how’s that not constructive?

        2. So we should take the advice of females now? I thought this was the beacon of masculinity here.
          Besides what is considered constructive is how you take the message. Either I’m a prick looking to massage my ego…or trying to help the ill get better. I’m like Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross.

        3. If you can’t take the abuse here…how can you take the abuse on a sit?!?!?! You don’t like it…leave.

        4. Then say that. Wasn’t too hard was it? Whether or not it’s anything original is another story, but I appreciate the turn of honesty.

        5. How clever of you. Amazing you could come up with that while engaging Earl in that little minuet about his virginity. Deal straight or don’t deal at all, no one’s got time for your games. I’m done here.

        6. Tell you in black and white got it.
          When somebody insults me…they tell me everything I need to know about them.

  5. I agree with this message, but millenials are so soft today with such fragile egos that even mild criticism will get you labeled a “hater” or “jealous.” Friendships have devolved into what women do with the mindless complimenting and “you go girl” support even for incorrect behavior.

    1. Such as suggesting pre-martial sex isn’t in the best interest of the guy.
      I must be jealous of all those players getting some and am expressing my sexual frustration.
      Or perhaps I see what happens to a woman’s mindset of the guy when he can’t control his urges after one of her tests.
      There’s more to being beta than just submitting to her emotions.

        1. Would you prefer a kinder, gentler language?
          Breath in, breath out.
          Protecting hands.

        2. Man up, dude. Got something to say, say it. Stop talking out of your vagina.

        3. Since one word is being focused on…I wonder why the second part is being left out.

        4. I better stop…my dick might get so big I will make everyone jealous.
          Just kidding…I am as pure as white snow.

    2. Probably the main reason even Gen Xers like myself find it hard to make new, and core male friends. The softness is just subconsciously repulsive.

    3. Since you said it, here’s a Soft test for you roosh:
      1. Do you think your youtube videos come off as completely beta? Or do you think they come off as Omega?
      2. When you look in the mirror do you think, “Man, I look like a middle-easter paedophile,” or do you think, “I should just kill myself now?”
      3. Do you think the minority of people here know you and your stories are fake? Or do you think the majority know it?
      End of soft test. So… am I banned? Or can you handle that criticism?

      1. This is not really tough love lol. Those questions make you look like an overly critical asshole. He said “mild” criticism. And this is your soft test bro? You hypothetically don’t even sound like a friend at all.
        Tough love is supposed to be pulling your friend away from going down what you believe to be a destructive path.
        Your friend has oneitis for a girl that you know is unfaithful? May have to break the news to him.
        Drinking and drug problem out of hand? Tell him he is fucking up and help guide him back to the right of life for him and your friendship.
        Asking a guy if he thinks he should kill himself is no friend.

        1. “Asking a guy if he thinks he should kill himself is no friend.”

        2. If it was the only thing you asked yes. But this is a 2 part question coming from you. Asking someone what they think about themself is not helping them. Its like me asking a girl “have you ever considered that you might be a whore”. Its passive aggressive. In other words, bitch behavior.

      2. Nope, that’s not how tough love works. It’s clear you’re just trying to come up with stuff to make him feel bad just because you enjoy making him feel bad, not because you actually want to give him constructive criticism. Your anger and hate seeps through and makes you sound like a bitch. Men don’t throw cat-fights. That’s the difference. Women boil inside but smile on the surface; men can say the nastiest things without it being personal.

    4. What did you expect, look who they vote for, what they stand for, OWS??? Look at the amount of young emasculated males. I reckon this came to be because their Baby Boomer parents coddled them too much. I’m a millennial but I’m at least old enough (and not weak like they are) to know when times where still kind of good for men.
      Now a day’s I don’t know what this country has to offer for a head strong, red pill, masculine male.

    5. For the most part, I agree. But there’s a limit to shit-talking someone. Playfully telling someone they’re about as useful as a bag of dildos is good, But seriously telling someone that they suck or need to change is not. It’s been my experience that unless people ask for help or advice, they don’t really want it from you. The best advice is from Candide, “We must tend to our own gardens.”
      Because most of the time, you can’t really help people. Most of the time, they have to figure it out for themselves. I’d say giving people the latitude to do that, while getting your own shit in order is a better strategy.

        1. Tough love: comedy’s not your forte. It fact writing useful articles isn’t either. If you’re gonna write at least tell us something that isn’t common knowledge.

        2. Not trolling this time, just being honest. If you can’t take it, then why’d you write an article about it.

        3. With that statement itself you’ve missed the point. I respect what my friends and peers have to say, because I trust them. You, as an anonymous source of criticism hold zero bargaining power because you post like a coward, with no way to verify who you are. In order for criticism to be taken seriously one must respect the source. You as a source of criticism have proven to be nothing more than trollish at best.

        1. That depends on who ask. Some sociologist say the late 70’s. But it’s more of an individual mindset than anything. I believe Gen Xer’s are quite forgetful how little the baby boomers and the The Greatest Generation thought of you guys when you were coming of age. Remember, Baby Boomer fucked up the economy and the the greatest generations are the one bleeding our social security system dry. Gen Xer are the ones who are under water on their mortgages. Gen Y inherited all your problems. Some chose to be bitches about it, and other chose to step up.

    6. thats broads though dude. if dudes act like that around me they can get the fuck on.

    7. My problem is that most guys I run into confuse sarcasm with being an ass hole. They think they are being clever, when in reality they don’t understand that hey are not being original. They justify it by saying they have it hard or they are just frustrated. Isn’t being a friend about telling them what they need of hear when they are wrong AND supporting them in times of need?
      Why is bashing on everyone considered appropriate friend or not?
      My friends don’t take out their frustration on me, they don’t call me a hater for telling them the truth because they know I say things to help them.
      I’m not disagreeing with you. I think the reason for all the sarcasm is the “weak ego,” you mentioned. I could care less what others think about me, but when it’s my friends I know they mean well. They act the same.

  6. Excellent article Raul. It felt like you were talking about my group of friends, bless their dark douchey souls.

  7. What a great and improtant article. So many of us say we want honesty, but how many of us can handle it when it comes our way? Giving someone tough love is difficult because you risk losing a friend. Even if it appears like that friend is wecloming your criticism, you just never now how they are going to react to that in the long term.

    1. You shouldn’t give something you can’t dish out. If your skin is soft, then you’re ego and self-confidence is soft. There are also different levels of friendships. Some dudes are you main group, your core. Others, you hang with on occasion A strong friendship doesn’t forge overnight, but rather with time and shared experiences. The core are the ones you can depend on to be honest and honest to.

  8. I think all the writers here are awesome. But the commenters… Yeesh.
    Anyway, keep up the good work and ignore the trollstorm.

  9. There are some extreme issues with today’s youth, and when I graduated High School I thought we had it bad with the social pariah as normal social skills. Yet now, I would say our average youth is highly disjointed from the world around him/her.
    They think being a social butterfly is having 600 friends or more on Facebook.
    Between the internet, constant gaming on Play station or the computer, and the pleasant bubble life of work-home-sleep-work-home-sleep routine day in and day out; the player who frequents the bar scene is now the wise man. We are screwed.
    I encourage all men here who have not been married to go cruising, get networked with other men here and go friggin learn mountain climbing and do K-2 or Everest, get a bunch of dudes together and build a yacht then sail it around the world. Friggin do something with your lives. Girls are good, but even if you become the consummate player, that alone is not enough. Eventually you will be found out.
    Your strength comes from your inner most character, and your personal fortitude comes from developing it amidst conquering great trials and inner flaws.
    Chasing girls is merely a small part, it is conquering your mountains and winning your battles that make you alpha, whatever those mountains and battles may be. Be they physical, metaphorical, or both.

    1. Exactly, I agree. Men bond best when they share activities. Don’t knock the effective power of video games though. My best friends today are my friends because we played video games together growing up and we would talk about politics our whatever while doing so. I also have friends who I ride motorcycles with.

  10. great article and so true. we have lost so much by trying to feminize men

  11. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Recently, I’ve been having trouble differentiating between banter and disrespect within a group of friends I’m as of yet not that tight with…99% of the time it is the former, but you have to call out disrespect when you receive it or risk being subject to it further. I think it’s safe to say we’ve all had experience of someone who tries to slight us to climb up the social ladder of a group – call these folks out as soon as you clock what’s going on, you’ll be a better man for it.

  12. This is truth. I don’t have a huge number of friends (this is on purpose, I prefer quality over quantity) but an upshot is that almost all are “true” friends. We are not afraid to speak truth to each other. One of these is a friend from early childhood whom I am still close with (we are both in our mid 30’s). Another is a college friend, who, on the surface, could not be more different than me. I was raised in the sprawl of Long Island, he in bumfuck Virginia. I was visiting him today and it was fun playing with each other’s children. Laugh if you want, but it was very life affirming, In a “look how much has changed, but look how far we have come” kind of way. My childhood friend and I live far apart but whenever we pick up the phone, it is as if no time has passed. At one moment we will be discussing WWII history, another, drinking at a strip club and joking about single moms. We are probably lame by most standards but comfortable in our own skin and happy. There is no pretentiousness.
    These friends and I have called each other out numerous times and it has never resulted in conflict and almost always resulted in a betterment to both parties. One commonality I’ve noticed among my friends is that none of us had brothers, but we had good, alpha male fathers as role models. I can’t think of a friend I have whose father I did not respect, not because I had to but because I wanted to. Perhaps the lack of biological brothers made us seek out non biological brothers to form those bonds.

    1. That’s great man. I hope my best friends and I could be on the same boat. I’m lucky cause I have various friends from my high school and Army days that I still keep in touch with. We are still only in our late 20’s but we’ve watched each other grow and develop as men. We could be drinking beers and talking about some stupid bitch who did us wrong, politics, racist jokes, or some the stupid shit we’ve done since we’ve last seen each other. It’s a great feeling.

  13. I dont care what u think of me or my hamstering but i dig ya. hmm. too good at expressing truths people dont love talking about in a “soft porn” sorta way that gets the point across without having to “turn the volume down”. Ive done some reading on sexuality in diff cultures and countries and how intra-sexual relationships affects their sexual behaviors.
    IE one article i read talked about “why british women are so slutty” lol ok lets go with “sexually overt”. it postulated that in Great Britain men tend to have strong male relationships, good ball-busting friends. Therefore they rely less on women for emotional bonding as they already have it at a strong level with their male cohorts. Of course they still will have the urges to procreate etc but this apparent disregard for the attentions of women in turn – turns the women into skanky, scantily clad, sexually overt, sluts. They try and grab attention w their sexuality. I dunno if its true. I dont live in Great Britain.
    However, I did bring this up with a Brit I was having one of those passion fueled 2-week met while backpacking affairs where you become ultra close ultra fast bc you cant hide the fact you have the shits when you spent every waking and unwaking moment together on broke down buses and have to fuck in bathrooms bc you share a hostel room w 4 other people.
    Anyhow, this guy was younger than I and had just come out of a serious relationship, he had only slept w 2 women, relationship hopper. He was attractive, smart a bit pretentious but what Brit isnt, jk 🙂 awesome in the sack (I find men that lean towards LTR’s generally are), athletic etc but had well, no game. He never needed, had been locked down since 18. His bud literally had to tell me to go make a move after a week of watching us do the “dance” bc he never will and you better get to him if u like him before he gets too drunk to perform (and that is y we love the Aussies). I asked him about this theory and what he said brought his seemingly odd non-aversion to showing affection to light. He said being a student of romance language most of his friends were women!
    I went totally off topic there. Yea. Anyhow, I did literally just write a comment on some post somewhere about how a transcontinental move separating me from my friends opened my eyes to a whole gaggle of various sorts of evil women! I had spent 15-20 years developing close friendships w GOOD women – who as I quote say, “yes, you look fat in that”. They have said to my face you need to stop fooling yourself, they tell you the truth bc they care and want you to be BETTER.
    They hurt you (only a pinch, like getting vaccinated, stings but good for you).to help you. Moving took me out of that bubble and I was tossed to the wolves, jealous bitches, snobs, career climbers who will not just climb over you but will impale you in the process with their stiletto too just for kicks.
    In long, great article. I hope men can continue their ball-busting/keeping their buds in check and I can find some kind-hearted, loyal, true friends out here in hippie town USA who will tell me when I am being a bitch, dating the wrong guy and when my ass looks fat. Is that too much to ask for!?

  14. This is awesome! I really wish women didn’t break into pieces at the slightest sense of negativity toward a decision they ask your opinion about…who constantly need reassurance because they can’t lift themselves up…who will not stop talking about themselves for a second to allow you a word as if you are part of the conversation….but then you’re their BFF. I am a woman and that pisses me off.

  15. Just wanted to let you know that this article put so much into perspective for me. I’ve been questioning my best friend and friend circle and wondering why they tease me so much. Now I know it’s not because they hate me, but because they give a shit. Thanks.

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