How Buddhism Can Help Your Game

My relationship with Buddhism began when I was born.  I can recall, even as a child, a deep state of dissatisfaction with my life and the world around me.  I always knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

In my social interactions at school, everything felt forced to me.  I felt incredibly different which lead to feelings of alienation and loneliness.  Other kids would crack jokes and I would force myself to laugh or smile at them because that’s what other kids did and I wanted to fit in.

I was (and probably still am) what you might call an outlier, or fringe element of society.  The town I grew up in was extremely homogenous.  Primarily white, Christian, and very cliquey.  It seemed everyone knew each other through church, youth group, or other wholesome organizations and activities.  To say I didn’t fit in would be an understatement.

One day, in my high school English class, we were assigned to read and critique Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.  It didn’t take very long for me to really get into the book, and I started reading things that were forming connections and leaving profound feelings within me.

The descriptions of Siddhartha’s dissatisfaction with his affluent lifestyle and his ensuing path of self-discovery immediately grabbed me.  I felt like I was getting a taste of something familiar, but I wasn’t sure what.  An answer, an explanation, a little piece of something with which I could finally relate.  Imagine my frustration when we were asked in class to give an analytical summary of the book’s plot.  Here I was, having some mild epiphanies about my own experiences and feelings up to that point in life, and the teacher was insistent on discussing literary devices.  My alienation grew, and I started to see the education system for what it was; an ongoing regurgitation of information with no real lessons learned or knowledge imparted.

Regardless, those first tastes of introspection stuck with me.  I had a natural orientation toward the internal world.  I was curious about the human mind and soul, what made them tick, and if there was such a thing, the science behind all of it.  This curiosity naturally led me through a pretty extensive party and drug experimentation phase.  I met some like minded people, some “cosmic wanderers” if you will, and we established a little counter-culture apartment in the middle of this boring, conformist town.

Enter Buddhism

The natural progression of this lifestyle eventually led me to Buddhism.  What immediately struck me was the scientific quality to applied Buddhist practice.  Instead of getting on one’s knees and praying to a big man in the sky, I was learning to meditate, to quiet my thoughts, to focus, to shut my body down mentally and physically.  Here was a system that prescribed various practices; sit like this, avert your gaze to this degree, breath this way, and you do all of it and strange things started to happen.  By following some simple steps in meditation, I started having some profound experiences.  I learned a great deal about discipline and myself.  I gained a greater understanding of the four noble truths and the eightfold path, and how to apply them to my life.

What Buddhism didn’t teach me, however, was game.  All of this meditating and compassion was getting me nowhere with women.  I always had a girlfriend around, but I was miserable in these relationships.  The kindness, understanding, and patience I was giving them was not being reciprocated, and if anything was only provoking anger from their frantic, convoluted minds.  After years of Buddhist practice, I also felt that I was forcing too much and getting ahead of myself.  The meditations started getting really out there.  I was spending a lot of time in my “inner space” and I started to question if it was really necessary or benefitting me as much as it used to.

Or, more poetically, “You cannot force a snake to shed its skin.  It must be shed of its own accord.”  In Buddhism there is what’s called the Middle Path; that you do not drop away from this world, lost in meditative bliss, but you also don’t lean equally hard into “worldliness” which breeds greed and materialism.

I Became More Worldly

I became more job oriented, making money, and indulged in more shallow pursuits.  I spent time in bars and pursued casual sex.  And, ever the perfectionist, I realized I wasn’t nearly as good at it as I wanted to be.  I started looking into seduction techniques.  And during all of it, I kept the Buddhist “witness” in the back of my head.  I kept that little voice that kept me from getting lost in worldliness, giving me little reminders of the internal world that I carried with me.

After reading several different seduction gurus, I settled on Roosh, simply because I appreciated the direct language he used.  His tone was very scientific and causal, which greatly appealed to me.  Over the course of several years, dating several women and having numerous casual sex partners, I started to notice the funniest things… the same techniques that apply to game are absolutely rooted in, of all things, Buddhism.

And the number one element of it all is this:  detachment.  Detach yourself from your mind, your body, and even your soul.  Detach yourself from your ego.  Detach yourself from potential outcomes.  Detach from fortune and misfortune, from happiness and sadness.  Learn to observe your emotions from a distance, as if watching waves rising and falling on the ocean’s horizon.  Many people new to Buddhism struggle with detachment, thinking: “Well I don’t want to suppress my desires.  I LIKE wanting things!”  Detachment does not mean suppression.  Consider these three scenarios:

1. You are angry. 

You validate your anger through environmental stimulus, giving external reasons as to why you are angry.  The anger consumes you and drives you to act upon that anger.

2. You are angry but clench your teeth and fists, driving the anger deep inside. 

After time, the anger subsides but manifests itself in other, more passive-aggressive ways.  Emotions are like air in a pressure chamber; they must be released eventually

3. You are angry but “you” are not angry. 

You OBSERVE yourself being angry, you feel the heat on the back of your neck and you observe the thoughts in your brain that manifest this anger.  Somewhere in deep inside, you laugh, bemused, thinking, “Ah, so this is anger.”

The Buddhist response, naturally, is #3.  Detachment does not mean suppressing your desires.  You want sex.  You want comfort.  You want food and water.  You want companionship.  But you do not attach yourself to these desires.  You do not attach yourself to outcomes.  You allow yourself to approach women and be rejected.  You observe your ego being hurt by her rejection.  You observe and allow, but you do not invest your deeper self.

I found my foundation of Buddhism helped me immensely with approaching, meeting, and dating women.  I no longer attached myself to the bullshit outcomes that we are programmed to expect.  I no longer expected loyalty, romance, or fairness.  Now, the downside of all this is I started to see women for what they really are.  Without my childish projections, the romance was pretty much toast.  I became dismayed at what I observed, but ultimately what I attained was liberation.  I experienced the freedom to really see things, to get that rare honest glimpse into humanity.  This was my red-pill process.

Digging Deeper Into Buddhism

We can see that Buddhism applies to game in other ways.  Let’s look at the Four Noble truths (roughly translated):

  1. The truth that suffering exists
  2. The truth of the origin of that suffering
  3. The truth of separating oneself from that suffering
  4. The truth of the path leading to that separation from suffering

It may seem redundant, but let’s apply those four truths to game:

  1. Accept dissatisfaction over your own dating life
  2. Understand why your dating life is dissatisfying
  3. Separating yourself from the negative causes of that dissatisfaction
  4. Finding the path that leads to a satisfying dating life

Through this filter, an entire world opens up for guys trying to find their own happiness.  It’s a simple exercise in identifying positive and negative factors in one’s life.  Taking the 4th Noble Truth even further, we can move onto the Eightfold Path, which is an elaboration of the 4th Noble Truth.

The Eightfold Path is a prescription of sorts for “right living”.  How to live life that eases our suffering, increases compassion, and increases our quality of life.

The Eightfold path can be interpreted many different ways, but it absolutely applies to game.  Some of you might think, “Well, manipulating women isn’t very compassionate.”  That’s where honesty comes in.  One of the greatest things I learned from Buddhism is the ability to be honest, no matter how offensive or abrasive.  The truth will indeed set you free.  I learned to tell women, “I’m not interested in an emotional relationship with you.”  And “I don’t consider you a suitable life partner.”

The most amazing things happened: they listened.  They internalized.  And it happened like that because I wasn’t arguing.  I wasn’t presenting opinions or conjecture.  I was giving them truth, which surpasses the realm of “good and bad”.  Women respect truth more than anything else.  Compassion towards women comes in the form of honesty.  Compassion doesn’t mean kneeling before women or treating them as naturally superlative human beings.  Compassion means being honest with your desires, expectations, and disappointments.

The Eightfold path covers nearly all ground.  Resist evil means resisting materialism.  Resist the false pursuits that women direct toward you.  Resist drama and manipulation.

Right mindfulness means frame control.

Right action means giving back.  If you make it to your 30s with a little fortune and happiness on your side, chances are it means you have some people to be grateful for.  Give back.

Right intention means maintaining a positive vibe.  It means keeping a playful and carefree spirit.

…and so on.

At this stage of the game, at the age of 32, I do my best to keep on the “middle” path in life and with women.  I’m not 100% invested in my career, and I’m not abandoning everything to go meditate on top of a hill for the rest of my life.  I’m somewhere in between.  I’m not married, but I’m not looking to score a one-night stand every week of my life.  I’m somewhere in between.

You can swing hard in many directions in life, you can indulge in hard drug trips, crazy sex experiences, thrilling adventures, you can experience the highs of financial wealth or the lows of absolute ruin, you can break 10 hearts and then get yours broken, and so on.  I highly recommend you do it all, but they all often come accompanied with despair; the highs fade, reality sets in, remorse and emotional pain abound.  Highs bring lows.  It’s important to experience those things and experience life, but when it’s all over I feel it’s important to know true happiness; deep happiness that is unwavering in the drama (karma) of life.

For that deeper happiness, look toward the middle path.

Read More: The Strength Of Your Game Is Situation Independent

34 thoughts on “How Buddhism Can Help Your Game”

  1. Awesome post man! This coming from a deeply-learned Buddhist who uses his knowledge as an excuse to not approach because I don’t think I’ll find someone “Buddhist-enough” especially because most women are into stupid shit and that’s all they want to talk about. Which I can tolerate for only 30 minutes a day.
    Any advice for me?
    I’m definitely going to try approaching with the eight-fold path style.. 🙂

    1. There’s this expectation that the mate we seek is some sort of extension of ourselves. That things should click and there should be a silent bond between the two. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with this kind of thinking but it’s not very realistic, and more often than not it’s a projection of one’s desires on another.
      Don’t attach yourself to unreasonable expectations and go out and meet as many women as possible. And finding a woman in any Western culture that’s not into the “senseless chatter”, well, good luck with that. The way I tolerate it is to ignore it and keep it out of my life. If a girl starts talking to you about The Bachelorette or the latest on the Kardashians, simply tell her up front, “Keep that between you and your girlfriends. Don’t trouble me with these trivialities.” She’ll either be shocked and ditch you, or she’ll respect you enough to bend to your demands. Either way is a win.

  2. Good stuff but you forgot the most valuable lesson from buddhism, namely the Lotus Sutra and chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo! You can achieve any goal with daimoku by practicing the teachings of Nichiren Daishonin.

    1. The issue I see with Nichiren Daishonin’s teachings is that it can essentially be boiled down to: “recite this mantra and you will get whatever you want”.
      This has nothing to do with the Dhamma that the Buddha originally taught, as none of the eightfold path factors are “right mantra recitation”.
      Although the Buddha is quoted as saying: “Samadhi is the path, no samadhi is the bad path.” In essence stating that concentration is the path, the absence of concentration in a religion, is a bad path.
      You can see this in the Buddha’s criticism of the Jains, who practiced only austerities, and probably achieved no liberation.

      1. Don’t worry about him he’s just another commercial Buddhist, probably doesn’t know anything of the Four Noble Truths.
        The Surangama Sutra after all did say in this dharma-ending age there would just be reciters.. no people with actual realizations and perfections..

        1. Wrong I believe in the Lotus Sutra which was Buddha highest teaching. Chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo is not magic. You still need to do human revolution and change your karma.

  3. Great article.
    The Buddha essentially proposes an eightfold path to change, although his original intention was for each segment to lead to the end of suffering. It is actually possible to use his path for any type of change desired.
    The path traditionally has eight parts: perspective, intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness and concentration. You can read the Maha Cattarisaka Sutta for a better understanding of how these parts interact with each other.
    But all change first begins with a change in perspective: “I can change.”
    Then a change in intention: “I will change.”
    The a change in speech: “I have decided to change.”
    The a change in action: *actually changing your behavior*
    Then a change in livelihood: Your life changes.
    Meanwhile the factor of effort circles around the factors above for diligently bring them into being.
    The factor of mindfulness circles around the above factors for diligently being conscientious of actually taking action and doing them.
    And finally with all seven supporting factors the focus or “direction” of the mind is toward something wholesome.
    The path is brilliant.

  4. I like that article. I grew up the same way, more or less, so I know where you are coming from. In my opinion, you are an “old soul”.
    I was more comfortable around adults than I was being around kids my own age.
    Basically, what you say comes down to balance, even though you didn’t use that word. It is a lack of balance that causes these problems. The men that hate women just because they are women are unbalanced. The men that use manipulation to have sex but still hate women are unbalanced. Then the unbalanced wonder why they are unhappy all the time? I had to learn that lesson myself, so I’m not condemning anyone. We’re all in the same boat here.

  5. Great article, but your suggestion that “women respect truth” is not true in my experience.
    There is no faster way to piss women off than to speak the truth to them. Women are rooted in falsehood and they are attracted to falsehoods, not truth.
    Dick Masterson said “Female anger is the weathervane of truth”.

    1. You are wrong. Women absolutely respect truth. It’s just that they respect it in the same way that a grifter repects a handshake.

    2. I have yet to meet a woman that did not “respect any truth told to her”
      If a woman gets pissed off at you for speaking truth… that’s a good thing

    3. I dunno man telling the truth has gotten me more lays and chicks unable to dump me when I told them: “yes, I cheated on you. I was having fun at the time!”

  6. Buddha’s example for us is to renounce the world. This doesn’t fit very well with the ideology of perusing women within the world.
    I think you have another choice: penetrate the world fully with love.
    If we decide the renunciation thing isn’t for us, the only other option is to fully commit to it, to go all out to find our purpose and do our best, to make a difference.
    from a book called the way of the superior man:
    “Like dissolving in the intensity of an orgasm, a mans greatest desire is is to be utterly released. Moment by moment, practice loving through your woman and the world, allowing the force of your surrender to transform every moment into an orgasm of divine dissolution. Embrace every moment of experience as a lover, and trust whatever direction love moves you.”

    1. Kudos for another Deida aficionado! I was going to comment in this vein as well. Love isn’t only some ooshy-gooshy thing which many New Age-style people make it out to be. It’s also telling someone “no, that isn’t right.” Having vision of possible outcomes is what makes true love possible, and the willingness to be vulnerable yet embracing one’s power (as a man or woman, but in our cases we’re focusing on real masculinity).
      There are some who will take the renunciate path which is great. We often learn the deepest truths from periods spent in solitude. But engaging in the world from an awakened, whole perspective is the best gift we can give ourselves and any woman / women we choose to spend time with.

    2. Fortunately there are more types of Buddhism than Therevada. There were Buddhas that came later that were not renunciates. Look up Padmasambhava. He’s a Buddha and had five different consorts over the years.

  7. Drug experiences change people. And the experiences allowed by every drug are different.
    With alcohol, coffee and cocaine you experience feelings of power over your environment.
    So if you are gonna try drugs, please consider trying those plants that grow in the wild. They are the way Nature communicates with us as organisms.
    Peace and cannabis for everyone.

    1. Buddhism taken in the truest sense is NOT religion. It is radical introspection and self-examination (the exact opposite of dogma, as long as it’s not taken as ‘follow this and you are saved/enlightened/etc.’).
      How about “no more knee-jerk comments, please!” ?

  8. Le coq, have you ever heard of The Fourth Way by Gurdjeff/Ouspensky. If you’re embracing Buddhism yet are anchored to a pragmatic middle ground, that philosophy could be something to look into.

  9. Enjoyed the intraspection. I am saddened that so few can do it, and gladdened to be reminded some can. And now I am detaching from both feeeelings…bye…out

  10. Great article!
    I am also a seeker and, although I follow the golden thread that passes through the teachings of Pythagoras down to the school of Plato and the medieval and renaissance occultists which were essentially Catholics, I see many, many similarities in Buddhism.
    It´s all the same thing really. Only the methods and explanations differ.

  11. An interesting article and some useful pointers. This caught my attention:
    “After years of Buddhist practice, I also felt that I was forcing too
    much and getting ahead of myself. The meditations started getting
    really out there. I was spending a lot of time in my “inner space” and I
    started to question if it was really necessary or benefitting me as
    much as it used to.”
    This wasn’t true Buddhist practice, but we all go through this phase so it’s understandable. It’s easy to get obsessed with results, inner states, experiences, etc. Perhaps not having a trustworthy teacher (they can be hard to find) and then being ruthlessly honest with yourself and listening to their guidance is the main reason this happens. It’s important, IMO, to not confuse what we THINK spiritual practice is with what it is actually pointing to. A bona fide teacher I greatly respect (Adyashanti) wrote an article on ‘True Meditation’ that, if applied, would largely reduce the likelihood of getting ‘detoured’ on the ‘path’:
    All his satsangs / silent retreats focus on meditative self-inquiry and this style of meditation. It is not about cultivating states (which various forms of Buddhism speak much about but these are byproducts of an awakening process not the goal or means). By being fully in one’s senses (and not lost in mind) and questioning what arises in mind (beliefs/ideas) is the simple (but not necessarily easy) way to wake up and – just as important – stay awake. To function as an actual, whole human being and see the relationship of ‘self’ to ‘other.’
    It’s not some land you arrive in and everything is hunky dory. But seeing Reality as it really is, IS liberation, freedom. Then everything, including women, is seen from a new, real perspective and the qualities we admire in game naturally arise, though not with an intention to manipulate for selfish ends. That period may arise (it did for me) but sooner or later spiritual seduction / deception becomes repugnant. You simply know better.
    Oh, and this is also not magical nosense to those who would poo-poo such talk as ‘religious bullshit’ as one said. It is emminently practical, the only sane, masculine way to exist in the world. Anything else is illusionary, blue-pill, whatever you want to call it. Denialists of spirituality are often those who suffer the most for their self-righteousness.
    “An awakened being is a doormat for no one” ~ Adyashanti

  12. Other Buddhists would tell you to shut the fuck up, but they’re busy so they’ve told me to relay the message

  13. perhaps I find that the Dharmic relgion is popular among women since it has libral sense of spirtualty of accepting things as is and being at peace at what you have and dont need.
    For men the abrhamic relgions would be better like orthodox christianity before it feminized. But the best Id have to say would be Islam and Sikhism(sterotypes aside and foucus on main points) since they promote the red pill. They promote tradtional gendar roles, importance on gendar relations and importance on family and procreation. Not a do whatever you feel like and follow your own path.
    These 2 religons in particualr becuase they have the whole maryter and sainthood concept like an old warrior religon. Which taught men to be men not turn the other butt cheek or be a whiny mouthy passive agressive child like Gandhi(hence why feminsts love non violent protests). Not promting violence since no good can come up of it sometimes. But the Idea is we are so pussy whipped. When it comes to todays relgion and masculinty, islam and sikhism teach you be good at being a man not a “good man”(basically a white knight emotional tampon like western christianty does sadly)
    Seems like these relgions (rituals aside) teach more about family and how to be a man better than this atheist pc femisim enviorment. Lot of it does go on human nature(darwinism)

    1. You might wanna check out Steven Anderson for Red Pill teaching on Christianity’s truth on being a man and being a woman

    2. I disagree about Islam. As for Sikhism, it is at par with the other dharmic religions that draw from Sanatan Dharma or what is referred to as Hinduism. The Hindu heroes were men with violence and philosophy and women. It’s the Indians who are mired in political correctness that don’t follow them.

  14. Buddhism rather stresses on a life of monasticism and celibacy, than a life of seeking pleasures. It also teaches that salvation cannot be attained by those who indulge in carnal pleasures (sex).
    So theoretically, it is not practical, to explain the creation and purpose of life ( when sex itself is necessary to propagate and create life).
    But psychologically, it’s beneficial to develop stoicism, frame control and detachment, which are immensely useful to improve your “game”.

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