One thing men commonly have trouble with is self-doubt, particularly as it pertains to game. They struggle to work up the nerve to talk with women and wonder if it’s possible to ditch that noise and develop greater self-confidence in its place. The answer is yes, with mindfulness and conscious effort, it’s certainly possible.
The first thing to be mindful of is that anything having to do with self also has to do with identity, and that’s what this article is about. The extent to which you can increase your self-confidence depends on how much you allow your true identity—the foundation of self-confidence—be influenced by your false identity, which is the basis for self-consciousness.
What is true identity?
True identity refers to how you see yourself independent of how you believe others see you. It’s how you would see yourself if you lived in the forest in complete solitude apart from the rest of civilization. It’s extremely important to develop and maintain a strong true identity because it’s the foundation upon which you develop the aspects of “self” that make you resilient to others’ negative feedback, e.g., self-confidence, self-assuredness, self-esteem, self-efficacy, etc.
What is false identity?
False identity, on the other hand, refers to how you see yourself based on the vibes you pick up from others. It represents a constant threat to your true identity because it puts your self-worth at the mercy of others. Left unchecked, other people’s negative feedback can make you feel self-conscious. You begin to question what you think of yourself, and this fucks with your self-confidence.
Identities interact
The level of confidence you carry into a given interaction with a woman depends heavily on the extent to which you allowed past setbacks of your false identity erode your true identity in the present. Some men seem like they are naturally more sensitive to these past setbacks, compared to others.
Take my old Army buddy, “Malone,” for example. Malone was a 6’6” self-assured badass “nerves of steel”-type motherfucker as an Airborne Ranger, but when it came to spittin’ game at a chick—even just a 5 or 6—he was about as smooth as a one-legged cat trying to bury a turd in a frozen pond. It was embarrassing for him, for the girl, for me, and for any other bystanders forced to bear witness to that shitshow.
Despite what those witnesses probably thought, Malone was not a retarded person suffering from cerebral palsy and a speech impediment. Nope. Malone’s problem was that he had faced a few rejections in the past, and he let that shit get in his head. He internalized those girls’ negative feedback and became self-conscious. This, in turn, compromised his self-worth in terms of mate value and fucked his confidence with women well into the future.
How a man sees himself—his true identity—will always be affected by the feedback he picks up from others to some degree, but the key to preserving self-confidence is to mentally quarantine the negative shit before it makes you feel self-conscious. If Malone had been aware that those girls’ feedback was not a direct indication of his mate value, he wouldn’t have automatically owned it as part of his true identity. As such, his self-confidence wouldn’t have been compromised, and he would have had much better game with women in the future.
Conclusion
A man who has a weak true identity lives in a state of uncertainty. He’s not sure who he is, and he bases his self-worth on a false identity cobbled together from information he gleans from everyone else. That’s a vulnerable head space to live in, and instead of taking risks, his mindset is to avoid risks at all costs. The last thing he wants is for a woman to crush his self-worth by rejecting him.
A man who has a strong true identity determines his own self-worth for the most part. He’s not immune to negative feedback from others—nobody ever is—he just doesn’t let it overwhelm him to the point of feeling self-conscious. That’s what preserves his self-confidence into the future. Unlike Malone, “having something to lose,” isn’t even on his radar. He focuses on what he has to gain and deals with rejection in stride.
Now that you know what to be mindful of, it’s time to take on step two: Do something. You can sit here being mindful of shit all the live-long day, but until you get your ass out there and do something, your game will not improve. Keep in mind that if you’re actually out there doing something, you will most definitely be on the receiving end of negative feedback, i.e., rejection. That’s just how the world works. Just don’t be like Malone. Remember that those skanks’ incorrect opinions of your worthiness mean nothing about who you are as a man… that is, not unless you decide they do.
Read More: 9 Immutable Laws Of Game
Great article! Loving this site.
Incredible article. Probably one of the best on RoK.
Good job man.
Too hard to internalize, repeated rejection has eroded my true identity into glass smoothness.
Finally, a genuine Doctor of Game!
Some nicely expounded ideas here
Ss the other commenters state, this us a very good read. However, genetics DO come into play here. There are certain aspects of physical appearance and attractiveness that cannot be overcome. And no guy wants to bang less than a 7. Even the most physically unattractive guy in the world wants hot girls. Some will settle of course, but they won’t be happy about it.
I disagree, I believe most men are content just to meet their match or equivalent.
Your comment on genetics and appearance cannot always be overcome however, is pretty accurate.
But every man has something. the ugliest man can do something. maybe can draw like nobody else in his town,He is strong can be abouncer at a club, he is super smart etc. I think MAN if no woman will ever be attractred to you best on your look then simple use your talent.
You’re an optimist.
Nice article. You bring up many good points which all men need to internalize if they want to get through this life spending as little time as possible in a shrink’s office. Just as we can’t allow negativity from others to affect our true selves, we also should not depend upon the adulation of others to make up for a poor self image. What it all comes down to is YOU. If you have a positive sense of self for all the right reasons, no one’s opinion (good or bad) should ever matter too much at all.
Good read, basically, learn to let all the negative opinions and shite just bounce off or slide off and fall away from you at worst.
Its nice to be humble, but taking shit from others and letting stomp your true self into hiding is just plain wrong!
Fuck polit correctness.
I can relate to Malone. I, too, was rejected and embarrassed and exposed by girls; from adolescence into my early thirties. But I got over it. Here’s how!
An affirmation.
Original but you are free to use it.
When interacting or even thinking of a woman or women, keep this in mind:
“This is my world. I’ll talk to you anytime I want to. If that’s a problem for you, you may turn your weak ass around and walk the f*$% away.”
It didn’t take long for this to sink in, then ooze out. And it works!
Great Article. Women opinion shouldn’t matter anyway. Men have to understand that without us they ain’t shit. King make women queens. Confidence is key.
Take heed, that is fucking Golden.
The man is preaching God`s own truth.
Disregard it at your peril.
Great article. Take on constructive advice, because that may help you, but don’t listen to negative comments. Downtrodden men is what the system wants.
Nice article man, the rejection part hit home, since 2016, there’s this one rejection I couldn’t stop aching myself with on a severe scale, but then I was like “Wait a minute… It doesn’t matter if I was rejected by her right? Well fuck it then.”
While I admit some parts of me are still self-conscious, most of the times I don’t give a fuck is when I’m aloof to the simple things in life.
Another thing to realize, most everything is transitory — especially these days. This was the most difficult lesson for me to learn. Once I internalized this (and learning about hypergamy), life became infinitely easier.
Note that this also works the other way around. Despite having a weak self, you can also become entitled and snobish from actively looking for and getting positive and reinforcing feedback from others that boosts your false identity. This is what most girls and narcists are high on. You are actually not much but you believe you are because you get good vibes from others such as “he the boss, who he?, wow, strong” and so on.
The fact that sites like this exist is due to the fact that our sexuality as a species is being jacked with on a pandemic scale. How hard should it be to procure a mate? Mind you not every male desires a mate. Some males are so damaged or malformed that they would be contented performing coitus on an animal. HOW MANY males would engage in beastiality if no mates were present? About the same percentage of females who are similarly low grade and who would abandon their nests or murder their young. There is a percentage of the population both male and female that is so damaged or mutated that they are completely worthless. The gangs of bung apes in prisons for example have little or even negative value. Prison bung apes would surely have a blast if a goat or two were loosed in the cell blocks. DON’T BELIEVE ME? Let’s try releasing a petting zoo into any state prison and see what happens. “Ma-ha-ha-ha she’s not my wife – green acres la de da”. Stop. Just kidding. Forget I wrote that. But continuing, there is a percentage of the populus who fall in that category. Are YOU a potential bung ape? Prison is a good shit test if you are unsure whether or not you fall into that group.
Suffice it to say that you are assuredly NOT a bung ape if you DO desire a female to procreate by and to propogate your seedline. The fact that you wish to breed reveals that your spirit embodies LIFE and achievement – and I guarantee you there is little chance you fall into the bung ape category. Just the desire to command and expand your seedline sets you apart from the hapless males who just want to bust a nut or who simply feel compelled to drain their nut in whateverway possible.
Life is fundamentally about driving your seedline and commanding your shebeast(s). Correctly HUMAN shebeasts. If you desire to propogate, then chances are you’re thoroughlly normal and not a bung animal. There shouldn’t be any significant blocks to procuring for yourself a good bloodline match breeder woman.
But sadly there are loops and hurdles and stumbling blocks to coitus with said breeder woman. Propogating your DNA chain is met with punitive deterrant force from the get go. There is a war against our species being waged to slow kill and cull the herd. If FEMINISM and desexing propaganda abounds in your society, then you know you’re in a targeted area slated for depop.
GET OUT boy and sling your breeder woman over your shoulder. If she’s somewhat compliant, tell her “RUN JANE RUN” to the hills. Otherwise ballgag her and run until you hear no more of the noise and no more of the depop propaganda. Women anways need help moving don’t they? Where it is still and quiet and where you can hear yourself think is where y’all want to be.
Well, maybe not ballgag but an extended camping trip is always enticing and usually does the trick getting her to go clear. Camping is great.
Interesting except that nearly every imprisoned bung ape has a total of 6 to 14 kids from at least 5 women.
Im not advocating them, but the use of hallucinogenic substances can really show you that false self/true self your not even aware you have. Our psyches become distorted and overloaded in the daily onslaught of social interactions. It creates a massive duality within us we arnt even aware of. An inner journey (trip) is like pressing pause on the world and venturing into our fragmented personalities to inspect what has/is causing disruption. It can be extremely dramatic and painful to have an honest look within ourselves but I believe its nessecary to clean the cobwebs out once & a while. When its over, youll be weary but humbled.
Disconnected asshole pretty much sums me up. Very selfish, don’t really care about people, except my immediate circle of family and friends. I realize what is and is not a waste of time and treat relationships like positions in the market. If it’s bad, I get out, immediately.
Used to be a ‘nice guy’. It took me a LONG time to own who I really was. A lot of people didn’t like it, and fell out of my life. I’d say 90% of people, actually.
After many, many years of rejection and isolation, I got some semblance of game together. I’m no Casanova, but I can at least talk to women. Today, for instance, the waitress I was telling you all about, handed me her phone number literally as soon as I walked into the restaurant.
you obviously looked like an desperate, sex-starved idiot who’d play beta-male-cuck stepdad to her 5 kids from Tyrone, Jamal & Marquis
But if your “true self” is an idiot SJW you need an upgrade to the Other kind of White guy.
“And here’s the message it carries. . . It says, See we ain’t no white person all teared up and gulpy over the horrible things our kind did to your kind. We are the other kind of white people who did them horrible things. We do ‘em again, twice as hard, twice as mean if you don’t cooperate. That’s a language our negro clients can understand clear as a bell, and, like as not, they cooperate. Nobody done gets smacked around, arms broke, teeth swallowed, face swelled up like a grapefruit. . . They have to know we represent the principle that it can all go away fast.”
GMan, Stephen Hunter, 2017, p. 332.