How To Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety

The good thing about approach anxiety is that it is self-created, which means that you are creating it and you can stop it. The annoying, fear-inducing feeling called “approach anxiety” is not something that is out of your control and will always be with you; it’s only there because you are allowing it to exist by way of your thinking.

Approach anxiety is activated when you think in ways that cause you to feel anxious, nervous, fearful and hesitant before approaching a woman. Guys who don’t suffer from approach anxiety are those who think in ways that make them feel confident, relaxed and even excited about approaching women. To get to the point where you automatically think in a confident rather than an anxious way, I recommend using what I call “Bridging Mindsets.”

Fixing Your Approach Anxiety With Bridging Mindsets

Bridging Mindsets allow you to feel confident enough in the moment to approach a woman. After a while, you get to the point where you are truly confident and don’t need to use these “training wheel” mindsets to get you to approach. Bridging Mindsets are necessary for overcoming approach anxiety because the settings of human psychology don’t allow us to permanently change from being anxious to confident, depressed to happy or fearful to fearless in one step. The “psychological divide” between anxiety and confidence is too vast and the only way to permanently get across it is to build your own mental bridge. Just like you created your anxiety by thinking in certain ways, you now need to create your confidence by thinking in new ways. You need to “bridge your way across” the divide that separates confidence from anxiety. You cannot do it in one step.

If it was possible to go from anxious to confident in one step, there would be a quick trick or magic mindset and we’d all use it. Psychologists would know about it and the pharmaceutical companies that sell anti-anxiety pills would lose a lot of money. Yet, there is no quick trick and there is no single, magic mindset that instantly fixes approach anxiety. The only way to overcome approach anxiety is to work your way towards a state of confidence so strong that feelings of anxiety become unnecessary, irrelevant and redundant. To do that, you need to create a mental bridge that leads you away from anxious thinking and towards confident thinking.

Examples of Bridging Mindsets

Here are some examples of using Bridging Mindsets to put all of this into perspective for you. If you use “Anxious” mindsets before approaching a woman, you will naturally begin to feel anxiety. However, if you use Bridging mindsets for long enough, you will eventually get into the habit of thinking in way that allows you to feel confident at all times.


  • Anxious mindset: I will probably get rejected if I approach.
  • Bridging mindset: No guy is compatible with every woman he meets. If we’re not compatible, that is fine by me – I’ll just approach another woman who is more compatible with me.
  • Confident mindset: This woman will like me. I’ll go talk to her.


  • Anxious mindset: I will probably run out of things to say.
  • Bridging mindset: I know a few things to say to start a conversation, keep it going and keep it interesting, so I should at least be able to get a brief conversation going. I’ll approach her and give it a try.
  • Confident mindset: Women love talking to me and I love talking to them. I’m going to chat to that girl over there. She’ll be happy that I came over for a chat.

 Other people

  • Anxious mindset: Other people are watching. They will probably think I am a creep, loser or sleaze for approaching.
  • Bridging mindset: Other people are more worried about how they are being perceived by others; they aren’t sitting around worrying about what I am doing. It is completely normal for a guy to walk over and talk to a woman in an easy-going way. I’m not walking over and trying to pick her up, I’m just going over and having a chat. If we are compatible and it feels like we should exchange numbers or keep talking, I will do that.
  • Confident mindset: Other people? I don’t care. I’m going to talk to those girls.

Completing the pick up

  • Anxious mindset: If I don’t get a phone number, kiss or sex then I have failed and have been rejected. I probably won’t be able to complete the pick up and the women will think I am a loser for trying to pick them up.
  • Bridging mindset: You can’t complete every pick up because no guy is compatible with every woman he meets. I’m simply going to go over, have a chat and see if we’re compatible. If we are, I will look to escalate to a phone number, kiss or sex. If not, no problem – I’ll just talk to some other girls.
  • Confident mindset: I’m going to get this woman’s number, kiss her or have sex with her.

See how it works? You have to “bridge” your way to confidence. After using Bridging Mindsets for long enough, you will eventually get to the point where you automatically think in a way that allows you to feel confident. To put this into more perspective, I will explain the Confidence Building Process.

Building confidence from within

Confidence Building Process

1. Bridge

Use Bridging Mindsets to feel “confident enough” in the moment to approach women.

2. Gather

When you approach women, focus on gathering as much positive evidence as possible that you can approach women and are getting better at it.

By “positive evidence” I am referring to anything that went well with the approach (e.g. the women were happy to talk to you) and anything that is getting better (e.g. your confidence and conversation skills are improving). If you try to use this Confidence Building Process without gathering positive evidence from real life approaches, it will not work and your approach anxiety will remain. Step 2 in the process (gathering positive evidence) is essential to overcoming approach anxiety because you need that real life evidence to support your new, more confident way of thinking. Without it, all you are doing is “thinking positively” and we all know that positive thinking is no cure for approach anxiety.

3. Repeat until confident

Repeat Steps 1 and 2 until you automatically begin to think in a confident way about approaching women, without having to use Bridging Mindsets. When you reach this stage, your approach anxiety will be gone and you will be able to confidently approach women at will. Anxiety or nervousness won’t even have a chance to exist in your mind because you will feel confident about the approach and confident in your skills with women.

How long does it take for a guy to get from Step 1 to Step 3 in the Confidence Building Process? That depends on how often he approaches and how much positive evidence he gathers to support his new, more confident way of thinking. From my experience helping guys with this problem and from overcoming it myself, it takes most guys about 3-6 weeks to completely get rid of their approach anxiety using this process.

More Examples of Bridging Mindsets

When you’re at Step 2 in the process, you really need to put some effort into thinking in a more confident way. The best way to do this is to continue using Bridging Mindsets until you get to the point where your confidence is consistent. Eventually, your confidence will become so strong that it won’t make any sense to feel approach anxiety. Your natural way of thinking will be that of confidence, so anxiety will feel unnecessary and irrelevant when it comes to approaching women.

Here are some examples of Bridging Mindsets that you can use as you’re going about your everyday life, or right before you approach a woman:

  • I’m getting better at this.
  • I’ve been learning a lot of great stuff and my confidence is improving.
  • Approaching women is becoming easier and easier for me.
  • My conversation skills are getting better every time I practice.
  • I’m getting better reactions from women most of the time.
  • I feel more comfortable in interactions with women now.
  • Approaching women is becoming fun.
  • I no longer allow anxious thoughts to pollute my mind.
  • I can feel my confidence growing stronger everyday.
  • I can’t wait to talk to more women.

If you don’t use Bridging Mindsets and instead continue to allow anxiety-inducing thoughts to overwhelm your mind, then you will only be adding fuel to your approach anxiety. Here is the type of anxiety and fear inducing thinking that you need to avoid when going through the Confidence Building Process to eliminate your approach anxiety:

  • I’ve tried to approach before, but I just get anxious.
  • I can’t do this.
  • Women are too picky.
  • Women reject guys all the time.
  • I’ve been rejected before, so it will just keep happening.
  • I don’t know what to say to women.
  • Women don’t make it easy for me.
  • I’m no good with women, so there is no point in trying.
  • I can’t get any better.
  • I’m stuck like this.
  • I guess I’ll just have to stick to porn.

To truly overcome your approach anxiety, you must make a conscious decision to change the way you think about approaching women. Procrastinating or hiding from the problem will not get rid of it; you have to tackle it head on. You must stop thinking in the ways that cause you to feel nervous, fearful and anxious and start thinking in the ways that make you feel confident and that push you forward to success.

When Your Approach Anxiety Is Eliminated

When you bridge your way to true confidence with women, you eventually get to a point where your confidence becomes so strong, consistent and authentic that you don’t stop to think before an approach. You are no longer worried about whether things might go wrong or what you’re going to say, so you just approach when you see a woman you like. At that level, approach anxiety doesn’t even have a chance to exist because you are confident and you’re just doing whatever you want.

We Are Lucky That Approach Anxiety is Fixable

If approach anxiety were an untreatable disease, then we would all be doomed for life and would have to resort to porn or to accepting unattractive women who hit on us once in a blue moon. Yet, approach anxiety isn’t a disease and it isn’t untreatable. Approach anxiety is created from within a guy’s own mind by his own thinking and that is a good thing because it means that it is fixable. When you go through the process that I’ve described in this article, your approach anxiety will eventually disappear and be replaced by a strong, authentic and consistent state of confidence.

However, let me make one thing absolutely clear: this only works if you do Step 2 in the process. You can’t eliminate approach anxiety just by thinking about it. You must gather real life evidence that you are getting better at approaching women, that women are responding more positively to you and that you are feeling more and more confident around women. If you avoid approaching women and try to “think your way to confidence” all you will be doing is useless positive thinking. You have to do Step 2 in the process to give yourself real reasons to feel more confident and to start letting go of your anxiety.

Read More: The Pill That Cures Approach Anxiety

115 thoughts on “How To Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety”

  1. Solid article. Mindset is key and you showed how to make it happen.
    It’s even possible to remove pain by proper mindsets.

  2. Women are not worth all that effort. Just make money and pay for sex. Simplify.

    1. cosign. how to get rid of approach anxiety is just another way of saying “man up and commit, faggot”. What the type of articles we need is
      how to get rid of “man up fag” expectation anxiety we get from society

    2. Some men simply enjoy the “hunting” aspects as an end unto themselves, though if all you’re after is to get off, porn and hookers is a far more efficient use of your time.
      And after all the nonsense you have to go through to get a typical woman for free these days, you’re going to feel dirty afterwards no matter what.

    3. Gotta say, this makes a lot of sense and it took about 30 years to come to the same conclusion. As an aside, for those of you who are socially awkward or have severe anxiety, buying escorts is actually a great “bridge” because they will make an effort w/ you in terms of talking / flirting and stroking your ego (as well as your cock!). Fake it ’till you make it, as they say.
      Getting into a relatively enjoyable career, making your money, securing your “castle” and keeping yourself healthy and in shape are all more important than pursuing worthless pussy. Fucking is important and a necessary instinct to satisfy, but chasing it endlessly and compromising the above mentioned pursuits is simply retarded. Buy some top notch pussy once in awhile and enjoy. Practice your game on these broads too. You just have to get your “programmed” mind around it. P4P is not for losers, it’s actually for the discerning, the practical, and the battle hardened.

      1. the problem is that social confidence translates into success in many ways beyond women…. game focuses on picking up girls which can seem pointless because there are other ways of getting the result….
        in reality, if you can pick up women, you can also pick up business partners, dominate a business meeting, get a promotion, obtain funding, promote your company and so on and so forth….
        thus approach anxiety and dealing with women, is simply an acid test for many other areas of life…
        even a super talented ultra geek needs funding, staff, strategic alliances, promotions, skills to lead juniors etc. etc. etc.
        and on the flip side the guy that is good with the girls, will often be the guy who is getting ahead in his professional life also, even if he’s not so smart….
        nothing wrong with whores to a point, but teach a man to fish and he can catch his own hookers without paying upfront.

        1. I can do all those things regarding the corporate and business world you mentioned above — I just find I have very ittle interest in wasting my time engaging these apathetic female drones and making deposits into the “ego accounts”.

        2. Point taken, but I say mix and match and enjoy the entire line up. Further, it often just comes down to economics and wanting a guarantee so your logistics are smoother.

        3. Exactly. As such, purchase a top-notch whore for a price you can live with and bang away — then walk away w/out much inane or vapid bullshit. Rinse and repeat. Or do like I do, and GAME the P4P whores and try to get it for free — not that’s a fun challenge!

      2. “Getting into a relatively enjoyable career, making your money, securing
        your “castle” and keeping yourself healthy and in shape are all more
        important than pursuing worthless pussy. ”
        So true!

      3. Rhetorical question: If I get a cat, does this mean I’ve bought pussy? 🙂
        In all seriousness, though, Dr. F, trying to imagine socially awkward people with an escort sounds cringe worthy:
        “Socially Awkward Guy: Hey, do you want to hear about [insert nerdy/geeky topic here]?
        Escort: …… *Escort walks out of the room.*”

        1. I’ve witnessed dorky mongers w/ top notch whores on many occasions and it’s actually very entertaining — priceless to see the looks on their faces, and even better knowing that the whore is going to have to bang the idiot later…

        2. Both equally, to be honest. Actually it’s an interesting feeling seeing a dorky monger w/ a hot escort and not feel jealous / envious / mad. Refreshing really, almost an “us against them — high 5” mentality. The dork’s money is just as green as mine, and I say good on him. Live and let live, just don’t cream pie my gal right before I mount her!

    4. It’s so true eh?
      Once you understand the economics of sex, and realize how much of it is just an exchange of goods for services it becomes harder to motivate yourself to even build a connection with someone beyond physicality when they are so impulsive you have to remind yourself that you’re talking to a person.

    5. I agree. There is some truth to the lyrics of hip-hop songs I listen to.
      Money over bitches and the like.
      But I don’t think you should pay all the time. You still need to approach normal women and get them into bed too.

  3. Approaching is for thirsty betas.
    Try this. Call them over by giving them the “come here” signal (curling your index finger) with a straight face looking them in the eye. If they walk over, buy them a drink or ask them a question. If they don’t come over, it’s their loss, and they weren’t interested anyway. Plus, you save face due to the fact you made zero initial effort on your part. That in itself is a turn-on to these dumb bitches because it’s a true alpha move.

    1. yeah because we are all 6ft jacked millionaires who are always in the VIP section of the club…
      it would be hilarious to see a guy in a club giving every girl the come here signal and going back home alone xD

      1. Not as hilarious as the dipshit metrosexuals approaching rent-a-holes all night, just to go home alone. Which is the case for 95% of them. Point is women are secondary to a night out with dudes. And if my group has an average height of 6’4″, then yeah, the finger curl works. Not so much for you lawn jockies though.. hehe

        1. lmao since when guys go clubbing to chill with the dudes? are you a faggot?

  4. Don’t approach, make yourself attractive enough that they approach you. Then reject them and DON’T explain yourself.

    1. I just give them the “asshole” face and ignore them.
      My hobbies and lifestyle are probably too sophisticated for any of them and their hobbies and conversation wont hold my interest anyway.

      1. Women are 20% less intelligent than men, and additionally they are at least 50-70% less perceptive of reality, since they lack masculine curiosity about their environment and are herd-like. It’s a mistake to identify intellectually with women. That is also why your “complicated” game plans will be useless. I recommend the article “how to be a good clown” by ROOSHV. Anything that comes from the realm of “logic” will not work on women since they are not “logically” based in their judgement. Smart clean-cut guys don’t get laid. They end up with money mongering feminists who deny them sex after the initial attraction has taken place. Good witty extrovert muscled clowns with tattoos though, or musicians with a good sense of humor seem to do fine, they appeal more to their “sensuality”. Logic and reason is the language of men
        If you use your intelligence to pretend you are an interesting clown, than indirectly, your intelligence would get you notched

        1. They make good grades. Big deal. The whole school environment is based on feminine appropriation. Girls are distracting to guys, and not in the obvious way, though low cut shirts and high skirts have a little direct effect. Boys stratify ;
          1: Do semi-meaningless curriculars like brain damaging sports, who get social climbing girls who then gain power positions that look good on a resume.
          2 become outcast nerds who are then victimized by aforementioned sport enthusiasts, affecting their self esteem, of which lots and lots of them commit suicide (literally the highest rate of suicide).
          3. The middle of the road dudes try to avoid looking like nerds and instead smoke marijuana, videogame, spend excessive time listening to or playing garage band music, bmxing and skateboarding, to form bro networks so they can take refuge from a hostile society which berates them with ideas about male privilege and rape culture. They maybe hope to attract reject/rebel girls now and then, some of which is accomplished by spending inordinate time and effort arranging and throwing house parties and ragers and making faking IDs to buy liquor. If they’re not in the process of getting a rap sheet for mind numbing drugs and liquor, they have to get menial jobs to pay off their beat up cars they’re forced to have at 16 and have to move out at 18 so they have a place to bring girls to. All the above depresses their grades on the statistical level. All the while girls are told it’s their duty to represent for all womanhood, given special seminars and ‘girl power’ speeches and girls ‘can do it better’ messages from the media, are given apartment rents by their parents, free tuition (and worldly experience) by multiple sugar daddies, or make easy muchos dollars by stripping or webcamming for graduate school. They become over-represented in careers they have no true interest in, while the displaced men suffer wage decreases and unemployment, which results in economic and social stagnation.

    2. girls are too shy to approach
      most girls who approach guys are feminist whores

      1. They may be too shy but trust me, they are conniving and clever enough to meet someone they want to.
        Trouble is, women just dont find most men attractive anymore. Unless you fit into that little pea-brained, hollywood and facebook worldview of what they view is attractive.
        They all think that they are 8’s, 9’s and 10’s and they think 99% of guys are 3’s.

        1. You can kick their stupid ideas out of the way if you know what you are doing. Today, it is good if things get awkward for a while, if things are too smooth you are just playing along with bs expectations, you need to drag them out of their comfort zone and work on them for a while. It’s not that hard but a lot of guys nowadays don’t have the confidence to do it. Once again, approaching and playing the game the way it works nowadays will get you next to nothing and cost you a lot. Make your own rules and make a list of things you will not do under any circumstance, it’s better to lose a girl or two than to sell yourself short.

        2. “Make your own rules and make a list of things you will not do under any circumstance, it’s better to lose a girl or two than to sell yourself short.”
          Sounds identical to investment psychology. If you ride the losing propositions they may BOUNCE back, but if they sink further , you’ve lost your money AND your dignity since you didn’t follow your gut instinct. Your left with a feeling of grief/guilt since you didn’t stick to the plan, turns what would have been a small sting, into a bite.

        3. I have noticed this too. 3’s thinking they 9-10’s. Where did this entitlement attitude come from to allow them to feel so superior???. I’d hate to be. Young man in his 20’s and 30’s these days… I feel for them, so many cunty sluts thinking they are so wonderful.

        4. True. It’s evolutionary biology, and it has always been true; not a new thing, and it is in every species.

      2. No. From my experience, the ones who approach dudes are either fucked up in their personal lives(at least more than the average chick), or ugly as sin.

  5. lol, my problem is not the approaching. it’s that when I tried at a recent mall trip, 99% of the girls I wanted to talk to had their face in the phone. I would try and fail to get their attention. at least before smartphones they would diss you to your face. I never got to measure my performance because of this.
    however I do get nervous approaching groups.

    1. What the fuck is it with those smartphones and bitches these days? I was at work the other day and this girls is walking right down the middle of the hall staring at her phone without even looking at who was walking towards her.
      Idiot females these days.

      1. Nothing a shoulder won’t cure. If she wasn’t paying attention, why should you?

        1. Fuck yeah. Some bitch ran into my shoulder the other day while staring at her calulator. Must have stunned the pig with the squeal she let out – she didn’t miss a beat though. Programmed ape, through and through.

        1. That’s an excellent idea.
          I did that with a (guy) friend of mine. He’s fucking chick with this phone too. He like to raz and joke in person… but expects to be taken seriously in a text message. He even has FULL BLOWN LENGTHY CONVERSATIONS in a text…. while someone else is sitting across from him at dinner. Even the police nailed him for texting and driving.
          One day he starts blowing up my phone with paragraphs trying to sucker me into a conversation on my phone. I texted him back “dude I don’t have conversations in text messages. Talk to me in person. People who prefer texting to conversation are teenage girls and faggots. Which one are you?”
          I believe that made my point.

      2. that happened on the same trip, started to say something to this girl when she bumped into me from looking at that phone.

      3. Oh fuck. Don’t get me started on that. They are fucking totally incapable of human interaction and uncomfortably whip out their phones in an elevator because they can’t even maintain eye contact or engage in small talk long enough to go from one floor to another. Women and their phones are a fucking disgrace.

      4. The reason people text is because, when talking in a normal conversation you have to think about what to say immediately, if you have time to edit, think about, and refine your thoughts before you send them off in text, you will come out seeming much more intelligent. This is the reason people avoid normal conversation, Why be put on the spot when they can take 10 minutes to think about the perfect thing to say

      5. One of the many depressing truths about the relationship between the sexes is simply that man hardly exists in a woman’s world.
        – Esther Vilar (A woman) – The manipulated man.

      6. Bump into them and knock the phone out of their hands. If they get cunty, tell them to get the fuck off the phone and watch where they are walking. Usually shuts them up

    2. I never understood the whole idea of “approach anxiety”.
      I hate that word ….. “APPROACH”.
      She’s just a woman. Not a dentist’s chair.
      You guys want to be cured of “approach anxiety”?
      Here’s how it’s done:
      Remind yourself.. you don’t know her yet.
      Therefore, she doesn’t MEAN ANYTHING to you yet.
      And since she doesn’t mean anything to you…
      her “rejection” can’t possibly mean anything to you either.
      You’re cured.

      1. succinct, spot on. thats what i thought. shes no goddess, shes only human.

        1. Can’t take full credit. It’s an old concept from David DeAngelo which I adopted, re-articualted and broke down for other guys to make real sense. Got really frustrated seeing some of my friends “feel bad” about being turned away while he was offering a chance to just be nice , kind, complimentative or generous to her.
          You may even find when you smile and walk away from a “rejection”… the very same chick who “rejected” you will come running after you. Sometimes right away. Sometimes many years later. Best to stick that “rejection” in your back pocket and keep it fondly. It’s FAR from the end of the world. There is NOT ONE reason why any man should have “approach anxiety”. When EVERY guy adopts and applies this philosophy, you will see a marked turn-around in female attitudes and behavior. Because these days…. women are just off the chart ridiculous.
          But I am SO glad you see the real value in it. Makes stopping by and dropping a comment worthwhile. Thank you too.

      2. Until she makes an effort to mean anything to you, a woman’s rejection is just as meaningless and worthless as her approval.

        This is the problem. When is their approval going to be meaningful? Their disapproval is illegitimate when their approval is a liability but then it always will be. Women are objectified with shame of being a human female.
        A deal has been cut between women (that play a sadistic trick on girls but the girls won’t accept the truth) where they promise the girls their own slave man if they stay away from taken men and wait patiently for what they deserve. Men are cut out.
        What does a Cargo Cult whore deserve for waiting patiently? Not me. What do I want with a Toddler whore peddling her true worth (concealed, because value is advertised). What do I want with a deceit-obsessed, emotionally-abused girl conditioned to be “difficult” in fear of appearing “easy”. It works. Women aren’t easy. They appear to be obnoxious whores who think the more antisocial they can dare before men will respond (men are bitches, they just take the abuse), the more valuable they magically become.
        Men who wait for what they deserve are waiting for the next life.

        1. Really like your comment. I suppose I just don’t consider women a “prize” – or something “I deserve”. Especially a girl who closes her eyes and thinks shit is just supposed to fall into her lap. They aren’t a value or an addition. They are too often a burden and a nuisance. So how is it possible to place any value on her “rejection” or approval?
          Her approval might matter if I looked up to her and admired her for something. But that’s not going to be up to ME. That’s going to be up to HER. Most women are just waaaaaay to lazy and unwilling to make an effort.. because they think they just “deserve” to be admired for no goddam reason too.
          Women just fail to impress on such a MASSIVE level that I can’t even begin to comprehend how a man could ever “feel bad” about her saying “no”. And until she can AT LEAST be good for something other than fucking, ordering in restaurants and spending money, her approval won’t matter either.
          A chick once asked me for help installing a DVD player. She started to ask the usual female questions like “will this work if I push the wrong button?”. I told her to just SHUT UP and do what I say. Then I instructed her on how to plug RCA cables into the right inputs and outputs. This really turned her on. And it turned the DVD player on in less than 3 minutes!!! – which wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t there. Then she told me how much she liked being told what to do as she kneeled down and looked up at me with those eyes…. peeled off her top and opened her mouth.
          That’s the only time when her approval matters.

        2. This is true, however there is also the ongoing social game. which is ultimately about demonstrating your social value and matching up with others of equivalent or better value. being approached gives women the upper hand in this game – coupled with being knocked back, your value is effectively diminished and hers enhanced in the moment. why do you think certain sub sections of women enjoy accumulating beta-orbiters or rejecting guys? social power and status.

        3. Women love a man who takes charge but many men are conditioned from a very young age to be gentlemen, which is transparent betrayal from mothers. It’s sad, I bet most guys don’t even understand how much more women love sex (biologically, at least; sociological slut-shaming has turned the vast majority into entitled whores).
          Men are just too decent for their good, it seems. Or too willing to be degraded by respecting women who lie to them. He who rapes, wins (or at least, he appears to).

        4. I don’t even subscribe to the EXISTENCE of “approach anxiety”. “Approaching” a woman requires no stealth, calculation, rehearsal, practice, “game”, or any of that. That’s a fact. While I know first hand that OTHERS experience it…. everything flows from the fundamental premise:
          Eggs are expensive. (valuable)
          Sperm is cheap. (worthless)
          Attitudes, “fears”, social conditioning and female behavior support and encourage that premise. From “women and children first”…. to “you probably never get laid”…. it’s all a GREAT BIG LIE designed to convince you that you’re a piece of shit, even before YOU TALK to a girl.
          That’s how fucked up “approach anxiety” is, but that’s essentially where it comes from. All that’s required for man to get over it, is a simple refusal to subscribe to it. And the whole concept fails immediately on the spot. It just doesn’t exist anymore.

        5. it’s all a GREAT BIG LIE designed to convince you that you’re a piece of shit, even before YOU TALK to a girl.

          Yep. I think it’s biopolitics. By reducing men into needing a reduced woman (who they smash with shame before feeding them the ridiculous idea that they’re God’s Gift to male slaves, which the girls just eat up) broken children are assured.
          Broken children are the rock on which a plantation-State can be built. Learned helplessness is the endgame. A world of needy self-defeat. Power requires the creation of need to enslave. We are the slaves of whomever control what we need (or imagine we need).
          They give women the power to exploit men, feeding them the rope they’ll need to hang their children. And they hang us out to dry, our dear mothers; desperate as they are to appease Polite Society’s disapproving whores. Objects cannot contribute or produce, all they can do is review (approve / disapprove). Conform, become “normal”, be reduced!
          Objects tend to favour disapproval over approval because if they approve too often, the worth of their worthless approval would be revealed to the desperate victims kept hungry by their Confidence scam of disapproval.
          It’s definitely biopolitics, the conspiracy to objectify girls and make men place their worthless objects on a pedestal is being drilled non-stop down all entertainment media channels. Long before boys could ever be expected to care about what girls do or who they approve / disapprove of, we’re conditioned to feel like perverts for the desire adolescents cannot imagine feeling until puberty crushes everyone.
          I remember being like 11 or so, laughing at a girl accusing me of wanting to look up her skirt. I was years away from even theoretically caring to look at cloth that boys aren’t allowed to look at. They tell us to do so many things we’re not allowed to do and no one really stops to think about why they’re being told not to be insane.

          “Thou shalt not…”

          I was about to ask the girl a question when we were interrupted. Eight years later, I had just started to present a group assignment in a lecture theatre slowly filling to 400 or so when I was rudely interrupted by a girl accusing a guy in front of her of trying to look up her skirt. The guy was blushing furiously as he was probably just bored, looking around for someone he knew. It’s just putrid smear, how can you defend yourself against whore speculation? They force you onto the back foot, denying their speculated concerns.
          I remembered this question I wanted to ask when I was 11 so with the microphone, I asked her if I had her permission to recommence my presentation or if she needed any trauma personnel to help her or if the incident warranted calling some MPs (this was military academy) to arrest the pervert who had threatened the integrity of her moral virtue with his hungry eyes.
          She sneered and reminded me that ADFA had brought in a new “Zero Tolerance” policy on sexual harassment, which always made me laugh because what, did they have 20% Tolerance on sexual harassment before? I asked her but she didn’t know what the previous tolerance level was set at.
          I asked her, “Why do you imagine men want to look at cloth?” She just sneered so I pressed for motive. “Do you find men prefer white cloth? Does colour factor into your pantyhose selection, are men more likely to want to sneak a peek of black cloth?” She said nothing.
          “Is this a real treat for men?” I laughed, triggering some chuckles in the theater which made her uncomfortable. “Why would you imagine that anyone could want to look at cloth?” Furious, she went on the whore counter-attack.
          “How the hell would I know? Why don’t YOU tell me why ALL MEN are pigs!” She glared at me as if she really wanted an answer. That whore piety. I explained that men are raised by their mothers and if they were pigs, she should take it up with them. She rolled her eyes as if I was being evasive. I had one question I’d meant to ask eight years prior.
          “In a world of pigs trying to look up your skirt, why don’t you just wear pants?”
          If looks could kill. I stared at her trying to firestarter me with her hate.
          “Do you need more time to answer? It seems like a straightforward question. Do you want men to look?”
          Trying to kill me with her eyes, she picked up her books and stormed out of the lecture hall. I never saw her in class again.
          Yes, is the answer. When they tell you not to do something that isn’t in your interests, the answer will always be yes.
          “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” Because children wouldn’t, otherwise.
          “You can’t have me.” Because you wouldn’t want her, otherwise.
          “Thou Shalt Not Covet.” Because you’d never think of doing it, otherwise. Who would sit there, just coveting? It’s insane.
          They do this suggestive sleaze with everything that isn’t in your best interests. They tell you not to do it, then throw up their hands up in exasperation when you do it. “Toddlers, what are we supposed to do with you? We warned you not to.”
          “We should teach boys not to rape!”

        6. Very happy to hear that. Thanks for taking a moment to say so. It was all well worth it then. Happy Memorial Day Weekend.

      3. spoken like someone who has never experienced it. you are merely regurgitating correct sounding pabulum.
        people with approach anxiety often lack the social skills to even make a normal, positive social impact.
        and yes its great to say that in theory she is doing you a favour by disqualifying herself, but the reality is that socialisation is about value demonstration and matching. by the very fact you must approach, her knocking you back effectively grants visible social power to her.

        1. Spoken like a 3rd grader who can’t even capitalize or punctuate a sentence properly.

        2. “All that’s required for man to get over it, is a simple refusal to subscribe to it” dude, nothing you say changes the reality that millions of men suffer from it genuinely. yes you can just approach without skill, but that changes nothing of the fact of fear of social rejection. this tips me off yu’ve never experienced it before. try talking to those who have experienced it

        3. OK, this is getting interesting.
          Actually I CAN change that reality.
          So please take 2 minutes and read this fully because I took the time to type it out for YOU — and you alone.
          I experience a sort of “rejection” myself, but in a different way. I happened to be tall (less than 4% of men on the planet are taller than me), but that in itself is not a blessing. ( even though shorter men are more openly “rejected” on the basis of height alone.)
          A shorter guy might say that I am really “lucky” that way.
          Bullshit. And I can prove it.
          Where a woman I never met would be more likely to say “yes” when I invite her to dance …. more women are also LESS LIKELY to engage in simple every day conversations with me because I am “intimidating” i recently learned.
          I was out for a walk and a dog in my path was walking rather slowly. He walked straight up to me and stopped for a petting. I smiled, looked down and was charmed by the little guy….. and I heard “oh oh” from the woman who was about 20 paces behind him.
          “OH OH???” What kind of reaction is that??? Im standing here still smiling at her dog and she is treating me like I am some kind of harmful & dangerous threat. She said he is a rescue dog and usually shy-ed away from tall men. She actually used the term “tall, intimidating men” to describe me.
          It was the first time in my life I was described that way.
          Then it occurred to me.
          Suddenly it made sense why I would enter an elevator and a woman I said “good morning” to would become instantly fixated on her phone as if to avoid some awkward human interaction. This happens far more FREQUENTLY than you can imagine, and you could say – for all intense and purposes – I experience “approach anxiety” in a different way. Minus the “anxiety”.
          The cute grocery clerk at the market (whom I see weekly) looks at me from across the store like she is attracted…. but when I “approach” her and make friendly conversation, she actually makes an effort to avoid looking me in the eye – even though I am looking straight at her. However, the guy before me (who is not handsome, shorter, and very casually under-dressed) got a “hi how are you today?” and a smile from her. Her entire persona SWITCHED the moment I approached her counter. I have been shopping there for 8 years. Other less attractive employees greet me as a familiar face, but the cute one does not.
          In actual fact, I can tell you if there was no such thing as a mirror……. I would think I looked like Shrek, by the way women treat me.
          I absolutely guarantee it’s JUST AS EASY for me to relate to men who experience “rejection”. In fact, I might even have to work HARDER because my looks and height appear to work AGAINST me.
          I just don’t take offense to any of it.
          How could I? I was BORN this way.
          Her reasons for not wanting to interact with me have NOTHING TO DO WITH MY BEHAVIOR OR ACTIONS…. just like a woman’s “rejection” of a shorter / more average looking guy has nothing to do with HIS. I know for a FACT that women will deliberately disqualify me — simply because I represent the kind of guy that she will have to compete with other women for.
          Think about that for a second.
          Imagine knowing that a cute chick will deliberately avoid interacting with you, because she think’s you’re a “player” and other women will want you too. Imagine she doesn’t want to get involved with you because you are a man with options.
          Guys who experience “rejection” and believe they “suffer” haven’t yet figured out that there is a 95% chance you will be “rejected”… even when you are advantaged and appear to have everything going for you!. Even though I don’t have “approach anxiety” I still “suffer” from it (to use your terms)
          This should be immensely illuminating for you. I saw a video on youtube about some gold digger financially raping her husband. Underneath it was a comment from a guy I will never forget. He said: “I used to feel bad about not being good enough for most women…… but now I am inclined to CELEBRATE it.”
          And that’s what I meant (above) by it not being any kind of loss – or a negative.
          Have an excellent weekend.

      4. It’s getting to be an employee employer relationship. Men have to apply, en masse, demonstrate worth, wait for feedback and callback to see if they get hired. The two schools of thought, ‘game’, and LMS, require inordinately immense amounts of effort either way, and still may not even pan out, while the women sit back and are accorded BOSS status for doing nothing except basic maintenance. MGTOW is the third option, and it appeals to me. My hobbies aren’t remotely interesting to women(as would be dancing, acting, singing etc), and my very satisfying job isn’t going to get me a fortune or much status. I’m not willing to bend my body into unnatural shapes using unnatural drugs. Or spend days haranguing with meaningless convo then pleading with women to give me their number even while they complain about fedoras, ‘nice guy syndrome’, harassment or ‘rape culture’, and play extremely hard to get. Women who respond to any of these things aren’t interesting to me anyway (not bitter). I’ll just continue to be amicable to women who come into my sphere, especially those that stare or say hi first, have meaningful discussions where possible, demonstrate kindness and leadership where needed, and if a connection happens it happens, if it doesn’t, it doesn’t

    3. You can get around it. Yadstop them and say hey in an authoritative, loud voice. Alternatively, you can Yadstop her and acknowledge that she’s on her phone. Both have worked for me.

    4. As far as group approaches, that’s one of my favorite things to do if I’m out scouting for chicks.
      Here’s how I learned to be confident with those: my wingman and I would go to our location, and we both liked to drink when we were out. So we made a rule that before you can order a drink you have to approach 3-5 (depending on circumstance) male/female groups and introduce yourself to all of the people in each group. We’d get in the front door, split up and get to work. We both wanted that first beer, so we had that motivation. And to be honest I lost my approach anxiety in just a few days. Approach anxiety isn’t strong enough to keep an Irishman from his ale.
      What I learned about group approaches is that one aspect of what you’re accomplishing is breaking the ice. Now you’ve shaken hands or hugged, exchanged names and a smile and parted ways gracefully, maybe with a joke. Now, an hour later when you are next to each other at the bar, away from the group, it’s only natural that you lean in and talk confidently, even toughing her shoulder. After all, you know her name AND her friends, and you’ve already initiated contact earlier, and it was comfortable. Works every time.

      1. Here’s a relevant tweet I just saw:
        Retweeted by Dagonet
        runsonmagic ‏@runsonmagic 1h
        It’s not that women wearing earbuds, or staring at cellphones don’t want to talk to people. They don’t want to be bored. So don’t be boring.
        Admittedly, American women have much lower attention spans than other women, but that’s the reality that needs to be dealt with. If possible though, travel or move. That’s what I did and I’m not looking back.

        1. The only person who has a lower attention span is you, not American chicks. So stay abroad.

    5. Intentionally walk right into them (or let them bump you) — there’s your “opener”, if you will. They’ll likely say “sorry”, then you can neg them and go from there.

    6. As far as day game, approaching pairs or groups is mostly a waste of time. How did you try getting a girls attention who was looking at her phone? If she’s moving and you stop her from the front, she has to look up from her phone. Strong eye contact and body language will get their attention. American girls are much more addicted to their phones, but you can still force them to look up.

      1. basically I tried saying “Hi, how are you?” like a normal person. This generally was enough years ago. Still, next time I’m out I’ll try again taking all the various points given in mind (and into action). We’ll see what happens.

        1. Try making some kind of observation, a simple compliment about how she was dressed or acting, follow it up with a light tease if something comes to mind. “How are you” won’t cut it for most girls as an opener. Give them something that sparks their imagination.

        2. I’ll try that. I mean, I actually got a bloody milf to pay attention to me at a pizza place for God’s sake. Very curvy, very attractive. Only thing was I slipped and called her beautiful, (she was flattered though) but that was because that was the first time I attempted to get an older woman’s attention and I was surprised it actually worked. It was a combination of what I learned here and confidence gained from not being broke. I’m thinking of doing it again but on purpose the next time- adding that I know it’s too strong but its the classiest way to say what I’m actually thinking, hint hint.

    7. They were just ignoring you. And it sounds like you’ve been getting “dissed long before cells were around.You think maybe it’s just you? There are men, like these blanket boys on here, who just have nothing about them that any female may find attractive. They are about as attractive as a cold fish.There’s just nothing masculine about them that gets that gina tingling. No, muscles aren’t manly, they just make you look like a meathead and a closet gay. Only homos go to gyms so that they can look at their butts in a mirror and look at other men.

      1. Of course I’ve been dissed before phones. I already said that actually, so way to fail at insulting me.

      2. I disagree with the gym thing. Yes on one hand looking fit is attractive to the opposite sex but I also go to the gym for me. It’s a hobby it’s my release. I love the feeling of lifting heavier and heavier and getting stronger, eating well and feeling good.

    8. Dude, why are you approaching girls at the mall? They are there to fucking shop lol not get hit on by dude. My old friends used to do that all the time. When they would go trying to hit on girls, I’m shopping for new shoes lol. Time and place man. Save the game for the environment its meant for. Dance clubs, bars etc. Friday nights is how we humans find our mates. Go get em tiger.

  6. Pretty lame article.
    Why should a reasonably looking man have to worry about being rejected and “bitch-faced” by these cuntresses?
    Couldnt they at least engage in some conversation?
    The approaching part is easy but the point is…why bother? I wont be able to determine interest in most cases, because they dont even care – if they are attractive enough for me to approach them they probably have enough orbiters and supplicants. If there is any interest in you at all you wouldnt have even have had to bother thinking through all this garbage…you would notice it in their look before you even came over and opened your mouth.
    The more you guys approach, the more it feeds these cunty cuntresses egos.
    Ignore ’em. Let those bitches do the approaching. This is 2014 for fucks sake.Equality.

    1. Yes. Men have got to stop enabling their own degradation. I have found myself in farcical situations where I’m effectively competing with a dozen guys, some of whom I can’t really compete with, and every single guy will be so far out of the league of this…inferior…painted, mindless thing, it’s degrading just to be involved.
      When it’s degrading to win, something is very wrong indeed. When the game is rigged, the only way to win is not to play.

    2. Well, whatta you want? You wanna bang good looking women and not get boxed into the relationship matrix? If you don’t give a fuck and pussy doesn’t interest you, then buy a dog, open a library, build a house. But don’t waste time chasing ass you don’t want.
      For everyone else though, the situation is pretty simple:
      YES, we live in fem-topia where every woman is a snowflake.
      YES, everything you do as a man, including doing nothing at all, is proof that you’re a villain.
      YES, Western men are unappreciated for lengths they go to in an attempt to be part of an accepted part of the society they have built.
      YES, the whole deal is rigged and fucked and a lot of Game is you acting like a performing monkey.
      BUT: If you want ass, GOOD LOOKING ass, not blown out chubby cougar-ass, you’re going to have to strap on your big balls, get your frame straight, get your approaches tight, and start playing the cards you have, not the cards you want.

      1. I have an investment banker buddy who earns 7 figures and after his engagement fell through he basically gave up with bitches. His notion was “Why waste time and money trying to game chicks and go on dates etc for sex or have one night stands with drunk cum dumpsters when I can just bang 9’s and 10’s for a small price which is basically for them to leave at the end of it”.
        So essentially whenever he feels the need he will bang centrefold model looking escorts and just concentrate on his demanding job.
        Although it’s hard for him to hold down a r’ship because he’s so busy

  7. The best way to pick up girls is explained here. Franck T.J Macky talks about how can you pick up a girl. Respect the cock and tame the cunt. No pussy has 9 lives.
    SEDUCE AND DESTROY, gentlemen.

  8. “How To Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety”
    Just tell yourself that she is a easy slut that is desperate for a good gina pounding from a real man and that success is guaranteed if you approach because she is that horny. A lot of them actually are anyways.

  9. Nice job emasculating the White man in the cover picture while the cool guy hittin up the chicks is Black

      1. ONLY in White countries are White men subjected to psychological warfare that tells us non-White are ‘cool’ and that women prefer them.
        ONLY White countries are targeted for this
        The attempt to destroy EVERY White country through 3rd World immigration and ‘assimilation’ is GENOCIDE
        ‘anti-racist’ is a codeword for Anti-White

  10. In 2012 I approached hundreds of women in shopping malls, clubs, bars, post offices, banks, cinemas, supermarkets and many other public places. The net effect of this was about 100 phone numbers and 10 lays. Conversion rate at 10%.
    My conclusion from this experiment was that approaching women is a MASSIVE waste of time and effort, you have to be ‘on’ all the time, everywhere you go, it’s very stressful does not equate into any value. It’s better to put this energy into other more meaningful pursuits, like learning how to breakdance (aka bboying), which keeps you fit and leaves you with a lifelong fulfilling skill which is both fun and unique.

    1. “It’s better to develop skills and passions that will draw women to you…”
      That’s game in its purist form. Elevate your worth. Good job.

  11. Eh…ultimately I think it’s not really fear of rejection that causes the most approach anxiety, but rather fear of the unknown. We don’t know how this stranger is going to react to us, especially if you lack something to say.
    Find something say and move toward your girl, and the anxiety will get reduced. Hell, just approach any stranger. You begin to find that you won’t really have any bad experiences. The worst that will happen is you’ll get ignored.
    Still working on this but it’s what I’ve found so far.

  12. Sometimes articles like these make people over think it to much and by the time they gather the correct frame, do 12 mental bridging exercises and formulate what they want to say in each situation the girl is nowhere to be found. I’m not saying its bad to have some sort of game plan when approaching but if I look at a girl and say “I want that”. I go get it.

  13. The best approach I have ever used is, “You’re cute. Can I have your mobile number?” With a smile on my face.
    If it doesn’t work, I don’t care. That’s the thing to learn – it does not matter if things do not move from there. In fact, if you do it enough, you can start to count on the girl carrying the conversation. She gets shocked out of her frame of mind by such a straightforward approach and it makes her naturally start cackling. These days, if my approach does not get the girl talking, I just walk away. Why bother with carrying a conversation?

  14. There are many cultures outside the anglosphere where there is no such thing as “approach anxiety” because these cultures are not seriously fucked and infested with haughty, cunt-assed females who have forgotten the basics of what it means to be human being.
    This is not to say this article is bad, because I think it has good information. But just look at all the ‘mental protocol’ that has to happen just to walk up to some westernized piece-of-shit with a vagina.
    Honestly, if one is suffering from “approach anxiety” it is a sign that is telling you that you are in a toxic environment and to not bother.
    Get thee to a country where women actually like men and you will realize that approach anxiety is something that one will only experience in unhealthy, man hating societies.

    1. Exactly.
      Your “game” might seem like its worthless here, yet in the right country / location you can see the true value of your skills.
      Since when is being friendly, positive, charming and personable a reason to get ignored/ look down upon on or get the “bitch-face” from a woman ?
      Only in America — from American females.
      I suppose probably Canada and Australia too, but I have no experience in those shitholes.

  15. This is a really *really* good article. Can you give some more.examples of bridging mindsets?

  16. Women are VERY picky. I do well with women, but they are picky as fuck. I went on a date with a girl and her fat friend came along. I watched the whale rejected a handful of guys that night.

  17. Very good article.
    One thing is missing from the bridging mindset; you might find that you are not interested in the woman. She could be boring. Some women are.

  18. you know what? NO ARTICLE can help you unless you decide to start approaching girls and read lots of articles about this but nothing seems to help :/

  19. Some of these tips are good…I got rid of my approach anxiety quickly by doing the program called Kill approach Anxiety by Alexander valmont . It works well. Tried many methods before that and didnt work.

  20. she’s smokin’ hot, the love of your life, the one… and you are building anxiety about going and talking to her, you go bluntly, squeezing your hear, like a man … you go there and you say hello and then you find out she has a lisp or dyslexic… now you tell me what was that anxiety for!!

  21. I think people don’t approach because they are not challenged to do so. The question is, “how bad you want to sort it out?”. I welcome you to my site, I assure you will approach –

  22. I fucking love this site! Every article is true, and it exposes the truth about todays women main stream doesn’t seem to want to reflect on.

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