Be An Active Participant In The Mating Game

You can’t present yourself as a high-value male without truly living the role. Standing as a man, straight-backed and confident with a steeled look in your eye, any woman who may be making eye contact with you is likely to be intimated to some extent, or at the very least have expectations if anything is to progress. You’re going to have to take control of the situation.

What does this mean? In the purest form, putting aside technology for now, just look at animals. During mating season, male pigeons are sticking out their chests, parading themselves amongst the others and aggressively pursuing the females. It’s quite funny, because the female pigeons sometimes look like they wonder what the hell is happening, when normally all of them are just pecking away minding their own business. Although I have my doubts, I’m sure they’re aware of what’s going on, the conniving fuckers.

Be The Best

Even if you’re walking around and have the belief you are the best you can be, a girl you see likely won’t do anything to initiate an approach. She might invite an approach, by sitting nearby, repeating eye contact, or doubling around so she walks past you again. But know, this is where you are expected to do something. She’s giving you the window of opportunity. Don’t dwell on it or any imagined consequences.

We put ourselves through much worse on a daily basis, by sitting on cramped public transport, going to jobs we hate and smiling through our gritted teeth at people we couldn’t really care less about. Initiating a conversation with a girl who is inviting you to do so is easier than any of these. In the age where the huge majority of men lean on technology or their work environment for 100% of their dating prospects, by approaching a girl directly you’re going to look like the fucking man.

Do remember there will always be some women who are just looking for validation. You’ll start the conversation and they’ll then act like you’re bothering them. Perhaps they’ll go quiet when you stay showing enthusiasm (I’ve noticed Brazilian women especially are really prone to speaking shortly with you following your opening lines). Don’t waste too much time with these types. Pull back and become a bit cold, show a casual attitude, like you are beginning to rapidly lose interest. If she doesn’t perk up, just make your excuses and walk away with your dignity, proud you took the step to initiate.

Context Is Key

Another important factor is context. Club game and online game are very similar, because you’re in a situation where women are constantly being validated, either by drunk dickheads or internet warriors. The best ways to counter this is to be a little more direct.

You should already know what your strong points are; employ them unreservedly. Escalate to a familiar enough level to get them to meet you in person if you are communicating online. Don’t leave too much time when you arrange to meet them – the same day is rarely possible but the next day should be standard. Remember, every day you waste between them agreeing to meet you and you actually meeting them is another 100 internet warriors elevating her ego by promising her the world.

In the same way, when in a club you have to be direct. I’m of course not saying you should be grabbing every girl of interest near you, but if you’re getting eye contact, you should be re-evaluating once or twice more at the most before going directly to the girl. Standing there like a mug staring at her is only going to transform you from “interesting guy” into “increasingly drunk weirdo.” Also remember, you’re in constant fierce competition when in a club. Even now, many guys only go to clubs to meet girls, because they know they’re more likely to meet a girl who will put out.

I would agree with this, girls go to clubs for attention and depending on how much attention they’re needing, this will determine how far they’re likely to go. It’s no secret when you meet a “party girl” who’s been around a lot, they exude a false veneer of confidence. They may appear confident in certain situations, but sit one of these women down and scratch below the surface; you’ll see there are massive insecurities. As such, they stand out in clubs, fucking guys when sometimes all the really want is the post-coitus hugs.

But that’s the way the world is. You should have a constant goal of escalation, increasing comfort while maintaining intrigue mixed in with generous helpings of physical contact, preferably with increasing intimacy. Remember, you’re not trying to grab her tits in the club – you’re trying to ignite her emotionally so she’s going to let you do whatever you want to them in the comfort of your own home.

Therein lies the key point; women are primarily emotionally driven. Your goal is to change her state to match whatever objective you have. This is for getting laid, for making a girl fall in love with you, for maintaining a relationship, everything involving women. Simply look at female-dominated work environments, which can be prone to being riddled with incompetence, yet sackings are rare because the “right type of person” and personal attachments are valued more than actual ability.

Disclaimer (sort of)

Despite what I’ve said here, there are a minority of good women out there—in my own experience of mainly western dating culture I would say about 5%. Don’t be so stupid to commit the typical male offense of thinking the girl you’re currently fucking is “different,” because she’s probably not. But if you are lucky enough to come across one of these quality minority, treat them as well (or just slightly less) as they are treating you. By employing these simple steps, you will ensure an active role in the topsy-turvy sexual marketplace of the west.

Read Next: The Difference Between A Woman’s Behavior And Her Intent

83 thoughts on “Be An Active Participant In The Mating Game”

  1. This and Jefe’s article today go well together.
    Here is a situation where quick decisiveness will do you a lot of good. If she is eye-fucking you, starting walking towards her and go start a conversation. Don’t just stand there staring at her… Don’t go buy another drink… Don’t turn to your friends and start some dumbass conversation about nothing…
    Unless you’ve got some kind of advanced multi-sequence master plan of action to fuck this girl, just go start talking to her. Be playful. Even if you get blown out you’ve only gained from the interaction. In the words of Quintus, “Go have fun and try and have sex”, thats it.

    1. I had an interesting decision to make based on this. Had an 9 outside (the hostess) who I had started working on and seemed to like me but then inside the bar, a 7 literally jumped on my dick and wouldn’t get off.
      The decision? Go with the sure thing or the better looking possibility? I decided a bird in hand was better than two in the bush. And so I got in her bush.

  2. “Your girl will come when you least expect”
    “You’ll find a girl when your not looking for it”
    “The right women will just drop down from out of the sky” (I made up)
    The lies that society and even some women will tell you it took me 2 years of getting out there to realise that action pays well in this area of life.
    I think a lot of men who dont know game or social dynamics simply don’t realise there potential when it even comes to dating or women and they settle for someone they think its great but in truth isn’t that great.
    Game, Daygame, Nightgame whichever game you do is fun, complex, tiring and mental/physical challenge but there are no other alternatives as unless you want to settle for a women below your standards or be in a relationship with someone just to be comfortably but not attractive with its not an option.
    I’ve talked with and dated
    and approached more girls in 2 year than my whole lifetime by approaching and taking
    action, I still havn’t found the girl I would love a relationship with but compared to where I was before I’m in a better position
    to get the best now.
    As the saying goes (Life begins at the end of your comfort zone) Usually its by taking action
    Good post!

    1. That “good things happen to those who wait” philosophy is basically the female view of the world. For them it’s true. A pretty girl just has to exist and be there and the guys will come to her.
      Every man must understand that for him it’s the opposite. If you’re a man nothing good ‘just happens’ for you. You have to be the one to make it happen.

      1. A long time ago I realize that female and male social acceptance seem based IMO respectively on verbs “to be” and “to have”. A woman just have to be (simply to exists) and good things will come up if she waits enough, but for a man, he must have money/fame/muscular body/big car/big watch/big social position/power/powerful relations/charisma/game … if he wants to earn something in this fucked up world.

        1. True to an extent, my friend. But don’t confuse the map with the territory. Those external trappings of success still require you to ‘be’ a certain way to be able to achieve them. But ‘being’ for a man comes about as a result of applied knowledge and effort. A good body requires you to be disciplined and to work hard for it. A successful career requires wisdom, vision, knowledge, determination and intelligent work. And so on and so forth. You can’t escape it. For a man, nothing comes from nothing.
          So maybe what you are saying could be summed up more accurately with this maxim: “A woman just is, but a man must become”.

        2. I would add one more. “To act”. A man must act. This is intrinsic to his nature. A man acts by hunting and bringing home fresh kill A woman waits passively for the food to come to her.
          When you act, the money, the muscle and the women come your way. You will get to a point when women literally throw themselves at you. All you have to do is catch them.

      2. Truth. You put yourself out there, you screw up and make mistakes. But sooner or later you find the right person. I worked in finance. and part of my job was to take over other companies. I took over a company where I had to sell limosine (was going out of business). I had to call literally 20 people a day for months, just to find a real buyer who was serious with a GOOD price. All in all after 2-3 months I found 2-3 real buyers. So aboot a buyer a month despite hundreds of calls.
        This is just like game or getting a job. Yes improve your game, improve your skill but a girl doesn’t just fall in your lap, and neither does a buyer. You will have to approach literally hundreds of girls, before you find one who actually worth dealing with on a medium term basis for whatever you are looking for.

    2. My personal favorite is, “You’re such a nice guy you’ll find a great girl.”
      Goes out to game and date and find that that all women are “strong and empowered”…but really they are all useless hookers. lol.

    1. No. Don’t let it get to you.
      If you recall the movie “300” with Gerard Butler where that hunchback Spartan wanted to be part of the army. His deformity did not stop his determination to be a great soldier. In fact, in the movie he carried himself as if he didn’t even have a handicap.
      I understand that this was a movie, but that is the mindset you should have. Confidence is what women find attractive.

      1. He was still rejected because of his deformity and he did what most nice guys do when rejected, he went postal on those who turned him down.

        1. You’re missing the point of my post. The character in the movie had a much more difficult challenges, but that did not stop him. He knew he was handicapped, but he didn’t feel that it was even an issue.

  3. “If it’s meant to be, it starts with me”
    -Dale Carnegie, or some dewd like him.
    À bientôt,

  4. Good advice, but the pickins are slim here in southern Cali aka land of the fat tatted, entitled, Mexihos

    1. sounds like you’re just making excuses. Southern California has plenty of hot women. I used to live in southern California…Long Beach to be exact. I wouldn’t cal the pickins slim, there’s definitely a whole lot more attractive women in California than other parts of the country. I just recently moved to Saint Louis, if you want slim pickins, come here.

      1. As a lifelong resident, I must admit St. Louis is one of the most barren hunting grounds known to man. You got to work for it every step of the way. You get all of the obesity of the South, and all the attitude of the Northeast. The bar scene here is almost nonexistent, and social circle game is paramount. The only saving grace for this dying town, is the fact that even by Western standards, the women here are extremely slutty. If you got her on a date or out of the bar, six hours at most, until you’re in there. If you didn’t attend one of the elite private high schools, and maybe even if you did, you better be in fantastic shape, and be some sort of DJ, bartender or musician, to regularly meet attractive women here outside of a work environment. Also, there is a sizable population of ultra feminist, SJW hipstresses here, that although while still promiscuous, are untolerable personality wise. During times of my life where I’ve been fortunate to live elsewhere, my experience here has paid immense dividends, as running game in St. Louis in many ways is akin to sparring with Roy Nelson. I can’t wait to leave this place for good

        1. just curious, how old are you and what part of STL are you in? I’m in Maryland Heights. Only reason I’m here is because I got laid off from my job and had no reason to stay in Cali. Housing in SoCal is just too damn expensive, so I decided to come here to Saint Louis because my sister lives here. Sort of regretting the move now. It definitely sucks here.

        2. Early thirties, one of the small cities off of I-170. Good times can be had here, but being non-local hurts. If you’re Arab, as your name indicates, that would make it even worse. Anyone with an accent can kill it though.

        3. Yes I’m arab, but born and raised in North Carolina, so I actually have a slight country accent

        4. Sorry brother, I’m talking about a European, English, or Latin accent. The job market here is horrible if you’re not a female, in tech, or hold an advanced degree. I hold a degree, and I deal cards for a living. Hope you’re having better luck in that regard, compared to SoCal.

        5. HR gigs, non-profit administrative, typical girl gigs. The job market here is bad, I started at a casino with the intention of eventually taking the experience to Vegas.

  5. All these kind of articles raises one question why we give too much shit about dating/fucking/meeting girls? I know that you have to understand red/blue pill concept to know that in real life villains gets all girls but isnt there better things to do – like traveling around the world or taking care of your body and mind? It really looks like everything man does in his life is one way or another related with getting inside tight pussy. Can we break free from biology or we are slaves of it?

    1. “… or taking care of your body and mind.”
      But your body and mind wouldn’t exist in the first place if it weren’t for your ancestors desperately trying to fuck one another.

      1. They had to desperately try to fuck each other. Survival was uncertain. A vast majority of their time was spent merely trying to live to the next day. If you had a chance to mate with someone and pass on your DNA you took it because tomorrow you might get eaten by a sabretooth tiger or squished by a wooly mammoth who didn’t appreciate you jabbing him with a spear or throwing a rock at him.
        If you had a chance to mate and you passed up on it, you greatly diminished your chance of passing on your genetic material. Every opportunity had to be taken. Every opportunity was precious.
        Things aren’t like that now. You don’t desperately need to mate with everything that passes by. Most likely you are not going to be dead tomorrow. Or next year. Or even next decade.
        Odds are you will have a long life and during all that time you will have many more opportunities to mate with someone and ensure your genes get passed on.
        No need to obsess about it constantly anymore.

        1. True, we do live longer, but our mating opportunities still decrease with age. We get less attractive physically and less able to perform.

        2. Partially. Men at older ages can still attract younger women fairly easily.
          While men can’t perform as often as when they were younger, dying at 65 or 70 still gives you countless more opportunities than dying at 15, or 20, or even 30.

        3. Mate, I went virtually three years without sex (long sad story for another time). Now that I have started having sex again, I feel set free.
          You are not free when you are not getting pussy. There is a deep psychological benefit to regular sex with a woman that satisfies you.

        4. Another thing too when you get older. You are less concerned about chasing 8s and 9s. I can be quite happy with a 6 or 7 as long as she has a pleasant personality, has good sexual chemistry, makes an effort to please you and is between 10 to 15 years younger. I’ll take that over a beautiful bitch any day.

        5. less able to perform as in how? well i remember i asked one guy in his late 30’s and he said sex gets more enjoyable for him each year, when i thought sex was the best in your 20’s, especially early to mid-20’s

    2. “- like traveling around the world or taking care of your body and mind?”
      That’s a good way to meet and get women.
      “Can we break free from biology . . .”
      Hold your breath for 10 minutes to find out.
      ” . . . or we are slaves of it?”
      No, we are it. You are not an ethereal being. You are a meat motor, driven to personal and genetic survival. You can, however, take hold of the wheel.

      1. Let’s dont go into extremes. Nor i’m saying that we are ethereal beings nor animals whose minds spins about fucking. Am I the only who thinks that all this “impress females” thing is overrated? For example a lot of guys goes to gym to get ripped just to get attention from girls, it’s the same with buying expensive cars. My point is why men waste their time on trivial things?

        1. To cut and paste myself:
          I went to college because physics, astronomy and engineering had always fascinated me.
          I strength train to be strong and robust. It makes life easier than being weak and fragile.
          I speed train to set course records and to be able to get myself around at a reasonable speed without relying on a motorized wheelchair. Plus it’s fun and motion is tranquility.
          I shoot in order to be able to provide my own food and defend myself. Plus it’s fun and there is a good deal of tranquility to be found in it.
          I design and make my own clothes because the things I think might be practical and/or cool cannot be purchased.
          Ditto for furniture, musical instruments, bicycles, electronic devices, motor vehicles . . .
          I sing and play musical instruments because it’s the brandy of the damned and I cannot lay claim to being blessed.
          I don’t hang out with women, they hang out with me. In other words, they go and do what I was already doing on my own, for my own reasons.
          If any of these things enhance my fuckability it’s incidental.

        2. If you are trully doing these things i congratulate you because you are already better than most of us (in a way you dont seek validation from others). You see my question was kind of rhetoric in a way that there’s no right answer, it’s up to reader to think about it.

        3. You make your own clothes? That’s awesome. I hate being a man with style, but being limited to the purchase of all the same crap that the dudebros and the beta masses wear.

        4. Only a person who doesn’t get regular sex would say such a thing. Go get laid and then tell me it is trivial.

        5. Btw, please do not cut and paste yourself. If you have problems there is always someone you can call.

        6. Bullshit. I’m celibate and waiting for marriage. I’m not gay, nor am I completely devoid of female attention. Plenty of men choose not to prioritize sex. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: fornication is rot on the soul. One man + one woman + for life + to the exclusion of all others, as the good Lord intended. If you cannot live without fornicating, that is your problem, but don’t be hating on men who can contain their animal urges.

        7. I guess you don’t eat, shit, or sleep either…
          If you make a choice to be celibate that is fine. The issue is when someone who doesn’t have sex says it is trivial. As someone who had gone a long time without sex and then had it again it is most definitely not trivial, as you will find out when you get married.

      2. When I consider the complexity of the human body, with all of the organisms and processes that exist apart from us, I sometimes feel that we are just passengers in our own bodies.

        1. I tend to think of myself as a semi-autonomous biological space ship, sort of like the Leviathans of Farscape, only different.

    3. “Can we break free from biology or we are slaves of it?”
      Tesla and Schopenhauer seem to have done that.
      Robespierre too.
      And they all seem to have totally forgotten to be dumb or mediocre.
      Go figure…

      1. I don’t know.. would you want to be like Tesla? Rumours he was gay or had been castrated. Regardless of the truth, these guys are really quite extreme examples.
        Maybe they didn’t get laid but I can certainly guarantee they did not break free of biology.

        1. A lot of rumours tend to be thrown at you when you stop chasing the holly pussy.
          That’s part of the shaming tactics, I think.
          I wrote a post on
          “Modern Women And Beta Males Are Like Circus Animals” explaining why I think that at least trying to escape from biology, can be good for some guys (not for all of them).
          Well, at least it has been for me.
          Of course they did not break free from biology, because … they died. 😉

        2. lol…
          It could be shaming or it could just be that they had no game. 😉 Honestly, I think they were so focused on what they were doing they simply had no time for pussy. But then there are other geniuses who had time for nothing else… like Da Vinci.

        3. “I think they were so focused on what they were doing they simply had no time for pussy.”
          Well that’s my point.
          When you’re so passionate about something that you don’t care about pussy, is when you’re becoming great at something. That’s the way men can “escape from biology”.

        4. Well, from what I read of his private life, he wasn’t such a player in his youth, he just took the women who always come at you when you’re in charge…
          Anyway, as an introvert, loner and everything… I tend to identify myself more with the geniuses I quoted, and as for fictional characters, I always was more inspired by Sherlock than James Bond…

        5. I’m the same (introvert, loner). For me the women came as I got older. Women love a loner. They throw themselves at you.

    4. Would have to agree with this. The better I get to know myself post 30, the more I feel a bigger picture. Yes, I know the testosterone begins to drop, but I still see women and think, “I’d bang that”. Trouble is, I think, “and then what?”. I was in Japan earlier this year and took a girl back to a love hotel. I was thinking this exact thing while banging her. An epiphany.
      Personality wise I am an INTJ (Myers Briggs personality test – pretty famous test), which makes me 1.5 per cent of the population – rare. I get drained very easily from prolonged periods around people, loud noises etc. Small talk irritates the shit out of me unless I have to for work or I already have a rapport with people. Which means I am incompatible with most people, who need the small talk to build rapport in the first instance.
      I never really enjoyed nightclubbing, although was a champion drinker, preferred small groups and social outings to loud noises and music and have never been interested in social status. I love my personal pursuits of sport, fitness, travel, work, movies, documentaries, knowledge etc. (yes I know, stuff that apparently makes me passive). I need my independence. I love solving problems. I get more pleasure out of feelings of steady contentment and soothing than exciting highs and buzz. I enjoy discussing ideas and concepts.
      When coming home from work I love to put some jazz on and just chill and calm. I am more content now than the previous 10 years trying to be something I’m not.
      In one way its a huge positive. My mind and body telling me that this is who I am suited to be. But its also my biology perhaps saying you were not meant to go forth and multiply.

      1. I am an introvert as well. And then what? Bang her again. Enjoy it. Don’t worry about it.

    5. Either you are gay or you have taken a vow of celibacy. You have evolved to do one thing. Procreate. That is your job. Succeed or fail.

  6. Yeah, uh huh. An episode of “Futurama” was effectively based on a 1986 study in calling a spade a spade. In that study the scientists thought they knew what the “it” factor that some men and women have over everyone else. We all know that some people have an “it” factor that makes them irresistible to others and sees them having more success in the dating/mating game. So they got physical measurements off a range of people as well as having them fill a confidential questionnaire as to their dating and sexual success
    And, derp, if science told us what we probably should have known already: people who have strong vertical bilateral symmetry have more partners, start earlier and have greater sexual success over their asymmetrical cousins. In other words, sexual success is innate because, as “Futurama” pointed out it’s about making sure those with strong, healthy genes get first dibs on passing them on to the next generation.
    Some here have been having fun by posting picturing of ugly, naked women in the comments section. But that’s the kicker: an ugly, naked woman is a turn-off whereas a beautiful naked woman is a turn-on. We biologically react positively to the chance of mating with a healthy young woman in her prime wheras we biologically shut down when given the chance of mating with an unhealthy woman outside her prime (assuming she even had one).
    Hence the secret to snagging women is to trick them into thinking that you have quality genes. As long as you’re handsome, healthily and strong in her eyes then she will react positively to you (she won’t have a choice)

  7. Wow, I actually did this. met a girl escalated and kept her moderately engaged with out looking like I’m needy. Got her on a date, escalated more kept a decent light and fun conversation. It was a bit easier than normal as she was actually good company and let me lead the date / interaction as well

  8. What happens in the pigeon community when 90% of female pigeons show obvious signs of extremely poor physical health?

    1. Then the male pigeons have three choices:
      1.refuse to reproduce and have their genes die with them
      2. settle for unhealthy pigeon-mates and have unhealthy offspring
      3. get the 10% that are in good health, propagate their superior genes

  9. You want women who don’t party/drink to oblivion?
    Go to the LIBRARY. Like honestly, you actually think you’ll find quality women in a bar/club?
    Man are you guys stupid? Or just lazy? Be warned though, library chicks are smart and you’ll need to really have game.

  10. Fun read. I’ll pass.
    (i just wanna point out that it’s now mating season so this article comes at a strange time.. not saying it’s orchestrated lol)

  11. Fucking good post. You deserve an honorable mention. This:

    Simply look at female-dominated work environments, which can be prone to
    being riddled with incompetence, yet sackings are rare because the
    “right type of person” and personal attachments are valued more than
    actual ability.

    describes working for the government perfectly.

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