Grab Your F*cking Nuts

Greg Plitt was a fitness model known for many things. From his ridiculously chiseled physique that allowed him to grace the cover of countless health and fitness magazines, to his amped-up motivational videos challenging people to transform their lives through attitude and dedication. He was a man that represented progression and never settled for anything less.

But perhaps the one thing I miss and remember him most for is looking into the camera in the middle of an almost-breathless workout sermon and yelling to the viewer,

“Grab your fucking nuts!!!”

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I recently felt those words pound the back of my head and send a jolt of energy through my testosterone. I was enjoying Happy Hour in the company of a few coworkers and taking advantage of one of my four complimentary drinks. At my table were seated three men, ranging in ages from late 40s to mid 50s. Two of them were married and seemingly quite pleased with their lives. The other was thirstier than a third-world soccer player who had played a full 90-minute game due to being cheated on by his girlfriend.

As I sat there helplessly listening to a 50-something’s sob story about a woman 10 years his junior, a cute brunette bartender was standing some 20 feet away from me. She was about five-foot-four with a chest that would make any white guy proud. She turned around so I naturally glanced over to see what she was working with from behind. She had the kind of ass that any self-respecting man, especially one of color like myself, could appreciate. I took notice. So did all 3 of my companions.

“He is single,” yelled one of them.

“And gainfully employed,” added another.

The cheated one added,

“You know, he is a really great guy. You should give him your number.”

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The alcohol-fueled debauchery was typical when in the presence of an attractive woman and older guys, particularly married ones. Men who insisted such antics were justified through their belief of temporarily living vicariously through a young single man. Someone that perhaps reminded them of a time when life may have been a bit simpler. Maybe they were younger or more fit or at least felt that way.

Regardless of what it was, it never bothered me. I often went along with the whole thing and the show would usually subside after a few feeble attempts to get Miss X’s attention. This time, however, that would not be the case.

The taunting grew louder and more aggressive in tone. One of the guys went up to the young lady and asked for her number and then insisted on getting an answer when she did not comply. After that, he went back again and tried a second time insisting I “deserved” it and she would owe it to herself to give me a shot. Three guesses as to which Casanova pulled that stunt off.

All of a sudden, these guys are asking me loudly if I would like her number and repeatedly commenting on her beauty as if I was sitting several rows beneath them at Yankee stadium. I caught the girl making several uncomfortable faces and trying to disguise her emotions with bursts of nervous laughter. It was indeed a painful sight to see and hear for those around but even worse to endure.

After witnessing my other coworker make his rounds to remind her about my presence yet again, I had about all I could take and was ready to put an end to the whole spectacle. I did not need anyone playing “match-maker” for me and much less in the way these guys were going about it. I did find the bartender attractive but didn’t want to approach her in a way that made it seem I was being “peer-pressured” by my three coaches.

Maybe it was the fact that I was being tested or just wanting to enjoy the rest of my free drinks minus the buzz kill but whatever it was, I suddenly heard the phrase “grab your fucking nuts” and my legs began to move.

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The Action

Even the fact that I was in crutches couldn’t deter me. I had so many thoughts and emotions going through my head as I made my way to her that I didn’t even know what was going to come out of my mouth. I mean, sure, she was hot and a notch from her would undoubtably earn a VIP slot on the belt, but to approach her in such a manner after such heckling went completely against my MO. I had more swag in my game, but at the same time, didn’t even know what was “right” anymore as I re-played the entire fiasco in my mind. The trip was short and I stood face to face with her before I knew it.

“Hey” I started with a smile. “Regardless of what you may think, I have never seen those men in my life until today. I promise you.”

Against all odds, my confession was met with a laugh and bashful glance that, to my surprise, broke down her barrier and opened the door for a natural conversation. It would go on for several minutes and end with us making plans for a future date and a kiss from me to her.

The experience taught me great things can happen when we are challenged, but only if you are wiling to take a risk. That risk, no matter how well calculated, might not always give you what you desire but it always gives something. If you win, you achieve satisfaction. If you fail, you become wiser. Remember to embrace the unexpected next time you may be faced with an obstacle or fearful of an outcome.

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Grab your fucking nuts and take a risk! You may be surprised what you get out of it.

Read Next: The 6 Commandments Of Masculinity

31 thoughts on “Grab Your F*cking Nuts”

  1. “They used to say, if man could fly, he’d have wings. But he did fly; he discovered he had to. Do you wish that the first Apollo mission hadn’t reached the moon, or that we hadn’t gone on to Mars and then to the nearest star? That’s like saying you wish that you still operated with scalpels and sewed your patients up with catgut, like your great, great, great-grandfather used to do… Dr. McCoy is right in pointing out the enormous danger potential in any contact with life and intelligence as fantastically advanced as this. But I must point out that the possibilities — the potential for knowledge and advancement is equally great. Risk — risk is our business.”
    –Capt. James T. Kirk, the man with the biggest fucking nuts in the Alpha Quadrant, and with the notch count to prove it.

    1. you always regret what you don’t do…..
      from my experience, even the most disastrous decision can be turned into a positive, by continuing to take further decisions and taking into account errors previously made…. not getting emotional and not beating yourself up over it…

      1. A thousand percent agree. Many a hot lady have I regretted not doing anything because I used a relationship, my own, as an excuse. Other screw ups equated to some of my proudest moments.

    2. The lack of life here, and the lack of any finding in fifty years of the SETI program, indicates that life is rare, and intelligent life even rarer. And yet the whole meaning of the universe, its beauty, is contained in the consciousness of intelligent life. We are the consciousness of the universe, and our job is to spread that around, to go look at things, to live everywhere we can. It’s too dangerous to keep the consciousness of the universe on only one planet, it could be wiped out.”
      Kim Stanley Robinson- Red Mars 174-175
      You know your society is in trouble when someone says “let’s explore” and everyone else jumps on them for it. Kennedy said we would go to the moon and we did. Everyone forgets how many American youth were inspired and went into hard sciences because of that. That alone was worth the cost of the trip. But today people are so risk adverse they don’t even want other people- real explorers to take any risks. Pathetic.

      1. I salute you for taking the risk of plunging into a Kim “why use one word when six hundred will do” Stanley Robinson novel.

        1. I see that as a valid point. Still haven’t found any science fiction that explores Mars the way he did.

  2. Not to mention the thrill risk and the unknown bring, it makes you feel alive and when you actually succeed, well the euphoria is unmatched.

  3. Wherever the impetus came from, unlike Greg Plitt, you acted exactly as was necessary to defuse the situation and reduce the risk factor to the normal background level, or even rather lower.
    Seems like the exact opposite of risk to me.

      1. What I give him credit for is saying exactly the right thing to defuse the bomb his “friends” stuck under his chair. With instincts like that I don’t think we have to worry too much about his turning out OK.

    1. In a Pelican case tossed into the Pacific Equatorial Countercurrent from Bougainville Island.
      How to get the case to Bougainville Island is left as an exercise for the student.

  4. Many married men, especially in the U.S. above age forty, want all single guys to be, ah, also under control. Something about spreading out the harness. . . .
    You sound pretty young. Pick your own women, in your own time. Likewise your drinking companions. Cheers.

  5. Probably not the best headline picture.
    Remember you can always pull a George Costanza and do the opposite of everything you would normally do. Trust me, it’s fucking gold.

  6. Great story. I’ve been in the presence of such game-killers myself, and it’s not fun. Kudo’s for grabbing your nuts and stepping up to the plate. A story to encourage others to do the same…

  7. pretty messed-up how Greg Plitt died. according to wikipedia, he was trying to ‘out run’ a train, as part of a publicity stunt/commercial for an energy drink? good grief.

  8. “Against all odds, my confession was met with a laugh and bashful glance that, to my surprise, broke down her barrier and opened the door for a natural conversation.”
    Actually, this was a plus move to let the tension out of the situation by providing comfort to a nervous girl. In any kind of bar situations (x10 if it’s a strip club) girls are always aware of the “drunk guy acting out” scenario, b/c they have to balance unwanted attention and not getting hassled by management for ticking off or bouncing paying customers, so by defusing things, and revealing yourself to be a human being, you actually nailed the dismount.
    Once upon a time, I was in a strip club with a buddy of mine (he’s an addict). It was a Friday, we’d had a late dinner and it was spur of the moment. I wasn’t carrying a lot of $ and my pal was going long on dumping all his $. So I was chatting up a Russian dancer (I speak decent shotgun Russian, so could chat with her a bit in her native language).
    By and by I had spent what I was willing to, so I told her I was out of $. It was a Friday means a lot of guys were going to come in buzzed or worse (I was sober). So she told me that she only had 30 minutes left on her shift, and offered to dance for me, for free, rather than being groped by drunk assholes, until she went off shift.
    Sometimes, it’s the “be a human being” move that wins.
    Mistral

  9. This can also apply to other things than women. I remember being on a soccer team losing 1-0 to a good team at half-time. Our players playing like they were afraid of them. I’m not the captain but I said fuck it. I took charge of the team, starting bust my ass off and that set an example. We tied the game 1-1, with me scoring lol. Sometimes you can’t just be hesitant, you have to lead and take charge. If I didn’t we would’ve lost badly.

  10. What a piece of shit article. It doesn’t take balls to talk to a fucking woman my god. That is putting pussy on a pedestal. And it’s ironic that the term grab your fucking nuts comes from a roid muncher whose balls are non existent. Thanks for the quip about white guys too, cause you know we’re all so lame.
    So much garbage on this site now.

  11. I hate this situation too. I’m a total agent and when I’m around those kinds of guys they tend to think that I’m too scared to make a move, when in fact I’m waiting for them to finish embarrassing themselves so I can have a one on one without awkward desperation tainting the air.

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