How To Adjust Your Game As Your Social Value Increases

There’s a common mantra out there told to the fellas who are just beginning their journey of self-improvement: “Fake it ’til ya make it.”

Which is all fine and dandy, but it can be a difficult adjustment when you actually make it. Things change as you develop into a well-rounded and confident man. Today, we’re going to talk about how your interactions with girls change as you continue to improve who you are as a man. The same things you say to a girl when you are just starting to work on yourself will not go over the same way two years later (assuming you’ve improved significantly).

Of course, you’ll also hear that game is game, and that it works universally. This is true, but this is assuming that you stay the same. Once you start to grasp the concepts as to why your tactics must evolve, it will make sense.

An Example

thenerdswon

When you first start approaching girls, there’s a chance you could be in better shape. You could probably be making more money. More than likely, you need to work on your general charm and confidence. These are all fair assumptions to make, because if you already had all of these things—guess what? Girls would already be flocking to you. There would be little need to actually learn game.

You have to learn game in order to get the girls you want. You’ll need to tease them a bit more, to be more aloof, and to overall give them a perception that you are higher value than them. You do this by teasing, being slow to respond to her texts, and more game is the great equalizer in this sense.

However, let’s flash forward a couple of years. You’ve gone down the self-improvement journey. You’re now in excellent shape, making good money, and several years of practice with the ladies has improved your social skills.

Now, the positions are reversed, because YOU are higher value than the girls. All of a sudden, it’s the girls who are insecure. It’s them that wonder if they are worthy of you. The same tactics that would charm a girl when you are a beginner will now scare them off. And it’s not because you’re creepy, or anything of the sort.

It’s because now, THEY are intimidated by YOU.

You see, as you became a money-making, iron-destroying, charming man—you rose to the top of the food chain. Now, women are naturally attracted to who you are in that very moment. It doesn’t require you to knock her down a peg or two. You’re already a step above her. A neg or insult that would have previously made her panties wet will now backfire on you tremendously.

Real Life Played Out

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An average-dressed man approaches an attractive girl in a club. He’s a bit intimidated by her. He’s wearing jeans that don’t quite fit, has an extra 20 pounds to his gut, and is pinching pennies. He’s certainly not going to offer to buy her a drink. He knows, from experience, that she’d take it and disappear. At first, she tries to blow him off—but then he grabs her attention by telling her she looks like an adorable squirrel. All of a sudden, she smiles and gives him time.

A man in a well-fitting suit approaches the same girl. He’s not intimidated by her beauty at all, because he’s done it a thousand times. He’s in excellent shape, and has the money to afford the night out. He’s not going to buy her a drink at first, but may consider it if he likes her company.

Do you think the chipmunk line is going to have the same effect as it would for the first man?

It’s hard to put absolutes on a hypothetical scenario like this, but it’s probably not going to have the same effect. By being well-dressed, in shape, and giving off an aurora of confidence, the second man is already in the door with this girl. To hurl a phrase like that too soon may cause this girl to become too insecure and clam up.

By virtue of his hard work to get where he is in life, he has a better opening chance than the first man would.

Not All Is Black & White

shadowofmaninsuit

If there is one thing I’ve learned throughout my journey with women, is that life is not black and white. While we would like to systemize sex and relationships into a formula that works every single time, it’s simply not possible. That is the beauty (or curse, depending on how you want to look at it) of life.

The point is, as you evolve as a man, the same things that worked for you once will not work every time as you move through life, as I’ve illustrated above. It doesn’t apply just to women, either. If you look at it at a really basic level, it’s this:

When you first graduate college, you’ll hardly be given the time of day for prospective employers. However, it only takes a few opportunities until you’ve got some experience under your belt. If you go back to that same prospective employer with five years of killer experience under your belt, they’re going to give you a chance.

The reality is that dating and game is somewhat similar to an interview. You’re going to be approaching the girl, putting your best foot forward, and seeing what she thinks of it. If she doesn’t like it, that’s too bad—but not the end of the world. If she does like it, great. The more experience you have in life, the more value you have. The more value you have, the more attractive she will find you from the get-go.

It’s all about the value you bring. An employer isn’t going to hire someone who can’t bring value to the company. A potential employee with five years of experience in the industry is a lot more valuable than someone just out of college.

Final Thoughts

This is not meant to be a cut-and-dry post. A lot of times out in the field, it won’t make sense. When this happens, it’s a good reminder that, despite this post, game still trumps all.

It’s better to be a bit too mean than too nice. It’s better to tease her than to kiss her ass. But as you grow, if the old stuff doesn’t seem to be having the same effect, take a step back. Look at the bigger picture.

Realize it for what it is: a sign of progress in your development as a man. Adapt and grow your game accordingly, and your potential will reach even greater heights.

If you want to learn how to meet more girls online—check out my book, Cracking OkCupid. For more travel, game, and digital nomad advice, visit my blog at This Is Trouble.

Read More: 5 Reasons Why The Skeptics Are Wrong And You Need To Learn Game Now

60 thoughts on “How To Adjust Your Game As Your Social Value Increases”

  1. I wholeheartedly denounce that phrase, “Fake it ’till you make it.”
    Better is the phrase, “Believe it until you become it.”

    1. I’ve commented on this before.
      Just make it! Stop playing around. I’ve made it, and respect younger men who are still a-work-in-progress rather than guys faking being a player thinking people won’t see through their thin, fake veneer.
      Real players and seasoned gentlemen can spot a poser within 30 seconds of interaction. Don’t make your first impression a fake one.

      1. This is a good point you make, real game is so natural that it is not noticeable but instead is a way of being, but certainly takes time and practice to master.

    2. That is very sound advice faking success makes a man small and a liar more so unreliable. Besides the authors good intention this short of thinking is the best for the creation of losers that there is as one may dwell in fantasy, severing the link with reality due to its harshness.
      Successful people feel successful and strive for it, it is a mentality. The key in the whole situation is for starters self improvement, for your own sake, never for others, that is very important, because if you do this for anyone else you are dependent on him, therefore inferior to him. That is even more true if one struggles to better himself to take girls this makes him inferior to them and the moment he fails to have or surpasses the desired’s abilities, either he stops completely or he loses motivation.

      1. So you are saying, if a guy feels like he needs a girl to feel more complete, he should immediately stop himself from seeking possible girl friends, because his motive is skewed and will just cause more anguish than before when he was single?

        1. Basically I said that he should not do it in order to find girls, he should do it for himself and finding girls is a plus, in fact a secondary goal not a primary. Two men might seek girlfriends and better themselves the one for his own betterment the other in order to find girls and the differences will be long-term. For example the one who does it primarily to find girls will regress the moment he will be in a relationship or after a breakup, the other though won’t be skewed by such an event or stop the moment he is in a relationship.

    3. LOL. Hey RonaldReganRemix. I just noticed who posted this. I guess we shall discuss this idea further at our tribal happy hour ritual later this afternoon.

  2. Good points made in this article. I agree that strategies have to change over time. I’d like to add that what is referred to by Roosh as ‘clown game’ simply is not something a man over age 40 should be doing. At some point he has to come up with a more tailored strategy that works for him – and this could differ with other guys over 40.

    1. I agree but would set the age at 30 and say that even under 30 it shouldn’t be used but that I can let it pass

      1. At 30 it could depend on the guy, but I do think even clown game could become obsolete at some point. I recall when game was being developed in the 1990’s – that many of the tactics used back then (aside from some of the ‘housekeeping’ things like working out at the gym and not putting the pussy on a pedastol) would backfire today.
        Likewise, the means and tactics of game will be quite different 20 years from now. It may be that game gets replaced by an app where men are simply qualified by women based on the amount of assets and resources he has to his name.

        1. I held Dave DeAngelo’s clown manual as sacrosanct until I saw it grew fruitless when I hit 30. Plus, the women on this cold side of the former Eastern Bloc don’t respond at all to negging. They either take it very personal or just don’t get the humour. Plus, women also lose respect for clowns quickly. Clowns become the funniest bloke in her friendzone lot.
          I believe, that reaching a certain age, one cannot lose the ability to draw an intelligent and disarming joke at the right moment, without losing your glamour.

    2. I believe clown game to be highly problematic, it may attract at a time but it makes a warped power relation between the couple. The man becomes an entertainer to the woman and this puts him below her thereby making him dependent on her. Also there is nothing more pathetic than a person faking success, in my family we have such a guy and remained all his life a great failure but always gave an air of success, today he is destitute.
      Anyway I believe that men should better improve themselves for their own sake not minding women if they do it to be successful on skirthunting that still makes them dependent, therefore inferior, the greater success should be understood as a bonus rather than the main goal.

      1. Good insight. What does your family member do now that he is destitute? Is he still hitting on young women?
        And I agree too that there comes a point where one decides to stop the bullshit and do things for self improvement rather than being a half-assed entertainer.
        That said “just be yourself” never gets the young hottie – unles one is a coke dealer, a rich and famous rock star, or entertainment media mogul.
        But at some point – when a man gets enough tits and ass in his life he becomes more “done” with them. That is to say that he may still welcome female affection from a young hottie with a daddy-complex, and that is certainly welcome. But that also means that he has had enough high quality T&A in his life where he will not tolerate being hit on by some saggy titted grandma – that he would either spend his time chatting a spring chicken or be alone – rather than staring at an annoying bag of liver spots who won’t shut the fuck up.

    3. This. I give credit to players in the 90s who took game mainstream, but it mostly feels customized for males under 30 with limited experience with women. I was recently skimming free online copy of Mystery Method and surprised at how ‘basic’ it was.

      1. Ross Jefferies, as early as the late 1980’s, was the first author to do the talk show circuit and officially declare that the system was rigged against men. When his first book came out he was on mainstream shows like Phil Donahue, Sally Jesse, Jenny Jones, etc to plug his book on seduction to less than accepting feminist audiences. And I have to admit it was a breath of fresh air to hear someone tell it like it is on these nationally syndicated shows.
        His Speed Seduction theory I thought was somewhat interesting, and it evolved to be more analytical of each female, but even then the “weasel” phrases and seduction phrases were limiting, and they were not something I would use naturally in the course of interacting with a skank.
        Mystery came along with some techniques I thought were a bit better, (for example, never introduce yourself – if the bitch is interested then she will ask for your name – if she’s not interested in you, introducing yourself will not make her attracted to you) and at that time his methods were considered the cutting-edge at the time. I would say that mystery was quite the quintessential clown with his high heels, black nails, and top-hat.
        But still that approach wasn’t for me niether – and, like everything else, times change. If Mystery showed up today to any nightclub sporting the same attire he would get his ass laughed out of the house.
        Indeed the techniques change over time due to shifts in social dynamics and technology – the latter being the more influential today – with no telling where it will lead to next.

        1. The idea behind Mystery’s crazy outfits is for schlubby guys to invite shit tests from girls. It forces the schlubs to overcome the shit tests, which then creates attraction.

  3. No apologies for veering off topic here, but it’s that time of the year, and I could use a Christmas girlfriend. Now the advice I want is how much do I spend on a gift? I was thinking $10 per every good lay she gives me. If I don’t nut, it don’t count – no $10 toward the gift. Ten dollars, maybe that’s too much, or maybe I’m slipping into betatude by working so much overtime and neglecting my game.

  4. Nine times out of 10 it’s a women who says (and abides by) the whole “Fake it ’til ya make it” ideal — and usually with a vapid shit-eating grin on their faces. Bimbos. So if you’re a man and you’re doing that, you need to recognize what a low domain you’re in.
    Never fake it, because you just fake yourself and no one else — you will be underestimating how many others can sense your lack of substance. The “fake it til you make it” type of personality, in my experience, is often bereft of deep self-awareness and gets harsh reminders of their true status/condition all day long. I view them as incomplete and generally incompetent at something, and their attitude is not too far from just being an outright liar. And liars of any kind get sorted and relegated to the back.
    I much prefer the accomplished overachiever who has occasional doubts about himself, makes self-deprecating jokes with his buddies from a standpoint of experience and winning, and pretends he sucks at things when he really doesn’t. That’s the best kind of “fake” there is.

  5. Here’s a trick. A small and subtle one. Don’t drive a company car. The soft suspensioned office on wheels is a beta cuck hotel room with an engine.
    Always, always drive a sports car. One which requires actual observation and fucking FUN.
    Not necessarily a 2 seater. Just not a fucking boring saloon or SUV that screems you want to take it up the shitter.
    The little things add up to bigger things

  6. There are tons of tricks and adjustments that a guy can make to his game. But if you just steadily work on yourself to the point where you are successful, you won’t need any tricks at all. Magically, you’ll be every girl’s dream, no matter your age or physicality. Plus, at that point, you won’t need any of ’em, which makes you even more attractive, and less dependent on individual outcomes. If a girl isn’t interested, you can bet that her friends will be. In which case, she’ll become interested, too. It’s a crazy, beautiful, magical, domino effect, when you achieve success. The odd thing is, it makes you feel more contempt for women, because their true colors can then be seen right out in the open (yes, they are gold diggers and money trumps everything else). But it makes it a whole lot easier to fuck beautiful women and/or find LTR or STR candidates (short-term relationships, my preferred way to fly, opinions vary there), which is the whole point of the exercise.

    1. Beg to differ, Bob. Financial success attracts women and it always will, but there are plenty of well-to-do betas ripe for ladies to descend upon and ruin. Those otherwise accomplished men will be rolled by their paramours, unless they get wise.
      Game is necessary for self defense. Game is the master key to the worldview that every man that aspires to a decent life needs– if for no other reason than to preserve his dignity.

        1. Thanks for saying so. In my experience, a man may rise high in the world of men via excellence, honor, and follow-through. He may then apply these genuine virtues to his life with women, and find himself wondering why he has been chumped and destroyed.
          Game is the answer.

  7. As a rule I completely agree. However my personal journey of self improvement has led to the conclusion that in becoming a superior man, improving everything about oneself gives a certain disgust and elevation above modern women.
    In that respect to assume I should continue to use charm to ingratiate myself with this lower level consciousness creature is self defeating.
    I have improved. I think my desires have improved as well. If it’s sex with beautiful women I want, well I’ll throw a few bills on a whores face after she’s sucked the desire right out of me.
    http://thesavagelifestyle.com/prostitutes-better-modern-women/
    Then I can go back to more important shit…..building my empire. When a man wants a nice meal he doesn’t go around “charming” people until they give him a sloppy handout. He goes to a place where they are serving just what he likes, tosses his coins down and expects to be filled.
    This is how I feel with women now that I’ve been improving myself for a long time.
    Sit down. Shut the fuck up and start sucking is the extent to which I want to conversate with a woman.

    1. This is a good point. I’m really turned off by promiscuous girls. It makes me sad. I wish some of these chicks just kept their damn secrets inside. Somehow they end up telling me all their sexual history, and then I friend zone THEIR asses.
      Why am I wasting my time to get to know any girl over 30? By then they are freaking used up. Might as well be a prostitute and save my time.

      1. Exactly. This is the realization I think many men will come to in today’s gutter of a society we find ourselves in.
        From a cost-benefit analysis alone this is a much better scenario for a man. Not to mention you are helping rebalance the artificial value the zeitgeist places on pussy.

    1. That’s so noir.
      I think even the most avid subscriber to MBM would try to prevent the female(s) he orbits and/or pays the bills for, from getting hold of the PMF mag.

  8. I can validate this post in my own life. I comment occasionally and many may know that I’m a self employed men’s tailor. I built the biz from scratch because my criminal background prevented me from getting a job. So, yes, “I made it”. I was hitting on all 8 cylinders but I had a fatal flaw that caused a collapse in my life: an out of control EGO.
    It caused me to screw up a marriage and go through a divorce. Whatever…I moved past it.
    Fast forward a bit as soon as I got divorced I just wanted to fuck every girl that I could and I rightly did…but there was always a nagging reality that the level of quality in the women I was boning wasn’t the highest…yet I had made it. In shape. Established. Well dressed. Blah blah blah. My thoughts were what gives??
    So I started learning game to fix the problem. Where I started was with goofy teasing pick up lines. I was falling flat everytime.
    Finally I realized that my life and image that I was conveying was too established and too put together to justify clown game. It made me look weird to women to wear a $2k suit perfectly tailored but then fall flat with a dumb over powering neg/insult.
    It didn’t take me long to adjust and realize that I had already passed thru that clownish early phase of game and just because I got divorced didn’t mean I needed to return to it.
    Instead, I started developing that real inner game of chasing after principles of masculinity and being a fully congruent man who draws emotional state from inside myself rather than from my environment.
    The results? I now reject women regularly because I’m dating a 9. Ironically, the same kindof way they used to reject me. The tables have turned.
    Thanks for the article, Kyle!

    1. Think of a woman’s attraction as an electrical wire. You fried it. Those of us who are older, or established, or really really really really good looking like Zoolander need to consider the limitations.
      After my divorce, I blew up a few dates by being too aggressive in teasing. Then I realized that my own market value had actually skyrocketed in the seven years since I’d been in the field. No need to artificially spike attraction; it’s already spiked just by my presence. All we need is to act strong, be direct, and show good manners. Much easier than age 23, that’s for sure.

  9. Totally. I, as very well built man, with handsome face, natural charm, and some money (not rich but definitely some disposable money), few years ago, was insecure around women.
    I had no idea that I just need to show up and act mild – interested. They come alone.
    I lost probably..hundreds of chicks because I was running routines, negged, and other things that some guys do.

  10. Something I wasn’t prepared for in my late 30’s was adjusting to women aggressively hitting on me. The hair on my head is still solid brown, but I have grey streaks developing on both sides of my beard. I asked a couple of my older buddies about this and they said they had similar experiences. Women seemed more fixated and attracted to our greying beards, than younger non greyed facial hair. We surmised that a man who still has some color in his hair but his beard is greying must be a sub-conscience signal to women that this man is hitting his “prime”.

  11. The more I’ve interacted with women the more I’ve realized that game is over rated. Status is a more powerful tool to use in the pursuit of women.

  12. Adjusting game depends the most upon the type of girl you’re dealing with. The more you interact with people, the more adept you get at being able to read people and what they’re about, before they speak a word.
    So (generally) with the quieter, shy and demure girls, being more “forward” and up-front with your intentions is the way to attract them. They might blush, giggle or be unable to look at the ground and smile when you compliment them, but these are all signs that you’re in. On the other hand, the more cocky, out-spoken girls or the ones who get lots of male attention require you to hang back a little bit more. Be a bit more stand-offish, and don’t compliment them unless/ until they give you legitimate incentive to. Don’t be afraid of “arguments” with them. It’s a shit-test of the most obvious kind. Once they realise you’re legitimately “take it or leave it” and you won’t lose a wink of sleep if they despise you, they’re hooked.
    I’d stress that above game, learning to become a conversationalist is your key into many doors. The better you get at conversing with all different groups and demographics of people and the quicker you can leap-frog small-talk to having real, in-depth conversation, the better your relationships and the better your game, as a result.

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