Travel

6 Reasons Why Portland Sucks For Single Men

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I relocated to Portland from my hometown of Syracuse, New York last year as part of a cross-country trip to see America and change my life. While I like the place—there are a lot of cool people and things to do here—Portland is not a city for everyone, and it’s definitely not a place you want to go to get laid. Here’s why…

portlandwet

1. The weather is miserable.

Seeing as I grew up in the snowiest large city in the U.S., I figured dealing with the weather in the Pacific Northwest would be easy. I was wrong. In the winter, Portland’s stretches of rainy or overcast weather are so long that you’ll start to forget what the sun looks like. From the time I arrived in December all through January, there were maybe two or three days total that the city wasn’t blanketed in gray storm clouds. I’m pretty confident that the lack of sunshine—and the resulting depression caused by Vitamin D deficiency—is partly responsible for Portland’s lazy “yeah, whatever man” culture.

portlandbums

2. The city is bum central.

I’m not exaggerating when I say Portland is full of bums, and I’m not talking about the hipsters. Thanks to the mild winter weather and limp-wristed police force, PDX has a huge population of homeless people. Hell, this city was where the term “skid row” originated. When they aren’t sucking down free meals from the Rescue Mission, Portland’s transients are either panhandling for smack money down at Pioneer Courthouse Square or pacing back and forth on the Burnside Bridge muttering the n-word to themselves. Because the city council lacks so much as one vertebra of backbone, their “solutions” to the homeless problem consist of letting them fare jump on the MAX and loiter in the Central Library all day, which now has a permanent funk of B.O. and dried urine.

portlandfatgirl

3. The women are overweight and/or unhealthy looking…

Portland is supposedly one of the fittest cities in America, but you wouldn’t know it by actually visiting here. The average Rose City girl either has a beach ball-shaped body or looks like an Auschwitz survivor; nothing in between. Add in their pasty flour dough skin and you can go days without seeing anything you’d want to bang. And like Toronto girls, Stumptown’s womenfolk have a disturbing obsession with stuffing their faces, as evidenced by quirky local eateries like Voodoo Doughnut and the absurd number of late-night food trucks littering downtown.

4. …and the few that aren’t look like Mad Max extras.

Because hipsters lack any semblance of imagination, they always choose to express their “individuality” in the most hackneyed ways possible: getting inked and pierced. Most girls here are covered in tacky tattoos and have enough studs in their faces to set off metal detectors. Additionally, they love dyeing their hair in ridiculous clown colors and cutting it short Skrillex-style. If you regularly jack off to the BBW section of Suicide Girls, you’ll be in hog heaven in Portland; guys who like slender, feminine women need not apply.

portlandnightlife

5. Nobody wants to talk to you…

You’d think a city half-comprised of people from other states would be more welcoming, but nope. Portland is hands-down one of the snobbiest and most cliquish places I’ve ever lived in. Try to make small talk with people and they’ll act like you have chronic halitosis. Attempt to cold approach any girl, including the fat ones, and they’ll treat you like you’re an axe murderer. Even waitstaff and cashiers treat you with a rudeness that would get them fired anywhere else in the country, because they think their master’s degree in Cephalopod Sexuality makes them superior to the hoi polloi.

I can hear Portlanders protesting, “Girls don’t want to talk to you because you’re creepy/ugly/only interested in sex!” They’ll have to explain why in other Portland-esque cities like Madison, Wisconsin or Burlington, Vermont, women—and people in general—are eager to chat up out-of-towners like myself. Even in Williston, North Dakota, a city so overcrowded with men that fat girls are referred to as “Williston 10s,” hot girls were kinder and more polite to me than Portland fatties.

From what I can tell, there are only two ways for a normal man to get laid in this city without paying for it: either start a mediocre indie rock band and bang groupies, or wait for a fat girl to get so horny that she tries to rape you. Bars and clubs in Portland are like abstract art exhibits: full of grotesque objects that you’re not allowed to touch.

portlandhipsters

6. …and they have nothing interesting to say anyway.

“The city where young people go to retire” is not an exaggeration. Portland truly is a magnet for people who want to do nothing with their lives at all. If you can find one of the few girls who isn’t an antisocial weirdo, all she’ll do is repeat feminist cliches or lay down obnoxious sarcasm until your dick shrinks to the size of an olive. She’ll be happy to bloviate about her made-up sexual orientation—pansexual, demisexual, polyamorous or whatever—all day, but she’ll have absolutely no interest in what you have to say.

For example, whenever I brought up the fact that I hitchhiked here all the way from New York (which most normal people think is pretty interesting), the typical response from girls was a nonchalant “Yeah, that’s cool.” Meanwhile, their greatest achievements in life consist of operating an espresso machine five days a week for minimum wage and selling handmade doilies on Etsy.

I’m not trying to bash Portland as a whole. This city’s got a lot going for it: the variety of microbrews, the music scene, the lack of crime, and the low cost of living, among other things. But there’s no denying that the girls here are dumpy-looking, have nasty attitudes and are just plain boring to talk to. If you’re looking for love—or just a lay—you’re best served going somewhere else.

Read More: 15 Reasons Why Toronto Is The Worst City For Men In North America

717 thoughts on “6 Reasons Why Portland Sucks For Single Men”

  2. I don’t believe that the problems described in this article are unique to a few cities, but they characterize much of America as a whole.
    I would like to add that cell phones are killing the social skills of Americans. When I go to any live musical venue where I live, women play on their phones while the band is performing! They are at the party, yet they are cell phone wallflowers! Few people dance, except for the occasional attention-whore doing way over-the-top sexualized moves. Even job interviewers complain that young people lack face-to-face social skills.
    Fortunately, foreign students attend the local university, and it’s not that hard to start a conversation with them provided that their group is not too large.

    1. I’ve lived in many cities, even in other countries. Trust me, there is nothing like Portland. NO manners, tattooed failed hacks, that believe their shait smells like pachouli. This article is perfect.

  3. Why this sudden increase of tattoos anyway? Most of them are incredible tacky and unimaginative, at least on women…not to mention that some of the used inks, especially the colored ones, are not that recommendable for your health. If you have ever been on a beach an seen a tattooed 50+ women who didnot stay in shape you are most definitely scared for life…

    1. Tattoos are permanent. The procedure for removing them is not 100% perfect AND involves chemicals that have potential toxicity. This suggests people who get tattoos lack good judgement and future-time orientation compared to comparable individuals who do not get them.
      The same cannot be said for piercing, which unlike tattoos, is reversible. Besides, navel piercing is sexy. Its too bad its no longer in style like it was during the early 00’s.

      1. I guess the same can be said for people who get married, have kids, buy a home or do anything else permanent with negative consequences should one change their mind. Could you honestly be anymore self-centered? What someone does with their life and their body is none of your concern. Grow up.

        2. No, I’d say you are with your conformist “everyone should look and feel the same about everything” bullshit. Nobody asked you what your opinion on their body art is. News Flash: You are not the center of the universe. What you think doesn’t matter.

    2. LOTS of very mediocre tattoos here in Portland yet SO much pride about them. Extremely odd.

  4. hop on a greyhound to LA, or San Diego, it’s got a lot more going for itself.

  5. I was in Portland for a week last summer visiting friends. I did bang a cute girl…who was, of course, not from Portland.

  6. I’m a Pac NW native. Portland does have a particular stigma for being where all the hipsters congregate, for being uber-pretentious when it has no right to be, and full of potheads and weirdos with no life. The fat chick problem doesn’t surprise me.
    Mr. Forney, since you’re already out here, you might try Seattle or Eugene Oregon. They have (real) universities with (low obesity) college girls there, yet are still large enough to have economies outside of the universities.

    1. I’m busting out through southern Oregon and California over the summer (tied up with obligations that keep me from leaving earlier). Definitely checking out Eugene along the way.
      Already been to Seattle, and while it’s just as cliquey as Portland, the women are hotter and actually have something to be proud of. Portland is the only city in America that manufactures coolness out of thin air.

    2. I went to Eugene for the first time last weekend. The city itself is ok. The people seemed cooler and the girls were way better looking. I’m guessing all the cute girls in Portland moved to Eugene the minute they got out of high school.

  7. New Orleans isn’t that different from Portland, from what I’ve gathered. I mean, weather-wise and crime-wise, yeah. But it’s pretty much a sloppy hipster paradise especially post-Katrina, and this is coming from a guy who grew up here.

    1. You are correct. The Faubourg Marigny, particularly around Frenchmen Street, is “Hipster Central.” I’ve never seen so many poseurs in all my life! The guys (I refuse to refer to them as men) all wore the same hipster uniform like they are all members of a bad fashion cult. And one look at the wimminz does more to cause shrinkage than nude polar diving.

  8. Washington DC, Toronto and now Portland… another city has entered the black list. Thanks for the info.

  9. I just got through reading Aaron Clarey’s book Worthless. Portland looks like a city full of people with “Worthless” college degrees.

    1. You have no idea man. This city has to be tops in underemployed college grads. Best part is that all the grad students moving here in hopes of getting their crappy band signed are driving down wages for everyone else, making everyone collectively poorer.

      1. 100% spot on. I used to own a coffee shop in Portland SE (hipster central). I had people with all kinds of college degrees passing me their resume in search of employment. The thing is that many of them seem to be content working as barrista in a coffee shop, because they want nothing more than to just hang out with their friends and live an easy life. You would not believe the number of young people who say they are an “artist”. Artist has to be the number one occupation in SE Portland. The characterization of Portland as the place where young people come to retire is not far off.
        In defense of Portland, I will suggest you check out the shopping area, which is the Pioneer Square part of downtown. This is where Nordstroms and high end shops like Louis Vitton are located. There are lots of attractive women there on the weekend. Not so many fatties or hipster girls in this area.
        “North” Portland is also different, and edgier, than SE Portland, which is hipster central. I have not spent much time there.
        I live in East part of Vancouver, across the Columbia river from Portland. Its totally different in character from Portland itself. Very few hipsters, but some fatties. However, there are some attractive women here.

  10. Seattle too.
    Hell, all of Oregon.
    Hell, all of the Pacific Northwest.

      1. This article shows what happens when liberal/leftist nitwits with ‘Californiaitis’ move to the surrounding states — they take their airheaded social/political beliefs with them and (like a disease) ‘infect’ new territories.
        With time, they turn formerly-beautiful and wonderful areas to live, into the same sh*tholes they came from.

        1. Nah, we are from Oregon, it’s assholes like Matt Forney who are “infecting new territories” from shitholes like upstate New York.

  12. God man, those pictures of the fat chicks, and the freak chicks with the half blue, half pink hair, make me want to puke.
    Come on over to Southeast Asia and help yourself to the smorgasborg of hot, young, feminine, petite, submissive, humble, beautiful women here.
    My god, what is wrong with these women? Either way, I think most of them will end up growing old alone with their ten cats. The marriage strike in America is really picking up steam now, with 28 percent of young men openly saying they do not ever plan on getting married. This number is going to increase to 50 percent within another few years.

    1. Lol, good! I hope it picks up to 100% and women have to pay US to get THEM pregnant. HA!

      1. you really think thats what would happen? if alimony is anything to go by we’d be given jail time for not fucking them

        1. Nah, I don’t think it would ever get to that point, where men are getting fined or getting forced to pay some “bachelor tax”. And if it does? THEN it is time for violent revolution against the fascist government. Until then, let’s enjoy our lives, since the govt still allows us to live our lives in peace, for the most part. The government is not putting a gun to our heads and forcing us to get married to women in America.

        2. There already is a “bachelor tax”. It’s not getting the personal deduction for not being married to a non-working spouse on the 1040.

  13. portland is hipster feminist pot smoking do nothing central. most of the women look like small children and have short bowlcut hair. the only demographic they appeal to is either lesbians or emasculated redditors.
    sure the slut pride might make a bang easy, but really consider what you’re fucking. human garbage.
    have some self respect don’t fuck a fattie.

  14. Since you don’t mind snow, ditch that place and get your self up to Anchorage, AK. Great snowy winters and the only summers that can compete are in Vermont. It’s one of the fittest cities because everybody plays outside. The men are men and the women are women (and since the gold and oil rushes have long ended, the male/female ratio is decent again). Everybody is super nice and inviting, even the sourdoughs. Plus every girl has a “how I got to Alaska” story and loves to share it.

    1. I’ve been giving Anchorage some thought lately. The things I’ve heard about the scenery, weather, and things-to-do are pretty nice but I admit, I’ve heard those who’ve lived there all their lives are pretty unfriendly to the “lower-48ers” who relocated there. Do you see a lot of that?

      1. I have not experienced it and I even spent my first year here in Nome which is a pretty “Bush” town. In fact, I found most people to extremely welcoming. If you go up to the Valley (Palin country) you may catch some shit if you look like a city boy, but if you get along with rednecks, it’s all good.
        I should note I’m talking about white folk. Natives will try to white guilt the fuck out of you.

        1. I saw a t-shirt in Haines back in the 90’s. ALASKA – where the women are men and the men are aniimals. Alaska is the biggest cruise destination in the world. So there is a flood of tourists and service industry workers in the summer. If you spend the winter you get respect especially in a cut off place like Nome.

        2. Ha, I haven’t heard that one yet. The women are definitely not like girls from Outside, but that appeals to some of us. This is a pretty accurate representation of the Alaska girl style and look:
          http://www.alaskachicks.com/

  15. Was in Portland seven years ago for a weekend. It was the strip club capital and some good yola. Lots of skinny and decent looking women at the time. I’m not surprised if they all left. Portland sucked.

  16. This is dead fucking on. I’ve lived in Portland for a year and this article is my exact experience. It’s not just Portland either – Seattle is similar though not quite as bad. I love the city itself (beautiful bridges, everything is green and I actually like the rain) but the people/culture here is absolutely fucked.
    My rant:
    – I openly hear limp-wristed hipsters walking down the street discussing male feminism.
    – Basic civility is dead in Portland. 7/10 visits to restaurants involve me tipping less than 10% (or not at all) because the waitresses/waiters are all overly aloof cunts. Same with people working as store clerks.
    – EVERYONE here is a fucking flake. Its endemic. Guys are just as bad as women. People I’ve known for years became uselessly flaky after living here for a couple of years.
    – Being interested in anything is considered a personality flaw. Everyone here is such a total loser that they hide behind a veil of irony to hide their mediocrity and failure. It’s only acceptable to have ironic interests such as “making hats” or “playing kickball.”
    – Most guys here is a fucking pussy. Nobody really lifts here. I feel like I could beat the shit out of 90% of Portland’s male population without a thought. The swole hatred here is out of control.
    – People openly dislike you here if you don’t have any tattoos and constantly ask why you aren’t covered in ink. Every shitbag hipster in the city has the same stupid nautical stars and Sailor Jerry birds. Express your uniqueness by looking like everybody else!
    – Not drinking alcohol is 100% unacceptable in this city. I’ve threatened at least four ass beatings to overweight microbrew chuds that wouldn’t shut the fuck up with their straight edge hatred.
    – The girls are the most hideous out of any major city I’ve ever been to. Obese, pierced, tattooed, skrillex haircuts, poor fashion and constantly stuffing their faces with food cart fare. If you don’t believe this, spend literally five seconds looking at Portland’s OkCupid.
    – EVERYONE IS GAY. Jesus fucking christ. I’m fine with homos but getting hit on by twinks and middle aged gay guys at the gym nonstop gets really old. Portland has a unique phenomenon that I call the “Fake Portland Dyke,” which means that women will pretend to be lesbians, brag about “how they could get more pussy than me” and constantly harp about gay rights issues, yet only engage in heterosexual sex. Most women under the age of 40 claim to be either “queer” (yeah right, like you’d fuck an actual trannie) “pansexual” or bisexual. Polyamory is considered normal, when it’s really an excuse for fat/ugly chicks to rationalize getting pump ‘n dumped as their own choice.
    The funny thing is, people generally revert to being a little more normal once you step out of the city limits. In conclusion, I’m getting the fuck out of here ASAP.

    2. Liberal status whoring – claim pansexuality, date limp-wristed bisexual guys, fuck bad boys

    5. You can really live it up in Portland for not a lot of money.
      There are great restaurants that are inexpensive, happy hours all over the place, lots of free entertainment, tons of bars and the drinks are cheap.
      But the whole reason for all of this is because “Portland is where young people go to retire.” So when you’re sipping that pint of delicious craft brewed beer that was less than five bucks, it was likely poured by someone who went to college for six years to get a degree in Women’s Studies. And bartenders tend to get a little bitter when all the education in the world landed them a gig that pays minimum wage.
      That’s Portland for ya.

  19. i can’t take the writer of this article seriously when he looks this: http://static.mattforney.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mattkasia-768×1024.jpg
    as skewed as the dating market might be against the average guy, when aesthetically you’re a 0/10 you have no right to complain about not getting girls.
    you’re a fatass, your fashion is utter shit, and yet you feel you deserve “slender, feminine women”. strong MRA/Red Pill hamster. work on yourself first.

    1. 1) I’ve been losing weight. Insulting someone who’s been working to lose weight by calling them fat doesn’t…really…work.
      2) That picture was taken while I was hitchhiking, less than a week after I’d been digging ditches in the North Dakota oil basin. If you actually think I dress like that all the time, you’re insane.
      3) The girl who’s holding onto me in that picture is hotter than anything you’ll find in Portland. I am not kidding.
      4) Again, you conveniently ignore that women—and people in general—are nicer and chattier to me in places like Madison and Minneapolis.
      5) Why do all of you chodes try to make the personal political? I wrote this article not for me, but for RoK’s greater readership, taking their needs and desires into account.
      The fact of the matter is is that even if you’re swole and well-dressed, there is no secret goldmine of attractive women in Portland. My appearance has nothing to do with it.

      2. Troll identity: confirmed. You’re the exact same loser whom Roosh has banned numerous times over the past few months, yet like Severin begging for his mistress’ whip, you keep coming back for more. This is the last time I engage you, so enjoy the silence while you get your ass banished again.

        1. “H-h-here comes the s-s-ite administrator to ban you for hurting m-my feelings!!”
          Hahahahaha. God, what a queer. Face it, kid–your problems run far deeper than you think. You are, quite literally, no better than Anita Sarkeesian who bans commentary on her YouTube channel, since you:
          a. ban commentary on your own shit-fest of a website
          b. try to get anybody who challenges you BANNED so you can continue your mindless whining
          I really challenge you to test yourself in an unprotected area where you can actually test your ideas against scrutiny. Fact is, you won’t because you’re just another internet pussy who’s more concerned with placating his false-self rather than genuine self-improvement. One could see that just by looking at your picture.

        2. This website is not a shit fest, and you are a irritating cunt with nothing to offer to the conversation. Oprah, I mean Harpo, men are talking now so be silent.

        3. It’s funny reading your responses where I can tell you’re really proud of yourself, but you just continue making yourself look stupid and bitter. Please, keep them coming! Way more entertaining than this drivel you call an article.

        4. It’s funny reading your responses where I can tell you’re really proud of yourself, but you just continue making yourself look stupid and bitter. Please, keep them coming! Way more entertaining than this drivel you call an article.

      3. The fact that you’re “losing weight” doesn’t mean you’re not still ugly. Your look itself is anti-game. I cannot picture you walking up to any girl outside a My Little Pony convention and who isn’t a 3/10 that would be positively receptive to you if you cold approached her.
        Life is a cold hard game, and nobody gives a fuck about what you’re supposedly doing to improve yourself. People care about results and from what anybody can see you have nothing to show for yourself and a lot of expectations.
        You’re really no different from some fat cunt on OKCupid with a laundry list of expectations for what she needs in a man. In some ways, you’re worse since you have less of an excuse since you’re a man. With girls, you can just write them off of infantile and dumb and nobody really thinks twice about it.
        And given the fact that you’re too spergy to realize that you simply aren’t entitled to an attractive, high-value female, nor will you be able to get one in your current state, your credibility is definitely in question. Who are you to judge others when you haven’t even applied these same acerbic standards of judgment onto yourself? I mean, if you had, you’d probably be a lot more humble and cognizant of your personal shortcomings, but you’re not.
        So I think it’s you who’s uninteresting, drab, and mediocre. Not Portland.
        inb4feministslutwalkshametacticbluepillmangina

        1. Funny how guys like Bronan who actually live in Portland are corroborating everything I said in the article, and the only people disputing me are anonymous commenters who’ve never even been there. Odd how that works.

        2. Odd how you don’t consider that your internet friends are as inept (and entitled) as you are. Odd how you don’t address anything I say but instead hide behind a logical fallacy of an appeal to (supposed) authority.
          *nasally, autistic voice*: “Eeeuurrgh!! Well BRO-nan thinks I’m right so I’m right, so there!!” *virginal tear of sadness rolls down left cheek*
          Faggot.

        3. You didn’t address anything I wrote either: you just came in with your little Anontard trollish “you’re just ENTITLED” spiel (PROTIP: noting the absence of feminine women in a city does not equal feeling “entitled” to them, a distinction feminists and morons are perpetually incapable of making). In particular you ignored the fact that I wrote that women I’ve met in Madison, Minneapolis, Burlington, Pittsburgh and other Portland-esque cities were nicer, kinder, more attractive and more feminine.
          If you talk shit to me, I talk shit back. You get what you give.
          Bronan and I are friends in real-life, and he’s swole and objectively a high-value man. I’ll take his opinion over that of some anonymous loser with no face, name or reputation to back up his screaming.
          Now you can either spell out where I’m wrong about Portland (since you’ve obviously been there and know the place so well) or you can shut up about things you don’t understand. Simple choice, buddy boy.

        4. “Y-you better shut up because my friend is big and strong a-a-and he’s got an eight inch penis and…”
          Hahahaha. Could you be any more of a complete faggot?
          You’re wrong about Portland because you spent like a day and a half there, are a fat autist without the ability to conduct any effectual introspection, and are making grand generalizations about populations of millions of people. If you were talking about a small town of 60,000 or so, but you’re talking about a major American city with a metro population of over 2 million.
          Also it’s obvious you’re butthurt about Portland, at least subconsciously, or you’d never have been motivated to bitch about it online.

        6. Oh My lord!!! You’re so clueless that it’s astounding! Who ever hired you, seriously needs to get their head checked. You are and individual who needs a dose of karma. I hope someone from Portland is your next boss and one saving grace.
          Epic Fail!

        7. Typical little snarky Portland CUNT.
          Women in this town are so gross. More cunts.
          Ugly too. I love being prettier than most of them.
          Your’e some nasty motherfuckers. You all think your’e so smart. You are really undateable Bitches that need a reality check.
          Portland is dirty and ghetto. The homeless, street grifting Meth heads are vile and repugnant. Portland’s mascots, really.
          Heroin, Meth, such a dirty little hell hole.
          Get over yourselves, you ugly pukes
          Shave those awful beards, make your women wear make up and get their hair done.
          Then Kiss My Ass, Bitches.

      4. You’re pasty and fat (and bald), and you complain about Portland women being pasty and fat (or too thin). You’re unattractive, and you’re complaining about unattractive people. You seriously don’t see the problem with this?

      5. As for number 3. It looks like you’re holding her, not the other way around. Also, I notice that you never refer to her as your girlfriend. Were you ever actually romantically involved with that women, or does her hotness validate your virility simply by virtue of her proximity to you?

      6. If you’re incapable of forging meaningful relationships yourself, euthanasia is legal in Oregon, see, something for everyone.

        2. Shows what you know shit head. I was raised on the east coast and that’s where I currently live.

      7. Uh the good looking woman in Portland ran from you!!! I know 100 hotter woman than the one in your picture and they are actually from Portland, Or.

      8. I’m relatively well dressed, in decent shape but not tattooed and definitely not “hipster” and I never had any trouble meeting women in Portland. All kinds of women, I’ve dated tatted up poerced girls, straigh laced girls, jocks, you name it… While I agree that there are a lot of overweight women to be found, if you don’t have a complete shyte attitude like you appear to have, you shouldn’t have any problems. You just sound like a real asshole to be honest. Maybe that’s your problem…

      10. Hey! Hey everybody! Matt has an excuse for why he is the way he is! OK? But women in Portland don’t! OK? Why bother talking to women and find out what they are about when you can write a horrible article.
        Matt, your personal experiences are yours. But that’s it.

      11. Your pathetic and disgusting outer appearance does explain a lot of your hatred for the world, though. We know you’re just really sad and spineless inside and that you hate yourself, which is why you pretend to have some authority to criticize everything outside of you. If you need help with self-esteem, Matt, there are professionals who can help you. You don’t have to go through life being utterly repulsive, inside and out.

      12. Ahhhh… Yes it does jack ass! WE, the readers look at this grossly slanderous written article as an extension of the writer. We never asked you for your advice, yet you post this sh*t here so people can view your opinion. You’ve managed to make an assessment of Portland’s women and generalized the whole state based on your lack of being a human being. You knew what you wrote was not right to begin with that why you don’t have a picture posted along with your credentials. Even so,doesn’t matter that someone looked you up and posted your picture here for everyone to see. What does matter is that everyone who read this garbage already knew you were an ugly person on the inside, as well as the outside.

      13. So many comments attacking the author; I would take that as a compliment, Matt.
        This guy was in the field pretty much ‘reporting’ on what he experienced. You don’t have to look a certain way for decent people to be decent to you (small talk). I’ve found the same kind of results traveling up and down the east coast (US) with people up in DC being rude but folks in Carolina (either one) being very chatty and open.
        We know about the fat girls with piercings and tattoos (they are all over the place)…nothing new to report on that front.
        He must be hitting a bit of truth here and there for so many to come at him?

      14. Matt, It is clear you were projecting the whole time. I dont know how on earth you think you have any right to even be judging anyone.. you are fugly as sin, fat, and apparently you are inept of social skills. No wonder no one likes you or would date you. Not even a 500 pound bitch would touch that lol.

      15. I LOVE how poeople from Portlandia think they are soooo nice, yet they are really just caustic little turds in flannel that could never make it anywhere but Portland.
        I’m a soooo over these Nasty, Unsophisticated slackers here.
        I’m at the coast now, a little better. I couldn’t take the rudeness of Portland. Most people that live here are here because we cannot tolerate the nastiness and ghettoness of Portland.
        Also, the men from Portland are profound PUSSY’s.
        I only date men that moved here from other places.
        The only place you’ll fine 60 year old men on skateboards that expect to be taken seriously. They would never make it in New York. The women either. You’ll have your asses handed to you.
        I really miss the real men from back east.
        Men from Portland are Pussy’s.

      16. I agree. Portland sucks. moving here was the biggest mistake Ive ever made in my life.

    3. I don’t see what the big deal is. Matt’s got a girl in that pic. To me that’s more indicative of his credibility than his body shape.

      1. Agreed. He looks normal to me. I see plenty of guys who look like him with reasonably attractive women on them.

        1. No you don’t. You literally NEVER see that. Lying isn’t going to help this asshat get laid.

        2. Actually I do. You would be surprised at some of the delrods I’ve seen with good looking women at their side.

        3. Actually I do. You would be surprised at some of the delrods I’ve seen with good looking women at their side.

        4. They probably have money or possibly an attitude that doesn’t make women want to spit in their faces then. Matty Boy is just fucked, and not in the way he’d like to be.

    6. Damn, that dude is really handsome… like 15/10. No idea why the ladies in Portland wouldn’t talk to him. Here in LA he would be a 25/10. He looks like a rugged man of mystery.

    7. I think it’s funny this dude is complaining about the women when he’s guilty of the same things:
      “The women are overweight and/or unhealthy looking”
      “pasty flour dough skin”
      “have nasty attitudes”
      Seems like he would fit right in. Seriously though, this guy is beta as fuck so I wouldn’t take any advice about women from him. He can’t can’t even find pants that fit him correctly. The quality and credibility of articles here are really starting to go downhill.
      Also one last thing:
      “and they’ll treat you like you’re an axe murderer”
      Maybe try not looking like an axe murderer?

      1. I think it is called projecting. 🙂 If you ask me, he just doesn’t know how to look either. You can’t expect to find a good date by just bumbling into them, in real life. While it does happen, you are much better served finding a place that has the culture you identify with as it’s main theme. i.e. Going to a jazz club if you are one who identifies with that.
        And truth be told I know lots of gorgeous and single women who complain of not being able to find a decent guy.

      2. The man is observant:
        If you are fat you are fat!
        If you have tattoos, you have tatoos!
        Join a lesbian group, get a cat and stay angry!

      3. The women in Portland are not as attractive as women from other places.
        They are profoundly unsophisticated.

      4. I’ve been to Portland and thought it was a great city. There were a ton of hot hipster chicks everywhere. The city is one of the most walkable I have ever been. If your just banging chicks who fucking cares about their tattoos and piercings.
        To expect people to think it was so cool that you hitchhiked from NY is pathetic. I met a guy like that but he hitchhiked through Canada. He was good looking and had game and so we ended up wingman and going out with girls. He didn’t mention much his hitchhiking adventure. Now if someone had hiked the country I would have thought that badass.
        We took a road trip with some college girls to Eugene for a night. We also went to a communist bar where a freak with a boot on his head was talking about running for president. By not giving a dick like all the manginas we pulled even more hot, intelligent girls.
        It was a great expierience and I am moving to Oregon next Spring. (Corvallis)

        1. Trust me, don’t move to Portland. I moved here 2 years ago from Michigan and my girlfriend moved here 4 years ago from Chicago. We both hate it. In the last 16 months, our ret has one over 100 dollars and our cable bill went from 120 per month to almost 300! The cost of living is out of control. The people are racist nd small minded, it’s ugly and the police are brutal. The only things I like are the low violence and good public transportation. I wish so bad I never moved here.

    8. I am originally from portland oregon and I can honestly say that not all of us are like that personally I have given some guys the time of day who wouldn’t even be rated on a 10 scale just do I could get to know their personality but I also can honestly say your attitude is what is making u not get laid. Good luck ever finding someone to put up with your attitude toward women we are ppl not possesions get over your wannabe male ego and try being nice to us and maybe u won’t grow old alone with ten cats and a video game. Also about them being lazy and not doing anything with their lives, neither are u obviously if u had done anything with your life u wouldn’t need to hitchike cuz u would have money or a car. Grow up man and maybe if you didn’t generalize all us in one category as fatties we wouldn’t generalize all the men on here as assholes.

      2. Women generalize about men all the time. It’s everywhere in the media.
        The problem most women have is such low self esteem and high self entitlement and a sense of guilt that every criticism at any women makes them feel it’s about themselves as well. .

        1. Bingo. Women take everything personally. Insecure. Nothing needs more to be said. Now every girl will disagree and say stop generalising because they too this personally. Can’t win. Pointless arguing. Beta males don’t know women so this huge ear clown can be ignored too. What a doofus. How many comments on here? If you aren’t a girl masking as a dude then all I have to say is I’m glad I’m not you dude. Jeez. What a clown haha. Funny clown.

        2. “Women take everything personally. Insecure.” Right. Maybe the reason women “take it personally” is because of the never ending fight against misogynist arseholes like this. You call us insecure and try to belittle us as if we weren’t capable of reasoning. Maybe it’s time men take a look in the mirror and see why they find us such a threat. Why don’t you go get informed on what women around the world are doing, see if you actually put that brain of yours to work.

        4. Not taking it “personally” … MORE LIKE STANDING UP TO MEN WHO THINK THIS WAY AND DEFENDING ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL WOMEN FROM THIS SHIT!

        6. I agree 100%. Portland is a miserable place to live. I did my 18 months there and was fed up by my 3rd. I wish I never lived there…lol gawd I hate that god forsaken place

        8. Agree. Feminists have gotten the message to young women that the possession of a vagina equates to having the privelege to abuse and entitled to everything. Men are getting wiser and avoiding the “gold plated vaginal syndrome”.

        11. Horseshit. Women are just crybabies who feel entitled to move to the head of the class in all aspects of life due to possessing a vagina.

      3. We don’t want you as “possessions,” some of us men like fucking, get over it.

      4. Typcial Portland chic.
        Looks like she got airlifted out of a Pearl Jam concert.
        No make up, the hair is a mess, they dress like lumberjacks.
        Women from the East Coast , like me, have so much more to offer than you slags do.
        You are al messy.
        That’s why everyone in Seattle and Cali HATE you losers.

  20. Don’t hate because you suck at spotting the hot bods hiding underneath the homemade organic fair trade alpaca wool sweaters….#1, don’t be puss, rain rules. #2 is any city. #3 is America, but the PNW is better then most. #4, who gives a fuck? When I see tattoos and weirdo hair I think “EASY”. #5 and #6 are 90% of human beings anywhere ever….quit whining, get out there, and BANG THOSE HIPSTERS.

    1. There is truth to this, and the rain does not bother me at all. However, the women with weird hairstyles and tattoos may indeed be easy. But how should I say it? They are definitely an acquired taste.

  21. Tom Leykis used to call the city “Porkland — home of the other white meat” on his old radio show. Since no one mentioned that yet, I elected myself to throw it in.

  22. I am in Northern England, the UK. In my teens I played in a band and went out with a few hotties. Now I am mid twenties, in the best shape of my life and my career is beginning to take off.
    Some of the girls I dated, I mean they were/are hipsters, they liked a guy in a band. Now having smoked for ten years, with bad tattoos and piercings, man – what happened to them!?
    One in particular I saw the other week, I mean at 17, men would have fought wars for that girl. Now aged 26ish? Hell, it is depressing how far she has fallen. Ruined herself.

    1. Indeed. Seeing old girlfriends can be like being slapped in the face, once you recognize them.

  23. when housing prices in san fran got to high many of the poor hippies/liberal types moved north to oregon hence the feminist vibe and gross fat, manishing looking women. As tom leykis has said in the past, PORKLAND HOME OF THE OTHER WHITE MEAT.

  24. I lived in San Francisco for a few years and this can basically be applied to them as well. It’s not AS BAD but…the girls are sub-par, awful dressers, rife with hipster cynicism, and decidedly gender confused.

    1. I’ve been in San Francisco for about 5 years now, and would like to offer a hearty “fuck you” to this statement.

  25. “The women are overweight and/or unhealthy looking…”
    Tom Leykis refers to Portland as “PorkLand”

  26. Matt: if you were to recommend a city for a young man who wanted to date someone other than overweight skanks with ugly tattoos and uglier attitudes, which one would it be? I bought Jack Donovan’s book largely on your recommendation, so any feedback will be appreciated.

    1. I’m not as well-traveled as most other guys here (most of my experience is in the northern U.S.), but these are my top picks for women that are both attractive AND friendly:
      5) Ithaca, NY
      4) Fargo, ND
      3) Minneapolis, MN
      2) Burlington, VT
      1) Madison, WI
      Might write an article explaining why later, but in general, you want a city that a) has a significant college presence, b) has a reputation for being open to newcomers and c) is medium-sized to small.

      1. I always thought that Phoenix has lots of attractive women who are relatively approachable. Does anyone know about Dallas or Houston?

        2. My brother swears by Dallas as a mecca of hotties. He’s been there at least five years now and really loves it.
          As to the list above, Burlington is a great small city. I’ve had lots of fun there. UVM keeps it stocked with slightly crunchy, outdoorsy coeds. It is small and not surrounded by much, so you have to like nature and farms. Really good restaurants and Higher Ground gets some great music despite it being such a remote place.

        3. Thanks for the feedback. I am in Tucson and it’s the same problem. It seems like most of the girls in my age range (mid-20s to early 30s) are either very overweight or completely covered in tattoos, and very often both.

        4. This is disappointing to hear. During the 80’s and early 90’s, it was understood that the best place for good looking women was the major sunbelt cities (SoCal, Phoenix, Dallas, Houston, etc.). This is one of the reasons why I moved there following my graduation from college (the other reason is that the sunbelt represented openness and freedom to me and was something of an economic frontier in the Heinlein sense).

      3. I’ve lived and worked all over the United States, and Portland is as good as it gets. Based on the article, it’s clear that the town has rubbed you the wrong way. But take it from someone that’s been all over the place, Portland may be the best place for a single man in the entire United States.
        The thing you have to understand about Portland is that there are hundreds or even thousands of guys that spend the whole day getting drunk, smoking weed, and playing videogames. So women in Portland really have their defenses up. Portland is full of guys that have embraced the slacker mentality.
        But if you can demonstrate that you have an ounce of ambition, you will be a God in Portland.
        I think a lot of your article is based on the idea that Portland is like other cities, but it really isn’t. Madison is a college town full of guys with ambition. Fargo has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the entire country.
        Portland is just straight Slacker Heaven.
        If Madison Wisconsin is your fave, and is the type of town you prefer, then head south to Eugene. It’s very similar.

  27. I live in Portland/Vancouver area and can tell you this article is 100% spot on. Even though I love clubbing, I haven’t been to a club here in over 5 years. Many of the women really are fat or look like Mad Max extras.

    1. “I live in Portland/Vancouver area” – translation: I live in Vancouver, WA, which is a suburb of Portland
      “Even though I love clubbing” – and I try to come downtown to get laid sometime

  28. So you’re short, fat, and have zero muscle yet you somehow believe you’re going to get a positive reception from the women you approach?

    1. I got a positive reception in Madison, Minneapolis and Burlington. Even Chicago wasn’t too bad. Portland is the odd (wo)man out.
      And I’m “short” and have “zero muscle”? Funny how anonymous people on the Internet know me better than I do.

      1. I live in Chicago (Lincoln Park), and you’d get eaten alive out here. If by “positive reception” you mean girls didn’t utterly ignore you or mace you after you got within a three foot of radius of them, then I might believe you.

        1. If you weren’t an anonymous commenter and I hadn’t even been to Chicago, I might believe you.
          Forney’s Law of Internet Hate: The amount of hate spewed by someone online is inversely correlated with their real life accomplishments.

        2. I think you need to reevaluate what “hate” is, and how you interpret it because I’m clowning your fat, stupid ass. Hate would imply I possess some intense emotion for you and/or your message and, like I said, only somebody severely afflicted with aspergers would come to that conclusion based off of anything I’ve typed here.
          I literally live on one of the most notorious bar-strips in the entire city and I’ve got more experience there than you. The women here are among the most superficial on the planet and there is no way in the blue fuck that a goober like you would hold their attention for more than ten seconds.

        4. You’re actually calling people “pathetic loser” while you look like you’ve spent the last fifteen years in a Mississippi state prison for hosting 50 terabytes worth of child porn on serves in your grandma’s basement.

    1. I was in downtown Boise a while ago; the place is a dreary shithole full of anti-social militia-mentality types. Idaho in general seems to be a bad spot, outside of maybe Coeur d’Alene.

  30. Went to Portland for the first time this year, and although it seems like a cool town, I didn’t see much talent there at all. Bend, OR is a little better I think, especially with the younger college girls here at COCC and OSU Cascades, and lots of fun things to do here and good music scene. But the girls and diversity still doesn’t compare to back home in SoCal. Matt, have you ever been to Corvallis and have anything to say about the girls and the university there?

    1. Nope, only places I’ve been to in Oregon outside of Portland are Hood River and the Dalles, and I wasn’t impressed with either. Then again, it WAS during the winter.

      1. Hood River and the Dalles are where retirees go to die. It’s a little bit colder than Portland, but it rains quite a bit less. The summers are beautiful, and the winters are a bit like Denver. The average age of people in Hood River is very old.
        If you liked Madison Wisconsin, you’ll love Eugene Oregon. They have the same ‘vibe’ but the weather is much much better than Portland or Madison. They’re really crazy about football though; I personally enjoy Portland better than Eugene because I’m not a sports nut.

  32. Oh muffin, you just don’t get it do you? Women here don’t react well to a misogynistic Pillsbury dough boy treating them like objects. Especially when you look like a the long lost twin of Sloth from Goonies. Maybe they do where you come from, and I suggest you go back there immediately. Seriously, dude. Please leave.
    Also, I made you something that might help put your life into perspective, chubs.
    http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3tr7oj/
    Now to be fair, I read that you’re going to the gym. Good for you. However, weight training won’t fix the things that making you a standard bearer for Team Forever Alone.

  33. “Forney’s Law of Internet Hate: The amount of hate spewed by someone online is inversely correlated with their real life accomplishments.”
    Oh god the unintentional irony in that comment! You, sir, are consistently unintentionally hilarious.

  34. Completely true. All these studies about the “fittest and fattest cities” are complete bull crap. If you want “hot” hit Texas, Florida and Southern California. Period.

  35. Nice anecdotes, but the “fat chick” picture isn’t even in Portland. Go ahead and chooch yourself back to the rust belt, you pathetic fuck.

  36. This could have been titled “6 examples of how naive I am”. This shit exists in every city, get a grip you fucking pansy.

    1. You are missing the point…this site does suggest that men make sure they have muscles, a good job, and a witty repertoire…before expecting to get ‘bangs’. When we complain about Portland/Seattle/Toronto, etc…we are complaining about how these cities are filled with undesirable (fat, masculine, entitled) women, that don’t seem to care why, or feel that they should change, the behaviors that make them unattractive to us men; on top of this they get angry at us for daring to have an opinion. I live in Seattle and recently lost 4 FB friends because I complained about a local petite woman that has made herself unattractive because she has a large battleship tattoo on her chest…sorry, but we men don’t want to date Popeye (secret: you don’t really want to be Popeye either).

      1. I don’t think these women get angry at you for daring to have an opinion. I think it is the other way around. I think you are scared of strong women who don’t subjugate themselves to your ideals simply because you are a man. If a girl wants a battleship tattooed on her chest, then good for her. If that isn’t your thing, then don’t date her. Somebody somewhere will think that is hot, and they will have a good time together. Don’t be all butthurt because she’s not making herself into your perfect little sex toy.

        1. I am not advocating there be a law against women with tattoos, why does my opinion suggest I want to make it illegal (not everybody thinks like feminists)…but in a longwinded way you just, once again, told me I should not have an opinion, and that my opinion is merely an attempt at turning her into a ‘sex toy.’ Thank you for once again illustrating the selfish ‘me first/men are evil’ attitude that feminism has inculcated in American women; which makes them un-datable.

        5. macDamon didn’t say anything to indicate that he’s ‘scared of strong women.’ He said that he believes that a woman made a poor choice when she tattooed a battleship across her chest.
          I see huggybear’s attitude a lot up here in Portland, the idea that men simply can’t express their opinion when it comes to a woman, or else they’re ‘scared of strong women.’
          It’s a byzantine form of censorship. It basically says that a man cannot have an opinion on how a woman looks, unless that opinion is positive.

        6. He can have an opinion, but he should phrase it as “That woman is not attractive to me because she has a battleship tattoo” rather than shaming her and declaring generalizations like “we men don’t want to date Popeye.” There’s a pretty big difference between expressing your individual opinion and making a degrading declaration in the name of “we men.”

        7. OH PLEASE… you are such a cry baby… big fucking deal… you were a rude little twat and offended someone by saying they were unattractive when they got a tattoo that you didn’t like instead of being a grown up like the rest of us and just NOT GET THAT TATTOO FOR YOURSELF AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE….. common sense is oh so uncommon…. i don’t know you or your facebook friends but after reading your droolings i am just about 100% convinced that you were an ASSHOLE about it. i’d delete you too.

        9. Who wrote this? A feminazi?
          Did you tell all your friends to vote up your comment? Or did you come back repeatedly to vote it up yourself?

        10. Jem is a great example of how women think in the Pacific Northwest. In Jem’s opinion, macDamon was being an ASSHOLE because he expressed an opinion about someone’s tattoo.
          (Not just an asshole, but an ASSHOLE; note the capitalization.)
          Jem’s attitude is the reason that a lot of people in the Pacific Northwest are scared to express an opinion that isn’t in lockstep with everyone else’s opinion.
          I’d like to give macDamon a high five for his courage. I agree with him, that getting a tattoo of a battleship across the chest is not attractive. YES, there are some tattoos that ARE attractive, but a battleship across the chest? No, not so much.
          I wish there were more men in the Pacific Northwest who were brave enough to express an opinion on these things. It might reduce the number of truly hideous tattoos around here. In fact, I would say that macDamon was doing that woman a favor, by having the courage to express his opinion. There are a lot of people in the PNW that are completely clueless about their hideous tattoos.

        11. No you idiot, a person should phrase their opinions as just that: their opinions. Not large generalizations that speak for a massive population. This is now the third time i have emphasized that thesis, perhaps this time I have stated it simply enough for you to get it? Since you brought up feelings though: feel free to keep being a disrespectful dickhead and attack people who live different lifestyles than your own. You will go far in Portland that way.

        12. Those votes are all from random Internet denizens. The fact that your entrenched readership is getting badly outvoted by first-time visitors might be an indicator that your views are backward and offensive to a lot of people.

        13. Feminazi! Wow, as a Jewish feminist I had no idea that women being opinionated and outspoken was comparable to invading Poland AND killing 6 million people.
          My stars and garters, you learn something new every day!

        14. If she can accept praise from those who find her dateable she should tolerate criticism from those who don’t.
          I know — it’s a harsh world. Opinions, and all that.

        15. A poor choice for whom exactly? Is it your chest or is it hers? Pretty sure she didn’t get the tat to please some dickhead walking down the street. It’s not a poor decision if SHE enjoys it. This is why men will always be regarded as stupid and shallow. Keep it going!

        16. hahahaha…you don’t know how to express your opinion without making sweeping generalizations that are offensive to an entire group of people. You’re not getting laid because even PDX’s fatties wouldn’t touch you. You’re a dick. End of story.

        17. You’re right, not everybody thinks like feminists, as in not everyone is of the mind that women weren’t put on this planet to please YOU. Maybe you should change that. Your line of thinking obviously isn’t doing much for you right now.

        18. ^^This is the guy who probably gets all kinds of ass in Portland. Because he’s a level-headed man who doesn’t look at women as his playthings and actually respects people. Thank you, Huggybear! 🙂

        19. ^^This is the guy who probably gets all kinds of ass in Portland. Because he’s a level-headed man who doesn’t look at women as his playthings and actually respects people. Thank you, Huggybear! 🙂

        21. No, you can always have opinions of your own so long as you acknowledge them as that: YOUR opinions. Not universal truths that apply to everyone.

        22. Has it really gotten to the point that we have to be sensitive how we phrase a comment about a girl with a fucking battleship tattoo on her chest? Are you insane? Constantly having to think of how best to phrase something as ludicrous as that so we don’t offend a womyn somewhere is a form of oppression. Fuck the PC thought police. You all are a bunch of up tight left wing tyrannical losers.

        23. Despite the fact that I clearly always referred to my statement as an ‘opinion’? Besides, battleship tattoos should only be displayed by somebody who has served aboard a BATTLESHIP…tattoos are warrior badges, when we see people that have not: 1. been to prison 2. been in deadly combat. 3. driven a large truck for money. 4. Served on a warship in shark infested waters 5. lived with a tribe of cannibals, etc…we should all be upset. It’s like wearing a medal around your neck that you did not earn.
          But that’s what modern Portland type Hipsterism (lefty) culture encourages…the high-jacking of the fashion of past political movements, in an attempt to hide the truly vapid nature of current youth culture…de-fanging and leaving empty the husks of struggles already won by other/better people.

        24. “My stars and garters, you learn something new every day!”
          Yes, sure. This was the first time you heard the word “feminazi”. Sure thing.

        25. It looks like Portland isn’t a good ‘fit’ for you? 😉
          Maybe try moving to LA? They have tan, barbie-like girls who cannot WAIT to date another aspiring writer…. 😉

        26. Before anyone attempts to respond to “Heck No” please be aware that he is claiming the hideously obese woman in the picture on the subway is his “beautiful girlfriend”. Heck No, you should be on Nigel’s Big Game Blog instead of here. You are disgusting and weak. And you’re threatening legal action for the picture of your gf being used? I think I will put the picture up on my blog as well, with a lovely commentary about you.

        27. How do you know that she hasn’t served in the military? Or that it isn’t a memorial tattoo in honor of a father/grandfather/uncle/brother who did serve?

        28. Dearrrr gosh..
          Next thing you know, this entire thing is going to turn into a religious conversation.
          To make it fit along the lines of which you all are only able to understand, I shall simplify my statement.
          –
          HuggyBear’s entire point on this, is that your opinion should be focused on the women that you are attracted too, and you’ll find quite a lot of them.
          Instead, in this blog, the man is focusing completely on those women that are fat and unattractive in his eyes.
          His mistake is that he is glazing his eyes over, and merely staring down at ones that he doesn’t even want to look at (Based on what he is telling us in this post.)
          I can’t say that I even want to get laid, I don’t intend to until I get married
          (“Ha-ha! What a losseerrr!” <- Retards say that.)
          Try to read what HuggyBear is saying in the right mindset, and not completely barred down on disagreeing with anything different than the blogger.
          I did the same with the blogger’s post, and what has been said against Huggy.. All of which turned out to be wrong, no matter what way I read it.

        29. You can express your opinion, and other people can argue against it. That’s kind of … life.

        32. Tattoos are difficult. You reall think about where your putting it first and how it fits that part of your body.

        33. femonazi please…the correct current pronunciation of the term is femonazi…not femi. Feminists of the 4th wave that were dissidents of the third wave, who never got along with the second wave and forgot about THE GREATEST WORLD WAR II first generational wave officially had it changed…..
          TO OBSCURE ALL MEANING WHAT SO EVER.

        34. Now the 4th generation of FEMO NAZIS did this because while mainly white middle class women use racial politics as a strategy for political advancement, they are terrified that latina women and their conservative values might give latina men some freedom and equality as liberals. Which is why the Republicans are hot on the trail of the latin vote. Male equality is of course a no no on the west coast, unless that man has boobies or is so gay flames shoot out of his butt.
          Its best just to obscure all politics and confuse people as much as possible these days.

        35. and they call me a drama queen. If I can barely remember 911 how is it you jews can still remember the holocaust…wasn’t that like two hundred years ago? Shhh my Rewanda special is on Current TV.

        36. once again its FEMONAZI. The 4th generation feminists had it changed need I go into this again.

        37. Now I understand why it’s said that the English language is the hardest language to learn. Huggy.. Is on point in his clarification/correction of what the commentator said about the girl with the tattoo. You can’t assume that your audience will automatically identify your statements as JUST your opinions. Especially if you state it’s your personal opinion one minute, then make a generalized sentiment as “We Men..” the next???
          It’s not our fault if you are not clear or concise with expressing your ideas properly. You get why you give out. Now if you were misunderstood, then rectify it by formulating what you actually meant. That would be a much smarter move; not missing the mark completely by using sarcasm like Matthew Forner did.

      2. The tattoos that I can’t stand are the ‘ironic’ and ‘trendy’ tattoos. For instance, I recently met someone that tattooed “Decepticon” across their chest. I know that Transformers imagery was kinda trendy for a while there, but how stupid will that tattoo look in ten or twenty years? It’s the tattoo equivalent of having a jingle from the 1980s plastered across your chest, like “Where’s the Beef” or “Keep on Truckin”
        (And yes, I’ll bet someone out there will think that a “Keep on Truckin” tattoo would be ironic/clever)

      3. Instead of saying “us men.” you should just say “me” because not every man is afraid of women like you and Matt Forney

      4. Instead of saying “us men.” you should just say “me” because not every man is afraid of women like you and Matt Forney

      5. Why are you speaking for men everywhere? Say YOU don’t want to date Popeye. You don’t have the slightest clue what other people might want. I’m surprised you have any FB friends left, honestly. How many of them actually know you?

      6. This is such a mess that I literally don’t know where to start. I guess here – the “petite woman” who has “made herself unattractive” is spending exactly zero percent of her time trying to attract douchebags like you. Seriously.

        1. I actually hope that my tattoos will be unattractive to douchebags, then they’ll go away and leave me alone, and leave me more time for talking to the guys who’ll treat me like a human being.

        2. Everyone is a human being.
          Keep tatting your self up – there is nothing classier or more unique these days than getting a high school dropout to draw a permanent cartoon on your body that will fade and look like shit. I personally am looking for a woman who is so degraded on the inside that she expresses it no the outside with sub dermal piercings, a nose ring piercing like a bull, tacky pink hair dye, and a tattoo that will stretch out during pregnancy when she gives birth to my son.

        3. I’m a gay man that treats women like human beings and they still shit on me. I guess its because I don’t want to sleep with them? I’m and asshole? I’m not sure.

        4. Oh this is way to serious for me about NOTHING. No really I got into this post thinking I was being trolled…and I’ve read it for the long haul and now I’m falling asleep. Its the same thing over and over and over and over. ITS LIKE WORKING RETAIL IN OREGON. SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING OFF SUBJECT.

      7. It is absolutely disgusting and disturbing that you would even think to share that voyeuristic judgement twice. Your attempt at finding people to side with you for being a scum bag, Feeling sorry for yourself because you lost friends for being a fucking jerk. Maybe you need to open up your mind and realize that you are a pervert.

        1. LOLS, I’m a pervert because I prefer the natural beauty of a woman’s skin over patriarchal warrior ink in battleship form?! If you find that ‘disgusting and disturbing’ may I suggest never leaving the house.
          I’m not feeling sorry for myself at all, I’m suggesting that ‘friends’ of mine reacted ridiculously, like you did, because I made a perfectly reasonable opinion known…repeated here as an illustration of rabid feminism. No worries, I’m moving to Moscow in July to get away from USA girl cows, feminism/fake people.
          “We wanted to move to a place (Russia) that was intense enough to scare away the fake people” -Matt Taibbi- (On his decision to start a magazine in late 90’s Russia)

        2. Of course someone could do their article, but there are so many different women than that all over. The article makes it sound like there really are not, and that wasn’t being accurate about all the other great women in all of the city. The article does make it sound like that is mostly all there is when that isn’t true.

      8. You actually think women are supposed to worry about what makes them personally attractive to you? How is it “entitled” to dress themselves and present themselves in a way that makes them happy, instead of worrying about whether or not they’ll give some random asshole a boner? They probably DON’T care that they’re unattractive to men, and they definitely shouldn’t have to change those behaviors. I know it’s scary to think of a world in which not everyone is catering specifically to your erection, but you’ll get used to it. I promise.

    2. Hey and ugly guys with great jobs seem to meet great women too! Hey wait a minute, what are WE saying about these women?

    4. Don’t be ironic; nobody in Portland has a *good* job. Nobody. There’s no economy. It’s just one big Ponzi scheme where the entire ecosystem hinges on whatever couple hundred dollars disaffected teens bring with them when they drive into town in a 20 year old van. I like it there, but beyond biking around being ironic on a budget, there’s not a whole hell of a lot going on.
      Ok, *maybe* people whose job it is to tend to people who don’t have jobs…unemployment office workers probably do pretty good in Portland.

  38. As an Oregonian, this is dead on. Lucky to live on the coast where people are a little more ‘Oregonian” versus Portland cooler than Jesus hacks. The only thing you left out….the gages in the ears. Huge farking gages & plates. Everyone thinks their cooler than everyone else. Men don’t have the guts to even be men, its why the women are so masculine. I was on the metro and saw a young men politely let a woman go around of him, she actually told him to pise off. Thats Portland for you.

  39. Go back to the East coast, if you’re that unhappy. I mean, or you could whine about it online like an asshat. Your choice.

  40. being a female in portland oregon this post makes me want to vomit. and yeah maybe then i’ll shove my face in the vomit and eat it cuz i’m SO FAT and then maybe i’ll vomit again and call it art because everyone here is SO LAME. at least we are accepting and not disgusting fucks that think shaming women is still ok IN ANY FORM. yeah we kind of are cunts here, but it’s because of ignorant tools like you.

  41. The reason why you couldn’t get laid by women in Portland and got hit on by gay men: they saw through your blatant repressed love of the caq.

        1. Yeah, being a female, I know all about fucking gay dudes. Or not! Ask the author. He seems to be an expert.

  42. You are such a douchy asshole. Also, you dont get laid because you are an ugly fat person. Go fuck yourself.

    1. “Nobody wants to talk to you because you’re an idiot.”
      Burn! You’re very clever.

  45. Instead of starting more shit let me offer some advice. You sound very bitter, and maybe angry towards women in general, and those two factors are most certainly the cause of your trouble with women. Women don’t want to be with someone who is bitter or someone who is cynical towards women.
    Also, Portland isn’t the biggest city, but it still has a lot more people than you can meet in under a year. You haven’t been here that long so you really can’t make sweeping judgments like this.
    Who hurt you, dude? Help is out there.

  46. Everyone commenting on this article which is putting down the ‘fatties’ and ‘freak chicks’ in this article is an asshole.
    A. This person has not probably looked hard enough to find the right people that are outside what they consider to be their standard social circle. some people you got along with back home in your demographic might not be the same in another demographic. There are assholes in Portland, but its not as bad as this article comes across as.
    B. Dude, you’re calling the majority of women in Portland ‘fatties’ and ‘mad max extras’ like it’s a bad thing. AND you’re calling the fat women unhealthy with complete disregard to their personal history. Fat does not equal unhealthy 100% of the time.
    C. THis whole article objectifies women.
    D. Only HALF of these points have anything to do with being a single guy looking to get laid. The weather sucks, sure, but that doesn’t contribute to why you are unable to swoon a woman into your bed, and unless you’re looking to have sex outdoors under a bridge with some toothless meth addict, the homeless population has nothing to do with you getting laid. Pointing out that nobody has anything interesting to say has nothing to do with it either. Maybe you’re just (as I pointed out in point A.) looking at the wrong people.
    This is just a short list of some personal problems with Portland that one individual has decided to post from his little soapbox behind a keyboard.

  47. And just for clarification, I live in Portland. Have for two years now, so nobody can say I don’t know because I haven’t been there.

  48. Hahahahah! This is the most hilarious comment section on the internet. I see a bunch of limp-dicked dudes bitching about their problems getting laid as if it’s someone else’s fault. This blog is either the funniest joke on ugly, oblivious dickheads ever or the guy who posted it is the ugliest, most oblivious dickhead of them all.
    Go cry because you can’t get laid. If you guys had half a brain you’d just accept your fate as the asswhores of the universe and start taking it up the ass from other men already. Fucking queers.

  50. I vacationed in Portland for a week and enjoyed my stay a lot despite noticing all the negatives you mentioned. I actually saw a lot of thin chicks who were dressed down, but they were bangable. I think if you had the cash to live in the good parts of Portland and preyed on the cute hipster chics who act like they don’t care about money but love to eat out a lot you would do fine. Look at what your competition would be and women respond to masculine men no matter what.
    Its actually kinda depressing because I can totally see an alternative universe where America is not so fucked up and Portland is just a chill coastal city that is kinda cool.

  51. Oh man, this article and these comments are too funny. Good stuff. Best comment so far: “As an Oregonian, this is dead on. Lucky to live on the coast where people are a little more ‘Oregonian” versus Portland cooler than Jesus hacks. The only thing you left out….the gages in the ears. Huge farking gages & plates. Everyone thinks their cooler than everyone else. Men don’t have the guts to even be men, its why the women are so masculine. I was on the metro and saw a young men politely let a woman go around of him, she actually told him to pise off. Thats Portland for you.”

  52. And Matt Forney, don’t let the bastards get you down. You have a keen sense for incisive biting commentary. And yes, women should sleep with you because of this.

  53. if Portland sucks for single men then it must be a paradise for single pretty women 🙂
    Never been in Portland , only in Colorado and Illinois, but Chicago is defenetly another paradise for women. Going in clubs was like immerse in a sea of testosteron. The only problem for an EE girl is that you find so many of your countrymen that you could miss the oportunity to actually meet an American guy. In their homeland they don’t give a shit if girls hang out with foreigners,but they develop a strange possessive feeling when they are abroad .

  54. Maybe the reason you aren’t getting laid is because you’re literally referring to women as ‘objects.’

  55. First off, that fat girl? Not in Portland, clearly. If you are from Portland, you know that’s not Trimet. As for you, looking like the Brain from Animaniacs, quite judgemental. One would have assumed you were good looking and successful based on how you write with a sense of entitlement to hot girls but truthfully, you look like a sloppily dressed alien. Maybe that us why you don’t get laid.

        1. Partly true don’t think mostly true. Sounds like they aren’t looking hard enough or are looking in the wrong places. Are they sure they’re just not frequenting the wrong places and not looking hard enough.. Dont think they’re trying to notice the ones who aren’t like that. As there are a real lot of ones who aren’t like that at all and women of all kinds in all of the city. I suggest they look harder at the ones who aren’t like that because many others see others of all types also everywhere.

        3. Maybe if you all weren’t so obsessed with getting laid Oregon’s economy would be getting better instead of worse? I don’t need to get laid….that is what the internet is for…..learned that in Japan.

        4. I like men so I can get any time. Which keeps me off the anti depressants. I was trying to say what everyone else says in Oregon. The comments on here are pretty predictable and canned….both sides.

        6. “Maybe if you all weren’t so obsessed with getting laid…” “I like men so I can get any time” Well…which one IS it? LOL

        10. Nah not really though. I score 2-3 a month, 7s and 8s, the occasional borderline 9.
          I don’t even bother with using the website rat race like everyone else. Passive central, gotta really smooth and streamline the approach. Having a girl for a wingman/part of your small posse is a good one too.

        11. And I don’t even try, usually even get them to pay. Portland and seattle are both strange, but I like the alternative girls who want to be slapped while begging to be fucked in the ass and calling you daddy.

    5. Clearly you are one of the pretentious idiots he is talking about. Read my response, above.
      You little Portland Douchebag.

    8. Russell…Russell…The big love muscle…Start downing Portland chicks and ya know there’ll be tussle ♪♫

  58. I’ve never had any problems finding a girlfriend in Portland, but then again, I’m not a fat and uninteresting dude who’s complaining that women are fat and uninteresting.

    1. You call him “uninteresting” and you’re re-posting the same stuff you did hours ago because nobody will bump your post? You’re on his blog reading his shit, Dude. Who’s uninteresting?

      1. For those that don’t live in Portland, one of the cities big ironies is that it rains all the time, but there are bicyclists everywhere. And you’d think the rain would drive people to the gym, but people seem to be perfectly happy getting their exercise on their bicycles.
        It’s all a bit odd, but that’s Portland for ya.

        1. Bicycles are also used for transportation, and portlanders don’t give a fuck about rain.

    4. Your picture spells “hipster d-bag.” Guys who look like you never score with women above a 4.

  59. Maybe nobody wants to talk to you because you’re a judgmental Mr. Grumpypants?

  60. Pretty sure no one has anything interesting to say to you because you’re an insufferable asshole who no one wants to talk to, yo.

  62. I was born and raised in Portland, I have watched as fuckwads from all over the country have infested my wonderful city. They get here and realize that it’s just another American city with all the garbage that comes with that and they go on the internet and bitch because they don’t fit in and can’t get laid. There are fat people and hipsters and boring people and late-night food carts ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY. DC, NYC, LA, SD, Chicago, Pittsburgh, Philly, Houston, Austin, New Orleans, etc. etc. etc. I am not a “limp-wristed hipster boy” or whatever other stereotype you are going to throw at me for making this post. The fact is there are plenty of normal people here, and plenty of hot women. We just avoid the trendy shitholes that all you foreigners (transplants included) think of as “Portland.”
    The interesting and valuable people here have healthy social lives and generally don’t go out trying to meet random people visiting from upstate NY. We have met you, you moved in across the street 5 years ago and you are still a total douchebag. The worst part about Portland are the people who have moved here recently, trumped only by the dickheads who are just visiting and trying to check “Hot Portland Hipster Girl” off their Fuck-List. Sorry you can’t pull your “from across the country” celebrity status here. I know as a person who has done some traveling that the “I just drove 3000 miles to get here” line is usually a money maker, but that doesn’t work in Portland because everyone at that shitty SE dive bar drove 3000 miles to get here.
    In short, this is the stupidest fucking article I have ever read on the internet.

      1. No, the author nailed it.
        That’s why all of You little Pdx bitches are screaming.
        Piss off.

    2. Then you show up with your northern NY white protestant values
      LOL, typical parochial Portland hack has no clue about the world outside his state. You think a city settled by Irish immigrants and named after a town in Sicily is “Protestant?” Then again, I’ve been to more states and seen more of the U.S. than 90% of the people in Portland, so I shouldn’t be surprised.
      As for the rest of your butthurtness, here’s my response: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QBwUuiehwBQ/T4IExllkxQI/AAAAAAAAA5Y/Rrxy4fkHypc/s1600/george-bush-gif.gif

      1. I have been to 47 states and most of my family is from Rochester and Palmyra. I know a bit about this country and the people of upstate NY. I like that you used a gif of GWB espousing ignorance though, fits you perfectly.

      2. Also the first churches in Syracuse were baptist and Presbyterian, you stupid fuck.

      3. Move away!!!!!!! Please, for the love of all that is good, quit infecting our city with your toxic bitterness! Nobody here wants to fuck you. Go back to Syracuse where drinking and fucking is all there is to do.

        1. No, your city was bitter and ghetto when we got here.
          We’re all staying. You little bitches just bend over and take it.
          With your snarky attitudes, your dity hippies, vile Tweekers everywhere.
          Again, the truth hurts.

      4. Move away!!!!!!! Please, for the love of all that is good, quit infecting our city with your toxic bitterness! Nobody here wants to fuck you. Go back to Syracuse where drinking and fucking is all there is to do.

    3. If he’s not describing you, he’s not talking about you.
      Generalisations are not the same as totalisations.
      y so butthurt?

      1. He extended an opinion that was true for him to apply to a more general group which I belong to. That is the definition of generalization.

      2. Yeah, you’re right. People should only speak up when they’re the ones being insulted. Good luck, marriage equality! The gays are on their own now!
        Perfect response from someone too lazy to spell out the word “why.”

    7. Portland sucks. You aren’t special there. You’re stuck there. I always find it funny how people from there talk like no where else has hipsters, “weird people” or whatever. (L.A. has the most hipsters in the world) I think you guys up there are just kinda stuck there and know nothing else. You act like it’s this “accepting” place, who accepts everyone for who they are. But then you bash your neighbor across the street. I think the snobbery of Portland is spot on in this article. The hippy-snobbery is evident there. “If you don’t believe my hippy ideology, you’re stupid and I’m better than you.” That part of Portland is lame. And for the record, your anti-California attitude in Portland is funny to me since you stole the hippy idea’s from there. lol. FYI-The rest of the country doesn’t care or really know much about Portland. Maybe that’s why you have to pound your weird chests so loud to get attention. Hippy-snobs are the worst thing that has ever hit the planet. But they actually believe they are saving the world. Emotion is the power behind the green movement–oh yea, and $$$$$$.
      Saying all that. I’ll probably go to Portland sometime in summer to fish. I’d never be dumb enough to go there during winter, or actually live under a grey sky and rain for 9 months. Guess I’d be a snob, too. Ok-surfs up. Going to hang out with people that are nice and caring cause they are, not cause they are trying to out-fake another fake person, which I find to be most of the people in Portland. Fakers.

    8. Boy, what a DBAG you are!! You personify EVERYTHING wrong about this place!! No wonder I despise Portland so much!!

    9. New Yorkers get a laugh out of Portland. WE can’t take you little bitches seriously. I’m a woman, I could beat your ass.
      Portland men are Bitches. Know that.
      The truth must hurt soooo much. That’s why you Portland Bitches are all flipping out reading it.
      He hit the nail on the head, and your little ass can’t take it.
      Shut up, open a PBR, and take it like a Bitch, from a real man.
      New Yorkers are here, and we’re staying.
      Bend over and grab your ankles, Bitches.

    10. your such a creep and one of the many reasons why Portland sucks m butthole. I’m so pissed I moved here Polyamorist fuck face.

      1. Ooooooh right…I forgot writing a scathing article about how one isn’t satisfied with their pick of women, as if we’re cattle, is in no way misogynistic. No, not at all. You see, we have absolutely no worth unless some small-dicked loser on a computer wants to fuck us.
        Thank you, Matt, for opening our eyes to our real purpose in life — pleasing overweight, entitled turdburgers who probably make about $10/day with their freelance work.

  64. Matt Forney, you should move back to the east coast. We don’t want you here. We live in Portland so we don’t have to hear about “swole bros” trying to pull some tail. You don’t understand this place. You would be more comfortable in Florida, or New Jersey, surrounded by like-minded douchebags. Move there. Stop poisoning my town with your juvenile and primitive attitudes towards people.

  65. This made my day. You are an idiot and you talk about Portland women as if you are some kind of gorgeous lady-killer. If you’re looking for a city in Oregon that has a lady worthy of your attributes, stick to a city with a high number of prison parolees or child molesters, because you’d fit right in based on your photo. I get that there are things about Portland that are less than desirable, but you talk about the place with such an undeserving arrogance. Who the hell cares that you hitchhiked all that way? If you had the money to travel across the country, you probably would have… which could lead one to think, if you didn’t have the cash, then you must be really good at blow jobs. Your lame, pretentious attitude is not only sickening, but it’s repelling. If your ugly looks got you in the general vicinity of any attractive female (Portland or not), rest assured that your attitude would have them asking you to leave. If you’re such a catch and so deserving of a beautiful female, why’d you travel to Portland alone? If you’re looking for cookie-cutter ladies that you can somehow coax into becoming your submissive Step-ford wife, just go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under.

  66. Great article and spot on, Matt. but you can’t expect to write something like this and not receive some backlash. You’re undercutting your well-constructed and humorous arguments by engaging in pointless stupidity in the comments section. Honestly, I really thought less of what you had to say when you engaged on the level of “I know you are but what am I.”
    Please tell me you posted the crappiest/creepiest picture of yourself you could find in order to raise the hackles of hipsters with nothing to grasp onto except “Oh yeah, well you’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.”

  67. Portland is a horrible and depressing place that I would only recommend to my worst enemy. I lived there for 15 years. Now I live in a shit hole town in the south and I think its paradise compared to Portland, and I’m a liberal now living in a racist uneducated backwoods bumfuck town in dixie. That being said, the author of this article is a complete and utter chode.

  68. At least four of these photos were shot outside of Portland. (That’s not a MAX train. It’s a subway.)
    More importantly, What a mean, simple-minded article this is, and what a date-rapey website. Enjoy a life of chronic masturbation

    1. “and what a date-rapey website. Enjoy a life of chronic masturbation”. Wow, the white knight is strong in this one.

  69. Wierd, the GF and I just visited Portland a month ago. Hmm… I had chicks all over my jock when I was there. My GF was pretty impressed. Everyone we came into contact there were pretty friendly and outgoing. I even got recognized by patrons of bars for being somewhere else during the day. They came up to me. People were happy to chat with us. Wonder why you didn’t get the same treatment? BTW, I’m not the buffest man out there, but I do hold myself up pretty well. I have an air of class and confidence that’s probably missing in the guys you are aiming this piece at. Maybe you should ask yourself, why don’t these girls like me? What am I doing wrong? Instead of, “Portland sucks because nobody likes me and they’re all fat dodo heads.”
    Now, I will say that most of the girls there did have an average look to them. Nobody really stood out. Until I went out to bars and clubs that were more like me. Then I found some. Shout out to the Hive and Lovecraft. Also, maybe you should broaden your taste in women. The “Fat” girl and the “Mad Max” girl both look fine to me. However, I do believe they may be out of your league.

  70. Matt, you look like Ryan Gosling in “Drive.”
    Wait, let me be more specific: you look like Ryan Gosling in “Drive” when he puts on the movie stuntman prosthetic mask.

  72. I grew up in portland and I can vouch that this is accurate. I think the weather is to blame. Thanks for putting that as the number one reason! lol

      1. My biological purpose? 1) You don’t know if I am a woman or not (you are making assumptions). 2) Part of biology is the ability to evolve and you are apparently still dreaming of the caveman days. Luckily, that also means your backwards thinking will eventually die out. Hope it’s soon.

  74. 1.) What does homelessness have to do with being a single guy in Portland? 2.) Just because the author doesn’t find tattoos, piercings, and brightly colored hair attractive, doesn’t mean that nobody does. Different strokes for different folks, bro. 3.) If the author hates Portland so much, he can always go back to Syracuse. 4.) It’s no wonder the author can’t get laid…what self-respecting woman would let this kind of toxicity into her life? 5.) Poor Matt Forney, it’s not Portland that’s the problem…it’s your bad attitude.

  75. this is disgusting.
    The post reeks of anti-female sentiment. Try treating women with respect instead of something you judge and blog about. This has nothing to do with Portland and everything to do with the fact that you don’t belong in Portland. I find Portland to be one of the friendliest cities I’ve visited. And you don’t seem like a nice person. Ipso Facto you don’t belong there.
    … and your post is all over facebook. with your picture attached to it. SO good luck with that.

  76. Since this article has hit Reddit, the comment section has been f being flooded with people telling the writer what a materialistic pompous chode he is. Comments are being deleted here left and right. Stop deleting comments please. If you’re going to insult the entire female population of a city, you need to be ready for the blowback. You should relish the attention, probably a hell of a lot more than you get in real life.

        1. The bit about “I can hear portlanders say…” Was added after that started happening, and you changed your comment about a masters degree in feminist whatever (I don’t recall your exact derisive/sarcastic choice) to cephalopod biology. I wished I had cached the article because I would be able to be more exact.

        2. Those were in there when the article was published on Friday. I have the drafts to prove it. So you’re either a liar or your perception of reality is so fucked that you’re imagining whole paragraphs in a blog post materializing out of thin air. And given that you’re a Portlander, it could easily be both.

  77. Being from Portland, you’re obviously doing something wrong. How about look on the bright side, get over the weather, and stop looking. It’s not all bad.

  78. I grew up in Portland, and then I lived in upstate NY.
    I found the latter absolutely appalling, and I’m chalking up your asshole ‘tude to being from there.
    Maybe the kind, fit women of Portland would be more willing to talk to you if your nose wasn’t stuck up your own ass. Portlanders don’t like pompous east coast jerks.
    I’ll give you the part about the weather. It’s depressing and dreary and definitely makes you want to crawl into bed all winter. But what cracks me up is that everyone in Portland is crawling into bed all winter WITH everyone else. If you’re not getting laid in PORTLAND, there’s something seriously wrong with you.
    I’m not normally so rant-y, but I’m also not normally so disgusted. So.

  79. Not really sure what homeless people, and weather have to do with keep a guy from getting laid…? Are there lightning strikes hitting your dong every time you take it out? Is some homeless person harassing your steez and cock blocking you? You argument just really makes no sense to me…. and you’re dead wrong about the ladies. Plenty of cuties abound in this city. Perhaps you’re actually hanging out in Gresham or Beaverton, and you just don’t know it.
    Oh, also, you can always go back to wherever you came from. But then you may not have anything to bitch about, so….

  80. what this article read like:
    “me and by bro, chad broington couldnt find anything “normal” to penetrate. girls here have opinions and im not used to that. i’ve never been treated as an outsider since i tried going to that good charlotte show in high school; no thanks ill stick to the lacross team, faggs.”

  82. I’m a fellow Syracuse migrant to Portland and I have to disagree on a number of points. The weather here is devoid of snow until April, nor does it have sweltering summer. Those who can hack it through the rain are rewarded with at least hour months of consistent sunshine and California-like weather. Second, the woman are beautiful and thinner here compared to back east, hetero-normative looking or otherwise. The problem is that most of attractive women are taken; this is a very coupled up town, regardless of sexual orientation. No one was impressed with your “I drove across the country” story because pretty much everyone else did the same thing to get here. I do agree with you on the point about the large mass of underemployer college-educated baristas shouting radical polemics.
    I burst out laughing when you said this place is a “low crime” city. Maybe low crime compared to a place like Philly or Baltimore, but just because we don’t have as many gang bangers doesn’t mean we don’t have a cohort of meth heads, vagrants, alcoholics, and other detritus that roam around and vandalize or break into your shit, no matter how nice your neighborhood is.

  84. I too traveled x-country. My favorite spot was Boulder, CO. Ever been? I’m moving there in the fall. You’d probably like it there; lots of hot women, great food, & stuff to do outdoors. They’re a bunch of dirty hippies there of course but that does come with certain benefits…

  85. You, sir, are a narrowminded womanizing bag of douche.
    I live in SE Portland.
    I have a great career.
    I was a former Playboy model.
    I have a very positive attitude.
    I am not fat.
    And yes, I am single.
    And no, I would not go near you with a ten foot pole because of your attitude for treating women as objects. Who CARES if a girl has a few extra pounds? That doesn’t make her FAT. It doesn’t make her less of a person. And it definitely doesn’t make her bad in bed! Get off your high horse and quit whining. Maybe learn to respect the people in the city you live in and you’ll be treated with kindness. This is a very personable city. The issues you bring up are your own, not Portland’s.
    If you knew anything about the actual dating scene in Portland you would realize it is dominated by those few eligible men in their 30s that don’t have kids, have a stable job, and have a place to live. That’s a rare combo. Those men RULE this city they are in such high demand. It wouldn’t be hard for you to become one of those men if you just took the time to care about your style, appearance, and treated women with the respect they deserve. Believe it or not, even though we are of a different gender, we are people too.

    1. Being roughed up by Playboy’s security guards doesn’t make you a former Playboy model.

    2. Damn, Elly- lay it all out for this man. I think that this article is actually really good for its readership. ROK readers don’t come to Portland! You will not like it. You will be challenged by our general agreements on intellectualism, gender equality, and non-conventional lifestyle.

    3. I think you’re right, and I think it’s one of the reasons that polyamory is so common in Portland. Basically there’s so many losers in Portland, a lot of women get sick of trying to find a needle in a haystack, and accept a relationship with a man who’s dating multiple partners.
      I <3 Portland, but there’s a dark side to the slacker culture. Basically there are a LOT of men in Portland that are living life as if they’re still in college. How many men have you met in Portland who’s three favorite things are beer, weed, and video games?
      I’m not going to complain, because I am a man and it doesn’t really affect me. But Portland must be a very stressful place for a single woman who’s looking for a long term stable relationship.

    4. You’re wrong about the womanizing. One can’t be a womanizer if women won’t come near them.

    5. You’re wrong about the womanizing. One can’t be a womanizer if women won’t come near them.

  86. Lived in Portland since the 70s. I see your point but your failure is in this old, paraphrased statement: “When in Rome, do as the Romans.” Who you are approaching is not interested in you, that is your doing. Had the problem myself until I came to that realization when I was 30. I made some positive changes in myself and did well when it came to meeting women in Portland.
    …and if you and your supporters insist on being douchey than get all ripped and hard and hang out in Old Town any Fri-Sat night. The exact opposite of what you blogged about is there. You just need to fit in.

  87. If you’re going to write a piece about a specific place, the least you could do was used photos from that place. At least 4 of these images are from other cities. The most glaring: the NY subway one.

  89. Wait, is this guy being serious? He’s not even attractive. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t had any luck with Portland ladies lol (besides of the fact that he sounds like an arrogant douchebag…)

  91. Any man that can’t get laid in Portland is truly hopeless. Here’s why:
    1) Portland is Slacker Heaven. Portland is a city where hundreds of men are unemployed and working on their screenplay, or planning to open a foodcart, or scrounging up a few bucks to open a tattoo parlor.
    2) Call me sexist, but plenty of women would like to meet a guy and settle down and start a family. And that’s kind of hard to do when your boyfriend is an unemployed aspiring screenwriter. (Unless you plan to support him, of course.)
    3) I’ve lived and worked in lots of cities, and I’ve never seen a city with more alcoholics than Portland. Even Milwaukee can’t hold a candle to Portland’s love of booze. The city celebrates beer to a degree that would make Homer Simpson proud. Unfortunately, it’s kinda hard to drag yourself to work when you drink until you black out every night, which is *also* one of the reasons that Portland is slacker heaven.
    You add all this up, and if you’re a single man that’s able to hold down a job, and you’re not on your fourth DUI or living in Gresham, you’ll probably do just fine when dating in Portland.

  92. The author of this article came to Oregon expecting The Beaver State, and got mad when he found out our motto is “She Flies With Her Own Wings”

  93. you forgot to post a picture of what you look like dude… that would’ve done a lot more for me understanding why you cant get laid here without reading a whiny list. Your twitter says not for sale for pussies and whiners and that sounds like a self description to me

  94. . . . way to be a sexist pig! . . . that’ll really improve your shot at getting laid, you little limp dick . . .

  96. Card-carrying Portland ‘hipster’ here. You would sneer if you saw me in person, guaranteed. There are TONS of attractive women in Portland, you are just picking on some ugly Mary Sue stereotype or are only looking for women at Saturday market and Old town bars, when really what youre angry about is the spectre of your failed love life. It’s not Portland, its you pal. Me and my 40+ notches on my belt attest to that.

  97. it’s okay. Clearly this writer just spent a single weekend here after reading some weird version of “Playboy’s Guide To Portland.” Based on the commentary, the boy walked around four block in a small part of town his whole time here. Obviously didn’t see any Portland cops (notoriously corrupt and violent), and tried the same boring “lines” that a great many tourists use. So no wonder he was ignored.

  98. Hipster is a term co-opted for use as a meaningless pejorative
    in order to vaguely call someone else’s authenticity into question and,
    by extension, claim authenticity for yourself. It serves no
    conversational function and imparts no information, save for indicating
    the opinions and preferences of the speaker.
    You can’t define what that kind of behavior or fashion or
    lifestyle actually is, nor will you ever be able to. That’s because you
    don’t use hipster to describe an actual group of people, but to describe
    a fictional stereotype that is an outlet for literally anything that
    annoys you.
    The twist, of course, is that if it weren’t for your own
    insecurities, nothing that a hipster could do or wear would ever affect
    you emotionally. But you are insecure about your own authenticity – “Do I
    wear what I wear because I want to? Do I listen to my music because I
    truly like it? I’m certainly not like those filthy hipsters!”- so you
    project those feelings onto others.
    if you believe hipsters exist, you are a plebeian.

  100. We reject you because you’re a bitter pig who writes whiny blog posts about women on the internet.
    Is the fact that intelligent women aren’t attracted to assholes really such an epiphany?

  101. That girl busting out of her cardigan has some massive tits. I don’t care if she’s overweight/unhealthy looking, I most certainly would love a crack at those massive mammaries. Christ almighty.

  102. dear guy who wrote this piece of trash… the 6 reasons that no woman anywhere would want to date you, regardless of city… 1. you’re shallow 2. you’re an insensitive idiot 3. YOU are unattractive 4. obviously low IQ 5. blame everyone else for your shortcomings (even blaming a city… super sad) 6. YOU COMPLAIN A LOT…. i know tons of gorgeous guys who are great, they aren’t whining little bitches and they have no trouble pick up good looking intelligent in shape women right here in portland.
    ps… if it isn’t everyone else… maybe it’s YOU…

  103. I nominate this for troll of the year!!! This is Old School style trolling. Well done! Just enough truth to infuriate the weak. The Rushmore pic was icing on the cake. Noice. You even had me going.

  104. I really like that portlanders defend women from Portland. It doesn’t matter how pretty or ugly they are, the women are theirs, so nobody can ofend them 🙂

  105. Short article: (1) I whine about the weather here, despite growing up in Siberia; (2) homeless people make my johnson soft; (3) I rationalize not getting laid by harping on the fact that there are overweight people here; (4) the pretty ones offend my hetero-normative, conformist sensibilities,; (5) I didn’t get laid after hanging out in a crowded bar in Old City; and (6) people here offend me with their leftist views and their failure to appreciate my self-serving boasts that should have gotten me laid.
    Go back to Upstate NY you n00b.

  106. While you, this blog, and many of the comments are being torn to shreds currently on r/Portland I have to say that as a current resident I declare you ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON with your Portland analysis. I work in sales and travel the country and get to see all types of people and while your description can be harsh it’s also completely true. In fact at this very moment I’m in Portland at a pizza joint waiting on a client and as I look about the restaurant I see nothing but chub. Granted its a pizza place but even a couple of the ladies are showing exposed bellies that are pouring over the front of their jeans. Time for work so I’ll stop here. It’s all true though. Wish I had more time to express the virtues of these fat chicks. They do love to party.

    1. I think you’re right, but I think a lot of this is a reaction to the *men* in Portland.
      Basically “water seeks it’s own level.” If you live in a town full of lazy unmotivated slackers, there isn’t a huge motivation to look good.
      For instance, if you walk around Santa Monica California, you’ll see guys that work out, guys with great teeth, guys with sharp clothes. You can’t walk a block without seeing a guy that looks great.
      Portland is basically the opposite of that. And I think the women react accordingly.

  107. Hahahaha….wait..wait…HAHAHAHA! Dude, I saw your photo. You should thank the gods above if ANY woman wants to fuck you….mostly because of your shitty tude. And by the way, most of the assholes/uncreative hipsters/ douchbags are from the midwest and east coast. I’ve lived in a few states/cities and BY FAR, this is the sluttiest town I’ve ever lived in! Not saying its a good or bad thing. Just stating what I’ve experienced/observed/been a part of. One more thing, skid row was not started in Portland, that would be Seattle. Wiki it.

  108. Waaaaaah, it’s rainy! Waaaaah, women don’t tailor themselves to what I personally find attractive. Waaaah, I moved here from somewhere else and am bitching about the natives. Shut up.

      1. Now, isn’t that just adorable. When you can’t find something to actually attack, I’m apparently a WHORE. Now, as a successful small business owner (not selling pussy!) and a happily married wife…well…I can only assume that you’re a sad, sad little person.
        I mean really, you could have gone for anything…but whore! Awesome! You’re simply showing how very sad and pathetic you are at discourse. Really, I actually expected better, or rather better attacks from you MRA douches.
        So really….YOU FAIL.
        And, I probably make waaaay more money than you. I say this not as a class thing. It’s really mostly because I know it will piss you off. Kisses!

  109. I’m also originally from Syracuse, and I lived in Portland for 8 years. I enjoyed my time there, and had some pretty great relationships with some beautiful and intelligent women. I’m going to assume that you’re one of those douchebags who moves somewhere and expects that location to make you a better person. I’m sure your music and shitty attitude was just as bad in Syracuse as it is in Portland. Maybe you can’t get laid because your an asshole, and no one likes you. If you want people to pay attention to you, then move to Compton, where they’ll definitely pay attention to a whiney white bitch like you. Great journalism whore, you should write for Maxim.

    1. Right? Nice to know he thinks women are things. Truth in advertising, and he wonders why aren’t there all kinds of “things” hanging off him?

  111. So what was that whole thing about the homeless people? Will they also not talk to you or have sex with you?

  112. I’m still trying to figure out how lots of bums make it harder to get laid. Are the bums taking all Forney’s women?

  113. You remind me of myself when I was 17. Man I was an ignorant, petulant little shit. Good thing I grew up.

  114. You remind me of myself when I was 17. Man I was an ignorant, petulant little shit. Good thing I grew up.

  115. Dude, this is effed up, fuck whoever wrote this shit. This person obviously hates women.
    Further more, maybe if you changed your expectations of women, then you wouldn’t feel this way about women. WHAT a DOUCHEBAG! Stay single and dumb, you Ahole.

  116. Well no wonder you can’t get laid. What a poorly written piece of shit by an even bigger piece of shit.

  117. Well no wonder you can’t get laid. What a poorly written piece of shit by an even bigger piece of shit.

  120. dude, put your phone away at concerts. your pictures are terrible, and you took a lot, which means you had your phone up a lot… girls do not find this attractive in Portland.

  121. dude, put your phone away at concerts. your pictures are terrible, and you took a lot, which means you had your phone up a lot… girls do not find this attractive in Portland.

  122. Has it occurred to you that perhaps the reason you’re not getting laid is that you’re an arrogant, rude, obnoxious, sexist, offensive, holier-than-thou, immature douchebag who’s not nearly as good a writer or as great a catch as you clearly think you are, and who makes jokes about the Holocaust? In short, you’re a dick. What the heck would women want to sleep with you for? Jackass.

  123. Has it occurred to you that perhaps the reason you’re not getting laid is that you’re an arrogant, rude, obnoxious, sexist, offensive, holier-than-thou, immature douchebag who’s not nearly as good a writer or as great a catch as you clearly think you are, and who makes jokes about the Holocaust? In short, you’re a dick. What the heck would women want to sleep with you for? Jackass.

  126. That MAX train looks an awful lot like an NYC subway… way to make your case with pictures.

  127. That MAX train looks an awful lot like an NYC subway… way to make your case with pictures.

  128. I took a peek at the links to your other pages and I’m willing to guess that you’re having a hard time finding anyone willing or worthy to bang you for reasons that revolve around you and the fact that you make idiotic statements like the ones you’ve made here. You’re right, Portland is clique-ish and there are a significant number of women of size here. There are also a lot of people who live to please themselves instead of buying into the idea that society should shape who you are, how you look and how you behave… I fear you’re more intimidated than unimpressed – and, since you feel so free to judge EVERY woman in Portland – I feel I have a right to say, after looking at your Facebook (which you can find the link to after you click on the author’s name above) you may be having a hard time getting laid for MANY reasons not even remotely related to the ones you’ve mentioned.
    And, yes – please do continue to keep men like you far, far away from our fair city. We, the women in the area, sincerely thank you.

  130. Reason # 7: Because dumpy, World of Warcraft playing internet trolls who write for blogs with articles entitled ” How To Identify A Roast Beef Vagina” have trouble getting laid ANYWHERE.

  131. Reason # 7: Because dumpy, World of Warcraft playing internet trolls who write for blogs with articles entitled ” How To Identify A Roast Beef Vagina” have trouble getting laid ANYWHERE.

  132. Because you only care about shock-value and publicity, I’m sure you’ll have a pseudo-witty and cutting response to this post as you did for everyone else here with whom you disagree. But in my experience, men who are secure in who they are and what they contribute to the world, do not have to spew hateful rhetoric to get noticed. They get noticed for their confidence and positivity. You’d probably call them fags, but I guarantee they are doing what you cannot– sleeping with the beautiful women of this city. Those are real masculine men. You are ugly not because of what you look like, but because of the hate that you send out into the world.

  133. Because you only care about shock-value and publicity, I’m sure you’ll have a pseudo-witty and cutting response to this post as you did for everyone else here with whom you disagree. But in my experience, men who are secure in who they are and what they contribute to the world, do not have to spew hateful rhetoric to get noticed. They get noticed for their confidence and positivity. You’d probably call them fags, but I guarantee they are doing what you cannot– sleeping with the beautiful women of this city. Those are real masculine men. You are ugly not because of what you look like, but because of the hate that you send out into the world.

  134. Thanks for letting all the guys who are BBW lovers know about Portland !! We could use a lot less people like Mr Forney though..Try getting a date here being an african american BBW Portland native, its next to impossible..

  135. ha ha ha – no wonder you can’t get laid. You want to rant on about the homeless and women, in every way possible…but I would assume your ass was STANKIN’ when you landed in PDX. BTW – ‘hitchin and a beggin’ for a ride across country – IS SUPER BORING.

  136. ha ha ha – no wonder you can’t get laid. You want to rant on about the homeless and women, in every way possible…but I would assume your ass was STANKIN’ when you landed in PDX. BTW – ‘hitchin and a beggin’ for a ride across country – IS SUPER BORING.

  137. What a douche. Go back to NYC. The reason this city is bad for single guys like you is because there are so many hot, sucessful, friendly men here and you can’t hold a flame to them- the most i teresting thing you habe done is play at being broke so you could hitch across the county… Woo flippen who.

    1. Do you live in Portland?
      I’ve traveled all over the world, and I’ve never seen a major metropolitan area with men that are less motivated, less ambitious, and less successful.
      Sure, there ARE a handful of guys that actually have ambition, but they’re dramatically outweighed by the guys who’s greatest ambition is to finish the next level of their xBox game. It’s a city full of Peter Pans.

  138. What a douche. Go back to NYC. The reason this city is bad for single guys like you is because there are so many hot, sucessful, friendly men here and you can’t hold a flame to them- the most i teresting thing you habe done is play at being broke so you could hitch across the county… Woo flippen who.

  139. You can leave Portland now. We won’t miss you.
    P.S. Nobody talks to you or welcomes you because they can sense you’re a douchebag.

  140. Wow. An unattractive tool with an east coast mentality – hates tattoos and makes rude comments about overweight women – doesn’t get the warmest welcome in the super trendy, super laid back, super liberal city of Portland. Imagine.

    1. He only says those things because overweight women are gross both outside and inside.

  141. Wow. An unattractive tool with an east coast mentality – hates tattoos and makes rude comments about overweight women – doesn’t get the warmest welcome in the super trendy, super laid back, super liberal city of Portland. Imagine.

  142. Wait a minute…I just checked out this goon’s picture. Really? Shaved head with a goatee? THAT is why no one will fuck you, guy. Good god! You have absolutely no room to judge anyone else’s looks. None whatsoever. Go back to Syracuse, Mr. Clean.

  143. Wait a minute…I just checked out this goon’s picture. Really? Shaved head with a goatee? THAT is why no one will fuck you, guy. Good god! You have absolutely no room to judge anyone else’s looks. None whatsoever. Go back to Syracuse, Mr. Clean.

  145. Cool, go home then. You don’t belong here. The rest of us like Portland the way it is. P.S. Have you considered that maybe the reason the ladies of Portland don’t want to talk to you is because you’re a chauvinistic, rude, uninteresting jerk? Oooo wow, you hitch hiked across the country let us all grovel at your feet…

  146. Cool, go home then. You don’t belong here. The rest of us like Portland the way it is. P.S. Have you considered that maybe the reason the ladies of Portland don’t want to talk to you is because you’re a chauvinistic, rude, uninteresting jerk? Oooo wow, you hitch hiked across the country let us all grovel at your feet…

  147. Hey, I’m an attractive, HWP female in my 20s with minimal tats and no piercings. I get approached more often than not when I leave the house. I wouldn’t have sex with you if you had the most perfect dick on the planet. I imagine most of the other women in Portland feel the same. It’s understandable why you’re so bitter.

  148. Hey, I’m an attractive, HWP female in my 20s with minimal tats and no piercings. I get approached more often than not when I leave the house. I wouldn’t have sex with you if you had the most perfect dick on the planet. I imagine most of the other women in Portland feel the same. It’s understandable why you’re so bitter.

    1. I have the ugliest dick … Its small and uncircumcised … But I promise to make you laugh 🙂 I’ll open the doors for you and respect you …. Let’s go out tonite

    3. If you are attractive by Portland standards, you are Ugly by the rest of the world’s standards.
      Most of the other women in Portland are Lesbians, so piss off.
      That’s why everyone from Seattle and Cali hate your nasty, snarky asses.
      I’ll guarantee, your’e an ugly bitch.

  149. With an attitude like yours, I’m amazed the women aren’t just FLOCKING to you. I don’t know how somebody with your shitty outlook on life and pathetic wining gets anybody to talk to you in ANY city. I’ve traveled all over the world and you know what I’ve found? People are pretty much the same everywhere, it’s YOU that brings out their best or worst. Stop wandering aimlessly around a city with your dick leading the way and maybe you’ll have better luck on your travels. Oh and with a little research you can find out what common weather conditions are like. Here I’ll help you out – go east to central Oregon and it’s sunny 300+ days of the year. Head south to California and you’ll find all the sun, liposuction and silicone you want.

  153. This is hilarious. I don’t have the words to describe it. Do you get paid to troll? Do you get paid to post pictures of unwitting Portlanders over ridiculously insensitive captions? If you want to change your life, I suggest you start by putting the blogging career to rest. Stop fucking with my city.

    1. He gets “paid” in website hits. Poor Matt Forney is going to be self-publishing for the rest of his life.

  154. There’s actually quite a lot of variation in Portland. This blog screed accurately describes the SE part of Portland. However, downtown, and other parts of Portland are different. Even downtown varies. The best eye candy can be seen in the Pioneer Square area, which is where Nordstroms and some of the high end shops like Louis Vitton are located. The Pearl district is more artsy and is becoming very “yuppified”. There are several good restaurants there.
    North Portland is bohemian, but is quite different from SE Portland. It is edgier. Beaverton all the way down to Tualatin is the typical suburban scene.
    It is true that Portland is the place where young people go to retire. However, this description is probably more appropriate to SE in particular than to Portland as a whole.
    Portland is definitely the microbrewery capital of the U.S. Lots of good brew here. Live in Portland and you will never drink mass-market beer again, if you ever drank it previously.
    About the “hipster” look. I think this is more of a temporal than a Portland thing. Over the past 50 years, there have been three distinct periods where young people have deliberately “uglified” themselves. The first was the “hippie” period during the late 60’s to early 70’s. The second was the grunge scene during the early 90’s. The third is the current period. Wait a few years, the women (and the men) will become attractive again.

      1. They vary. In a restaurant, about $4-5. Some of them are sold in stores. Some restaurants actually have their own brewery. They brew their own beer on site. What is less known, is that the Willamette Valley is becoming quite the wine producer as well. Some of it is quite good. The local cheese is really good (unpasteurized).

        1. The Willamette Valley is at the same latitude as the south of France, and in some respects Oregon’s climate is superior to California for growing wine. The quality is good, the prices are better, and the wines will only improve as vineyards refine their craft.

        2. Definitely the prices are better. I think French wine is overrated. CA and OR wines are quite good. My favorite local product is the cheese. I went to a wine tasting venue at a local winery when I first moved here and had some of the best cheese ever.

        3. Thanks for the answer Kurt9.
          French wine is the best though Ozzie does challenge. A pinot noir from Nz or Tassie has all the best and more than euro has to offer.
          Still, I went to a Paris takeaway recently and he had a whole lot of local Parisian and Belgian beer for sale which was just brilliant, and mostly at 6% plus.
          America set the wave for micro brew which makes me want to visit Seattle and Portland for that. Besides David Lynch’s movies. Always wanted to visit The Great Western or whatever it was called from Twin Peaks and get mind blowingly drunk on the world’s greatest ales, as my mrs prowls about looking for another kid for me to sire.
          Recently went to germany where an ale is approx 1 euro for half a litre. And you can drink it on the streets, right outside a Cathedral eating a sausage.
          Here, in Oz, you’ll be paying at least $8 for a glass of piss you have to drink in a pub with a bunch of Portlander arseholes pretending they’re something special.
          One last thing, more men should drink porter and stout, women, Kölsch. Though, I love that Kölsch.
          Anyway, thank you.
          Tell me about your favourite Portlander brew.

  155. Women here don’t want to have sex with you, and people in general probably don’t want to talk to you, because you sound like a douche. Portland WAS a great thing, about 15 years ago. And then D-bags like you started moving here, because you heard it was so great. Guess what? People that are already in a place don’t really enjoy hordes of new people moving in, especially when they complain about the place they just moved to. Try not being an asshole, and it’ll probably help your situation.

  157. what an unknowingly idiot account. By the way, Skid Row was originally in Seattle, not Portland. (BTW2: I love Seattle). S

  158. Wow. You’re a terrible person. You’re not good at it, ya’ know…being a person. Please, leave Portland. (P.S. Nobody talks to you because you’re kind of a douche…)

    1. Yeah, when your argument lacks logic, back it up with implied violence…lucky for you jackboots are back in style.

      1. I <3 Portland, but the attitude of people like “smalldicksyndrome” is no joke.
        I’ve never seen an area of the world that’s less tolerant of someone expressing an opinion. And people like “smalldicksyndrome” don’t see the irony of wishing violence on you for simply opening your mouth.

  161. We’re waiting until you leave before we break out the hot chicks. We’re trying to keep from polluting the gene pool.

  163. YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT. Go back to NY and take all the other fuck heads with you. I miss the time when you told somebody you were from Oregon and they said, “where?”

  165. Looks like this got you all the hits you were looking for. Grats on being an ultimate douche writing for an ultimate douche website. Can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t talk to you.
    And good lord, is this the pot calling the kettle black much?

  169. Dude, I have a totally wonderful friend who lives in your town! He’s a gay male, however is totally fabulous! Maybe you need to stop judging people and be open minded. If you are open minded then the right people will pick up on this. Stop trying to “pick up” people. Find interesting people- male or female- because even if you’re not sexually/romantically interested in Person A, then he or she would be a wonderful friend and they are totally important, and could possibly introduce you to others, who may be more of what you’re looking for romantically. Don’t discount friends!!! You need them, and they will introduce you to those who are similar enough to you that you could find a romantic interest. Peace!

  171. Q: Hipster A is bicycling down NE Alberta in a clown suit while
    balancing a five-gallon jug of organic vinegar at a speed of 15 miles
    per hour. Hipster B is bicycling down Alberta buck naked while
    balancing a five-gallon jug of spring water at 17 miles per hour….
    When they run into each other because each thought the other should
    move out of his way because he’s way more important, what sound will
    the colliding jugs make?
    A: “DOUCHE!”

  172. oh man fat gay girls that dont want to talk to you are the WORST. guess you’ll have to go to beaverton.

  174. I seem to have misplaced my copy of the DoucheBag Dictionary. What the hell does “swole” mean?

  175. I live in Portland and everything you’ve said is 100% bullshit and an obviously from the perspective of a lonely, bitter douchebag.

    1. I was born in Portland, and my parents were native Oregonians. Matt is completely correct.
      Portland has been invaded by Californian retards, and their spawn, who have all become hipster douches, and is being invaded by bums attracted by socialist politicians who won’t run them off, or put them to work as prisoners serving misdemeanor sentences.
      Portland is done. Stick a fork in it, and move away. I did.

      1. I know. Its horrible. I came to Portland about 9 years ago an it was awesome. I moved here 2 yes ago and its hell.

  176. If you want to attract the ladies, I’d recommend a new look. One that doesn’t say, “I’m a walking dick with ears.”

  177. Funny how being in front of a computer screen makes you think people will believe you when you claim you received “positive reception” in three cities far, far away.

  178. “The amount of hate spewed by someone online is inversely correlated with their real life accomplishments.”
    Welp, that explains this entire article and your very existence. Can I be there when you realize this is you in a nutshell? Something about dudes who already look like overgrown babies crying is just entertaining to me.

  180. Portland is my favorite place on earth. I grew up here and have watched it grow into an amazing place to live. Sorry you had a bad experience but just because you did doesn’t mean you have to trash talk it.

  181. Portland born and bred native right here. I get plenty of hot tail and we don’t want you’re kind here anyway. We don’t like whiners! You sound like a wimp, I thought you were taking a cross country road trip to “change yourself” don’t try and change us! ~503

  182. I’ve got an idea for a quick way you could help improve the quality of people in Portland – move away! I’m tired of snotty Midwesterners and East Coasters landing here and acting like they own the place.

  183. Hey Matt, moving here from NY is not an interesting topic of conversation for most people because it’s a 60 year old cliche. What, never read Kerouac? I met my beautiful wife here who is neither fat, nor skinny, nor overly tattooed, nor sarcastic. Maybe you’re projecting your own insecurities on the poor ladies of Stumptown. They don’t want to talk to you? Maybe it’s because you reek of desperation and they realize you’re out to steal their panties and not their hearts. Don’t get laid enough? Sounds like a personal problem.

  186. Stealing photos for your blog is so creative.
    Maybe you just suck and that’s why you don’t get laid.

  187. Dear Matt,
    I wasn’t sure if I would even submit a response to your article, but the inherent nature of it is so sickening to me on various levels that I felt some things needed to be said.
    First of all, the picture of the beautiful woman on the NYC subway is in fact my girlfriend. She is an amazing woman- smart, talented, beautiful, passionate, and has the sexiest curves. Saying that, I know that body-type is a preference and you have the right to your own opinion re: what you find attractive, etc. Despite the anger I feel towards you on a personal level, the real issue I am having is in how you are using her photo. This is a photo that you stole from HER personal blog, without asking permission. From the feedback I am hearing this morning from friends- writers, photographers, lawyers, this is illegal- and as a writer and blogger yourself, I would think you would know the legal repercussions of this.
    I would also like to point out that you completely misrepresented her- this photo was taken on a NYC subway train, she lives in NYC, and has never lived in Portland. I hope the readers of your articles are aware of that fact that when you scroll through the internet looking for images to address the issues in your ‘writing’, you are in fact lazy, and don’t even take the time to properly research or source the photos that you are using.
    The fact that you use photos of women to demean them, and address issues of homelessness, body shaming, and rape in such a way is disgusting. For your sake, I hope you never find yourself in a position of need or in a situation where you would understand the true meaning and power behind the word ‘rape’, but if you do, I hope your words come back to haunt you.
    I would like to politely ask that you remove her photo from your article and issue a public apology to her.
    If you have ever loved a woman, truly, and respected her, then you will understand my position. I hope you do the right thing.
    Sincerely, one pissed-off boyfriend that you do not want to mess with.

    1. Dude, I must say that you are a very brave man to admit that such a gelatinous mound of human flesh is your girlfriend. I pity you if she ever gets on top. I actually feel physically ill at the thought that anyone would touch that hog, let alone date it and admit it.

    2. so to summarize: you are shagging the wildebeest in the photo, you falsely believe it to be illegal to copy a publicly accessible photo online, you hope the author gets raped- but then “politely” request removal of the photo (unlikely), and you are not someone to be messed with.

    3. issue a public apology to her.
      No.
      BTW Roosh, you deleted the wrong photo. This guy is banging the flatulent, pole-dancing lardlump, not the rainbow-haired leather mommy. I fixed it.

      1. I received an email from a guy claiming rights to one of the photos, which I deleted. I can’t read all comments on this thread so further requests can be emailed to me.

  188. I take it you were never informed that women do not exist solely to provide something for you to bang… and honestly, from seeing the way you view other human beings and the world in general, I can vouch that you wouldn’t be able to get laid here in California either.

  189. Funny how guys like Bronan are apparently friends with you in real life, which means he’s probably as ugly, bitter and desperate to get laid as you are. Not exactly a great test group, if you ask me.

  190. Wow, Portland used to be a nice place to live! Used to be able to have conversations with strangers, make friends at bars, and enjoy the small-city big-town vibe. Stating that you are a transplant from NY and then saying that Portland sucks because it’s full of transplants doesn’t make sense. You’re criticizing people just like you. After pretentious transplants started coming in droves to Portland, I started having trouble making friends, having interesting conversations and getting laid too. So I moved. I suggest you do the same.
    Also, pretty hilarious that the comments thread has developed into another diatribe about tattoos. For f*ck’s sake. Don’t like them? Don’t get them. Find something else to get mad about.

  193. Judging from the comments here, Forney was entirely correct in what he wrote about the personalities of Portland women…and men. All I see are liberals, feminists, fat accepters, and white knights. It must truly be a horrible place, when something as simple as expressing a non-liberal opinion brings the brainwashed hipsters out in force like this.

  194. Oh, silly boy. no one wants to talk to or fuck you because you are a worthless, pretentious asshole. You can leave now. Yay options.

  196. “online entrepreneur”
    At least people here have the spine to admit it’s just an Etsy store broseph.

  197. the tidal wave of faggotry in these comments is undeniable proof of the veracity of this article. i look forward to matt’s future dispatches from porkland, and for the sake of my own amusement, i hope the butthurt remains strong in its denizens.

  198. Maybe the girls in Portland don’t want to talk to you because you’re a chauvinistic judgemental asshole. Portland is one of the most open and accepting cities I’ve ever been to, and if a smug elitist person like you can’t find one woman who would give you the time of day, the problem is with you and not the women.

    1. Can someone really be more judgemental than the people posting these comments? Look in the mirror.

  199. So, as a native Oregonian who has lived in Portland since middle school… What?
    Like… What?
    Now granted, I’m a grown up with a real job (CPA) and I’ve been with my husband for 5 years so I don’t hit the singles scene much. And I’m sure as a 30 y/o woman with my natural hair color and body parts you don’t give much thought to what some old crone thinks. But let me go point by point.
    1) You think people don’t like to hook up when it’s raining? lololol.
    2) I don’t understand what this has to do with meeting women. But, yes, there’s a lot of homeless people in Portland. More in Salem and Eugene (at least per capita) but okay. Fair point I guess? Who wants to bone when there’s people sleeping outside, amitrite?
    3) Hmmm… I am fairly certain this is not demographically true. I mean, granted, I spend a lot of time at a dance studio and a gym so my population is biased. But not anymore than yours I’m sure.
    4) haha… Mad Max extras… yes… very clever. I personally love tattoos (I only have two small ones, I’m too indecisive to get more) but there are lots among Portland men and women. I guess if that’s not your thing… bummer. But piercings? Really? I mean… yeah… in like 2002. I haven’t seen very many people with more than a nose stud in ages (from a woman who had a tongue ring in college… piercings easily go away when you get bored with them) I see a good amount of people with gauged ears but by no means a majority or even plurality! It’s like… a slightly larger portion of the populace than in other cities.
    5) This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard (okay, servers can be real dicks here, that’s true). But by and large I have *NEVER* met friendlier people than in Portland. I make new friends every where I go and have never struck up a conversation with someone that wasn’t reciprocated. I in turn have never turned up my nose or been overly aloof to a genuinely friendly person (that wasn’t trying to buy me a drink and talk me out of my pants despite, or maybe because of, my wedding ring) ever. I’m involved in the non-profit world here and end up at benefits practically weekly and even when I know 80% of the room I STILL manage to meet a new person and make a friend literally every time which brings me to my next point…
    6) Nothing interesting? Really? I mean, I guess I could see that if you spent all your time with barflies that have nothing but crippling alcohol addiction in their lives but again… between the place I take tango lessons, the place I work out, the non-profit/charitable events I attend and my work at a CPA firm I interact with hundreds of Portlanders a week and the VAST majority are intelligent, interesting, well spoken, well educated people. My friends include: Artists, Accountants, Lawyers, Nurses, Teachers, Tradesmen (and women), Personal Trainers, Small Business Owners, Financial Planners, Scientists, and more… all interesting people with interesting perspectives whose opinions/thoughts/etc I enjoy and respect.
    Peace out! One less person out on the hiking trails when I’m trying to get some peace & quiet 😉

  200. No wonder you aren’t getting laid. You sound like a complete ass hole. Nice to see you have the whole city figured out after one year. Ever thought about changing your chauvinistic, piss poor attitude towards women? Maybe that’ll help you get laid brah.

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