Back when I was playing the game hard, a buddy of mine told me that guys with girlfriends get the most sex. It took a few weeks for me to understood what he meant but eventually, I got it. Even if you’re a stud banging women left and right you’re still putting in a great deal of effort to meet and seduce new women just for a few moments of pleasure. You might even really dislike these women but choose to tolerate them just so you can orgasm.

Men in healthy relationships get sex pretty much whenever they want. The seduction is unnecessary most of the time. Even better, when you spend time with your girlfriend/spouse, you presumably enjoy their company. Who wouldn’t want that?

The problem is that many men can’t make their relationships work. The relationship becomes a source of stress more than pleasure or fulfillment. Here are four ways men cause their own relationships to fail. Don’t think these failures occur at the divorce stage. Rather, they primarily occur early on, when you are just dating your girlfriend to be something more serious. These failures can occur in marriage as well.

1. You Don’t Make Your Girlfriend Invest

I once knew a very wealthy guy who would tell me about his ex-wife. While they were still married they saw a marriage counselor. The counselor told him that she needs to invest in the relationship and household more. So, they agreed that she would pay certain bills and he would pay others. But the wife let her bills go overdue. To avoid the overdue fees, he just paid all the bills. Not long after the counseling, they got divorced.

He told me later that he should’ve just let her pay the overdue fees as well. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Easy come easy go is a phrase that applies here. If you are doing everything in the relationship, your girlfriend can very easily decide to leave when there is an argument or even a minor problem. She has to invest in the relationship to care enough to make it work. If you and she decide to live together (what they used to call a trial marriage), is she going to contribute around the house? Is she going to cook and clean? Or is she going to work and contribute to the bills? For her to care about the health of the relationship she has to contribute something to it.

2. You Don’t Enforce Your Boundaries Early

You expect your girlfriend to invest but she doesn’t do it. Too many men decide not to bring it up. Their laissez-faire, live-and-let-live attitude gets them through days of hedonism, but that attitude doesn’t work in a relationship. Eventually, the mercury will burst through the thermometer and you’ll get angry that she isn’t investing. It’s too late by then. You set a precedent by not enforcing your boundaries early on. Now it’s you who are changing the norm instead of her never conforming to the norm.

You don’t like when your girlfriend gets loads of male attention through social media? Tell her to delete her Instagram and Twitter accounts. She doesn’t have to, it’s a free country (presumably), but she also doesn’t have to be with you. If she does it, your relationship has potential. If she doesn’t tell her to kick rocks so you can find a girl who doesn’t need attention from other men.

Do you want kids and want your wife to stay at home to raise the kids? Set that expectation early. After the marriage isn’t the right time. You need to know early if she’s going to get with your program or if she wants to do her own. If she wants to do her own that’s fine. She can do it elsewhere. But for her to get with your program you have to communicate that early.

3. You Get Complacent

You’ve seen it with married guys. They get married and suddenly the beer belly starts growing. “Date night” with the wife gets replaced with “having a few a few beers after work” with the guys. These men take for granted that their wives will always be there. That their wives will always be loyal.

The same concept applies to men with girlfriends. If you want your girlfriend to stay with you because you get something out of the relationship and you want her to stay loyal you’ll have to put some work into the relationship. Everybody likes to be appreciated. You’ll have to show your girlfriend you appreciate her by romancing her every so often. Most men don’t really want to do that but it’s better than trying to meet some bar slut and bring her back to your place. At least with your girlfriend, you can someone happy that makes you happy at other times.

Everything is a balance of course. Men need time to hang out with their friends as well. But when men start taking their woman’s loyalty for granted is when they lose that loyalty.

4. You’re Not Attractive To Her

You want your girlfriend to invest in the relationship? She’ll have to be very attracted to you. You want her to accept your boundaries and get with your program? She’ll have to be very attracted to you. Not being complacent is equivalent to staying very attractive to her. Physically, when men let themselves go, the attraction is lost. Emotionally, when men stop romancing their girlfriends, the attraction is lost.

Without great attraction, women have only a weak emotional connection to the future of the relationship. It’s easy for them to pack their bags and leave. Even the hassle of divorce isn’t much incentive to stay in a relationship either.

Her attraction to you will spur her acceptance of your leadership. If you avoid these failures as leader of the relationship, you may just be able to enjoy the relationship as long as you want.

For more about the roles of men and women in the media, literature, history, and our modern culture check out Legends of Men.

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