It’s become popular of late to castigate ‘nice guys’ as evil, manipulative monsters. That dude wearing dorky glasses and a sweater, trying to be your friend? He’s practically a rapist, but without the balls to do it. Otherwise sensible men chime in to agree with the women lobbing these charges. Nice guys, in fact, are a lot less malevolent than these harridans and gullible players believe. ‘Nice guys’ are accused of pretending to want friendships when they really only want sex. In reality, these men are just not sexually assertive, and aren’t quick to make their intentions clear. The girl, after all, shows some interest in him as a person, so he figures, well, if only I give her some time to see what a great person I am, she will show some sexual interest in me. After all, what’s the rush?
The Problem
Nice guys think girls choose men like people buy houses – the prospective home buyer opens the newspaper and looks at the houses available houses on sale, and methodically chooses a house suited for her tastes and needs. While a few choose a house rashly, most are smart about it. It’s a decision made after much consideration and planning.
Players meanwhile are more like that sweet old lady with saggy arms wearing a hairnet at your local supermarket, handing out free, tasty samples. You’re not even looking at her, and she beckons you over to have a taste. Even though it’s junk food, you can’t resist. You avoid sweets, and here you are eating a tiny cinnabon. And really, she won’t mind if you take just the tip taste.
Regardless, minutes later, you’re going home with a 96-pack of cinnabons – and you don’t even eat pastries! To be completely honest, the first time it happens, you’re a little jarred and confused about how the whole thing went down so fast. As time goes on, you come to accept these periodic ‘mistakes.’ You start buying the cinnabons unprompted.
Now, imagine that that sweet old lady is actually a funny, strapping young man, and you buying those cinnabons is a woman agreeing to sex with him the night she met him. That confusion you felt after you bought a huge package of junk food? That’s how a girl might feel after her first one-night stand. If you remain unconvinced, just remember that our economy is in shambles because tens of millions of people bought homes they cannot afford, and that half of us are comically obese from eating too much junk food. That granny sample lady is looking pretty formidable right now.
Instant Gratification
The bigger a purchase is, and the more rarely we make it, the more cautious we’ll be about choosing it. We’ll spend more time looking over the options, and think about which one is really best for our long term health and happiness. For women in America, deciding who to have sex with has gone from being a big infrequent ‘purchase’ to a frequent small one. Before, it might have coincided with the man she would marry or at least seriously date. Having sex meant she was agreeing to be with him for the long haul, so she wouldn’t choose just anyone. If she slept with him outside of a relationship, and people found out, her whore score would rocket upwards.
Nowadays, it’s just about the man who can tickle her taste buds, right now. And women definitely do not want what the nice guy is selling. While a woman was often tempted to have sex outside the confine of a serious relationship, a patriarchal social order made the restraint of female sexuality its highest priority. Single men and women had fewer opportunities to interact as platonic friends, and women would spend less time single and get married sooner. A woman hanging out with a man when she already had a boyfriend or husband was more likely to attract scrutiny. The men who would be ‘nice guys’ had much less opportunity to get into the rut they do now, where they pathetically cling to women who hardly notice them. With the lifting of all those restraints, a woman’s choice of who to sleep with became as trivial as her choice of meat for dinner.
Fortune Favors The Bold
To a player, every flash of excitement and gale of laughter from the girl is like an army general commanding “ADVANCE, SOLDIER!” In an environment where pre-marital sex doesn’t happen, and fathers ensure their daughters don’t have sex, the player may have to settle for girls who are pariahs, or give up quick sex altogether. No wonder then that a player’s first concern is always ‘Is she DTF?’
Both players and ‘nice guys’ are using sexual strategies, and each have their time and place. But the ‘nice guy’ strategy just isn’t cut out for a society where women have sex outside committed relationships, for a nation where instant gratification has made us uproariously fat.
When looking at the world of sex and relationships, it’s valuable to look at things as an evolutionary biologist would; instead of initially castigating something as wrong or unmanly, assume that everything you see is potentially useful, even if you can’t understand why people are doing it. Ask yourself, ‘why does this exist?’ The behavior may have effectively served some purpose in the past, and now it’s just a relic of that former time.
The ‘nice guy’ is a simply a holdover from a patriarchal civilized past, where male romantic commitment was rewarded with sex, and female promiscuity was limited. The ‘nice guy’ was also more limited in how much time he could spend with a woman in the past – society was more sexually segregated, and eligible women would spend more time in relationships. While they were probably every bit as attracted to ‘bad boys’ and cads back then, choosing them was difficult or impossible.
Given how women are opting to have sex quickly and incautiously nowadays, being a ‘nice guy’ is about as useful as keeping your wisdom teeth when they’re causing you pain – it’s just retarded. If you want to avoid the pain and enjoy life, it’s time to throw out those proverbial wisdom teeth, and man up. If you find yourself doing something for a woman that you wouldn’t for a man, and you aren’t banging her, it’s time to let that one go and throw it back into the sea.
To the Machiavels out there, your time has come.
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Nice Guys don’t get the female POV.
The question nice guys don’t ask is what is it that women “need outside of men?” They need to shop (would there be malls if it wasn’t for women)! They need to look good (makeup brings in billions of dollars)! They need drama or excitement (shows they tend to enjoy)! They need to hate other women (celebrity magazines)! They need to feel like they stand out (why they like bright colors)! The one thing all of these things have in common is Vanity.
If you talk to an average feminist, they will tell you that these are all things that society makes them do; the more Marx-leaning ones will say this is the fault of capitalism, but if you’re a man, you ignore all of the excuses and you accept that it is not your role in life to provide a utopian world for women, rather it is your job to persuade them to give you things that will make you happy, and if they can do the same you will give them things to make them happy as well.
To sum it all up, here’s what nice guys need to understand: women are vain and they love vanity. They can complain about oppression all they want, but when left to their own devices and men are completely taken out of the picture and they are given the freedom to do as they please, they always become preoccupied with VANITY.
Women want men in their lives, who contribute to their vanity. That’s why 5 mins of Alpha is worth more than a life time of beta. Part of being a player is understanding how to manage a woman’s vanity. Knowing when to knock her down and when to build her up (as Patrice Oneal said; “You either hoe them up or you hoe them down”) is what game is really all about. Once you realize how much vanity plays into the very source of a woman’s life, you will discover that women are actually very simple.
would you care to elaborate on that?
I’m sorry if this is trivial to you, i am fairly new to the concept of game
2mques, I think you hit the nail on the head with this comment.
“Women want men in their lives, who contribute to their vanity. That’s why 5 mins of Alpha is worth more than a life time of beta.” Bravo sir
This is probably one of the most insightful comments I have seen on this site.
What a load of crap! SOME women are like this, clearly the women that you want to fuck. That you don’t want to fuck other types of women says more about you than it does about women.
I have thought through the evolutionary utility of the nice guy traits as well and arrived at the same conclusion, that these are traits that served individuals well at some point in evolutionary history or they would not be so very common. I would add the observation that through most of human history, material goods and food were not in as plentiful supply as they are today. It is not just the relaxed culture that affords obesity, it is the rarity of famine. In an environment where food and shelter were harder to acquire, gifts and favors would be highly valued. Today, a woman with a part time dead end job, two kids, a smart phone and an EBT card may readily accept whatever baubles are presented to her, but she will not be inclined to repay the favor in some way that would insure a steady and repeat supply of gifts in the future because she has no NEED of them. So the nice guy today gets laughed at for being a fool. But the German officer in Vichy France did not need what teenager men today think of as game to get laid. He simply presented some spare meat ration cards and panty hose and he got all the sexual attention he desired. Different environments present different challenges and reward different traits. That is why populations and even individuals contain the genetic coding for a diversity of traits. Irregardless of the skin tone an individual is born with, under tropical sun conditions the skin turns darker and more resistant to burning from the sun, under northern winter conditions it lightens to allow better production of vitamin D. In the modern leftist and feminist society men adopt the blackest game they can muster, even though their natural temperament might be lily-white.
Another thing to notice is how different cads are today from how they were in days gone by. Alphas in the time of Les Liaisons Dangereuses would try to trick women into thinking they were betas (while giving obvious signals to the contrary). Hooking up with the wrong guy used to destroy a woman, but she still wanted an Alpha, so Alphas tried to come across as the cad who is now reforming because of the precious snowflake before him.
Also, although nice guy strategy is usually a strategy, it’s not always. Some dudes really believe that putting women on a pedestal is the right thing to do, and they’ll continue to do it whether their behavior gets rewarded or not. These are the guys I feel sorry for. Some blue-pillers want the same thing as the cad but just goes about it wrong; other blue-pillers have had their entire moral compass trick them into being suckers.
It’s not ‘not a strategy’ just because it’s done in earnest or whatever, without *mental* regwrd to the payoffs. Actions, not words. A woman inducing sperm warfare for instance is probably not saying to herself ‘I want the fastest sperm possible’ as opposed to ‘I want to gangbanged.’
A beta doesn’t consciously say “yes, I am going to be very nice and maybe she will have sex with me.” He thinks it subconsciously, but his beta game is so well-learned that it is practically instinctive. He’s been told from the day of his birth by his mother, by television, by old men -that the way to a woman’s heart is to “be yourself.” And, after all, why should this not logically be true? He’s a *nice* guy. He holds the door for everyone. He goes out of his way for people. He buys girls flowers to show them how much he is thinking of them. He got straight A’s in school and has a good, stable job in a corporation. He’s a really nice guy. A swell fellow. A good catch. Why shouldn’t the girl perceive this and want to jump his bones like she does for the jerk she’s currently dating? “Given enough time,” the beta thinks, “she will see how wonderful and kind I am. She always complains about him -she even tells me how wonderful I am. One of these days, she will wake up and realize that I’m the ideal man for her, and want to be my girlfriend and have passionate sex with me.” He worships her, and expects that she will do the same. Logically, she should. But women are not logical, and nowadays they do not have male family members in their lives who force logic upon them. Consequently, their hypergamous instincts are allowed to run wild and free. They fuck bad boys, have contempt that they don’t even bother to veil amongst themselves for good boys, and only reluctantly settle down with a good beta when they’re all used up and getting old.
But if every nice guys turn into players, then who are going to man up and marry those sluts???
As long as the government continues supporting them and their lifestyle? No one.
Then why so many shaming articles???
Attention seeking
“Nice guys” are saps… It’s interesting, every woman I’ve known (if they have been around long enough) has always said, “You know, you really aren’t very nice.” I always thank them. Then they will go into how charming it is. Or how frightened they were when they first met me…
Anything that gets her heart pumping is good. Women live for excitement and crave it like a kid craves sweets. The more excitement she feels around you, the more she’ll come back for another hit of adrenaline.
Like horses, for women, men have gone from indispensable means of survival to obsolete beasts of entertainment.
For men, that’s both good and bad.
And women are rapidly approaching appendix status to men.
So true. In the West, men are really only entertainment for women. Gotta get used to it and adapt. If you can provide a woman with emotional entertainment, you’ll be successful. The rewards are there for those who do.
Thoughtful article, hilarious pictures. That pudgy McKid was the best!
I don’t think evolution has anything to do with ‘nice guy’ traits. I think it has more to do with how you were brought up and what values were most important in the family. Think of a friend who fits this category, now imagine he grew up in a dog eat dog environment ( a ghetto, Ukraine etc) all his life, is he still that beta you know so well?…Didn’t think so
I have suffered most of my life from being a nice guy, For me it isn’t just a sexual strategy, it’s a social strategy, I’m nice to everyone. I’m still of the opinion that being nice, being kind and caring is a way of improving society as a whole. Unfortunately the world has changed and the norm today is to be selfish, uncaring and destructive. I think it’s dragging our society down badly and we are headed for a horrible crash.
Sitt, I’ve learned my lesson about women and am trying to overhaul my interactions. I do know that my reaction to “women are being abused” is now “why should I care?”. It’s a start.
“I do know that my reaction to “women are being abused” is now “why should I care?”. It’s a start.”
You’re not a good person. Nobody suffers from being a genuinely nice person. They suffer from things that are beyond their control like illness, a messed up family, or bullying. Good people are nice because it is the right thing to do, not as a “strategy”. If you want to attract women to sleep with, you just have to be good looking (face, then body). If you want a good relationship, you have to have a good personality. If you want love, then you need to love yourself so you can love and respect others without ulterior motives (as in stop being so f*cking insecure and calculating as if human relationships are some game with a rulebook). You have one of three problems:
a) you have an ugly face
b) you have a shit personality and a childlike, self-pitying mentality
c) your standards are too high
The nice guy canon is tragic, they believe that females are precious flowers and want to be treated as such. On a surface level that makes sense especially if guys are copying what guys do in movies and tv shows. I’m sure many of them know deep down that they are weak in the eyes of a girl yet they choose not to grow and change, there’s sad overtones to that. I’m bookmarking this post.
What kills me is that people look down upon the nice guy complaining about his failure with woman, when they’ve told him that was the key to getting woman. Movies, TV shows, commercials, hell someone on the radio told the men listening that they needed to get their lady some flowers for Vday or end up sleeping on the couch. So you have people ridiculing a man complaining about not getting woman with their advice then ridiculing the man when he uses someone elses advice to get woman because its not the “right way”.
The only difference cell between nice guys and players is that nice guys call guys out for BS, but not women. They allow women to take advantage of them.
It’s like you almost realized the truth, then lost it and took it into your own fucked up direction.
You said it yourself. The nice guy and the player are both of the same breed: manipulators.
Both are going to get fucked up women.
Let’s be honest here, all of us come here because we’re dissatisfied with the pussies we became at some point in life. We had no role models. No real self-esteem. Women treated us like shit, or we couldn’t get women at all.
Becoming a player is the polar opposite of the nice guy. It might be necessary for a while, to get over all the lack of sex.
But becoming a player is just a ballsier flavour of fucked up.
Humans prospered by being in love. Babies don’t just naturally learn how to survive, they require a mother and a father to teach them how to do things, and how to be a man or a woman. Being in genuine love, as a result, makes you happy as fuck, and it makes the future generations better off.
Nice guys and players should be equally resented. If you want the future generation to be better off, if you want to be a happier person — BECOME MENTALLY HEALTHY, AND FIND A MENTALLY HEALTHY GIRL TO LOVE.
tl;dr:
Nice guy = Feminist shebeast
Player = Slut
Both are fucked up. Build a genuine self-esteem. Find a girl with a genuine self-esteem. Love each other. Raise children that make you feel proud.
“Do not deny the classical approach, simply as a reaction, or you will have created another pattern and trapped yourself there.” ― Bruce Lee
Brilliant. The player wrongly assumes that he doesn’t want love, the “nice guy” that he doesn’t want respect. Both result in sad men and broken homes.
As an aside to that –
Just because marriages are ending in divorce, doesn’t mean marriage is the problem. Just because people fall out of love doesn’t mean commitment is the problem.
A fucked up society is the problem. Fucked up people are the problem.
And your solution is to become part of the problem?
We should be learning what it is to be emotionally and mentally healthy, and how to become that, and how to find a girl who is the same.
I’m pretty sure that ‘healthy’ neither means being a pushover nice guy, nor a sadistic player. It neither means being an overdefensive bitch, nor a selfhating slut.
One of my favorite posts on the site. The song at the end was a great touch
Thank goodness that this author’s shallow, binary categorisation of players and supposed ‘nice guys’ doesn’t apply to everybody. There are loose women, and there are sleazy guys, some of whom–owing to their ‘nice guy’ subterfuge–traduce genuinely nice people. There is, of course, everybody else.
Return of the Mack…(there IT IS)