I received an interesting email the other day…
Your writing has changed my life because it’s changed the way I think about relationships. I used to think, what I need to do is fall in love with a woman and she’ll be my best friend and we’ll fuck and raise kids and laugh and hold hands on the beach, for the rest of our lives. Well, three divorces and numerous heartbreaks later, and with the help of your book and blog, I’ve realized the following:
1. “True love” is bullshit manufactured by Hollywood. All human relationships are transactional and center around the exchange of something: money, sex, food, shelter, power, status, whatever.
2. All relationships eventually fail because the exchange breaks down. She has kids and doesn’t want sex any more. They both get bored. She goes out with her old college boyfriend and fucks him. He realizes he’s being used or isn’t getting what he wants any more.
3. All women (maybe all men too) are liars, unreliable and unfaithful. They will sacrifice everything for a lie.
4. The Hollywood ending of lifelong (or even long term) relationships is the worst lie of all. It’s not that every marriage ends in divorce, but they all end. I know lots of long-time married couples (I’m a single dad) but very few where they still sleep together; probably more where one of them is having an affair; and almost none of them where the husband and wife are even friendly with each other.
Bottom line, it’s crazy to treat relationships like they’re even potentially permanent. It’s a wave you ride til it runs out and you can catch the next one.
Anyway, hat’s off to you Roosh. Keep up the great work, you’re a real inspiration.
One thing I wanted to add is that as long as a woman has unlimited male choice, and is not punished for leaving her current partner, the modern idea of a “relationship” can only mean something temporary and convenient. Why work so hard for one when it will barely last?
Read Next: Wisdom From Mark Minter
70 thoughts on “4 Things One Man Has Learned About Relationships”
My grandparents have been together for 50+ years and still love each other. My grandpa does game my grandma constantly with sarcastic little negs, though. I admit it’s an exception, of course, but maybe it’s one because almost no man keeps trying to game his women throughout their relationship, meaning she loses interest and then makes you lose interest.
They were also raised in a different time. That probably has something to do with it.
Lots of pre-feminism marriages succeeded like that. It’s because women were raised with reasonable and appropriate expectations, about what they would get from men, and what they were expected to GIVE.
Men didn’t change, but women did. It was the result of a conscious, deliberate, multi-generational campaign to destroy the family as a social institution.
I’d love to have a marriage like my grandfather had. But I’ve never met a woman with the kind of attitude that my grandmother had.
I am so sick of fucking guys that tell me that I have to run game in a relationship my whole life. Too much trouble; why bother? Fuck you.
Leykis 101. Dun.
Relationship game isn’t that difficult in my experience. Don’t supplicate, pass shit tests, tease/neg, give her a little emotional rush each day. Been working for me. Maybe a super-hottie would be harder because her hypergamy will always be on the prowl.
Leykis 101 isn’t meant to help you with LTR. It’s meant to help you get one-night stands. It’s a good show but not really relevant to this.
Leykis 101 is “Don’t get married.”
You do, because they’ll ‘get bored.’ You can thank feminism for causing that, don’t get mad at us for recognizing it.
You still don’t get it do you? The point is not to “run” anything. Through repetition, practice and dedication, “game” just becomes part of who you are and how you act. You don’t have to consciously think about it.
My sister and her husband have been married for 63 years. Both are genuine alphas, not PUA alphas. Nine children, grandchildren beyond number. They have character and honor. What do we have?
from what you wrote i gathered 2 things:
1) you are most probably in your 50s/60s at least
2) you don’t really agree with the general philosophy espoused on this site but still feel obliged enough to comment when you visit
now, to answer the question you raised at the end of your comment I am going to put these 2 inferences together to say that the one thing that roosh like people have which you don’t is this: a life
That’s a little harsh, but I do wonder how old this guy must be if his sister has been married 63 years… However I do not think that old people who follow traditional models “don’t have lives.” That just sounds like feminist crap to me.
At least two generation ago. Relationships were sane then.
Ours is a different world.
There was once a better West where marriages like that were very common. Fifty years of radical feminism nuked it all.
The email is wrong though: Successful long time marriages are possible- just marry a virgin and game game game. If she’s got “experience” from other men then you might as well take up shooting heroin with used needles as marry- it’s about as sensible a decision
When you’re in one with a cool chick it always seems that shes the one for u but its just a trick of the mind, bonding etc.
im almost certain that im more romantic than all the bitches i meet
Some people are love blind as some people are colorblind. It can free you of certain illusions, but in the end it is a deficit.
This post makes me sad.
“Well, three divorces and numerous heartbreaks later..”
Ouch, THREE DIVORCES!
Damn, that has to hurt. I guess taking the “red pill” late is better than never. It at least saves you from divorce #4.
Some people are love blind as some people are colorblind. It can free you of some illusions, but in the end it is a deficit.
This post makes me sad.
This is what I have felt for quite some time now. There is no such thing as ahem… “love” anymore, but the best you can do is mutual respect where when one walks away the other doesn’t get financially ass raped.
And one must not kid themselves about going to another part of the globe for a traditional way of life and “love”. It’s all falling apart as we speak. Women are replacing men with smart phones and social media and the related technologies.
It’s grim, but best you know so you can avoid the landmines.
Excellent post, Roosh.
QUOTE: “2. All relationships eventually fail because the exchange breaks down. She has kids and doesn’t want sex any more. They both get bored. She goes out with her old college boyfriend and fucks him. He realizes he’s being used or isn’t getting what he wants anymore.”
Or like most women she let’s herself go and becomes a 400 lb. gastropod and hideous to look at naked let alone fuck.
Too cynical and reductio ad absurdum. A boring way to live life.
It’s truly a depressing thought. I prefer the thought “real love exists, but it is extremely difficult to achieve”.
True love is real, but that doesn’t mean you end up together forever.
Marriage is like putting a knife to your throat. If you make a mistake, or even if she cheats, the court helps her slit your throat. (If you have kids you should check if a married father has more rights than an unmarried one)
If you have a good looking woman she is going to get hit on constantly. If 200 men flirt with her and she gives in and fucks one does that make her a whore? (it does make her my X though 😉 Even when you have that gorgeous gf don’t you see other women you wish you could fuck them? Do you bang one every now and then?
Love is a matter of will after the rush wears off. No one teaches that. To men or women.
After 3 divorces, I think the problem might be with the guy himself, not “all Women…: or “All relationships…”. Not sure how much red pill thinking will help him if he continues to generalize and blame things outside of himself.
It is, of course, the man’s fault, right? I know a woman who got divorced 7 times and who is 94 by now. She constantly dumped and improved her housekeeping skills ( zsa zsa Gabor type housekeeping: after divorce she keeps his house).
Ba dum dum tsssh
this post says more about roosh and mr thrice-divorced than anything meaningful about serious relationships.
actually, i love this site. want the secret to successful relationships and meaningful dating? basically, do the complete opposite of everything espoused here.
Sounds like you’re trolling. If you take a VERY conservative stance on the advice given here, there is still a ton of solid advice on it that is also backed up by tons of self-help literature. From body language, to social success concepts, to self-focus/drive.
yeah, you’re right. i am trolling. cause roosh is full of shit. and you know what, you get my trolling for free. what reason do you think that roosh has for trolling the internet? cause that’s basically what he is, an internet troll who also happens to try to sell books. get it?
conservative stance on the advice listed here? bullshit. self-focus/drive? you think you’re going to get that from roosh? you’re being played bro. he’s playing you for a fool, all the way to the bank.
There’s was something inside you that made you click on the title of this post. You have read it but the facts were to harsh for your fragile self and now denigrating it and the author will help you get through your day.
“do the complete opposite of everything espoused here”
So basically… be a beta white knight…
In our feminist era, what is “meaningful dating?” The answer: nothing, not a damn thing. If you really want the secret to a successful relationship, marry a very conservative woman.
i gotta say, after reading the replies to my comments, there can only be one conclusion:
you guys are a bunch of fucking pussies. “aw, poor us, women got us down.”
You’re using “pussy” as an insult! Hate criminal!
No, that doesn’t work either because a lot of conservative women are also feminists.
How about marrying a woman with a solid head on her shoulders? But that’s like sticking your hand into a barrel of crabs hoping not to get pinched.
You can only really find out for yourself what works. But you gotta change something else if one thing doesn’t work.
“Giovanni” is one of the lurking Jezebelly cunts that got so turned on by the Ugly Feminists posts that “he” had to keep clicking on articles here as “he” got more wet.
Check out “his” comments there and how “he” get schooled each time.
“gaming” has actually helped keep the spark going in my relationships. You tone it down, but dont go back to acting like a choad just cause you have a gf.
I have done everything espoused here plus one other. Made up my mind to stay married. Still at it 38 years after we started dating. Will is underrated.
The guy never learned from the mistakes of his 1st marriage and proceeded to ruin 2 more and has now adopted a cynical mindset.
Screams loser and that he is incapable of learning, hence his repetition in awful mate selection and maybe even failure to keep himself a high value man that is if he ever was one.
He should of learned what traits to look for in a wife and what traits of his own he should of eliminated or amplified.
I take it you know him personally or what is your wisdom based on?
One man’s anecdotal failures are not a compelling argument against the feasibility of LTR’s.
Tell him to read MMSL if he wants to do it correctly next time.
I have known, and still know, plenty of couples that don’t fall apart, and are still in love “until death.” The common thread in all of them, is that they are both very religious, enough so, and this is the important part, that they eschew all forms of contraception, and actively seek to do their best to “go forth and multiply.”
If a woman is pretty much constantly pregnant for as long as she can, and at the same time raising 5-10+ kids, there simply isn’t time for all the nonsense that passes for a “life” in Dystopia. And few religious men will leave a pregnant wife and a similar number of kids just to get his nuts off.
Once all the idiocy about “being scientific and not religious” is seen for the nonsense it is, and is instead replaced by “there’s nothing more scientific than learning from the millennia of human history encoded in the great religious texts”, things will sort themselves out again.
I am fully supportive of religion and have no quarrel with it, however it must be emphasized that you can be atheist and culturally conservative at the same time. Most of the atheists the atheists before about 1950, even embarrassments like Karl Marx, were culturally conservative. As a scientist myself I see science, the fields of human biology especially, as supporting traditional societies.
It’s problematic to take those couples as examples of permanently successful marriages, because we can’t predict if they will in fact stay married until one of them dies. What are the ages of your couples, how long have they been married? If it’s 50+ years, that’s something. But the more recent the marriage, the less predictable its outcome.
However it is true that certain factors enhance or degrade the long term chances of divorce. I think you’re correct that religiousness is a positive factor. Charles Murray and others have found that having a college degree is also a positive factor, and there are some others I think.
That might be right, but do you really think there is any chance of it happening? It doesn’t seem to be happening anywhere in the West, except perhaps in small pockets which don’t seem to be growing in influence, like for example the hardcore old-fashioned Catholic church which Mel Gibson has belonged to for many years.
Problem with women is that they gradually lose their sexual appeal to men whereas the opposite is really not the case (unless your a feminist and just dont want it to be so, but evidence all through history is pretty overwhelming).
Can a 70 year old healhty man bang a 18 years old ? Defo and it’s even natural. Would the other thing around happen ? never and if it did would be pretty unnatural.
So around 40-50 year old the man WILL start to look for younger women. He might still love his wife but sexually he is looking for younger women.
It’s just a fact. Get over it women, dont fight realitty.
Unless they have a thing called morality. But that apparently is a “hate word.”
Before feminism destroyed our culture, a man would rarely leave his wife and children over a piece of 18 y.o. ass.
Not true in the slightest. They just married the 18 yos, and it was only the rich who could get away with it. Hell, in Mideval Europe, 40 yo guys married 14 yo girls all the time.
Roosh, I presume the author of the email is Mark Minter or a similar old gentleman. Now listen young kids :I’m an old fart myself though somewhat younger (45) and I wish I’ d been been aware of red pill wisdom 25 years ago to avoid the mistales I made again and again with women culminating with an ugly divorce. So listen kids.This advice could save your life. Roosh, you’re doing a great job. Thanks.
Thank you for your words and trying to help out future generations
Women where women and not whoring bitches
They changed and it fucked everything
I hope they are happy now!
Not all marriages end like that, but your mostly right. Really, really rich guys in the west can still have fulfilling lifelong marriages, but that’s about it.
” I know lots of long-time married couples (I’m a single dad) but very few where they still sleep together; probably more where one of them is having an affair; and almost none of them where the husband and wife are even friendly with each other.”
I have to disagree. While it’s basic biology that, as people get old and die, they loose their sexual desire, it’s not evidence of failing relationships. I know many long-term relationships where the husband and wife are friendly with each other, but one can be forgiven for not noticing them. Unless you have older parents or grandparents who are culturally conservative, or work in a nursing home, you can easily go through life thinking our feminist society is normal.
aww come on guys there true love everywhere. Here’s a great example of it on youtube*. http://youtu.be/5_v7QrIW0zY
* just a quick disclosure, once you have seen this you can never “unwatch it” I claim no responsibility for those lost moments of your life and highly recommend you have a bucket nearby in case you get need to hurl.
i cringed so hard i nearly broke my spine…
but on the other hand, there are people out there like that and that are into this type of thing. they seem like happy people, so good for them
Notice how chunky and androgynously-dressed those women are?
(And the men in the video are as bad.)
Must be Portland.
All the successful older couples i know started out one particular way: the man said to the woman “look here, this is type of life i want to live, and this is how i expect you to be. If you’re on board, let’s go. If you’re not have a nice life”. The man then took responsibility for ensuring that both he and his woman were living that life. Often, it led to happy and fulfilling relationships. Sometimes it did not but they stayed together anyway.
Roosh and the site are not wrong on most things, it is just that in previous generations alpha was the natural state of men. The guy writing the email obviously needs to fix himself before declaring that all relationships fail.
My grandmother used to be the one warning me about what women were like (truthfully, not in the bullshit manhating way that most are used to). How many women will do that nowadays?
Before he took the red pill, Hope had triumphed over Experience for this guy way too many times.
Trouble is, the email writer appears to have moved from unhinged optimism (as a married man I can safely say that if it failed I sure as hell wouldn’t be repeating the experience, let alone a third time) to boundless pessimism (just because Hollywood’s been peddling a false version of married love does not disprove its existence)
this reminds me of my grandfather, he is so naturally alpha and i never really noticed it until i took the red pill so to speak. didnt have the best job, or the most money, or the best looks, but his character in the way he dealt with my grandmother, women, and all people in general is just astounding. full of jokes, gentle negs, and other “soft” reminders of who the top dog is-even as a really old man.
If you are annoyed at the idea of running game on your wife then your game is weak. It’s not about being on your toes, it’s about not being on your knees. Don’t be a bitch, that’s enough to save most relationships.
5.) couples constantly bickering and unhappy is in all movies for the last 30 years. no wonder divorce is sky high oh and illegal marriages(pay to become american citizen).
“..illegal marriages(pay to become american citizen).” — See point 1 of the email (relationships are transactional and center around the exchange of something).
“the modern idea of a “relationship” can only mean something temporary and convenient.”
Sounds like something you can buy at the store. Too bad you can’t, yet.
These points seem valid in the majority of cases, but regarding point #2.. Not that I’m expecting any help or feedback, but I’d just like to say that many women too have second thoughts about having kids cause they’re afraid it will ruin their relationship with their man.. For some women, having their man happy and being in a happy relationships comes first, before anything else..
The happiest couple I know right now have been married for 30 years, are both about to turn 60, never had kids, and if you’d heard them talk to each other you’d think they just met and fell in love!
So what’s the deal with kids? They seem to always ruin the relationship, I’ve seen it happen from both sides, but they’re supposed to be what we should be aiming for!
Plenty of marriages lasted until death before the baby boomer generation. I think the problem is that people are so hedonistic nowadays that they really don’t have any concept of what duty and commitment really means. This is especially true for attractive women, as the majority are used to getting whatever they want, whenever they want it. People used to understand that marriages usually end with someone having to nurse the other through senility and illness. Now we’re all so self absorbed that we expect nothing but pleasure out of relationships, when in reality, they require both parties to work hard and sacrifice. Personally, I find it extremely tragic that most people don’t have the mental and emotional stamina to have this kind of relationship anymore.
It took him 3 divorces to figure this out???