A Helpful Guide To The Upcoming Australian Federal Election For Non-Australians

Australia is a country of which I am very proud, though even the best countries have their quirks. One of ours is the almost insane proliferation of minor parties in the Australian political system. To our friends overseas this will make little sense. Doesn’t voting for a minor party simply split the vote? But we have a curious method to get around the duopoly that is the two-party system.

Australia has a preferential voting system, meaning that rather than ticking a box, we number the parties on the ballot from first to last. When the ballots are tallied, they go through several rounds in an instant run-off process. The last candidate is eliminated and their second choice preferences distributed to the rest. This process is then repeated until only two candidates remain, deciding the winner.

Preferential Voting

While a bit confusing, this system is a boon to everyone from the hippie socialist to the ardent neo-nazi. It keeps the major parties paying attention to the fringes, or else risk bleeding votes. This is why the Greens for instance, win around 10% of the vote in Australian elections, while in America they’re lucky to win 0.5%.

The flip-side of course, is that since any man and his dog (with $500 and 500 signatures) can start their own political party, choice abounds. Last election, the NSW senate ballot paper had 110 names listed and was more than a meter long. The current list of registered parties can be found here and the vote will take place on July 2.

So who to choose?

IN THE RED CORNER

Socialist Alliance

sassymemes

A couple of hundred dirty hippies still holding out for the overthrow of the bourgeoisie. The Socialist Alliance has long been irrelevant in Australian politics – and continues to remain so. Initially soaring in 2004 to a tenth of a percent of the vote, they now win about a fifth of that.

Also – don’t confuse them with the Socialist Alternative. They hate it when people confuse them for the Socialist Alternative. Nobody is quite sure why.

Australian Sex Party

Yes, you read that name right. I had several co-workers who voted for this party last election. It got them an upper house seat in Victoria.

Fiona Patten

Fiona Patten – Australia’s ‘Sex’ Senator

This party gets points for sheer ballsiness. They’re also for legalising drugs, against censorship and on board with a few other ‘civil libertarian’ policies that may get a nod, but overall they could hardly be more diametrically opposed to your typical manosphere crowd.

They’re steadfastly for abortion, gay marriage, euthanasia and a laundry list of other trendy leftist causes. They’re basically the political arm of Australia’s (rapidly growing) sex industry with a social justice flavor throw in. A whole section of their website is devoted to ‘LGBTIQ asylum seekers’. Need I say more?

Greens

Ah—the Greens. Australia’s third largest party with ten Senators in the upper house and one representative in the lower. The Greens are what happens when an entire generation of people grow up without ever having visited the real world.

Bondi Hipsters

DUUUUUDE

Likes: trains, bicycles, whales, windmills, marijuana, socialism, veganism and long acronyms.

Dislikes: cars, highways, mines, fossil fuels, hard work, guns and wealthy capitalist pig-dogs.

Do not vote for them if you enjoy such luxuries as electric lighting, hot showers and paid employment.

Palmer United Party

Found in 2013 by (semi-)billionaire Clive Palmer to try and stroke his tiny penis to erection reunite the nation. Won a surprising 5% of the vote in 2013. Elected three senators, all of whom immediately fucked off except for one bewildered-looking Asian guy, leaving the party more-or-less defunct.

Clive palmer

Mr Parma absorbing nutrients from the surrounding environment

Note this is essentially what happens when a Donald Trump-esque figure tries to run for parliament in Australia. They may get elected, but they’ll end up just one guy among 150 and will be sent to sit quietly in the corner accordingly.

Australian Motoring Enthusiast Party

Who comes up with these names?

This party won the lucky dip at the last election (literally). By a fortunate flow of excess preferences from dozens of micro-parties was plucked AMEP Senator Ricky Muir. Having just lost his job at a sawmill, he suddenly found himself working a $200,000 a year job as an Australian senator.

Rickymuir2

To date, nobody really knows what he stands for or what we’re getting for our taxpayer dollars. As such, we can consider him the current living embodiment of the phrase “she’ll be right mate!”

Labor Party

Red Army

One of Australia’s oldest and proudest parties with a long history of nearly winning elections, Labor is the political arm of Australia’s union movement and is seeking to take back the house from the coalition which it lost in 2013. The main plank of its economic policy is to spend way more money then we actually have until the country goes broke and somebody else has to pay for it.

The latest polling shows Labor neck-and-neck with the coalition, though they are unlikely to win the requisite number of seats. Hopefully the country still has not forgotten the Rudd-Gillard government (2007-2013) leaving Australia hundreds of billions in debt and luring more than a thousand asylum seekers to their deaths before the coalition sealed off the border again. A sure path to eventual fiscal and cultural ruin.

IN THE BLUE CORNER

Liberal/National Coalition

wolf-of-wall-street-02_0

A once great force of Australian politics, a welcome counterweight to the excesses of the Labor Party and brake on Australia’s slide into leftism. Comprises the business-oriented ‘Liberal’ Party (equivalent to the UK’s Tories or America’s Republicans) and the rural National Party.

Unfortunately, the Coalition in 2016 is struggling to distinguish itself from Labor, having knifed previous leader Tony Abbot last year and moved to the left on issues like welfare and gay marriage. Definitely worth putting them before Labor on the ballot, but would strongly recommend picking at least one of the minor conservative parties below, where men of principle can still be found, as a warning.

Liberal Democrats

7drHiqr

This party lucked out majorly in the 2013 elections, where they were placed first on the ballot in New South Wales. Roughly 10% of the electorate saw the word ‘liberal’ and thought they were voting for the Coalition (they won roughly 0.1% elsewhere) handing them a senate seat. Isn’t democracy great?

This is our equivalent of the libertarian party, so they’re worth a look. Anti big government, regulation, high taxes and welfare. Possibly the only party that could save Australia from economic oblivion, were it by some miracle able to form a government.

Family First

guardian-angel pic_full

Diametrically opposed to the Sex Party, we may find common ground here, though they come from a conservative Christian viewpoint (divergent from my own agnosticism). Anti-abortion, anti-drugs, anti-gay marriage and anything else post 1950s. Currently with one senator, they have rarely polled above 2% since forming in 2001.

Shooters, Fishers & Farmers

Another name you read right. Australia has a political party specifically for the gun nuts.

Originally called the ‘Shooters Party’, then the ‘Shooters & Fishers Party’ before adopting the current ‘Shooters, Fishers & Farmers’, this is basically a party where all of Australia’s Steve Irwin and Mick Dundee-types are slowly gathering. Before long, I fully expect their name to read the Shooters, Fishers, Farmers, Campers, Lumberjacks, Crocodile Hunters And Just General Manliness Party.

Mad Max4

‘That’s not a political party…’

Originally just anti-gun control, they are now anti-big government, anti-greens and in general anti-insanity, making them a definite option if you’re an American who happens to move to Australia. In fact, this is probably the closest we already have to a manosphere party.

Oh—and they also hold seats in three Australian states. Worth a look.

One Nation

One Nation

Once Australia’s primary anti-immigrant party, achieving 9% polling nationwide at the 1998 election (and 22% in Queensland – because of course). Was the victim of its own success when the conservative Howard government (1996-2007) adopted its policies with a hard line on immigrants that continues to this day.

As of 2016 Fuhrer Pauline Hanson has returned to the Fatherland and once again intends to lead the nation to glory. It is unclear if the party will win a significant share of votes, mostly due to competition from newer parties like –

Australian Liberty Alliance

One Nation

One Nation wannabes also derived from the new wave of anti-immigrant parties in Europe. They recently picked former rock star Gary ‘Angry’ Anderson as a candidate and have been putting anti-political correctness signs up everywhere, which makes them ok in my book. If they’re lucky, they might turn into a sort of Australian UKIP and drag the argument back against the multiculturalism that is slowly eroding our nation’s foundations.

Conclusions

So there you have it, how we do things down under. Note this is just a sample. I didn’t even mention groups like the ‘Animal Justice Party’, ‘Help End Marijuana Party’, ‘No Carbon Tax Climate Skeptics’, ‘Bullet Train For Australia’, ‘Pirate Party’ and others bands of assorted fuckwits.

Honestly, a part of me has toyed with the idea of starting a manosphere party of some sort – perhaps the ‘Neomasculine’ Party? Or the ‘Redpill Alliance?’ But lets face it, while it may get a decent amount of press, we’d be lucky to receive more than a few thousand votes. Give it time.

If anything, the biggest problem we have here is that all of the far-right parties are focused around specific issues. Most people left-of-center tend to congregate in the Greens, allowing them to make a real mark on Australian politics. If all of our little right-wing parties combined they’d win close to 10% of the vote, enough to make the big boys notice and present a real alternative to the soft-cocks in the coalition, just as the Greens have been slowly bleeding votes away from Labor.

Now there’s a plan for Australia’s future.

Read More: Australian Senator Gets Attacked By The Media For Merely Tweeting One Of Roosh’s Articles

74 thoughts on “A Helpful Guide To The Upcoming Australian Federal Election For Non-Australians”

  1. The instant runoff system is a far superior system, because it totally destroys the “I can’t vote for candidate X, he’s too unpopular, and it would just be throwing my vote away” which is why most people in the US end up voting for either a Democrat or a Republican, even though when you poll them, most people’s beliefs align as independent or some sort of libertarian hybrid. (I would likely vote something like John McAfee #1 Trump #2 Bernie #3.
    As a small government guy who likes trains, bicycles, and renewable energy, I thought it was cool that when I visited Australia their Green Party was included in national debates and actually had several seats in the legislature. The other two parties had to court Green Party votes to pass laws in many cases, so it’s less of a “our lobbyists are going to write this bill and it will be rammed through” and more of a give and take on individual points, which seems like a much better way to draft laws. The US system is really fucked up. Even a Trump victory would mean little, other than getting a no nonsense figurehead with the power of the bully pulpit.
    Unfortunately, so many in America think the founding fathers created the perfect system of government, and that even considering altering or tampering with it makes you a traitor. In reality, we are painfully stretching this 1700s document to deal with problems of a far different modern society.

    1. I like Parliamentary systems way more than the American model.
      First Past the Post – is the most cancerous democratic system ever.
      The Australian system gives voice to the fringes. I like that.

      1. The US’ fringes are given a voice…then they’re given bribes or extorted into acquiescing to the majority.
        Hence the term RINO…or the Democrats turning those who’ve gone rogue into pariahs.
        I suspect it’s the same in Australia. Seeing how they expelled Abbott, their most sensible politician in ages, I’d bet money on it.

      2. Not so fast…the parliamentary system can also be used to keep the largest plurality from having power. Example: FN in France was kept out by collusion by pro-globalist powers. Pluses and minuses to each system.

        1. Yes. The reason I give preference to parliamentary systems is that they give coverage to fringes. Sure, there are tricks like you mentioned. But compare it to the US were no one cares about anything but the 2 main parties.
          At least in Britain you have UKIP and BMP popping up and winning seats in local councils and the parliament, thus forcing themselves to the public eye for discussion.
          In US any dissent is ignored unless it comes from within the GOP, a la Tea Party.

        2. Niether of what you two are talking about are hallmarks of “parliamentary systems”. Parliamentary systems is simply a system whereby executive powers are vested in a prime minster or chancellor elected by parliament. How that parliament is elected is relative to the country.
          FN did good in the popular vote but didn’t get very many seats because it was LOCAL ELECTIONS, so getting 27% of the vote, while the biggest overall didn’t mean they got the biggest share of seats in each region. Another thing that caused FN to loose was 2 round system. This means after the first election round, all the small parties lost, and so you suddenly had all these other people voting, and they just so happened to not vote FN. The system wasn’t manipulated, it just happens to be fair.
          I would like to add in the end that France uses a semi-presidential system, not a parliamentary system…

        3. The Westminster system (used in the UK) is terrible though. UKIP got 18% of the popular vote, yet got TWO seat. The house of commons is essentially elected the same way the house of reps is elected btw.

      3. First past the post is an election system, parliament is a governmental system. The UK has a parliament, but they still use FPTP.

    2. In reality, we are painfully stretching this 1700s document to deal with problems of a far different modern society.

      That couldn’t be further from the truth. The libs have gotten their hooks in you as that’s the same kind of bogus argument that you’ll see the left use for gun control 🙁

      As a small government guy who likes trains, bicycles, and renewable energy…

      Sounds like a contradiction of terms as you’re advocating for 3 scams which have become a hallmark of tree-hugging big government advocates.
      …under Bernie you’d have to be one of the elite of the communist party to even have a bicycle 😉

      1. “…under Bernie you’d have to be one of the elite of the communist party to even have a bicycle”
        And even then you would have to wait years. The national past time will become “waiting in line” with an off chance to purchase food.

      2. LOL at calling bicycles a scam.
        If something is outdated, it’s outdated. Just because someone I may not agree with also observes this, does not make it untrue (logical fallacy).
        Here are a few examples re: US constitution. Originally the constitution did not allow for direct election of senators, 4th amendment addresses secure in homes and papers but leaves open the idea of digital information, right to bear arms written in context of militias which no longer practically exist, number of representatives was tied to population, which has resulted in huge increase in number of elected legislators, power of political parties not adequately controlled, federal police forces not constitutionally mandated, standing army prohibited for more than 2 years but courts just ignore it, and the out of balance power given to Senators from small states which didn’t exist in the 13 colonies.

      3. “That couldn’t be further from the truth. The libs have gotten their hooks in you as that’s the same kind of bogus argument that you’ll see the left use for gun control :(” Okay sir, so what is desirable about the constitution. Don’t talk about the bill of rights, I am specifically talking about the first three articles, what is so great?
        :Sounds like a contradiction of terms as you’re advocating for 3 scams” Bicycles are a scam? I can go almost as fast as a car can (legally) drive, and it costs me a one time cost of $120 dollars with basically no fuel or maintenance costs. How cheap was your car? How are Trains and renewable energy scams?

    3. The constitution was intended for a VERY different system. It works good in 1790’s country with very bad communication, local/regional variances, and state sovereignty, but no so much in a centralized modern nation with very good communication and (relative) cultural homogeneity.

  2. I’d be willing to give it a go in the USA. Would take some of the monopoly away from the Dems and GOP and it sounds like it would choose the candidate that the most people would be happy with; an average of opinions as opposed to opposite extremes, if you will.

    1. It takes a while to implement from the two-party system. Dems don’t want to do it because they fear it’ll take away their voting blocs and hinder the march of “progress”, and GOP don’t because they fear they’ll lose their only mechanism to slow the Dems.
      The voters need to believe that voting for a different party isn’t “throwing their votes away.” It’s hard to do.

    2. See my comment above. The urban democrats try to implement something that sounds similar every decade or so but couldn’t be more far away.

    3. I prefer the national proportional voting system. Say if a party (we will just call them the Democratic Populists) gets 8% of the popular vote nationwide. They will then get 8% of the seats. 435 seats in the house of representatives, that is 35 seats.

  3. Australian politics are wacky.
    There is a reason people said democracy doesn’t work.
    But to be honest, I would rather have the Australian version of democracy.
    At least there are a lot of random unpredictable events, like the Liberal Democrats winning. And then there are a shit-ton of crazy parties.
    It sounds way more fun and unpredictable.
    If you are going to ruin your country with democracy, at least do it with style.
    Nice job Australia.
    http://www.irkitated.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Australian-stereotype.jpg

  4. It’s basically one big vote buying show by the lefties. In fact so many have been conned by the handouts that nothing other than stagnation is expected. It’s always the same cycle, Labor gets in and spends up on the welfare state, the Coalition then come back and dig the nation out of debt. Unfortunately enough people now vote left that it’s become near on impossible to cut the spending implemented by the previous Labor government.
    This all leads to recent suggestions that the dollar will tank to $0.40 by 2018 because of the current debt, deficit and foreign debt problem.. That’s emerging market status for Australian and Australian’s. Unlike Greece, there is no EU to bail Australia out..

    1. It depends a bit on whether the US can continue to lie about their actual financial state.
      When the printing press approach of the past eight years becomes untenable, when real unemployment becomes blatantly obvious to everyone, and when the current bubbles pop (yes, we’re in for another market crash – they didn’t learn shit from the ’08 crash), the USD will drop to bring the AUD closer to 1 again.

      1. The AUD will remain relative to the USD. In the event of the US suffering another major crash, when you go down, then we are going down with you.
        Australians have a few bubbles of their own to contend with as well, the housing market being one of them.

  5. Let me take a wild guess that there is no political party in favor of getting rid of political parties and politicians and letting the taxpayers decide how to spend their money. None in favor of letting the working class decide the issues that affect them.
    All in favor of the enlightened political elites of the party decide what is best for everyone.

  6. Suggestion: Place Labor first in the “red” category (because it’s the major party), and really emphasize that “leftist” doesn’t adequately describe their policies these days.. try “communist, SJW, radical feminist and sniveling cuckitude”.
    Although the Socialist Alliance/Socialist Alternative made me think of this 😉

  7. Not bad…for a democracy. Your system seems more agreeable to alowing the fringes to have a voice. It’s a pity that so many Australians are left leaning though.

  8. pure bullshit comment about the trump like candidate. Lazy and stupid. Nothing similar at all other than they are both rich and Trump didnt start a party either. What stupid misplaced pride he took in it too.

  9. They’re all shit choices. The Liberals are a bunch of cuckservative sacks of shit and have been ever since John Howard was removed from office back in 2007; Australia has gone down the toilet ever since although Abbott was looking to bring some semblance of sanity back before his indecisiveness and weakness saw him be knifed like Caesar was by Cassius and Brutus (Turnbull and his cronies).

    1. And don’t forget how Labor relaxed the immigration laws so people flocked here by leaky boats and subsequently drowned. After 1,100 people drowned (essentially all the students from a medium sized High School) it slowly dawned on them their policies were shit. So then they went into a spending spree, handing money out to taxpayers, criminals, people who were actually dead (no, not kidding), and people all around the world for just being people – and to them this was a good thing. Then they brought in the carbon tax which did nothing but triple electricity prices. Now we’re something like 250 billion in debt to Labor thinking.

      1. It was an incredible act of galactic buffoonery, I remember it vividly. I remember being pissed off about getting the ‘Stimulus’ and having idiot Socialist relatives tell me to give it back if I objected. I’m a Conservative but not an idiot and was amused no end when said stimulus was stimulating foreign economies like the assholes of Bali; Rudd was a moron and an egomaniac who started the decline.

      2. How does an American sign up for aforementioned Aussie gravy train of free shit and money abroad?

        1. That’s easy, have the world’s largest superpower providing implicit protection such that you don’t have to spend more than a fraction of your budget on defence.

        2. I was thinking of going the Native American route ala Elizabeth Warren but your suggestion will do. Now if we could just stop them from pouring money into that bottomless pit…

        3. Tick the box and declare yourself has having Aboriginal or Torres Straight Islander ancestors.. It will grant you anything you want, including preferential treatment to fantastic jobs, extra welfare payments and any number of other opportunities being dished out.
          Australians have gone full SJW, if you identify as then I can’t see them arguing the point.

        4. One would think declaring yourself abo would be more convincing if you were as dumb as a box of rocks. If you have a PhD in a hard science it wouldn’t really work.

        5. Damn! I was sure my red hair and green eyes would not work against me, but now there are educational attainment restrictions to worry about.
          Let me say that, fortunately or unfortunately, most Americans emigrating to Australia would have no problem meeting the dumber than a box of rocks requirement.

        6. Nothing that I hate about America more than that statement. Imagine this country with infrastructure instead of Defense Spending for everyone.

        7. I wouldn’t be surprised if universities were handing out PhD’s to those who tick the right box.. I’d imagine it would be very lucrative to the university to actually ensure this happens.

  10. Woooowwwwww!!!!!! I love the Aussie political system! Look at all the great parties that could represent me! I think I will move to Australia. The other day I got a franking from my local state senator and in it – it was telling me about all the great things it has done for it’s dsitrict. It even said that it was in favor of gay marriage. I guess the parties are dead.

  11. I like this methodology. Seems like it’d always be interesting and Australia will always have a decent shot of getting it right or accomplishing nothing. Every ten years or so a radical liberal in America proposes something that sounds like this process but could not be further from it. If I give everyone 7 votes instead of the usual one, I know my low information dependent demographics will vote for me 7 times while the thoughtful person may disperse their votes. It’ll be back in play in about a year or two just watch.
    “Do not vote for them if you enjoy such luxuries as electric lighting, hot showers and paid employment.” Absolutely hilarious

      1. I understand that. I am referring to a scheme that comes up every decade or so by urban democrats in America.

  12. Is this all done by popular vote too?
    Currently in the US electoral college the hand is tipped toward the left solely because of high population centers like NYC dominating the vote counts of wider areas and thus nullifying their voters’ influence.
    Im a NY state resident and know of so many towns where the streets are lined with “Repeal S.A.F.E. Act” signs and often see “Hillary For Prison” bumper stickers, but she will likely still win the state.
    I envy your nation’s process. I wonder if, in coming years, we here will manage to strike a death blow to the gridlock of the fundamentally defunct two-party system.

    1. If only all states allocated electoral votes the way Maine and Nebraska do. That would stop the urban population centers from disenfranchising the rest of the state.

      1. Popular vote and electoral distribition are two different things. I did read the article so a simple answer of ‘basically yes’ would’ve sufficed.
        My question was, more simply put, whether there are any geographic divisions that pit voters against one another locally or if everyone’s vote is weighted in the system equally via this method.

        1. “My question was, more simply put, whether there are any geographic divisions that pit voters against one another locally or if everyone’s vote is weighted in the system equally via this method.” Australia DOES have districts. But as it says in that video, the districts work different.
          The STV system used by Australia is for legislative elections (like I said, with districts), the electoral college is for presidential elections, completely unrelated.

        2. … Popular vote. I didnt ask any questions about the electoral representative sytem we have in the states. I went on to say how awful it is that population centers nullify wide swathes of the American electorate.
          Then I asked if this STV system worked its rankings based on popular vote. Since it does, I’m done asking questions.

        3. “I didnt ask any questions about the electoral representative sytem we have in the states.” I didn’t comment that to answer your question, I was commenting to clarify what I thought was a misunderstanding at the time.

  13. Family First are the only party that truly resemble a conservative party.
    The Australian political system is really an embarrassment. It’s no wonder the place is an impotent mess when you have to rely on this joke for leadership.
    The article made me LOL, though.

  14. The “Liberal National Coalition” is not a counterpoint to the excesses of the ALP (Labour Party). It effectively conducts many of the same policies but with less fanfare and justified with free market ideals rather than socialist ideals.
    Either way you end up with mass immigration replacing 4% of the Australian population every 5 years with Asians. Either way you end up with open borders, the countries land, farms, housing, identifies sold to foreign buyers to the extent that in 1960 it took only 38 weeks of average make weekly earnings to buy a house in Sydney and it now costs 12 years putting family beyond the reach of most Australians.
    A read of “Brenton Sanderson’s” history of (((immigration))) in Australia on the occidental quarterly is essential.

  15. Australian politics is a joke. I had to tune out of the election campaign when Turnbull and Shorten started arguing over who was the biggest male feminist! Talk about embarrassing! I believe Australia’s culture and economy started rapidly declining the minute Howard was voted out

  16. Some kunt attempted to make a Sharia Law party a few years back. He (I assume it was a he) couldn’t even get the 500 signatures needed.
    It’s a good system though, I just can’t imagine giving one man all the power that the POTUS has. I like that we can change prime Ministers on every second Tuesday too. It proves that no one is untouchable. Even when the Coalition has a majority, guys like Bernardi and Jensen cross the floor on principle.

  17. “Likes: trains, bicycles, whales, windmills, socialism, and long acronyms.
    Dislikes: cars, highways, hard work” holy shit, I have a lot in common with the greens!

  18. Just a reminder, the Senate is where your vote for minor parties REALLY matters. Getting a bunch of minor conservative parties into the Senate will make a difference because whoever forms Government may be forced to negotiate with them depending on how the numbers stack up. Although in the last few elections it seems the minor parties hold a significant amount of power when it comes to passing policies. Lower house can go fuck itself, the way the seats are decided makes it almost impossible to get elected unless you’re from the Duopoly or Greens.

  19. Hell yeah, Angry Anderson! Rock star is a bit of a stretch, but maybe Rose Tattoo was bigger in Australia.

  20. The American system is like the old joke;
    Two guys running from a bear. One says to the other – “I don’t think we can outrun the bear”. The other replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, just you”.
    A politician just has to be slightly less repugnant than their opponent.

  21. The danger that the Australian “Westminster Style” Democratic System is that it is in danger of becoming overly influenced and bastardised by lobbying and special interest groups.
    Though in my humble opinion, the Westminster System is a far superior system to that of the United States.

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