The Difficulty Of Understanding Other People

If you’re reading this, you already have an advantage over most men going out at night. You’ve shown you want to focus on getting laid, instead of just following your wolf-pack of bros around to whatever strikes their fancy, at that moment. That’s a recipe for failure. Most men going out are too confused or ashamed to admit that they want to get laid, so they can’t bring themselves to ask, “what makes a bar great for getting laid.” They’ll say they’re going out “to have fun” or “to drink with friends.”

Personally, I don’t suffer from any such delusions. I’m comfortable with the fact that I’m only going out to bars to get laid. I’ve been to a great variety of bars and met with success and failure countless times. And it wasn’t random – the best bars for getting laid had certain traits. The more of these traits they had, the more efficient they were for getting laid. Here they are:

1. It’s Not Too Loud

In at least one part of the bar, noise levels should be moderate. Generally, you have to talk to a girl before you can fuck her. Girls feel more comfortable going home with a man they’ve talked to. The quieter your immediate surroundings, the easier it is to have a good conversation. You can check Yelp for the noise levels of venues.

I’ll admit, this one is personal – some guys thrive in loud environments, while other men can’t be heard in these joints, or even carry on conversations. I’m in the second group – I get exhausted by having to constantly restart conversations, and answer to “What? What?” so I avoid overly loud places.

2. There’s A Smoking Section

People who smoke are cooler and sluttier. Smoking sections are always quieter than the rest of the bar, because people like to talk when they smoke – and your conversations will benefit. Carry a pack of smokes so you can use the Greatest Opener of All Time. The mere act of smoking can improve your body language as long as the cigarette is lit – you’ll start blowing smoke in her face in a fit of supreme indifference, and that will only pique her interest further.

3. It Has An Outdoor Patio

4. The Drinks Are Cheap And/Or Strong

The pours are strong, and people drink to excess. Even the people who aren’t drunk will feel less inhibited. At one such bar recently, I had a hot young thing grabbing my ass as an icebreaker – and she turned out to be sober. Everyone else drinking hard was enough to loosen her up.

5. It’s A Little Upscale

Upscale bars tend to have a better female to male ratio, and the girls are looking to mingle. At the shittier bars, girls will roll in with boyfriends and platonic friends, making them more closed off to your approach. College bars are an exception to this pattern – college bars can be middle of the road or even divey and still be as fertile as their competition.

6. You See People Gettin’ Down

You see other men successfully meeting – and kissing – women they just met. These bars attract women who are comfortable getting down with strangers. Never underestimate the power of suggestion, and its ability to influence a girl’s willingness to hook up with you.

7. The Bar Layout Promotes Mingling

The layout promotes mingling among people, instead of balkanization into private tables and separate seating. Look for places where people are casually socializing with strangers.

8. It’s In A Hot Spot

Girls like to feel like they’re at the center of the action. They’re more drawn to bars that are in the hot parts of town and bars that are new, and getting lots of attention in the local cool crowd.

9. It Attracts Non-Natives

You want a bar that’s in a part of town where social networks are weaker. Certain parts of town have more natives than other parts. When someone is not a native, their social networks are weaker, and the hot girls of this group especially are more willing to meet strange men. Every town has neighborhoods where transplants are common, and others where natives dominate. Hang out in the transplant ‘hoods.

10. There Are Fewer Distractions

The venue shouldn’t be dominated by a live band. It’s better for it not to have a live band, or there at least be rooms where the band can be avoided. A live band will easily cockblock you – the girl will be enamored by their strutting on stage, while you are trying to win her attention. You’ll have to try so hard to get anywhere that you’ll probably come off as pathetic anyway, unless you really are there for the band.

Choosing a bar is like playing poker. Even when you play the right hand in poker, you could lose the round. But you win over time by playing the right hand, every round. Choosing bars is the same – you could go to the worst bar in the world tonight and meet the girls of your dreams there… but some bars will yield more results, more consistently. You will never know what would’ve happened if you went elsewhere, but by going to the best bar for you, you’re maximizing your return in the long run.

You may find you did well the first time you went to a bar, and then the magic never returns on subsequent visits. It’s time to move on. Find the bars that give you a consistent return, and patronize them until your results there falter. You’re more like an old man obsessed with his retirement account – you’re looking for steady consistent returns.

Read Next: The 5 Easiest Clubs In The World To Get Laid

52 thoughts on “The Difficulty Of Understanding Other People”

  1. An outstanding and well written piece of work, sir. As a rather amateurish student of language and philosophies I found it a great introduction into the more abstract concepts addressed by philosophers who went through the mental exercises required to examine the nature of thought/personality/consciousness and its unclear expression through language. If I’m not mistaken the very concepts you speak of were the foundational stones upon which the discipline of Linguistic Analysis was built?

    1. Thank you, Sir. As far as I understand them, many philosophers equate meaning with intent (i.e., they are essentially the same)–but the insuperable problem here is that intent, to be conveyed, must be accurately interpreted, and of course there’s no guarantee of that.

    2. Ghost, can you plz write some articles for RoK man? I love your comments, no homo, and I would really enjoy making love to you (a lttl bit homo)

  2. Great piece. It’s quite amusing to see the constant misunderstandings we have with each other. One of my favorites, which wasn’t mentioned specifically, is taking things out of context. You can make the most innocent comment sounds horrible with this great method, preferred by “journalists”.

    1. Thank you, Sir. Many journalists are like high school girls, their goal being to work up as much juicy drama as possible. Of course, the tasteless American public relishes this.

      1. When our life ceases to be inward and private, conversation degenerates into mere gossip. We rarely meet a man who can tell us any news which he has not read in a newspaper, or been told by his neighbor; and, for the most part, the only difference between us and our fellow is, that he has seen the newspaper, or been out to tea, and we have not. In proportion as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post-office.
        I think that about sums up the modern state of ‘media’ in all of its forms. Personally, I cut the stuff out years ago. Waste of time.

        1. I’m very fond of that Thoreau passage, more relevant today than in his own time.

    2. If we were all expert word smiths and gifted writers with a 10,000 word vocabulary than language would be more powerful of a tool, but our stupidity inhibits this. One realizes this when reading the writings of a superior mind such as a philosopher, they have an advanced ability to communicate with words and express opinions which we all experience as self evident when we read their writings, the only difference is that they were able to communicate it into words. Instinct is highly intelligent, even if one is not a great talent at expressing it with words.

  3. “if, in a world ruled by self-interest, everyone is an actor to some extent, then we must be mindful that just as we have some skill at lying, dissembling, and all the rest, so others do too, making it wise to view them with some amount of suspicion and distrust”
    The “personality” is a socially accepted role created by the individual as a tool for survival in the society, it is NOT your true self. We all learn how to be frauds for survival and fine-tune the personality in an experimental way. It happens subconsciously.

    1. We create a fake personality that can be revered by men, and women to increase our survival status in the tribal society, and the ego serves to help us with our denial-ism so we don’t feel petty and shameful about it all.
      Personality = Deception shield.
      Ego = denial shield
      A secret of humanity is that our true selves are not very civilized or tame, so we feel ashamed of it which causes neuroses, as per the book “civilization and it’s discontents” by Sigmund Freud.
      I recommend the book “the corruption of reality” by john f schumaker. Its about how our reality is one big hilarious hypnotic illusion and compares religious minds for contrasting purposes. A genial read.

    2. Person and personality come from the root word persona, which means mask. To be a real person is to be a genuine phony!

    3. yes… we’re all actors way more than we realize…. try using a different name, you’d be surprised how you can suddenly be this new person that everyone loves…. what’s better is that when people get mad at you, it doesn’t stick, because you are not …. “Mr. X”… It’s why all these rockstars and actors change their names… it’s like stepping into a role…..

      1. You have to be a fraud to compete in a highly competitive world among st other frauds, We don’t like to admit people wouldn’t like the real “Us”. We’re naturally lame unless we put effort into condensed acts, that is what we call “television” and movies which are edited and scripted frauds of the human condition and depict various other more interesting scenarios than your boring existence. Personality escapism, is a method of psychological mending by which a neurotic submerses themselves in their social identity fully, while denying their true “self” which is the deep meaningful “self’. That is why you can keep decorating your personality with new accessories, and you will never increase fulfillment. New clothes, new gadgets, nicer materials, a new 0 in the bank account, ETC this is paint on the prison walls. Sure the prison looks prettier, but you’re still trapped. The true self is expressed in philosophical contemplation, not a social persona. Since we exist, and existence is the meaning of life since in death we do not exist , existence is the most important endeavor, and the study of existence itself is the most worthwhile expenditure of one’s time. If you had all the money in the world you would find yourself left with just your own thoughts, one finds fulfillment in “existence” not submersion in approval by society by being a fraud. This is why society is mostly composed of deranged barely functioning neurotics and why so many miserable people exist , because people exist for other people and not themselves. Keep trying to be funnier, more clever, more fit.. it is in vain

        1. speaking of yourself i take it…. haha…
          and people wonder why i never say hello or show much interest in them….. i’m too busy wrestling with myself….
          ever read any Gurdjieff ?

    1. I keep an open mind and read lots of points of view, even if I do not like the author or topic matter in particular. Keeps the mind sharp, even if only to hone my “bullshit detector”. It’s how I managed to slog my way through Marx without becoming highly enamored with the concept of book burning.

      1. Yea one should listen to everyone, even feminists..problem is you cant because they just tell you you’re a rapist no matter what you say.

    2. I thought it was pretty good. Particularly the conclusion: “There is a great difference between a “judgment free zone”—that
      fearful, coddling and most unmanly thing—and endeavoring to have as
      nuanced an understanding of others as our limited minds can afford.”

  4. Completely unrelated but I had to share this.
    “A friend of “virgin killer” Elliot Rodger has revealed he was addicted to a muscle-building supplement, which could have triggered his anger before his shooting rampage.
    Chris Akin, a friend of Rodger, told the Mirror that the Isla Vista murderer started taking the supplement creatine after a mutual friend died in a bodybuilding accident while trying to lift a 550-pound weight.
    Akin, who used to Skype regularly with Rodger, 22, said he observed a change in his attitude after he began allegedly taking the drug daily.”
    Creatine … lolz. Anything manly and macho is under attack: picking up girls, lifting weights and guns.

    1. Dude, that was a troll from a miscer at
      Its the laughing stock of the internet right now

      1. MSM picked it up ffs. Bunch of retards. Get me my roidz I am about to go on a rampage.

        1. Im a regular at /fit/ on 4chan and we`ve been laughing our asses off since. A reporter from the Mirror in UK randomly messaged this friend of Elliot’s on facebook, the guy was a pro troll at and he posted the screenshots of the facebook conversation online and everything. Anyone who is a fitness board guy is having a field day right now. So many people in the MSM are reporting this like its real.
          This is the greatest joke of all time.
          The original publisher of the article (the mirror) has now taken it down. Its too late though. So many other sites are quoting it for fact.

  5. great piece, and a good companion to the article on michiavellianism.
    mind-reading is particularly difficult and sometimes impossible for anyone on the ASD, which sasha baron cohen considers as a version of the extreme male brain. Its true that even when honest communication is attempted on both sides it fails as social cues and the interpretations of those cues require quite sophisticated understanding and considerable social competence.
    For autistics, like Elliott Rodger – although there is no sense in which he is typical in that sense – the inability to interpret those cues and feel in control of those encounters may be frightening, and worse may engender fear and paranoia. The interpretation will still occur but it will lush with the worry for instance that people may be making fun of you, laughing or ridiculing you.
    But the reality is far harder than that because most of the interactions, in dyads or in groups, are about anything but honest communication. With women, and selling cars etc, they involve marketing and masking true thoughts, true value.
    In terms of men and women pan out and the context of such interactions is open warfare and bitter politics, where women, acting as feminists, seek deliberately to misunderstand what is being said or done.
    Deliberately misunderstanding someone, accusing them of something heinous and wicked when they think they are engaged in something innocent or constructive is the choice of weapon in an age in which power is predicated on taking offence, and occupying the victim role.
    The above is a sophisticated form of low-level but very effective warfare. For anyone less sophisticated and more straight forward than these puppet-masters of emotion and experts in twisting language, interpretation may become an act of despair and the response overt hostility or aggression, which of course means a win for true aggressors.
    Since Austin wrote about doing things with words, its easier to see that everything that is said is not meant literally. But if people are always doing something when they are saying something it is important to be careful about what we think they are doing. Assuming the worst, might be correct, but it may also say more about us than them

    1. Not quite.
      Didn’t press hard enough on the gas pedal.
      Didn’t stick the neck out one way or the other.

  6. Read Adam Smith’s “Theory of Moral Sentiments.” First chapter alone will uncloud a lot of your questions.

  7. ”The reason is that from puberty until middle age women live under the overwhelming gaze of men”
    ”The reason is that from puberty until middle age women [comma] live under the overwhelming gaze of men”

    1. ”The reason is that from puberty until middle age women [comma] live under the overwhelming gaze of men”
      ”The reason is that from puberty until middle age [comma] women live under the overwhelming gaze of men”

      1. Or you can go with, ”The reason is that, from puberty until middle age, women live under the overwhelming gaze of men”
        The idea here is that if you remove what’s in between the commas the sentence remains correct. So you’d be left with, “The reason is that women live under the overwhelming gaze of men”.
        However, the only other actually correct way to write this is to do as the author originally did, omitting all commas. If I’m not mistaken.

        1. True, I thought that as well. I have my own preffered methods, but language is more of an art than a science. Comma usage has been the most drastic change to American English writing in the past 50 years, I’m sure.

    2. “The reason is that from puberty until around the ages of 26-30, women live under the overwhelming gaze of men.”

  8. “It must also be understood that just as women are natural born actresses, so they have an extraordinary knack for detecting male motives, however deftly these may be concealed. You may be quite a smooth player, with charm and agreeable BS coming out of your ears.”
    I am shifting to direct game. Less beating around the bush, more rare and macho.

    1. That’s exactly what I thought when I read that line.
      These days, nuance and subtlety are invisible, overwhelmed by flashing lights and awkward men making ham-fisted advances on stupid women. As far as I can tell, just grabbing the girl caveman-style, or straightforwardly saying, “Let’s fuck,” or beckoning a girl and commanding her to sit on your lap, these are most useful. If it fails on a certain girl, fine, you saved yourself potential hours of wasted time. If it works you know immediately, and you can convert that into whatever it is you’re looking for with that woman. We’re talking sex here, usually.
      Times are changing, that’s for sure. The techniques that got me laid ten years ago wouldn’t even be recognized as game today. Luckily, things have shifted toward favoring asshole game, and that’s what I got for ’em naturally. Surprising how the ruder I get, the more attention I get. At least I don’t have to (attempt) to censor how I really feel. To be honest I find it refreshing to call a bitch a bitch, and watch her eyes share a look of anger and desire.

      1. Precisely, self censoring is anti male. Political correctness is rooted in Marxism.

        1. Yes!
          As long as a you’re a real man who doesn’t give a shit about the outcmoe of the interaction with a female, you can just say what your think without any games, pretense, or need to conceal your real thoughts and intent

    2. I’ve always done it that way. The game method you prefer attracts the women you prefer.

  9. Good point.
    The only way you can truly understand someone else, is if you’ve experienced the same things they have. There’s a reason why vets usually hang out with other vets(in VFW halls, named fraternities, biker clubs, etc), why nerds hang out with other nerds(too numerous to name), entrepeneurs hang out with each other(there’s whole businesses dedicated to networking them) , and so on.

  10. People in America hate the truth. I’ve alienated myself by telling the truth. I’m open for it and would rather be told the trtuh than lie to keep from hurting my feels but many other don’t

    1. I used to do that, but I’ve since stopped. I do it strategically now. No sense in pissing people off unless you have no reason to be around them afterward.
      However, it IS great when you want someone to leave you alone. Not only does it fuck up their minds but they’re pissed you made them think about something so uncomfortable. Usually it’s men who get pissed off because we have a strong tendency to think logically. Women could care less, they’d simply be pissed you made them “feel” bad.

    2. Same here kai…but I LOVE the truth…even when it hurts, I love reality. Want to know why? Because the truth/reality ALWAYS wins in the end. Also, telling the truth keeps one from having to remember who they told what.

  11. >Vast ignorant comedy.
    Loved that line.
    This article was as much a joy to read as it was choc full of useful advice.
    Great stuff

  12. Yeah, I have sometimes thought I may have some autism or asperger’s. My parents were shut ins so I never really got much socialization as a child so I don’t pick up on social cues. Its really difficult for me. Especially in friendship in dating. I can do well at work because there are expectations on behavior and its a rigid environment.
    In college after this one semester I found out this girl that had sit in front of me had a huge crush on me from another classmate. Apparently she had talked to them just saying that she wished I would ask her out. I had no idea. I just thought she was friendly. Next I saw her she was married with some guy’s kid.
    I read some PUA material eventually and that actually helped because it provided like a framework and some tips. I worked on my eye contact and controlling my nervous tics, but I still feel deficient in many ways socially.

    1. Addendum: I wanted to add that this Elliot Rodgers guy I got a lot of the same vibe from him. Everything he did was a performance. He didn’t really understand social cues. He just mimicked them.

  13. “I am responsible for the words I say, not how you interpret them”.
    Great article. I am really enjoying C.Contrary lately!

  14. In our time, many people are quick to say “don’t judge me”
    How about this tact….
    I’ll judge you, because my life is worthy of objective judgment and I’m more than willing to be judged by you or anyone else, bitch!
    Rather than running from the keen eye of other’s judgement, why not strive to build a life and character that WITHSTANDS THE JUDGEMENT OF OTHERS.
    In a day and age when the average male and female has little to show for their life than a bunch of formal education, it’s really not that difficult to build a life and character that withstand even the most hostile scrutiny, i.e. judgement.
    So, “Judge me!” I proclaim. And I’ll judge you. I’m confident my life will hold up under the scrutiny. How about yours, biatch?

  15. Feminists trolling this site lately should read this article.
    They find it difficult to understand red pill and the truth.

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