Life

How To Be More Honest In 6 Hard Steps

69 Comments

Honesty is one of the hardest topics to cover. Although there are thousands of books and articles out there teaching you how to be dishonest, very few actually cover how to be honest in a practical way.

People who tend to be more dishonest than others typically don’t have concrete personal values and boundaries. Dishonesty comes from seeking to take things from others rather than to give or to genuinely connect with people.

Once you have learned to recognize the dishonesty in yourself and know when to use it constructively, you will start to see the beliefs and intentions within yourself that caused it in the first place.

Don’t blame yourself or who raised you. Those beliefs were passed down through the generations subconsciously. However, now that you are consciously aware of it, you can work to undo those beliefs and build new, honest ones.

1. Establish your values concretely

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Prioritize and reevaluate them as often as necessary. This will allow you to build strong personal boundaries (such as an honor code) that you won’t let others, and most importantly yourself, violate. These values give you a sense of self-worth and achievement at the end of the day. Honoring them will give you something larger to desire rather than petty things that people are typically dishonest for.

2. Live more consciously and responsibly

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We tend to become less and less honest as we become exhausted, distracted, or inundated with information. When we learn to live consciously, we are less likely to be swayed by the twists and turns of life. Regularly check your inner and outer congruence. Pay more attention to the present. Meditate. You will find it easier to stay true to your creed.

3. Establish a sense of purpose in as many things you do as possible

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A sense of purpose will give a counter-balancing rationale on why you should act honestly. It’s this sense of purpose that you should be true to, rather than random impulsive desires that fill your days. Your personal integrity is tied to how much you are serving your sense of purpose. Conversely, you will recognize how much are you doing a disservice to this purpose when you don’t act honestly. 

4. Positively reinforce your personal integrity by self-validating the honest acts you perform

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And do this regardless of the results or recognition you derived from it. Negatively disassociate yourself from any dishonest act by vowing to do better next time. Be careful not to shame yourself, which brings on the “What the Hell” effect (once a dishonest act is committed the honest self-image is lowered, other dishonest acts tend to follow). Just simply promise to do better should the situation arises again.

5. Take feedback from others

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You take feedback so that you can tweak and fine tune how you communicate your intentions to others. Most of us fail at conveying exactly what we want because we depend too much on words and we don’t know how to calibrate our style according to others.

Use people’s radar for insincerity as a mirror to judge your actions. Since we are all more adept at sensing dishonesty in others than in ourselves, we must use others’ reactions to better effect.

When you take feedback however, you must take care not to stray from your original intention, whatever it may be. Feedback represents an opportunity to improve, not as a reflection of your self-worth. Most people will be projecting and rationalizing just as you are. Take deep feedback from the people you trust, since their intentions align with your attempt to be more honest.

6. Seek and cherish each “moment of truth” that all of us eventually encounter in life

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We all must testify in front of others at some point. Testify, a word coming from the Greek origin of holding your own testicles as tokens of truth which can be taken away if you are proven to be lying, has strong implications to your honesty.

We all experience rejection and pain at some point in life. However, these moments shouldn’t be just avoided, but rather sought out. In these moments, we can only experience truth. In these moments, we will learn the most about ourselves down to the core.

Read More: The Wisdom Of Mao Tse Tung

69 thoughts on “How To Be More Honest In 6 Hard Steps”

  1. The inherent problem with being completely honest is that people will often exploit this virtue for their own insidious ends or otherwise use them as the noose to hang you with.
    Be honest with your gf that she’s fat? Forget about regular sex until she feels “comfortable” enough to get naked in front of you again.
    Tell the truth about your views on homosexuality, abortion etc? Be prepared to be doxxed online or harassed in real life, especially if you are honest about what you do, live etc.
    Tell the complete truth on that job application about how you are just one month short of the qualifiers they need? Thanks…you made the hiring manager’s job of turning you down so much easier.
    Don’t misinterpret me…honesty should be the best policy HOWEVER in our dishonest, immoral, uncivilized and unethical environment, it’s not always the safest policy for your personal life or just your life, period.
    As a former Christian beta i used to follow this as best i could, until i got burned one too many times from telling the truth. Now i am older, wiser and better for it.
    My solution? I like to find the nearest gray area and nestle there like the closest mamba. I try not to lie but don’t offer the truth unless it’s an innocuous situation or contribution, or it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t contribute any information that can potentially compromise me at some later date.
    This has worked for me more often than not.

    1. Don’t have a fat gf in the first place. If she isn’t when you meet, make it very clear that obesity is a dealbreaker.
      Be a turtle, not a frog. When the scorpion tries to prick through your shell, dive beneath the water and let it drown.

      1. Or keep her from getting fat, since most gf’s are likely to get comfortable in doing so if you don’t check them on it.
        Btw, i’d rather be the Mamba 🙂

        1. Conversely, I had trouble keeping my ex from LOSING too much weight. She was Turing into a stick figure.

        2. It was your fault. You:
          #1. Didn’t buy her the special food she needed.
          #2. You caused her anxiety and stress.
          #3. You made demands on her and had expectations.
          #4. She was a nut to begin with and you didn’t realize it.
          Anywho it was your fault.

        4. Could never get a logical answer (gasp!).
          My theory is that she was obsessed because when she was fat in her early teens. Even though she had lost the weight she still saw that fat girl i the mirror. Only logical explanation I could come up with. i swear, you would think she was crazy when she talked about her wait. she was nothing but skin and bones at one point.

    2. especially at the workplace wherever everyone is a vulture you cannot be honest or they use it against you.

      1. This is why Ive always been on the fence about unions- the free agent, every-man-for-himself mentality only benefits ownership…If I wanted to be a mercenary, I woulda been a mercenary…

      2. It’s funny you said you used to be a Christian beta but it seems like you took a couple pages from the bible and just repackaged it.

    3. I lie in wait like a koala- docile, cute, chewing on eucalyptus leaves…watching the maniacs do as maniacs do…

        3. Koalas are nocturnal which is why they seem so docile when they are brought out to greet tourists in the middle of the day.

        4. yup, theres always something hanging out of my mouth during a meeting

    5. If the principle is not reciprocated, you’re not have a principled transaction

      1. What was it Calvin (the cartoon kid) said? “Nobody saw me; you can’t prove a thing!”

    8. Keeping Quiet and Reserving Opinions is a good policy, the Fool will to no end ramble on while the Wise Man keeps quite and allows the Fool to Live up to his Name. If a Man is asked his Opinion, he should always tell the Truth, a Man Never Compromises his Beliefs or Skirts the Truth for Approval.

      1. Indeed. Wisdom is knowing when to share one’s views and when to refrain from offering them capriciously.

  2. I think most people are scared of the truth for a very simple reason: it’s the factor that can turn their life around (in a positive or negative way). Lying is a mean to avoid any possible impact and to keep going on with the poisonous routine. Most people are too afraid of getting out of the comfort zone and therefore avoid the truth at all cost. It’s funny though how the value of truth and being honest are an important part of a kid’s education and yet nowadays the more honest you are as an adult, the more people will hate you. If we expressed 100% of our thoughts about life in general (work, pussy, religion, money) to society, we would have no more friends and would live in a cave. The quote from the picture you posted is totally right, being an honest man is dangerous.

  3. Although I disagree with much on this website, the fact that there is a personal focus on self-betterment from a male perspective is why I return to this site in spite of the many problems with certain articles.

    1. You dont NEED to agree with every article or every comment- that is why I enjoy hanging around here. No one is forcing you to pick a side.

      1. I learn more from the posters and the comments than I do from the articles themselves.

  4. I used to think Godfather III was sub par compared to the first two, then I learned to the first two were loosely based on fact, and so was the third. That Pope was assassinated…maybe George Hamilton ruined it ? No replacement for Tommy Hagen.

    1. Councigliere was the most loyal and level headed in the family. Michael even fucked that up eventually .

      1. You could tell Michael was getting to the lower levels of hell when he began to turn on Tommy.

        1. Michael’s ego got in the way . Everyone has a weak link but if you have a loyal friend or employee who can make up for your weakness , you cherish him not berate or fire him .

    2. “Finance is a gun, politics is knowing when to pull the trigger.” ~ I love that quote from Godfather III.

      1. Ever watch Brad Meltzer’s Decoded TV show? One ep went into details about the Vatican bank scandal in the 70s…fascinating stuff

  5. “People who tend to be more dishonest than others typically don’t have concrete personal values and boundaries”
    ….if you can tell someone is “dishonest” its only because they are “bad” liars
    In a society of sharks, look, think and blend in with the sharks, or get eaten. Also, to thrive among sharks you have to yourself be a shark
    When i mean “blend in with the sharks” i also mean to have a fake vibe where you enjoy their company.
    You are in a psychological and biological fight in this world. Deception, and disease await you every time you make a little mistake.

  7. I think we should make a clarification: This article is how to be honest with yourself. I see a lot of comments about “You can’t be honest with your girlfriend if you call her fat” and i think thats not what this article is about.

    1. Being honest to yourself is very important, especially for this corner of the Internet concerned with self improvement. Unless you are honest with yourself, how can you know your “starting point” or gauge improvement or what does and what doesn’t work for you?
      Be honest with yourself. Everyone else can get fucked. I gauge a situation by: “what will benefit me more in this situation, if I lie or if I tell the truth?”

  8. Ive often been astounded at how many people are adept at casually lying. Its not just a question of morality. Lying is hard unless you are an established liar, and while the latter seem to do pretty well for themselves at least until Satan comes to collect what’s due, bad liars fare quite badly indeed, despised perhaps more for there I incompetence than their morality. The world may be Machiavellian then but theres something to be said for at least trying not to stoop to its level. Probably the best proponent I’ve seen of eschewing dishonesty is Stephen covey in the seven habits of successful leadership. I don’t think I could pull it off myself – to be honest – but there’s something to be said for trying to ground yourself in integrity with a view to promoting trust in relationships…… Or perhaps that’s just what I want you to think while I’m readying you for the kill

    1. As a practical matter, lying is difficult because it is hard to keep all your lies straight.

      1. true but the best liars live the lie, its not just a question of falsifying facts but of entering into a self-serving fantasy as the occasion demands.

        1. They believe their own lies. When I was a lawyer, these were the type of people you had to take to trial and lay bare to a judge just how mendacious they were.

        2. Then I guess a true liar is more of a fantasist than a cynic. Corrupt either way

      2. If the lies conflict, don’t explain. Attack the accuser instead. Either scare him or make others think he’s the victimizer. If the accuser is your boss or something, use a scapegoat.

    2. There exist doublethinkers too. As far as I can tell in increasing numbers.
      Doublethinkers are different from hypocrites. A hypocrite says one thing and does another, knowing that they are in conflict and not caring. A doublethinker sees no conflict, and so can lie convincingly and without effort. It’s like some sort of mental disease.

        1. Sadly, yes. However the 1984 concept is more practical. Instead of merely considering it an illness, we can see it as a harmful thing to society. These people must be identified and dealt with… in whatever manner seems most useful, once the revolution is underway.

        3. Identification is incredibly easy once you learn to recognize them. Dealing with them in a physical way is of course not practical at this time, but there are other ways.
          They crave attention. They can not fucking stand to be ignored. Simply not caring about their opinions or walking away is like punching a rational dude in the face to them.

      2. I agree. I believe politically correct ideology to the extent that it is internalised forces certain ideas to lower levels of expression or even makes them unconscious. That’s why leftists can talk of love etc while often being such utter psychopaths at the level of instinct

  9. It is VERY dangerous. Especially during this day in age where the PC police is out on full force. Apparently it’s a “crime” to tell the truth; god forbid you end up hurting someone’s feelings because of said truth.

    1. PC Police and SJWs unleashed nowadays in this fucked up world. They’re all about censorship like the Nazis.

      2. At least the Nazis were well organized and had a mission . Feminists like most women and sjws don’t know what they want but love to accelerate the process on the path to la la land

    2. According to the Supreme Court of Canada, truth is no defense to a hate speech charge.

    3. How dangerous was it to stand up to the Redcoats in 1775? Did those guys face disgrace, or death?
      Do we equate disgrace with death? Are we completely lost?
      I’m afraid so.

  10. Being “honest” about some fat broad, ugly dude, etc. is not the issue – no need to lie, but why rub it in?
    Also, being “open” and spilling personal issues to anyone, will almost always end up being used against you for someone else’s gain unless you are a loser, then it’ll be used to make fun of you.
    The issue is bullshitting others for fun and profit, which seems like the way of the world nowadays (or maybe since forever).
    Just imagine becoming proficient at being extremely honest/accurate in very precision (yet speculative and theoretical) fields which are peopled with “credentialled” experts [read, “competitors”].
    The competitors (even and usually on the same team) can’t apply the theory – so they figure they might as well naysay and look like someone who ought to have been listened to.
    When that day comes and the job is done, look forward to everyone involved getting angry and even taking measures to attempt to make you pay – for being honest, and proving it.

        1. The truth usually shines in the end but the liars have made everyone else’s life miserable in the process.

        2. Naw, you had it right the first time. The mob don’t want the truth, just ask Socrates. The mob wants bread and circuses and dictators who can bullshit eloquently.

  11. Lies and honesty are only tools to be used as a means to an end. You lie when its in your best interests and you tell the truth when its in your best interests. It always bugged the shit out of me going through school how I was always told by my cunt teachers “honesty is the best policy”. I always laughed when the goodie two shoes kids got shit on for being honest while the rest of us got away with whatever we wanted. It taught me a great lesson in life. You can either be selectively honest and enjoy a greater quality of life because of it or you can be a virtuous little boy scout and let your own “morality” handicap you.

    1. Hard but also true: Sometimes the best choice is to lie, because telling the truth can get you into trouble.

      1. If the truth needs to come out I’ve found that its better to just leave it lying around in the open than to openly talk about. People respond to actions and gestures more than they do words.

  12. Most people don’t know how to deal with honesty and directness. They either think you are a boor or that you are exploiting an angle. They can be resentful or perplexed. Lies will get you further in the short run, that is for sure. The real trick is to rely an vagueness and misdirection and manipulation without actually lying. Nobody would play poker with all their cards on the table while the other guy (or girl) keeps their close to the chest as they decide on their next move.
    .
    Being opaque is not being dishonest.

  13. I agree and I think this article is on point.
    Regarding honesty with females, check out this thread,
    http://www.tigerdroppings.com/rant/p/56525492/just-pissed-off-a-female-health-nut/
    where the OP says he told a female co-worker that he prefers women with ‘meat on their bones’ after she bragged about her 6 pack and workout routine. She told him to fuck off.
    Notice what the majority of other men in the thread do…. They condemn him for speaking honestly to her about his preference, make appeals to HR, say he should be fired.
    Most of the posters on that board are men.
    This is what we’re up against, a majority of manginas who kneel at the altar of feminine supremacy.
    That’s why I speak the truth and fuck the consequences. I don’t need to be around feminists, SJWs, manginas, or anybody else that cannot handle it.
    Fuck political correctness. The time has come for good men to stand up and call it like they see it.

    1. That is the Truth, the reality is women are not the enemy in the battle of feminism, White knights, Enablers,Manginas, these are the real enemy,the only problem women in feminism cause is they can be annoying and they get the Male Feminist supporters to back their ideas, if all Men were on the same page and against Feminism then there would be nothing woman could do.

  14. Wasn’t it Eric Cartman who had a couple of good reasons to be honest?
    1. You don’t want to give your enemies any blackmail fodder.
    2. When you admit to a mistake you can put your spin on it (as opposed to letting your enemies putting their spin on it).

  15. We have to be honest to ourselves, but being always honest to others is not a good idea. If politicians were honest to the people, nobody would go to vote.

  16. It would be dishonest to tell people I’m a “nice guy”, although it might get me more chicks.
    However, I find the more you disagree with a non feminist woman the more she is creaming her panties. I’ll let y’all know the results of the trial.

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