Previously, I have outlined the contours of an optimal personality profile and emphasized what I consider to be the three crucial factors that determine the bulk of your dating success (looks, confidence, and determination). I have also come across Return of Kings senior game writer Troy Francis’ book How To Be An Assh*le That Beautiful Women Love and will partly relate my argument on its main idea.
The underlying concept in Francis’ book is that the so-called dark tetrad—Machiavellianism, narcissism, psychopathy and sadism—combined with positively standing out from the rest of the male crowd, is the explosive powder which is required to bed the most attractive females.
I think it is a very reasonable idea and doesn’t exclude the importance of the three factors that I mentioned. In fact it goes hand in hand in many ways, since a person’s personality profile largely underlies his looks, confidence, and determination. A little bit of sadism brings that extra dimension in the bedroom, and may be reason why hotter women stick around.
However, when it comes to long-term relationships, some of the dark elements have to be toned down at the expense of other more “beta” traits.
The importance of agreeableness, gregariousness, conscientiousness, and openness to experience
Many of us can agree that a significant degree of dark traits are required when it comes to modern dating. They will also be needed when one seeks after a more traditional woman. The Machiavellian man knows how to display the sides that are in his favor, and a confident male who looks good and has ambition is a near-universal appeal for the opposite sex.
But within the frames of long-term relationship—perhaps even a mini-relationship—with a fairly healthy woman, other sides are needed as well. Sure, you should continue to possess frame, ambition, good looks, and cunning, but a relationship is more than mental games and wild sex. It is about interpersonal intimacy, having fun, and showing loyalty. For this you need the four personality traits of agreeableness, conscientiousness, gregariousness and openness to experience, of which the two first-mentioned are almost the complete opposites of the dark tetrad.
In order to connect with another human being, you need to be warm and kind, and even gregarious (a facet of extroversion). To some extent your partner is your friend, and you could do things that you and your best male friend could do together, such as meeting your respective family, friends, having dinners, and traveling. That is rather obvious and should come as no surprise to anyone who has been in a LTR and observed many others throughout life.
Also consider the conscientious aspects, such as being reliable, having your finances in order, and showcasing sound moral behavior. These are all positive features. It is not more complicated than the fact that you need some of these things to have a normal life between those more delicate moments of passionate sex, joyful leisure activities, and unforgettable trips to various places around the world.
The latter is also also linked to openness and experience. You don’t have to manifest your intellectual prowess to your girlfriend, if that was not a reason why you ended up together in the first place, but be open for some fresh ideas every now and then. You are still you, with a unique essence, but some new elements can be positive for both you and your partner. They can be both sexual and non-sexual.
Often it is as easy as you suggesting a place where you want to go, or something that you want to do, and then you do that together. To convey such a message to your partner and convince her about your suggestion being the most optimal is not difficult for a man of some value. Be a leader, while simultaneously being somewhat open for compromises and your partner’s wishes. Females love urbane men who know their way around, and the men love themselves for it.
Conclusion
The dark tetrad, to a proper degree, is a powerful tool that a man may use in order to attract women in general and attractive such in particular. However, within a long-term relationship, brighter dimensions are needed to counter the dark traits and create a fruitful balance within the kaleidoscope which makes up most modern relationships. This is because human nature as such is quite complex and variegated.
Read More: How “Soft Game” Can Help Men Who Are In Committed Relationships
Another way to adjust is to move from cold approaching to warm approaching through social circles or shared activities (yoga, church, etc.). Attraction will be more pre-built since she has recognized your value beforehand so you can be more-or-less “normal” and still get intimate with her.
Church, yes. Yoga, no: your sexual desire throws off the whole group and instructors will sense it. I say stick to church…
Church, huh?
Catholic or something else?
Not sure your age, but if you are older, are you meeting younger girls (15-30 years younger) in Church? And are they willing to have sex, or are they strict Christians waiting for marriage.
Thanks in advance for any info.
Church is only place where you can meet a female, know her family, & not feel so dumb when you show her respect. Of course, I’m not talking about gaming them or marking up notches. Where else? What places would you recommend?
Thanks for the reply.
“What places would you recommend?”
If you’ve seen some of my posts on this site you’d realize I am probably the LAST guy to ask. I can recommend plenty of places to get laid with hot girls (girls that charge — and not on this site of course), but none to meet quality females.
I would like to try though, to meet a quality female, at least just once in my life. Been thinking about getting a part time Saturday job in retail to try to do this, as my regular job (IT consultant) is mostly male with the few females being hideous.
I have lived in both Red&Blue, both urban&rural, and both coasts, and I’d say there only place where you can meet a woman fit for a long term relationship is church or another forum where family is present. Other than that the ladies look for status and material gain. I’m still single and the women that got the most from me were from dating sites and women I approached in public. Keeping a close friendship with family “usually” keeps them safe. Usually…
I don’t know. Every time I met a woman through “an activity” I would discover, to my horror, that the only reason why she was engaged in that activity in the first place was to rope in a man. Soon as she wins the prize she drops it (then start putting on weight if said activity was anything physical) and turns into something else entirely.
(and then after that point the truth about her past becomes known – to further horror)
I don’t see the problem with that. Better she try to meet a man in church than in the club.
I was just about to say it’s better for women to get out and put an effort into a hobby than attention whore on dating websites.
I have seen the problem with that!!
Most of the time the women in church have already done drinking and drugging and are using the church a a means to stay on the straight and narrow.
But once a drugged whore, always a drugged whore. if we are talking about young women who have not gotten out into the pozzed degenerate… uh… excuse me… diverse cosmopolitan world then you are right. But a little older than 20 is a no-go.
Especially if not a virgin.
What I have seen most of the time for fellows who hooked up with chuch(ian) women “too late” is that the women is a complete toilet but trying to be a reformed toilet but with the churchian approach of “can’t have that around”. This means if she can’t drink (because she loses control and sucks cocks by the bag if she does) then congrats: you can’t either. If she can’t handle really hot sex (because she’ll go and fuck an entire athletic team – having done before – if she allows that beast out of the cage again) then congrats, you ain’t getting any either. She’ll wear dresses down to the ankles and grow fat legs under them but you’ll still find those nice bikini pictures of her in the attic so to speak and wonder.
But it don’t stop there. I almost ended up in a standoff with a SWAT team over what I’m about to explain.
Since they were raging drinking and drugging whores before, it’s only a matter of time before this “reformed church girl” goes back to hell. But it’ll be a decade plus 1-5 years before she does. Meaning there will be a family to drag kicking and screaming back to hell with her.
And that part with the SWAT team was me trying to help a friend who was wrongfully accused of abuse by his back-to-drinking-and-whoring estranged wife. The cops investigated and said “no abuse here” but the family courts (cue the female judge with the hate in her eyes) said “take the kids anyway”.
We can read and write about this shit all day but I can describe to you what it feels like when this exact shit means you will end up in a cage for life if not a screaming death in a pool of your own blood and shit. Because men have no rights.
Thankfully an angel called me on the phone and I was able to hook my hapless friend up with a kind of underground railroad – yes it exists.
All because of a “church girl”.
Like I said, unless she is still young and a virgin then yeah, you’re right. But if she’s been out and has only “accepted the Lord” after screaming “oh God!” to one too many hotel ceilings, then it’s a no go. She will scuttle the family boat in only a matter of time. What I described is the worst case I know. Most others was just the hapless fellow becoming an economic mule with the added feature – being a church man – of having is ex ruin his reputation with the church because Christcucks also sign onto the “it’s always the mans fault” mindset.
When I say “further horror” I’m not kidding. Edit: and now having recounted these memories, 15 years to this month, I’m worked up.
Main pic: beware that thousand telescope stare
I like the two kaleidoscope pictures since they resemble vaginas. Black pussy and colorful pussy.
They do don’t they. But you have to keep twisting their legs around until it all gets into focus
More seriously, there is a strong resemblance between such an image and some representations of the ‘rose’ symbol (a spiritual representation of the vag) you find in estoeric (including christian) religion. You see this in stained glass church windows sometimes
The more sex, the less love there will be in the relationship because too much sex feeds her demon spirit, but too little threatens it.
Sex happens to be the original symptom of man’s failing. It represents death coming alive, a new body replacing the dying one through the sin of pride. For man, death comes through sin, and that sin is pride. The pride of man, as it has originated through its woman-mother, needs mothering to survive. By reason of his sin a man is addicted to a woman’s love but fears what it does to him.
The slightest hint of female acceptance produces the failing that is felt as lust. Relieving this lust is where a woman’s false sense of worth, of loving duty, of security is fiendishly gratified. A woman worships to the end that she might be worshiped. In the egotistical sense, pleasing a man is her selfish way of pleasing herself. With no life of her own, she feels what she stimulates a man to feel.
Every woman’s real happiness depends upon a man understanding her need for real love rather than sexual love. As long as a woman is guileful, she will suffer the agonies of (sexually) drawing spinelessly weak or violently weak men to her.
Each man, guilty from his encounters with other beasts, comes home to his woman, obligating her to remind him that he is a man and help him forget his failing and what he has become. Renewing his confidence sexually, she sets him up to fail again and again. Debilitated, afraid to work and compete, he begins to spend time with the ego reinforcements of sex, booze, and drugs.
Very interesting. Frued mixed with Christianity? It makes sense.
Try to be balanced and don’t get involved with any girl that is low in agreeableness and conscientiousness and high in neuroticism. That’ll automatically eliminate 95+% of western women.
Ive never gone past the 8 month mark before getting super bored and sinking the boat. I love my space too much.
And they love the my space angle too much?
Personally I moved on to Facebook or Wechat.
There’s nothing wrong with that approach, but you can’t really complain about the low quality western women if you aren’t interested in anything long term either. Western women aren’t all that bad for short term interest.
I’ve been in the same boat as you, so to speak, for a long time now. I get bored banging the same chick for very long and find them all totally annoying after a while. Relationships are lame, at least anything beyond a few months, e.g. the “honeymoon period”. Having space and not living with a neurotic, irritating time vampire is priceless.
Fair enough.
But whatever way you look at it, you represent a dead end. If you continue in the same vane, that is.
Producing healthy and capable offspring is a way of telling the world that you consider yourself of great worth, and that your DNA belong in the future gene pool. It is self assurance at its best.
Sounds like a great Scandinavian viking.
If you have chosen someone to be your woman, never shy away from shaming her to stay in line. ‘Next’ now becomes the emergency exit.
I have to once again emphasize the fact that planning and doing trips together is an import and efficient step to have a good mutual relationship. Here are som reasons:
1. Both enjoy going to a new place, especially if it is a special one.
2. You have a common interest.
3. The process is mutual but you can also be a semi-provider (you often pay 60-70% of the total costs), creating a perfect balance between alpha leader and beta provider.
4. This will create good memories that you can relate to.
5. You have something to look forward to and this creates a good balance between daily routines and future excitement.
In my experience the big trip has just been an opportunity for my woman to complain and shit test. Honestly, I’d rather travel alone and drink in the experience without the bitching about jet lag, the weather, etc.
Unfortunately. But once you pass it’s fine.
I totally disagree. Relationships are built within the first 1-3 months of their existence. Good relationships are not built on pleasant extracurricular activities, fancy trips, nice dinners and generally on experiences that are objectively positive for anybody. Good relationships are built and tested within the boundaries of everyday life and especially within the 4 walls of a home (the one of the woman I mean). Sure, holidays are a necessary evil (and I underline E-V-I-L) within a LTR of more than 1 year but they shouldn’t take place before the couple binds together. Or else the message you send to the woman is “I will be your entertainer”, a message no man in good sense wants to emit.Of course, I refer to trips organized and mostly paid by the man (even 70% as you mention); if the trip is mostly covered and organized by her it’s totally ok.
Besides, a trip may indeed constitute an indicator but a weak one. Yeah, ok, it may highlight a totally unsuitable partner. The result was that But the big dangers in a man’s life do not originate from these easily spotted unsuitable partners but from the seemingly suitable ones. So, keep in mind, especially if your girl has some life experience and is searching for a provider that any experienced woman can offer you some good “memories” and some positive signs if you pay or mostly pay for her trip.
This is why some beta’s have lasting marriages: they have good non-sexual relationship skills. My father is that kind of man: he never had sex besides my mom, he’s always been fat, he’s supplicating and indecisive, but he can be patient, and talk things through to a certain extent. They’re still married, and arguments have always been rare. They’ve never been on the verge of divorce. Their relationship isn’t nearly as happy or romantic as it could be, but it’s better than being without any communication. I have a lot more confidence that I can have a successful family when I see my parents working things out despite their having major flaws.
You sure you’re genetically related to him?
Yes, my parents, myself, and my sister did 23&Me for medical purposes, and our genetics lined up as well as you could expect. Now, my other siblings didn’t do that, so it’s technically possible they’re illegitimate, but I doubt it.
You don’t cover the ‘N’ in your OCEAN diagram, neuroticism.
I have covered that in my article about an optimal personality profile, saying that low neuroticism is preferred over high neuroticism, which is pretty much self-evident. High neuroticism might destroy a LTR just as high to extreme dark tetrad might.
As for other sub-traits/facets they are are already linked to the dark tetrad or masculine concepts such as frame. As for assertiveness specifically, it is linked to extraversion/extroversion and is at least moderately intercorrelated with narcissism.
This study is quite relevant: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/313452923_Narcissism_and_Social_Networking_Behavior_A_Meta-Analysis
Neurotic:
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/62ad00cc05182e86eb1a7b7dbbc1861e056993d6ebc4e0722d7c9f09fbd98ec0.jpg
LTRs are usually a trap. Just enjoy the ride while it lasts.
Many people chase love as something permanent – a lasting happiness; something to fight loneliness. Sometimes we go so far as to think of love as the purpose behind everything. The point of all of this – to feel good.
But, of course… those are just lies we tell ourselves. Love has no purpose, it’s just something nice. It comes and goes; it changes like everything else. Love is a season. It is the day, but following close behind it is the night.
Don’t obsess over love. Don’t obsess over anything. Life is not permanent or stable, and neither is love. To be addicted to one part of life, like love, is to miss out on all the rest; and eventually that addiction of yours will leave you, and you will feel alone and empty without it.
Instead, enjoy everything as it comes to you. Accept when it leaves. Accept the flow and the changes of life, and you will be able to find happiness throughout it all. Love must be forgotten, but life can always start up new.
Good post, sir. A bit flowery for my taste, but good points, all.
Would be easy if the women were higher quality. I don’t expect to be like “Oh I have a LTR now I can let myself go” and be sitting there all day, beer gut hanging out from under a stained T-shirt, but every woman does.
And there seems to be some strange rule that the more a woman is into LTR, the fatter and uglier she gets. But get one that looks half good and she’ll be sucking dicks behind your back or getting bored and divorce-raping you.
Fuck it. The decision to have an LTR versus being some “hedonistic PUA” has never been ours. Heck, that was the goal in the first place in this destroy-the-west scheme.
I’ll just continue to survive, somehow. At least if the sky turns red I don’t have “kids to think about” nor some wifey begging me to live a normal life. Rather than try to hide from Leningrad only to get mopped up later we stay behind and burn it this time, even if we burn with it.
how to adjust
swallow ur pride
settle for a bitch with a FUPA and 30 plus (if not 50) dicks deep
good luck boys