The First Milestone In Becoming A Man

In part due to the talk of the delayed adolescence of men that’s littered media articles from The New York Times to Jezebel, it has become clear that in the 21st century, the chief milestone that signifies the transition from boy to man is no longer serving in the military, turning 21, or getting married, as it was for much of recorded history. In 2013, the the defining right of passage into adulthood is permanently moving out of your parents home.

Roosh wrote the Bible on logistics with his landmark post The Secret To Fast Sex, stating in no uncertain terms that

It doesn’t matter how often you approach, how tight your game is, or how succulent your kisses are, but if your logistics are fucked, you’re not getting laid.

Few men in game live centrally in the midst of their cities bars, clubs and day game opportunities, and even fewer due among younger men who almost exclusively live with their parents if they don’t live on campus at a college. A few older men have told me that they felt that their sex life has reached a peak now that they have hit their 30’s, and that those years are the best years to be a man. I cannot help but wonder if this is largely due to the fact that unmarried men in their 30’s almost certainly live alone and are more likely to live where the action is rather than the cookie cutter family dominated sprawl of suburbia.

My Story

A month or so after you read this post, a perfectly located bachelor pad will become vacant for myself and my wingmen the same age as me to move in with a slightly older wingman of ours. While we had been planning to move out for a long time, it was only a few weeks ago we discovered we could move in with our friend, and only a few days ago we discovered exactly when the rooms would become vacant. It is not a necessity that we move out, and our financial situation will be a bit strained, but every day we live in the suburbs with our parents is another day that our potential for personal growth is wasted.

I’ve lost a depressing number of bangs due to being unable to co-ordinate drinks dates with girls in time before they lost interested or (in the case of tourists) continued on their travelling, with the final straw being losing a girl who asked to come with me from a club because I had nowhere to take her. Earlier this year I lost motivation to approach because of these losses, thinking that I would make up for it by approaching hardcore after moving out and that approaching while still living with my parents was a waste of time. I went from approaching regularly to becoming a “weekend warrior” of sorts. Don’t fall into that trap, your penis will weep for you and your game will start improving at a snail’s pace and if you stop altogether it will probably atrophy if you leave it for long enough.

Ease of Approaching

The example of what happened to me highlights one of the most crucial advantages that logistics gives you: ease of approaching. While having better logistics obviously makes it much easier to bang girls whether you met them that night or you just took them on a date, it also makes you approach much more.

When you have great logistics you are always motivated to approach because every time you step outside your front door you’ll pass by cute girls on the street. Whenever your bored and have nothing to do on a Wednesday night you can take a stroll to the bar down the corner to see if there’s any talent, something you wouldn’t do if you had to make the long journey each way from suburbia. With logistics, you not only have a better chance of banging each girl you approach, you approach much more because of the infinitely smaller amount of activation energy each approach will require.

I know this because not so long ago a member of the RVF got in touch with me to say that he was visiting my city. While back at home he lived with his parents in the suburbs, when he visited he got a hotel room in the middle of all the action. While back at home it was difficult for him to approach between his job and his living situation, when visiting he was easily able to approach heavily and broke a vicious dry spell he had been experiencing. With no doubt in my mind that would have slept with more girls if he were visiting long enough to follow up on the dozens phone numbers he acquired in the short period of time.

Now stop and think the difference in your average man’s level of game and sex life after a few years of living with his parents versus living with great logistics like in the above example. This is why it’s imperative for young guys to leave the nest as soon as possible, because when you’re young you’re not a lame corporate manboob yet have massive energy, libido and potential and every day you that you don’t harness that you waste it.

Moving Out Is An Essential Step In Becoming A Man

The earlier you leave, the less complacent you will be later. Don’t become one of those parent’s basement dwelling 27 year old’s. Feminists do indeed say this a lot, but it is true that any dude who still lives with his mum is not a man yet.

Many of you will say that you cannot afford to move out. Before you say that research how much your rent, bills and groceries will cost you if your share an apartment. Plus the cost of your clothes, alcohol, cover charges and every other expense that you will be responsible for.  An easy way to estimate this is to take how much rent will be paying and multiply it by four, or three if you’re not going to be taxed much and aren’t concerned about saving yet.

Make Sacrifices

In order to slash your rent, which will be your biggest expense, considering converting living room the living room of your apartment into an extra bedroom, perhaps with the use of portable walls, to reduce your individual rent burdens. You might think this will overcrowd the apartment, but if you’d rather designate a special room just to watch television rather then making moving out home possible you need to rethink your priorities. If you need a space for everybody to gather and chill, using somebodies bedroom can suffice.

Sacrificing space in order to move out from your parents home is worth it. I once lived overseas with 3 of my friends and I slept in the one room divided into quadrants, each of us with only a wardrobe, desk and a bed to our personal space. Despite these living conditions, it was one of the happiest times of my life because of the experiences I had and memories I made in that period, two things which are much more important to one’s happiness than material possessions. Besides you’re young, you don’t need all that much space.

I understand that it’s not financially possible for many people to move unless you have a full time job. With part time work, savings and support from family or the government it is however very possible (depending on where you live) if you make sacrifices and budget well. Hell, you already know somebody that is doing it. In the end, you will never know unless you try. Whether it is a success or a failure and you end up moving back in with your parents, moving out is a fundamental to personal growth as a man in the 21st century.  I’m taking my shot at it, and I urge you all to “man up” and take a shot as well.

Read Next: 5 Bachelor Pad Essentials

49 thoughts on “The First Milestone In Becoming A Man”

  1. You didn’t talk about one of the most crucial things you need to do in a living situation. Choose your roommates VERY wisely. I’d rather live with my parents long enough to find a better situation than live with a real shitty roommate.

    1. This. I relied on my friend to find a roommate and she turned out to be a psycho bitch (who I believe was partly psycho because I wouldn’t fuck her (lesson #2 if you are going to live with a girl, make sure you don’t want to fuck her)). Thankfully, we got her out and did an extensive campaign to find the new dude. Good, long, informative craigslist ads telling exactly what you want and then internet stalking when you get responses works well.

    2. That’s true I didn’t talk about that. I kind of took that for granted since I’m moving in with my regular wingmen, not “civilians”.

  2. I live in Helsinki, Finland and i am approaching a point where i have to move out of my campus and into my first “real” home. I have 2 options that i am considering:
    A) 20-30 minutes away from downtown, 2 room + kitchen apartment
    B) 5 minutes away from downtown studio apartment.
    I am leaning towards the option B as this would force myself to commit(i am buying, not renting) to the lifestyle that i want, aka the playboy lifestyle. Option A would leave a door open for some chick to move in with me when i would eventually get comfortable and lazy.

    1. If you are just moving off of campus, how much stuff could you have accumulated that you would NEED a second bedroom? If you’re not using it and only want the extra space because it is a better dollar per square foot, you need to reassess your priorities. You’ll grow to hate living so far away and people will hate you for not living closer. Living close is not only good for the bangs, but friends will want to congregate and use your place as a launching point (don’t let this happen all the time, though).
      Definitely go with the studio.

      1. Yep. A convenient place is much better than an inconvenient luxurious place.

    2. Hi, I’m also living in Helsinki at the moment and having thoughts about this. Care to tell more?

      1. Boom, I’m also guy from Helsinki that’s looking for an apartment and I came across your post and I’d like to talk to you. Suomeksi or in english. Email me at: aloe11 ät zoho piste com

  3. Every man needs a place of his own. His own territory which he can truly call his. No, your room at your parent’s house doesn’t count.

  4. i’d rather not take any advice on being a man from some little turd with virtually no reputable life experience.
    let’s see how much of a man you are after I steal your girl and fuck her in my dad’s house.

  5. Good post, you can’t make the most of game without good logistics. I’ve used my parents house as a strategic base to come back to for a month or two after long trips in Europe, but I quickly found my own place after. When your in your late teens or early 20s it’s a given to live with other people, but as soon as I could I got my own place. I don’t like living with people even if they are good roommates since there is always something that will annoy you.
    Another point to mention is that it’s much better to have a smaller place downtown than a larger place more than a mile from the action. Whether your trying to bring a girl back from a bar or a date, it’s a far more favorable situation to be able to walk back to your place instead of driving or taking a cab. I live in a studio now and it’s relatively inexpensive enough to where I can cover a couple months rent for when I’m out of the country, to have a place to come right back to. I don’t have room for a couch so the only place women are sitting is on my bed.

  6. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your perspective) I moved out at 16. I didn’t have much of a choice though. It eventually led to a short time in the military and being homeless for a little while, but it was worth it in the long run.
    I met a lot of young people through the Occupy movement who were older than me but still living with mommy and daddy. Suffice to say, they were some of the most spoiled little sh*ts I ever met. They were getting laid and partying more than I ever have though, so what can I say?
    Perhaps the best (or worst, again depending on your perspective) example was a fat, neck bearded 26 year old virgin living on his father’s dime. He was the angriest, most socially retarded fellow I have ever known. I’d much rather be homeless than turn into that.

  7. The roommates you have will make or break it. If you have hater roommates that cockblock it can be a nightmare.
    Still all that being said, get the hell out of living with Mom & Dad. If your parents are separated/divorced etc and live separately I think living with you Dad is acceptable. But living with your Mom…you are killing your masculinity.
    If I was a young guy who couldn’t afford to move out, honestly, I would put game on hold and focus everything I could into improving my situation – a new job, go to a place like dev bootcamp, start a business, whatever is necessary. First things first.

  8. Don’t worry about the place being that nice either. Whatever furniture you can cobble together from Goodwill will suffice. Nobody expects a young dude to be living large – especially if you are cultivating the student, artist, or outdoors guy aura.

  9. Men in their 30s are more comfortable with themselves, and have greater life experience that improves their scoring potential anyway. On logistics, this may only be for Europe, but don’t overlook a cheap hotel, if there’s one near the watering holes. It kind of bypasses the LMR because it turns the bang into a magic carpet ride for her.

  10. I’d rather live in the streets or in my car than live with my parents. Unless you are taking care of them our of necessity or they are living in your home, it is beyond pathetic to be living with your parents beyond your early 20’s.

    1. I knew a dude who was 26 who said he was ‘waiting to get stable’ to move out. Hard Rock Cafe isn’t exactly the Pentagon but whatever

    2. Honestly, shit happens. You lose jobs, you may not be able to share an apartment with people that are sane, or whatever. I don’t live at home but I can see why, especially in this shit economy if people stay home for a little longer not because the want to, but because they almost HAVE TO.
      Financially stable > pussy.

      1. I agree, financial stability is more important than getting laid. If you made a poor choice in careers and/or did not save enough for living off of savings, then you are not likely to be financially stable. Literally every person I know living at home and older than 25 made both those mistakes.

    3. Debt is what’s pathetic. Student loans and car loans are pathetic. If you have to live at home to achieve zero debt, do it.
      If you are solvent and can afford a tolerable spot, yeah, living at home is dumb.

      1. Depends on what kind of debt you take on. I have taken on debt for both student loans and car loans in the last couple years so that I could use my savings to invest. Student loans are federal interest deferral and car loan is 1.99%. Investment returns have been ~13%.

  11. I have to say that in my town, you can skip the roommates and go for the studio/one bedroom that’s ALL YOURS. The cost is only slightly higher, and given my experience with roommates, its money well spent.
    In the end, if there’s a will, there’s a way. If a man wants up and out bad enough, he can strap his shoes on and get it done.

  12. Sure having your own place is nice, but rent costs are so high that you’ll constantly be broke or near broke.

      1. I think 90%+ of young guys would pick pussy over financial stability at this age.

        1. And they should be mocked for it. If you’re willing to get into a terrible financial situation for a few more wet holes a month you’re basically enslaved by your cock.

  13. I heard Robert Greene say in a podcast recently that if there’s something you want to do business wise, live at home with your parents save the $$$ and just focus on that. I’m in my early 20’s, saving up so i can leave the country, I don’t want to settle for another place in the same city, I need more than that.

  14. When i was 18 my parents hated tge idea of me movin out even so much as mentioning it i would lectured to tears…fuck almost 5 years later now they want me out n i dont want to go….that drive is just gone..

    1. i need to go… not even botherin approaching cuz i live at home …like how am i gonna shake off my v-card…an my pocketbook isnt ready…im still a student:(

    1. An expensive one. A studio apartment in the nightlife area is $1,200 a month. But my bros and I got extremely lucky and through a slightly older wingman found a living situation in that area for considerably less than that.

  15. Felix Dennis has also harped on the importance of breaking away from the parental nest for financial success. I’m not aware of any companies that were started at mom&dad’s.

  16. I suggest moving to an affordable city like Atlanta, Colorado, or Austin where you can get a good place for $600-$800 a month(and that is with no roommate!). I personally recommend Atlanta(Go Hometown!) with its great dearth of colleges, young woman, and low cost of living. Word to the wise in ATL though, avoid black neighborhoods like the plague. The rent is way cheaper for a reason, crime, violence and bullshit in general.A good rule of thumb is going to the nearest gas station to where you are looking to rent, if there is someone begging or openly selling drugs there do not sign the lease!

  17. dude fuck roomies. i cant stand living with other people. the reason is because im a very minimal and clean guy, and most people are slugs that dig out holes and cram all their stinky filthy crap in them.
    also everybody around you wants an emotional connection of some sort. since they dont quite understand how this works, they begin by having opinions about what you do, what you should do, and then slowly turn them into responsibilities and put them on you. it doesnt matter who this is. a woman, parents, friends, whoever. eventually they start feeling the need to have a say in what you do. and if i value them i either lose focus or wind up alienating them.
    the best thing you can do for yourself and those around you is to keep a respectable arms length distance from everyone. let them in the most intimate parts of your life, but dont live with them if you can help it, which you can.
    live by yourself. if you cant right now you cant. but if you arent doing it already it should be an immediate goal.

  18. P Dog! our minds are definelty on the same track. Im about your age too. Living at home with my mum and sister is toxic to my testosterone. Whenever my mum takes a trip abroad I can feel my libido surge, but my sister is still there to cockblock me. I’ve realised it will be expensive, but in the end worth it. I am full time in a busy degree at uni, but the I would be living very centrally (to uni & clubs), and am working on girls in my class. Planning on studying alot, but also will have oppurtunities to go midnight ish, for a stroll and try pick up. Thanks for this post

  19. A me olvide de decirte Gerardo nos puede casar en la iglesia de san andres. Buenisimo no!

  20. to the proprietors: perhaps you should enlist some authors with more experience, age and wisdom to contribute. often times this feels like a place for early 20 somethings only.

  21. Absolutely agree with this article. In terms of lays. I was able to have sex with a dozen women the first 6 months after I moved out whereas premigration only 3-4

  22. Talk about being a slave to your penis, moving out solely in the persuit of pussy, takes that slavery to a new level.

    1. How absurd. It’s about freedom and autonomy, stuff like that. Of course mommy isn’t there to wash your panties and nurse your sniffles, but moving out is (or should be) the best time in your life. It’s liberation but it is more work.

  23. “With part time work, savings and support from family or the government it is however very possible (depending on where you live) if you make sacrifices and budget well. ”
    lets cut the crap….if you are living off of all that, YOU ARE NOT A MAN. you might be a bit more independent, but thats not manly. as one that is living off others because college, while I am left to do my own thing with the money…the fact is i am not independent. I have a friend who is even worse than I, not only do his folks foot the bill for him, but he doesnt even use that money to pay his bills…they do it for him.
    then we have another friend….he pays his own bills and mortgage it is true, but he has the mental maturity of a 5 year old. once again living on your own does not = man. and in his case he has to take care of his parents because they’d be homeless otherwise which i know is hurting his mental growth.
    and finally a fourth friend….he is truly financially independent aka paying his own bills with no help. he lives alone….yet he is not a man. something intangible is missing.
    occupying your own living space doesnt = man.

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