Dictionary Of American Girlspeak, Volume II

We pick up our lessons in the complex argot of the American woman where we left off last time.

Audrey Hepburn

1. Celebrated British actress whose iconic performances in a series of Hollywood film classics throughout the 1950s and 60s gained her international recognition and fame. 2. Girls’ go-to example of a woman who could “pull off” pixie cut, despite the fact that she—like every other woman with a short haircut—looked ten times better with it long.


Best Friend

1. A meaningless title that, despite having the connotation of exclusivity by its use of the superlative, is given out to multiple people. 2. “Girl(s) with whom I’m currently spending the most time.”


1. Occupied with something. 2. Cycling between her Facebook, Instagram, and online dating profile, while incessantly texting her best friends and guy friends in the interstices about the trivial matters in her ordinary life. 3. Meeting up with an alpha male who provides her with no-strings-attached sex, or staying home with her sex toys. 4. Not interested.


1. A small, domesticated member of the genus Felis. 2. A proxy for female maternal instinct that many girls begin acquiring in their mid-to-late 20s (and accumulating in subsequent decades) that serves a series of psychological functions: enabling her to rationalize her on-going single status; giving her living prop for Facebook pictures; granting her the satisfaction of caring for a living creature without any of the inconvenience of having to do any real work, since cats—apart from having to fill their bowls and clean their litter box—are essentially self-sustaining. 3. A virtually useless, intensely disloyal pet that barely recognizes you as part of its life.


1. A miniature cake, often decorated with sprinkles and frosting. 2. Another urban fad to which young-adult females—especially foodies—are especially susceptible, given its irresistible combination of being: popular with everyone else, overpriced, overhyped, and calorie-laden.



1. A popular social networking website that allows members to exchange messages and images with other members. 2. A woman’s best friend, providing all of the ego-boosting benefits of 24/7 attention-whoring, without any of messy side-effects—actually having to leave the house, dealing with creepy guys, or having to occasionally put out. 3. A girl’s rejection pile or waiting list, filled with guy friends, orbiters, and thirsty ego-caressers.



1. A person with a knowledge of and taste for gourmet foods, especially from restaurants. 2. A backward rationalization for being anywhere from slightly overweight to obese. 3. Addicted to buttery and sugary foods without the modest self-restraint needed to eat them in moderation.


1. An often physically attractive person employed to promote products, serve as a physical specimen for artists, or to display commercial objects—such as clothing or accessories—in advertisements and catalogs. 2. Having a friend with a nice camera willing to take photographs of you for little or no cost. 3. A woman with a basic account on the ModelMayhem website.


1. A propensity for using clever and acerbic wit, dry humor, and matter-of-fact indifference to matters large and small. 2. A posture of being abrasive, bored, vulgar, and difficult-just-for-the-sake-of-being-difficult that girls adopt because they think it’s a desirable or attractive personality trait, makes them funny, or is rare—despite the fact that every other girl is also copying the same popular television characters from whom their “unique” personality is being lifted (e.g., Liz Lemon).

Read More: Dictionary Of American Girlspeak, Volume I

61 thoughts on “Dictionary Of American Girlspeak, Volume II”

  1. I never understood cats as pets, because they give nothing back to their owners. But red pill wisdom explains it. Distant, aloof, and selfish, liable to go off and leave at any time: no wonder women prefer cats to dogs, whose loyalty and eagerness to please resembles a beta male orbiter!

    1. I don’t understand the hate towards cats. They are are nice friendly animals once you get to know them. They don’t hand out friendships left and right like the dumbass dogs.

        1. Well, when you consider the number of extremely useful things dogs can be trained to do (guide dogs, guard dogs, shepherd dogs, sled dogs, life guard dogs, finding buried people in natural disasters, drug sniffers, even cancer sniffers ..) you can’t say they are useless by a long shot.
          Arguing about the various merits of animals is pretty useless though. They can only be according to their nature 🙂

        2. How many times have you heard of someone “paying” for a cat? Mother F they’re all free….
          Anywho- anyone, male or female, in their 20’s is severely limiting their ability to move around and pursue goals as they more than likely have to run home 3x a day to let their dog take a shit on their front lawn. What a good investment.

        3. If you live in a house, cats are the most potent pest destroyers. They kill almost anything that breathes, from insects, to rodents and most importantly serpents. If you keep them outside, just a little food buys their loyalty.
          So yes, cats are useful.

        4. Unless you live in a cave with pests everywhere, they’re not free, you have to buy food and litter. If you only consider the buying cost, mixed-breed puppies are free too. Most dogs can stand being walked 2 times a day so it won’t change your schedule either.

        5. I had a friend with a dog. It would jump all over you, destroy your luggage while staying at his place to get at food you had inside, and stare at you until you stared back at it and then suddenly would bark really loud and scare the shit out of you and make you think you were going to have to fight it to the death. He spent ungodly amounts of money on that animal, then tried asking me for a loan. I turned him down and said, “Instead of bumming money off of me, why not just get rid of the dog.”
          Dude had his girlfriend get an abortion, and got the dog for her as a gift. Fucked up priorities if you ask me.

        6. Dogs are probably more clever than cats but not a whole lot. They are just dying to serve like a lill bitch thats why they are easy to trait, they really want to do whatever stupid task you ask them to do. Cat dont see any purpose with stupid tasks you give them thats why they wont do them. You dont dominate a cat and it dont dominate you, you are just friends. Thats what I like about them, they dont HAVE to be your friend to get something from you, they just are if they like you.
          They closest you can have to true friendship in the animal kingdom. Dogs are just slaves.

        7. That’s what you get for getting a dog without the proper knowledge and involvement, your friend’s stupid. And dogs are inexpensive (even homeless people can afford it), just don’t buy branded food and snacks.

        8. You’re missing the point. In economic terms, you need to run the numbers on the “opportunity cost” of owning pets like that.
          If I want to pack up and move away- will I have to ask my landlord if it’s okay to bring along my fish bowl?
          It’s basically like having a kid, except it only lives for 17 years (max).
          I think animals can be great friends and awesome for your mental health…but if you’re in college and expect to be making moves…hold off on buying Rover.

      1. Not hatred. I, for one, like both cats and dogs. But, I wouldn’t have either as a pet.
        The comment isn’t about cats but about chicks’ affinity for cats. I never was able to comprehend this pre-Red Pill, but the comment about, in essence, low-maintenance nurturing of an animal that seldom gives anything back is spot-on.
        Related to this is the fairly common situation of a chick having nieces and nephews, but no kids of her own. Again, similar to the cat situation.

        1. Any pet will do over a woman: They love you unconditionally, won’t abandon you for a perceived “bigger better deal”, won’t talk back/talk first, won’t call cops and lawyers on you…

    2. Cats make lousy pets, but if you live in a rural area with rodents, they are the only way to keep mice out. We always had a couple, but we didn’t take them seriously.

  2. Can I suggest something for Volume III, “Fun”. Defer to definition of “hook up”.

      1. Not surprising. I’ve never seen a woman cutting her hair and looking better than before.

  3. That video is hilarious, but there should be a warning. The last model pic there nearly had me losing my breakfast. 🙂

  4. “A virtually useless, intensely disloyal pet that barely recognizes you as part of its life.” So true, but their allure is that one day they will recognize your love and reciprocate it, allowing a man such as myself to be “beta” with something living and not get punished for it.

    1. Cats are kind of like Alpha male templates: they don’t go about pandering or seeking approval. Which is probably why women like them.

      1. Cats actually seek approval, they often bring dead animals to your front door in order to get rewarded.

        1. No, cats are bringing you dead animals because they believe you’re absolute crap at hunting. 🙂

      2. It tells something about the mentality of women if a cat can take them to school. We cant let people like that vote.

  5. That model song dude has it available on iTunes? Seriously? He’s like a bad Weird Al. Just look at the cover for the single.

  6. Nice job.
    Foodie: Girl who fancies herself a professional food critic because she writes Yelp reviews that showcase her ignorance of all things culinary. Known to pen glowing reviews paired with a mediocre score of three out of five stars. Demotes restaurants if she got in a fight with her girlfriends the day she dined there.

  7. Fairness = unrestricted female privilege
    Equality = unencumbered female privilege
    Feelings = things she has but you don’t have
    Respect = always to be received, never given
    Dialogue = opinionated female monologue
    Discussion = belligerent female monologue
    Debate = spirited female monologue

    1. Best Friend = asexual beta, nice guy, emotional tampon, and potential future cuckold
      Just a Friend = aloof alpha, fuck buddy, not really her type, it just happened, but it doesn’t count

    2. The fact that you actually believe in “female privilege” proves that you are a fucking idiot.

  8. I feel cats are misunderstood, both by lonely women and cat haters / dog lovers. The truth is that any cat can be an awesome pet once you learn to see it as just a cat and don’t project any of your own feelings or expectations on it. They’re chill as fuck. Dogs are awesome, too, but they can be annoying sometimes.

  9. Putting the line of fools standing outside Georgetown Cupcake is Perfect Example No. 1.

  10. How about something about travel? To me, it seems that more and more chicks are doing the “travel thing” for street cred, as evidenced by the sheer numbers of pics of Paris, Costa Rica, and fucking Barcelona on the Net.
    (Not that I have anything against Barcelona per se but — Jesus Cristo! — there are other cities in Spain to visit and write about. Toledo and Burgos, anyone?)

      1. You can combine travel with foodie . . .
        “Traveling foodie” = stuffing fatty and high-caloric foods into the one orifice. Especially cream. 😉

  11. all women look like mental patients when they cut their hair short. and their is a reason this is both true and useful for American women. since American women do not have stable relationships with men, men who could defend the women physically, the women want to look like they are psychos in the hope that they look scary enough to avoid a physical confrontation. most sane people do not want to have a fight with a loony. women never give a guy credit for being a protector. if a woman ever does give credit to a man for being a protector, than the protector bit is lumped together with the provider trait. protecting and providing are two very different traits, but women refuse to give guys separate accolades based on a mans ability to do either.
    good article Tuthmosis

  12. Marilyn Monroe: The go-to woman example that “big is beautiful” This being despite the fact that when she was at her largest, she was a size 10 by today’s standards. She also had 3 failed marriages (longest of which was 5 years) and was found dead in a pool of her own vomit from a drug overdose.

  13. I think I recall that cupcake photo from Roosh before. They must be giving away free iPads right? Offering to pay their rent for six months? Anything? That can’t be a lineup for cupcakes? That is utterly insane.
    Another good one is “Foodie”. Was with these female acquaintances one day. They start talking about ending their casual flings with some guys because they weren’t “foodies”. One of the girls is quickly beginning to add the pounds as she moves through her 30s. Give your head a shake.
    Everyone enjoys a decent meal every now and then but come on! It’s no wonder my tolerance for women just for a bang has fallen off a cliff the past few years. I can’t stand listening to them.

  14. 1. Audrey Hepburn was not British she was born in Belgium and worked predominantly in American cinema. It wasn’t until she was very famous (late 50s) that she started working outside of the US.
    2. This is one of the most sexist articles I have ever read. But putting that aside it is heavily based on personal opinion and facts that haven’t been researched.
    I am sorry, but this is laughable. I can’t tell whether it is written by a actual man who has no idea or whether it was written satirically by a young woman.

  15. one man’s prudish wife is another man’s slut..
    it’s all about perceptions..which side do you want to be on?

  16. In defense of cats, mine liked me. But then, I didn’t chop off their balls and remove their claws and keep them locked up in a box instead of letting them roam free outdoors where they killed birds and squirrels and generally kept my property rodent-free. Americans are doing it wrong.

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