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7 Things I Learned From Delivering Pizzas In College

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I delivered pizzas through college for many years. Sometimes part-time, sometimes full-time. I have worked as a manager, but primarily was a driver.

You learn a lot about the world as a driver. Let’s get the most controversial one out of the way.

1. Race & Tipping

It is true that black people are the worst tippers, on average, than other races. However, it isn’t as terrible as some would make it out. Once you control for class and being raised by a single mother, it explains much of difference. If you can believe it, I have actually diagrammed the demographics of my customers. I am very talkative and personable, so I glean a lot from my customers.

Part of the idea that black people are far worse tippers is the fact that getting stiffed really sucks. In your anger, you notice things that aren’t all that relevant. I have kept charts, racially, of who stiffs. Blacks are significantly more likely to stiff, but when black people tip, they tend to be more generous than whites.

The worst tippers are black females who are middle-class and above. I recently had a woman in this demographic request her exact change down to the pennies. She was living in a small mansion. I suppose her penny-pinching could have helped her in life, but it’s pretty universal.

Class is still the most determinant of tipping behaviors. Poor people are not universally bad tippers by any stretch – you can tell who will tip almost immediately. Maybe it is just a sixth sense I have developed, but I know almost immediately if they will tip or not. Maybe I sense their guilt over knowing they won’t tip – although many people clearly don’t give a damn if they stiff you or not. These sorts of people are usually young and male.

As for other races, cultural divides loom large. Asian and Indian immigrants are pretty bad at tipping, but not because they stiff, but because they often give just a dollar. I don’t know much culturally about either race, so I will leave it at that.

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2. People Are Assholes When They Are Hungry

I have never seen so much anger than when people are angry and they don’t get their food or get their order screwed up. Sometimes I think people want to crush their problems on somebody’s head and they pick an easy target in a person working a low-status job.

Just about all of the hate directed at me has come through my job. I have worked stores with dine-in, or stores with just delivery/carryout. The dine-in’s are the worst and I have seen people come to blows in the parking lot. I have seen a child get beat outright in a bathroom, I have seen douchebags get arrested by an off-duty cop for beating the shit out of his girlfriend in the parking lot.

For some reason, being hungry causes people to do stupid shit. Otherwise seemingly well-adjusted people get irascible and say some extremely mean-spirited shit. I have been called, trash, worthless, dumber than shit, “not worthy of an abortion,” and I need to work on my “manajorial skills.”

When working a service job like this, you need to have a thick skin or you will flame out. Just from a human relations standpoint, you really have to understand their anger is rarely about you, but their anger over service or product quality. Sometimes people are just looking for a fight. I have learned to not take it seriously.

3. Dinner Rushes Are Fucking Insane

TL;DR: If you are not on your shit, an intense dinner rush will destroy you.

If you work a store with dine-in, delivery and carryout, shit can hit the fan on any night. One the worst rushes I worked was a Monday in the middle of a heat spell in July. Should be easy right? Wrong. Had one cook, three drivers, two servers and a dishwasher. Got completely gobsmacked. I had to run cut table, wait multiple tables all the while trying to keep carryout caught up and cashing everybody out. I also had to help on make table to keep my slow-ass cook up to speed.

Sure, in the end I pocketed 40 bucks while making manager wages, but for about three hours, it was sheer insanity. You really have to be able to multi-task and keep on your grind. Situations like these mean your only break is to piss. I have seen multiple people crack and walk out. I recall a female manager who burst into sobbing tears during her first intense rush as a new manager. I was just a driver at that time, but I had to run the store while she cried herself sane for like 20 minutes.

You gotta have some spine in you to survive these rushes. One night all I had, in store, was two drivers and a server. I had to cook everything and take about 1/3 of the tables. I had to answer phones as my drivers were on the road constantly. It was fucking brutal. One of my drivers was a retired dude and bought me a bottle of Sailor Jerry (I was only 20) to reward me for putting up with all that bullshit. We got blacked-out drunk at his crib later that night.

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4. Meeting Women Is Incredibly Easy

I have worked quite a bit on opening women just because you meet so many people delivering, cashing out carry-out or serving.

I am a good-looking guy, so the wheels are greased a good bit in my favor, but I have been able to score a good bit of numbers from women. If they are a regular and attractive, you have to get on that tip and get to know them and get those digits. I met a good bit of women this way. I never cleaned up, but I did alright.

Also, for some reason, women love flirting with delivery drivers. I have heard this from other drivers, as well. Maybe it is just the cultural stereotype.

5. You Learn About Race And Class

I am not going to talk about class, as I grew up in an impoverished town. As for race, for a white guy like me, it was an instructive endeavor. I worked with a friend who didn’t learn much about race in America, so it is there if you want to learn.

It is very easy to talk theoretically about the issues black people face, but it isn’t as easy to actually see it and experience it first-hand. I have been there when my black manager gets called a “dumb fucking n*gger” by some fool. Unsurprisingly, white women are more likely to do this than white men.

In her own words, it isn’t as common as some would suggest, but when it happens it is very obvious and often very hateful. However, she told me (and I witnessed) that black women are often the instigators. She had multiple threats of violence – mostly from black women. She got jumped by some angry black women in the parking lot, had a plate thrown at her and endless amounts of vitriolic hate spewed at her verbally.

6. Working Delivery Rubs Some People The Wrong Way

I have a clear memory of some people in law school being extremely put off that I worked in the service industry – multiple douchebags who went to Harvard or Yale that were some the most stuck up dipshits I have every encountered.

I remember one classmate of mine, during orientation – when I explained I worked as a driver through undergrad – sighing loudly and actually said that it “really spoke to quality of the incoming class.” I recall another person saying I was an affirmative action sympathy case. This is completely liberal law school – I was further alienated because I wasn’t a Democrat.

You tell a lot about somebody by how they treat people who work in lower-status professions. I handled every insult gracefully, deflecting with humor or outright stomping them out. Still, you get a picture of a self-absorbed snob for these sorts of people. Often, they are first ones talking about class oppression or misogyny – in real life they don’t give a damn about anybody who doesn’t elevate their social status.

humility1

7. It Teaches You To Be Humble

I have learned a lot from delivering, but one the most important lessons is humility. When you start out, you got to pay your dues to move up the ladder. Every store will have some long term drivers that often are dicks. You have to prove yourself to be capable of the grind.

Also, consider the heated nature of the job. The first time some random person dumps on you badly it can hurt. Since I was just 18 when I started, the first time somebody really went in on me it hurt very much. However, you learn to deal with.

It isn’t just humility, but also confidence. You learn to deal with angry and hateful people – if you aware enough, you learn to deal with them in a way that is healthy and mature. It can be tough, as some people are begging for a verbal ass-beating, but it is almost always best to let it go. Let them look like the asshole for bleating on with no vengeful response from you.

The job teaches you respect for low-paid but high-stress jobs like in the service industry. The difficultly in the job doesn’t lie in the actual work contracted for, but in the day-to-day grind of rushes, assholes and the stressful nature of the job. Still, it is a job I will never regret taking on and have multiple positive memories from the experience.

Read Next: Letter To My College Freshman Self

148 thoughts on “7 Things I Learned From Delivering Pizzas In College”

  1. In a previous business incarnation I delivered what I sold; we’re talking hideabeds and washers here (kept me in shape). I never understood why food delivery guys got tipped for a lousy couple of pounds, while we rarely got tipped for breaking our backs lifting hundreds of pounds up and down stairs and through twisting hallways (yes I’m bitter ;-). Anyway, the few people who did tip us were usually the lower class poorer ones, almost never the McMansion ones. In fact, if we lightly scratched a door casing, the lower class folks would laugh and tell me not to worry about it, while the McMansion types would threaten me with small claims court. I hate people who think their possessions make them better than others.
    When you get into ethnicity, I’ve found that Arabs are the worst to deal with; I’ve told more than a few in the past to get the fuck out of my store. “You want a deal? Look, I took 10% off the price! No, you are not going to get it for half price! This is not the fucking desert! There’s the fucking door!”

    1. If I hit the lottery im going to buy a convience store in the middle of a busy neighborhood and sit there watching tv all day with the door locked only taking breaks to yell at the people who come to the locked door “I DONT NEED YOUR DAMN BUSINESS”

      1. It’s more fun to price something below wholesale cost. Then when somebody wants to buy it, you say, “Sorry, it’s not for sale”. They know they can’t get it cheaper anywhere else, so it really riles them.
        When I had my last closing-out sale, my ads said, “All offers considered!” Well, a smug older dude in a vintage mercedes convertible comes in and offers me half price for something. I comeback with 20% off. He gets offended and says, “But your ad says ‘All offers considered’!” I smile at him and say, “Yes, I’ve considered your offer and I’ve refused it.” That lit his fuse, I’m telling you! He stormed out. Another one bites the dust! 😀 I’m evil, I love pissing people off, whether it’s haughty bitches or asshole Alphas or my dear Exie. 😀
        One of the times I told a Arab to leave my store I was eating a pizza. I told him, “Man, ham and bacon pizzas are soooo delicious! Want some?” 😀

        1. “Death is good for us; we need it . . .”
          It is also good for and needed by . . . The Planet. It’s called the cycle of life because life lives on the cycle.
          Funny how people who are most Concerned About the Planet(tm) think y’all should go first and they should go never.
          You need to go because you are an evil planet killer, while they need immortality because they caaaaaare.
          Welcome to the New Calvanism; same as the old except for the clothes.

        2. It sounds like you deserve whatever health problems that bacon covered monstrosity will give you.

        3. Don’t worry, I became health conscious 5 years ago and the money I now spend on quality food and supplements would shock you. I’m a fan of high quality pasture raised animal fat and protein, but cheap, chemical doused factory meat? Forget it!

        4. “Goes to show that our consciousness is not who we really are.”
          I love it when people argue using fiction as evidence.

        5. A little off topic, but isn’t soul and consciousness two words describing the same thing?

  2. I have to ask. Did a MILF ever invite you in for a ‘tip’ while a guitar with a wah-wah pedal was playing in the background?

    1. I once delivered to a hotel room where a 50 year old, leather clad dominatrix chick invited me in to show me her collection of whips and chains…I declined.

  3. The service industry in general teaches you a lot about human nature. Like you said, you need a thick skin to get by. I’ve seen countless acts of racism, reverse-racism (“What do you mean I can’t have half off? It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?!?!”), mindless threats/violence, and people who will literally kill each other to save $100 on Black Friday.
    It’s often degrading because it does teach that level of humility, but for someone who takes a passion for it in either food or retail, there can be big dividends at the end. Managing a McDonald’s is a better paying gig than most anything you’ll find with an Arts degree. In fact, retail management is pretty lucrative in most major companies. As a caveat, be warned that college courses in “retailing” are almost universally worthless bullshit: the only company I’ve come across that swears by those degrees is Sears, and I will not be surprised if that company totally disappears by 2020. Other companies are more interested in quick and tangible results than fake qualifications.
    Unless there are quotas. But that’s another story.
    Still, even with experience as an owner/manager in multiple companies drawing a very good salary, you’ll find the same issues. People will still spit on you because a can of tuna was 7 cents more than they felt like paying. But, it’s fun enough sometimes. And educational.

  4. I worked as a pizza delivery guy in college. It was probably the most fun at a job I ever had. The way I saw it, I got paid to cruise around listening to the radio. When I delivered to parties I was not shy about asking for a beer as a tip, and I usually got it. The random weekday rushes where the store was understaffed were intense, but it was a feeling of accomplishment to get thru them though. As far as tipping, I learned that there were a lot of cheap assholes out there and ultimately the costs were too much. People don’t realize that the driver pays for the gas and wear and tear on their own car.

        1. No…because it’s up to your employer to pay you a living wage and not up to the customer to make up the difference.

      2. Like I said, there are a lot of cheap assholes out there. Thanks for proving my point cheap asshole!

        1. So you’re entitled to tips as a pizza driver? The government should pass a law to make sure you receive your entitlements.

        2. Not only is it cultural custom, but if *you* know somebody is paid sub-minimum wage, bringing you food you were too lazy to cook or even retrieve yourself, then you better tip. Period.
          I can’t imagine calling somebody to my door, with the cultural custom and legal environment expecting you to tip, and then stiff. That’s called being an asshole.

        3. I never said anything about entitlement, I just said that people that didn’t tip were cheap a-holes. God this site has a lot of dummies!

    2. I grew up during the days of free delivery, so I usually subtract any delivery costs out of any tips I give.

  5. Lol, no surprises about the black women here. Something is very wrong with them across the board. Im laughing bc everything you said is true.

    1. I once heard a black woman talking to her friend on her cellphone telling her about how she needed to quit her job and go back to school so she could start getting food stamps again.
      That is their mentality.

        1. I believe the term is rayciss. “You a rayciss” would be the correct ebonical morpheme if I am not mistaken.

        1. Exactly. I heard this conversation in a grocery store. Where she was obviously upset that she would be spending the money for her job on food. Money that could have gone towards her fifty dollar manicures.
          Why should I pay for my food when the government can pay for it. I will go back to school, where as a minority I will get a free ride and because Diversity and because Affirmative Action I will get a job easily.
          Not only black women, but all women think this way. They just dont realize how easy they have it in this world.
          Until they dont.

  6. I worked for Longs Drugs for three years in college and got out while it was being purchased by CVS. It taught me many important lessons. Suffice it to say, I sympathize a lot with anyone who works in retail.

    1. Indeed, when I parked cars over a few summers I found that the rich tended to be the shittiest tippers unless they were showing off to some young piece of tail. Service folks and musicians tended to tip better. For me, I tend to be (over)generous for good service (by rounding up a $15ish meal to, say, $20), but I’m happy to leave a shitty tip for shitty service (by rounding up a $15ish meal to, say, $16).

  7. and… you worked at pizza hut. know how I know? I’ve worked at all three of the big chains and your experiences are exactly the same as mine.

  9. I worked as a bartender / bar back through undergrad. The worst thing that happens to service folks are bachelorette parties. They never tip and frequently get angry when you give them the bill. Usually the only good looking one in the group is the bride, shocker I know. They spend all day applying vasoline to each other so they can squeeze into a dress that fit before they started sitting on their ass 8 hours a day eating m&ms. Then they tell each other how they all look cute. They build themselves up to the point where they think they are 9s and 10s and expect to get treated like princesses, when in reality it’s a herd of over painted cattle braying and stomping, sucking on penis straws. Disgusting.

      1. I bet he caved on the pink tie, “Honey, if the bridesmaids are wearing pink dresses, YOU are wearing a pink tie to match, got it?!”

        1. I can understand putting the groomsmen in pink ties, but reducing the groom to the status of just a bridesmaid? Bad sign.

  10. American Black women are absolutely hideous for the most part. 19 out of 20 have at least one of the following “no go” issues for a white guy to even be bothered initiating a romantic relationship.
    1. Grossly Overweight (turkey arms and bubble-butt)
    2. Rampant Anti-Intellectualism
    3. Gator Nose (almost universally considered unattractive and unfeminine)
    4. “Oh no you Deh-Eh (Didn’t)” Bitchy Attitude Problems
    5. Deshawn, Latrell, DaMarcus, and Tyrone will all disapprove of your relationship (sometimes confrontational) just because you are White
    6. 300+ years of history in the USA and many still can’t even speak proper English (Ebonics) while all 2nd generation Asian and Latino migrants are able to speak in Kings.
    7. There are just simply too many hot White, Latin, and Asian girls around the place to EVEN BOTHER
    Compare them to Black Women who are from Brazil or the U.K. who are much more fit, attractive, smart, well spoken, have sexy accents, dig guys from all colors and backgrounds, and their brethren won’t have a problem with your relationship.
    95% of black american women are just POISON. They’ve got to be the most undesirable females on the planet. And I have been to a lot of places.

    1. I can understand why the brothers have no interest in those toxic animals. They will take the fat digusting white bitches over the She-boon anyday.

      1. Go figure! Any brother who has any kind of decent prospects in life very disproportionately winds up with white women or at least mixed race women.
        You gotta take the bastardized-American-Baboon genes out of the equation as much as possible.to land a decent woman.

    2. Sir, I am black….and I can’t find any argument to your statement. You are mostly correct.

      1. That list should be part of a post on why men of all races don’t date Black American women.

        2. I’m a black woman. I’m married now, but when I was dating I was told by both black and white men that being with me was like dating a white girl because I didn’t exhibit any of the above problems. And still to this day people are often surprised when I speak. It’s sad because there are a lot of black women out there who are what I call would call ‘regular’ but the ill-mannered, uneducaded, over-sexed version of us far outnumbers the regular ones. Unfortunately the one who need to see this list won’t, and even if they did, I doubt it would have an impact because as long as they can get a man, regadless of quality, they won’t see themselves as the problem.

        3. Spot On. I guarantee you there are very few white men out there in the USA these days who avoid dating black women SIMPLY because of the color of their skin (that’s just flat out prejudice).
          It’s everything that SEEMS TO COME WITH IT.

        4. Exactly! I thank you for writing this list, and plan to bring it to the attention of those who can spread it much further than I can. I don’t claim to be perfect, the strong independent woman gene is even harder for me as a black woman to overcome, but this website has been so eye-opening and I’ve learned a lot from the authors as well as the comments.

        5. Being black isn’t just skin color you tool. Southern Indians have similar skin to blacks. They aren’t black.

        6. Hmmmm, looks like Gu here failed miserably at reading my initial argument which is far and away the most popular comment on this article.
          The first three words were “American Black Women”.
          Where the fuck are you bringing up Southern Indians from?

        7. He means East Indians though I am lost as to what point he is trying to make because he seems to contradict himself. I have never “dated” a black woman but have banged a few for the novelty. The fact is black women (well, those descended from west africans), unless they have are mostly European, are the most unattractive women on the face of the planet.

      2. Your quite right man. I’m white and I kind of understand why a significant minority of White women dig black guys on the opposite racial-gender spectrum.
        A lot of black dudes tend to be quite tall, confident, funny, musical, and fairly muscular & virile to boot. All things a European women finds alluring.,

      3. Not surprising since American black women collectively are pretty much patient zero for you-go-girlism. The results aren’t pretty.
        The few black girls I’ve known personally who were nothing like that have usually been either immigrants or 1st generation American.

        1. Yep. I would hazard a guess that only about 10-15% of Black women are even dateable. Too many issues. Too many problems. Want everything handed to them or think they are entitled to “free” government money. Have kids with many different fathers and are by and large horrible parents. And worse yet, thinks its acceptable behavior.

    3. Slim black women with British accents and relatively delicate features are second only to redheaded Irish with green eyes as my kryptonite. Tall asians with American accents come third.

        2. seriously? she’s a big “meh”. reminds me of a tall Asian i was doing a while back…didn’t really do much for me. but it was easy, and she was oh so loyal…

        3. To return to the topic of working non status jobs. Years ago I was asked by a BMW sales manager if I would like to be a fill in bike salesman. I agreed and enjoyed it . Who would not enjoy being paid, if poorly for talking motorcycles.
          Then the tier kicker walked in the door, like lots before him. I called him. Tier kicker up Frount. Ge went ape shit. I apologised.
          But wait for it he complained to the assistant manager and I was fired. The job was only for fun but my life lesson was to have a lot more sympathy for employees of high end retailers. This is hanging over all their heads if they offend a arshole customer.

      2. This all seems weirdly specific. I bet, if you were a girl, your “perfect man criteria” checklist would be multiple pages long. And you would own several cats and die alone.

        1. The difference is that women’s lists are inherently impossible to fulfill, because they include items that contradict one another. drk’s list is just a couple of fairly specific types. At no point does he require a woman to be BOTH slim and black AND a green-eyed redhead.

        2. A predilection is not a 653 point check list.
          Myself, I have a predilection for the red headed, green eyed “Kelt,” but prefer the finer features of the Scot.
          This has no affect on my appreciation for a fine Irish lass. I do not wander around doing my best to pick out only the Scots.
          For that matter, of all the women who I have found sufficiently beautiful to embed themselves in my memory, it seems, upon reflection, that the majority of them are actually brunettes.
          Huh. Go figure.

    4. Feminism and the civil rights movement screwed up much of the black family structure, so what we’re seeing today is a little bit skewed. When they joined the white middle class to match the standards of the upper class, society was pretty easy going, but today with the complete destruction of standards due to the fact that blacks are granted politically protected status, a subset has taken that to its logical conclusion and learned that they don’t have to match any standard, since they can always use their politically protected status to put the rest of society on the defensive. The resulting politics from the civil rights era has created at least 2 generations of entitled losers (rappers), sluts and illiterates. Unfortunately, black men have increasingly sought to mate outside of their race, causing more hostility by mateless members of each race, particularly black women and white men.

      1. sadly things are not looking up for black Americans. The men who are worth anything are likely to marry outside of their race. The educated women are either not having children or marrying outside their race. ironically, anti-miscegenation laws forced well-bred black Americans to marry each other and improve their race over time.

      2. The culture of american blacks has changed very little since they were brought to this continent i.e. matriarchical, children by multiple fathers, violence, criminality,ect.

    5. Africa and Caribbean black women are much classier, better dressing and feminine than American black women. Although I suppose there is selection bias as to which caliber of people have the means and will to immigrate.

    6. I agree 100% with much of what you say. I have been fortunate to have dated and dropped nutz in women of all races. This includes plenty of women that would be considered Black/African by American standards.
      I have had good relationships with Black Puerto Rican females, Black Afro Brazillians, and even fooled around with a few chicks from Africa itself. All of them were good experiences. Black women are generally pretty warm people. And in my experience, they are very affectionate. Also, having lived in Africa was a real eye opener. Black females (In Kenya and South Africa) seemed to be really hot for White European men. Of course in many countries of Africa, we are a novelty in the sense that there are so few of us.
      Then however you get to the African/AMERICAN female and man…………….shit gets crazy real fast. Hostile, with a chip the size the size of Mount Rushmore on their shoulder. Their are some mixed Bi-racial females that are good to go.

    9. Something I have noticed these “American Black Women”, is that the majority are inbred. Think about it, they go around having children with 2-5 different men and don’t keep track of these “fathers”. These “fathers” go and knock up several other black chicks, and their sons will do the same. Often their sons will impregnate their own half-sisters, since neither of the children in question have a real good idea who their father is. They sometimes know their fathers, but might not know some of his other kids, since he doesn’t keep track of everything he’s stuck his dick in. The mothers are a little better at keeping track, but not much.

      1. And this isn’t all Black Americans, just the ones in the ghettos, with the welfare attitudes and such. But that’s still a lot of people.

        1. Not all but most, 75% of american blacks are born out of wedlock and there is very little desire among the black middle class to assimilate, regression to the mean.

    10. so true….I’ve worked in mostly black grocery stores in the past….and holy fuck is it ever true….the only thing you left off that list was welfare abuse which is usually “how can I fuck a man, get pregnant and get both welfare and child support and then do it again with another poor sucker”

    11. Umm, quick question, have you ever been around middle or upper classed black women? Better yet, have you ever even really been around as many blacks as you claim at all? Sounds to me like you’ have either A) been watching way too much television or B) visited low-income areas where this type of behavior is accepted. Careful your ignorance is showing.

      1. This cantaloupe is larger than this apple. The apple has a core, the melon does not. The melon has yellow-orange pulp, the apple white. The melon’s seeds are edible, the apple’s seeds are toxic. The melon has 9 grams of carbohydrate per 100 grams, the apple 13.
        I could go on.

        2. com·pare (km-pâr)
          v. com·pared, com·par·ing, com·pares
          v. tr.
          1. To consider or describe as similar, equal, or analogous; liken.
          2. To examine in order to note the similarities or differences of.

        4. The apple can last for months in cold storage. The melon cannot. A critical difference to know if you might be faced with periods of cold and lean times.
          Eat your melons, store your apples. The former is income, the later capital.

        5. Yes, you are right. My statement is wrong. maybe I wanted to say you cannot compare apples with stones.

  12. “I have been there when my black manager gets called a “dumb fucking n*gger” by some fool. Unsurprisingly, white women are more likely to do this than white men.”
    Yeah, cause there are no consequences for white women.

  14. Indians are indeed the worst tippers. Indians are extremely greedy people, they are worse than fucking Jews. An Indian will cheat you over 10 cents, that is what penny pinching, greedy fucking bastards they are.
    Be very careful around Indians.

      1. Both very old cultures, you’ll note. Commerce depends on basic law and order. Perhaps cultures of generosity, hospitality and altruism flower on the frontier, anywhere people have to band together to survive. When law and order has been established for a few thousand years, the commercial ethic takes over.

        1. I don’t know about the Chinese, but the caste system India has had for thousands of years does a lot to explain their behavior.

        2. I travel in the Middle East (its my thing, i like fucking semetic chicks). Arab/Persian/Turkish culture encourages generosity, charity and tipping. Its all part of Zakat (mandatory charity) culture. If you have extra, you must give it. In fact, Muslim Africans are more likely to tip/donate then Christian Africans. So I don’t know about your “old cultures” comment.

        3. Persian chicks aren’t semitic, they are Indo-European but yeah, they are among the hottest women on the face of the earth and very sensuous.

        4. Very enlightened of you to know that Persian’s aren’t Semites like Jews and Arabs. All women are at the core generally the same across the world, but Persian women are passionate, fiery, homely, and beautiful. The closest ethnicity to them is the Italian or Brazilian female.

        5. I live in Houston, only upside to all this diversity are our cousins like the Persians. I was at local lounge recently, broached the subject of a Persian secretary at our firm. Was extolling her beauty and many virtues (this is a woman I had befriended, really enjoyed conversations with her, very classy, grace personified). A co-worker of ours joined the conversation, asked me, “how old do you think she is?” reponded, “35”. I honestly don’t think I have seen an unattractive Persian woman. Quote a little Rumi and you are in

        6. Interesting observation though I can’t concur about the Islamic concept of Zakat being integral in this except possibly with the African Muslims, but Arab, Persian, and Turkish culture are generous because those cultures never had this idea of materialism nor condoning of greed. These cultures are born from tribes (Aryan tribes, Turk tribes, Bedouin tribes) and greed is simply unacceptable – “what’s mine is yours” almost. There is also a spiritualism in the Near East that whatever you have in this world stays here and that virility, honor, strength, spirituality, commerce, arts, politics, etc. were more important than saving money. The Hindu culture and religion’s main tenets is to save money and accumulate gold.

        7. I’ve been responding to every comment it seems but I am intrigued by this. My friends and I were recently talking about how well Persian women age. When they are 50 they look 40, when they are 40 they look 30. Whereas their European cousins age worse in comparison. We thought it may be the olive skin tone but Italian women also don’t age too well. We couldn’t come up with a reason but we thought it may be less alcohol consumption or healthier Persian cuisine.

        8. I attributed to the olive skin but you are right, that is note the answer. I do think you are correct regarding alcohol consumption. I have yet to see an intoxicated or tobacco using Persian female. Whatever it is I like it. It is funny, I mention the beauty of Persian women to guys that have never seen a Persian woman (many times they have, mistaken case of ethnic identiy, assumed some sort of latin) but when after I point out a couple they are in enthralled. It is not just their physical atractiveness but their grace and charm , something exceedingly rare. Even our Southern belles, most of them, have lost that quality.

    2. Yeah, I’ve always referred to them as brown Jews. Except Jews don’t stink like curry.

    3. Asians, particularly east and south asians, have no concept of charity/philanthropy (china has recently launched a campaign to encourage charitable giving) Japan being the exception due to being the most Westernized. Chinese, jews, Indians……..which is the worst?

    4. Not only are they the cheapest people on the planet, they are also the most arrogant. I’ve never met a shy Indian. Have you noticed they never change their names? All of them have Indians names except the Christian ones from Goa. That’s a sign of arrogance when they don’t want to assimilate to the American culture like all preceding immigrants. And the women are some of the ugliest in the world.

      1. Well Noble, we agree on Persian women, agree to disagree on east indian women. I too dislike Indians, as you they they are arrogant and pushy but the higher caste, aryan indian female can be quite attractive, actually stunning.

        1. Aryan women from Ireland to east India are the most beautiful in the world without a doubt, but the numbers of these Aryan Indian females in America are low because they are well off in India and don’t need to emigrate. The one’s you and I have to avoid looking at are the Dravidians.

  15. My son Shemp delivered pizza for a couple years. His stories are pretty funny.
    We thought of putting together a screenplay about it titled “Deliverance”.

      1. All you need is a camera guy to ride along and it would write itself, similar to “Cops”.

  16. People may be assholes when they’re hungry, but they’re also assholes when they’re drunk late at night, which i’m sure a lot of those people are if they’re ordering pizza.

  17. This piece pretty much sums up the differences between the USA and the rest of us. You see for us, tipping is something we do to say thank you for good service. It consists of a few coins, so to take the Pizza man example, if my pizza came to £14.45 I would probably give the fellow £15.00 and tell him to keep the 55p change. If the pizza arrived on time and was as I wanted it, that is. Guess what? He would be very happy with that tip.

    1. It’s because in the USA, it’s legal to pay people below-poverty wages. In perfect seriousness, the minimum wage there is below the poverty rate. McDonalds gave their employees “tips on managing your money” that assumed you had a second job.
      Americans are perfectly convinced that requiring employers to pay a living wage would destroy the economy.

      1. Don’t turn this into a minimum wage debate, because there are enough libertarians on this site who will destroy you and your socialized economy.

      2. The minimum wage in the UK is about £6.30 an hour, which is about $8.50 more or less. OK, so it isn’t much, but you will also get other benefits as well, possibly some measure of housing benefit to help with the rent. If you have children then you will receive about £300 a month for each one.
        That said, countries like Mexico where I am at the moment also have no tradition of over-tipping as the USA does and there is little in the way of social security in that country. The same goes for India, a country that I notice a lot of people have already complained about. In places like India and Mexico, waiters and waitresses are seen as being on a par with servants, so nobody really cares for them all that much.
        The reason why the USA over-tips is still unclear to me.

      3. What kind of parallel universe do you live in where the US economy isn’t destroyed?
        Why not make the minimum wage $100 per hour? Then everyone would earn $100 and the US would prosper once more.
        Raising the minimum wage simply prevents the lower classes from entering into the workforce, gaining experience and moving up in the world. It also causes a raise in prices (inflation – like in the $100 example) as goods and services increase in price. You now have unemployed people with little or negative financial wealth facing a higher cost of living. The added inflation forces other businesses who are paying workers much more than minimum wage offshore, as their are foreign workers with a lower cost of living who will work for much less.
        Furthermore, you aren’t meant to be able to raise a family flipping burgers at a fast food chain. Can’t afford kids? Don’t have them. Pretty simple so far right?
        Now, I shall address your maths fail. Lets say for arguments sake the IRS will take 20% of all tips (likely to be much lower). Say the item sold is $100. You tip $5 (5%).The IRS assumes that the person was given $15. It takes 20% ($3). The person now has $2 more than what they would have had if they had never served you.
        With this all said, I now must inform you of a grave social responsibility. You must convince all your family members who share a similar political opinion and worldview as yourself, as well as any friends and people you meet who fall into such a category, to never, in their entire life, step inside a voting/polling booth. Start with the three morons you liked your comment. Thankyou.

        1. Happily for me, I live in a country where voting is compulsory. And with a minimum wage that isn’t an outrage against decency. Oddly, we don’t have a destroyed economy here – that’s my point.
          Then again, we just put conservatives in again. Give them time. It’s only been a few months and already they are trying to dismantle the health care system – just like they do every fucking time they get in.

        2. Let’s use your own numbers. The sold item is $100. The IRS assumes a tip of $15. It takes 20% – $3.
          Lets say you stiff the waiter and don’t tip at all. The waiter is making $7.25 an hour. Lets say that he spent 20 minutes serving you – carrying orders, dealing with the kitchen, hanging at your table while you made up your fucking mind. He made $2.40. He is down $.60.
          Your numbers only work if you assume at least some tip.

        3. Uh, no. What big business is doing by paying slave wages is forcing the taxpayers to subsidize the poor and working class. Hell, wal-mart’s hire package even includes a pamphlet on how to apply for entitlement programs. J.P. Morgan, which administers EBT, recently hosted a meeting with large employeers (wal-mart included), one of the items discussed was how to force more of their employees on to entitlement programs, i.e. raping the taxpayer. So mr.libertarian, sounds like you support the taxpayers subsidizing big businesss. It is also not wise to create a labor market with high unemployment (long term unemployment problem now being called the new normal, disgusting) and falling wages when 70% of economy is based on domestic consumer consumption because of moronic libertarian policies such as free trade which led the destruction of manafacturing and with it good paying jobs. Hey libertarians, thanks!

  18. This happened to me my first job out of college working for Wells Fargo. Going from fresh faced to grizzled.

  20. Weird that a site that so blatantly condemns fat people would condone pizza delivery. Undoubtedly low-quality product with white flours, flavorless “cheese” and suspect, nitrate laden “meats.”

      1. Oh, so you’re fat. Make sure you tip your driver well. When your ass is too gigantic to fit through the front door, dropoffs from that poor employee will be the closest thing you will have to a social life. They may be the one who calls for medical support when you eventually need to be surgically separated from your sofa. Get double “cheese” next time. It’s more efficient.

        2. Wrong I count calories, not as closely as women tend to when trying to lose weight but I do take calories into account.

    3. One author on a site discussing lessons learned as a pizza delivery driver does not necessarily mean that the site condones pizza delivery. Or the eating of pizzas.

    4. While I share your opinion of the quality of delivery pizza, I do not share your opinion that it is De Fat Debil.
      “Nitrate,” by the way, is simply a salt, usually a potassium salt. It is linked with a reduction of hypertension. As well as processed meats a good source of potassium nitrate is . . . leafy, green vegetables
      .

  21. I’ve learned some of the same things from working hospitality as you have, Wyck. As for why women flirt with delivery drivers, you had me thinking on that for a second. I’ve not been confronted with such a phenomenon, as I wait tables, but your presenting it as a fact had me drawing on my anthropological reserves. I believe it might be happening because she does not have to fear rejection, since your job is to be nice to her from start to finish. So the insincerity of your reaction isn’t really relevant. Young women in the USA don’t really develop the social skills necessary to court men, so it would make sense for them to take low-risk endeavors like that.

  22. Excellent article.
    I’ve always said that nothing can teach you more about a person than how they treat their bartender, waitress, delivery person, etc.

  23. This article could follow the same principles even you just worked as a bartender or waiter. It’s the same type of assholes you will have to deal with and the same type of people who will stiff you for tips. What’s not included as a pizza delivery driver is dealing with foreigners on a regular basis.
    I worked as a Guest Service Driver in Colorado last winter, taking people to-and-from Denver airport to the Vail area resorts. We had SO MANY Australians riding with our company, because they’ve been one of the few countries to dodge the global economic downturn and have been getting terrific value on US dollar exchange the last several years.
    Everybody routinely got stiffed for tips by them probably 90% of the time, even though we were well aware they are loaded with cash compared to most Americans these days and they SHOULD be able to grasp some simple expectations of American culture quickly because they naturally speak English.
    Nonetheless, I haven’t done it again this Winter and a number of other drivers haven’t come back either. Just too many foreigners who won’t tip as Americans are just too poor to go Skiing these days, and too many foreigners REALLY hurts our earning potential.
    And of course, our barely above minimum wage employers ($9.50 per hour) said that you should just smile, bend over, and take it up the ass rather than include any kind of literature to customers that the drivers expect a $5-10 tip per person for each round, to supplement our pitiful base wages for quite constant DANGEROUS work.

    1. I would lay the blame squarely on the company. In Australia there is no expectation of tipping as people are paid a wage that you can live on.
      Why didn’t the company increase the cost $5-10 and pay fairly ?

  25. Sadly , this man’s statements have some merit. Thats why I sleep with all races, plus white girls think anything bigger than eight inches is huge. You got to make lemons into lemonade, or you could say fuck it and pick an orange.

  26. “Once you control for class and being raised by a single mother, it explains much of difference.”
    ……no, no it doesn’t.
    Seriously, you haven’t swallowed the red pill entirely.
    Besides, black people ARE more likely to be raised by single mothers. You didn’t actually refute anything. It’s like that rebbitor who claimed disproportionate crime rates in poor black men (even compared to poor whites and latinos) are irrelevant because “once you control for gang membership blacks don’t commit that much crime at all”. Erm, hello, blacks go into gangs more often so that point is moot.

  27. As a former pizza delivery guy who started at 17,
    I can agree with just about every piece of this article. It almost felt like I was taking a drip down memory lane actually. I’d like to add a few more points to it though:
    8. Your driving skills will improve
    If you start as young as 2wycked and I, a job where you have to drive for at least 50% of your shift is the best damn boost to being a boss driver before you’re 20. I can’t tell you how many times both guys and girls have told me that I’m an unusually good driver for my age now.
    9. It’s a strange way of networking
    Since every shop has it’s own set of regular customers that order often, it’s very easy to get to know them, even in the short 2 minute window of actually delivery the food to them. I know that from personal experience delivering to the same emergency department every Saturday night while I worked delivery. The doctors, PAs, nurses, and receptionist all knew me by name. One of the doctors eventually offered to be a mentor since he knew I planned on going into healthcare.
    10. You get really good at manipulating people for tips
    I remember when one day I decided to ask my co-workers every night we worked weekend dinner rushes how many deliveries they made, and how much they made in tips that night for almost 2 months. I found out that I average almost 1.25 dollars more than my co-workers. The reason? I knew how to approach people differently based on the person at the door.
    ex. White woman between age 30-45: Answer the door with a wide smile (with teeth since I have good ones) and a remark about dog, or kids if present. If not, make a hyperbole about the conditions to deliver the pizza. If a chuckle, or a joke is given back. Then you will get minimum a 5 dollar tip.
    You can already guess the implications for your game.

  28. I worked at Dominos for almost 2 years. When it came to answering the door, i always wanted it to be a middle class (preferably military) white male.
    Another plus is when someone is spending company money. But that doesn’t really count.

  30. To “stiff” is to not deny a tip. To stiff is to not pay what is rightfully due.
    No one is entitled to a tip.
    Just because some employers pay less by assuming that an employee will receive tips does not in any way oblige a customer to pay more than the agreed upon price.
    If you don’t think you’re being paid enough, then find other work.

  31. Concerning the tipping habits of Asians. Having lived in S. Korea and travelled in Asia. It’s my experience that tipping is simply not part of the culture to the point where I’ve had servers race after me to give back the money I had left as a tip, refusing to keep it.

  32. As a Mexican-American male, I have to say that black-american women are the worst women in the world. we all know their traits and I won’t waste my time describing their traits. I feel sorry for black-american men who are worth something and aren’t losers because they have the worst women on earth (then follows white-american women). if black-american men want to marry good looking black or women with a descent amount of black ancestry, I recommend them to go to the DR, Brasil, and Colombia. Those countries have flawless looking black women/women with significant black ancestry. and add to that, they’re family oriented girls who I am even tempted to settle down with them. if you want to see some samples, register on interpals and look up the DR girls. man, those women are so god dam sexy! good luck to all of you black-american males who are worth something-Fellow Mexican-American male.

    1. Something I have been saying for quite awhile now. I am not focused on marrying BW, I haven’t dated one in decades, I don’t see anything in Brazil making me want to switch though I could be swayed I am sure. That said, among the numerous problems in Black America is understanding basic economics.
      Lots of BP have plenty of money, its what they choose to spend it on that’s the problem and don’t recognize the fact that as a community we don’t own any means of producing durable goods, nor are we among the prolific producers of food.
      These are areas where wealth is created, but sadly won’t give you “swag” so most BW, quite a few WW and some other women (Asian or Latino) will all but ignore you. Since the majority of Black households are those of one parent (80%), the most well-adjusted women come from stable White families first (30% are single parents). Latinos second (53%) and Asians (no data but surely below the others).
      In terms of Western, Anglo culture and my personal experience, you get the least amount of resistance from White women. Maybe in areas like South LA where its not uncommon for their to be Black/Latino unions, maybe its easier to date Latin women from those areas. But not where I am in the San Fernando Valley for some reason.
      I am in the process of relocating to Brazil and while it has its own set of social and economic issues, they are not nearly as disjointed as America is.

  33. Wow..I’m an 8 year driver/jack of all pizza trades. I’m married but trying to overcome being beta regardless. Anyway…this Article is spot on in every way. We see a different world and the biz is a different animal from other types of eateries. I’m almost done with it, going to school to become a heavy equipment technician , but the lessons learned…..once a driver always a driver

  37. It is even more stressful when you have a fool handling the phones in the store, telling people what they want to hear, then leaving you unknowingly holding the bag when you show up to find them livid that it took you 45 minutes through rush hour traffic, instead of the 15 minutes the fool on the phone promised them without even consulting you or giving you a head’s up.

  38. This is completely liberal law school – I was further alienated because I wasn’t a Democrat.
    Newsflash: That doesn’t go away. Libs are all caught up in what “good people” they are, which means they are “better” than everyone else, especially non-libs.
    You might run into conservative snobs, of course, but if someone did menial/low status work b/c they had to, a conservative is 1000x more likely to respect the person for fighting back against their circumstances and advancing themselves through WORK.

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